Friday, January 25, 2019

By Any Other ePistle


Famous First Words: Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. --Sojourner Truth This is the opening of her famous Ain't I A Woman speech which was delivered at the First Black Women's Rights Convention which opened on January 25, 1851. Here's a copy of it: https://sourcebooks.fordham.edu/mod/sojtruth-woman.asp
Daughter of Famous First Words: Ready? --RUR by Karel Capek
Welcome to No Name Calling Week (1/21-25) – Here's some names they shouldn't have called...The Codfather Seafood Restaurant / Tony's Tiger's T-Ball Team / Truly Scrumptious (Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang) / Smooth Hoperator Dopplebock
..........and life is like a song.........Etta James …..At Last
Peace is a shirt that is waiting to be worn. / Peace is the key to unlock every door.
It is a frigid (10°F) Friday with a light wind (6 mph). The sky is murky blue with tinges of pink around the horizon. Puck goes out to do his business and returns immediately. I do not walk. Instead I am sitting at my desk looking out the back window at the bare willow branches waving gracefully and the rising light level morphing the pink edges to white streak of fluff. The air is filled with the hum of furnace fan and the gurgle of the coffee pot straining to brew every drop it can. Puck drinks his morning milk and sits a while on my lap to let me know he would prefer to walk. We watch the sun rise onto the roof of the house behind us still covered in snow and moving shadows from the tree. The gurgle stops and the aroma of fresh decaf mixes with the smell of last night's incense; it calls me to put Puck down and fix myself a steaming cup of sweetened, creamed coffee. Ah, yes. So here I am ready to write to you.
Hope your weekend is named Funarama, ePistliers
Wok & Roll Japanese takeout / Ball of Duty Men's Slow Pitch Team / Brigadier General Jack D Ripper (Dr. Strangelove) / Purple Monkey Dishwasher Chocolate Peanut Butter Porter
..........It could be a spoonful of sugar.........Etta James …..Spoonful
Trivia Questions: Happy Anniversary to Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn
^ What number wife was Anne, anyway?
^^ More or less, how long did Henry court Anne before the marriage?
^^^ Ballpark figure, how many people got excommunicated over this marriage?
^^^^ Care to guess how many miscarriages Anne had after Elizabeth I and before Henry dumped her?
^^^^^ Any idea which Kingston Trio song is about Anne?
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I sat quietly with my own thoughts today. Remind me never to do that again.
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: When shelving, there is a 100% chance that a patron will be right where the last book goes. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
AshWipe Chimney Sweeps / Fire Breathing Bluebirds Little League / Scooter Libby (Real life) / Hoptimus Prime Double India Pale Ale
..........Don't play with my heart, it makes me furious.........Etta James …..Tell It Like It Is
Moonbeam: A woman must have money and a room of her own if she wants to write fiction. --Virginia Woolf
Something to Think About of the Week:

 Big Hello: Bone die – Sardinian (Logudorese) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Scientific Fact – a dog extracts more information from smelling a pile of shit than a human does watching CNN. --Submitted by pm of hi
Week of the Week: Sugar Awareness Week (1/20-26) --A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said. "Are you light-headed? " my colleague asked. "No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."
Wok This Way Japanese Grill / Tequila Mockingbirds bowling team / Ralph Malph (Happy Days) / Baby Go Bock
..........come on, come on, surrender, surrender, surrender, surrender.........Etta James …..I Want To Be Loved By You
^ Anne was Queen of England from 1533-1536 as the second wife of King Henry VIII.
Almanac: It is Friday, January 25, 2019. The moon will be last quarter on Sunday and is in Libra. It is Opposite Day!, A Room of One's Own Day, Fun at Work Day, National Pre-School Fitness Day, and in Uganda it is Second Republic Day.
Among those born on this day were Robert Boyle (1627), Benedict Arnold (1741), Robert Burns (1759), Somerset Maugham (1874), Virginia Woolf (1882), Ace Goodman (1899), Dean Jones (1931), and Etta James (1938).
On January twenty-fifth Henry VIII married Anne Boleyn (1533), the Treaty of Utrecht was signed (1579), Sojourner Truth addressed the first Black Women's Rights Convention (1851), Nellie Bly finished a round the World trip in 72 days (1890), the United Mine Workers of American formed (1890), Riders to the Sea premiered (Dublin, 1904), transcontinental telephone service was inaugurated (1915), RUR premiered (Prague, 1921), US and Panama signed the Canal Treaty (1955), Michael Jordan scored his 10,000th NBA point (1989) and the US space probe Clementine was launched (1994).
Night Sky, 1/25: Right after dark, face east and look very high. The bright star there is Capella, the Goat Star. To the right of it, by a couple of finger-widths at arm's length, is a small, narrow triangle of 3rd and 4th magnitude stars known as "the Kids." Though they're not exactly eye-grabbing, they form a never-forgotten asterism with Capella. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max Picture of the Week: Bring on the snow...

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It feels like January the 47th.
This Week: Saturday, January 26 – Fruit Cake Toss Day & Dental Drill Appreciation Day
Night Sky, 1/26: Orion is high in the southeast right after dark, and it stands highest due south around 10 pm. Orion is the brightest of the 88 constellations, but his main pattern is surprisingly small compared to some of his dimmer neighbors.
Sunday, January 27 – National Geographic Day & Vietnam Peace Day & Holocaust Memorial Day
Monday, January 28 – National Kazoo Day & Rubber Duckie Day
Night Sky, 1/28: With the waning gibbous Moon now gone from the early evening sky, is your sky dark enough for you to see the winter Milky Way? After dinnertime it runs vertically and across the zenith: from bright Canis Major low in the southeast, up between Orion and Gemini, through Auriga and Perseus almost straight overhead, and down through Cassiopeia, Cepheus, and Cygnus (including the Northern Cross) to the northwest horizon.
FYI of the Week: Here is a website that shows the night sky live. https://in-the-sky.org/skymap.php It figured out that I was in Lawrence and shows me my sky and without clouds. There are also settings on it which I have not yet tried. One of them is whether you want stick figures in the constellations.
Tuesday, January 29 – Freethinkers Day & Curmudgeons Day & Seeing Eye Dog Day
Wednesday, January 30 – Croissant Day
Thursday, January 31 – Appreciate Your Social Security Check Day & Street Children Day
Cari Lang Hairapist / Cranium Crushers Cruise trivia team / Zaphod Beeblebrox (Hitchhiker's Guide) / Pearl Necklace Oyster Stout
..........There's no sun up in the sky.........Etta James …..Stormy Weather
^^ Henry began his pursuit of Anne in 1526. She refused to become his mistress. In 1533 he granted her the Marquessate of Pembroke and the married later that year. That's 7 years.
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A dog will sit beside you when you work. A cat will sit on the work. Cats know your labor power will just be appropriated by the capitalist class. --Submitted by sb of ar
Moonbeam: For most of history, Anonymous was a woman. --Virginia Woolf
Late Night Snacks: Donald Trump became the first US president ever to congratulate himself on making a fast food order. --Jimmy Kimmel / Well of course Trump believes that public opinion wants the wall, he watches more Fox News than all the residents of a Texas Senior Center combined. --Seth Meyers / One place where there's definitely no collusion is between Rudy Giuliani's brain and his mouth. -- Trevor Noah / Our president might not be spying for Russia. He might be their unwitting stooge. We'll find out on the new gameshow: Evil or Stupid? --Stephen Colbert
Not So Late Night Snacks: Just when we thought things couldn't get any nastier in Washington, the beef between the president and the speaker of the House went from a constitutional confrontation to Real Housewives of Pennsylvania Avenue. First, Speaker Pelosi let the president know that with the government shut down, maybe he shouldn't deliver the State of the Union address as scheduled. It was the political equivalent of, thanks for asking me out, but I'll be washing my hair every night until the sun explodes. --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me (1/19)
Peace is harmony and love to share through this tragedy that is hard to bear.
Chain Reaction Bike Shop / Spinal Tappers softball team / Pussy Galore (Goldfinger) / Geriatric Hipster Club Ale aged in bourbon barrels
..........Talk to me, I'll do what you choose.........Etta James …..Tell Mama
^^^ Pope Clement VII excommunicated Henry and Archbishop of Canterbury Thomas Cranmer, so, only 2
Worthless Fact of the Week: On Jan. 25, 1989, Michael Jordan passed 10,000 career points in a game in Philadelphia, again being the second-quickest behind Wilt Chamberlain to score as many points.
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Well, I survived another meeting that should have been an email.
Weird Word of the Week: Rhapsodomancy – form of divination in which guidance was sought through the chance selection of a passage in literature, often by opening a book and selecting the first line seen. http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-rha1.htm
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean clogged spray paint can nozzles. Remove the nozzles from the spray paint can and the WD-40 can, place the nozzle from the paint can on the WD-40 can, give it a couple of quick squirts, and replace both nozzles. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wd40.html
Curl Up & Dye Salon / The Matching T-Shirts YMCA basketball team / Major Major Major Major (Catch 22) / Space Station Middle Finger American Pale Ale
...........And still my heart has wings.........Etta James …..These Foolish Things
^^^^ Anne gave birth to the future Queen Elizabeth I. Henry was disappointed to have a daughter rather than a son but hoped a son would follow and professed to love Elizabeth. Anne subsequently had three miscarriages, and by March 1536, Henry was courting Jane Seymour.
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The news is basically just someone saying good evening, and then giving you a list of reason it's not.
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Chattacon 44 – (1/25-27, Chattanooga, TN) I Want You To Rebel https://www.chattacon.org/
Actual Science Convention of the Week: 2019 Conference on Electronic Materials and Applications (1/23-25, Orlando, FL) http://ceramics.org/ema2019
Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck in the case of the Little Ball of Fluff.

A Salt & Battery Fish & Chips / Software Comedians bowling team / Lucky Day, Dusty Bottoms, Ned Nederlander (3 Amigos) / Leafer Madness Imperial Pale Ale
..........Your whole perspective gets hazy.........Etta James …..Imagination
^^^^^ With Her Head Tucked Underneath Her Arm –written by Weston, Lee, and Weston --performed by the Kingston Trio YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JKNl8gmESs They think that it's Red Grange instead of poor old Ann Boleyn with her head tucked underneath her arm.
Month of the Week: January is National Skating Month –Beware, they've laid the ice slippery side up. / What is white, furry, and has wheels? A roller bear.
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: “One of the delights beyond the grasp of youth is that of Not Going. --J. B. Priestley
Grammar Joke of the Week: People who can't distinguish between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.
Today's Peace of History: January 25, 1851: Sojourner Truth addressed the first Black Women's Rights Convention held in Akron, OH.
Indiana Bones Pet Wash / Deep Bench Women's Slow Pitch team / Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr (The Man With Two Brains) / Hoppyright Infringement IIPA
..........You better roll it while the rollin' is on.........Etta James …..The Wallflower
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle January 25, 2019, By Any Other ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Peace, Joy, and Funny Names. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam: To enjoy freedom we have to control ourselves. --Virginia Woolf
Cost of War: I think I finally got the dates right.
As of 1/24/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,892,611,682,458.
As of 1/18/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,890,607,520,414.
As of 1/24/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $875,163,179,158.
As of 1/18/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $873,801,326,962.
As of 1/24/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $649,862,208,805.
As of 1/18/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $648,150,323,553.
As of 1/24/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $303,332,306,077.
As of 1/18/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $302,943,277,129.
As of 1/24/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,720,970,109,344.
As of 1/18/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,715,503,403,617.
Peace is a truly beautiful thing, just like a blooming flower in spring. http://corlett.blogspot.com/2004/09/childrens-peace-quotes.html
..........Don't give up your soul to nobody else.........Etta James …..Trust Yourself
Pane In The Glass / The Grass Stains soccer team / Milo Minderbinder (Catch 22) / 668 The Neighbor of the Beast Belgian Style Golden Ale
Famous Last Words: ...and we must be satisfied --Riders to the Sea by John M Synge
May Peace shine warm on your mind
And Joy fall soft on your soul
prairie mama
christine


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Friday, January 18, 2019

Completely Different ePistle


Famous First Words: Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. America ... and all the ships at sea. --Walter Winchell
Farewell, well loved, Monty Python: “This morning, shortly after 11 am, comedy struck this little house on Dibley Road. Sudden, violent comedy.” --Flying Circus
..........I was not a born fool it took work to get this way.........Danny Kay …..The Maladjusted Jester (The Court Jester)
Peace is a puzzle waiting to be solved. / Peace is a story waiting to be told.
It is a gloomy Friday morning. The sky is solid gray with little texture or color. 35°F with 14 mph winds make it chilly as well as dark. We walk quickly down the damp sidewalks. There is no birdsong only slamming doors and rumbly car motors. The world reeks of damp, of wet leaves, mud, and grass under water. Two children and their adult pass us on their way to school while Puck dogsplained to them about absolutely everything. The park at the end of the cu-de-sac is yellow and brown. Puck uses its facilities and we turn back towards home. We're walking in the street now because, apparently, we have smelled everything there is to smell on the sidewalk. We return to a saucer of milk and steaming decaf creamed with half and half and sweeten with chemicals. Ahh the good life. Enjoy!
Hope your weekend lobs the proverbial holy hand grenade, ePistliers
“We are three wise men.” “Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at two o’clock in the morning? That doesn’t sound very wise to me.”
..........And the oboe, it is clearly understood is an ill wind that no one blows good.........Danny Kaye …..Anatole of Paris (Secret Life of Walter Mitty)
Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday, Alan Alexander Milne
^ Know what Milne did before Pooh?
^^ Who or what was the original Pooh?
^^^ What do you know about the 100 Acre Wood?
^^^^ What was the very first Pooh item published? (1924)
^^^^^ Remember who illustrated the Pooh books?
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Kavanaugh offers to pay for wall by recycling his empties. --Borowitz
First Friendly Piece of Advice of the Week: You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks. --Submitted by ajm of ok
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: In 2018 42% of library staff meeting agenda items were about accepting change, which is unchanged since 1999. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
“The BBC wishes to deny rumours that it is going into liquidation. Mrs Kelly, who owns the flat where they live, has said that they can stay on till the end of the month.” --Flying Circus
..........Things you would not do at home.........Danny Kaye …..The Best Things Happen When You're Dancing (White Christmas)
Moonbeam: The profound divergences of opinion on war and peace had been shown to know no sex. --Sylvia Pankhurst
Something to Think About of the Week:

Big Hello: Saludi – Sardinain (Campidanese) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I don't call them New Year's Resolutions. I prefer the term: casual promises to myself that I am under no legal obligation to fulfill.
Week of the Week: National Mocktail Week (1/13-19) Recipe for Shirley Ginger. 4 cups Ginger Beer + 1 cup club soda + 3 tbsp lime juice + ¼ cup grenadine Stir it all together. Pour it over ice into tall glasses . Garnish with lime rounds and/or maraschino cherries.
Son of Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: How could a boy get into the Caupulets' garden? There was a wall. --William Shakespeare --Submitted by sd of ks
DENNIS: We're an anarchosyndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week. But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting. By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,--ARTHUR: Be quiet! --Holy Grail
..........Gypsy drink, gypsy drink, gypsy drink..........Danny Kaye Gypsy Drinking Song (Inspector General)
^ After attending the University of Cambridge's Trinity College and writing for the literary magazines Granta and Punch, Milne began a successful career as a novelist, poet and playwright in the 1920s.
Almanac: It is Friday, January 18, 2019. The moon will be full (Wolf) on Monday and is in Gemini. It is Women in Blue Jeans Day, Thesaurus Day, Pooh Day, and International Fetish Day. In Tunisia it is Revolution Day (1956) and in Florida its Arbor Day.
Among those born on this day were Peter Roget (1779), Joseph F. Glidden (1813), A.A. Milne and Sylvia Pankhurst (1882), Oliver Hardy (1892), Cary Grant (1904), Danny Kaye (1913), Bobby Goldsboro (1941), and John Hughes (1950).
On January eighteenth Henry VII married Elizabeth (1486), Pizarro founded Lima, Peru (1535), the new world's first UFO was sighted (Boston, 1644), Priate Henry Morgan captured Panama (1671), San Jose, CA, was founded (1777), Capt Cook stumbled across the Hawaiian Islands (1778), the x-ray machine was first demonstration in the US (1896), the WWI Peace Congress opened (1919), Walter Winchell premiered on radio (1929), the sale of presliced bread was banned in the US (1943), Ted Mack's Original Amateur Hour debuted (1948), Monty Python's Flying Circus aired its final episode (1973), gold reached $1,000 an ounce (1980), DC Mayor Marion Barry was arrested in a drug sting (1990), and Liza Marie Presley divorced Michael Jackson (1996).
Night Sky, 1/18: Zero-magnitude Capella on high, and equally bright Rigel in Orion's foot, are at almost the same right ascension. This means they cross your sky’s meridian at almost exactly the same time: around 9 or 10 pm depending on how far east or west you live in your time zone. Tonight the bright moon shines between them. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max Picture of the Week: I lied. Max thought the animals were so funny, he had a shirt made with their pictures.
This Week: Saturday, January 19 – Tin Can Day & World Day of Migrants and Refugees
Night Sky, 1/19: Castor and Pollux are to the left of the Moon, Betelgeuse is to the right, and Procyon is below it.
Sunday, January 20 – National Cheese Lovers Day & Penguin Awareness Day
Monday, January 21 – Martin Luther King Jr Day & National Crowd Feed Day & National Hugging Day
Night Sky, 1/21: Mercury and Saturn are lost in the sunrise. Venus and Jupiter rise before the first light of dawn. Mars shines high in the southwest at nightfall. Right after dark Uranus is high in the south and Neptune is low in the southwest.
Tuesday, January 22 – Answer Your Cat's Questions Day
Wednesday, January 23 – National Handwriting Day & National Pie Day
Thursday, January 24 – Belly Laugh Day & National Compliment Day & Talk Like A Grizzled Prospector Day
“Alright, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh-water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?” --Life of Brian
..........isn't it great, isn't it grand, isn't it rich...........Danny Kaye …..The King's New Clothes Song (Hans Christian Andersen)
^^ Christopher Robin Milne's stuffed bear, originally named "Edward," was renamed "Winnie" after a Canadian black bear named Winnie (after Winnipeg), which was used as a military mascot in World War I, and left to London Zoo during the war. "The pooh" comes from a swan the young Milne named "Pooh."
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Why can't we just use thoughts and prayers to protect our border? That is what we use to protect our schools. --The Mystic Sisterhood
Moonbeam: I am going to fight capitalism even if it kills me. It is wrong that people like you should be comfortable and well fed while all around you people are starving. --Sylvia Pankhurst
Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: “Police say university bookstore worker stole $20,000 worth of textbooks.” I hope they recover both of the books. --Submitted by sb of ar
Late Night Snacks: “Mr President, steel slats are not the metal bars we want you behind,” --Stephen Colbert / He’s like a rich guy yelling from the Price is Right audience who doesn’t know how much things cost. --Seth Meyers / For some people, an emergency is black people barbecuing; for other people, waiting for those three dots in a text message is an emergency.” --Trevor Noah
Not So Late Night Snacks: Peter Sagal: Research out this week says cyclists have an emotional connection to their bikes, forming bonds akin to that of a spouse or a child. Luther Burbank: I had a Huffy Sweet Thunder that was a hand-me-down that I think I had caught feelings for. Paula Poundstone: Yeah, Huffy Sweet Thunder. Didn't Trump pay her off? --Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me 1/12/19
Peace is a locked door, never knowing what's inside./ Peace is a smile in a world of frowns.
“Good evening. Tonight on ‘Is There?’ we examine the question, ‘Is there a life after death?’ And here to discuss it are three dead people.” --Flying Circus
..........It came down the Amazon from the jungles.........Danny Kaye …..Chica, Chica Boom Chic (On The Riviera)
^^^ The fictional Hundred Acre Wood of the Pooh stories derives from Five Hundred Acre Wood in Ashdown Forest in East Sussex, South East England, where the Pooh stories were set. Milne lived on the northern edge of the forest at Cotchford Farm, and took his son walking there.
Worthless Fact of the Week: First UFO Sighting in the new world. From the journal of John Winthrop: “About midnight, three men, coming in a boat to Boston, saw two lights arise out of the water near the north point of the town cove, in form like a man, and went at a small distance to the town, and so to the south point, and there vanished away.” More Information
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I can laugh in 23 personalities. --Submitted by rmar of ks
Weird Word of the Week: Quockerwodger – a wooden toy figure which jerks its limbs when pulled by a string or a pseudo-politician, one whose strings of action are pulled by somebody else. http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-quo2.htm
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Make hangers glide over a clothes rod. Spray WD-40 on the clothes rod so hangers can be pushed back and forth easily. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wd40.html
And now the congregation shall rise and sing Hymn 101, 'Get Your Hand Off My Knee, Ya Dirty Old Bastard'. --Spamalot
...........I'm not superstitious about ya.........Danny Kaye …..Knock On Wood (Knock on Wood)
^^^^ Not yet known as Pooh, he made his first appearance in a poem, "Teddy Bear," published in Punch magazine in February 1924 and republished in When We Were Very Young.
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Triscuit crackers are the perfect snack for anyone who has had the desire to eat wicker furniture.
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Arisia (1/18-21, Boston) New England's Largest, Most Diverse Sci-Fi & Fantasy Convention. https://www.arisia.org/
Actual Science Convention of the Week: 541st International Conference on Engineering and Natural Science (1/18-19, LA) Scientists, scholars, engineers and students from the Universities all around the world and the industry to present ongoing research activities... https://www.allconferencealert.com/event_detail.php?ev_id=205056
Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck making his bed in the case of the case of the Napping Newfy.
I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspenders, and a bra. I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear Mama! The Lumberjack Song --Flying Circus
..........of the two adjacent sides.........Danny Kaye …..The Square of the Hypotenuse (Merry Andrew)
^^^^^ E H Shepard illustrated the original Pooh books, using his own son's teddy, Growler ("a magnificent bear"), as the model.
Month of the Week: January is Oatmeal Month –If you cross porridge and ducks you get Quacker Oats. / When I accidentally spilled oatmeal on my son he shouted “Don't be Gruel”.
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You are dust, and you will return to dust...That's why I don't clean house, it could be someone I know.
Last Friendly Advice of the Week: And the Moon said to me – my darling, you do not have to be whole in order to shine. --Nichole McElhaney --Submitted by ksz of ks
Full Circle of the Week: I just saw an ad for a workshop on Birth: An Intersection Between Maternity and Mental Health. It seems to be about mother's mental health. When I was a kid, Birth Trauma meant something very different. Babies are traumatized by the very act of birth. “Birth can have lasting psychological consequences for the baby. Full Circle. ~~I have long thought that the whole babies-are-traumatized was an ad campaign for the c-section doctors.
Grammar Joke of the Week: A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
Today's Peace of History: January 18, 2007: India sent 125 of its crack policewomen to Liberia to act as UN peacekeepers, the first time the world body has deployed an all-female unit.
What is the air-speed of an unladen swallow? / You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you. --Flying Circus
..........And smile, smile, smile.........Danny Kaye …..Pack Up Your Troubles (On the Double)
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle January 18, 2019, Completely Different ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Peace, Laughs, and Monty Python. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam: Love and freedom are vital to the creation and upbringing of a child. --Sylvia Pankhurst
Funniest Thing I Heard of the Week: Irony – the opposite of Wrinkly. --Submitted by ja of ks
Cost of War:
As of 1/10/18 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,890,607,520,414.
As of 1/10/18 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,888,643,043,077.
As of 1/10/18 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $873,801,326,962.
As of 1/10/18 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $872,466,300,039.
As of 1/10/18 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $648,150,323,553.
As of 1/10/18 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $646,472,035,295.
As of 1/10/18 Veterans Care since 2001: $302,943,277,129.
As of 1/10/18 Veterans Care since 2001: $302,561,843,115.
As of 1/10/18 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,715,503,403,617.
As of 1/10/18 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,710,144,316,532.
Peace is a person who gets involved. / Peace is a place where no war will be held. ~~Today's Quotes from Children's Quotes for 2000, International Year for the Culture of Peace
..........You'll feel blue, you'll feel sad.........Danny Kaye …..After You've Gone (The Five Pennies)
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space, 'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth! The Galaxy Song --Flying Circus
Famous Last Words: ...such service in such position, employment or classification. --Charter of the City of San Jose California.
May Peace (accord, love, reconciliation, amity, concord) attend your nights
And Joy (bliss, cheer, elation, gaiety, gladness, merriment, revelry) attend your days
prairie mama
christine


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Friday, January 11, 2019

oPun ePistle


Famous First Words: An ACT to divide the Indiana Territory... Act Creating the Territory of Michigan
The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi. / The time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement is 1 bananosecond
..........free as the winds that blow.........The Judds …..River Roll On
Set your heart on doing good. Do it over and over again and you will be filled with joy. --Buddha
It is a dank Friday morning. The sky is 50 shades of gray and as threatening as a book of bad prose. The 39°F temperature keeps the dampness from freezing and the lack of wind (even the willow is still) keeps the cold outside the clothing. Puck carries on a long, loud conversation with another small dog behind a privacy fence. The crows overhead join in for a raucous non-human symphony accented with the mechanical nuances of garage doors opening and motors starting up. Puck hurries on the sidewalk but lingers in the meadow of the park and we walk back home in the middle of the street. The house is warm and I unwind my scarf, toss my hat on the table, and peel off my coat before I can get to the kitchen and my morning cup of decaf. Now I sit at my computer inhaling the steam and aroma of fresh coffee, anticipating the perfect warm..
Hope your weekend is filled with pun, ePistliers.
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 rod serling / Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = knotfurlong
..........Tonight ain't nothin' gonna slow me down.........The Judds …..Girls' Night Out
Trivia Questions: So glad Pineapples came to Hawaii !
^ Where did the pineapples grow before being planted in Hawaii?
^^ Know the scientific name for pineapples?
^^^ What do they mean, pineapples can “eat you back”?
^^^^ At its height in the 1960s, what percentage of the worlds commercial canned pineapple was grown in Hawaii?
^^^^^ Any idea what “Toast Hawaii” is?
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Pink Freud – The Dark Side of your Mom --Submitted by ma of va
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: Life + 70 years is both the length of US copyright and how long the average librarian must work to retire wealthy. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope / Basic unit of laryngitis is the hoarsepower
..........How differently I feel.........The Judds …..Change of Heart
Moonbeam: There will never be a new world order until women are a part of it. --Alice Paul
Something to Think About of the Week:

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Do you think it's getting solipsistic in here or is it just me. --Submitted by ma of va
Week of the Week: National Soccer Coaches of America Week (1/9-13) –Why was Cinderella such a poor soccer player? Her coach was a pumpkin.
Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram / 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer = 1 Lite year
..........A star gazer that's what I am..........The Judds …..Dream Chaser
^ Pineapples originated in Brazil and came to Hawaii because they prevent scurvy.
Almanac: It is Friday, January 11, 2019. The moon will be first quarter on Monday and is in Pisces. It is Cigarettes Are Hazardous to your Health Day, Learn You Name in Morse Code Day , and National Human Trafficking Awareness Day. In Albania it is Republic Day (1946) and Chad celebrates Independence Day (1960).
Among those born on this day were Alexander Hamilton (1757), Ezra Cornell (1807), William James (1842), Alice Paul (1885), Slim Harpo (1924), Rod Taylor (1929), and Naomi Judd (1946).
On January eleventh Mt. Etna erupted (1693), the first US life insurance company incorporated (1759), the Continental Congress convened (1785), the Michigan Territory was organized (1805), the first pineapples were planted in Hawaii (1813), Alabama seceded (1861), Charing Cross Station opened in London (1864), the Bread and Roses strike began (1913), Romania annexed Transylvania (1919), Chad declared independence (1960), the Watergate burglary trail began (1973), and the Howard Stern radio show premiered (1993).
Night Sky, 1/11: As twilight fades this evening, how soon can you detect Mars glimmering above the Moon? They're about 18° apart (in early evening for North America). Mars is magnitude +0.6. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max Picture of the Week: Literary Max ...He obviously takes reading seriously or he doesn't find the animals funny.
This Week: Saturday, January 12 – National Hot Tea Day & National Vision Board Day
Sunday, January 13 – Korean American Day & Make Your Dream Come True Day
Night Sky, 1/13: For the next few mornings, Venus forms a roughly equilateral triangle with Jupiter to its lower left and fainter Antares more directly below it.
Monday, January 14 – Dress Up You Pet Day & International Kite Day
Tuesday, January 15 – Humanitarian Day & National Bagel Day
Night Sky, 1/15: Start planning for the total eclipse of the Moon that will befall the Americas late on the night of Sunday January 20th. https://www.timeanddate.com/eclipse/lunar/2019-january-21
Wednesday, January 16 – Civil Service Day & Nothing Day ~~there's nothing as something as one --e e cummings
Thursday, January 17 – Cable Car Day & Kid Inventors' Day & Popeye Day
Half a large intestine is 1 semicolon / 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
..........Singin' sad autumn melodies.........The Judds …..Drops Of Water
^^ The scientific name for the pineapple is “Ananas comosus“. In Hawaiian, a pineapple is called “hala kahiki” because of their resemblance to the local fruit “Hala”. The Hawaiians thought the pineapple resembled the “Hala” fruit. “Kahiki” means foreign, hence pineapples became foreign Hala's in Hawaii.
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Rich Americans upset that money they earn over $10 million might be taxed higher should just get a second job and do a better job of saving. --Submitted by rhb of ks
ePistle Correction of the Week: (1/4/19, Ephemeral ePistle) Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty year of age or older. If you would like I could send you some acorns from my Oak tree that was planted in 1977 and which has been producing acorns at least since 1994. Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-kay. --jb of ks
Distant Cousin of ePistle Correction of the Week: (1/4/19, ePhermeral ePistle) No piece of paper can be folded more than seven times. I bet every one of your readers tried to see if it was really true about not being able to fold a piece of paper more than 7 times! I tried tissue paper (like what is used with gifts) and was able to do it 8 times, but writing paper - only 6. --rk of tx
Moonbeam: I always feel the movement is a sort of mosaic. --Alice Paul
Top Ten Late Night Snacks: Top Ten DAN QUAYLE PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN SLOGANS
10. "Isn't it time we had a decent golfer in the White House?"
9. "I'm not half as terrifying as that Newt guy"
8. "Don't worry -- the surgeons didn't touch my brain!"
7. "Vote for change -- vote for a Republican draft dodger!"
6. "Quayle is as Quayle does"
5. "Quayle: The Other White Meat"
4. "I promise I'll let Marilyn run the country"
3. "Starts with Q -- just like courage!"
2. "Not dumb and dumber. Dumbest"
1. "Huh?"
ePistlier Business of the Week: epistliers in Morse Code (. ._ _. .. ... ._.. .. . ._. ...)
Classic Not So Late Night Snacks: As one of it's last acts the white house released a document called 100 things Americans may not know about the Bush Administration...#93 President Bush knows all the lyrics to American Pie, #98 Vice President Cheney uses only curelty free cosmetics, #100 Jeb short for Jebra. ----Peter Sagal Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me January 10, 2009
If we are to have peace on earth...our loyalties must transcend our race, our tribe, our class, and our nations; and this means we must develop a world perspective. --Martin Luther King, Jr.
2,000 pounds of Chinese soup = won ton / The shortest distance between two jokes is one straight line
..........I guess it's just my turn.........The Judds …..Bye-bye, Baby
^^^ Pineapples contain an enzyme called “bromelain”. This enzyme breaks down proteins in your mouth. So when you eat a pineapple, it is eating you back. Once the bromelain enters your stomach the enzymes are broken down, so you don’t need to worry about being eaten inside-out.
Worthless Facts of the Week: The Lawrence textile strike aka Bread & Roses Strike was a strike of immigrant workers in Lawrence, Massachusetts, led by the Industrial Workers of the World (IWW). Prompted by a two-hour pay cut corresponding to a new law shortening the workweek for women, the strike spread rapidly through the town, growing to more than twenty thousand workers and involving nearly every mill in Lawrence.
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I tried the Japanese method of decluttering where you hold every object that you own and if it does not bring you joy, you throw it away. So far I have thrown out all of the vegetables, my bra, the electric bill, the scale, a mirror, and my treadmill. --Submitted by dr of oh
Weird Word of the Week: Paraprosdokian – witticism with a surprise ending ...There, but for the grace of God, goes God. --Mankiewicz on Orson Welles http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-par5.htm
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Prevent dead insects from sticking to your car. Spray WD-40 on the hood and grill so you can wipe bugs off easily without damaging the finish. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wd40.html
2,000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds / 1 kilogram of falling calimyrnas = 1 fig newton
...........Comma ti yi yi year.........The Judds ….Cow Cow Boogie
^^^^ By the early 1960s, Hawai’ì supplied over 80% of the world´s output of canned pineapple. This golden period did not last long though. Growing pineapples became cheaper in other countries and just 20 years later, in 1983, the last big Hawaiian cannery folded. Today, 75% of the world’s pineapples come from Indonesia, Thailand, and the Philippines.
Top Ten Date of the Week: January 11, 1995
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Like her or not, Rashida Tlaib shouldn't have referred to the president using the Secret Service code name for Mike Pence. --Submitted by sb of ar
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: AniMore Three full days of cosplay, music, tabletop games, anime, Japanese culture, and more. (1/11-13, Baltimore, MD) http://animorecon.com/
Actual Science Convention of the Week: 2019 Texas STEM Conference – Engineer Your World (1/9-11, Austin, TX) https://engineeryourworld.org/2018/11/13/2019-texas-stem-conference/
Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck scratching his head in the case of the Questioning Queensland.
1,000 c.c.’s of wet socks = one literhosen / 8 nickels = 2 paradigms ~~Originally posted by Linda Patterson to us via fb of ks
..........left his old boots and the blues.........The Judds …..Mr. Pain
^^^^^ The precursor of the Hawaiian Pizza is said to be the “Toast Hawaii”, which is an open-faced sandwich made with a slice of toast covered by a slice of ham and cheese below a slice of pineapple with a cherry in the middle which is then grilled. This sandwich is attributed to the German TV-cook Clemens Wildenrod who published it in 1955.
Month of the Week: January is National Braille Literacy Month --DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille. / Braille Is Not That Hard To Learn, You Just Got To Have A Feel For It FYI: here is where you can work out epistliers in Braile: http://braillebug.afb.org/braille_print.asp
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My neighbor put up a United Federation of Planets flag on his house. The neighbors across the street just raised a Klingon flag. It's not looking good...
Grammar Joke of the Week: The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Best Thing I Heard of the Week: I attended a meeting with the people putting together this year's Women's March Lawrence. The question was did the march need monitors of some sort. One of the members said, “This is Lawrence; we know how to protest.” The first demonstration I ever attended was in the 900 block of Massachusetts outside the Selective Service Office. That was 55 years ago. We know how to protest. ~~And see how much better the world is for it? ~~~~There are only 3 rules for the march 1) Stay on the sidewalk 2) Obey traffic lights 3) Don't block doorways https://www.facebook.com/events/298428147686552/
Today's Peace of History: January 11, 1952-- The Peace Pledge Union organized "Operation Gandhi," which became the first British protest against nuclear weapons. Ten members staged a "sit-down" at the War Office in London.
My boyfriend is the square root of -100. He's a perfect 10, but purely imaginary. / 288 is too gross
..........so much perfume I thought I'd drown.........The Judds …..John Deere Tractor
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle January 11, 2019,oPun ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Peace, Giggles, and PUNishment. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam: When you put your hand to the plow, you can't put it down until you get to the end of the row.
Cost of War:
As of 1/10/18 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,888,643,043,077.
As of 1/3/18 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,884,740,631,702.
As of 1/10/18 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $872,466,300,039.
As of 1/3/18 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $871,177,424,849.
As of 1/10/18 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $646,472,035,295.
As of 1/3/18 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $644,851,790,956.
As of 1/10/18 Veterans Care since 2001: $302,561,843,115.
As of 1/3/18 Veterans Care since 2001: $302,193,517,539.
As of 1/10/18 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,710,144,316,532.
As of 1/3/18 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,704,970,286,960.
When you own your own breath, nobody can steal your peace.
..........So, Mama, don't you worry about me.........The Judds …..Blue Nun Cafe
That adorable angle there is acute. / A half-twisted, one-sided nudie bar is a Mobius strip club.
Famous Last Words: ...of the several States named in said resolutions. --Declaration of Secession State of Alabama (1861)
May your Peace be whirled wide
And your Joy be to the swirled
prairie mama
christine


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