Famous
First Words: There is nothing wrong with your television set.
--Outer Limits introduction
Because
it is the first Friday the 13th
of 2019, it is Blame Someone Else Day. I blame Mother Earth for all
these earthquakes. It always her fault. --Steve Ensley / There
is no argument that video gaming is an extremely effective training
tool. These young minds will be indoctrinated to homosexual
relationships as normal lifestyles with homosexual characters being
portrayed as heroes in warfare and in romantic situations.
/ We're not getting the
job done; and I'm not going to blame myself. I'll be honest: They are
not getting the job done. --Donald Drumpf
..........But
it really doesn't matter........Mel Torme …..Isn't It A Lovely Day
Every
human being, of whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves
respect. We must each respect others even as we respect ourselves.
--U Thant
It
is a moist Friday morning. Dew covers everything and 63°F is
perfect for walking. The world is green and smells of foliage and
damp cement. The sky is a beautiful blue scattered with clouds and
jet trails not moving across the sky. Even the willow branches are
still. Puck avoids the wet grass and trots first on the sidewalk and
then in the street sniffing every object in his path. He barks up
the tree across the street even though there is no evidence of
squirrels and he barks at a noise he hears but cannot locate. Birds
are out in flocks; small ones are busy discussing the morning and
large ones are flying silently high overhead. Puck stops to drink
from the puddle made where a driveway meets the street and then walk
on. Ah, but this is a dead end road and eventually we find ourselves
at our own driveway...journeys often end where they began, I guess.
And now I sit with sweetened decaf and sweetened bread and I get to
write to you. What a lucky Friday the 13th.
Hope
yours is the luckiest weekend this year, ePistliers.
When
your ass is to blame...asphalt.
..........love
those sprayed on trousers.........Nell Carter …..White Boys
Trivia
Questions: A big Happy Birthday to Hadrian's Wall !!
^
Know where it is?
^^
About who build it or when?
^^^
Besides wall, what else was built there?
^^^^
What international honor does the wall enjoy?
^^^^^
Lengthwise how does Hadrian's Wall compare to other famous/infamous
walls?
Funniest
Thing I Read of the Week: Everybody's
been talking about your paranoia.
Funniest
Thing I Read of the Week2:
I'm not sure where you learned to whisper, but I 'm guessing inside a
helicopter surrounded by chainsaws. --Submitted by cmr of ks
Fake
Library Statistic of the Week:
Administrators
decide a new librarian's starting salary by squaring their most
recent bowling score.
https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
I
blame my weight gain on my roommate. Every time it's his turn to
cook, I eat out. / Mental
illness and hatred pulls the trigger, not the gun.
--Donald Drumpf
..........Hey,
everybody, let's have some fun.........Ray Charles …..Let The Good
Time Roll
Moonbeam:
Havana, Cuba, in which
city yellow fever had not failed to make its yearly appearance during
the past one hundred and forty years... Havana was freed from yellow
fever within ninety days. --Walter Reed
Naturally
Occurring Mandala of the Week: Hurricane as seen from orbit
Big
Hello: Tālofa –
Tokelauan (Polynesia & New Zealand)
https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Next
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I
have multiple favorite songs and I love them equally because I'm
polyjamorous. --Submitted by ar of ks
Next
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week2:
Adderall – Meth but for children
Week
of the Week: International Housekeepers
Week (8-14) --Prince's housekeeper of 20 years was offered a job as
a crime scene investigator because of experience dusting for prince.
/ A silicon valley
millionaire woke up in the morning and found that her Mexican
housekeepers were gone. She asked her gardener where they went. Sven
replied that Steve Jobs showed up earlier and offered them the same
work at his mansion for double their previous wage. The millionaire
became furious. "Damned Jobs, coming here and taking our
immigrants!"
My
dad didn't love me as a child, but I don't really blame him. I
wasn't born until he was an adult. / Gay
people exist because pregnant women have anal sex in a shocking
statement. --Bishop Neophytos Masouras of Morphou
..........You're
much sweeter, goodness knows.........Nell Carter …..Honeysuckle
Rose
^
This is the “answer” to where is it: The
original structure stretched more than 70 miles across the northern
English countryside from the River Tyne near the city of Newcastle
and the North Sea, west to the Irish Sea.
However, a little research came up with about 100 miles southeast of
Edinburgh.
Almanac:
It is Friday, September 13, 2019. The moon will be full (Harvest)
just before midnight tonight and is in Pisces. It is Defy
Superstition Day, Blame Someone Else Day, International Chocolate
Day, Kids Take Over the Kitchen Day, National Celiac Awareness Day,
National Peanut Day, Roald Dahl Day, and Stand Up to Cancer Day. In
Pennsylvania it is John Barry Day (1803).
Rhodesia celebrates Pioneer Day (1923) and worldwide it is Dante
Alighieri Day. Because it is the second Friday is it also Fisherman's
Walk Day in Scotland.
Among
those born on this day were Grigory Potemkin
(1739), Walter Reed (1851), John J. Pershing (1860), Sherwood
Anderson (1876), Roald Dahl (1916), Ray Charles (1918), Mel Torme
(1925), Barbara Bain (1931), Judith Martin (1938), Jacqueline Bisset
(1944), and Nell Carter (1948).
On
September thirteenth work began on Hadrian's Wall (122), New York
City became the capital of the nation (1788), Margaret Chase Smith
became the first woman to serve in both houses of Congress (1948),
the LPGA formed (1949), The Outer Limits
premiered (1963), and for the first time Today
was broadcast totally in color (1965).
Night
Sky, 9/13:
The
Moon rises in the east shortly after sunset for North America, a
lovely sight as twilight descends. After dark, look upper left of the
Moon for the Great Square of Pegasus balancing on one
corner (outside the frame above). The Square is made of 2nd- and
3rd-magnitude stars.
http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max
Picture of the Week:
Max celebrates making it through year one.
This
Week: Saturday, September 14 –
National Hollerin' Day & National Iguana Awareness Day
Sunday,
September 15 – Greenpeace Day & International Day of
Democracy & Tackle Kids Cancer Day
Night
Sky, 9/15:
Arcturus, the "Spring Star," shines a little lower in the
west after dark each week. From Arcturus, the narrow kite-shaped
pattern of Bootes extends 24° to the upper right.
Monday,
September 16 – National Tattoo Story Day & Step Family
Day & National Guacamole Day
Tuesday,
September 17 – Citizenship Day & National Professional
House Cleaners Day
Night
Sky, 9/15:
Mercury,Venus,
and Mars are out of sight behind the glare of the Sun.
Wednesday,
September 18 – National Respect Day & Hug A Greeting
Card Writer Day
Thursday,
September 19 – National Ask An Atheist Day & Talk Like A
Pirate Day & National PawPaw Day**
**Lawrence
has ripe PawPaw at the Lawrence Community Orchard, 800 Garfield St,
66044. And here is a YouTube of
Picking Up PawPaws –
a song our mother sang frequently and loudly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnpLS5PNZpw
How
many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they
prefer to sit in the dark and blame liberals. / Fake
News has contributed greatly to the anger and rage that has built up
over many years. --Donald Dumpf
..........Somewhere
there's music, it's where you are..........Mel Torme ….How High
The Moon
^^
Hadrian’s
Wall is the remains of stone fortifications built by the Roman Empire
following its conquest of Britain in the second century
CE. Hadrian came to power in 117 CE.
'Nother
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I googled my symptoms
turned out I just need “a new president”. --Submitted by pj of
ks
'Nother
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week2:
The First Rule of Passive Aggressive Club is...you know what, never
mind. It's fine. --Submitted by am of va
Moonbeam:
We
shall remain American and go into battle with Old Glory over our
heads. I will not parcel out American boys. --John J Pershing
Late
Night Snacks of the Week: Filibuster: There is
nothing about a 60-vote threshold for legislation in the
constitution, nothing about it in the Federalist Papers, nothing in
Jefferson’s private letters, and nothing skillfully rapped by
Alexander Hamilton to the delight of everyone within earshot. The
first filibuster wasn’t used until 1837, and therefore it was
categorically not part of the founders’ original vision. It’s
like claiming the day Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he
also sent the first dick pic. --John Oliver / Meanwhile, Drumpf has
been taking heat for charges of corruption, since Pence and members
of the US military have recently stayed at Drumpf properties in
Europe. People say that as commander-in-chief, Drumpf is self-dealing
to his own businesses. Drumpf’s defense: “Yeah, but I’m rich.”
--Stephen Colbert / It’s another Monday in the Drumpf era, which
means we all awoke to another fever dream of cruelty, stupidity and
corruption. In the past few days, the president has: launched a
“deranged” attack on John Legend and Chrissy Teigen on Twitter,
come under House investigation for the military’s use of Drumpf
property in Scotland, announced and scrapped a secret meeting with
the Taliban at Camp David that upended months of peace talks, and
mocked the former South Carolina governor Mark Sanford for once
having an Argentinian mistress. Or, as Drumpf phrased it on Twitter,
Sanford “was found in Argentina with his Flaming Dancer friend”.
Now we think he meant to type Flamingo Dancer, which also would have
been wrong, because it’s Flamenco Dancer, which also would’ve
been wrong, because there’s no evidence that Sanford’s former
mistress had ever been a flamenco dancer. It’s like a seven-layer
dip of presidential insanity. --Seth Meyers / The prospects for the
Amazon seem dire – a situation calling for an unlikely hero: Donald
Drumpf. We need to get the president to pull out that magic Sharpie
of his, and we need to get him to send that hurricane down from
Alabama all the way to Brazil to fan out the flames. Come on, Mr
Drumpf, use your power for good! --Trevor Noah
Not
So Late Night Snacks of the Week: I'm Tom
Papa, and I'm filling in for Peter Segal, who is currently
volunteering with storm cleanup in Alabama. Have you ever smoked
weed and thought, am I doing this right? Am I being polite? Am I
peeing my pants, and do all my friends hate me? Well, pick up the new
marijuana manners handbook called "Higher Etiquette." It
covers how to behave in dispensaries, how to label the weed you
provide for guests and when to use your salad joint and when to use
your dessert joint. --Tom Papa Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me 9/7
Wars
being in the minds of men, and in those minds, love and compassion
would have built the defenses of peace. --U Thant
I'm
terrified of bats, but I blame my childhood for that. My dad often
took a swing at me. / To err is human. To blame someone else is
politics. --Hubert H Humphrey
..........We
all must do our share.........Nell Carter …..Cash For Your Trash
^^^
Historians believe the original plan was to build a
wall of stone or turf, fronted by a wide, deep ditch. It would
feature a guarded gate every mile, with two observation towers in
between each gate. Ultimately, 14 forts were added to the wall, and
were augmented by an “earthwork” known as the Vallum to the
south. It is essentially a large mound designed to serve as another
defensive bulwark. Of
all of these structures, only a portion of the original wall and the
Vallum remain.
Worthless
Fact of the Week: The LPGA was founded by a
group of 13 golfers: Alice Bauer, Patty Berg, Bettye Danoff, Helen
Dettweiler, Marlene Bauer Hagge, Helen Hicks, Opal Hill, Betty
Jameson, Sally Sessions, Marilynn Smith, Shirley Spork, Louise Suggs,
and Babe Zaharias.
Wicked
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I'm not used to consuming
wine in pill form.
Wicked
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week2:
I have to admit that I did not have “secretly invite the Taliban to
Camp David 3 days before 9/11” on my Donald Trump Batshittery Bingo
Card. --Jeff Teidrich
Weird
Word of the Week:
Honorificabilitudinitatibus “We
are in the arena of sesquipedalian
words
— those a foot and a half long, whose prime characteristic is their
length rather than their sense or value. Honorificabilitudinitatibus
may
be rendered more succinctly as “of honour”. Any word used by
James Joyce (in Ulysses)
and William Shakespeare (in Love’s
Labour Lost)
can’t be entirely dismissed from the canon of English.
http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-hon1.htm
Wacky
Uses for Common Products:
Break in a new baseball mitt. Rub a few drops of Wesson Vegetable Oil
into the palm of the glove, place a baseball in the glove, fold the
mitt around it, and secure with rubber bands. Tuck the mitt under a
mattress and leave overnight.
http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wesson.html
It's
true that only a bad chef blames his tools, but you try filleting a
fish with a spoon. / Now let's hear from Legal Revision, who will
explain how the results of my decisions aren't my fault. --Wiley
Miller
...........I
never saw rainbows in my wine.........Mel Torme …..I'm Beginning
To See The Light
^^^^
Hadrian's Wall is a UNESCO World Heritage Site. It is
a striking example of the organisation of a military zone and
illustrates the defensive techniques and geopolitical strategies of
ancient Rome. Now, it's part of a much larger and more ambitious
Site: the Frontiers of the Roman Empire (FRE), a ‘transnational’
Site: the result of the German Limes being added in 2005, and the
Antonine Wall (between the Forth and the Clyde, in Scotland) in 2008.
Capitalist
Meme of the Week: Nestle: Turns Water Into Capitalism.
Antepenultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Grant
me the courage to change the things I can, and a Sharpie to change
the rest. --Submitted by ma of va
Penultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week2:
Science
Fiction Convention of the Week:
ScareFest Horror & Paranormal Con (12-15, Lexington, KY) Axes,
Brews and Booze with the stars https://thescarefest.com/
Actual
Science Convention of the Week:
10th
Euro-Mediterranean Symposium of Laser=Induced Breakdown Spectroscopy
(8-13, Brno, Czech Republic) promising
technique for analysis and characterization of the composition of a
broad variety of objects of cultural heritage including painted
artworks, icons, polychromes, pottery, sculpture, and metal, glass,
and stone artifacts.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00216-006-0908-1
Puck
the Brave
Episode of the Week:
Here's our fearless Puck charming the socks off a client in the case
of the tedious
tabby
As
a mom, it breaks my heart to see how quickly my children blame
someone else. They get it from their father. / Fluoridation
is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we
have ever had to face. --Gen J D Ripper
..........I'm
happy on the shelf........Nell Carter …..Ain't Misbehavin'
^^^^^
Great Wall of China - 13,170 miles / Donald's Taj
MaWall – 1,969 / Berlin Wall - 124 miles / Great Wall of Gorgon -
121 miles / Hadrian's Wall - 70-80 miles
Month
of the Week: September is International
Square Dancing Month -Hipsters hate Square dancing. / How many square
dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb? * - Square dancers do
everything in groups of 8.
Final
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: In
the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
--Submitted by msh of bc
Final
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week-1:
There are almost 5,000 gods being worshiped by humanity. But don't
worry, only yours is right. --Submitted by sb of ar
Grammar
Joke of the Week: A panda walks into a bar,
sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a
gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the
bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my
waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells
back at the bartender, "Hey, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The
bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for
panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian orgin, characterized
by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.
Today's
Peace of History, September
13, 1982: The European Parliament
voted to phase out promotion and advertising of war toys throughout
the 25 countries of the European Union (formerly European Economic
Community).
I
blame gravity for my low grades in school; it was always pulling me
down. / You can't blames things for being dark if the light bulbs
aren't working. --Tony Evans
..........I
wanna happy ending.........Nell Carter …..Gimme A Break
Masthead
of the Week:
Friday ePistle September 13, 2019, Faulty ePistle. Laughs, Love, and
a clear conscience. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/
Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS
66047
Moonbeam:
I am a lover and have not found my thing to love. --Sherwood
Anderson
Cost
of War: As of 9/13/19 Military Costs of War
since 2001: $2,958,036,064,960.
As
of 9/06/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,956,048,895,515.
As
of 9/13/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $919,626,375,431.
As
of 9/06/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $918,276,067,458.
As
of 9/13/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $705,758,786,899.
As
of 9/06/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $704,061,445,914.
As
of 9/13/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $316,036,066,043.
As
of 9/06/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $315,650,352,411.
As
of 9/13/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,899,458,089,717.
As
of 9/06/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,894,037,751,400.
The
war we have to wage today has only one goal and that is to make the
world safe for diversity. --U Thant
..........It's
all over now......... Ray Charles …..I'm Movin' On
Blaming
all stringrays for Steve Irwin's death is a clear example of
Ray-cism. / I don't believe Hurricane Harvey is God's punishment for
Houston electing a lesbian mayor. But that is more credible than
'climate change' --Ann Coulter
Famous
Last Words: Those who don't believe in magic will never find
it. --Roald Dahl Minpins
May
Peace soak up your guilt
And
Joy blot out your fault
prairie
mama
christine
Last
Laugh:
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