Friday, April 17, 2020

Pollywog ePistle

Famous First Words: At length revolving fates... Francis Williams An Ode to George Haldane
April is Frog Month. Frogs hold their conventions at IHOP. / For Halloween my pet frog, Freddy, dressed up as Prince.
.........Can't get from this cabin, goin' nowhere.........Hoagy Carmichael …..Rockin' Chair
There is a higher law than the law of government. That's the law of conscience. --Stokely Carmichael
It is a damp Friday morning. Everything is wet – tree limbs, lawns, cars, sidewalks – but nothing is actually falling at the moment. It is cold (35°F) and windy (15 mph) and generally miserable. It was necessary for me to go out today**. But came home with blueberry muffins to a house smelling of coffee. I like the sound of tires on wet pavement. It's soothing and calls up images of road trips and lazy travel. Spring is upon us, although we are still having morning well below freezing. Yards are full of green foliage and flowers of yellow and white and purple and blue. Lawns come in freshly mowed lawns or overgrown. There are rabbit dashing about in a hurry to be somewhere else. The world suggests rebirth and hope and we can all use a little of both right now. And now I get to drink coffee and write to you. This day may turn out to be really great after all.
**To renew a driver's license one needs a birth certificate. So I wrote to the state of Missouri and sent them money and after a month, they sent back a form and said it has to be notarized. Our local UPS store does that so I went early, before any crowds and, indeed, it was empty except for the notary guy. To identify me I showed him my driver's license. This is an example of your government protecting you from yourself.
Hope your weekend is croaked in happiness, ePistlers.
Kansas-ism of The Week: This morning it is below freezing, and yet, the lawn needs to be mowed.
First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: This would have been a good time to invest in 10 foot poles. --Submitted by mm of mo
He complained like a frog in a restaurant whose soup only had one fly in it. / Freda got the nickname Frog because of her vague green colored skin. She got a job at the parking department in the mall; she processed parking stickers for employees. They called her Permit the Frog.
..........Missed the Saturday dance.........Tony Bennet …..Don't Get Around Much Anymore
Trivia Questions: It has been 50 years since Apollo 13 landed safely back on earth.
^ Who were the astronauts on the Apollo 13 Mission, anyway?
^^ Know how long were they up there?
^^^ What, exactly, went wrong?
^^^^ What were the greatest dangers for the crew?
^^^^^ Hard one, what was the motto of the Apollo 13 mission?
Big Hello: Selam – Zazaki (Iran) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm pretty sure I only need one more bad decision and then I'll own the whole set. --Submitted by kw of inrith
Random Frog Story of the Week of No Significance Whatsoever: My 4th grade teacher was Mrs. Long. In science class one day she told us that frogs can't see everything out there. For instance, they see the fly in motion but could not see him if he hovered. I was so excited and raised my hand and asked, “What's out there that we can't see?” Mrs Long explained about bi ocular vision and other crap I don't remember. I said to myself, “if she can't see it she wouldn't admit it was there.” And I never challenged her. I have since learned that there is a ton of stuff out – air, microwaves, quarks, airborne viruses...
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 33% of librarians have finally cracked and are yelling at strangers through cracked windows begging to be asked for directions. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Romulan frogs hide with a croaking device. / What's the difference between a frog and a cat. A frog croaks a million times but a cat croaks only nine.
Classic books reissued: At Least Six Feet From the Madding Crowd
..........I burned all the bridges behind me.........Katatonia …..Wait Outside
Moonbeam: The earth is made round so we will not see too far down the road. --Karen Blixen / Isak Dinesen
Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: coronavirus

Unforeseen Consequences of Sheltering: The following commemorative months have been canceled due to COVID-19: Who knew? Distracted Driving Awareness Month (postponed to unnamed date), Grange Month, Keep America Beautiful Month, Move More in April Month, National Kite Month, and National Parkinson's Awareness Month.
Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If God didn't want us to pray at home, She wouldn't have invented Zoom. --Submitted by cm-g of ks
Week of the Week: Week of the Young Child (11-17) --A four-year-old boy and his father went to the beach. There was a dead seagull lying on the sand. The boy asked his father, "Dad, what happened to the birdie?" His dad told him, "Son, the bird died and went to heaven." Then the boy asked, '"And God threw him back down?"
I find these frog jokes ribbeting. / Remember, frogs who park illegally get toad.
Classic books reissued: One Hundred Days of Solitude
..........Don't come back here anymore.........Weezer …..Go Away
^ The Apollo 13 mission was commanded by Jim Lovell with Jack Seigert as command module (CM) pilot and Fred Haise as lunar module (LM) pilot .
Almanac: It is Friday, April 17, 2020. The moon was last quarter on Tuesday and is in Pisces. It is Blah! Blah! Blah! Day, Ford Mustang Day, Nothing Like a Dame Day, and National Day of Silence. In American Samoa it is Flag Day (1900) and Burma celebrates New Years Day. The Democratic Kampuchea commemorates the Day of the Great Victory while Japan commemorates Children's Protection Day. Finally in Syria it is Evacuation Day aka Independence Day (1946).
Among those born on this day were Henry Vaughan (1622), Frederik I (Sweden, 1676), Robert Blair (1699), Christian Krause (1719), Samuel Chase (1741), Ann Sheppard Mounsey (1811), J.P. Morgan (1837), Isabel Barrows (1845), Isak Dinesen (Karen Blixen-Finecke, 1885), Nikita S. Khrushchev (1894), Senor Wences (1896), Thornton Wilder (1897), William Holden (Franklin Beedle, Jr, 1918), Lloyd Biggle, Jr (1923), Daffy Duck, Elmer J. Fudd & Petunia Pig (1937), John Oates (1949), and Olivia Hussey (1951).
On April seventeenth Martin Luther was excommunicated (1521), Thomas More was confined in the London Tower (1534), Francis Williams, the first UK black college graduate, published a book of poems (1758), Gallaudet founded the first US school for the deaf (1817), there was a bread revolt in Savannah, GA (1864), Haile Selassie ended slavery in Ethiopia (1932), the US Office of Price Administration was established to handle rationing (1941), the World Fair opened in Brussels (1958), 1,400 Cuban exiles landed in the Bay of Pigs (1961), Sirhan Sirhan was convicted of assassinating Robert Kennedy (1969), Bernadette Devlin was elected to the British House of Commons (1969), Apollo 13 made it back to earth safely (1970), Solidarity was granted legal status in Poland (1989), and South Carolina declared James Brown the state's "Godfather of Soul" (2002).
Night Sky, 4/17: Bright Arcturus is climbing high in the east these evenings. Equally bright Capella is descending high in the northwest, to the upper right of Venus. Arcturus and Capella stand at exactly the same height above your horizon at some particular moment between about 9 and 10:30 pm daylight-saving time, depending mostly on how far east or west you live in your time zone. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max Picture of the Week: Chef Max is a Chief's Fan. Yeah!!

This Week: Saturday, April 18 – Record Store Day & National Ask An Atheist Day
Sunday, April 19 – National Garlic Day & National Poker Day & National Hanging Out Day
Night Sky, 4/19: This is the time of year when, as the last of twilight fades away, the dim Little Dipper extends straight to the right from Polaris. High above the end-stars of the Little Dipper's bowl, you'll find the end-stars of the Big Dipper's bowl.
Monday, April 20 – Dictionary Day & National Pot Smokers Day aka National Weed Day
Tuesday, April 21 – Kindergarten Day & National Yellow Bat Day
Wednesday, April 22 – Earth Day & National Bookmobile Day & National Jelly Bean Day
Night Sky, 4/22: Venus (in north-central Taurus) is the dazzling white "Evening Star" high in the west during and after dusk. Venus doesn't set in the west-northwest until about 2½ hours after complete dark. In a telescope, Venus has enlarged to 30 arcseconds in diameter while waning in phase to become a thick crescent, 40% sunlit. Venus will continue to enlarge and wane, becoming a dramatically thin crescent low in twilight in late May. Look below it for the Pleiades.
Thursday, April 23 – Celebrate Teen Literature Day & Movie Theater Day & Talk Like Shakespeare Day
That lying frog is an amFIBian. / The old bull frog that lives in my pond has decided to learn a foreign language. Now he sits on his lily pad and says meow.
Classic books reissued: The Hand Washing Maid's Tale
.........In the middle of my room.........Fleetwood Mac …..Stand Back
^^ Launch date 4/11/70, landing date 4/17/70 – 6 days
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Now that we have everyone washing their hands correctly. Next Week: Turn Signals -Submitted by nc of inrith
Moonbeam: The cure for anything is salt water –sweat, tears, or the sea. --Karen Blixen / Isak Dinesen
Saddest Statistic of the Week: Last month was the first March without a school shooting in the US since 2002. https://theweek.com/speedreads/908469/last-month-first-march-since-2002-without-school-shooting
Late Night Snacks of the Week: Donald Trump has been “playing a game” for Easter; it’s called ‘pin the tail on everyone else’. Earlier this week, the White House dispatched the US trade adviser Peter Navarro, who wrote a memo in January warning Trump of the coronavirus threat which he ignored, to praise the president on Fox News. Where do they keep finding all these sycophantic old white guys? Do they have a machine that makes them? Are they 3D-printing them somewhere in Idaho or something? --Jimmy Kimmel / Of course, all the experts agree that the only way out of this pandemic is to increase, in any way possible, widely available, reliable testing, so, naturally, it was announced yesterday that the White House will end federal support for coronavirus testing sites on Friday. Why is Trump opposed to the testing? Someone tell him they’re coronavirus tests, not paternity tests! --Stephen Colbert / Trump at a press conference: “It doesn’t make sense and I don’t like it.” It almost sounds like Trump is jealous that black people get coronavirus more than anyone else. Just because of the way he said it – ‘How come black people are getting it, and not me? What do they have that I don’t have? Black people are overall less likely to have health insurance, more likely to have pre-existing health conditions such as diabetes, and more likely to be in service jobs without work-from-home options. And of course, there’s always just straight-up racism that affects black people as well such as implicit bias leading doctors to discount symptoms. So while almost every industry around the world is shut down, it looks like racism is still considered an essential service. --Trevor Noah / Trump has also used the virus as an excuse to try to slash taxes, make the cuts to the federal interest rate that he already wanted to and to advance anti-union efforts. Which is the most work he’s ever done. I didn’t think I’d ever say this but someone please find a way to sneak him on to a fucking golf course! --Samantha Bee
Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Are you guys finding this to be a problem? Are you overeating since you're stuck at home? --Peter Sagal / Oh, my God. All of my baggy sweatshirts are now just sweatshirts. - Helen Hong / Am I over eating? No, I am into it still. I am...I'm over moving. Josh Gondelman Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 4/11/20
I knew that I could vote and that that wasn't a privilege; it was my right. Every time I tried I was shot, killed or jailed, beaten or economically deprived. --Stokely Carmichael
Marion ran a Kaw River Campaign signing up frogs to donate their bodies to Biology Class when they died. / Frank Frog signed up as an organ donor hoping to avoid Seventh Grade Science Class.
Classic books reissued: Not On The Road
..........Don't come knockin' around my door........The Guess Who …..American Woman
^^^ A routine stir of an oxygen tank ignited damaged wire insulation inside it, causing an explosion that vented the contents of both of the SM's oxygen tanks to space. Without oxygen, needed for breathing and for generating electric power, the SM's propulsion and life support systems could not operate.
Worthless Fact of the Week: The short film that introduced Daffy Duck was titled Porky's Duck Hunt.
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If oil goes any lower, Exxon Mobil might have to layoff some members of Congress. --Submitted by jf of nd
Weird Word of the Week: Qubit – a “quantum bit”, the analogue at quantum dimensions of the ordinary computer's 1 or 0, on or off, heads or tails, binary digit or bit. http://www.worldwidewords.org/turnsofphrase/tp-qub1.htm ~~Yeah, that clears it right up
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Repair a leaking gas tank temporarily. Patch the leak with a piece of well-chewed Wrigley's Spearmint gum. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wrigleys.html
The frogs along the Wakarusa River had a big party but they spilled gallons of Croak-a-cola into the water. / Chronic the Frog's theme song is Don't Worry, Be Hoppy.
Classic books reissued: Alice's Adventures in the Hallway Just Outside the Kitchen --Submitted by rk of ks
...........I don't know why.........Nirvana …..Stay Away
^^^^ The crew experienced great hardship caused by limited power, a chilly and wet cabin, and a shortage of potable water. There was a critical need to adapt the CM's cartridges for the carbon dioxide removal system to work in the LM; the crew and mission controllers were successful in improvising a solution.
Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My body is a temple, ancient and crumbling, possibly cursed and haunted. Golden years, my a**. --Submitted by ss of ks
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Parenting Memes: When do we usually find out who the kids will have for teacher next year? I hope it 's not me again... --Submitted by sb of ar
Science Fiction Convention Joke of the Week: Just got back from the Transformers convention. And boy my arms are tires. / I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention as a doctor, but the security guard suspected I wasn't the read McCoy.
Actual Science Convention Joke of the Week: This year’s Tease & Denial Convention will be held virtually. Attendees will be told not to come. / A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an Alternative Energies Convention. He waved and shouted, “Hey, I'm a big fan.”
Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck hoarding blankets while he shelters at home.

Puck Story of the Week: I ordered and received a new pair of shoes because I couldn't go out a get them. I was a little worried about the size since I couldn't try them on. So when they arrived, I tried them on immediately. Puck decided that we must be going for a walk – why else would one put on shoes during the quarantine? It was and still is pouring rain, so I didn't want to go anywhere. Puck panicked when he realized we weren't going out. He was mad at me and showed it by jumping up on me and barking and barking and barking. Poor, thing, he's been too long in the house. (I offered to let him outside, but he wouldn't go).
As an April Foods Prank, Trump Towers hired frogs to replace all the bellhops. / At the Toad and Frog prom they only play hip hop music.
..........She said don't hand me no lines.........The Georgia Satellites …..Keep Your Hands to Yourself
^^^^^ One of the goals of Apollo13 was information gathering, especially for geology; this was emphasized by the mission's motto, Ex luna, scientia (From the Moon, knowledge).
Month of the Week: April is National Decorating Month –As you can see, we opted for wall-to-wall carpeting over area rugs, mostly because I stink at geometry.
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Casinos are now offering curbside pickup. Call ahead and they come out and take your money right from your car. --Submitted by jd of ks
Today's Peace of History, April 17, 1959: 22 were arrested in New York City for refusing to take shelter during a civil defense drill.
Frog spies communicate secrets through Morse Toad. / Yes, I understand that if I kiss you you'll turn into a handsome prince. But I'd rather have a talking frog.
..........Just like the old man in that famous book by Nabakov.........The Police …..Don't Stand Too Close To Me
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle April 17, 2020, Pollywog ePistle. Froggy Peace and Toady laughs Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam: All sorrows can be borne if you put them into a story or tell a story about them. --Karen Blixen / Isak Dinesen
Cost of War:
As of 4/16/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,018,997,829,544.
As of 4/9/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,017,008,615,244.
As of 4/16/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $961,056,855,924.
As of 4/9/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $959,704,947,931.
As of 4/16/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $757,842,992,507.
As of 4/9/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $756,143,465,803.
As of 4/16/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $327,873,436,066.
As of 4/9/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $327,487,164,175.
As of 4/16/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,065,772,124,603.
As of 4/9/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,060,344,923,605.
The secret of life is to have no fear; it's the only way to function. --Stokely Carmichael, Chairman of SNCC
Famous Last Words: You get a good rest, too. Good night --Thornton Wilder Our Town
..........That big rockin' chair won't go nowhere.........The Band …..Rockin' Chair
A little frog hops into a bank, and hops over to the teller at the front desk. He says to her, "Hi, I would like a loan." The lady tells him to the end of the hallway and to the door that says Patricia Whack. The frog obeys, hops into her office, plops onto her desk, and says to her, "I want a loan." Patricia asks him what he would like to protect this loan with. He offers her a ceramic lion. Patricia leaves the room for a minute, and walks over to her bosses office. "This frog just hopped into my office, and asked for a loan. He wants to protect it with this," she says as she hands him the lion. He inspects it, and says, "It's a nicknack Patty Whack, give the frog a loan!"
May Peace insinuate your silence
And Joy permeate your stillness
prairie mama
christine


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