Friday, June 5, 2020

Curdled ePistle


Famous First Words: Denne forfatning gælder for alle dele af Kongeriget Danmark. Constitution of Denmark 1849 ( This Constitution applies to all parts of the Kingdom of Denmark.)
June is Dairy Month! An Udder Day, An Udder Dollar. / I don't know about your fridge, but at our house the cheese listens to R & Brie.
..........Cowboys like smokey old pool rooms and clear mountain mornin's........Waylon Jennings …..Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys
The greatest threat to our planet is the belief that someone else will save it. --Robert Swan
It is a gray Friday morning. The western sky is dark and foreboding and the eastern sky is struggling to let the new sun shine through. Crumbs of gray clouds float around the sky. Outside is wet with last night's rain and smells of damp cement and wet foliage. Birdsong is wondrous and varied...chatty sparrows, hooty mourning doves, unseen trillers...all singing late morning lauds. Puck is sitting at the back door watching, listening, planning his day. There is no breeze; the willow tree is un-moving and 71°F is pretty close to perfect. I sit at my computer desk sipping creamy Moose Munch. I too am watching and listening, but I also get to think of you. How very pleasant.
Hope your weekend is anything but cheesy, ePistliers
First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you hold a crab up to your ear, you can hear what it's like to be attacked by a crab. --Submitted by sb of ar
Ah, goat puns aren't so baaaaaaaaad. / What do yo mean, “where's the cheese.” You said you wanted macaroni, you didn't say one thing about cheese.
..........Straightenin' the curves, flattenin' the hills........Waylon Jennings …..Dukes of Hazard Theme
Trivia Questions: It is Festival of Popular Delusions Day and John Maynard Keynes birthday. Seems like an ideal day for a little economics trivia.
^ If you divide their net worths by their age, how much money have Carlos Slim and Bill Gates accumulated - more or less?
^^ According to a study by Harvard professor David Wise and two colleagues, what percentage of Americans die with less than $10,000 in assets.
^^^ Care to guess the total amount of charitable giving in the US in 2011 – give or take a few thousand?
^^^^ About how much did outstanding student loans increase between 2005 and 2012?
^^^^^ In NYC what percentage of crimes involve an Apple product?
Last Week's Problem Solved: Last week I upgraded my computer operating system to Windows 10 65 bit from Windows 7, 32 bit. So I was using the browser that came with it. That browser (Edge I think is it's name) wouldn't mail the ePistle to lots of folks and wouldn't mail the Lawrence Progressive Calendar to anyone. Eventually, I downloaded Chrome (which I had used on the old system) and since then have had no trouble sending emails or trying to remember my bookmarks. Whew! I'm so glad.
Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Developing: Sources reveal that the looted Target store had a history of marijuana use. --Submitted by nd
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: At any given moment, 29% of librarians are judging someone. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am I do dis a brie? / Feta is made from goat's milk. You've goat to be kidding me.
..........in love with a good timin' man........Waylon Jennings …..Good Hearted Woman
Moonbeam: I am the immense shadow of my tears. --Federico Garcia Lorca
Unintentional Mandala of the Week: Cookie

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Congratulations to the astronauts that left Earth today. Good Choice. --Submitted by inrith
Paranoid Fantasy of the Week: We all know that Trump really wants to be a Hitler. He keeps a copy of Adolph's speeches on this bedside table, has photo ops that recreate famous Hitler pictures, etc. Well, Hitler's record for number of deaths on his watch is set at 6,000,000. Trump is only up to 110,000 dead. He has a long way to go to catch up. Stay safe.
Week of the Week: Hemp History Week (1-7) --Sorry for my bluntness; that's just how I roll. / Can't we all just get a bong?
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky. It was a terrible explosion at the cheese factory. There's nothing left be de brie.
..........Maybe it's time we got back to the basics of love........Waylon Jennings …..Luckenbach Texas
^ Gates and Slim each has accumulated more than $100,000 in net worth for every hour they’ve been alive.
Almanac: It is Friday, June 5, 2020. The moon is full (Strawberry) tonight and is in Sagittarius. The United Nation has declared this World Enviornment Day (UNEP). It is Festival of Popular Delusions Day, Hot Air Balloon Day, and National Moonshine Day. In Columbia it is Thanksgiving Day and in Denmark it is Constitution Day (1849, 1953). Because it is the First Friday it is also Labour Day in the Bahamas.
Among those born on his day were Thomas Chippendale (1718), Adam Smith (1723), John Couch Adams (1819), George Thorndike Agnell (1823), Pancho Villa (1878), John Maynard Keynes (1883), Ruth Benedict (1887), William Boyd (Hopalong Cassidy, 1895), Federico Gracia Lorca (1898), Bill Hayes (1925), Bill Moyers (1934), Waylon Jennings (1937), Ken Follett (1939), Tommie Smith (1944), John Carlos (1945), and Kenny G (1956).
On June fifth the first public balloon flight was made (1783), the Batavian Republic became the Kingdom of Holland (1806), Denmark became a constitutional monarchy (1849), US marines invaded Cuba for the third time (1912), the US went off the gold standard (1933), the Baker Street Irregulars met for the first time (NYC, 1934), the American Negro Theater organized (1940), the Marshall Plan was introduced (1947), Denmark adopted a new constitution (1953), segregation on buses was outlawed (1956), Bobby Kennedy was shot (1968), the Apple II , first personal computer, went on sale (1977), and the waterfront streetcar began running in Seattle (1982).
Night Sky, 6/5: Can you still catch Mercury in twilight, under Pollux and Castor? It's coming to the end of a nice evening apparition. Its next good evening appearance doesn't come until winter 2021. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max Picture of the Week: Max is still working on face masks of one kind or another.

This Week: Saturday, June 6 – National Eye Wear Day & Drawing or Pencil Day & National Black Bear Day
Sunday, June 7 – National Animal Rights Day & CVR Day
Night Sky, 6/7: For much of the spring at mid-northern latitudes, the Milky Way lies right down out of sight all around the horizon. But watch the east now. The rich Cassiopeia-Cepheus-Cygnus-Aquila stretch of the Milky Way starts rising up all across the east these nights, earlier and higher every week. A hint for the light-polluted: It runs horizontally under Vega, right through the Summer Triangle.
Monday, June 8 – Ghostbusters Day & Upsy Daisy Day & World Oceans Day
Tuesday, June 9 – Donald Duck Day & Loving Day & Toy Industry Day
Wednesday, June 10 – Ball Point Pen Day & Iced Tea Day & Race Unity Day
Night Sky, 6/10: Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn (magnitudes, +0.1, – 2.5, and +0.4, respectively) shine in the southeast to south before and during early dawn.
Thursday, June 11 – National Cotton Candy Day & Corn on the Cob Day
Nacho ate too much cheese dip and ended up with a bad queso diarrhea. / The farmer put stockings and a saddle on his milk cow and called it a cow-a-sock-y.
..........And take off for the promise land........Waylon Jennings …..Drinkin' and Dreamin'
^^ 46.1% of Americans die with less than $10,000 in assets.
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: when you ask, “are you seeing anyone”, do you mean a therapist or an hallucination?
Moonbeam: Only mystery allows us to live, only mystery. --Federico Garcia Lorca
Late Night Snacks of the Week: The police can’t even get through protests about police brutality without committing more police brutality. It’s like if your wife accused you of having an affair in divorce court, and you tried to smooth it over by seducing the judge. --Seth Meyers / It reminds me of the old joke: why did the defense secretary and the chairman of the joint chiefs cross the road? Because the president is a chicken. --Stephen Colbert / He walked to the church. He stood in front of the church. He never went in the church. Never spoke to anyone from the church, didn’t examine the damage to the church, held a Bible upside down, didn’t read from the Bible, didn’t give a speech, posed for photos and left. I don’t know, that sounds like a pretty textbook definition of a photo op. --Jimmy Kimmel / At this point, Drumpf should just go for 100% disapproval and then take credit for uniting the country.--Jimmy Fallon
Classic Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: This is the first child of Prince Harry and his wife, Meghan. The baby is, I'm sure you want to know, seventh in line to the throne after his grandfather, his uncle, and his cousins. Really, to put it in American terms, it's like being the secretary of agriculture, right? Peter Sagal Classic Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me May 2019 from St. Louis
Conservation is a state of harmony between people and land. --Aldo Leopold
Poor little calf, it's always pasture bedtime. / I don't understand why people need drugs and alcohol to have fun. Have you tried mac and cheese?
..........piano roll blues, danced holes in my shoes........Waylon Jennings …..Honky Tonk Heroes
^^^ US charitable giving in 2011 was $298 billion. That is more than the GDP of all but 33 countries in the world.
Worthless Fact of the Week: All polar bears are left-handed, or rather, left-pawed.
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The space X lads aren't due back for a while. Plenty of time for everyone to buy a gorilla suit and learn to ride a horse. --Karl Tomlinson --_Submitted by sb of ar
Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there, and I don't want to see you everyday.
Weird Word of the Week: Xenozoonosis – diseases that originated in animals and spread to humans. Coronavirus is a xenozoonosis. http://www.worldwidewords.org/turnsofphrase/tp-xen2.htm
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Relieve an earache caused by the change in pressure in an airplane. Open the Eustachian tubes in your ears by chewing Wrigley's Spearmint Gum on an airplane flight. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wrigleys2.html
Cheese is just milk with a bad attitude. / Hardly, milk is merely cheese that lacks culture.
...........If you want to get to heaven, gotta D I E........Waylon Jennings …..Waymore's Blues
^^^^ Outstanding student loans increased by $539 billion between 2005 and 2012 according to the Federal Reserve.
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I do not spew profanities. I enunciate them clearly, like a lady. --Submitted by wp
Science Fiction Convention Joke of the Week: Sci Fi Conventions: Where the designer for Lady Gaga gets his inspiration.
Actual Science Convention Joke of the Week: The PhD student did his research on the origin of curly braces({,}). At the convention he presented his Parent Thesis.
Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck sleeping it off after a night of battling the K-9 force and looting Pet Step.

This morning my fridge was a mess, things turned over, Cheese Whiz everywhere. Basket Queso. / Cows have hooves instead of feet because they lactose.
..........But hard times are real........Waylon Jennings …..Where Corn Don't Grow
^^^^^ One in 7 crimes in NYC involve an Apple product being stolen, according to the NYPD.
Month of the Week: June is National Ocean Month – Why did the mermaid wear seashells? Because she grew out of her B-shells. / Why did the fisherman start doing drugs? Pier pressure.
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: 2020 is almost as bad as my first marriage. --Submitted by #rhoz
Today's Peace of History, June 5, 1851: Uncle Tom's Cabin or, Life Among the Lowly began to appear in serial form in the Washington National Era, an abolitionist weekly.
Some guy pulled my teat. How Dairy! / There was that famous curdish basketball player, Swish Cheese.
..........I can hear the wind a blowing in my mind........Waylon Jennings …..We Had It All
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle June 5, 2020, Curdled ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Laughs, peace, and lactose tolerance. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam: In the vivid morning I wanted to be myself. A heart. --Federico Garcia Lorca
Cost of War:
As of 6/4/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,032,829,603,458.
As of 5/28/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,030,872,398,219.
As of 6/4/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $970,456,946,905.
As of 5/28/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $969,126,970,165.
As of 6/4/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $769,660,050,473.
As of 5/28/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $767,988,261,116.
As of 6/4/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $330,559,088,873.
As of 5/28/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $330,179,171,024.
As of 6/4/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,103,506,440.871.
As of 5/28/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,098,167,760.251.
What is the use of a house if you don't have a decent planet to put it on. --Henry David Thoreau
Famous Last Words: Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something. --Pancho Villa's dying words
..........and it sure did shock me, Lord, kin killin kin........Waylon Jennings …..The Ghost of General Lee
Hope you're not feta up at my gouda jokes. / If you cross a cow with a chicken, you end up with Roost Beef.
May Peace bring you joy
And Joy bring you peace
prairie mama
christine


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