Friday, November 30, 2018

ePistle etc


Famous First Words: This order may be cited... Barbados Independence Order 1966.
Don't piss me off or I'll stop taking my pills. And nobody wants that, do they? / I'm so glad that I don't have to hunt. I have no clue where gluten free tacos live.
..........and the lake has alligators.........Allan Sherman …..hullo Muddah Hello Fadduh
We should learn to live in peace on our own planet. That way, if travelers ever do come from space, they'll have a nice place to visit. --GI, Captain Planet and the Planeteers (1990)
It is a frigid (32°F) Friday morning. This sky is clouding up as the sun rises but there is little breeze to move the bare willow branches or force the cold into the cracks between clothing. Spots of clear blue vanish behind featureless sheets of white. A small flock of small birds occupy a small tree in the front yard and discuss their plans for the day and a few car motors grind away to add a human touch to the soundtrack. Puck tugs at the leash and greets any movement at all with good morning barks. We walk to the end of the sidewalk and back and come into the warmth with much ado. Puck drinks a bowl of milk and goes back to sleep. I fix myself a cup of decaf, artificially sweetened and really creamed. Ah, I love the smell of coffee in the morning; it engages the olfactory with happy thoughts of actually getting stuff done. It tastes good too. But none of that compares to the joy of writing to you.
Hope your weekend projects an aura of total fun, ePistliers.
First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Justice is a dish best served cold because, if it were served warm it would be justwater.
When I die, I want one of my friends to attend the memorial service dressed like the grim reaper. Don't say anything, just stand there. / I do not have ducks. I do not have a row. I have squirrels and they're at a rave.
..........A broken heart can't be the only way.........Davy Jones / Monkees …..Hard To Believe
Trivia Questions: Happy Independence to Barbados
^ Where is Barbados, more or less?
^^ Any idea how many nations have claimed Barbados over the centuries?
^^^ About how many people do you think live in Barbados?
^^^^ Know where the name came from?
^^^^^ What are the principle agricultural crops in Barbados?
Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Romaine empire has fallen. Caesar is dead. Lettuce pray. --Terry Adams --Submitted by mja of ks
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: To celebrate Thanksgiving each year the Librarian of Congress pardons a cat from a DC shelter that then lives out its days roaming the Jefferson Building. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
I know the voices in my head aren't real, but sometimes they come up with really great ideas. / I'm almost a millionaire. I have all the zeros – now, I just need a one.
..........And away up yonder, ahead of them all.........Peter Stookey, Paul & Mary …..Stewball
Moonbeam: Avoid all needle drugs, the only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon. --Abbie Hoffman
Something to Think About of the Week:

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I can't turn water into wine, but I can turn pizza into breakfast.
Week of the Week: National Cookie Cutter Week (12/1-7) – What do you call a deer shaped cutter – A Cookie Doe / You said you wouldn't buy anymore cookie cutters, but those 4 boxes on the porch say that was a lie.
I don't pretend to be something I'm not. Except normal. I've pretended to be normal a few times. / Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.
..........I wasn't socially suited to make it worth your while.........Davy Jones/Monkees …..I Never Thought It Peculiar
^ Barbados is an island country in the Lesser Antilles of the West Indies in the Caribbean region of North America. It is situated in the western area of the North Atlantic and 100 km (62 mi) east of the Windward Islands and the Caribbean Sea. Still lost? Me too – here's a map:
Almanac: It is Friday, November 30, 2018. The moon was last quarter yesterday and is in Virgo. It is Computer Security Day, International Aura Awareness Day, National Meth Awareness Day, and Stay Home Because You're Well Day. In Barbados it is Independence Day (1966) and the Philippines commemorates Bonifacio Day /Heroes' Day (1863). Yemen PDR also celebrates Independence Day (1967).
Among those born on this day were Jonathan Swift (1667), Samuel Clemens (1835), Winston Churchill (1874), Virginia Mayo (1920), Allan Sherman (1924), Shirley Chisholm (1924), Richard Crenna (1926), Robert Guillaume (1927), Davy Jones (1931), Abbie Hoffman (1936), Paul Stookey (1937), David Mamet (1947), Mandy Patinkin (1952), Billy Idol (1955) and Bo Jackson (1962).
On November thirtieth Spain ceded Louisiana to France (1803), the government of East Berlin was set up (1948), Barbados gained independence from Great Britain (1966), Dahomey became Benin (1975), and Radio Shack introduced the Tandy 2000 (aka the Trash 2000, 1983).
Night Sky 11/30: Two faint fuzzies naked-eye: The Andromeda Galaxy (M31) and the Perseus Double Cluster are two of the most famous deep-sky objects. They're both cataloged as 4th magnitude, and in a fairly good sky you can see each with the unaided eye. They're located only 22° apart, very high toward the east early these evenings — to the right of Cassiopeia and closer below Cassiopeia, respectively. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max Picture of the Week: Max and the Wry Smile

Third Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Wow, apparently it's “rude” to ask the parents of a kid on a leash if it was a rescue.
This Week: Saturday, December 1 – Basketball Day & Earmuff Day & Rosa Parks Day
Sunday, December 2 – Chanukah & National Mutt Day & Special Education Day
Night Sky 12/2: Vega still shines brightly in the west-northwest after dark. The brightest star above it is Deneb, the head of the big Northern Cross, which is made of the brightest stars of Cygnus. At nightfall the shaft of the cross extends lower left from Deneb (by about two fists at arm's length). By about 11 or midnight, it plants itself more or less upright on the northwest horizon.
Monday, December 3 – International Day of Persons with Disabilities
Tuesday, December 4 – National Cookie Day & National Sock Day & World Wildlife Conservation Day
Wednesday, December 5 – Bathtub Party Day & International Ninja Day & AFL-CIO Day
Thursday, December 6 – Miners Day & World Trick Shot Day
Sometimes the thoughts in my head get so bored they go out for a stroll through my mouth. --Scott Westerfield / You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
..........It's a nice day to start again.........Billy Idol …..White Wedding
^^ Inhabited by Kalinago people since the 13th century, and prior to that by other Amerindians, Barbados was claimed for the Spanish Crown prior to 1511. The Portuguese visited the island in 1536, but they left it unclaimed. An English ship arrived in Barbados in 1625; its men took possession of it in the name James I.
First Advice of the Week: Don't get your tinsel in a tangle.
Moonbeam: Revolution is not something fixed in ideology, nor is it something fashioned to a particular decade. It is a perpetual process embedded in the human spirit. --Abbie Hoffman
Top Ten Late Night Snacks: Manuel Noriega's Top 10 New Year's Resolutions
10. No more declaring war on really big countries.
9. Call that guy I know from Jacoby & Meyers.
8. Find out if Revlon makes a Spackle.
7. Send Hallmark's most expensive friendship card to President Bush.
6. Get New York City taxi license.
5. Find a travel agent who can work a little faster.
4. Get in touch with my last friend in the world – Nicolae Ceausescu.
3. When all this is over, send Pope a thank-you kilo.
    2. Don't trust anybody talking about a "kinder, gentler nation."
    1. Make reservations for Hell.
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.
Classic Not So Late Night Snacks: So, for the first year or so of the administration, some guy retrieved the scraps from the floor of the wastebasket and took it down to a basement where these two government records professionals would have to tape them back together. It was just like a jigsaw puzzle, but instead of a calming seaside pictures or a bunch of cats, they're putting together classified memos, right - and notes that say things like, just a reminder - Tiffany's birthday is October 13. And just a reminder - Tiffany is the name of your daughter. --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me
May peace and love from the moon above flow through your heart on the wings of a dove. --Penny Halliwell Charmed (2004)
He left a note on the fridge saying, “This isn't working, good-bye”. I opened it and it works just fine. / I grew up living paycheck to paycheck, but through hard work and perseverance I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
..........Through my trials and tribulations.........Billy Idol …..Plastic Jesus
^^^ Barbados has a population of 284,996 people, predominantly of African descent. That's a little more than ½ the population of Wyoming.
Worthless Fact of the Week: Were you aware that in 2012, approximately 1.2 million Americans reported using methamphetamine in the past year; 440,000 reported using the drug in the past month.
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat; it was obvious that she thought the cat understood her...I came home and told my dog...we laughed a lot. --Submitted by sd of ks
Weird Word of the Week: Jitney – a bus or taxi From the 19th century – a five cent piece – which was the price of a bus ride http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-jit1.htm
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Attract fish. When sprayed on fishing bait, WD-40 covers up the scent of human hands on the bait to better lure fish. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wd40.html
The trick is to not let people know how really weird you are until it's too late for them to back out. / Be decisive. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision.
...........Gone to flowers, every one..........Peter Stookey, Paul & Mary …..Where Have All The Flowers Gone
^^^^ The name "Barbados" is from either the Portuguese term Os Barbados or the Spanish equivalent, Los Barbados, both meaning "the bearded ones". It is unclear whether "bearded" refers to the long, hanging roots of the bearded fig tree indigenous to the island, or to the allegedly bearded Caribs who once inhabited the island, or, more fancifully, to a visual impression of a beard formed by the sea foam that sprays over the outlying reefs.
Top Ten Date of the Week: December 29, 1989
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Who decided to call it “emotional baggage” and not “griefcase”?
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Thru The Stones (Davenport, 11/20 -12/2) – The first and largest Outlander convention in the central US. http://www.thruthestones.com/
Actual Science Convention of the Week: Missouri Council of Teachers of Mathematics Fall Conference (Columbia, 11/30 – 12/1) https://www.nctm.org/News-and-Calendar/Calendar-Events/Affiliates/Missouri-Council-of-Teachers-of-Mathematics-Fall-Conference-2147019073/
Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck killing it at karaoke in the case of the Singing Dogs.
I don't have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to be quiet. / Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth...and drink all the bourbon inside. It seems to help.
..........Or you can't find your shoes........Davy Jones/Monkees …..Laugh
^^^^^ The three main crops grown on the island are sugar cane, vegetables, and cotton.
Month of the Week: December is National Pear Month –Fruits can go to heaven if they get past the pear-ly gates. The farmer was a magician; she could make fruit disap-pear and then reap-pear.
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Hi, I'm Dr. Smith. I'm going to deliver your baby. Actually, we'd like him to keep his liver.
Bi-Annual Movie Review of the Week: I saw the movie Green Book this week. {A little background: the last time I saw a movie in a theater was August 2016 (Captain Fantastic ... family friendly full frontal nudity). Green Book is playing in a 12 screen cineplex...the seat electronically recline, it's more comfortable than my bed. (Captain Fantastic was in the small room at Liberty Hall – the one with the hard, wooden chair backs and up a flight that has killed people with stronger hearts than mine}. I arrived about 10 minutes before the start time suggested by the ad, yet I sat through 3 hours of ads for movies I wouldn't watch if my life depended on it. I love this movie. It's funny, it has depth, it is socially relevant on many levels, and it has stayed with me. The only problem I have with it was that while it is set in a Green Book (The Negro Traveler's Green Book) world, it is about the white guy - Tony Lipp. The encounters show us the kinds of problems black people faced at that time (1962 – big cars and big hair) in that place (the deep south), but Dr. Don Shirley (Black, Jamacian, gay, pianist classically trained in Russia and the US) who endures the oppression is not the center of the movie. Favorite distraction: Tony eats through the entire first half of the movie, I mean constantly, and it all fits in. I recommend it. PSs: There could be more Don Shirley music...and...my actor crush (Viggo Mortensen, Tony Lipp) is very good but I never came to really like the character.
Grammar Joke of the Week: A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
Last Minute Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Smoking Meth and posting Bible quotes on Facebook doesn't make you a Methodist. --Submitted by ma of va
Today's Peace of History, November 30, 1993: The Brady Handgun Violence Prevention Act became law.
I have expanded my skills. I can now forget what I'm doing while I'm actually doing it. / Common Sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
..........I'd ring out love between my brothers and my sisters.........Peter Stookey, Paul & Mary …..If I Had A Hammer
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle November 30, 2018, ePistle Etc. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Peace, Laughs, and Silly Voices in your head. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Final Piece of Advice of the Week: Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy. --Submitted by ajm of ok
Moonbeam: Free speech means the right to shout “theater” in a crowded fire. --Abbie Hoffman
Cost of War:
As of 11/29/18 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,876,771,685,464.
As of 11/22/18 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,874,892,851,413.
As of 11/29/18 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $864,398,158,395.
As of 11/22/18 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $863,121,565,295.
As of 11/29/18 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $636,329,011,024.
As of 11/22/18 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $634,724,157,477.
As of 11/29/18 Veterans Care since 2001: $300,256,578,153.
As of 11/22/18 Veterans Care since 2001: $299,891,856,148.
As of 11/29/18 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,677,756,079,251.
As of 11/22/18 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,672,631,100,089.
Call me old fashioned, but if you really wanted peace couldn't you just stop fighting? --Doctor Who Doctor Who
..........Sir Isaac Newton came around to my house one day.........Allan Sherman …..Green Stamps
Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I'm describing him. / If you see your glass as half empty, pout it into a smaller glass and stop bitching.
Famous Last Words: My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die. The Princess Bride
May Peace whisper in your ear
And Joy shout at your side
prairie mama
christine


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