Friday, March 15, 2019

eDaphic ePistle


Famous First Words: The day was first created so people could avoid decisions once a year. --National Everything You Think Is Wrong Day
March 10-16 is National Agriculture Week: A tornado hit a farmhouse just before dawn. It lifted the roof off, picked up the bed on which the farmer and his wife slept, and set them down gently in the next county. The wife began to cry. “Don't be scared, Susan,” her husband said. “We are not hurt.” Susan continued to cry. “I'm not scared. I'm happy 'cause this is the first time in 15 years we've been out together. “
..........The taste of life was sweet as rain upon my tongue.........Roy Clark …..Yesterday, When I Was Young
Peace means happiness with nonviolence not hatred. Without peace innocent lives will be destroyed.
It is a breezy (15 mph) Friday morning. The sun is shining. It lights up the dancing branches of the willows. The wind makes the 33°F temperature feel viciously cold. Only Puck and I seem to notice. Birds of all sizes and voices are singing and flying about enjoying the sunlight, greeting the day; but the sound of car motors near and not so near also reach the ear and hint at a somewhere world that's in a hurry. The last of the snow piles have completely melted and only wet spots and tiny ponds remain. We do not last long in the wind and return to a warm house that smells of brewing coffee. Now I watch the bird out the window while Puck slumbers on the jayhawk blanket. I take a large gulp of sweetened, creamed decaf and sit down to write to you. Yum.
Hope your weekend raises a crop of fun, ePistliers.
FYI of the Week: edaphic /ə'dafik/ adjective of, produced by, or influenced by the soil. “long-term cultivation may cause near-irreversible edaphic changes.
Did you hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field. / Farmer Fran used to practice stand up comedy in front of the cows. All it got her was laughing stock.
..........'Til her daddy takes the T-Bird away.........Beach Boys …..Fun Fun Fun
Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday, Maine!
^ Which Maine city the the eastern most point on the USA?
^^ About how much of the US lobster crop is caught in Maine?
^^^ What about the blueberry crop?
^^^^ Maine has the oldest VA hospital in the US. Know anything about it?
^^^^^ Which out spoken Maine senator delivered the anti-McCarthy Declaration of Conscious speech?
Historical Observation of the Week: April 30, 1951 is the date on which “under God” was added to the Pledge of Allegiance. In July came the “Great Flood of 1951”. Just sayin'
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Spring Forward – How fricking far did you move it? --Submitted by eg of mt
Friend of Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's tornado season, y'all, don't sleep naked! --Submitted by The Real Housewives of OZ
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: It will take approximately three tries of what you know is the correct password before you can log on to a circ desk computer. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Two cows were talking in a field one sunny day. The first cow said to the other, “Have you hear about Mad Cow disease that’s going around? The second cow replies, “Yeah, makes you glad you’re a penguin, doesn’t it?”.
..........And I know it wouldn't take much time..........Beach Boys …..Help Me, Rhonda
Moonbeam: There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it. --Andrew Jackson
Something to Think About of the Week:

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Jared Kushner found his security clearance in a box of Cracker Jack. --T Hamilton
Week of the Week: It is Sherlock Holmes Weekend (15-17) --Watson is frustrated with Holmes putting him down all the time. He reads all of Sherlock Holmes’ cases again and practices deduction all day. Watson says he'll prove he's as good as Holmes. When he goes out, he finds a green bottle on the road. Just as he’s about to pick up the bottle, he sees a green colored genie with two horns walking towards him. Before the genie can speak, an enraged Watson says: “Hey genie, the texture of your green hair tells me that you’ve been in this bottle for around 5 years and 12 days.” The genie gapes at Watson in wonder. He’s about to speak again when Watson says: “The soil particles attached to your ear indicate that you used to live in Alperton.” The genie gulps and is about to stammer something when Watson again interrupts and says, “The style of your shoes tells me that your grandfather was Persian.” This is too much for the genie. He finally blurts out, “As usual Watson, you have noticed the trifles and missed all that is important. Can’t you see I’m Sherlock freakin’ Holmes in disguise?”
Its election time in rural Ireland and a busload of local politicians crash off-road into a nearby field. Emergency services are called to the scene, but no passengers are found. The ambulance crew ask a nearby farmer has he seen the politicians. “I buried them”, he replies. “Are they all dead?” Ask the ambulance crew. The farmer said, "Well, some of them said they were alive but you can't believe anything a politician says can you?"
..........While horses and cars all in a row.........Ry Cooder …..President Kennedy
^ Eastport is the most eastern city in the United States. The city is considered the first place in the United States to receive the rays of the morning sun. However, West Quoddy Head is the most easterly point in the United States.
Almanac: It is Friday, March 15, 2019. The moon was first quarter yesterday and is in Cancer. It is Buzzard's Day, Everything You Think Is Wrong Day, Brutus Day aka Ides of March, True Confessions Day, World Consumer Rights Day, and Freedom of Information Day. In Honduras they celebrate Thanksgiving Day and in
Iran it is Labor Day . The state of Maine commemorates Admission Day (1820) and Tennessee celebrates Andrew Jackson's Birthday (1767).
Among those born on this day were Hadrian (76), Andrew Jackson (1767), Harold L. Ickes (1874), Harry James (1916), Roy Clark (1933), Jimmy Lee Swaggart (1936), Judd Hirsch (1935), Phil Lesh (Chapman, 1940), Mike Love (Beach Boys, 1941), Ry Cooder (1947) and Fabio (Lanzoni, 1961).
On March fifteenth Cook "discovered" Nootka Sound on Vancouver Island (1778), Maine was admitted as the 23rd state (1820), the first Black newspaper was published (Freedom's Journal, 1827), the University of Toronto was chartered (1827), Louisiana became the first state of create a Health Board (1855), Bishop McCloskey was invested as the first US cardinal (1875), the escalator was patented (1892), Women in Finland won the right to vote (1907), Cy Young retired from baseball (511 wins, 1912), the first presidential press conference was held (Wilson , 1913), the first small claims court opened (Cleveland, 1913), the American Legion was formed in Paris (1919), Chicago established the first blood bank (1937), NC opened the first US contraceptive clinic (1937), Going My Way won best picture (1945), Billboard printed its first album list (1945), NYC hired an official "rainmaker" (1950), CBS Morning Show premiered (1954), the Key Largo Coral Reef Preserve became the world's first underwater park (1960), South Africa withdrew from the British Commonwealth (1961), LBJ declared War on Poverty (1964), Liz Taylor married Richard Burton for the first time (1964), LBJ introduced the idea of the Civil Rights Act (1964), and TGIFriday's opened its first restaurant (NYC, 1965).
Night Sky, 3/15: Look for Arcturus very low in the east-northeast after nightfall, and higher in the east later in the evening. It's magnitude 0, one of the very brightest stars in the sky. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max Picture of the Week: Max, Blueser (blooser?) in training.

This Week: Saturday, March 16 – Black Press Day & Goddard Day & Curlew Day
Sunday, March 17 – Worldwide Quilting Day & Panda Day & St. Patrick's Day
Night Sky, 3/17: The Big Dipper glitters softly high in the northeast these evenings, standing on its handle. You probably know that the two stars forming the front of the Dipper's bowl (currently on top) are the Pointers; they point to Polaris, currently to their left. And, if you follow the curve of the Dipper's handle out and around by a little more than a Dipper length, you'll arc to Arcturus, rising in the east. But did you know that if you follow the Pointers backward the opposite way, you'll land in Leo?
Monday, March 18 – National Biodiesel Day & Transit Driver Appreciation Day
Tuesday, March 19 – National Poultry Day & National Certified Nurses Day
Night Sky, 3/19: The yellow-eyed flying bat asterism, visible in binoculars, resides in Leo Minor near Lynx. Its wingspan extends nearly across a binocular field of view. Find it to the upper right of Leo's Sickle these evenings. "It only flies right-side up when Pollux and Procyon are crossing the meridian," as they are now. --Matt Wedel
Wednesday, March 20 – International Happiness Day & Free Cone Day (Dairy Queen)
Thursday, March 21 – World Poetry Day & Common Courtesy Day & Gallo Wine Day
Plowman Pete was so redneck he pimped his tractor. / Plower Pat was so tired of "farmer's tan", she ran her Caterpillar in the nude.
..........You better hush, hush, hush, hush.........Ry Cooder …..Somebody's Callin' My Name
^^ Approximately 40 millions pounds (nearly 90 percent) of the nation's lobster supply is caught off the coast of Maine.
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you. --Submitted by dw of ks
Moonbeam: I am against government by crony. -- Harold L. Ickes
Late Night Snacks: Paul Manafort, man with resting indicted face, wasn't so much a first-time offender as a first-time gettin'-caughter. --Stephen Colbert / R Kelly: He cried, he yelled - it was like he was trying to get a spot on the Supreme Court. AND Drumpf lashed out at Robert Mueller, the Democrats, he made things up, he made new things up – it was a very potent combination of dementia and Adderall. --Jimmy Kimmel / In other words, Fox News buried a woman’s story about Drumpf burying a woman’s story, then buried another story about that story being buried. It’s like watching Inception – I’m a little confused, extremely frustrated and men keep explaining why the story is totally cool if you just, like, really think about it. --Samatha Bee / Instead of dragging this out, Donald, I think it’s time to accept that maybe, just maybe, Kim is just not that into you. --Trevor Noah
Still Another Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Study: US Wastes 2 million hours annually figuring out where tape rolls start.
Not So Late Night Snacks: The first all female space walk...it's great because in space no one can hear you say "Why don't you smile more?" At the end of march, two female astronauts will do a space walk together 245 miles above earth because that's literally how far you have to go to avoid being harassed at work. --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me 3/9/19
World peace is what everyone needs, then we would see that nobody is better and that no country needs.

..........I'm built for comfort and I'm built for speed.........Ry Cooder …..Willie Brown Blues
^^^ Maine produces 99% of all the blueberries in the country.
Worthless Fact of the Week: While in his early twenties, Fabio served a required two years of service in the Italian Army. After he was discharged, he discovered the wonderful world of modeling, then decided to continue this career in the United States.
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Before we send a man to prison, shouldn't we at least be positive that he's not rich? --Paul Noth --Submitted by ma of va
Weird Word of the Week: Xenozoonosis – a communicable disease that originates in animals and spreads to humans. http://www.worldwidewords.org/turnsofphrase/tp-xen2.htm
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Remove baked-on food from a cookie pan. Spray WD-40 on cookie pan and wipe clean. Then wash with soap and water. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wd40.html
Wickeder Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: College Entry Scandal: The first clue that tipped off the FBI was an essay question on the college application. “Reflect on an accomplishment that sparked personal growth and/or list your parents’ credit card number. What prompted your choice? What is the 3-digit security code?” --Stephen Colbert
Callie Calf got all snotty and began to put on airs when she found out her grandfather was Sirloin. / Farmer Fran could not trust her Harveseter Combine, it kept bailing on her.
...........A great national calamity.........Ry Cooder …..Women Will Rule The World
^^^^ Togus was the first Veteran's Hospital in the United States. The facility was founded in 1866.
Amusing Search of the Week: Looking for websites of mom and pop pot dispensaries I searched colorado dispen and the third suggested search was colorado dispensaries near kansas. Hummmm
Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A woman wanting a husband obviously hasn't had one before. --Submitted by kr of ny
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: ALL-CON (3/14-17, Addison, TX). Featuring a Battlestar Galactica Cast Reunion https://www.all-con.org/
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A workers coop is usually a mesh fenced area where you can scatter some corn out for workers to eat. A chicken co-op is a structure that allows the chickens to democratically govern their own egg production and profits thereof. --Submitted by ae of kc
Actual Science Convention of the Week: EuroSciCon Conference on Physics (3/14-15) - The motivation of the gathering is ebb and flow points with intriguing Sessions, Symposia, Workshops, and Plenary talks, Keynote Presentations, Young Researchers Forum and Poster Sessions. https://statnano.com/event/1761 ~~They didn't mention anything physics...posters?
Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck watching the Big XII Tournament in the case of the Jiggy Jayhawk.

Rancher Rayne bought a computer and became obsessed with cyber space and hardware and everything related. He talked his neighbors into getting computers. They could check moment by moment weather updates and market trends. They relied on Rayne to keep them all running. One day it all stopped working - everyone's computer was down. His nearest neighbor rushed to Rayne's house and found him slumped on his keyboard with his head stuck through a broken monitor. Fortunately, the Tech Support number was clearly posted. The neighbor called and waited and waited and finally got hold of a person and said, "I'd like to report a farmer in the Dell".
..........But she'll walk a Thunderbird like she's standin' still.........Beach Boys …..Little Deuce Coupe
^^^^^ Senator Margaret Chase Smith stood up in the senate and gave the famous Declaration of Conscious speech, speaking out against the McCarthy era. Senator Smith was the first female presidential candidate.
Month of the Week: March is National Umbrella Month --A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain. --Robert Frost
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: While most puns make me feel numb, mathematics puns always make me feel number.
Grammar Joke of the Week: Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."
Today's Peace of History, March 15, 1963: Students from South Carolina State and Claflin College organized to integrate the lunch counter at Kresge 5& 10 in Orangeburg, South Carolina. Though their efforts were disciplined and peaceful, 400 were attacked by police then herded behind fences in the largest mass arrest of the civil rights movement.
A farmer is sent to jail and his wife is left responsible for the farm until he returns. She, though is not the best farmer and writes him a letter in jail. “To my sweet husband, I want to plant the potatoes, but when is the best time to do it?”, it read. He responds, “Don’t go near that field babe, that is where I buried all of my guns”. Gaurds intercept the letter before it makes it to the farmer’s wife and they then dig up the entire field in search of the illegal weapons. After two days digging, they give up having found nothing. The farmer then writes to his wife again, “Now honey, you can plant the potatoes”.
..........Bom Bom Dit Di Dit Dip.........Beach Boys …..Surfin'
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, March 15, 2019. Edaphic, ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Growth, laughter, and peace. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam: If I do not return to the pulpit this weekend, millions of people will go to hell. --Jimmy Swaggart
Cost of War:
As of 3/14/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,906,424,900,412.
As of 3/4/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,903,584,406,812.
As of 3/14/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $884,550,975,218.
As of 3/4/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $882,620,357,984.
As of 3/14/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $661,664,162,701.
As of 3/4/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $659,236,898,688.
As of 3/14/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $306,014,610,311.
As of 3/4/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $305,462,911,179.
As of 3/14/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,758,655,679,708.
As of 3/4/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,750,905,288,097.
In a world full of iron, peace is gold. Peace is the warmth in a land full of cold. http://corlett.blogspot.com/2004/09/childrens-peace-quotes.html
..........And a bottle of Kansas City wine.........Roy Clark …..Going To Kansas City
A tough old farmer from Texas one day told his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning. The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died. She left behind 7 children, 26 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
Famous Last Words: in said printed copies. Constitution of the State of Maine
May Peace water your garden
And Joy spread sunshine on it
prairie mama
christine


Last Laugh:


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