Famous
First Words: The Constituent Assembly of the
Federative People's Republic of Yugoslavia...
Constitution of Yugoslavia, 1946
It's
Clean Out Your Inbox Week (26-31) so I am going through my inbox and
trying to find a joke for each of the things I throw away. Item:
Notice that Jeff's leather jacket order had been received: The CEO of
that new start up is so cool he has a leather blazer. / Belive
it or not, back in his day, Satan got around. On one particular crazy
night, he woke up next to an angelic chick. Unfortunately, over the
course of the night the temperature had dropped drastically, and she
hadn't thought to bring a jacket. Now, Satan might be the devil, but
he wasn't a douchebag, so he sent her home with one of his jackets.
Unfortunately, that was the last he heard from her for several
months, as she didn't return any of his calls. However, one day he
happened to run into her in a supermarket in the Astral Sea. "Look,"
he said, tapping her on the shoulder, "I'm over it, but can I
get my jacket back? It's one of my nicer ones." The girl
stammered an apology, saying she'd send it soon. Sure enough, a
couple of days later, a package appeared on Hell's doorstep. It
contained a garment identical in size and shape to Satan's Jacket,
but it was a pure white. Needless to say, Satan was upset at the loss
of his jacket, and called the girl up. Because she felt bad at having
taken his jacket for so long, she eventually picked up the phone.
Before Satan could say anything, she burst out, "I'm sorry, I
couldn't help it. It was just so comfortable, I wore the hell out of
it!"
..........Life
without life has no reason or rhyme left.........Carol Channing
…..Before the Parade Passes By
Peace
demands the most heroic labor and the most difficult sacrifice. It
demands greater heroism than war. It demands greater fidelity to the
truth and a much more perfect purity of conscience. --Thomas Merton
It
is a dark Friday morning. The sky is filled with the stars that
seems faint and far away. The quarter moon has not yet risen; I envy
it. The temperature is hovering around freezing but an insistent
breeze makes it feel colder. Puck watches out the car window for a
while and then curls up in the passenger's seat for a
pre-early-morning nap as we drive home from Jeff's work. The traffic
is a little heavier than usual in a Friday morning sort of way. I
listen to the radio talk about Kansas City Jazz history until the
news comes on. I reject it as an unnecessary pain in the butt. So
we move on in silence. ...
Awake
again after my early morning nap. The world is light but clouds are
hiding the sun, the temperature has risen two whole degrees and I am
sipping Moose Munch and writing to you. Ah, Friday !
Hope
your weekend is cluttered with fun, ePistliers
First
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Trump's slurred speech tied
to low battery in Putin's remote. --The Borowitz Report --Submitted
by ss of ks
Virgin
Mobile has taken it's monthly fee out of my account (8/19): Want to
see pictures of every meal I've ordered in a restaurant since 2002? /
But I do still have a landline … to locate my cell phone when it
goes missing.
..........You
know fast women and whiskey made this southern boy
wild.........Charlie Musselwhite …..Blues Overtook Me
Trivia
Questions: Happy Birthday, Scotch Tape! Are you familiar with
some of its stranger uses.
^
How did scotch tape help plane owner, Edward Bridwell?
^^
To what purpose have ornithologists used the tape?
^^^In
the 1930s Banks used the tape to do what?
^^^^
Why does the Goodyear Blimp use scotch tape?
^^^^^
For what purpose did England's ministry of defense use ten million
yards of scotch tape?
Big
Hello: Tereq – Võro (Estonia)
https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Too
many people, not enough voodoo dolls. --Submitted by ss of ks
Fake
Library Statistic of the Week:
76% of librarians quietly sing the alphabet song to themselves when
shelving. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Third
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
FOX has done to our parents what our parents thought video games
would do to us. --Submitted by ar of ks
Invitation
for a Memorial Day Action: Nuclear-Weapons-Free World (5/14/19): A
missile silo officer falls asleep during his watch, with his face on
the control board, and accidentally hits the "big red button".
An angry colonel bursts in, the junior officer snaps awake and
proudly announces: "Nothing to report during my watch, Comrade
Colonel" "Nothing to report, you say?! Nothing to report?!!
So where the hell is Belgium?!!!"
..........She's
long and tall she makes me moan and cry.........Charlie Musselwhite
….River Hip Mama
Moonbeam:
If our inconceivably ancient universe even had any beginning, the
conditions determining that beginning must even now be engraved in
the atomic weights. --Theodore W. Richards
Naturally
Occurring Mandala of the Week: Bird nest
Next
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A
sign carried by a teacher at a rally outside the Shawnee Mission
School Board contract meeting: It's time to use our outside voices
Week
of the Week: Meat Week (12-2/1) I heard
someone say they knew a guy named Hunter in college but he was vegan
so they called him Gatherer and I think that's hilarious.
Roy
Zimmerman poster update: There's a joke we tell among
us where we call our economics trickle drown ... on the end of the
ship that rises while the other end goes down. --Roy Zimmerson
..........Don't
fight the feeling, give yourself a chance........KC & the
Sunshine Band …..Shake Your Booty
^
After cows ate the resin-coated fabric on the rudder of a 1946 Taylor
craft plane, the owner used scotch tape to repair it.
Almanac:
It is Friday, January 31, 2020. The moon will be first quarter
tomorrow and is in Aries. Today is Inspire Your Heart
With Art Day, National Pre-School Fitness Day, Street Children Day,
and Dissar. In Lerwick, Shetland Islands it is Up-Helly-Aa/Norse fire
festival. Nauru celebrates Independence Day (1968) and Surrey
England it is Dicing
for Maid's Money Day.
Among
those born on this day were Francois-Xavier de Laval (1623), Robert
Morris (1734), Franz Schubert (1797), Theodore W. Richards (1868),
Zane Grey (1872), Anna Pavlova (1882), Eddie Cantor (1892), Tallulah
Bankhead (1903), John O'Hara (1905), Thomas Merton (1915), Jackie
Robinson (1919), Stewart Udall (1920), Carol Channing (1921), Joanne
Dru (1923), Norman Mailer (1923), Jean Simmons (1926), Suzanne
Pleshette (1937), Charlie Musselwhite (1944), Harry Casey (KC, 1951),
Phil Collins (1951), Johnny Rotten (1956), and Minnie Driver (1971).
On
January thirty-first the Spanish government went
bankrupt (1627), Borden introduced "evaporated milk"
(1851), Sirius dwarf star discovered (1862), the 13th Amendment to
the US Constitution passed congress (1865), Jose Marti left NYC for
Cuba (1895), Three Sisters
opened in Moscow (1901), Scotch Tape was first marketed (1928), Green
Hornet
debuted on radio (1936), Yugoslavia became a republic (1946), the Tet
Offensive began (1968), Apollo 14 launched (1971), and Kroc bought
the Padres (1974).
Night
Sky,1/31:
Orion
is high in the southeast right after dark, and stands highest due
south around 9 pm. Orion is the brightest of the 88 constellations,
but his showy main pattern is surprisingly small compared to some of
his dimmer neighbors.
http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max
Picture of the Week:
Captain Max upside down
This
Week: Saturday, February 1 –
Imbolc & Candy Making Day & International Day of Black Women
in the Arts & National Get Up Day
Sunday,
February 2 – Groundhog Day aka Candelmas, aka Hedgehog Day,
aka Marmot Day & Superbowl LIV
Night
Sky, 2/2: The
Moon, half-lit, shines near the head of Cetus. In early evening look
for Alpha Ceti (Menkar), an orange giant, about 8° to the Moon's
lower left. That's a little less than the width of your fist held at
arm's length. Farther to the Moon's right are the two or three
brightest stars of Aries.
Monday,
February 3 – Feed the Birds Day & National Football
Hangover Day
Tuesday,
February 4 – Liberace Day & National Hemp Day &
Quacker Day & World Cancer Day
Wednesday,
February 5 – National Girls & Women in Sports Day &
Weather Forecaster's Day & Shower with a Friend Day
Night
Sky, 2/5: Mercury creeps into view very low in
the glow about 30 minutes after sundown, far to the lower right of
Venus. Mercury is a little higher every day.
Thursday,
February 6 – Dry Bean Day & Lame Duck Day & Play
Monopoly Day
Invitation:
Earth Care Legislation Meeting: Happy Pretending You Know What You
Can and Can't Recycle Day! /Recycling is just common sense which is
probably why most people don't do it.
..........The
love we made can never be erased.........KC & the Sunshine Band
…..Baby, I Love You
^^
Ornithologists have used scotch tape to cover cracks in the soft
shells of fertilized pigeon eggs allowing them to hatch.
'Nother
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: No “She-sheds” or
“Bitch-barns” for me. I'll have a “Witch-wing”, thank you.
--Covenant
of the Goddess
Moonbeam:
An artist is his own fault. --John O'Hara
Late
Night Snacks of the Week: The Senate isn’t a
deliberative body because it doesn’t deliberate; it does nothing.
It’s where legislation passed by the House goes to die. We are very
much seeing at least some of the senators live down to the very low
expectations they’ve set for themselves. --Seth Meyers / The first
day of the trial was viewed by 11 million people, which is “not
Super Bowl ratings”, but it’s at least Puppy Bowl ratings. Though
that’s not really fair to compare puppies to US senators – the
puppies still have their balls. --Stephen Colbert / The president
himself is taking matters into his own little thumbs. Trump broke his
all-time record for tweets on Wednesday with 142, adding to his
presidency’s tweet count (as of November 2019) of 266,000. It’s
more than a Harry Potter book – and more fictional than a Harry
Potter book. --Jimmy Kimmel / You can’t just walk away – this
isn’t a conversation with Ted Cruz. These senators are jurors in a
trial against the president. You can’t just go home early because
you’re bored – that’s your job! If you didn’t want to be
bored at work, you shouldn’t have become a senator. --Trevor Noah
Not
So Late Night Snacks of the Week: If anyone
texts Mr Guiliani or calls him, he answers. He's very accessible.
It's something you could say that's positive about him. ... He says
the same thing on Fox News as he'd probably say over bloody marys.
It's worse up close. It - up close...yeah. I mean, just - you know,
he is, like, decaying, and I...didn't want to be mean to him. But,
you know, he showed up, and his fly was down. And...then he was
drooling. And then he fell into a wall. And this is before he started
drinking. --Oliva Nuzzi Wait, Wait, Don't
Tell Me
1/25/20
The
peace produced by grace is a spiritual stability too deep for
violence – it is unshakable. --Thomas Merton
Protestantism
& Partitas: (1/31/19): A good Lutheran woman
dies, goes to heaven, and finds everything she expected: picturesque
landscapes, perfect sunsets, and infinite tranquility and serenity.
Only one thing puzzles her: a high wall, far off in the distance,
that climbs almost to the clouds. “What’s behind that wall?”
she asks one of the angels. "Oh, that’s where we put the
Catholics,” the angel replies. “They think they’re the only
ones up here.”
..........It's
all been a pack of lies.........Phil Collins ….. In the Air
Tonight
^^^
During the depression, banks used scotch tape to mend torn currency.
Worthless
Fact of the Week: January 31 is Disfest or
Disablot which is a day of sacrifice honoring the Disir. The Disir
are all the female relatives from the eons of time that have passed
over and oversee as well as protect their living family members. In
some homes every candle and light is lit in the house to honor them.
A sacrifice of the very best food and drink in the house is given to
the Land Wights as well. It is a day of remembrance and honoring the
females that passed over and to thank them for their loving
protection.
Preantipenultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
Kansas: Keeping America safe from Missouri since 1854 --Submitted
by jp of ks
Wicked
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
Republicans are complaining that the Democrats are leaking
unfavorable news about Trump. In fairness, I say the Republicans
should feel free to leak any facts that prove Trump is innocent.
I'll wait. --pj of ks
Weird
Word of the Week: Fudgel (18th century) Pretending
to work when you are not actually doing anything at all.
--Submitted by 50
Nerds of Gray
Antipenultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If
you're being chased by a pack of taxidermists, do not play dead.
Wacky
Uses for Common Products:
Prevent a deck chair from slipping through the cracks of a dock.
Slit four Wilson Tennis Balls and fit them on the feet of the deck
chair. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wilson.html
The
saddest and funniest testament to American bigotry we've ever seen
(5/19/19): Survey: 56% of Americans think Arabic numerals shouldn't
be taught in schools. 3...2...1
...........Anything
you want to, anytime at all.........Phil Collins …..A Groovy Kind
of Love
^^^^
Scotch tape has been used as an anti-corrosive shield on the Goodyear
Blimp.
Penultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My
dad was a union man. He started all my bedtime stories with “Once
upon a time and a half...” --Submitted by ae of mo
Science
Fiction Convention of the Week:
SSA+S Toracon: (2/1, Sarasota) a family friendly anime, gaming, comic
& sci-fi convention https://www.ssastoracon.net/
Actual
Science Convention of the Week:
International Conference on Geological Engineering and Groundwater
30/31, NYC) ...practical
challenges encountered and solutions adopted
…
https://waset.org/geological-engineering-and-groundwater-conference-in-january-2020-in-new-york
Puck
the Brave Episode of the Week:
Here's our fearless Puck in the case of the How Cute Can I Be
Doctor's
Appointment Reminder (7/29/19): My doctor told me to start killing
people. Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the
stress in my life. Same thing.
..........I
use the best, I use the rest..........Johnny Rotten …..Anarchy in
the UK
^^^^^
During WWII, England's Ministry of Wacky Uses Defense used scotch
tape on windows to minimize flying glass during air raids.
Month
of the Week: February is Library Lovers
Month --Bad news. It turns out we can't leave our books to library
science. / He asked me out in the nonfiction section of the library,
so I know he'll be true.
History
Before It's Made of the Week: At the
upcoming Super Bowl LIV, Katie Sowers will become the first woman to
coach in a super bowl. Sowers is the assistant offensive-coach for
the 49ers even though she is from Hesston, KS and has the skyline of
Kansas City tattooed on her left forearm. Picture
Final
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
Driver: My car is making a horrible noise. Mechanic: Have you tried
removing that Justin Bieber CD?
Today's
Peace of History, January
31, 1993: 300,000 Berliners rallied to
protest attacks on immigrants, and against racism and renewed support
for Nazism on the 60th anniversary of Adolf Hitler's rise to power.
Space
Hibernation (11/19/19): Astronauts aren't hungry after blasting into
space because of their big launch. / I told my travel agent I wanted
to go somewhere hot and a log way from here. She gave me a ticket to
Mercury.
..........Don't
be told what you want.........Johnny Rotten …..God Save the Queen
Masthead
of the Week:
Friday ePistle ,January 31, 2020, Curated ePistle. Pristine peace
and clean clowning! Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/
Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS
66047
Moonbeam:
This motion-picture muddle had distracted me from my writing. --Zane
Grey
Cost
of War:
As
of 1/30/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,997,352, 557,516.
As
of 1/23/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,995,296,305,924.
As
of 1/30/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $946,346,476,118.
As
of 1/23/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $944,949,019,991.
As
of 1/30/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $739,350,095,619.
As
of 1/23/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $737,592,888,474.
As
of 1/30/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $323,670,440,369.
As
of 1/23/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $323,271,070,827.
As
of 1/30/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,006,720,543,374.
As
of 1/23/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,001,108,293,254.
Our
job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they
are worthy. --Thomas Merton
Famous
Last Words: power
to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.
--13th
Amendment US Constitution
..........There's
none so classy and this fair lassie.........Eddie Cantor …..If You
Know Susie
Your
Domino's Pizza order has been received (1/9/20): What type of person
doesn't love pizza? A WeirDough. / Pizza jokes are all about the
delivery.
May
Peace uncloud your spirit
And
Joy clear your mind
prairie
mama
christine
Last
Laugh:
