fUnny Girl ePislte

 

Famous First Words: Belle, dont le charme est l'empire --quartet Don Quixote the opera by Wilhelm Kienzl

Today is Day for Women's Rights and International Peace AND Girls Write Now Day AND International Women's Day AND International Working Women's Day. So I thought I would quote some funny women. I spent 7 hours in the beauty shop and that was just for the estimate. --Phyllis Diller / I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui, and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best. --Phyllis Diller / Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance. --Phyllis Diller

..........Mama, please don't go.........Randy Meisner and The Poor …..Come Back Baby

The Lyrics to Bread and Roses inspired by Helen Todd and written by James Oppenheimer to honor International Women's Day

As we go marching, marching, in the beauty of the day

A million darkened kitchens, a thousand mill lofts gray

Are touched with all the radiance that a sudden sun discloses

For the people hear us singing, bread and roses, bread and roses

It is a cloudy, chilly (38°F), windy (16 mph from the northwest) Friday morning. Gray covers the sky without variance in texture or color. Switches of willow are whipping to the south and pulling bigger branches with them. The willow's long chain limbs are just beginning to grow summer leaves. It makes the whole tree look like festive decorations at a tiki bar. I am drinking creamy decaf and listening to Janis sing her greatest hits. In honor of International Women's Day I have vowed to listen to female music all day. Puck is asleep on his pillow looking like a giant wooly worm. A green incense is lit on the waterfall burner to dilute the smell of reality in the room. And now I get to write to you, what a day!

Blessed be, ladies

ePistliers, hope your weekend has roses too.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I heard the government is putting chips in people. I hope I get doritos. --Submitted by Heinlein Society

Most of us live our lives devoid of cinematic moments. --Nora Ephron / You're born, you die. Everything in between is subject to interpretation. --Nora Ephron / The Wonderbra is not a step forward for women. Nothing that hurts that much is a step forward for women. --Nora Ephron / Never marry a man you wouldn't want to be divorced from. --Nora Ephron

..........Silken-soft, she rises from the dawn, child of spring..........Randy Meisner and Poco …..Calico Lady

Trivia Questions: It's Middle Name Pride Day. (I'm Mary Christine Bray...Leonard...Smith) Do you know the first names of these celebrities

• ^ Neil Simon
• ^^ Bruce Willis
• ^^^ Reese Witherspoon
• ^^^^ Paul McCartney
• ^^^^^ Calvin Coolidge

Big Hello: Ħello - Maltese https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I said to the waitress, “I'd like to buy a bagel with cream cheese.” She said, “Sorry, we only take money”.

Image of the Week: Veronica occupying a Who Gives A Crap box

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 1 in 3 Library Teams have been banned from their local bar's trivia night. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas? Jean Kerr / I
make mistakes; I'll be the second to admit it. --Jean Kerr / Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left. --Jean Kerr / Now the thing about having a baby – and I can't be the first person to have noticed this – is that thereafter you have it. --Jean Kerr / I will read anything rather than work. --Jean Kerr

..........Wild horses couldn't make me stay away.........Randy Meisner and the Stone Canyon Band …..Hello Mary Lou

Moonbeam: Have the courage to act instead of react. --Oliver Wendell Holmes

Blasphemy of the Week: If the person offering you salvation is the same person threatening you with punishment and “eternal damnation” it's not really Salvation...it's extortion. --Submitted by MMS

Puzzle of the Week: From listener Eric Berlin of Milford, CT. Take the word SETS. You can add a three-letter word to this twice to get a common phrase: SPARE PARTS. Can you now do this with the word GENIE, add a three-letter word to it twice to get a common phrase. Again, start with GENIE, insert a three-letter word twice, get a common phrase. NPR Sunday Puzzle 3/2/24

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My father warned me about men and booze, but he never mentioned a word about women and cocaine. --Tallulah Bankhead

As we come marching, marching, we battle too, for men
For they are women's children and we mother them again
Our days shall not be sweated from birth until life closes

Hearts starve as well as bodies, give us bread, but give us roses.

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart. --Erma Bombeck / Gult: the gift that keeps on giving. --Erma Bombeck / My theory of housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you? --Erma Bombeck / Never have more children than you have car windows. -Erma Bombeck / The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. --Erma Bombeck

..........You can spend all your love making time.........Randy Meisner and the Eagles …..Take It To The Limit

^ Marvin Neil Simon

Almanac: It is Friday, March 8, 2024. The moon will be new on Sunday (3/10) and is in Aquarius. It is Be Nasty Day, Day for Women's Rights and International Peace, Girls Write Now Day, International Women's Day, International Working Women's Day, Middle Name Pride Day, National Proofreading dAy, and National Peanut Cluster Day.

Among those born on this day were Oliver Windell Holmes (1841), Cyd Charisse (Tula Ellice Finklea, 1921), Johnny Dollar (1933), Lynn Redgrave (1943), Micky Dolenz (1945), Randy Meisner (1946), Cheryl "Salt" James (1964), and Freddie Prinze Jr. (1976).

On March eighth the Peace of Roskilde was signed (Sweden & Denmark, 1658), the first train crossed the suspension bridge at Niagara Falls (1855), the CSA launched the Merrimack (1862), the first state dog tag law was passed (NY, 1894), Don Quixote premiered (1898), International Women's Day was first celebrated (1911), Pan American Airlines incorporated (1927), Hubble photo shows as many galaxies as the Milky Way has stars (1934), International Women's Day was first celebrated (1945), the Fillmore East opened (1968), the Goodyear blimp made its maiden flight (1972), Charles de Gaulle Airport opened (1974), and China withdrew its troops from Vietnam (1979).

Night Sky, 3/8: Bright Sirius now stands due south on the meridian just as twilight fades out into night. Sirius is the bottom star of the equilateral Winter Triangle. The other two stars of the Triangle are orange Betelgeuse to Sirius's upper right (Orion's shoulder) and Procyon to Sirius's upper left. This is the time of year when the Winter Triangle balances on Sirius shortly after dark. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: A little pick me up...

This Week: Saturday, March 9 – International Fanny Pack Day & Genealogy Day & Panic Day

Sunday, March 10 – International Bagpipe Day & International Day of Awesomeness & International Day of Women Judges

Night Sky, 3/10: Daylight saving time begins at 2 am, for most of North America. Clocks spring ahead an hour.

Monday, March 11 – Dream 2024 & Johnny Appleseed Day & World Plumbing Day

Tuesday, March 12 – Alfred Hitchcock Day & Working Moms Day

Wednesday, March 13 – Donald Duck Day & Sterile Packaging Day & Smart and Sexy Day

Night Sky, 3/13: On the traditional divide between the winter and spring sky is the dim constellation Cancer. It's between Gemini to its west and Leo to its east. Cancer holds something unique in its middle: the Beehive Star Cluster, M44. The Beehive shows dimly to the naked eye if you have little or no light pollution. It's a bit less than halfway from Pollux in Gemini to Regulus in Leo. With binoculars it's easy even under worse conditions. Look for a scattered clump of faint little stars. New Moon (exact at 5 am on this date EDT).

Thursday, March 14 – International Day of Action for Rivers & National Equal Pay Day & Pi Day

The difference between male comedy writers and female comedy writers is that the male ones are taller and weigh more. --Tina Fey / I had to get back to work. NBC has me under contract. The baby and I only have a verbal agreement. --Tina Fey / I am constantly amazed by Tina Fey. And I am Tina Fey --Tina Fey / Harvard is Classical Military Theory, Improv is Vietnam. --Tina Fey

..........And the wicked wind whispers and moans........Randy Meisner and the Eagles …..One Of These Nights

^^ Walter Bruce Willis

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I feel like the theme of this year's campaign is a) Vote for me because the other guy is much, much worse vs b) Vote for me because the other guy isn't nearly bad enough. And they are both really, really old too. Aren't you glad you live in a democracy?

Moonbeam: Some people are so heavenly minded that they are no earthly good. --Oliver Wendell Holmes

Conspiracy Theory of the Week: Satellites can collide with prayers and destroy or deflect them. --The Onion Report: 32% Of Prayers Deflected Off Passing Satellites (theonion.com)

Video of the Week: Judy Collins live Bread and Roses

The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble. --Ellen DeGeneres / People always ask me, “were you funny as a child?” Well, no, I was an accountant. --Ellen DeGeneres / Procrastinate now, don't put it off. --Ellen DeGeneres / The way I see it...If you need both of your hands to whatever it is you're doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too. --Ellen DeGeneres.

..........She's a restless spirit on an endless flight.........Randy Meisner and the Eagles …..Witchy Woman

^^^ Laura Jeanne Reese Witherspoon

As we come marching, marching, un-numbered women dead
Go crying through our singing their ancient call for bread
Small art and love and beauty their trudging spirits knew
Yes, it is bread we. fight for, but we fight for roses, too

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm an official cougar. He's young and white. So I'm not just a cougar, I'm a black panther. --Marian Franklin

Weird Word of the Week: Nummit – a meal eaten in the field by farm workers World Wide Words: Nummits and crummits

Dragon of the Week: Salmon Dragon - Quartier Gourmet Market --Submitted by vr of 66

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean leather upholstery in a car. Wash the leather with stale Budweiser beer. Then wash the leather with saddle soap and water, and buff dry with a soft cloth. Let the smell of beer air out of the car before driving anywhere. Otherwise, you may have some explaining to do if you're pulled over by the police. Budweiser®: Wacky Uses

Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. --Lily Tomlin . / I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. --Lily Tomlin / The best mind-altering drug is the truth. --Lily Tomlin / Well, If I can be of any help at all, you are in worse trouble than I thought. / For fast-acting relief try slowing down. --Lily Tomlin

...........The bluebird was high on the wing........Randy Meisner and the Eagles …..Saturday Night

^^^^ James Paul McCartney

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you ever feel worthless, remember, there are people who have theological degrees. --Submitted by MMS

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Awesome Con 2024 (8-10, Washington , DC) ...celebration of geek culture... Home - Awesome Con (awesome-con.com)

Actual Science Conference of the Week: 38^th World Congress on Heart Disease (7-8, Toronto Canada) Theme: Beyond the Beat: Finding Courage Against Heart Disease

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Genie + old → Golden Oldies

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. --Gilda Radner / It's a floor cleaner and a dessert topping. --Jane Curtin / When in doubt, make funny faces. --Amy Pohler / In real life, I'm gorgeous, beautiful. --Rachel Dratch / I'm about to enter a national ass-kicking contest. With no legs. And a massive ass. --Julia Louis-Dreyfus / If it's not one thing, it's your mother. --Julia Sweeney

..........And the empty night swallowed my car.........Randy Meisner …..One More Song

^^^^^ John Calvin Coolidge

Micro Story of the Week: I do not remember this, but it is family lore. I was born Mary Christine Bray and people called me Mary. When I was 2, I discovered that I had another name and I thought Christine was the most beautiful name I had ever heard and I told everyone I wanted to be Christine from then on. My family learned to call me Christine but my Aunt Bobby called me Mary until the day she died. Postscript: When I went to first grade there was another Christine and so I had to go back to Mary until 7^th grade when Mary Sullivan moved into the district and I went back, back to Christine.

Quote of the Week: Womanist is to feminist as purple is to lavender. --Alice Walker

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Based on the amount of pottery fragments alone, the Roman Empire may be the clumsiest empire history has ever known. --Submitted by LaughingInDisbelief

Today's Peace of History, March 8, 1909: Thousands of workers in the New York needle trades (primarily women) demonstrated and began a strike for higher wages, a shorter workday and an end to child labor. This event inspired the date for International Women's Day celebrated all over the world since March 8, 1945

To me, political office should be like jury duty. You should just get a notice in the mail one day and say, “Aw, sh*t, I'm secretary of state next month.” --Wanda Sykes. / I hate when women compare men to dogs. Men are not dogs. Dogs are loyal. I've never found any strange panties in my dog's house. --Wanda Sykes / When my parents send me emails, the first three are blank. --Wanda Sykes / My neighbor, she invited me to an Elvis party. I told her I couldn't come 'cause I'd be too busy making fun of her from behind my blinds. --Wanda Sykes

..........Now that you're gone I can't go on.........Randy Meisner with Kim Carnes …..Deep Inside My Heart

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, May 8, 2024, fUnny gIrl ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Stupidity often saved a man from going mad. --Oliver Wendell Holmes

Cost of War:

• As of 03/07/24 State Department Costs: $230,603,743,800.
• As of 02/29/24 State Department Costs: $230,050,060,212.
• As of 03/07/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,203,203,673,241.
• As of 02/29/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,201,659,835,080.
• As of 03/07/24 Homeland Security: $1,162,190,357,489.
• As of 02/29/24 Homeland Security: $1,161,590,031,815.
• As of 03/07/24 Veterans Care: $3,545,854,708,930.
• As of 02/29/24 Veterans Care: $3,534,154,563,786.
• As of 03/07/24 Military Costs: $3,073,229,010,119.
• As of 02/29/24 Military Costs: $3,034,159,269,129.
• As of 03/07/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,215,084,778,555.
• As of 02/29/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,199,519,432,672.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

As we go marching, marching, we bring the greater days
The rising of the women means the rising of the race
No more the drudge and idler, ten that toil where one reposes
But a sharing of life's glories, bread and roses, bread and roses

Famous Last Words: Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow. --Jane Curtin

..........Gonna roll on down the highway..........R Meisner and E Kaz …..Hearts On Fire

I'm beginning to appreciate the value of naps. Naps are wonderful, aren't they? Sometimes I have to take a nap to get ready for bed. --Marsha Warfield / When I was growing up the only time a woman could enjoy sex was when she needed a new refrigerator. --Marsha Warfield / I used to be a virgin but I gave it up because there was no money in it. --Marsha Warfield / Every time a baseball player grabs his crotch, it makes him spit. That's why you should never date a baseball player. --Marsha Warfield

May your Peace give you joy
And your Joy give you peace
prairie mama
christine

Last Laugh: Happy Be Nasty Day

iDea_l ePistle

 

Famous First Words: We, the people of the eastern division... Constitution of the State of Ohio, 1802

March is International Ideas Month. Authorities seem to agree that the first big technology idea was the wheel. Have you read about the invention of the wheel? It was revolutionary. Actually the woman who invented the wheel was fired from her job for cutting corners.

..........I love you in buckskin and shirts that I've homespun.........Dinah Shore …..Buttons and Bows

Dare to imagine what peace will look like.

It is a windy Friday morning. The empty willow branches are nearly horizontal waving and dancing in a stiff southern breeze. Above it the sky is slate gray with only a few patches of darker or lighter gray and no spots where the sun is trying to get in. Birds are silent but a dog barks from a distance and is answered from still further away. 41°F is not cold but does combine with the wind to send a chill up a coat sleeve or under a hat. Me? I sit at my desk, warm and cozy, watching the day wake up while sipping decaf, creamed and sweetened, and nibbling a chocolate donut. As the mulberry tree takes up the dance of the wind, I light a cone of sandalwood. Now comes the best part, I begin to write to you.

May your weekend be filled with great ideas, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If wisdom comes with age are my wrinkles really wise-cracks? --Submitted by INRITH

Gutenberg's Printing Press is touted as the next biggest idea. Gutenberg once got his hair caught in the printing press. You may have heard about it. It was all over the papers. After that he stopped saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

..........I really wanna know.........The Who with Roger Daltry …..Who Are You?

Trivia Questions: Happy 64^th Birthday to the Peace Corps

• ^ Who first proposed the idea?
• ^^ People marvel at how short a time it took to organize the Peace Corps. How long was it?
• ^^^ What former government employees are banned from serving in the Peace Corps?
• ^^^^ In 2005 an exception was made to the “overseas only” rule for volunteers. What caused that exception?
• ^^^^^ What are the age limits for serving in the Peace Corps?

Big Hello: Assalaamu Alaikum – Maldivian https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I will never understand some people's fascination with their ancestry. Isn't knowing your current family bad enough. --Submitted by INRITH

Image of the Week: This is my dog Puck. He is either consulting the gypsy greyhound about the March Madness Brackets or he's hiding from the vacuum.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: Only 8% of librarians really mean it when they respond “Wow!” to a patron's story. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=tsT

The invention of the compass allowed for long sea voyages and better maps. Last week I got lost in the woods and kept going around in circles. Yes, I had a compass; it turned out to be the wrong kind. I do have a compass that helps me find mushrooms. It's my Morel Compass.

..........'Cause she's playin' all night and the music's alright.........The Who with Roger Daltry …..Squeeze Box

Moonbeam: and I am awaiting retribution for what America did to Tom Sawyer --Lawrence Ferlinghetti I Am Waiting

Question of the Week: How do I get my own dragon? ~~This is a fairly frequently asked question on the website For Love Of Dragons: For the LOVE of Dragons | Facebook

Puzzle of the Week: Came to us from listener Andrew Chaikin of San Francisco, also known as the singer Kid Beyond. Think of a famous character in American literature. Change each letter in that character's name to its position in the alphabet — A=1, B=2, etc. — to get a famous year in American history. Who is this person and what is the year? NPR Sunday Puzzle 2/25/24

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The 1300 folks who own 94% of Earth's wealth, should pay 94% of Earth's bills. --Timothy Michael Florez --Submitted by MMS

The light bulb was an enlightening invention giving us nightlife and light bulb jokes. Apparently, Edison made 1000 attempts at the light bulb before he got it right. Those must have been some dark times. But then, both Edison and Musk got rich off Tesla.

..........I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it.........The Who with Roger Daltry …..Magic Bus

^ Wisconsin Representative Henry Reuss pushed for the creation of a “Point Four Youth Corps” in the late 1950s. In June 1960, meanwhile, Minnesota Senator Hubert Humphrey coined the name “Peace Corps” when he introduced a bill advocating for a program to send “young men to assist the peoples of the underdeveloped areas of the world to combat poverty, disease, illiteracy and hunger.” Neither of the earlier proposals gained traction, but they played a key role in inspiring Kennedy and his staff to begin researching the idea during the 1960 presidential campaign.

Almanac: It is Friday, March 1, 2024. The moon is in Scorpio and will be at the last quarter on Sunday (3/3). It is Baby Sleep Day, Black Women's Day, Endometriosis Day aka Wear Yellow Day, Horse Protection Day, National Horse Protection Day, National Peanut Lovers Day, National Speech & Debate Education Day, National Sunkist Citrus Day, Shabbat Across America, Peace Corps Birthday, Pig Day, Plan a Solo Vacation Day, Self-injury Awareness Day, U.S. Immigration & Customs Enforcement Day, World Compliment Day, World Seagrass Day, and Zero Discrimination Day. Because it is the first Friday in March it is also Dress in Blue Day, Employee Appreciation Day, National Salesperson Day, and National Speech and Debate Education Day. Finally because it is the nearest school day to Dr Seuss's birthday (3/3) it is the NEA's Read Across America Day.
Among those born on this day were William Dean Howells (1837), Glenn Miller (1904), David Niven (1909), Ralph Ellison (1914), Dinah Shore (1917), Robert Lowell (1917), Lawrence Ferlinghetti (1919), Harry Caray (1920), Yitzak Rabin (1922), Judith Rossner (1935), Roger Daltrey (1944), Alan Thicke (1947), and Ron Howard (1953).

On March first the revised Julian calendar came into use in Rome (1 BCE), Pennsylvania outlawed slavery for newborns (1780), the US Articles of Confederation were adopted (1781), the first US census was authorized (1790), Ohio became the 17th state (1803), the US annexed the Republic of Texas (1845), (most of) Nebraska became the 37th state (1867), the Library of Hawaii was established (1879), the first federal land bank was chartered (1917), Rwanda was ceded to England (1921), Captain America first appeared in the comic books (1941), the first permanent auto license plates were issued (CT, 1937), the International Monetary Fund began operating (1947), the Peace Corps was established (1961), K-Mart opened (1962), Uganda became self-governing (1962), NBC announced the return of Star Trek (1968), Johnny Cash married June Carter (1968), Pirate Radio began operations (1969), the Watergate grand jury indicted 7 Nixon aides (1974), and Russian Venera landed on Venus (1982),

Night Sky, 3/1: Sirius blazes high in the south on the meridian by about 8 pm now. Using binoculars or a scope at low power, examine the spot 4° south of it (directly below it when on the meridian). Four degrees is somewhat less than the width of a typical binocular's or finderscope's field of view. Can you see a little patch of speckly gray haze? That's the open star cluster M41, about 2,300 light-years away. Its total magnitude adds up to 5.0. Sirius, by comparison, is only 8.6 light-years away — and being so near, it shines some 400 times brighter than the entire cluster. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Shelter from UAS – Unknown Airborne Stuff ~~I am not sure what they are sheltering under...I'm not even sure if it's Ollie under all that yellow.

This Week: Saturday, March 2 – National Play Outside Day & Sock Monkey Day & World Teen Mental Illness Day

Sunday, March 3 – Princess Day & Simplify Your Life Day & World Wildlife Day

Night Sky, 3/3: Look east after dusk this week for the constellation Leo already climbing well up the sky. Its brightest star is Regulus. The Sickle of Leo (about a fist and a half tall) extends upper left from there.

Monday, March 4 – Brain Injury Awareness Day & National Grammar Day & World Engineering Day for Sustainable Development

Tuesday, March 5 – Peace Corps Day & Unique Names Day

Wednesday, March 6 – Day of the Dude & National Dentist's Day & Oreo Cookie Day

Night Sky, 3/6: Mercury and Saturn are both out of sight in conjunction with the sun.

Thursday, March 7 – National Be Heard Day & National Flapjacks Day

The nail is a very useful invention. Nails only seem to drink a lot because they get hammered their whole. Every nail I've ever known has had attachment issues.

..........They tried and tried and tried.........The Who with Roger Daltry …..Happy Jack

^^ By the time he was inaugurated Kennedy’s Peace Corps had become one of the most talked-about aspects of his platform. University students circulated petitions and pledges to serve, and more than 25,000 letters arrived from prospective volunteers. Faced with such an overwhelming response, Kennedy placed his brother-in-law, Sargent Shriver, in charge of a special task force to create the new organization. Shriver and a brain trust of academics issued a report on the program in just a few weeks, and Kennedy officially established the Peace Corps by executive order on March 1, 1961. Work continued at a frantic pace over the next few months as Shriver—the organization’s first director—interviewed applicants and enlisted the participation of foreign governments. By August 30, a little more than seven months after Kennedy’s inauguration, the first contingent of 51 Peace Corps volunteers had already arrived in Accra, Ghana, to serve as teachers.

Conspiracy Theory of the Week: Meatless foods can alter human DNA. This would cause human beings to no longer be classified as humans. Which would make it impossible for them to be saved by Christ. --Rick Wiles, Christian tv host: Vegetarian hamburgers are a “Lucifarian” plot to change human DNA

Pre-Obligatory Alabama Embryo Joke of the Week: According to experts life begins the minute one leaves Alabama. --Submitted by 98%

Moonbeam: Inequality is as dear to the American heart as liberty itself. --William Dean Howells

Obligatory Alabama Embryo Joke of the Week: Just to clarify what's happening here, tens of thousands of women have children by using IVF every year, and since it's not possible to do that without creating some excess embryos, the state of Alabama has now ruled that starting a family is basically murder. You know, pro-life. Last time I checked, you're not allowed to store kids in the freezer. --Desi Lydic The Daily Show

Video of the Week: Lawrence Frelinghetti reading I Am Waiting (3:59) Bing Videos

Imagine Peace - Again

The battery has been a great idea. Scientists have created the world’s smallest battery, which is the size of a grain of dust but capable of powering a computer. Its design is based on a swiss roll, meaning the creators hope it'll become more popular once they work out how to make a chocolate version. Remember, dead batteries are always free of charge.

..........I hope I die before I get old.........The Who with Roger Daltry …..My Generation

^^^ Since it was founded during the height of the Cold War, the Peace Corps was often subject to speculation that it was a front organization for the Central Intelligence Agency. The Kennedy administration ordered the CIA not to meddle in the Peace Corps’ affairs, but many host countries still believed rumors and Soviet propaganda that the program’s volunteers were undercover spies. In the interest of avoiding any connection to the espionage community, the Peace Corps has always maintained a blanket ban on former CIA employees becoming volunteers. Former members of other intelligence outfits are allowed to serve in some cases, but only after a 10-year waiting period.

Follow Up Alabama Embryo Joke of the Week: Alabama sucks so hard they literally have to force people to be born there. --Submitted by SDS

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Calling bigotry and “opinion” is like calling arsenic a “flavor”. --Deep Space Nine

Weird Word of the Week: Marthambles – a diseases (marthambles at sea, gripping of the guts by land) World Wide Words: Marthambles

Dragon of the Week: Ice Dragon

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Eliminate skunk odor from a dog or cat. Mix 3 cans (12 oz) Budweiser beer and two tablespoons of McCormick Vanilla Extract, saturate your pet's fur with the solution, rub it in well, and let it sit for five minutes, making sure the animal does not lick off any of the alcoholic beverages. Rinse clean with warm water, Budweiser®: Wacky Uses ~~FYI I skipped 3 uses of beer. 1) Set your hair with it ..because it didn't actually say what the beer did for the do 2) fertilize a lawn ...because it also used Epsom salts, ammonia, soap, and mouthwash. and 3) kill fruit flies ...because you trapped them with beer and then poured boiling water on them. But they are available if you want to look them up.

The plow was a groundbreaking idea. The city snow plows have been plowing around the clock when they should have been plowing around the streets. First time I plowed my garden, I noticed something shiny in one of the hunks of dirt. Upon rubbing it, I found the whole hunk of dirt was shiny on the inside! I repeated this on other hunks of dirt and each one was shiny on the inside! That made me realize... Every clod has a silver lining.

...........That deaf, dumb, and blind kid sure plays a mean pinball.........The Who with Roger Daltry …..Pinball Wizard

^^^^ The Peace Corps is designed to work in the developing world, but a lone exception to its overseas mandate came in 2005 when Hurricanes Katrina and Rita ravaged the U.S. Gulf Coast. In the wake of the storms, the Peace Corps dispatched nearly 300 veteran volunteers to Louisiana to distribute food, search for survivors and clear debris. The relief efforts marked the first time in Peace Corps history that the organization carried out operations on home soil. Information on fallen Peace Corps volunteers and staff can be found at fpcv.org

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Ever wonder what your cat named you? --Submitted by mja of ks

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Ret-Con 2024 (1-3, Raleigh-Durham, NC) quest: Nicole Givens Kurtz - genre polymath Home | Ret-Con

Actual Science Conference of the Week: SIAM Conference on Uncertainty Quantification (2/27-3/1m Trieste, Italy) SIAM Conference on Uncertainty Quantification (UQ24)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Ahab → 1812

The flush toilet has made life much pleasanter. The reason your water bill is so high is that your teenager is flushing blunts down the toilet. I dropped my GPS system down the toilet; now I'll never lose my shit again.

..........We'll be fighting in the streets with our children at our feet.........The Who with Roger Daltry …..Won't Get Fooled Again

^^^^^ You must be 18 years old to volunteer for the Peace Corps. The average age of Peace Corps volunteers is 28, but the organization has no rule preventing the middle-aged or the elderly from serving. President Jimmy Carter’s mother Lillian famously joined the Peace Corps at age 68, and roughly 7 percent of all current volunteers are over age 50. As of 2016, the Peace Corps’ oldest active member was Alice Carter, an 87-year-old Boston grandmother serving in Morocco.

Blasphemy of the Week: If I go to heaven, I'm not gonna wear a white robe and sing mediocre Christian songs. If those people are there, I'm gonna need a drink. --John Prine (1946-2020)

Quote of the Week: The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible. --David Ogilvy

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Ecology without Class Struggle is Gardening. --Chico Mendes

Today's Peace of History, March 1, 1943: A huge rally in New York City’s Madison Square Garden called on the US government to reconsider its refusal to offer sanctuary to Jewish refugees of Nazi Germany.

The airplane was a world changing idea. It only took us only 66 years to get from Kitty Hawk to the moon and only 58 years to get from the moon to exploding airplane doors. An optimist invented the airplane and a pessimist invented the parachute.

..........The way the beach is kissed by the sea.........The Who with Roger Daltry …..Love Reign O'er Me

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, March 1, 2024, iDea_l ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Education is all a matter of building bridges. --Ralph Ellison

Cost of War:

• As of 02/29/24 State Department Costs: $230,050,060,212.
• As of 02/22/24 State Department Costs: $229,481,778,768.
• As of 02/29/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,201,659,835,080.
• As of 02/22/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,200,070,188,248.
• As of 02/29/24 Homeland Security: $1,161,590,031,815.
• As of 02/22/24 Homeland Security: $1,160,971,771,481.
• As of 02/29/24 Veterans Care: $3,534,154,563,786.
• As of 02/22/24 Veterans Care: $3,522,098,373,137.
• As of 02/29/24 Military Costs: $3,034,159,269,129.
• As of 02/22/24 Military Costs: $3,072,057,371,827.
• As of 02/29/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,199,519,432,672.
• As of 02/22/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,183,475,099,801.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Imagine Peace Always.

Famous Last Words: ...the third year of the Independence of America. --Articles of Confederation 1777

..........See the USA in your Chevrolet.........Dinah Shore …..Commercial from her tv show.

Nuclear energy and weapons are one of the last earth shaking ideas. The Pentagon has just changed the nuclear codes to more than 140 characters. So Trump can't tweet it. Two aliens were flying near earth. Zoka said, “The dominant life form here has developed satellite based nuclear weapons; so they must be an emerging intelligence.” Zoko answered, “I don't think so, they have it aimed at themselves”.

May Peace brighten your mind
And Joy lighten your heart
prairie mama
christine

Last Laugh:

sWeaty ePistle

 

Famous First Words: Between the people of the United State and the Republic of Cuba... Lease of Guantonamo by the USA.

It's National Sauna Week! Hey, it's a stressful world, if you can't stand the heat stay out of the sauna. / Face it, the sauna is the only appropriate place to let off steam.

..........So baby, what's the story..........Aerosmith with Brad Whitford .....What It Takes

Either America will destroy ignorance or ignorance will destroy the United States. --W E B Du Bois

It is a bright, beautiful, 40°F Friday morning. The sky is pale blue with neither clouds nor jet streams. Birds are up early greeting the day with song or discussion agendas over breakfast. Ducks are on the move leaving a wake of quacking noise behind as the fly west; but I don't think it can be used to predict the weather. I take a long swig of doctored decaf and search through my backyard window for the source of high pitched chirping but I see no movement except the wispy willow branches moving in the light wind. Last night's incense left a hint of jasmine in the air. The only thing missing is a morning sauna where we all tell each other our dreams. Ah, the old hippie days...

Hope your weekend is too hot to handle, ePistlers, in a good way.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: So many village idiots. So few dragons. --Submitted by FTLOD (For the Love of Dragons)

The sauna was so hot that I broke wind just for a little breeze. / Saunas are so relaxing I call mine sweat escape.

..........Got to get back to the real nitty gritty..........Aerosmith with Brad Whitford .....Last Child

Trivia Questions: Happy Skip The Straw Day

• ^ How old is the drinking straw?
• ^^ The stalks of what kind of grain became popular as drinking straws in the 1800s?
• ^^^ When were paper straws first introduced?
• ^^^^ What, exactly, is the problem with plastic straws?
• ^^^^^ How many plastic drinking straws are used in the US annually?

Big Hello: Moghrey mie – Manx (Gaelic, Isle of Man) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Schrodinger's Jerk: A guy who says offensive things and decides whether he was joking based upon the reaction of people around him. --Submitted by FNOG

Image of the Week: February 23 is Curling Is Cool Day

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: Only 2% of librarians are surprised when they're informed about a conspiracy theory they didn't know existed. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

The sauna is so powerful we installed a ceiling fan. / A sauna is like a mini vacation only a lot hotter.

..........Run away, run away from the pain, yeah yeah..........Aerosmith with Brad Whitford .....Janies Got a Gun

Moonbeam: To decide to become a philosopher seemed as foolish to me as to decide to become a poet. --Karl Jaspers

Best Protest Sign of the Week: Make the NRA get a background check BEFORE they buy a Senator. ~~From the Moms Demand Action Gun Control Vigil in Kansas City 2/15/24 Runner up signs were Arms are for Hugging and Protect Kids Not Guns

Blasphemy of the Week: If prayer worked, they wouldn't allow it in casinos.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Grandma was a union woman; she began all her stories with Once upon a time and a half...

The sauna is so hot Optimus Prime turned into an air conditioner. / I once challenged a sauna to a game of Scrabble. Ironically she couldn't handle heated competition.

..........It ain't easy living like a gypsy..........Aerosmith with Brad Whitford .....Mama Kin

^ The oldest drinking straw was discovered in a Sumerian tomb from roughly 3,000 B.C. It was made of gold and the precious stone, lapis lazuli.

Almanac: It is Friday, February 23, 2024. The moon will be full (Snow) tomorrow (2/23) and is in Leo. It is Curling is Cool Day, Digital Learning Day, Diesel Engine Day, Iwo Jima Day (flag raised), National Dog Biscuit Day, National Tile Day, and Single Tasking Day. Because it is the fourth Friday it is also Skip The Straw Day.

Among those born on this day were Pietro Barbo (Pope Paul II, 1417), Samuel Pepys (1633), John Blow (1649), George Frideric Handel (1685), Mayer Amschel Rothschild (1734), Emma Willard (1787), Istvan Ferenczi (1792), William E B Du Bois (1868), Karl Jasper (1883), William L Shirer (1904), Margaret Farrer (1914), Tom Wesselman (1931), Peter Fonda (1940), Johnny Winter (1944), Brad Whitford (Aerosmith, 1952), and Too Tall Jones (1951).

On February twenty-third the Humane Society of Massachusetts was incorporated (1792), Haydn's 94th Symphony in G premiered (1792), William III was proclaimed king of England (1689), the College of Apothecaries was organized as the US's first pharmacy school (1821), Boston incorporated (1822), Texas seceded (1861), Mississippi was readmitted to the union (1870), Alabama became the first state to enact antitrust laws (1883), the first college student government was established (Bryn Mawr, 1892), Cuba leased Guantanamo to the USA (1903), the US acquired control of the Panama Canal Zone ($10 million, 1904), the first transcontinental air mail arrived in NYC (from San Francisco, 1921), Disney's Pinocchio was released (1940), the Salk vaccine was first used on a mass scale (Pittsburgh, 1954), demolition began on Ebbets Field (opened 1913, 1960), Charlies Finley signed a 4 year lease to keep the A's in KC (1964), the 25th amendment was ratified (presidential succession, 1967), Wilt Chamberlain became the first NBAer to score 25,000 points (1968), the Holy Eucharist was first given by women (1970), and Dire Straits began their first US tour (1979).

Night Sky, 2/23: Full Moon tonight (exactly full at 7:30 am Saturday morning EST). At sunset the Moon is already rising in the east. By nightfall you'll see that the Moon is almost straight between Regulus 3° to its right and lesser Gamma Leonis 5° to the Moon's left. Binoculars will help you spot them through the moonlight, especially if there's any haze in the sky. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: The Kings of the Mountain playing King of the Stump

This Week: Saturday, February 24 – International Sword Swallowers Day & National Dance Day & Open That Bottle Night

Sunday, February 25 – Hockey Day & Rubber Ducky Day

Night Sky, 2/25: It's not spring for another month, but the Spring Star Arcturus seems eager to thrust itself into view. It rises above the east-northeast horizon soon after dusk now, depending on your latitude. To see where to watch for this, find the Big Dipper as soon as the stars come out; it's high in the northeast. Follow the curve of its handle down and around to the lower right by a little more than a Dipper-length. That's the spot on the horizon to watch. By 10 or 11 p.m. Arcturus dominates the eastern sky.

Monday, February 26 – Carpe Deim Day & Museum Advocacy Day & National Cupcake Day & Play More Cards Day

Tuesday, February 27 – International Polar Bear Day & National Kahlua Day

Wednesday, February 28 – National Tooth Fairy Day & Pink Shirt Day & Inconvenience Yourself Day

Night Sky, 2/28: Venus, magnitude –3.9, rises in the southeast as dawn gets under way. It's still hanging low there when dawn grows too bright for it. Mars, magnitude +1.3, remains deep in the sunrise.

Thursday, February 29 – Leap Day & International Toast Day & National Chili Day

Why isn't Leap Day also World Frog Day?

The sauna is so hot a family of macaws have moved in. / There's a sauna out in LA that has become a life coach. He calls himself heatotherapist.

..........Can't say I'll be back soon..........Aerosmith with Brad Whitford .....Seasons of Wither

^^ The ryegrass straw became popular in the 1800s because it was cheap and soft.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Witches aren't superstitious. We are what people are superstitious of. --Stirring the Cauldron

Moonbeam: I know not how to abstain from reading. --Samuel Pepys

Unfortunate Modern Necessity of the Week: This is the Mass Shooting Tracker. Mass Shooting Tracker There had been 68 so far in 2024 (as of 2/22/24). It consists of Date / City / # Dead / # Injured / Name(s) of victims / references to news stories

Video of the Week: Peter Fonda tripping in a cemetery in Easy Rider (2:36) Bing Videos

We must complain. Yes, plain, blunt complaint, ceaseless agitation, unfailing exposure of dishonesty and wrong – this is the ancient, unerring way to liberty and we must follow it. --W E B Du Bois

The sauna was so powerful the termites carried fire extinguishers. / The sauna refused to participate at Woodstock because he couldn't find his sweat band.

..........I could spend my life in this sweet surrender..........Aerosmith with Brad Whitford .....I Don't Want to Miss a Thing

^^^ The paper straw was introduced in 1888 by Marvin C. Stone, who received the patent for it.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The role of the artist is to make the revolution irresistible.

Weird Word of the Week: Mickle – much --from Shakespeare Mickle Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster

Dragon of the Week: Dragon Fruit

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Decorate windows with artificial snow. Rather than decorating a window with aerosol snow, mix stale Budweiser beer with Epsom Salt until the beer cannot hold any more. Apply the mixture to the glass with a sponge. When it dries, the window will be frosted. Budweiser®: Wacky Uses

The sauna was so hot that even Voldemort' s heart melted. / As saunas go, this is “sëlfsauna-ification”.

...........Come easy, go easy, alright..........Aerosmith with Brad Whitford .....Back in the Saddle

^^^^ Plastic straws are made with a variety of potentially toxic chemicals known as hazardous air pollutants (HAPs). They are not biodegradable. Straws and coffee stirrers are the 7^th most plastic products found in clean up campaigns. Paper straws biodegrade but also have PFAs (Perfluorooctanoic Acid) known as forever chemicals. But the world has begun to manufacture biodegradable paper straws)

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If Poe heard the Raven tap tap tapping at this window today, it would just be the Raven playing Candy Crush on his Android.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Con Nooga (23-25, Chattanooga, TN) It's Your Con... Con Nooga, ComicCon, Comic Con

Actual Science Conference of the Week: 6^th International Conference on BioMedical Technology (23=25. Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam) Fantastic platform for researchers... ICBMT2024|BioMedical Technology 

Memorable Movie Line of the Week: I have zero interest in dying. --Richard Stanton (Viggo Mortensen) Thirteen Lives

The sauna was so hot I took off my skin and sat around in my bones. / The sauna lets you melt your stress away.

..........Singing, hey diddle diddle..........Aerosmith with Brad Whitford .....Walk This Way

^^^^^ In the US it is estimated that between 170 to 490 million disposable plastic straws are used each day, which translates to approximately 63 to 142 billion straws per year.

Last Minute Joke I Wrote of the Week: Kansas is such a red state, they use it in Sauna commercials.

Quote of the Week: The most important decision you make is to be in a good mood. --Voltaire

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Men will make fun of women who like astrology while managing a fake football team. -Toni --Submitted by 98%

Today's Peace of History, February 23, 2016: 2 peace activists with Voices for Creative Nonviolence, Brian Terrell and Kathy Kelly, were arrested when they attempted to deliver a loaf of bread and a letter to drone operators at Volk Field, an Air National Guard Base in Wisconsin, which trains pilots to operate Shadow Drones over other countries. http://warisacrime.org/content/activists-arrested-entering-drone-base-loaf-bread

The sauna was so powerful it inspired a book called 50 Shades of Red. / When Chuck Norris goes into the sauna, the sauna starts to sweat.

..........Said my get-up-and-go must've got up and went..........Aerosmith with Brad Whitford .....Sweet Emotion

Observation of the Week: It's amazing how many sauna jokes are really about hot tubs or steam rooms.

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, February 23, 2024, sWeaty ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. --Emma Willard

Cost of War:

• As of 02/22/24 State Department Costs: $229,481,778,768.
• As of 02/12/24 State Department Costs: $228,700,856,173.
• As of 02/22/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,200,070,188,248.
• As of 02/12/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,197,888,696,157.
• As of 02/22/24 Homeland Security: $1,160,971,771,481.
• As of 02/12/24 Homeland Security: $1,160,123,425,669.
• As of 02/22/24 Veterans Care: $3,522,098,373,137.
• As of 02/12/24 Veterans Care: $3,505,566,123,936.
• As of 02/22/24 Military Costs: $3,070,849,500,802.
• As of 02/12/24 Military Costs: $3,069,193,583,195.
• As of 02/22/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,183,475,099,801.
• As of 02/12/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,161,474,735,264.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

I am especially glad of the divine gift of laughter: it has made the world human and lovable, despite all its pain and wrong. --W E B Du Bois

Famous Last Words: I think it's swell --Jiminy Cricket Disney's Pinocchio

..........You got to lose to know how to win..........Aerosmith with Brad Whitford .....Dream On ~~These are the top 10 favorite Aerosmith songs in order – according to some poll – with Dream On being #1

The sauna is so hot I bake bread while I'm bathing. / I'm starting a popcorn business. I'm going to pop it in the sauna and call it Easy Corn.

May Peace cleanse your spirit
And Joy clear your heart
prairie mama
christine

Last Laugh: