Friday, January 11, 2019

oPun ePistle


Famous First Words: An ACT to divide the Indiana Territory... Act Creating the Territory of Michigan
The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi. / The time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement is 1 bananosecond
..........free as the winds that blow.........The Judds …..River Roll On
Set your heart on doing good. Do it over and over again and you will be filled with joy. --Buddha
It is a dank Friday morning. The sky is 50 shades of gray and as threatening as a book of bad prose. The 39°F temperature keeps the dampness from freezing and the lack of wind (even the willow is still) keeps the cold outside the clothing. Puck carries on a long, loud conversation with another small dog behind a privacy fence. The crows overhead join in for a raucous non-human symphony accented with the mechanical nuances of garage doors opening and motors starting up. Puck hurries on the sidewalk but lingers in the meadow of the park and we walk back home in the middle of the street. The house is warm and I unwind my scarf, toss my hat on the table, and peel off my coat before I can get to the kitchen and my morning cup of decaf. Now I sit at my computer inhaling the steam and aroma of fresh coffee, anticipating the perfect warm..
Hope your weekend is filled with pun, ePistliers.
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 rod serling / Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = knotfurlong
..........Tonight ain't nothin' gonna slow me down.........The Judds …..Girls' Night Out
Trivia Questions: So glad Pineapples came to Hawaii !
^ Where did the pineapples grow before being planted in Hawaii?
^^ Know the scientific name for pineapples?
^^^ What do they mean, pineapples can “eat you back”?
^^^^ At its height in the 1960s, what percentage of the worlds commercial canned pineapple was grown in Hawaii?
^^^^^ Any idea what “Toast Hawaii” is?
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Pink Freud – The Dark Side of your Mom --Submitted by ma of va
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: Life + 70 years is both the length of US copyright and how long the average librarian must work to retire wealthy. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope / Basic unit of laryngitis is the hoarsepower
..........How differently I feel.........The Judds …..Change of Heart
Moonbeam: There will never be a new world order until women are a part of it. --Alice Paul
Something to Think About of the Week:

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Do you think it's getting solipsistic in here or is it just me. --Submitted by ma of va
Week of the Week: National Soccer Coaches of America Week (1/9-13) –Why was Cinderella such a poor soccer player? Her coach was a pumpkin.
Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram / 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer = 1 Lite year
..........A star gazer that's what I am..........The Judds …..Dream Chaser
^ Pineapples originated in Brazil and came to Hawaii because they prevent scurvy.
Almanac: It is Friday, January 11, 2019. The moon will be first quarter on Monday and is in Pisces. It is Cigarettes Are Hazardous to your Health Day, Learn You Name in Morse Code Day , and National Human Trafficking Awareness Day. In Albania it is Republic Day (1946) and Chad celebrates Independence Day (1960).
Among those born on this day were Alexander Hamilton (1757), Ezra Cornell (1807), William James (1842), Alice Paul (1885), Slim Harpo (1924), Rod Taylor (1929), and Naomi Judd (1946).
On January eleventh Mt. Etna erupted (1693), the first US life insurance company incorporated (1759), the Continental Congress convened (1785), the Michigan Territory was organized (1805), the first pineapples were planted in Hawaii (1813), Alabama seceded (1861), Charing Cross Station opened in London (1864), the Bread and Roses strike began (1913), Romania annexed Transylvania (1919), Chad declared independence (1960), the Watergate burglary trail began (1973), and the Howard Stern radio show premiered (1993).
Night Sky, 1/11: As twilight fades this evening, how soon can you detect Mars glimmering above the Moon? They're about 18° apart (in early evening for North America). Mars is magnitude +0.6. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max Picture of the Week: Literary Max ...He obviously takes reading seriously or he doesn't find the animals funny.
This Week: Saturday, January 12 – National Hot Tea Day & National Vision Board Day
Sunday, January 13 – Korean American Day & Make Your Dream Come True Day
Night Sky, 1/13: For the next few mornings, Venus forms a roughly equilateral triangle with Jupiter to its lower left and fainter Antares more directly below it.
Monday, January 14 – Dress Up You Pet Day & International Kite Day
Tuesday, January 15 – Humanitarian Day & National Bagel Day
Night Sky, 1/15: Start planning for the total eclipse of the Moon that will befall the Americas late on the night of Sunday January 20th. https://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/lunar/2019-january-21
Wednesday, January 16 – Civil Service Day & Nothing Day ~~there's nothing as something as one --e e cummings
Thursday, January 17 – Cable Car Day & Kid Inventors' Day & Popeye Day
Half a large intestine is 1 semicolon / 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
..........Singin' sad autumn melodies.........The Judds …..Drops Of Water
^^ The scientific name for the pineapple is “Ananas comosus“. In Hawaiian, a pineapple is called “hala kahiki” because of their resemblance to the local fruit “Hala”. The Hawaiians thought the pineapple resembled the “Hala” fruit. “Kahiki” means foreign, hence pineapples became foreign Hala's in Hawaii.
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Rich Americans upset that money they earn over $10 million might be taxed higher should just get a second job and do a better job of saving. --Submitted by rhb of ks
ePistle Correction of the Week: (1/4/19, Ephemeral ePistle) Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty year of age or older. If you would like I could send you some acorns from my Oak tree that was planted in 1977 and which has been producing acorns at least since 1994. Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-kay. --jb of ks
Distant Cousin of ePistle Correction of the Week: (1/4/19, ePhermeral ePistle) No piece of paper can be folded more than seven times. I bet every one of your readers tried to see if it was really true about not being able to fold a piece of paper more than 7 times! I tried tissue paper (like what is used with gifts) and was able to do it 8 times, but writing paper - only 6. --rk of tx
Moonbeam: I always feel the movement is a sort of mosaic. --Alice Paul
Top Ten Late Night Snacks: Top Ten DAN QUAYLE PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN SLOGANS
10. "Isn't it time we had a decent golfer in the White House?"
9. "I'm not half as terrifying as that Newt guy"
8. "Don't worry -- the surgeons didn't touch my brain!"
7. "Vote for change -- vote for a Republican draft dodger!"
6. "Quayle is as Quayle does"
5. "Quayle: The Other White Meat"
4. "I promise I'll let Marilyn run the country"
3. "Starts with Q -- just like courage!"
2. "Not dumb and dumber. Dumbest"
1. "Huh?"
ePistlier Business of the Week: epistliers in Morse Code (. ._ _. .. ... ._.. .. . ._. ...)
Classic Not So Late Night Snacks: As one of it's last acts the white house released a document called 100 things Americans may not know about the Bush Administration...#93 President Bush knows all the lyrics to American Pie, #98 Vice President Cheney uses only curelty free cosmetics, #100 Jeb short for Jebra. ----Peter Sagal Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me January 10, 2009
If we are to have peace on earth...our loyalties must transcend our race, our tribe, our class, and our nations; and this means we must develop a world perspective. --Martin Luther King, Jr.
2,000 pounds of Chinese soup = won ton / The shortest distance between two jokes is one straight line
..........I guess it's just my turn.........The Judds …..Bye-bye, Baby
^^^ Pineapples contain an enzyme called “bromelain”. This enzyme breaks down proteins in your mouth. So when you eat a pineapple, it is eating you back. Once the bromelain enters your stomach the enzymes are broken down, so you don’t need to worry about being eaten inside-out.
Worthless Facts of the Week: The Lawrence textile strike aka Bread & Roses Strike was a strike of immigrant workers in Lawrence, Massachusetts, led by the Industrial Workers of the World (IWW). Prompted by a two-hour pay cut corresponding to a new law shortening the workweek for women, the strike spread rapidly through the town, growing to more than twenty thousand workers and involving nearly every mill in Lawrence.
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I tried the Japanese method of decluttering where you hold every object that you own and if it does not bring you joy, you throw it away. So far I have thrown out all of the vegetables, my bra, the electric bill, the scale, a mirror, and my treadmill. --Submitted by dr of oh
Weird Word of the Week: Paraprosdokian – witticism with a surprise ending ...There, but for the grace of God, goes God. --Mankiewicz on Orson Welles http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-par5.htm
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Prevent dead insects from sticking to your car. Spray WD-40 on the hood and grill so you can wipe bugs off easily without damaging the finish. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wd40.html
2,000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds / 1 kilogram of falling calimyrnas = 1 fig newton
...........Comma ti yi yi year.........The Judds ….Cow Cow Boogie
^^^^ By the early 1960s, Hawai’ì supplied over 80% of the world´s output of canned pineapple. This golden period did not last long though. Growing pineapples became cheaper in other countries and just 20 years later, in 1983, the last big Hawaiian cannery folded. Today, 75% of the world’s pineapples come from Indonesia, Thailand, and the Philippines.
Top Ten Date of the Week: January 11, 1995
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Like her or not, Rashida Tlaib shouldn't have referred to the president using the Secret Service code name for Mike Pence. --Submitted by sb of ar
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: AniMore Three full days of cosplay, music, tabletop games, anime, Japanese culture, and more. (1/11-13, Baltimore, MD) http://animorecon.com/
Actual Science Convention of the Week: 2019 Texas STEM Conference – Engineer Your World (1/9-11, Austin, TX) https://engineeryourworld.org/2018/11/13/2019-texas-stem-conference/
Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck scratching his head in the case of the Questioning Queensland.
1,000 c.c.’s of wet socks = one literhosen / 8 nickels = 2 paradigms ~~Originally posted by Linda Patterson to us via fb of ks
..........left his old boots and the blues.........The Judds …..Mr. Pain
^^^^^ The precursor of the Hawaiian Pizza is said to be the “Toast Hawaii”, which is an open-faced sandwich made with a slice of toast covered by a slice of ham and cheese below a slice of pineapple with a cherry in the middle which is then grilled. This sandwich is attributed to the German TV-cook Clemens Wildenrod who published it in 1955.
Month of the Week: January is National Braille Literacy Month --DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille. / Braille Is Not That Hard To Learn, You Just Got To Have A Feel For It FYI: here is where you can work out epistliers in Braile: http://braillebug.afb.org/braille_print.asp
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My neighbor put up a United Federation of Planets flag on his house. The neighbors across the street just raised a Klingon flag. It's not looking good...
Grammar Joke of the Week: The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Best Thing I Heard of the Week: I attended a meeting with the people putting together this year's Women's March Lawrence. The question was did the march need monitors of some sort. One of the members said, “This is Lawrence; we know how to protest.” The first demonstration I ever attended was in the 900 block of Massachusetts outside the Selective Service Office. That was 55 years ago. We know how to protest. ~~And see how much better the world is for it? ~~~~There are only 3 rules for the march 1) Stay on the sidewalk 2) Obey traffic lights 3) Don't block doorways https://www.facebook.com/events/298428147686552/
Today's Peace of History: January 11, 1952-- The Peace Pledge Union organized "Operation Gandhi," which became the first British protest against nuclear weapons. Ten members staged a "sit-down" at the War Office in London.
My boyfriend is the square root of -100. He's a perfect 10, but purely imaginary. / 288 is too gross
..........so much perfume I thought I'd drown.........The Judds …..John Deere Tractor
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle January 11, 2019,oPun ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Peace, Giggles, and PUNishment. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam: When you put your hand to the plow, you can't put it down until you get to the end of the row.
Cost of War:
As of 1/10/18 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,888,643,043,077.
As of 1/3/18 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,884,740,631,702.
As of 1/10/18 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $872,466,300,039.
As of 1/3/18 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $871,177,424,849.
As of 1/10/18 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $646,472,035,295.
As of 1/3/18 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $644,851,790,956.
As of 1/10/18 Veterans Care since 2001: $302,561,843,115.
As of 1/3/18 Veterans Care since 2001: $302,193,517,539.
As of 1/10/18 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,710,144,316,532.
As of 1/3/18 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,704,970,286,960.
When you own your own breath, nobody can steal your peace.
..........So, Mama, don't you worry about me.........The Judds …..Blue Nun Cafe
That adorable angle there is acute. / A half-twisted, one-sided nudie bar is a Mobius strip club.
Famous Last Words: ...of the several States named in said resolutions. --Declaration of Secession State of Alabama (1861)
May your Peace be whirled wide
And your Joy be to the swirled
prairie mama
christine


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