Whimsical ePistle

 Famous First Words: The German People, imbued with the desire to safeguard human liberty and rights … Constitution German Democratic Republic

Some favorite jokes: Third Grade Joke: How do you fix a broken tuba? With a tuba glue. / I got an A in Philosophy 101 last semester by proving my professor doesn't exist.

..........He took a trip to heaven on the S.P. Line.........Joe Hill …..Casey Jones

You cannot live through life without falling into frustration and cynicism unless you have before you a great idea which raises you above personal misery, above weakness, above all kinds of perfidy and baseness. --Leon Trotsky

It is already Friday afternoon. The sun is trying to break through the clouds. All of everybody's errands are done and I'm finally sending out the ePistle.

Hope the weekend amuses you, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse. --Jim Ho

Did you hear about the Norwegian who loved his wife so much he almost told her? / What do you get when you cross a Lutheran and a Buddhist? Someone who sits up all night worrying about nothingness.

..........If they'd stick together they'd get all they make.........Joe Hill …..Count Your Workers (Count Your Blessings)

Trivia Questions: Happy World Smile Day !

• ^ When are babies able to smile?
• ^^ How many types of smiles are there, anyway?
• ^^^ Who smiles most adults or children?
• ^^^^ What does smiling do for your brain?
• ^^^^^ What, if any, other species smile?

Big Hello: Namaste – Gujarati https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bumper Sticker: I'm So Gay, I Can't Even Drive Straight.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 25% of librarians you think are hungover just stayed up too late reading. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

So these two penguins are standing on an iceberg. One says to the other, “You look like you're wearing a tuxedo.” The other penguin replies, “Who says that I'm not?” / Hyman Goldfarb went to Buckingham Palace to be knighted by Charles III. Goldfarb knelt so Charles could put the sword on his shoulder. He was supposed to say something in Latin, but he forgot it, so asked the question from Passover in Hebrew, “Ma nishtana ha leila hazeh”. Charles III turned to his grand chamberlain and said, “Why is this knight different from all other knights?”

..........You will eat, bye and bye.........Joe Hill …..The Preacher and the Slave (Sweet Bye and Bye)

Moonbeam: The ripest peach is highest on the tree. --James Whitcomb Riley

Meditation of the Week: What happens next?

Puzzle of the Week: This challenge came from listener Steve Baggish of Arlington, Mass. Take the name of a US state capital. Immediately to the right of it, write the name of a world capital. If you have the right ones, the name of a US state will be embedded in consecutive letters within that letter string. What three places are these?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one. --J D Salinger

What do you get when you cross a cantaloupe with a border collie? Melancholy babies. / What do you get when you cross a fly with an elephant. A zipper that never forgets.

..........Arrive where my job should be.........Joe Hill …..Nearer My Job To Thee (Nearer my God to thee)

^ When babies are born, they can already smile. However, at first they might not be smiling at your funny jokes.

Almanac: It is Friday, October 7, 2022. The moon will be full (Hunter's Moon) on Sunday (9^th) and is in Pisces. It is National Personal Safety Day, You Matter to Me Day. In Fiji it is Deed of Cession Day (1874) and the German Democratic Republic celebrates Constitution Day (1949). Because it is the first Friday it is also Lee's National Denim Day, National Diversity Day, and World Smile Day.

Among those born on this day were Caesar Rodney (1728), William Billings (1746), James Whitcomb Riley 91849), Martha McChesney Berry (1866), Joe Hill (1879), Leon Trotsky (1879), Niels Bohr (1885), Andy Devine (1905), Vaughn Monroe (1911), Alfred Drake (1914), Sarah Churchill (1914), June Allyson (1917), Desmond Tutu (1931), Willie Naulls (1934), John Cougar Mellencamp (1951), Tico Torres (1954), and Yo-You Ma (1955).

On October seventh the Stamp Act Congress convened (NY, 1765), the Granite Railway began operations (1826), Spain abolished slavery in Cuba (1886), the first infra-red photograph was taken (1931), American Bandstand premiered (1957), Potter Stewart was appointed to the US Suprmeme Court (1958), Route 66 premiererd (1960), the Motion Picture Association of America adopted the film rating system (1968), and Lynette Woodward became the first woman Harlem Globetrotter (1985).

Night Sky, 10/7: Mercury is beginning its best week of 2022 as a dawn object. On Saturday morning look for it low due east about 60 to 40 minutes before your local sunrise http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Brothers of A Not Quite Eternal Flame

This Week: Saturday, October 8 – Costume Swap Day & National Chess Day & World Octopus Day

Night Sky, 10/8: The Moon and Jupiter cross the sky together tonight. They start in the east-southeast

Sunday, October 9 – International Beer and Pizza Day & World Postcard Day

Monday, October 10 – Hug A Drummer Day & Indigenous Peoples' Day & World Homeless Day

Tuesday, October 11 – National Coming Out Day & World Child Development Day

Wednesday, October 12 – Free Thought Day & S.A.V.E. (Stop America's Violence Everywhere)

Night Sky, 10/13: Saturn, magnitude +0.5 in dim Capricornus, glows in the south these evenings. It's about four fists to the right of Jupiter at the end of twilight, and lower right of Jupiter as evening grows late. Saturn is highest due south around 9 or 10 pm.

Thursday, October 13 – English Language Day & National No Bra Day & World Sight Day

Johnny Mercer composed his songs in bed because he was writing sheet music. / You know how Unitarians don't recognize the Trinity? That is exactly how Baptists don't recognize each other in a liquor store.

..........Arise, ye prisoners of starvation.........Joe Hill …..Workers of the World, Awaken

^^ There are 19 different types of smiles. Only 6 have to do with happiness. Others are for embarrassment, misery, and fake happiness.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bats now use the phrase, “Trumpshit Crazy”. --Submitted by 98%

Moonbeam: An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field. --Niels Bohr

Video of the Week: Happy Birthday to Vaughn Monroe – here he is singing Riders In The Sky aka Ghost Riders In The Sky https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAPCxfuBzyo

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: We're gonna calculate where this asteroid is going and then we're going to make it late for wherever it was going to do. --Dulcé Sloan AND A few weeks ago the good people of Oregon got upset because I mispronounced the name of their state on this show...from now on I will refer to your state properly as South Washington. --Peter Segal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 10/1/22

Fascism is nothing but capitalist reaction. --Leon Trotsky

If you cross a Jehovah's Witness and a Unitarian, you get someone who goes around knocking on doors but isn't sure why. / Howard was waiting in line for heaven. St Peter asked the first person to state her profession. “I was a doctor.” All right, you may enter. The second guy said he was a lawyer and St. Peter allowed him in on a trial basis. Howard told him he was a HMO manager. “OK”, said St. Peter, “You can come in, but only for three days.”

..........We're spending billions every year for gun and ammunition.........Joe Hill …..Should I Ever Be A Soldier (Colleen Bawn by J Fred Helf)

^^^ According to studies, children laugh around 300-500 times a day. Adults laugh around 17.5 day.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bumper Sticker: Honk If You Like Noise

Dragon of the Week: Dragon wall on a home in South Belfast, Ireland

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Lure insects away from an outdoor party or barbecue. Coat a few small pieces of cardboard with Aunt Jemima Original Syrup and place them around the perimeter of the yard. Stinging insects, like wasps, bees and yellow jackets will be attracted to the syrup instead of your guests. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/auntjemima.html

Sharon had a pet newt that rode on her shoulder everywhere she went. She used to say, “His name is Tiny because he's my newt”. / The Amish don't water ski because it's too hard on the horses.

...........And wheels and bolts and hay went flying ev'ry way.........Joe Hill …..Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay

^^^^ Endorphins are released when you smile. Endorphins are chemicals released into the brain. They are natural painkillers and elevate your mood.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Infandous – Unspeakable, too odious to be expressed http://www.worldwidewords.org/topicalwords/tw-inf2.htm

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Nerdinout 2022 (7-9, Rochester, MN) ...we will have Artists, Authors, Attractions, Arcade Alley, Magic the Gathering Tournaments https://www.nerdinoutcomiccon.com/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Conference on Research Innovations in Engineering and Technology (6-7, NYC) Please ensure your submission meets the conference's strict guidelines for accepting scholarly paper. https://waset.org/research-innovations-in-engineering-and-technology-conference-in-october-2022-in-new-york

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: State capital: Denver, Colo. or Dover, Del.; National capital: Montevideo, Uruguay; Embedded state name: Vermont

This morning very early I was in my garden and a bee was sitting on the fence next to the morning glories. I heard it say, “Hey, bud, when do you open?” / Taking Viagra on the same night you eat ham and beans leads to a stiff wind.

..........But the only and thoroughbred lady is the Rebel Girl.........Joe Hill …..Rebel Girl

^^^^^ Smiling is a human expression which comes naturally to us. Apes, monkeys, and chimpanzees smile too. When they are tickled they have been known to laugh.

My Own Writing of the Week: My Last Husband

Bruce was my second husband. He has no nickname, or rather he has too many or they are too intimate. Early in our courting, he would fax me erotic messages. The problem with this was that I did not have a fax machine on my computer and someone in the steno pool had to pick up the faxes and deliver them to me. I was so glad when he finally got access to email.

Bruce introduced me to adult movies and aged single malt Scotch. There are some good triple x movies. Deep Throat and The Devil in Miss Jones are classics that I enjoyed. Strictly speaking adult movies are not pornography, they are erotica. But the term porn has come to represent that genre. There are a lot of offensive movies out there. Offensive largely because they are are poorly made by people with little budget and/or no talent. Wanton doesn't make it offensive; wanton might, however, make it a Dark Brothers film. Why is it that we are offended by images of people making love and not by images of people killing each other.

There was a while when Bruce ran an adult book store. You do understand that bookstore here is a euphemism. The sign outside was GIRLS LIVE GIRLS!! There were women in the back in little booths who would strip for customers. They were behind glass. The club was in Kansas City on Troost Avenue down around 46th street or something like that.

Now and again an "adult movie" star would come to town and customers could get their picture taken with them and get an autograph. The stars were always female; it was never Ron Jeremy. (John Holmes was already dead. Actually, Jeremy was pretty old then too.) I've had dinner with porn stars. How cool is that! At least once the suggestion of a threesome with a star came up, but I wasn't up for it. I felt like a wimp from Kansas standing in the presence of the woman who chanted "Fuck me fifty times like the bull fucks the cow".

I never "cheated" on Bruce, never. I never did group sex with him. I didn't want to watch Bruce making love to another woman. Didn't care if he did it - I assume he did it with the porn stars when I wasn't there. Didn't want to be there. He was the best; it would have made me too sad.

The "girls live girls" (every one of them live) were great. Mostly they were housewives or students earning extra money. The porn stars were actors, professional actors - that pretty much says it all.

There were two reasons Bruce and I actually got married, rather than just lived together forever. 1) Is a story about his ex-wife that impacted their son. He was visiting one weekend – we went to a science fiction convention – and when we took him back to his mother's on Sunday evening, she had moved. It was a couple of weeks before she called. I know nothing about the events on the other end of this story. Anyway, we thought Mike would feel more secure if everything looked legal.

The other reason is AIDS. It was becoming a problem and ended my picking up men at conventions and stuff. So the coupling was so convenient for me that I feel creepy and I refuse to admit to myself that I could be that self centered. But I loved Bruce and would not have done it just for the monogamy.

In addition to two marriages, I had an extended affair with a friend and confidante and there was another man I loved who got a way. Perhaps for that very reason, I think of him as the one I loved most. --From: Always Surrender: Memories, observations, micro-stories, and lies from my life as an insurgent in the sexual revolution

Halloween Quote of the Week: There's no age limit on trick or treating. You can knock on my door with a martini and a smoldering Pall Mall in your old-looking hands and I'm gonna give you a Snickers. Happy Halloween --Submitted by 98%

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If history repeats itself, I'm so getting a dinosaur.

Today's Peace of History, October 7, 1989: From 40,000 to 150,000 people descended on Washington to lobby Congress and the Housing Secretary to provide affordable housing for the homeless.

I brewed my first batch of beer and entered it in a home-brewing contest. I got back a note that said, “Dear Lady, your horse has diabetes”. / I keep seeing spots in front of my eye. Have you seen a doctor? No, just spots.

..........But when he tried to find his job, he sure was out of luck.........Joe Hill …..Mr Block (It Looks To Me Like A Big Time Tonight)

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle October 7, 2022, Whimsied ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS

'Nother Peace of History, October 7, 1989: From 40,000 to 150,000 people descended on Washington to lobby Congress and Housing Secretary to provide affordable housing for the homeless.

Moonbeam: Your ordinary acts of love and hope point to the extraordinary promise that every human life is of inestimable value. --Desmond Tutu

Cost of War:

• As of 10/6/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $189,434,915,967.
• As of 9/29/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $188,881,017,214.
• As of 10/6/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,088,214,878,242
• As of 9/29/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,086,667,754,190.
• As of 10/6/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,117,472,531,650.
• As of 9/29/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,116,870,851,877.
• As of 10/6/22 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,674,211,746,691.
• As of 9/29/22 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,662,483,540,927.
• As of 10/6/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,985,922,763,504.
• As of 9/29/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,984,748,020,701.
• As of 10/6/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,055,259,645,686.
• As of 9/29/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,039,653,559,321.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Revolutions are always verbose. --Leon Trotsky

Famous Last Words: Good Luck to All of you. --Joe Hill My Last Will

..........There is pow'r, there is pow'r in a band of working men.........Joe Hill …..There Is Power In The Union (There Is Power In The Blood)

Dorothy got lost in Oz because she had three men giving her directions. / Doctor, you've got to help me, some mornings I wake up and think I'm Donald Duck, other mornings I think I'm Mickey Mouse. Sigh, another case of Disney spells.

May Peace cheer your heart

And Joy elate your soul

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: I had a joke here but gmail won't let me insert it. I removed Image of the Week because gmail wouldn't insert it today – although it let me insert both last night when I sent my practice letter. Shit.

Koalatee ePistle

 Famous First Words: Parish, monster, at our hands. --The Three Ladies Mozart The Magic Flute

It's Save The Koala Day ! Kathy Koala is really cute, but she can be unbearable. / Kevin Koala said, “What do you mean I'm not a bear? I have all the koalifications.”

..........Then peace will guide the planets and love will rule the stars.........Marilyn McCoo …..Let The Sunshine In

There are causes worth dying for, but none worth killing for. --Albert Camus

It is a perfect Friday morning. The sky is a beautiful blue with only light streaks of jet trails and a couple of small, puffy white clouds. The temperature is 57°F with a very, very light wind that only moves the willow branches and shakes cottonwood leaves to see if it can send them to the ground to drain into shades of tan and buttermilk. The crows are in the neighborhood bouncing their conversation off the trees and housetops. Shadows flow over the street as they fly about. Other birds are holding other conversations and the air is filled with a cacophony of tweets and chirps. Our lack of rain is beginning to show; lawns are ragged and traces of brown are woven among the green grasses. Down the block a large dog in a neckerchief is barking at the squirrels in his tree and Puck wants to join in the “hunt”, but we return home instead. Home to the smell of brewing coffee. Home that sounds like television cartoons in the next room. Home where I can sit down at my computer, take long sips of sweetened, creamy coffee and write to you. See – perfect?

Hope your weekend is the bee's knees, ePistliers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Congratulations! We've really become the people who tell younger folk, “I remember when all of this was just woods.”

Koral Koala ate all the eucalyptus because she couldn't leaf it alone. / I'm not short; I'm koala sized.

..........I know how it feels to have wings on your heels.........Deborah Kerr …..Hello, Young Lovers (The King and I)

Trivia Questions: So long, Howdy Doody! What do we know about the first ever televised American children's television show?

• ^ How often did Howdy Doody air – per week?
• ^^ What were Clarabell's only spoken words?
• ^^^ Can you name any other marionettes from the show?
• ^^^^ Chief Thunderthud was a member of what fictitious Indian tribe?
• ^^^^^ What was the princess' name?

Big Hello: Aluu – Greenlandic https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Pretty sure I only need one more bad decision and I'll have the whole set. --Submitted by INRITH

Image of the Week: I had a lovely picture of David Booth Memorial Stadium filled...filled up. But it had a prior copyright commitment, so here's a last minute replacement of Puck rolling on this back.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: At any given moment 27% of librarians are cursing to themselves. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

With parachute pants and aviator glasses, Kory looks so kool-ala. / What's small, furry and slightly purple? Kolma Koala holding her breath

..........Sunshine, Sunshine is all you see now.........Freddie King …..Same Old Blues

Moonbeam: Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. --Truman Capote

Meditation of the Week: Which is easier – to love or be loved?

Puzzle of the Week: ...challenge comes from listener Theodore Regan, of Scituate, MA. If you squish the lowercase letters "r" and "n" together, they look like an "m." Think of a word that ends in the consecutive letters "r-n." Squish them together to get a homophone of a synonym of the first word. What words are these? --NPR Sunday Puzzle 9/25/22

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: After a book was banned at my high school, I went directly to the public library and read it. It was the first time I realized books had the power to make parents completely lose their shit. It made me want to be a writer. --Jamie Ford

Kassandra Koala always predicted bad news. She was the bear of bad tidings./ Before he makes any appointments, he checks his koalander.

..........Why do birds sing so gay.........Frankie Lymon …..Why Do Fools Fall in Love

^ Howdy Doody was the first NBC show to air five days a week.

Almanac: It is Friday, September 30, 2022. The moon will be in the first quarter on Sunday (10/2) and is in Sagittarius. It is Blasphemy Day, International Translation Day, and National Mulled Cider Day. Because it is the last Friday, it is also Hug a Vegetarian Day, Save the Koala Day, Support Purple for Platelets Day, and Vegan Baking Day.

Among those born on this day were Robinson Crusoe (1627), Jean Perrin (1870), Kenny Baker (1912), Lester Maddox (1915), Deborah Kerr (1921), Truman Capote (1924), Elie Wiesel (1928), Angie Dickinson (1931), Freddie King (1934), Johnny Mathis (1935), Frankie Lymon (1942), Marilyn McCoo (1943), Rula Lenska (1947), Deborah Allen (1953), and Dave Magadan (1962).

On September thirtieth Guttenberg published his first book (Bible, 1452), The Magic Flute premiered (Vienna, 1791), the US claimed Midway Islands (1867), Bechuanaland became a British protectorate (1885), the city of New York was established (1898), the first manned rocket plane took flight (1929), Hoover Dam was dedicated (1934), Porgy and Bess premiered (1935), the first Congress of International Astronautical Federation opened (Paris, 1950), the first atomic-powered submarine was launched (1954), the last episode of Howdy Doody aired (1960), San Francisco's Palace of Fine Arts reopened (1967), the first automatic docking in took place in space (Kosmos 186 & 188, 1967), the summer Olympics opened in Seoul, South Korea (1981), and Haitian president, Jean-Bertand Aristide was ousted (1991).

Night Sky, 9/30: The waxing Moon hangs in the southwest as twilight fades to darkness. Use binoculars to look 10° below the Moon and perhaps a bit left for what will probably be your last sighting this year of the Cat's Eyes, the pair of stars in the tail of Scorpius. At this late date the Cat's Eyes are tilted even more than usual, with the fainter one lower right of the brighter one. They're 0.6° apart. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: The Brotherhood of Pallet Pirates.

This Week: Saturday, October 1 – International Coffee Day & National Black Dog Day & National Play Outside Day

Sunday, October 2 – Audiophile Day & Name Your Car Day & National Custodial Workers Day

Night Sky, 10/2: The starry W of Cassiopeia stands high in the northeast after dark. The right-hand side of the W (the brightest side) is tilted way up. Look at the second segment of the W counting down from the top. Notice the dim naked-eye stars along that segment (not counting its two ends). The brightest of these, on the right, is Eta Cassiopeiae, magnitude 3.4. It's a remarkably Sun-like star just 19 light-years away, but it has an orange-dwarf companion, magnitude 7.3, separation 13 arcseconds — a lovely binary in a telescope. Left of Eta, and fainter, is a naked-eye pair in a dark sky: Upsilon1 and Upsilon2 Cassiopeiae, 0.3° apart. They're yellow-orange giants unrelated to each other, 200 and 400 light-years distant from us. Upsilon2 is slightly the brighter of the pair. It's also the closer one.

Monday, October 3 – Child Health Day & World Habitat Day

Tuesday, October 4 – Duck Tracy Day & National Taco Day & Vodka Day

Wednesday, October 5 – Coffee With A Cop Day & Get Funky Day & World Teachers Day

Night Sky, 10/5: Venus is getting almost unobservably low in very bright dawn. Mercury is on its way up to replacing it there.

Thursday, October 6 – National Badger Day & National Noodle Day & National Orange Wine Day

Kristopher Koala was in the church choir. He sings bearitone. / Kit Koala went on a diet and switched from eucalyptus to koalaflower.

..........I'm as helpless as a kitten up a tree.........Johnny Mathis …..Misty

^^ Clarabell the Clown never spoke on camera until the very last episode. While large amounts of money were offered by advertisers to have him say the sponsor's name or product, all offers were refused. After the closing credits of the very last episode, a drumroll was played, and Clarabell, holding back tears, softly said, "Goodbye, kids."

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: At a weed store you can say “I want something to help me sleep that won't make me wonder if my back door is unlocked”. They will take you seriously, think hard about it, and then say something like, “Have you tried Ooga Booga Skywalker Cake?” --Submitted by MMS ~~This came as one sentence with 5 commas. I cleaned it up.

Moonbeam: Why would we have different races if God meant us to be alike and associate with each other? --Lester Maddox

Video of the Week: The Howdy Doody theme song (:33) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1USHuud5i8

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The Royal Flush - True of False: A British supermarket responded to the queen's death by closing for one entire month? False....they responded by solemnly turning down the volume of their check-out beep. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 9/24/22

The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion. --Albert Camus

Krystal Koala was waiting tables at Outback when she fell and dropped a whole tray of food. She was so embearassed. / Little known fact, Koalas settle legal matters in a kangaroo court.

..........A fleeting glance can say so many lovely things.........Johnny Mathis …..A Certain Smile

^^^ In addition to Howdy Doody, the cast of marionettes included: Flub-a-Dub, a creature made up of seven animals in one, whose favorite food was meatballs and spaghetti; Dilly Dally, a baseball-capped boy who could wiggle his ears; Mister Bluster, villainous mayor of Doodyville (the fictional location of the show); Inspector Fadoozle, forever peering through his magnifying glass, who billed himself as "America's number one private eye".

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous. Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet. --Submitted by jm or ks

Weird Word of the Week: Hooplehead – foolish, ridiculous, or worthless person. Likely from Major Hoople in the comic strip. Our Boarding House. http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-hoo3.htm

Dragon of the Week: In honor of the Sand Sculpting Competition, A Sand Dragon of Grand Haven, MI

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Cure hiccups. To put a stop to the hiccups, eat one tablespoon Aunt Jemima Original Syrup. The act of swallowing and clearing the mouth of this sticky syrup interrupts breathing patterns, realigning the diaphragm, and the fructose in the corn syrup seems to stop the nerve impulses in the mouth from instructing the muscles in the diaphragm to spasm. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/auntjemima.html

Kory Koala threw a big party that got out of hand and the neighbors koalaed the cops. / Kadi got kicked off of the New Zealand Olympic team for cheating. She was diskoalafied.

...........Jungle drums were badly beating.........Johnny Mathis …..Babalu

^^^^ Chief Thunderthud was Chief of the Ooragnak tribe. "Ooragnak" is "kangaroo" spelled backwards.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If we can crash something into an asteroid to see what happens why can't we invest in housing everyone and see what happens? --L Joy Williams

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Capclave (9/30-10/2, Rockville MD) -Where reading is not extinct https://www.capclave.org/capclave/capclave22/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: K-INBRE (IdeA Network of Biomedical Research Excellence, 9/30, Oklahoma City, OK) ...science, technology, engineering, and math https://okinbre.ouhsc.edu/Conferences-and-Events

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Darn → Damn

Kaci's favorite drink is Pina Koala while Kacey's is Koala tea / I love you, Calyptus.

..........As far as I can see, this is heaven.........Johnny Mathis …..It's Not For Me To Say

^^^^^ Judy Tyler appeared as Princess Winterspring Summerfall. She later appeared as Peggy Van Alden In "Jailhouse Rock" with Elvis Presley.

My Own Writing of the Week: I love husbands, you have a little afternoon delight and then they go home and drive someone else crazy.

I really tried to avoid men with entanglements out of fairness to them and to women I may or may not have met. I have no reason to hurt any of them. Of course, in the 60s everyone was sleeping around because we were hippies. At least I think that was the excuse. (In the 20s the excuse was they were flappers and in the 40s there was war on.) We had four person marriages, open marriages, common law marriages, and communes. Free Love was the ideal.

I never cared for that scene, it seemed artificial. I found it easy to believe that somehow organically people could get together in a variety of combinations of numbers and genders; but I never experienced it. All of the ménage à trois I was involved with were well planned.

I picked up a guy in a bar one night; he was married. It was certainly a one-night stand and we both knew that at the time. But I did that bar bit only once - yuk!! The worst thing about picking up partners in bars is that you have to spend all that time in bars actually drinking.

Pooh Bear, my first husband, and I had a weekend with a couple who were into group sex - because no one really likes the word orgy. It was one of the low lights of my hippie years. {I am always flattered to be thought of as an old hippy. I'm older than that; I'm an aging beatnik.} But the male of this couple thought it was fun to put drugs in people's tea and not tell them. The weekend turned into a long, trippy nightmare, basically. Lots of back rubs...good, long, sensual back rubs and subconscious crap.

One of the Young Apollos really was living with a lady; they weren't married but they were pretty solidly together. Jeez, I do not remember having a single qualm. We played Dungeon and Dragons with a group of people and I do not remember now who started the flirting that led to the affair. We were certainly playing in the dirt and we both knew it. That was part of the appeal, the titillation. I suspect that he had other women too. And while being one of a crowd is not morally different from being the only one, it can save one from a little guilt if applied carefully.

My first Husband

Whenever I am in a conversation where someone says, “I'm a Libra.” I say, “My first husband was a Libra.” And I never elaborate.

We were married in 1965, just a few years before the summer of love. We had an "open" marriage. Which meant that we could sleep with anyone we wanted to. We then preceded to make sex so uninviting to each other that the option became the default. We did group sex, spouse swapping, side affairs.

Pooh Bear was a wonderful father. I had friends who dreaded leaving their children with their exes over a weekend. Afraid. Pooh Bear was a much better father than I was a mother. When our first was crawling and climbing and learning, Pooh would sit on the staircase while he studied with one hand on the kid's butt. He had that kind of patience. He wasn't the perfect father; but I was never worried about the children.

I have no anger over our sexual exploits during this marriage. We were looking for new ways to relate, new ways to run the world, ways that were more egalitarian and shared the pains and pleasures of life among us all. We were bright and both learned a lot. We both went on to have productive lives. It was an interesting first act.

For a while Pooh Bear worked as a zookeeper at Topeka's Gage Park and Colorado Springs' Cheyenne Mountain. On a couple of occasions I was there when it was feeding time in the Big Cat House. Everyone knew it was dinner time. The male lion was pacing the cage roaring, pacing over to the little interior window and growling at the staff, and the pacing and roaring. A crowd gathered. The female lion was lying on her shelf looking really, really bored. When dinner finally arrived as a huge plastic dishpan full of huge hunks of raw meat. The female got up walked, leisurely, over to the male tiger and whacked him on the ear with her paw. He then went to his shelf and mama ate. When I got to the other end of the building the male tiger was lying on his shelf looking really, really hungry. Enough said.

At some point in this mess I had a meeting with a friend of mine, perhaps acquaintance is a better adjective for what we were at that time. She and I knew each other from C.O.R.E. meetings. I don't know why we were together talking about this except that part of the hippie experience was to talk about stuff, endlessly. Weather underground talked endlessly about bourgeois privatism.

She and Pooh had slept together. She seemed kind of afraid of me. It felt dreadful and I never wanted anyone to be afraid of me, ever again (at least, until I had teenagers and dogs). I wasn't jealous and I didn't feel anger or anything like it. I'm not sure why. Perhaps, I didn't really love him even then or perhaps I realized that he was a free individual and didn't need my permission to live his life. There were moments when I would have paid a fortune for some woman to steal him away. That husband has been ex since 1971 but that lady was a wonderful and faithful friend till the day she died.

It was during a wife swap with another couple that I bedded the Unreadable Writer. All I remember of the encounter was that I was embarrassed and self-conscious and awkward. It seemed so artificial. I also have a vague sense that he was as incomprehensible as his novels.

On the other hand, when Pooh's second wife left him and drove halfway across the country to show up - unannounced - at my door one Saturday morning, she was apparently ready to sit down to "roast bear". Fortunately, a friend of mine was at my house when she showed up and did not leave my side until we had gotten rid of her. Whew! Eternally thankful to that friend. I was not and am not into beating up on old loves.

And in the end he moved away, first to the west coast and then to Africa. --From: Always Surrender: Memories, observations, micro-stories, and lies from my life as an insurgent in the sexual revolution

Quote of the Week: Your proportions look funny especially when you're naked. --GQ Magazine. There is a boom in $75,000 leg lengthening surgery among men.

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: So Ozzy is moving out of America to England because he thinks the USA is “getting too crazy”. Let that sink in. Ozzy Osbourne thinks America is too crazy. We are doomed. --Submitted by bgc of tx

Today's Peace of History, September 30, 2004: The U.S. Navy announced the shutdown of Project ELF.

Kyle Koala fell in love with Keira Koala because she was beary pretty. / Bear with me, I'll think of a pun in a minute.

..........In the magic moonlight when I sigh.........Johnny Mathis …..Chances Are

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle September 30, 2022, Koalatee ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS

Moonbeam: Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing. --Elie Wiesel

Cost of War:

• As of 9/29/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $188,881,017,214.
• As of 9/22/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $188,322,818,349.
• As of 9/022/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,086,667,754,190.
• As of 9/22/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,085,108,696,224.
• As of 9/29/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,116,870,851,877.
• As of 9/22/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,116,264,547,311.
• As of 9/29/22 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,662,483,540,927.
• As of 9/22/22 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,650,665,333,871.
• As of 9/29/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,984,748,020,701.
• As of 9/22/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,983,564,318,311.
• As of 9/29/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,039,653,559,321.
• As of 9/22/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,023,930,283,965.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal. --Albert Camus

Famous Last Words: 'Cause we're leavin' for the lan', Oh. Chorus Porgy and Bess

..........Saying good-bye.........Deborah Allen …..Baby, I Lied

Peace Keeper Kobin Koala fights for ekolatry. / Admit it, these were Koalaty puns.

May Peace attend your garden

And Joy mingle with your flowers

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: DART not only made history by crashing into an asteroid, but it also avenged the dinosaurs. --Bob DiPalol

fErny ePistle

 Famous First Words: a ănd căt răt --McGuffey's Eclectic Primer Lesson 1

It's National Indoor Plant Week (18-24) – I'm assuming these are what I call houseplants. I appreciate that the plants in the atrium of the Power & Light Building downtown are indoors, but I'm certainly not going to go talk to them. They'd lock me up. / Last week I got a cute little philodendron that I sat next to my big, old Begonia. But the philodendron keeps whispering “bloomer”.

.......... I don't know if you'll remember as well/Recuerdo que ganabas siempre tu .........Julio Iglesias …..Hey!

Why is a woman to be treated differently? Woman suffrage will succeed, despite this miserable guerrilla opposition. --Victoria Woodhull

It is a rainy Friday morning. The sky is a sheet of gray clouds that do not threaten storms, but solidly sprinkle light rain over the land. 58°F seems a little chilly compared to recent temperatures, but still only requires a light jacket. Lawns and other foliage raise their leaves in appreciation of the drink, but Puck, being made of sugar, is afraid of melting, and hurries us along. The world smells of rain and damp soil and wet pavement trying to be an autumn aroma. Pumpkin and Halloween decorations now grace front yards and add to the feel of fall. The local murder of crows are in the street drinking from the small puddles and doing whatever crows do and always discussing it among themselves. They add to the fall decoration. But we are home now, inside where it is warm and dry. I sit with freshly brewed decaf and a blueberry muffin while Puck sleeps under my bed, his dog cave. So, I raise my cup to you, ePistliers, and to your autumn, Hail.

Hope your weekend blooms like a rose, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The trouble with living alone is that it's always my turn to do the dishes.

Some of my best fronds are houseplants. / Have you botany any new plants lately?

..........You never let me down before........Harry Connick Jr …...Just the Way Your Are

Trivia Questions: Happy Checkers Day aka Dogs in Politics Day. Can you name the president?

• ^ Who had two beagles named Him and Her?
• ^^ Who owned the poodle named Gaullie and the Welsh terrier named Charlie?
• ^^^ Which president owned Grits and Lewis Brown?
• ^^^^ Which president owned Bo and Sunny?
• ^^^^^ How many of the current pet residents of the white house can you name?

Big Hello: Ґєіά (Ya) – Modern Greek https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Bible and the Quran both tell us to love one another. The Kama Sutra is a little more specific. --Submitted by bc of tx

Image of the Week: Spiderman spotted leaving the Dillons at 6^th & Wakarusa.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 36% of librarians will lie about being a librarian if they think you’ll make a bunch of dumb Dewey decimal jokes https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Support Plant Parenthood! / I give my plant the perfect soil, fertilizer, temperature control, light, water, humidity. The best my plant can do in one new leaf.

..........or even be glad, just to be sad, thinking of you........Harry Connick Jr …..It Had to Be You

Moonbeam: If you want rainbow, you have to deal with the rain. --Octivian

Meditation of the Week: Where did right and wrong come from?

Puzzle of the Week: From listener Roy Holliday, of Nyack, N.Y. Name something, in eight letters, that you might hear at an opera. Drop three of the letters, without changing the order of the remaining five. You'll name something you might see at an opera. What things are these? --NPR Sunday Puzzle 9/18/22

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Maybe we'll just start sending busloads of banned books to Florida schools. --Submitted by 98%

I was perfectly normal three plants ago. / I've just made a couple of cuttings from my African Violets. I'm taking a leaf of faith.

..........Comes as sweet and clear as moonlight through the pines..........Ray Charles …..Georgia On My Mind

^ LBJ had Him and Her and another beagle named Edgar and a white collie named Blanco and a beagle named Freckles and a mongrel named Yuki. (also various hamsters and lovebirds)

Almanac: It is Friday, September 23, 2022. The moon will be new on Sunday (9/25) and is in Virgo. It is Celebrate Bi-Sexuality Day, Checkers Day (aka Dogs in Politics Day), Innergize Day, and Restless Legs Awareness Day. In Puerto Rico it is Grito de Lares Day (1868); in Saudi Arabia they celebrate Unification Day (1932) and in Wyoming it is Frontier Day. Because it is the 4^th Friday it is also American Indian Day (since 1916) and Love Note Day.

Among those born on this day were Euripides (484 BCE), Octavian (63 BCD), Ferdinand VI (1713), William McGuffey (1800), Victoria Woodhull (1838), Edgar Lee Masters (1869), John Lomax (1870), Walter Lippmann (1889), Mickey Rooney (1920), John Coltrane (1926), Ray Charles (1930), Julio Iglesias (1943), Loren J. Shriver (1944), Mary Kay Place (1947), Bruce Springsteen (1949), Patti Weaver (1955) and Harry Connick Jr. (1967).

On September twenty-third Harvard held its first commencement (1642), Lewis & Clark returned to St. Louis (1806), the first baseball team was organized (NY Knickerbockers, 1845), the Emancipation Proclamation was first published in newspapers (1962), Cheyene, WY held its first Frontier Days Rodeo (1897), the University of Alberta opened (1908), the first Keystone Comedy was released (1912), the Kingdom of Hejaz & Nejd became Saudi Arabia (1932), Richard Nixon made his "Checkers" speech (1952), a new largest known prime was discovered (2^132,049-1, 1973),

Cheryl Ladd replaced Farrah Fawcett on Charlie's Angels (1977), and Sparky Anderson became the first manager to win 100 games in both leagues (1984).

Night Sky, 9/23: To mark the summer-to-fall transition every year, Deneb takes over from brighter Vega as the major star nearest the zenith after nightfall (for skywatchers at mid-northern latitudes). Arcturus shines ever lower in the west-northwest after dark. The narrow kite shape of its constellation, Bootes, extends two fists at arm's length to Arcturus's upper right; Arcturus is where the kite's downward-hanging tail is tied on. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: The brotherhood of the hammock

This Week: Saturday, September 24- Fish Amnesty Day & International Lace Day & Punctuation Day

Sunday, September 25 – International Day of the Deaf & World Lung Day & Rosh Hashanah

Night Sky, 9/25: This is the time of year when, during the evening, the dim Little Dipper "dumps water" into the bowl of the Big Dipper way down below. The Big Dipper will dump it back in the evenings of spring.

Monday, September 26 – Johnny Appleseed Day & World Contraception Day & Family Day

Tuesday, September 27 – Ancestor Appreciation Day & National Scarf Day & World Tourism Day

Wednesday, September 28 – Confucius Day & National Drink Beer Day & National Good Neighbor Day

Night Sky, 9/28: Jupiter comes to opposition next week. At a bright magnitude –2.9, you can spot it very low due east as twilight fades. It dominates the east after dark, then the higher southeast, shining in otherwise bland Pisces. Jupiter stands highest in the south around 1 am daylight-saving time.

Thursday, September 29 – National Coffee Day & VFW Day & Michaelmas

I grow a few herbs in my kitchen window. It's easy to remember to water them. But when I came back from vacation, I found this note: Long thyme, no see. / I don't have houseplants, I have Emotional Support Plants

..........No more, no more, no more, no more.........Ray Charles …..Hit the Road Jack

^^ JFK had Gaullie, a standard poodle, & Caroline had Charlie, a Welsh Terrier. Camelot also had a cat, 3 birds, ducks (unnumbered), 3 ponies and a Doberman Pinscher named Moe, 2 hamsters, a dog gifted by Khrushchev named Pushinka (it was the offspring of the Soviet space dog, Strelka) and a cocker spaniel named Shannon, and wolfhound and Schnauzer mix named Wolf and a German shepherd named Clipper and 5 of Pushinka & Charlie's puppies, a rabbit, and a horse.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Every c in the name Pacific Ocean is pronounced differently. --Submitted by nh of ks

Moonbeam: The tongue may be an unruly member—but silence poisons the soul. --Edgar Lee Masters

Video of the Week: Happy Frontier Day, Wyoming. Here's some Wyoming Highlights (2:45) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgyTw9fkLX4

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Charles III: All his hard preparation, the difficult work he put in to assume the throne...doing everything from being born to staying alive. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 9/17/22

I shall not change my course because those who assume to be better than I desire it. --Victoria Woodhull

I like houseplants but my sister refused to visit me without a pith helmet and a machete / Life would succ without my Aloe Vera.

..........Well, I know that the boogaloo is outta sight.........Ray Charles …..Shake Your Tailfeather

^^^ Jimmy Carter had Grits the Border collie and Lewis Brown an afghan hound. Amy had a Siamese cat named Misty Malarky Ying Yang.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Vaginas brought you into this world and vaginas will vote you out!

Weird Word of the Week: Autolatry – the worship of oneself. ~~An example: I will be reading from my unpublished memoir An Act Surprising: My night as a February Sister tonight (9/23) at Watkins Museum of History at 11^th & Massachusetts, Lawrence KS Also on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/WatkinsMuseum

Dragon of the Week: Temple Bar Memorial Dragon – London

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Soothe a hangover. To help relieve a hangover, eat two tablespoons of Aunt Jemima Original Syrup. The fructose in the corn syrup raises blood sugar depleted by alcohol. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/auntjemima.html

I have several cacti. They always look sharp. / My cousin loves those African flowers. She has a violet streak.

...........sprung from cages on Highway 9.........Bruce Springsteen …..Born to Run

^^^^ Obama (or perhaps the girls) had Bo and Sunny both are Portuguese Water Dogs.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Panera makes fast food for people who think they are too good to eat fast food.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: SpaCon 2022 (23-25, Hot Springs, AR) Get your personal geek on. https://spa-con.org/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Madison International Symposium (21-23, Madison, WI) Emerging Therapies at the Intersection of Genetic and Cellular Technologies https://www.isscr.org/upcoming-programs/madison-international-symposium

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Baritone --> Baton

My Bamboo plant grew up and is now in college studying STEM. / My pygmy date tree is so nervous we call it sweaty palm.

..........Like a river that don't know where it's flowing..........Bruce Springsteen …..Hungry Heart

^^^^^The Bidens own Champ, a German Shepherd, and Major, a German Shepherd rescue, and Commander, a German Shepherd given to him by his brother, and Willow, a gray tabby cat.

My Own Writing of the Week: I once nearly had a raven haired Apollo who was a prolific writer. Matter of fact, he still writes a lot. He was and probably still is very tall and very spare. His arms and hands naturally lodged in places no ordinary person could reach. I certainly noticed that he was tall, but I didn't realize what that meant until I read a short story of his and a character in the story sat on a sofa and reached up and around and picked up something or moved it. I realized that I could sit on a sofa and would have to get up and lean over the back in order to reach the item in question. I began to look for these kinds of clues about the author in everything I read.

He was given to over-thinking, perhaps a side effect of his PhD (or maybe the PhD was a side effect of his over-thinking). He had attended a Friday tea dance at the Hyatt Regency Hotel in Kansas City the week before the one where the balcony fell down and killed 114 people. He obsessed about it at great depth and length. It is the sort of coincidence that meant so little to me. All life is a set of coincidences, this sperm not that one and there is no raven-haired Apollo to mope around about coincidence.

He wrote short stories with skill and imagination. He could write humor that was actually funny. Several better known and more respected science fiction writers aren't able to do that. He had published stories when I met him and I collected them into a notebook, which I may still have. The books and stories he has written since I moved on have been fun and worth the time and the price, every one that I've read.

Once, in his hearing I criticized the book of another author as being 50 pages too long. The reader figures out what the protagonist is going to do but it takes 50 pages before she actually goes and does it. He said that was a scathing review. I was actually fairly forgiving of the 50 pages because it was a young writer who thought she had to tell ALL of the story. She'd learn. The extra pages weren't badly written, they were just extra. The same criticism can be said for Anne Rice's Cry to Heaven, only it was many more pages and most certainly the writing on those extra pages is way better than whatever sword and sorcery the young author was writing. The raven-haired Apollo's fiction is lean and spare like his body.

He is now a professor back east somewhere. But his stories don't sound like he's a professor of English. (And that is the opposite of a scathing review). I've read too many stories that sound like they were written by English Professors. And the ones that sound like they are written by math professors are even worse. --From: Always Surrender: Memories, observations, micro-stories, and lies from my life as an insurgent in the sexual revolution

Quote of the Week: The closer the collapse of an empire, the crazier its laws. --Cicero

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Of course I've decorated for fall. I've covered my yard with brightly colored leaves.

Today's Peace of History, September 23, 1979: 200,000 attended an anti-nuclear rally in New York City’s Battery Park. It was the largest political protest of the late '70s in the US, six months after the partial meltdown of the nuclear reactor at Three Mile Island, Pennsylvania.

I'm only getting one new houseplant...a week. / I'm starting a daily blog about my houseplants. It's called A Day In The Leaf.

..........I've got nowhere to run and nowhere to go..........Bruce Springsteen …Born in the USA

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle September 16, 2022, Ferny ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith Lawrence, KS

Moonbeam: It requires wisdom to understand wisdom; the music is nothing if the audience is deaf. --Walter Lippmann

• Cost of War:
• As of 9/22/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $188,322,818,349.
• As of 9/15/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $187,762,738,417.
• As of 9/022/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,085,108,696,224.
• As of 9/15/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,083,544,133,321.
• As of 9/22/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,116,264,547,311.
• As of 9/15/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,115,656,005,222.
• As of 9/22/22 Veterans Care since 2001: $23,650,665,333,871.
• As of 9/15/22 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,638,802,313,473.
• As of 9/22/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,983,564,318,311.
• As of 9/15/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,982,375,864,972.
• As of 9/22/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,023,930,283,965.
• As of 9/15/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,008,138,390,250.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

I am a free lover. I have an inalienable, constitutional, and natural right to love whom I may, to love as long or short a period as I can; to change that love every day if I please. --Victoria Woodhull

Famous Last Words: This is how this story has ended.(Chorus) --Euripides Medea

..........Now I just act like I don't remember..........Bruce Springsteen ..…The River

When I'm having a hard day with my plants I just Green and bury it. / I started taking care of houseplants to help me cut down to two cats. Now, the entire spare bedroom has been taken over by catnip.

May Peace give you calm

And Joy present you serenity

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: