Famous
First Words: In my younger and more vulnerable
years...Fitzgerald The Great Gatsby
Today
is National Farm Animals Day! If you cross an angry sheep with a
sulking cow, you get an animal in a baaaaaaaaaaaad moooooooooooooood
/ The cow only jumped over the moon because she had way too much
coffee that day.
..........I
wanna get a job in a rock and roll band.........Sheb Wooley
…..Flying Purple People Eater
The
world is now too small for anything but brotherhood. --Arthur Powell
Davies
It
is a cold (30°F) Friday morning even though there is little wind to
insist on it. The sky is a brilliant blue without a cloud or a jet
trail to shade it. A harsh trill of bird song can be heard from a
housetop down the street like delta blues at dawn. Sunrise is
revealing all the spring colors – greens, yellows, purples – to
add to the general brilliance of the day. The room smells of Moose
Munch (popcorn and chocolate); it is warm and comfortable. The world
looks so inviting all fresh and clean; but when I open the door cold
rolls over us and I close it quickly. The very Moose Munch that
produced this fine aroma tastes creamy and sweet on my tongue but I
turn from the door. Shaking the feeling of waiting that has come to
be part of life these days, I sit down at my computer and think of my
friends, think of you. How blessed can one person be?
Hope
every ePistlier and his or her brother or sister has a terrific
weekend.
First
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: “Social Distancing” is
boring. “Exiled for the good of the realm” sound much more
interesting. --Submitted by bk of inrith
Why
aren't newly born kids called escape goats? / My goat used to be into
lip-syncing. His name is Billy Vanilly
..........I
may be in fourth grade but I know what's going on.........Funkadelic
with Eddie Hazel …..A Joyful Process
Trivia
Questions: Happy Birthday, Safety Pin !
^
Who was it that invented the safety pin anyway?
^^
When did the modern clasp come into use?
^^^
What seventy's trend gave a new life to the safety pin?
^^^^
About how many safety pins are manufactured in the US per year?
^^^^^
Any idea at what price was the original patent sold?
Big
Hello:
Ba'ax ka wa'alik – Yucatec Maya
https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Of
all the things I learned in grade school, how to avoid cooties was
the last one I expected to use. --Submitted by llr of ks
Fake
Library Statistic of the Week:
Despite not being at work for several weeks 56% of librarians are
still finding glitter on their cardigans.
https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Farmer
Jane's cow, Elsie, used to sneak in the house at night and prop
people up against the wall. / Cows have hooves instead of feet
because they lactose.
..........And
this freaky little groupie from the funky side of
town.........Funkadelic with Eddie Hazel …..Undisco Kid
Moonbeam:
One is never more on trial than in the moment of excessive good
fortune. --Lew Wallace
Naturally
Occurring Mandala of the Week: Dandelion
Next
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A
wise man once said nothing. --Submitted by ag of ks
Week
of the Week: Bat Appreciation Week
(5-11)
Pinki
Piiig used to meditate on her third I. / Farmer John subscribed to
Porks Illustrated for his pigs.
..........Gettin'
down on the one which we believe in.........Funkadelic with Eddie
Hazel …..One Nation Under A Groove
^
The
safety pin was invented in 1849 by the American Walter Hunt, a
mechanic, who created it while fiddling with a length of wire.
Almanac:
It is Friday, April 10, 2020. The moon was full (Pink) on Tuesday
and is in Sagittarius. It is ASPCA DAY (American
Society for the Prevention of Curelty to Animals), National Farm
Annimals Day, National Sibling Day, Salvation Army Founder's Day,
Safety Pin Day, and Golfer's Day.
Among
those born on this day were Samuel Hahnemann (1755), Claude Seurat
(1797), Lew Wallace (1827), William Booth (1829), Joseph Pulitzer
(1847), Francis Perkins (1880), Ben Nicholson (1894), Clare Boothe
Luce (1903), Harry Morgan (1915), Chuck Connors (1921), Sheb Wooley
(1921), Junior Samples (1927), Omar Sharif (Michael Shalhoub, 1932),
Don Meredith (1938), Eddie Hazel (1950), Steven Seagal (1951), and
Haley
Joel Osment (1988).
On
April tenth Louis III was crowned King of France (879), the US patent
system was established (1790), the second Bank of US was chartered
(1816), the New York Tribune began
publication (1841), the safety pin was patented (1849), Maximilian
became emperor of Mexico (1864), Congress increased the number of
Supreme Court judges from 7 to 9 (1869), the first National black
convention met (New Orleans, 1872), the first professional golf
tournament was held (1916), The Great
Gatsby
was published (1925), synthetic rubber was first produced (1930),
Jackie Robinson joined the Dodgers (1947), Paul McCartney officially
announced that the Beatles had split up (1970), Penn met Teller
(1974), and NYC banned smoking in all restaurants that seat 35 or
more (1995).
Night
Sky, 4/10:
Algol
and its constellation Perseus, off to the right of Venus, are sinking
ever lower in the northwest after dark as the season advances. In
western North America, Algol goes through one of its eclipses this
evening. It should be at its minimum brightness, magnitude 3.4
instead of its usual 2.1, for a couple hours centered on 9:14 pm PDT
http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max
Picture of the Week:
Max makes his own mask Yes, it does sport multiple happy faces.
This
Week: Saturday, April 11 – Baby
Massage Day & Barbershop Quartet Day & Submarine Day
Sunday,
April 12 – Easter Sunday & Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day &
Walk on Your Wild Side Day
Night
Sky, 4/12: Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn are
grouped low in the southeast as dawn begins. Jupiter is by far the
brightest. Left of it is yellowish Saturn, and left of Saturn is
orange Mars. Each morning Mars moves visibly farther from Saturn.
Monday,
April 13 – Scrabble Day & Thomas Jefferson Day &
Make Lunch Count Day
Tuesday,
April 14 – National Dolphin Day & National Pecan Day &
National Perfume Day
Wednesday,
April 15 – World Art Day & Rubber Eraser Day & Take
A Wild Guess Day
Night
Sky, 15: Venus shines in the edge of the
Pleiades, then on subsequent evenings it blazes above the cluster.
Their separation widens by about 1° per day. In a telescope, Venus
is slightly less than half lit and 27 arcseconds in diameter. It will
continue to enlarge in size and wane in phase to become a
dramatically thin crescent in late May.
Thursday,
April 16 – Emancipation Day & National Bean Counter Day
& National Orchid Day
Farmer
Fred had a really mean duck that used to run at children and bite
them exactly one-two-three times. They called him Count Quackula. /
He eventually had to get rid of all his duck – they get up at the
quack of dawn.
..........Gonna
put the world away for a minute.........Funkadelic with Eddie Hazel
…..Knee Deep
^^
Numerous
improvements to safety pins were made during the late 1800s and early
1900s, although it wasn’t until 1907, that pins had a clasps
similar to the modern style clasp.
'Nother
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Whoever said one person
can't change the world never ate an undercooked bat. --Submitted by
rl of ca
Moonbeam:
The greatness of a man's power is the measure of his surrender.
--William Booth
Late
Night Snacks of the Week: That’s right,
governors are comparing buying life-saving ventilators for a pandemic
to surge pricing. This is capitalism at its absolute worst. While
Trump waits for the market to decide, people are literally going to
die, and states are getting ripped off like they’re trying to call
an Uber in the rain in midtown after a Broadway show. --Seth Meyers
/ Meanwhile, Georgia’s governor, Brian Kemp, started taking things
seriously because “we didn’t know until yesterday” that
asymptomatic people can spread the virus. You didn’t know that
until yesterday? It’s all anyone’s been talking about since
January! You’re like a guy saying: ‘You know, I finally started
watching this Game of Thrones. No one told me there were dragons in
it! This is a game-changer.’ --Stephen Colbert / Dr Anthony Fauci,
“the man whose calm leadership during this crisis has won him the
respect of all intelligent people and President Trump. Fauci has
reportedly been assigned a security detail due to conspiracy-related
threats. Now, unfortunately, getting threats is fairly standard for
anyone in the public eye; but what’s not standard is that Dr Fauci
is also receiving lots of ‘unwelcome communications from fervent
admirers’. Yes, that’s a nice way to say that your groupies are
crazy. --Trevor Noah
Not
So Late Night Snacks of the Week:
One hero
has emerged in all of this of late, and that is Andrew Cuomo,
governor of New York. Perhaps because of his calm leadership, but
probably just because there are no more sports to watch, Andrew
Cuomo's daily press briefings have become must-see TV. He's like an
older, meaner version of CNN's Chris Cuomo because that's exactly
what he is. It's weird because nobody even liked him a month ago. It
must be the epidemic. In real life, he's a four, but with corona
goggles, he's a nine. --Peter Sagal Wait
Wait Don't Tell Me
4/4/20
Love
is the purest form of a soul at peace --Matthew Donnelly
If
you cross a cow and a chicken you get roost beef. / Farmer Fanny's
cows were so pampered they gave spoiled milk.
..........You
could shake it for dinner or you could spread it all
around.........Funkadelic with Eddie Hazel
…..Hit It And Quit It
^^^
During the emergence of punk rock in the late 1970s, safety pins
became associated with the genre, its followers and fashion. ~~Good
thing because this was about the time that paper diapers came into
wide use and nearly killed the safety pin market.
Worthless
Fact of the Week: The Greek word apocalypse actually
means to uncover, reveal, or unveil the truth that has been ignored,
forgotten, misinterpreted, and/or misunderstood, and the phrase
apokalupsis eschaton literally means revelation at the end of
the aeon or age. Welcome to the new aeon...
Wicked
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
Psychologists recommend imagining everyone is Mitch McConnell to make
social distancing easier. --Submitted by sd of ks
Weird
Word of the Week:
Perverb – Create a preverb by snapping a couple of proverbs in half
and joining the end of one to the beginning of the other: A rolling
stone gets the worm or the road to Hell wasn't paved in a day.
http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-per1.htm
Wacky
Uses for Common Products:
Lure crabs. Chew a piece of Wrigley's Spearmint Gum briefly and use
it as bait on a fishing line.
http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wrigleys.html
Antepenultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
Stephen King is sorry you feel like you're stuck in a Stephen King
novel. --Submitted by ad of mo
Patsy
Pig broke up with her boyfriend because he was such a boar. / Peter
pig fell in love with and eventually married a tortoise named Toshie.
They had a litter of slow porks.
...........You've
lost the fight and the winner is fear.........Funkadelic
with Eddie Hazel …..Super Stupid
^^^^
Over 3 million
safety pins can be made by one factory in a day, almost 1 billion a
year. There are only two U.S. companies that make safety pins,
although there are many more companies abroad.
Penultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
Wisconsin Primary Voters Received “I Voted” gravestones. --The
Onion
Science
Fiction Joke of the Week: Three
conspiracy theorists walk into a TARDIS. Now don't try to tell me
that's just a coincidence.
Actual
Science Joke of the Week: If Silver Surfer & Iron Man
teamed up, they'd be Ally Alloys.
Puck
the Brave
Episode of the Week:
Here's our fearless Phantom Puck flying through the shadows in the
case of the sheltering shetland.
Shelly
shepherd loved her job but she kept falling asleep. / For some of us
democracy is just two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for
dinner.
..........sittin'
here, vibratin'.........Funkadelic with Eddie
Hazel …..Biological Speculation
^^^^^
The
safety pin patent was sold for $400 USD, which equates to roughly
$10,000 USD in 2008 to W R Grace Company in 1849, while Hunt is said
to have used some of the money to pay a small debt owed to a friend.
Month
of the Week: April is National
Decorating Month --I decided to redecorate my house while I'm shut
in. So far I have clothes thrown everywhere, stacks of books and
magazines covering the end tables, and three empty pizza boxes on the
floor to tie it all together.
Pet
Peeve of the Day: Some questions for
those Christians who not only refuse to stay home but demand that
nobody stay home: Do you figure God's too lazy to make house calls?
Is your house somehow unsuited for a God visit? Can't you hide the
swear jar under the sink for a hour? Are you ashamed that the
neighbors might see God at your front door? Are you afraid God's
black or female or speaks with a middle east accent? Is your dog
trained to attack strangers? Have you rented your spare bedroom to
Satan? Did you secretly vote Democratic?
Final
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
Today the devil whispered in my ear, “You're not strong enough to
withstand the storm.” And I whispered, “Six feet back,
motherf*cker” --Submitted by #RHOZ
Today's
Peace of History, April
10, 1998: The Northern Ireland peace
talks ended with an historic accord—called the Good Friday
Agreement—reached after nearly two years of talks and 30 years of
conflict. Former US Sen. George Mitchell (D-Maine) was chair of the
talks which established a Northern Irish Assembly for both the Irish
Catholic republicans and the British Anglican unionists.
Elmer
kept returning to the marijuana field every day, because the pot was
calling the cattle back. / Milking stools have only three legs
because the cow has the udder.
..........Soul
is a hamhock in your cornflakes.........Funkadelic
with Eddie Hazel …..What Is Soul
Masthead
of the Week:
Friday ePistle, April 10, 2020, Grangy ePistle. Peace, Love, and Farm
Fresh Humor. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/
Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS
66047
Moonbeam:
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. --Clare Boothe Luce
Cost
of War:
As
of 4/9/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,017,008,615,244.
As
of 4/2/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,015,114,956,314.
As
of 4/9/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $959,704,947,931.
As
of 4/2/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $958,417,987,765.
As
of 4/9/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $756,143,465,803.
As
of 4/2/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $754,525,616,705.
As
of 4/9/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $327,487,164,175.
As
of 4/2/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $327,119,442,947.
As
of 4/9/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,060,344,923,605.
As
of 4/2/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,049,725,922,728.
I
do not want the peace that passeth understanding. I want the
understanding which bringeth peace. --Helen Keller
Famous
Last Words: Personal differences, business
differences, musical differences, but most of all because I have a
better time with my family. Temporary or permanent? I don’t really
know. --Paul McCartney
..........Time
is passing I'm asking could this be real.........Sheb Wooley
…..Crazy Butterfly
Sheep
vacation in the Baaaahamas. / My cow lives in the back yard and keeps
my grass short. I call her my lawn moo-er.
May
Peace bless your garden
And
Joy grow like weeds
prairie
mama
christine
Last
Laugh:
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