Whimsical ePistle

 Famous First Words: The German People, imbued with the desire to safeguard human liberty and rights … Constitution German Democratic Republic

Some favorite jokes: Third Grade Joke: How do you fix a broken tuba? With a tuba glue. / I got an A in Philosophy 101 last semester by proving my professor doesn't exist.

..........He took a trip to heaven on the S.P. Line.........Joe Hill …..Casey Jones

You cannot live through life without falling into frustration and cynicism unless you have before you a great idea which raises you above personal misery, above weakness, above all kinds of perfidy and baseness. --Leon Trotsky

It is already Friday afternoon. The sun is trying to break through the clouds. All of everybody's errands are done and I'm finally sending out the ePistle.

Hope the weekend amuses you, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse. --Jim Ho

Did you hear about the Norwegian who loved his wife so much he almost told her? / What do you get when you cross a Lutheran and a Buddhist? Someone who sits up all night worrying about nothingness.

..........If they'd stick together they'd get all they make.........Joe Hill …..Count Your Workers (Count Your Blessings)

Trivia Questions: Happy World Smile Day !

• ^ When are babies able to smile?
• ^^ How many types of smiles are there, anyway?
• ^^^ Who smiles most adults or children?
• ^^^^ What does smiling do for your brain?
• ^^^^^ What, if any, other species smile?

Big Hello: Namaste – Gujarati https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bumper Sticker: I'm So Gay, I Can't Even Drive Straight.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 25% of librarians you think are hungover just stayed up too late reading. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

So these two penguins are standing on an iceberg. One says to the other, “You look like you're wearing a tuxedo.” The other penguin replies, “Who says that I'm not?” / Hyman Goldfarb went to Buckingham Palace to be knighted by Charles III. Goldfarb knelt so Charles could put the sword on his shoulder. He was supposed to say something in Latin, but he forgot it, so asked the question from Passover in Hebrew, “Ma nishtana ha leila hazeh”. Charles III turned to his grand chamberlain and said, “Why is this knight different from all other knights?”

..........You will eat, bye and bye.........Joe Hill …..The Preacher and the Slave (Sweet Bye and Bye)

Moonbeam: The ripest peach is highest on the tree. --James Whitcomb Riley

Meditation of the Week: What happens next?

Puzzle of the Week: This challenge came from listener Steve Baggish of Arlington, Mass. Take the name of a US state capital. Immediately to the right of it, write the name of a world capital. If you have the right ones, the name of a US state will be embedded in consecutive letters within that letter string. What three places are these?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one. --J D Salinger

What do you get when you cross a cantaloupe with a border collie? Melancholy babies. / What do you get when you cross a fly with an elephant. A zipper that never forgets.

..........Arrive where my job should be.........Joe Hill …..Nearer My Job To Thee (Nearer my God to thee)

^ When babies are born, they can already smile. However, at first they might not be smiling at your funny jokes.

Almanac: It is Friday, October 7, 2022. The moon will be full (Hunter's Moon) on Sunday (9^th) and is in Pisces. It is National Personal Safety Day, You Matter to Me Day. In Fiji it is Deed of Cession Day (1874) and the German Democratic Republic celebrates Constitution Day (1949). Because it is the first Friday it is also Lee's National Denim Day, National Diversity Day, and World Smile Day.

Among those born on this day were Caesar Rodney (1728), William Billings (1746), James Whitcomb Riley 91849), Martha McChesney Berry (1866), Joe Hill (1879), Leon Trotsky (1879), Niels Bohr (1885), Andy Devine (1905), Vaughn Monroe (1911), Alfred Drake (1914), Sarah Churchill (1914), June Allyson (1917), Desmond Tutu (1931), Willie Naulls (1934), John Cougar Mellencamp (1951), Tico Torres (1954), and Yo-You Ma (1955).

On October seventh the Stamp Act Congress convened (NY, 1765), the Granite Railway began operations (1826), Spain abolished slavery in Cuba (1886), the first infra-red photograph was taken (1931), American Bandstand premiered (1957), Potter Stewart was appointed to the US Suprmeme Court (1958), Route 66 premiererd (1960), the Motion Picture Association of America adopted the film rating system (1968), and Lynette Woodward became the first woman Harlem Globetrotter (1985).

Night Sky, 10/7: Mercury is beginning its best week of 2022 as a dawn object. On Saturday morning look for it low due east about 60 to 40 minutes before your local sunrise http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Brothers of A Not Quite Eternal Flame

This Week: Saturday, October 8 – Costume Swap Day & National Chess Day & World Octopus Day

Night Sky, 10/8: The Moon and Jupiter cross the sky together tonight. They start in the east-southeast

Sunday, October 9 – International Beer and Pizza Day & World Postcard Day

Monday, October 10 – Hug A Drummer Day & Indigenous Peoples' Day & World Homeless Day

Tuesday, October 11 – National Coming Out Day & World Child Development Day

Wednesday, October 12 – Free Thought Day & S.A.V.E. (Stop America's Violence Everywhere)

Night Sky, 10/13: Saturn, magnitude +0.5 in dim Capricornus, glows in the south these evenings. It's about four fists to the right of Jupiter at the end of twilight, and lower right of Jupiter as evening grows late. Saturn is highest due south around 9 or 10 pm.

Thursday, October 13 – English Language Day & National No Bra Day & World Sight Day

Johnny Mercer composed his songs in bed because he was writing sheet music. / You know how Unitarians don't recognize the Trinity? That is exactly how Baptists don't recognize each other in a liquor store.

..........Arise, ye prisoners of starvation.........Joe Hill …..Workers of the World, Awaken

^^ There are 19 different types of smiles. Only 6 have to do with happiness. Others are for embarrassment, misery, and fake happiness.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bats now use the phrase, “Trumpshit Crazy”. --Submitted by 98%

Moonbeam: An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field. --Niels Bohr

Video of the Week: Happy Birthday to Vaughn Monroe – here he is singing Riders In The Sky aka Ghost Riders In The Sky https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAPCxfuBzyo

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: We're gonna calculate where this asteroid is going and then we're going to make it late for wherever it was going to do. --Dulcé Sloan AND A few weeks ago the good people of Oregon got upset because I mispronounced the name of their state on this show...from now on I will refer to your state properly as South Washington. --Peter Segal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 10/1/22

Fascism is nothing but capitalist reaction. --Leon Trotsky

If you cross a Jehovah's Witness and a Unitarian, you get someone who goes around knocking on doors but isn't sure why. / Howard was waiting in line for heaven. St Peter asked the first person to state her profession. “I was a doctor.” All right, you may enter. The second guy said he was a lawyer and St. Peter allowed him in on a trial basis. Howard told him he was a HMO manager. “OK”, said St. Peter, “You can come in, but only for three days.”

..........We're spending billions every year for gun and ammunition.........Joe Hill …..Should I Ever Be A Soldier (Colleen Bawn by J Fred Helf)

^^^ According to studies, children laugh around 300-500 times a day. Adults laugh around 17.5 day.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bumper Sticker: Honk If You Like Noise

Dragon of the Week: Dragon wall on a home in South Belfast, Ireland

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Lure insects away from an outdoor party or barbecue. Coat a few small pieces of cardboard with Aunt Jemima Original Syrup and place them around the perimeter of the yard. Stinging insects, like wasps, bees and yellow jackets will be attracted to the syrup instead of your guests. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/auntjemima.html

Sharon had a pet newt that rode on her shoulder everywhere she went. She used to say, “His name is Tiny because he's my newt”. / The Amish don't water ski because it's too hard on the horses.

...........And wheels and bolts and hay went flying ev'ry way.........Joe Hill …..Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay

^^^^ Endorphins are released when you smile. Endorphins are chemicals released into the brain. They are natural painkillers and elevate your mood.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Infandous – Unspeakable, too odious to be expressed http://www.worldwidewords.org/topicalwords/tw-inf2.htm

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Nerdinout 2022 (7-9, Rochester, MN) ...we will have Artists, Authors, Attractions, Arcade Alley, Magic the Gathering Tournaments https://www.nerdinoutcomiccon.com/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Conference on Research Innovations in Engineering and Technology (6-7, NYC) Please ensure your submission meets the conference's strict guidelines for accepting scholarly paper. https://waset.org/research-innovations-in-engineering-and-technology-conference-in-october-2022-in-new-york

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: State capital: Denver, Colo. or Dover, Del.; National capital: Montevideo, Uruguay; Embedded state name: Vermont

This morning very early I was in my garden and a bee was sitting on the fence next to the morning glories. I heard it say, “Hey, bud, when do you open?” / Taking Viagra on the same night you eat ham and beans leads to a stiff wind.

..........But the only and thoroughbred lady is the Rebel Girl.........Joe Hill …..Rebel Girl

^^^^^ Smiling is a human expression which comes naturally to us. Apes, monkeys, and chimpanzees smile too. When they are tickled they have been known to laugh.

My Own Writing of the Week: My Last Husband

Bruce was my second husband. He has no nickname, or rather he has too many or they are too intimate. Early in our courting, he would fax me erotic messages. The problem with this was that I did not have a fax machine on my computer and someone in the steno pool had to pick up the faxes and deliver them to me. I was so glad when he finally got access to email.

Bruce introduced me to adult movies and aged single malt Scotch. There are some good triple x movies. Deep Throat and The Devil in Miss Jones are classics that I enjoyed. Strictly speaking adult movies are not pornography, they are erotica. But the term porn has come to represent that genre. There are a lot of offensive movies out there. Offensive largely because they are are poorly made by people with little budget and/or no talent. Wanton doesn't make it offensive; wanton might, however, make it a Dark Brothers film. Why is it that we are offended by images of people making love and not by images of people killing each other.

There was a while when Bruce ran an adult book store. You do understand that bookstore here is a euphemism. The sign outside was GIRLS LIVE GIRLS!! There were women in the back in little booths who would strip for customers. They were behind glass. The club was in Kansas City on Troost Avenue down around 46th street or something like that.

Now and again an "adult movie" star would come to town and customers could get their picture taken with them and get an autograph. The stars were always female; it was never Ron Jeremy. (John Holmes was already dead. Actually, Jeremy was pretty old then too.) I've had dinner with porn stars. How cool is that! At least once the suggestion of a threesome with a star came up, but I wasn't up for it. I felt like a wimp from Kansas standing in the presence of the woman who chanted "Fuck me fifty times like the bull fucks the cow".

I never "cheated" on Bruce, never. I never did group sex with him. I didn't want to watch Bruce making love to another woman. Didn't care if he did it - I assume he did it with the porn stars when I wasn't there. Didn't want to be there. He was the best; it would have made me too sad.

The "girls live girls" (every one of them live) were great. Mostly they were housewives or students earning extra money. The porn stars were actors, professional actors - that pretty much says it all.

There were two reasons Bruce and I actually got married, rather than just lived together forever. 1) Is a story about his ex-wife that impacted their son. He was visiting one weekend – we went to a science fiction convention – and when we took him back to his mother's on Sunday evening, she had moved. It was a couple of weeks before she called. I know nothing about the events on the other end of this story. Anyway, we thought Mike would feel more secure if everything looked legal.

The other reason is AIDS. It was becoming a problem and ended my picking up men at conventions and stuff. So the coupling was so convenient for me that I feel creepy and I refuse to admit to myself that I could be that self centered. But I loved Bruce and would not have done it just for the monogamy.

In addition to two marriages, I had an extended affair with a friend and confidante and there was another man I loved who got a way. Perhaps for that very reason, I think of him as the one I loved most. --From: Always Surrender: Memories, observations, micro-stories, and lies from my life as an insurgent in the sexual revolution

Halloween Quote of the Week: There's no age limit on trick or treating. You can knock on my door with a martini and a smoldering Pall Mall in your old-looking hands and I'm gonna give you a Snickers. Happy Halloween --Submitted by 98%

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If history repeats itself, I'm so getting a dinosaur.

Today's Peace of History, October 7, 1989: From 40,000 to 150,000 people descended on Washington to lobby Congress and the Housing Secretary to provide affordable housing for the homeless.

I brewed my first batch of beer and entered it in a home-brewing contest. I got back a note that said, “Dear Lady, your horse has diabetes”. / I keep seeing spots in front of my eye. Have you seen a doctor? No, just spots.

..........But when he tried to find his job, he sure was out of luck.........Joe Hill …..Mr Block (It Looks To Me Like A Big Time Tonight)

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle October 7, 2022, Whimsied ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS

'Nother Peace of History, October 7, 1989: From 40,000 to 150,000 people descended on Washington to lobby Congress and Housing Secretary to provide affordable housing for the homeless.

Moonbeam: Your ordinary acts of love and hope point to the extraordinary promise that every human life is of inestimable value. --Desmond Tutu

Cost of War:

• As of 10/6/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $189,434,915,967.
• As of 9/29/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $188,881,017,214.
• As of 10/6/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,088,214,878,242
• As of 9/29/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,086,667,754,190.
• As of 10/6/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,117,472,531,650.
• As of 9/29/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,116,870,851,877.
• As of 10/6/22 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,674,211,746,691.
• As of 9/29/22 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,662,483,540,927.
• As of 10/6/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,985,922,763,504.
• As of 9/29/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,984,748,020,701.
• As of 10/6/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,055,259,645,686.
• As of 9/29/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,039,653,559,321.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Revolutions are always verbose. --Leon Trotsky

Famous Last Words: Good Luck to All of you. --Joe Hill My Last Will

..........There is pow'r, there is pow'r in a band of working men.........Joe Hill …..There Is Power In The Union (There Is Power In The Blood)

Dorothy got lost in Oz because she had three men giving her directions. / Doctor, you've got to help me, some mornings I wake up and think I'm Donald Duck, other mornings I think I'm Mickey Mouse. Sigh, another case of Disney spells.

May Peace cheer your heart

And Joy elate your soul

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: I had a joke here but gmail won't let me insert it. I removed Image of the Week because gmail wouldn't insert it today – although it let me insert both last night when I sent my practice letter. Shit.