Famous
First Words: The thick ticking of the tin clock.... Bernard
Malamud Idiots First
Happy
Birthday to Anita Loos, first ever Hollywood staff writer and creator
of Lorelei Lee. Fate keeps on happening. --Anita Loos And Gracie
Allen, one of the funniest women ever to live. I read
a book twice as fast as anybody else. First, I read the beginning,
and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and read
toward whatever end I like best. --Gracie Allen
..........not
just one of the crowd........Duane Eddy …..Rebel Rouser
My
pacifism is not based on any intellectual theory but on a deep
antipathy to every form of cruelty and hatred. --Albert Einstein
It
is a beautiful Friday morning. 48°F is perfect with a light jacket.
The sky is inhabited only by a pale half-moon. A light breeze
animates the tree and shrub branches wafting about the smell of mowed
grass and various flowers, seen and unseen. Bird song dominates the
soundtrack – a pair of ducks flying low overhead provide the bass,
chattering sparrows flitting about the utility wires and tree limbs
carry the melody, the neighborhood murder of crows sing counterpoint.
Until they are all rudely interrupted by the alarm of a school bus
backing up. The golden forsythia has almost totally morphed into
green leaves and the redbud has lost much of its purple, but the 500
shades of green provide a depth and texture just as satisfying. We
linger at the edge of the park, sniffing every single clump of
foliage before returning home to a house filled with the aroma of
freshly brewed coffee. Puck drinks his milk and then the milk set
out for Justice and slowly nods into sleep. I doctor my coffee with
cream and sweetener and inhale the steam as I walk from kitchen to
computer. I allow the warmth to slide down my throat announcing that
the day has officially begun. And now I get to write to you.
Perfect.
Hope
your weekend is a hoot and a half, ePistliers.
I
really think that American gentlemen are best after all, because
kissing your hand may make you feel very good but a diamond and
sapphire bracelet lasts forever. --Anita Loos / Never
place a period where God has placed a comma. --Gracie Allen
..........Let's
gly way up to the clouds.........Bobby Rydell .....Volare
Trivia
Questions: Congratulations to The Green Monster (Fenway Park)
on the anniversary of its first home run.
^
Any idea why it is called Fenway?
^^
How about the seating capacity of the original park?
^^^
Who threw out the first pitch in the first game in Fenway (4/9/12)?
^^^^
About when did the all-electric scoreboard appear?
^^^^^
What's the current seating capacity?
Funniest
Thing I Read of the Week: We had to kill
the Vikings, because they bathed and brushed their hair and our wives
couldn't resist such sophistication. #MedievalTwitter
Fake
Library Statistic of the Week:
75%
of a librarian's friends and family refuse to play Scrabble with
them
https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Father
of Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
Could not pour piss out of a boot with directions written on the
sole. --Submitted by da of uk
You
said that if I went to visit Clara Bagley in the hospital I should be
sure to take her flowers. So, when she wasn't looking, I did.
--Gracie Allen / It isn't that gentlemen really prefer
blondes, it's just that we look dumber. --Anita Loos
..........Your
shoes ain't buttoned and your clothes don't fit your right.........Ma
Rainey …..See See Rider Blues
Moonbeam:
Everything
we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a
perspective, not the truth.
--Marcus
Aurelius
Something
to Think About of the Week: Rose. Both
Navajo Indians and Tibetan monks create sand mandalas to demonstrate
the impermanence of life.
Big
Hello: Salaam
alaykum - Somali https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Next
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The
Mueller report has so many black outs it reminds Brett Kavanaugh of
high school. --Paul Lander Submitted by ma of va
Week
of the Week: National Infant
Immunization Week (27-5/4) –Why was the anti-vaxxer's 4 year old
child crying? Midlife crisis / Millennials only make fun of
unvaccinated children because they are jealous that they have to wait
to die. ~~My spell check does not recognize unvaccinated as a real
word or a real thing, apparently.
Next
of Kin of Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
The most frequently asked question among the Bustle dating site match
ups is: What college did your parents bribe you into?
I
mean Fanny (Bryce) is almost historical, because when a girl is cute
for 50 years it really begins to get historical. --Anita Loos / A
platform is something a candidate stands for and the voters fall for.
--Gracie Allen
..........One
more once (wah wah wah wah).........Bobby Rydell …..Wild One
^
The park was named by then Red Sox owner John I.
Taylor. He said, “It’s in the Fenway section of Boston, isn’t
it? Then call it Fenway Park.”
Almanac:
It is Friday, April 26, 2019. The moon is last quarter today and is
in Aquarius. It is World Intellectual Property Day
(WIPO), Richter Scale Day, National Pretzel Day, Hug an Australian
Day, Audubon Day, National Kids and Pets Day, Take Our Daughters and
Sons to Work Day, Arbor Day, and National Hairball Awareness Day. In
Guinea-Bissau it is a Municipal Holiday and
Tanzania celebrates Union Day (1964).
Among
those born on this day were Marcus Aurelius
(121), Marie de'Medici (1573), David Hume (1711), John James Audubon
(1785), Delacroix (1798), Alice Cary (1820), Syngman Rhee (1875), Ma
Rainey (1886), Anita Loos (1889), Rudolf Hess (1895), Gracie Allen
(1906), A.E. Van Vogt (1912), Bernard Malamud (1914), I.M. Pei
(1917), Carol Burnett (1933), Duane Eddy (1938), and Bobby Rydell
(1942).
On
April twenty-sixth Easter was celebrated for the first time (1478),
Copernicus makes his first observations of Saturn (1514), William
Shakespeare was baptized (1564), the University of Innsbruck was
formed (1677), the first smallpox vaccination was adminstered (1721),
the Independent Order of Odd Fellows Lodge was established (1819),
Grand Polonaise Brillante
premiered (Chopin, 1835), Fenway Park saw its first homerun (1912),
Madam Tussaud's waxworks opened in London (1928), the organ was first
used at a baseball stadium (Cubs, 1941), Ariel was launched with the
first international payload (1962), Red Auerbach retired (Celtics,
1966), Studio 54 opened (1977), Schwarzenegger married Shriver
(1986), Chernobyl exploded (1986), and Ozzie Smith stole his 500th
base (1992).
Night
Sky, 4/26:
Last-quarter
Moon (exactly at 6:18 pm. EDT). The Moon rises tonight around 3 am
right in the center of the dim, boat-shape pattern of Capricornus.
High above it is Altair. The brightest "stars" far to the
Moon's right or upper right are Saturn, then Jupiter.
http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max
Picture of the Week:
Max with Easter swag.
Extra
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: F K
T MP WE CAN REDACT TOO
This
Week: Saturday,
April 27 – Bob
Wills Day & Babe Ruth Day & Independent Bookstore Day
Sunday,
April 28 – National Pet Parent's Day & Workers Memorial
Day & International Dance Day
Night
Sky, 4/28: Right
after dark, find Procyon high over bright Sirius in the southwest.
Look upper left of Procyon by 15° (about a fist and a half at arm's
length) for the dim head of Hydra, the enormous Sea Serpent. His head
is a group of 3rd- and 4th- magnitude stars about the size of your
thumb at arm's length.
Monday,
April 29 – Zipper
Day & Peace
Rose Day & World Wish Day
Tuesday,
April 30 – Bugs Bunny Day & National Raisin Day &
Beltane Eve
Night
Sky, 4/26: Right after dark, the Sickle of
Leo stands vertical high in the south. Its bottom star is Regulus,
the brightest of Leo. Leo himself is walking horizontally westward.
The Sickle forms his front leg, chest, mane, and part of his head.
Denebola, about two and a half fists left of Regulus, is his
tail-tip.
Wednesday,
May 1 – May Day &
Beltane &
Hug Your Cat Day & Law Day & National Golf Day
Thursday,
May 2 – National Day of Prayer & Roberts Rules of Order
Day & World Tuna Day
On
a plane you can pick up more and better people than on any other
public conveyance since the stagecoach. --Anita Loos / You
remember me. I’m Gracie Allen. I’m the candidate who forgot to
take off her hat before she threw it in the ring. --Gracie Allen
..........I
want to learn to dance..........Ma Rainey …..Black Bottom
^^
When first completed, Fenway sat 24,400 fans: 11,400
grandstand seats, 8,000 in pavilion seating and 5,000 in the
bleachers. There were no stands in right field. That area was used as
a parking lot for players.
'Nother
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A human-sized bunny laying
chocolate eggs … still more plausible than trickle-down economics.
Submitted by ae of kc
Moonbeam:
I feel I am strange to all but the birds of America. --John
James Audubon
Late
Night Snacks: In other words, Drumpf probably
thought he broke the law, and that now his past was coming for him,
like in that movie I Know What I Did Last
Summer. --Stephen Colbert / Elizabeth
Warren’s plan is to come down harder on big corporations not paying
adequate taxes, especially Amazon. She should publish her plan on
Amazon just so we can see the recommendations below it. You might
also like Jailing Wall Street Bankers or Bernie Sanders Yelling at a
Billionaire. --Seth Meyers / Maybe when she’s in prison she could
do some good. Maybe she could help some of her fellow inmates cheat
on their GEDs. I say put the parents in jail until the kid gets a
perfect score on the SAT. --Jimmy Kimmel
Classic
Not So Late Night Snacks: SAGAL: Now, your
father - again, for those who don't know - was the world's most
famous and successful ventriloquist. He had a dummy, Charlie
McCarthy. And... BERGEN: He was also a famous ventriloquist on
radio. SAGAL: And I have to say, I have - and I mean no offense -
I've seen archival film of your father doing his act. And just like
people say I have a face for radio, he was a ventriloquist for radio.
BERGEN: Exactly. --Peter Sagal and Candice Bergen Wait, Wait Don't
Tell Me 12/8/28
Recommendation
of the Week:
Roy Zimmerman ("Lyrical
brilliance. Just excellent." --"Weird
Al" Yankovic) will be in concert this Sunday (4/28) at ECM (1204
Oread Ave). If you're in Lawrence, I highly recommend him. I've
seen him 2 in concert and owned his cds. Here's a sample of his
work: Rift
Valley Drifters
“With music this good and humor this insightful, there is good
reason to be optimistic.”
Niece
of 'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
I'm afraid if I start working out, I'll be too sexy. --Submitted by
jm of ks
I
am not only a pacifist but a militant pacifist. I am willing to fight
for peace. Nothing will end war unless the people themselves refuse
to go to war. --Albert Einstein
Every
politician must be able to keep both feet on the fence with his ear
to the ground. --Gracie Allen / I once witnessed more ardent
emotions between men at an Elks' Rally in Pasadena than they could
ever have felt for the type of woman available to an Elk. --Anita
Loos
..........Flyin'
like crazy all over town.........Bobby Rydell …..Butterfly Baby
^^^
JFK’s grandfather, John F. Fitzgerald, threw out
the first “first pitch.”
Worthless
Fact of the Week: A
hairball is usually thought of as a “cylindrical mass of hair that
is regurgitated from the stomach of a cat”. --Now you are aware.
Little
Memory of the Week: We always had books
when I was growing up and we went to the library regularly and
checked out books. But the strangest book I remember as a child was
my father's sine/cosine chart book. It was all numbers. There were
a few words at the top of the page for page after page of row after
row of numbers. So mysterious. I kind of felt like that the first
time I saw a periodic table too.
Wicked
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You
don't have to be crazy to be my friends. I'll train you.
--Submitted by gb of ks
Archaic
Word of the Week:
Gardyloo – Derived from the French shout of “garde à l'eau”
(Beware of the water!) when a chamber pot was emptied out the window
into the street below.
https://listverse.com/2011/10/21/20-great-archaic-words/
Wacky
Uses for Common Products:
Remove grease stains from linen. Spray WD-40 directly to the stain,
rub it in, let it soak for a few minutes, then wash through a regular
cycle. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wd40.html
Weird
Uncle of Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My blood
type used to be Whiskey Negative, now it's Coffee Positive.
--Submitted by nm of ks
Tallulah
(Bankhead) never bored anyone, and I consider that humanitarianism of
a very high order indeed. --Anita Loos / I was so
surprised at being born that I didn't speak for a year and a half.
--Gracie Allen
...........He'll
make you laugh, he'll make you cry.........Ma Rainey …..Jelly Bean
Blues
^^^^
The park installed an all-electric scoreboard in
1934, the first to use red lights for strikes and green lights for
balls.
Penultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The
word “nun” is just the letter “n” doing a cartwheel.
Science
Fiction Convention of the Week:
OzCon: The Mystery Begins... (26-28, West Plains, MO) Three
days of awesomeness will have a little bit for everyone including
Anime, Cosplay Events, MTG, Warhammer, Warmachine, Role Playing
games, and much more.
http://oz-con.com/
Actual
Science Convention of the Week:
ENSAR2 workshop: GEANT4 in Nuclear Physics.(24-26, Madrid,
Spain) Monte
Carlo simulations play a key role in the planning, realization, and
analysis of nuclear physics experiments and applications
https://indico.cern.ch/event/746466/
Puck
the Brave
Episode of the Week:
Here's our fearless Puck mid-haircut (It takes 2-4 days to get
through it all) in the case of the Bedraggled Bearded
Collie.
I
think there's so much good in the worst of us, and so many of the
worst of us get the best of us, that the rest of us aren't even worth
talking about. --Gracie Allen / The wrong side of the tracks
is livelier. --Anita Loos
..........Looking
for some new delight.........Bobby Rydell …..The Alley Cat Son
^^^^^
Current
Seating Capacity at Fenway: 37,493 at Night, 37,065 during the day.
The
seating capacity varies because a tarp is used during afternoon games
in dead center field to provide a backdrop for hitters.
Month
of the Week: April is School Library
Media Month –Our middle school library changed the sign for
Autobiographies to Literary Selfies
Final
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
Elizabeth Warren is everything Hillary Clinton pretended to be.
--submitted by abf of ks
Quote
of the Week: I am not young enough to
know everything. --Oscar Wilde
Grammar
Joke of the Week: A
hot blond walks into a bar and ordered a double entendre. The
bartender gave it to her.
Today's
Peace of History, April
26, 1966: Gorky
Gonzales left the Democratic Party and founded the Crusade for
Justice, a Chicano activist group.
Unexpected
Grammar Joke of the Week: English is difficult. It can be
understood though through tough thorough thought. --Submitted by ra
of ks
I've
had my best times when trailing a Mainbocher evening gown across a
sawdust floor. I've always loved high style in low company. --Anita
Loos / When my mother
had to get dinner for 8 she'd just make enough for 16 and only serve
half. --Gracie Allen
..........I
dreamed last night I was free from harm.........Ma Rainey …..Sissy
Blues
Masthead
of the Week:
Friday ePistle April 26, 2019, LoosEpistle. Online at:
http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/
Peace, laughs, and funny ladies. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith.
2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam:
Women and men in the crowd meet and mingle, yet with itself every
soul standeth single. --Alice Cary
Cost
of War:
As
of 4/25/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,918,242,530,673.
As
of 4/18/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,916,268,616,385.
As
of 4/25/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $892,582,248,924.
As
of 4/18/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $891,240,866,356.
As
of 4/25/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $671,760,440,701.
As
of 4/18/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $670,074,348,016.
As
of 4/25/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $308,309,175,952.
As
of 4/18/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $307,926,005,081.
As
of 4/25/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,790,895,048,069.
As
of 4/18/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,785,510,643,593.
Only
through perils and upheavals can nations be brought to further
developments. May the present upheavals lead to a better world.
--Albert Einstein
..........Don't
go away, we'll be back soon as we listen to the yakety
sax..........Duane Eddy …..Boss Guitar
A
girl with brains ought to do something with them besides think.
--Anita Loos / Men no longer prefer blondes. Today, gentlemen seem
to prefer gentlemen. --Anita Loos / This used to be a government of
checks and balances. Now it's all checks and no balances. --Gracie
Allen / The president of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow.
--Gracie Allen
Famous
Last Words: So long, good-night..........Carol Burnett Theme
Song I'm So Glad We Had This Time Together
May
Peace give you joy
And
Joy give you peace
prairie
mama
christine
Last
Laugh:
