eBony ePistle

Famous First Words: Hello --Herb Shriner Herb Shriner Show

Have a safe and sane Black Friday...because only in the US do people trample others for low prices on shit they don't need the day after being thankful for what they already have. / You know Black Friday is a scam; they're over charging you the other 364 days.

..........Don't stand between the reservation and the corporate bank.........Buffy Sainte Marie …..Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee

Governments exist to protect the rights of minorities. The loved and the rich need no protection: they have many friends and few enemies. --Wendell Phillips

It is a very gray Friday morning. The temperature is hovering above freezing (38°F) so that last night's rain is still hanging about – literally off of fences and metaphorically in puddles without an icy icing. The sky is absolutely gray without texture or variation. There is not much wind so walking isn't a chore but the dampness seems down to seep into the soul. Puck barks at squirrels and when they skitter away, he barks at nothing. Our local murder of crows stops by to wish us a black Friday. Puck and I intend to stay home a finish digesting all the wonderful food we ate yesterday, but Jeffrey has ventured out into the crowds. We return home to warmth and the aroma of brewing coffee and incense which gives the house a festive atmosphere. And, finally, with a sweet, tart cup of coffee to my lips, I get to sit down and write to you. What a great morning.

Hope your weekend is filled with love not stuff, ePistliers, for who I am creatively thankful.

You can get up at 3:30 am and wait in line for 4 hours to shop Black Friday, but you can't make it to church because that's too early? / If you are going shopping today, be a decent human being and turn your phone horizontal before recording any fights.

..........And he knows he shouldn't kill and he knows he always will.........Buffy Sainte Marie …..Universal Soldier

Trivia Questions: Happy Flossing Day !!

^ How many times a day should you floss?

^^ Why is it important to floss?

^^^ Which is better water flosser or dental thread?

^^^^ Care to guess how much floss is used each year in the US?

^^^^^ Know what dental floss is generally made of?

Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock...That's Humerus --Submitted by pm of ks

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: Instead of a flask at their desk, 34% of librarians hide a box of wine in an unused magazine box. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Maurice skipped Black Friday because his hatred of mankind outweighs his love of stuff. / If you need $30 off your new TV so badly, you probably shouldn't be buying it in the first place.

..........the treaty's been broken by Kinzua Dam.........Buffy Sainte Marie …..Now That The Buffalo's Gone

Moonbeam: She is too fond of books, and it has turned her brain. --Louisa May Alcott

Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: Pinecone

Big Hello: Bitaю (Vitayu) – Ukrainian https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm ~~I'd like to pretend that I'm staying current (we pronounce it Keeve, now) but I'm going alphabetically and Ukraine was next.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Not Up for Energy Drinks? Try Apathy Drinks- for the weary & unmotivated: Red Sloth / Meh. Zero Energy / 5 Hour Nap

Week of the Week: World Karaoke Championship Weekend (27-29) --Oxygen and iron are on a date at a karaoke bar and everyone is telling them to go sing. So they say "we're a little rusty but we'll give it a shot"

Double Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Ah, did you adopt your dog? No, she's my biological dog.

You know, you save even more money if you don't buy anything. / Sure shopping online is convenient, but nothing beats the thrill of running through store aisles snatching door-busters out of other people's hands

..........You force us to send our toddlers away.........Buffy Sainte Marie …..My Country 'Tis Of Thy People You're Dying

^ Flossing once a day is sufficient.

Almanac: It is Friday, November 29, 2019. The moon was new last Tuesday and is in Capricorn. It is Pins and Needles Day, Electronic Greetings Day, Flossing Day, International Day of Solidarity with the Palestinian People, Maze Day, and National Day of Listening. In Albania it is Liberation Day (1944) and Liberia celebrates President Tubman's Birthday. Because it is the Friday after Thanksgiving, it is also Black Friday, Buy Nothing Day, National Native American Heritage Day, Sinkie Day, and You're Welcomegiving Day.
Among the people born on this day were Christian Doppler (1803), Wendell Phillips (1811), Louisa May Alcott (1832), Ambrose Fleming (1849), C.S. Lewis (1898), Merle Travis (1907), Herb Shriner (1918), Diane Ladd (1932), and John Mayall (1933).

On November twenty-nineth the monarchy was abolished in Yugoslavia (1945) and Kilauea erupted (1975).

Night Sky, 11/29: The Moon pairs with Saturn. Vega still shines brightly well up in the west-northwest after dark. The brightest star above it is Deneb, the head of the big Northern Cross, which is made of the brightest stars of Cygnus. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Max Picture of the Week: Max the stuntman preparing to jump from a nearly moving cow.

This Week: Saturday, November 30 – National Mason Jar Day & Small Business Saturday & Cities for Life Day

Sunday, December 1 – Basketball Day & Clark Kent's Birthday & Rosa Parks Day

Night Sky, 12/1: As the stars come out, the Cassiopeia W stands on end high in the northeast. Watch Cas turn around to become a flattened M, even higher in the north, by late evening.

Monday, December 2 – International Day for the Abolition of Slavery & National Mutt Day

Tuesday, December 3 – Giving Tuesday & International Day of Persons With Disabilities

Wednesday, December 4 – National Cookie Day & National Dice Day & National Sock Day

Thursday, December 5 – Bathtub Party Day & World Soil Day & Sachertorte Day

I saw a woman knock down her own husband in order to buy his Christmas gift 25% off. / I'm planning to shop online and what the Black Friday death toll climb on the news.

..........Who's got a head o' hair to match up with the raven.........Buffy Sainte Marie …..Native North American Child

^^ Flossing removes plaque and bacteria from between your teeth and it also improves your breath.

'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I tried donating blood today...never again! Too many stupid questions. Who's blood is it? Where did you get it from? Why is it in a bucket.

Moonbeam: Stay is a charming word in a friend's vocabulary. --Louisa May Alcott

Late Night Snacks of the Week: The next turkey to get pardoned will probably be Rudy Giuliani. Nunes, I don't think the word hypocrisy even covers it any more. This is the hypocalypse. --Jimmy Kimmel / Congress’s impeachment inquiry has taken the week off; I assume to spend more time dividing your family. The top Republican investigating whether Trump tried to get dirt on Biden tried to get dirt on Biden. It reminds me of the children’s classic Nancy Drew and the Case of the Man Murdered by Nancy Drew. --Stephen Colbert / The three stunned (Fox phone call rant) hosts were like three out-of-town tournists sitting on the subway watching a roach smoking a cigarette. --Seth Meyers

Still another Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: White House turkey declines pardon, agrees to testify before congress, Trump calls him a “never trumper”. --Submitted by rk of ks

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: On Wednesday, we met the man at the center of the Ukraine scandal, Ambassador Gordon Sondland. Almost immediately he threw the entire Trump administration under the bus. Although this being the Trump administration, they insisted on being thrown under a private jet. The amazing thing was as he implicated the president in high crimes along with all of his senior aides and cabinet members, he seemed to be having so much fun. He was laughing and smiling just like they did back in Watergate, you know? There's a cancer on the presidency, and it's fabulous. --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me 11/23/19

Physical bravery is an animal instinct; moral bravery is much higher and truer courage. --Wendell Phillips

TV has been advertising Pre Black Friday deals for a week now. I'm making book: in what year will Black Friday becomes Black November. / How many days before Black Friday can homeless folks pitch a tent outside a box store and not get arrested?

..........Magic never weakened, magic never hid.........Buffy Sainte Marie …..God Is Alive, Magic Is Afoot

^^^ Traditional floss is more effective at removing plaque from between the teeth than water flossers.

Worthless Fact of the Week: Peter II (currently of Denver, CO) was the last King of Yugoslavia, reigning from 1934-1945. He was a member of the Karađorđević dynasty.

Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Cheese is just a loaf of milk. --Submitted by ma of va

Even Wickeder Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Steve Winwood began his solo career in 1977. He would've started sooner, but he was stuck in Traffic.

Preantipenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We live in an oligopolic kleptoplutocracy and nobody seems to care. ... We care, it's just hard to spell. --Submitted by ae of mo

Weird Word of the Week: Spissitude – density, thickness, or compactness of a material. ...spissitude had been added to others, such as thermometer and truly rural, as words the New York police used to test the sobriety of midnight revelers. http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-spi2.htm

Antipenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Fun Fact: The Topaz Hmmingbird is the smallest bird in the world. Even though it has the smallest bird brain in existence, it knows that Russia, not Ukraine, attacked the US election system in 2016. --Submitted by rk of ks

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Prevent a chrome trailer hitch from getting scratched. Slit a Wilson Tennis Ball and put it over the trailer hitch as a protective cover.

Whoever said that money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping. --Bo Derek / Who profits the most from Black Friday? The people who stay home.

...........And I'm just another little girl who loves him so.........Buffy Sainte Marie …..He's An Indian Cowboy In The Rodeo

^^^^ If all the dental floss sold in the USA in a single year were placed end to end, it would stretch 3 million miles.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm so smart I was using college ruled paper while I was still in high school.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Chicago Tardis (29-1, Lombard, IL) 20^th Anniversary edition brings together fans every Thanksgiving weekend to celebrate the world’s longest-running science fiction television show. https://www.chicagotardis.com/

Actual Science Convention of the Week: Veterinary Microbiology & Microbial Disease (28-29, Jerusalem) ..aims to bring together leading academic scientists, researchers and research scholars … https://waset.org/agronomic-sciences-and-veterinary-medicine-conference-in-november-2019-in-jerusalem

Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck sniffing out a clue in the case of the Traumatized Turkey.

You can see better tackling and blocking at Black Friday than at the Thanksgiving football games. / I actually enjoy Black Friday. It's the one day I know exactly where all the nut jobs are and how to avoid them.

..........Hills are steep and the roads are muddy.........Buffy Sainte Marie …..Cripple Creek

^^^^^ Dental floss is commonly made out of one of two polymers (synthetic compounds), either nylon or Teflon.

Month of the Week: December is Bingo Birth Month. Is that your bra size or your bingo number? / Vampires play Bingo with stake money. / What has a whole bunch of balls and screws old ladies? A bingo machine.

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Evangelicals claiming that Trump is sent by God and doing God's will is the single strongest case of atheism that I have heard in my entire life. --Submitted by db of ks

Grammar Joke of the Week: The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beaten them unconscious and rifled their pockets for new vocabulary. --Terry Pratchett

Today's Peace of History, November 29, 1967: U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara announced his resignation during the Vietnam War.

Black Friday should be for bills too...I want 30% off if I pay my electricity bill on Black Friday. / We should change the name to The Hunger Games...where people kill each other to get $20 off a crock pot.

..........You Saddams and you Bushes; you Bin Ladens and snakes.........Buffy Sainte Marie …..The War Racket

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle November 29, 2019, eBony ePistle. Peace, Laughs, and Extreme Capitalism Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: Money is the root of all evil, and yet it is such a useful root that we cannot get on without it any more than we can without potatoes. --Louisa May Alcott

Cost of War:

As of 11/28/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,979,588,145,326.

As of 11/21/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,977,534,520,475.

As of 11/28/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $934,273,430,895.

As of 11/21/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $932,877,918,513.

As of 11/28/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $724,172,195,558.

As of 11/21/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $722,418,030,527.

As of 11/28/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $320,220,931,867.

As of 11/21/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $319,822,294,853.

As of 11/28/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,958,255,350,079.

As of 11/21/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,952,653,553,904.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Aristocracy is always cruel. --Wendell Phillips

..........She's a history turner, she's a sweetgrass burner.........Buffy Sainte Marie …..Starwalker ~~Today's songs are in honor of National Native American Heritage Day

Here's hoping Black Friday doesn't turn into Black and Blue Saturday. / Walmart plans to use its Black Friday security camera footage as the basis for a new hit reality show.

Famous Last Words: We have no right to happiness. --C. S. Lewis the last piece he wrote for publication before his death.

May Peace provide you sustenance

And Joy furnish your shelter

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Pilose ePistle

Famous First Words: Ladies and gentlemen, we're leaving Downing Street for the last time...Margaret Thatcher

It's NoSHAVEvember. Who shaves10 times a day and still has a beard? A barber. / The worst part of having a beard is being called a hipster.

..........Said the monkey to the chimp........Hoagy Carmichael …..Aba Daba Honeymoon

Patriotism is when love of your own people comes first; nationalism, when hate for people other than your own comes first. --Charles de Gaulle

It is a cold (33°F) Friday morning. I am sitting in the backyard looking at a gray sky with no texture, no variation; even staring at it awhile brings no patches of light and dark, no hint of movement. Puck is at the fence barking at two squirrels in Bruno's front yard. They are unimpressed and continue to scamper about in the leaves. There is one oak with clingy leaves and a dying evergreen that is now forever brown. The willows are completely devoid of leaf. Now and then a breeze wafts by spreading the scents of winter and whipping the willow switches hanging down. Puck loses interest in wildlife and returns to me on the patio. We hear birds singing but see none in flight. Puck's nose is very cold against my hand and so we come inside and peel off coats and hats. Puck immediately jumps onto the recliner, kneads the throw there into a proper bed so he can curl up and sleep and snore. I refill my coffee cup, doctor it up, stir it gently and take a long, warm breath of steam and a long, warm sip of sweetness. Ahh, and now I finally get to sit and write to you.

Hope your weekend is terrific, ePistliers, Have a great Thanksgiving and know that I am thankful for each of you.

I would definitely be a long-haired, beard person. Ever since third grade, there's always someone who's like, “You better get a haircut”. / Beards: they grow on you.

..........Hang a moon about her hitchin' post........Hoagy Carmichael …..Ole Buttermilk Sky

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday, Tarzan

^ Who is the creator and author of the Tarzan novels?

^^ By what peerage was Tarzan known?

^^^ In what year was the first Tarzan novel published?

^^^^ How many Tarzan novels did Burroughs pen before his death?

^^^^^ What was the name of Tarzan's ape mother?

Quote of the Week: Never wear your est trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and truth. --Henrik Ibsen

Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Drivers ignoring winter conditions may be subject to natural selection. --Submitted by pj of ks

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: The only conclusion from recent library focus groups is that patrons really like free cookies https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

I'm pretty fortunate with my beard – if I shave it off, I look like a completely different person. --Paul Sparks / You never see pictures of angels with beards because most men get to heaven by a close shave.

Real Reason for Trump's trip to Walter Reed: Treat burns sustained when his pants ignited.

..........I'll be down to get you in a taxi, honey........Hoagy Carmichael …..Darktown Strutter's Ball

Moonbeam: Give light, and the darkness will disappear of itself. --Erasmus

Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: A slice of lime

Big Hello: Salam – Turkmen https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: As I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps. --Submitted by ma of va

Week of the Week: International Games Week (17-23) --You know when you walk into a room and forget why you went in there? That's God playing Sims, he just canceled your action.

Kissing a guy with a beard is a lot like going on a picnic. You don't mind going through a little bush to get there. --Minnie Pearl / I'm not going to shave this November to show how lazy I am.

Real Reason for Trump's trip to Walter Reed: Copping Tunnel Syndrome, a common condition caused by repeatedly grabbing women by the … let’s just call it “copping a feel.”

..........You're busy doin' nothing all the livelong day........Hoagy Carmichael …..Lazybones

^ Edgar Rice Burroughs (1875-1950) was an American author who created Tarzan. Burroughs was named unofficial Mayor of Malibu in 1932

Almanac: It is Friday, November 22, 2019. The moon was last quarter on Tuesday and is in Libra. It is Start Your Own Country Day and Humane Society Anniversary Day. Guinea celebrates Portuguese Aggression Anniversary (~~I'm not sure why) and in Lebanon it is Independence Day (1943).

Among those born on this day were Erasmus (1511), George Eliot (1819), Andé Gide (1869), Tarzan (1888), Charles de Gaulle (1890), Hoagy Carmichael (1899), Rodney Dangerfield (1921), Geraldine Page (1924), Terry Gilliam (1940), Billie Jean King (1943), Jamie Lee Curtis (1958), and Mariel Hemingway (1951).

On November twenty-second Mount St. Helens erupted (1842), SOS was adopted as the universal help call (1906), Bolero was first performed (1928), Red Grange signed with the Chicago Bears (1925), Wayne Gretzky scored his 500th goal (1986), and Margaret Thatcher announced her resignation (1990).

Night Sky, 11/22 : Venus and Jupiter have closed to just 2° low in the southwest in twilight. On Saturday and Sunday evenings they'll be even closer. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Max Picture of the Week: Max the Plumber testing the latest training gear.

This Week: Saturday, November 23 – Dr Who Day & Fibonacci Day & National Adoption Day

Sunday, November 24 – Mother Goose Day & Stir Up Sunday

Night Sky, 11/24: Right after full darkness, Vega is the brightest star in the west. Its little constellation Lyra extends to its left. Somewhat farther left, about a fist and a half at arm's length from Vega, is 3rd-magnitude Albireo, the beak of Cygnus. This is one of the finest and most colorful double stars for small telescopes.

Monday, November 25 – Blasé Day & International Hat Day

Tuesday, November 26 – National Cake Day

Night Sky, 11/26: Vega is the brightest star in the west right after dark in November. Its little constellation Lyra extends to its left, pointing in the direction of Altair, the brightest star in the southwest. Three of Lyra's leading stars, after Vega, are interesting doubles. Barely above Vega is 4th-magnitude Epsilon Lyrae, the famous Double-Double. Epsilon forms one corner of a roughly equilateral triangle with Vega and Zeta Lyrae. The triangle is less than 2° on a side, hardly the width of your thumb at arm's length.

Wednesday, November 27 – National Jukebox Day & Tie One On Day

Thursday, November 28 - Thanksgiving

Having a giant beard really distracts people from noticing you're barely keeping it together emotionally. --Jason Mantzoukas. / I'm so old, I knew Gandalf before he had a beard.

Real Reason for Trump's trip to Walter Reed: Mitch McConnellitis, an infection caused by the Senate Majority Leader’s head being stuck up Trump’s ass.

..........You're gonna ease my mind put me there on time........Hoagy Carmichael …..Movin' On

^^ Duke of Greystoke is a title in the Peerage of Great Britain held by members of the Clayton family. Edgar Rice Burroughs simply refers to members of the family in his Tarzan novels as "Lord Greystoke"; in Tarzan Alive, Philip José Farmer refers to the family's senior title as that of Duke.

'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you see me talking to myself just move along... I'm self employed, we're having a staff meeting. --Submitted by nm of ks

Moonbeam: Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns. --Mary Ann Evans aka George Eliot

Late Night Snacks of the Week: If you don’t want to participate in the census for them, or for yourself, or for your community, I’ll actually give you one more good reason to participate, and that is that it would probably really irritate this guy, Donald Trump. Think about it – his administration already clearly thinks certain people don’t count, so what better way to get back at him than to make sure that you do, and make the census count you. --John Oliver / So according to Fox News, Americans are too dumb to follow these impeachment proceedings?The word impeachment is very confusing – maybe we should call it a presidential boo-boo, would that help? You know what’s funny? When it was Hillary’s scandal, Fox News was like, ‘Now as we all know, Benghazi isn’t just home to Libya’s signature dish bazin, it’s also a hotbed of support for Ansar al-Sharia, especially around Tahrir Square, this is a big thing in Libya!’ But then, when it’s a Donald Trump scandal, all of a sudden they’re like, ‘What’s a Ukraine?’ --Trevor Noah / NBC, for instance, tweeted that the hearings “lacked the pizazz necessary to capture public attention. Yeah, that’s what I’m looking for in deeply troubling congressional hearings: zazz. Since when is pizazz the benchmark of trustworthiness? I don’t want a pilot who says: ‘Attention passengers, we’ll be touching down in Denver in just a moment but first: barrel roll, barrel roll, shimmy shimmy.’ --Stephen Colbert / What do you mean it lacked pizazz? The only politicians who have ever been entertaining were the ones in Hamilton. What do you want them to do, show up with their own backup dancers like they’re in a chorus line? --Seth Meyers

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Yes, the impeachment hearings. Try to imagine the disappointment of the Democrats after their earlier version of their show, "The Robert Mueller Comedy Hour"...Totally bombed. They completely rebooted the series. They relaunched it as a streaming service, Impeachment Plus. It's got a brand-new committee, a new chairman, a new cast of star witnesses and totally new grounds for impeachment. But NBC News still panned it. Come on, guys. Didn't you see that one witness who was wearing a bow tie? He was just like a Chippendale dancer. --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me 11/16/19

I have come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to be left tot he politicians. --Charles de Gaulle

I look like Scooby-Doo in a beard. --Rocky Wirtz / Men who wear these big thick beards with scraped back hair...is it fashion or is Ireland up to something again.

Real Reason for Trump's trip to Walter Reed: Russian Influence-za, an STD caused by fellating a Russian dictator. There are only two known cures. An experimental drug called “Kremlinsulin” and a more traditional medical procedure called “impeaching the m**********r.”

..........And too much in love to say goodnight........Hoagy Carmichael …..Two Sleepy People

^^^ Tarzan of the Apes is a novel by American writer Edgar Rice Burroughs, the first in a series of books about the title character Tarzan. It was first published in the pulp magazine The All-Story in October 1912.

Preantipenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Doctor's Note: Donald J Trump is excused from the presidency due to brain spurs . --Hawkeye Pierce, M.D. Submitted by Veterans for Peace

Worthless Fact of the Week: Ravel's Boléro was commissioned by the Russian dancer Ida Rubinstein; it was first performed at the Paris Opéra on November 22, 1928, with a dance choreographed by Bronislava Nijinska.

Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sign hung on the door: I am already disturbed. Please come in. -submitted by lk of ny

Weird Word of the Week: Rodomontade /rɒdəʊmɒnˈteɪd/ --This is a delightfully imitative word, that rolls swaggeringly off the tongue, like the boastful or inflated talk or behavior that it describes. It was created from Rodomont, the name of the boastful Saracen king of Algiers, in two famous Italian romantic epics. http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-rod1.htm

Antipenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: ...when the moon hits your eye like it's 4:45, that's November. --Submitted by sd of ks

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Make parking cars in your garage easier. Hang a Wilson Tennis Ball on a string from the garage ceiling so it will hit the windshield at the spot where you should stop your car. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wilson.html

But you have to understand, my beard is so nasty. I mean, it's the only beard in the history of western civilization that makes Bob Dylan's beard look good. --Bill Walton / Dear Disney, why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Real Reason for Trump's trip to Walter Reed: A wypipodectomy, a non-invasive procedure that removes the “racist bone” Trump insists that he doesn’t have.

...........Comes as sweet and clean as moonlight through the pines........Hoagy Carmichael …..Georgia on My Mind

^^^^ Tarzan is a series of twenty-four adventure novels written by Edgar Rice Burroughs (1875-1950) and published between 1912 and 1966, followed by several novels either co-written by Burroughs, or officially authorized by his estate.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Two things about the Democratic Party 1) It's true, they're better than the Republicans 2) That's the maximum achievement they aspire to --Submitted by ae of mo

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: WinterCon – the Largest Sci-Fi Expo in NY (22-24, NYC) The Holiday Pop Culture Experience is BACK For Three Straight Days of Celebrity Guests, Cosplay, Panels & Live Events, Children's Events, and MORE Right in Queens, NY http://nywintercon.com/

Actual Science Convention of the Week: GCMS Training: A Hands on Approach (18-22, Lagos, Nigeria) – Gas Chromatography – Mass Spectrometry {Pan Africa Chemistry Network & Royal Society of Chemistry} http://www.rsc.org/events/detail/37275/gcms-training-a-hands-on-approach-nigeria-2019

Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck taking a week off work to cheer on the new basketball season. Go, Jayhawks

You go to Brooklyn, everybody's got a beard and plaid shirt. They may be able to tell each other apart, but they all look alike to me. --Don Lemon / It's good to have beardless friends. When you go out everyone assumes you're their leader.

Real Reason for Trump's trip to Walter Reed: Lie-abetes, most people don’t know that excessive bullshitting can damage the bullshituitary gland, which secretes the hormone that causes pathological lying.

..........Tell 'em I'll be there........Hoagy Carmichael …..In the Cool, Cool, Cool, of the Evening

^^^^^ Kala is the fictional ape character who was the adoptive mother of Tarzan. Kala is a mangani (a fictional species between chimps and gorillas.

Month of the Week: November is National Pomegranate Month --The bouncer at the fruit bar never let in the pomegranate because he was just so seedy. / Polly became leader of the Pom Pom Pomegranate squad.

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you like subpoena coladas and getting caught in Ukraine. --Submitted by rhb of ks

Grammar Joke of the Week: Welcome to the Bureau of Redundancy Department: “The criminals self-incriminated themselves.

Today's Peace of History, November 22, 1968: What is believed to be the first interracial kiss on US broadcast television occurred in an episode of Star Trek between William Shatner and Nichelle Nichols.

Today's Peace of Woman's History, November 22, 1941: Juanita Spellini became the first woman executed in California. Nicknamed The Duchess, she was a gangster and ex-wrestler.

The scruffier your beard, the sharper you need to dress. --Ashton Kutcher / A friend was looking at an old picture of me and asked, “Did you grow a beard?” No. I shave my photos.

..........Linger awhile in the shade of the tree........Hoagy Carmichael …..Lazy River

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle November 22, 2019, Pilose ePistle. Peace and Laughs that tickle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: Believe those who are seeking truth, doubt those who find it. --André Gide

Cost of War:

As of 11/21/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,977,534,520,475.

As of 11/14/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,975,561,950,774.

As of 11/21/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $932,877,918,513.

As of 11/14/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $931,537,306,979.

As of 11/21/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $722,418,030,527.

As of 11/14/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $720,732,701,103.

As of 11/21/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $319,822,294,853.

As of 11/14/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $319,439,268,657.

As of 11/21/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,952,653,553,904.

As of 11/14/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,947,272,082,304.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Treaties, you see, are like roses; they last while they last. --Charles de Gaulle

..........And now the purple dusk of twilight time........Hoagy Carmichael …..Star Dust

You know what I like about a beard? You can always look contemplative. --Joshua Jackson / A bread is pretty much the only thing guys are comfortable complimenting each other on.

Famous Last Words: my most excellent disciples of Folly. --Erasmus In Praise of Folly

May Peace grace your face

And Joy grace your heart

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Accolade ePistle

Famous First Words: To all to whom these Presents shall come... Articles of Confederation

It is National Book Award Week (10-16). Here's some awards that didn't make the mainstream media: Best Books for Dogs Award (the Lassies): The Best Butts by Charlie B Barkin Runner-up: As I Lay Panting by Beauregard Bloodhound

..........Follow the fellow who follows a dream.........Petula Clark …..Look To The Rainbow Finian's Rainbow

True peace is not merely the absence of war, it is the presence of justice. --Jane Addams

It is a cold (32°F) Friday morning. The sky is pale and streaked with thin jet trails that disappear before they fatten out. The sky is also streaked with crows that are moving in circles so that it is hard to count how many are about. There is no wind to move jet trails or foliage still clinging to tree branches with golden gloves. Puck barks because it's cold, he barks to say good morning to the four little dogs who live in the corner house, and he barks at some unseen menace behind the privacy fence. The crows do not answer. We cut the walk short because dry air makes breathing hard and we return to warmth and the aroma of brewing coffee and last night's incense. Puck begins the never ending task of getting his blanket, folded on the floor, just right. It takes a lot of pushing and pulling to make a really good dog nest, apparently. I fix a cup of decaf and hold it to my face to breathe the steam, to smell the coffee, and clear the sinuses. I take a long, deep gulp and turn my attention to writing to you. Pretty nice start for a day.

Hope your weekend wins all the trophies, ePistliers.

Best self-help book for women (The Bettys): Mom Jokes by Strong Woman Runner Up: How To Succeed In Business Without A Penis by Karen Salmansohn. Integrating humor with practical business advice. ~~This is a real book

..........Is that little brook still leaping there.........Petula Clark …..How Are Things In Glocca Morra Finian's Rainbow

Trivia Questions: Happy Anniversary to the League of Nations

^ What was the League of Nations anyway?

^^ Any idea who championed the LoN in the US and/or who opposed it?

^^^ What is the league's connection to the 1920s Geneva Protocol?

^^^^ What did the league do or not do to help nations avoid war?

^^^^^ The Kellogg-Briand Pact was part of the league's agenda, what do you know about that pact?

Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The medical term for owning too many dogs is roverdose. --Submitted by sd of ks

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: Instead of a comfort animal, 39% of librarians carry a copy of their favorite novel everywhere they go. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Best Basic Business Book (Chapos): Marketing Strategies for Cocaine Sellers by Tony Montana Runner Up: Win Bigly by Scott Adams

..........My heart feels so sugar candish.........Petula Clark …..Something Sort Of Grandish Finian's Rainbow

Moonbeam: Unlimited power is apt to corrupt the minds of those who possess it; and this I know, my lords, that where laws end, tyranny begins. --William Pitt the Elder

Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: A grain of sand

Big Hello: Merhaba - Turkish https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you're an astronaut and you don't end every relationship by saying “look, I just need space” then you're wasting everyone's time. --Submitted by bk

Week of the Week: International Fraud Awareness Week (15-21) --...amid reports of corruption and voter fraud, the UN has sent a delegation to Kabul to verify the Afghanistan elections results. The UN council found no evidence of tampering or voter fraud and have certified Hamid Karzai as the winner with approximately 115% of the vote.

Millennial Novel of the Year (the 21sts): Harry Potter and the Unshakable feeling that he could have gone pro at Quidditch if he hadn't gotten married and had kids by J K Rowling Runner Up: How to Show Someone That You Hate Them If You Are Too Shy to Say It by Valiant Vibe

..........With moons all around and cows jumping over.........Petula Clark …..If This Isn't Love Finian's Rainbow

^ The League of Nations was an international diplomatic group developed after WWI as a way to solve disputes between countries before they erupted into open warfare. A precursor to the United Nations, the League achieved some victories but had a mixed record of success.

Almanac: It is Friday, November 15, 2019. The moon was full (Beaver) last Tuesday {And it was beautiful} and is in Gemini. It is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day, America Recycles Day, I Love to Write Day, National Bundt (Pan) Day, and National Philanthropy Day. In Belgium it is King's Day and in Brazil it is Republic Day (1889). Japan is celebrating 7-5-3 Festival Day .

Among those born on this day were William Pitt (the elder, 1708), William Herschel (1738), Gerhart Hauptmann (1862), Lewis Stone (1879), Georgia O'Keeffe (1887), Erwin Rommel (1891), Averell Harriman (1891), Mantovani (1905), Edward Asner (1929), Petula Clark (1931), Sam Waterston (1940), and Beverly D'Angelo (1954).

On November fifteenth the Articles of Confederation were adopted by congress (1777), Pike first sighted “Pike's Peak” (1806), the League of Nations held its first meeting (1920), NBC broadcast its first show on a radio network (1926), the Cow Palace in San Francisco opened (1941), Gemini XII returned to Earth (1966), and Leonid I Brezhnev was buried (1982).

Night Sky, 11/15: The waning gibbous Moon is high by late evening. It's in Gemini, in the dim feet of the Castor stick-figure. Much easier to spot are Castor and Pollux, far to the Moon's lower left. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Max Picture of the Week: Max the hardware engineer with his assistant

This Week: Saturday, November 16 – International Day for Tolerance & National Button Day & Teddy Bear Day

Sunday, November 17 – Homemade Bread Day & Take A Hike Day

Night Sky, 11/17: The Leonid meteor shower is annually active in the month of November and it usually peaks around November 17 or 18. The shower is called Leonids because its radiant, or the point in the sky where the meteors seem to emerge from, lies in the constellation Leo. ...Up to 15/hour https://www.timeanddate.com/astronomy/meteor-shower/leonids.html

Monday, November 18 – Mickey Mouse Day

Tuesday, November 19 – Have A Bad Day Day & International Men's Day

Wednesday, November 20 – African Industrialization Day & Name Your PC Day

Night Sky, 11/20: Vega is the brightest star in the west early on November evenings. Its little constellation Lyra extends to its left, pointing in the direction of Altair, the brightest star in the southwest.

Thursday, November 21 – Great American Smoke Out

Children's Politically Correct Book of the Year (The Libtards): How the Grinch Stole the Non-religion Specific Celebration of the Winter Solstice Holiday. Runner Up: Grandpa Gets A Casket by Owen Geeser

..........When a rich man doesn't want to work he's a bon vivant.........Petula Clark …..When The Idle Poor Become The Idle Rich Finian's Rainbow

^^ The League of Nations has its origins in the Fourteen Points speech of President Woodrow Wilson, part of a presentation given in January 1918 outlining of his ideas for peace after the carnage of World War I. By December of the same year, Wilson left for Paris to transform his 14 Points into what would become the Treaty of Versailles. Republican Congressman Henry Cabot Lodge led a battle against the treaty. Lodge believed both the treaty and the League undercut U.S. autonomy in international matters.

'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My child does not want to eat meat. What can I replace it with? --A dog. Every dog eats meat. --A Way With Words

Moonbeam: I have looked further into space than ever human being did before me. I have observed stars of which the light, it can be proved, must take two million years to reach the earth. --Sir William Herschel

Late Night Snacks of the Week: With All Due Respect, puts the former White House chief of staff John Kelly and former secretary of state Rex Tillerson on blast for undermining Trump. On the one hand, I understand where Nikki Haley is coming from. Trump won the electoral college, so his policies are what people voted for. His staff shouldn’t try to undermine him. On the other hand, this is also the same president who suggested nuking hurricanes, so maybe cockblocking him is a good idea? --Trevor Noah / A memo obtained by Axios outlined Republican talking points to defend Trump throughout the hearings – for example, that he didn’t do anything wrong because he had an “innocent state of mind”. Something I think we forget is that Trump wants us to believe the reason he held up the aid money and demanded investigations is because he was concerned about corruption in Ukraine. The guy who had to pay out $25m for a fraudulent university wants us to believe he cares about corruption in a country he definitely couldn’t find on a map. There’s no way. --Jimmy Kimmel / The Texas congressman Mac Thornberry, for example, said on ABC on Sunday that Trump pressuring a foreign leader to investigate his political rivals was “inappropriate” but not “impeachable” because “there’s not really anything that the president said in that phone call that’s different than he says in public all the time”. So what? Just because you publicly brag about a crime doesn’t make it legal. The cops won’t leave you alone just because you put up a sign that says: ‘I heart my murder shed.’ --Stephen Colbert / We’re living in an unprecedented era of massive inequality, and there’s a hunger among voters for a candidate who will fight for systemic change. Voters don’t seem to want a self-appointed billionaire savior to ride in and save them and if you think you are that savior, you might actually just be,” to quote a heckler of billionaire potential candidate Howard Schultz, an “egotistical billionaire asshole”. --Seth Meyers

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Contestant Harry McEnerny: "The Apprentice" gets impeached. Segal: That's certainly one of the titles they workshopped. But it is, of course, you're right, the impeachment hearings. If you thought "The Little Mermaid Live!" on ABC this week was impressive...You're going to love next week's public impeachment hearings. It will be just like "The Little Mermaid," except it'll be Rudy Giuliani who suddenly starts singing.The hearings, which have taken place in private for weeks now, will finally get some airtime on live TV. Seriously, whoever thought Donald Trump would be on a trial show, and it wouldn't be "Law and Order: SVU?" Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me 11/9/19

The good we secure for ourselves is precarious and uncertain until it is secured for all of us and incorporated into our common life. --Jane Addams

Best Millennial Memoir Ebook of the Year (Memes): The Man Who Walked Away From Facebook by Ryder Walkman. Runner Up: The Never Ending Showdown by Boomer B Dam'd

..........I love the girl I'm near.........Petula Clark …..When I'm Not Near The Girl I Love Finian's Rainbow

^^^ The Geneva Protocol was devised in the 1920s to limit what is now understood as chemical and biological weaponry. In the 1930s the World Disarmament Conference, which was meant to make disarmament a reality, failed after Adolf Hitler broke away from the conference and the League in 1933.

Worthless Fact of the Week: This weekend at the Cow Palace in San Francisco the Crossroads if the West is loading up. During the last year, this show attracted more than half a million guests. ~~Wonder if Moms Demand Action will have a table there.

Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I want to make a documentary on Ken Burns. See how he likes it. --Submitted by snh

Weird Word of the Week: Quinquagenary – fifty or fifty years http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-qui4.htm

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Childproof the sharp corners of furniture. Cut old Wilson Tennis Balls in half or quarters and use Scotch Packaging Tape to tape the sections over sharp corners of coffee tables, end tables, cabinets, dining room tables, and other pieces of furniture that might be dangerous to a small child. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wilson.html

Best How-To Books for Children (Seussies): My First Methlab, A Ladybird Easy Reading Book. Runner Up: Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School

...........Glory times comin' for to stay.........Petula Clark …..That Great Come-and-Get-it Day Finian's Rainbow

^^^^ The League struggled for the right opportunity to assert its authority. Secretary-general Sir Eric Drummond believed that failure was likely to damage the burgeoning organization, so it was best not to insinuate itself into just any dispute. When Russia, which was not a member of the League, attacked a port in Persia in 1920, Persia appealed to the League for help. The League refused to take part, believing that Russia would not acknowledge their jurisdiction and that would damage the League’s authority.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Do not go gentle into this great fight, rage, rage against the lying of the right. --Submitted by ra of hi

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: CONjuration (15-17, Atlanta) –Immersive, Fan Directed, Magical Fantasy... https://www.conjurationcon.com/

Actual Science Convention of the Week: Seminaire Internationale de Biologe (16-19, Béchar, Algeria) Plantes médicinales et substances bioactives...https://www.gazettelabo.info/calend/fiche.php?fiche=8585

Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck staring out at the November snow in the case of the Chilly Chow Chow.

Winner Children's Tales Retold (Oldies): If You Give A Cyclops A Kitten. A Little Golden Book Runner Up: Kick, Scream, Cry: How To Get What You Want

..........Something in your eyes I see, soon begins bewitching me.........Petula Clark …..That Old Devil Moon Finian's Rainbow

^^^^^ The League was also involved in the Kellogg-Briand Pact of 1928, which sought to outlaw war. It was successfully adapted by over 60 countries. Put to the test when Japan invaded Mongolia in 1931, the League proved incapable of enforcing the pact.

Month of the Week: November is National Peanut Butter Lovers Month --Peanut butter is the glue that holds my life together. / You can't make everybody happy, you're not a jar of peanut butter.

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: In the very end, civilizations perish because they listen to their politicians and not to their poets. --Jonas Mekas

Grammar Joke of the Week: Edit your essay well; our teacher is a corrections officer for the grammar police.

Today's Peace of History, November 15, 1957: U.S. Committee for a Sane Nuclear Policy (SANE) was founded. Thirty years later on November 20, SANE merged with the Nuclear Freeze organization (dedicated to freezing all nuclear weapons testing worldwide) at a joint convention in Cleveland to form SANE/FREEZE. Its successor is known as Peace Action, the largest peace organization in the US.

Best Cookbook for Cats (Furballs): Making Chocolate Mouse by Ann Fedimine ~~The cat couldn't read it anyway, she was il-litter-ate. Runner Up: Who Shat In The Hat by Dr Seuss

..........Lordy, Lordy, how they did begat, how they did begat even more than that..........Quartet ...The Begat Finian's Rainbow

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle November 15, 2019, Accolade ePistle. Love, Laughs, and Fake Books Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: Americans wanted to settle all our difficulties with Russia and then go to the movies and drink Coke. --Averell Harriman

Cost of War:

As of 11/7/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,975,561,950,774.

As of 11/7/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,973,583,128,200.

As of 11/7/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $931,537,306,979.

As of 11/7/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $930,192,574,058.

As of 11/7/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $720,732,701,103.

As of 11/7/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $719,042,367,247.

As of 11/7/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $319,439,268,657.

As of 11/7/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $319,055,061,474.

As of 11/7/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,947,272,082,304.

As of 11/7/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,941,874,580,286.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

For action is indeed the sole medium of expression for ethics.. --Jane Addams

..........To the east with the lark, to the west with the sea.........Petula Clark …..Look To The Rainbow Finian's Rainbow

All Around Worst Book of the Year (Aaws): Unsolicited Bullshit by Rainbow Brown Exploring a world where others have a surprisingly negative reaction to your uninvited input and unpleasant personality.

Famous Last Words: ...cease to be a Member of the League. The Covenant of the League of Nations

May your Peace be short-listed

And your Joy win the day

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: