Famous First Words: This South East corner stone, of the Capitol of the United States of America in the City of Washington, was laid on the 18th day of September... Cornerstone of the US Capitol Building
Television Jokes! … Too easy? In 1990 my television was fat and I was skinny. In 2019 I got fat and my televison got skinny. / Damned Quarantine, my cable goes out more often than I do.
..........You're made out of gold and, eh, can't be sold..........Jimi Hendrix …..Are You Experienced --Jimi Hendrix died on this day in 1970
No race can prosper till it learns that there is as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem. --Booker T Washington
It is an absolutely gorgeous Friday morning. 60°F is exactly the right amount of chill to insist on autumn but not to be uncomfortable. There is a very light breeze that hesitates a few moments and then scibbles by brushing the cheek ever so lightly. No local trees have donned their fall colors, everything is still very green. The sky is almost clear, the clouds lack form and are more like a misty, tattered veil. It smells of autumn as well, damp earth, light floral scents, and mown grass. There are no birds visible but the occasional chirp or tweet sneaks out of the curtain of leaves. Squirrels on the other hand are everywhere and very busy. But we retreat to the inside...warm and smelling of coffee...quiet. And now I get to write to you. What a morning.
Hope your weekend gets its own spin-off, ePistliers
First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Perhaps it's wise to first test the vaccines on members of Congress to see if there are side effects? --Submitted by SDS
How do you fight off four burglars with nothing but a TV remote? Please respond quickly! / If 2020 was a TV show......it's now in those later seasons where it really starts to turn to crap.
..........There must be some kind of way out of here..........Jimi Hendrix …..All Along the Watchtower
Trivia Questions: Welcome to World Cleanup Weekend
^ What is the most common litter cleaned up during the weekend?
^^ Care to guess how many continents participated in the 2019 Clean Up?
^^^ Know which substance makes up most of beach litter?
^^^^ Any idea what Plogging is?
^^^^^ About how many people participated in the 2019 clean up campaign?
Big Hello: Parev – Armenian (western) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: According to science, Alcohol is a solution.
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 99% of librarians have unusually strong opinions about their favorite mouse or rat from children's literature. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts ~~I'm quite fond of Frankie & Benjy from Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy.
They tried taping a season of The Bachelor in Utah, but it didn't work. the Bachelor married them all. / So, after winning the game, I decided to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV. Apparently, it's unacceptable in bowling.
..........Take me, take me, take me away..........Jimi Hendrix …..Hear My Train A Comin'
Moonbeam: Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel. --Samuel Johnson
Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: Orange Slice
Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: After 6 months of listening to people talk with masks on I finally understand what Charlie Brown's teacher was saying. --Submitted by INRITH
Week of the Week: National Ballroom Dance Week (18-27) --Did you know you can fit a cotillion of debutantes into one ballroom. / What do skinny jeans and cheap hotels have in common? No ballroom
The CEO of a hardware company calls in his top ad man and tells him, "We need a new TV spot for our B&Q Nails line." A week later, the ad man comes back with a videotape and pops it into the VCR in the CEO's office. The commercial starts and the CEO sees Jesus being nailed to the cross while a voice over says, "B&Q nails: they get the job done." The CEO is irritated and says, "That is completely unacceptable! We are NOT using that!" A week passes, and the ad man returns with another tape. The new tape shows Jesus hanging on the cross in the background, and in the foreground a centurion turns to the camera and says, "B&Q nails: they hold anything!" The CEO is furious and yells, "JESUS IS NOT GETTING NAILED TO THE CROSS WITH B&Q NAILS, PERIOD!" Another week goes by, and the ad man comes back with a third tape. This time Jesus sprints down the street with a group of centurions in pursuit. As he passes the camera one of the centurions turns and says, "We should have used B&Q nails!"
..........To Kansas, to...bring back my second cousin..........Jimi Hendrix …..Mannish Boy
^ Cigarette butts are the most common litter picked up. You can participate by just picking up cigarette butts. The goal this year is 1 billion butts.
Almanac: It is Friday, September 18, 2020. The moon was new yesterday and is in Libra. It is Constitution Day aka Pledge Across America, Hug a Greeting Card Writer Day, National Ceiling Fan Day, National HIV/AIDS and Aging Awareness Day, National Respect Day, and World Water Monitoring Day. Because it is the third Friday it is also National POW/MIA Recognition Day and National Trademen Day. And because it is the third Weekend it is Clean Up the World Weekend,.
Among those born on this day were Samuel Johnson (1709), George Read (1722), Adrien-Marie Legendre (1752), Jean-Bernard-Leon Foucault (1819), Booker T Washington (1895), Agnes De Mille (1905), Eddie "Rochester" Anderson (1905), Greta Garbo (1905), John J. Rhodes and Rossano Brazzi (1916), Nikolai N. Rukavishnikov (1932), Jimmie Rodgers (1933), Roman Polanski (1933), Fred Willard (1939), Frankie Avalon (1940), and Spike (1966).
On September eighteenth the first piano in the US was documented (Boston, 1769), the cornerstone was laid for the Capitol Building (1810), the NY Times began publishing (1851), the Pacific Stock Exchange opened (1882), DD Palmer became the first chiropractor (1895), Britain tested its first twin-engine airplane (1911), CBS went on the air (Columbia, 1927), CBC went on the air (Canadian, 1942), Ralph Bunche became the UN mediator in Palestine (1948), Wagon Train premiered (1957), Vanguard 3 was launched into orbit (1959), Get Smart premiered (1965), and the first black NL umpire umped (1972).
Night Sky, 9/18: You can see in the stars that the season is changing; we've reached the time of year when, just after nightfall, Cassiopeia has already climbed a little higher in the northeast than the Big Dipper has sunk in the northwest. Cas stands high in early evening during the chilly fall-winter half of the year. The Big Dipper takes over for the milder evenings of spring and summer. Almost midway between them stands Polaris. It's currently a little above the midpoint between the two. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max Picture of the Week: Guess who turned 2 – Max New haircut, new age
This Week: Saturday, September 19 – International Red Panda Day & Talk Like A Pirate Day
Sunday, September 20 – National Fried Rice Day & Wife Appreciation Day
Night Sky, 9/20: Arcturus, the "Spring Star," shines in the west after dark every week as summer turns to fall. The narrow, kite-shaped pattern of Bootes extends 24° upper right from Arcturus.
Monday, September 21 – International Day of Peace
Tuesday, September 22 – Hobbit Day & Mabon (Autumn Equinox) & Ice Cream Cone Day
Night Sky, 9/22: The September equinox is the moment when the Sun appears to cross the celestial equator, heading southward. Due to differences between the calendar year and the tropical year, the September equinox can occur at any time between September 21 and 24.
Wednesday, September 23 – Dogs in Politics Day & National Great American Pot Pie Day
Thursday, September 24 – Bluebird of Happiness Day & Punctuation Day!!
With so many sporting events being delayed or cancelled, one sports TV outlet decided to televise the 'World Origami Championships' It's on paperview / A wife hears her husband shouting at the TV from upstairs "Don't do it you idiot", "it's a trap", "Get outta there", "You fool" he keeps on shouting at the TV. The wife calls out to him "Hey what the hell you watching". The husband says, "Our wedding video."
..........Mercury liquid...Emerald's shining..........Jimi Hendrix …..Valleys of Neptune
^^ World Cleanup Day 2019 started in the Pacific island of Fiji and ended 24 hours later in Hawaii. Cleanups were organized in countries and territories on all continents, including the Arctic, where a group of cruise operators along with passengers put aside their binoculars, rolled up their sleeves and collected litter from the Arctic beaches to combat marine plastic pollution.
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sign at a protest rally: I would vote for Joe Biden even if he shot Trump on 5th Avenue. --Submitted by ck of nm
Moonbeam: A good education is usually harmful to a dancer. A good calf is better than a good head. --Agnes De Mille
Late Night Snacks of the Week: Even after four years of the Trump rollercoaster inuring me to shock, the Woodward tapes got to me. Although it was mostly shock that Trump was dumb enough to confess something so cartoonishly evil to a reporter who was recording him. It was like if the Unabomber put a return address on all his packages. --Seth Meyers / When normal people get caught on tape admitting that they lied to an entire country, they usually apologize. But President Trump didn't become president by being normal. --Trevor Noah / It’s obvious why we should be relying on health experts here, not the president, and not just because he considers potato buns to be a vegetable. Even the pharmaceutical companies agree we need data. It’s crazy that we’re living in a world where we’re relying on drug companies to be the good guys. --Samantha Bee
Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie and the great big toothless happy smile
~~Since he is wearing his Chief's t-shirt, I assume he is smiling about the Chief's win over Texas. Go Chiefs.
Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: There are five types of cat owners, it turns out. Now, previously, we thought there were only two kinds of cat owners - cat ladies or secret cat ladies. But new research proposes that cat owners can be divided into five personality types, while cats believe their owners can be divided way more ways if you just use your claws. The types are - and these are real - freedom defender, conscientious caretakers, concerned protectors, tolerant guardians, and laissez faire landlords. The categories refer to attitudes about monitoring the cats' behavior, especially when they're outside of the house, because if allowed to roam, cats can spread disease, kill wildlife, interfere in U.S. elections and secretly set forest fires and blame gender reveal parties. Peter Sagal Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me 9/12/20
If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else. --Booker T Washington
What do you call a man who repairs TVs? Screensaver / Are you sick of lawyers trying to sell you stuff on tv? You might be entitled to compensation.
..........Been down since I began to crawl..........Jimi Hendrix …..Born Under A Bad Sign
^^^ The usual suspect, plastic, was the main type of waste found on beaches across the world from Tonga to Bangladesh to Martinique. In Hawaii, the American singer-songwriter Jack Johnson led a cleanup that highlighted the amount of microplastic on the Hawaiian beaches. In Sri Lanka, 250 kg plastic and 15 kg of flip-flops were collected on just one beach. Several toilets, fridges and other household appliances were pulled from water in Cyprus, Curaçao and Maldives, where underwater cleanups took place.
Worthless Fact of the Week: The urine of a diabetic person contains so much sugar that it can be purified and made into whiskey.
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If turning pages is considered exercise, then yes I work out all the time. --Submitted by ac of unkn
Weird Word of the Week: Inunct – to apply ointment to someone or something https://www.lexico.com/explore/weird-and-wonderful-words ~~My old source for weird words has been declared unsafe by my firewall.
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Pack toiletries when you travel. Keep all your toiletry items together in a Ziploc Storage Bag and prevent any unexpected leaks or spills. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/ziploc.html
Stolen from an old TV show. I used to play water polo, but, but my horse drowned. / I was watching an all girls volleyball game on tv today. 10 minutes in and there was a wrist injury... Don’t worry, I should be fine by tomorrow.
...........I hear the thunder of freedom's beating heart..........Jimi Hendrix …..Earth Blues
^^^^ Plogging – picking up trash while jogging. Crown Princess Victoria of Sweden joined a plogging group in Sweden and running groups across the UK, Czech Republic and Netherlands among others chose this sporty way of picking up trash to participate in World Cleanup Day.
Science Fiction Joke of the Week: Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn't there. Theologians can persuade themselves of anything. --Robert Heinlein
Actual Science Joke of the Week: I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy. --Richard Feynman
Mild Mannered Curse of the Week: May the chocolate chips in your cookies always turn out to be raisins.
How do I feel about sex on tv? It might be a little uncomfortable but I’m game. / My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor. More on this after the break.
..........He says the free wind takes him higher..........Jimi Hendrix …..Ezy Ryder
^^^^^ The number of countries that participated is 179 and the number of volunteers around 20 million people. “Each and every cleanup leader and volunteer is a change-maker. It is humbling to see so many people come together for a goal that they all believe in and want to work towards: a cleaner planet,” Heidi Solba, the President of Let’s Do It World expressed her gratitude. https://www.worldcleanupday.org/news/2019/09/24/world-cleanup-day-2019-sweeps-across-the-planet
Month of the Week: September is national Bourbon Heritage Month: Bourbon...making people less boring since roughly the 15th century. / Pure Kentucky Bourbon...the night time sniffing, sneezing, how the hell did I end up on the bathroom floor medicine.
Recreating Famous Paintings With Anything You Can Find of the Week:
https://www.boredpanda.com/art-recreation-at-home-museum-challenge/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: They say it takes a village. I believe it also takes a vineyard. --Submitted by #RHOZ
Today's Peace of History, September 18, 1895: African-American educator (founder of the Tuskegee Institute) and leader (born a slave) Booker T. Washington spoke before a predominantly white audience at the Cotton States and International Exposition in Atlanta. Although the organizers of the exposition worried that “public sentiment was not prepared for such an advanced step,” they decided that inviting a black speaker would impress Northern visitors with evidence of racial progress in the South”.
Yesterday I met the cable TV guy on the street and he asked me what time it was. I gladly told him it's between 9 and 5. / I took my television into the repair shop. I only aired bad news.
..........Well my arrows are made of desire..........Jimi Hendrix …..Voodoo Chile
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle September 18, 2020, ePistle On Air. Conciliation, Comedy, and Corn Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam: You are invited to come to see the Earth turn, tomorrow, from three to five, at meridian Hall of the Paris Observatory. --Jean-Bernard-Leon Foucault
Cost of War:
As of 9/17/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,062,456,526,846.
As of 9/10/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,060,529,746,704.
As of 9/17/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $990,591,735,376.
As of 9/10/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $989,282,271,371.
As of 9/17/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $794,972,367,546.
As of 9/10/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $793,326,151,778.
As of 9/17/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $336,311,872,752.
As of 9/10/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $335,937,737,580.
As of 9/17/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,184,333,338,953.
As of 9/10/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,179,076,781,668.
https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/
You can't hold a man down without staying down with him. --Booker T Washington
Famous Last Words: side by side on the wagon train. --Closing song, Wagon Train television show
..........'Scuse me while I kiss the sky..........Jimi Hendrix …..Purple Haze
Don't be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you...Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years. / "Doctor, I keep having this dream that I'm the only person on Earth without her own reality tv show." "Judy, what makes you think it's a dream?" / All these new fancy 4K, 5K even 8K TVs, and here I am with no TV. And that's 0K
May Peace direct your show
And Joy produce your reality
prairie mama
christine
Last Laugh:
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