mIsc. ePistle

 Famous First Words: AN ACT To authorize the Secretary of the Interior to issue certificates of citizenship to Indians... Indian Citizenship Act of 1924

June is World Roller Coaster Appreciation Month! Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert were riding a roller coaster at Disney World. Lauren turned to Marjorie and asked, “If we turn upside down, will we fall out?” Marjorie replied, “Of course note, We'll always be friends”. / What type of roller coaster goes through the Bronx? The type where people scream in the flat parts. --Jerry Seinfeld

..........Step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch...Again..........Chorus …..I Hope I Get It (A Chorus Line)

Separate waiting rooms, separate ticket windows, separate cars, nothing to eat at any lunch counter. Refused admission to churches, cemeteries and even parks. Parks and cemeteries are placarded “Negroes and dogs not admitted.” The effect of such proscription is most baneful as well as inconvenient. --Rev D A Graham from a sermon delivered on June 2, 1899 in Indianapolis

It is a cloudy, humid (65%) Friday morning. Warmth (77°F) makes the day muggy so that the world feels and kind of smells tropical. The sky is a calm azure with puffs and puffs strewn across it. There is a light breeze that keeps the willow dancing and the mulberry in motion but hardly moves the clouds. Now and again the sun peeks out from behind the clouds and brightens the day with direct light. Birds have finished their morning song and have moved on to other tasks; from time to time they zip silently by the window. The only sound is the hum of my computer...no birds, no dogs, no car motors. Puck is asleep on his pillow and refuses even to nod a “happy birthday” to Jeff (who's turning 42 today). I bring my coffee cup to my face and breathe in the steam. The aroma clears the nostrils and reminds me of that tart taste coming to my tongue. Ahh, good morning.

Hope your weekend shines like the sun, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm thrilled to announce that nothing is going on with me. --the New Yorker

You would think that the fastest ride at the park is the roller coaster, but really the carousel has all the horse power. / Anxiety is like a roller coaster...think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

..........Acting more like children than children.........Barbra Streisand …..People (Funny Girl)

Trivia Questions: Well a big Happy Birthday to Henry VIII !

• ^ How many and which of his wives did Henry divorce?
• ^^ How many and which of his wives did Henry have beheaded?
• ^^^ Which marriage lasted the longest?
• ^^^^ Which was the shortest?
• ^^^^^ Which wife survived Henry?

Big Hello: Chôm rab suôr – Khmer (Cambodia) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Don't judge a book by its movie. --Submitted by Heinlein Society

Image of the Week: As the sun rises in the morning I see this image on the side of the storage shed.

 It's the shadow of a satellite dish on the neighbor's roof. 

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: Life plus 70 is not only the length of copyright but how long a librarian must work to retire wealthy. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

June is National Zoo and Aquarium Month: Beware the octopus, she's always well armed. / I'd make another fish joke, but I'm trying to scale back.

..........Some people take me for a fool..........Roger Williams …..'Cause I Believe in Loving (Bananas)

Moonbeam: In order to know virtue, we must first acquaint ourselves with vice. --Marquis de Sade

Question of the Week: Why are clowns scary?

Puzzle of the Week: From Mike Reiss, who's a writer/producer for "The Simpsons." Name a place in Europe in nine letters. Swap the third and fourth letters, then the eighth and ninth letters. The result is two words describing what this place famously does. NPR Sunday Puzzle 5/28/23

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bigfoot saw me once, but nobody believes him. --Submitted by rc of ks

The alpha monkey on monkey island is always angry. In fact, they named Furious George. / Ah, that new zookeeper fed the polar bears ice berg-ers.

..........Makes me feel sad for the rest.........Carly Simon …..Nobody Does It Better (The Spy Who Loved Me)

^ Henry divorced 2: Catherine of Aragon and Anne of Cleves.

Almanac: It is Friday, June 2, 2023. The moon will be full (Strawberry) tomorrow (6/3) and is in Scorpio. It is Leave the Office Early Day, National Bubba Day, National Gun Violence Awareness Day, and Yell "Fudge" at the Cobras in North America Day. Because it is the first Friday in June it is also Doughnut Day which is also known as Donut Day.

Among those born on this day were Henry VIII (1491), Marquis de Sade (1740), St. Pius X (1835), Thomas Hardy (1840), Edward Elgar (1857), Hedda Hopper (1890), Michael Todd (1901), Johnny Weissmuller (1904), Sally Kellerman (1936), Constantine II (1940), Charlie Watts (1941), Stacy Keach (1941), Marvin Hamlisch (1944), Jerry Mathers (1948), and Dana Carvey (1955).

On June second Rome was sacked by Vandals (455), the fifth national black convention opened (NYC, 1835), Maine passed the first alcohol prohibition law (1851), Gibbs patented the chain-stitch single-thread sewing machine (1857), the comet Donati was recorded as being first seen (1858), in San Francisco ground was broken for the first cable railroad (1873), the "El" opened in Chicago (1883), Grover Cleveland married Frances Folsom (1886), the US observed a day of fasting to protest lynchings (1899), the US granted citizenship to Native Americans (1924), Lou Gehrig began his 2,130 consecutive game streak (1925), and Queen Elizabeth II was crowned (1953).

Night Sky, 6/2: After dark Mars shines inside the Beehive cluster, M44, near the central beehive-shaped asterism itself (which is currently tilted right). Use binocs or, better, a telescope. Mars is moving east across the cluster at about 90 arc-seconds per hour. Can you see its position change with respect to the stars in as little as a half hour. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: A philosophical discussion on the sharing of donuts. 

 https://www.openculture.com/2015/08/philosophy-explained-with-donuts.html

This Week: Saturday, June 3 – National Black Bear Day & National Play Outside Day & National Prairie Day

Sunday, June 4 – National Animal Rights Day & National Punk Day & National Trails Day

Night Sky, 6/4: Vega is the brightest star in the east-northeast after dark. Look 14° (about a fist and a half at arm's length) to Vega's upper left for Eltanin, the 2nd-magnitude nose of Draco the Dragon. Closer above and upper left of Eltanin are the three fainter stars forming the rest of Draco's stick-figure head, also called the Lozenge; the faintest of them is 4th magnitude. Draco always points his nose to Vega.

Monday, June 5 – Festival of Popular Delusions & Hot Air Balloon Day & National Moonshine Day & World Environment Day

Tuesday, June 6 – Theists Pride Day & Drive-in Movie Day & Yo-yo Day

Wednesday, June 7 – Bartender Day & World Caring Day & Boone Day

Night Sky, 6/7: Venus (magnitude –4.4, in Gemini) is the brilliant "Evening Star" in the west-northwest from twilight into late evening. It still shines high in the dusk, and it doesn't set until about 2 hours after dark.

Thursday, June 8 – Ghostbusters Day & National Best Friends Day & Upsy Daisy Day

June is National Rivers Month. Hipster Harry refused to swim in the river because it was too mainstream. / I went to the tv channel that said, “Live Stream”, but it was showing a parade, not a river.

..........One thrilling combination.........Chorus …..One (A Chorus Line)

^^ Henry beheaded 2 wives: Anne Boleyn (witchcraft, treason, and plotting assassination) and Kathryn Howard (infidelity)

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I love little cultural differences, like how Americans are super offended by the word cunt but here in Australia we're super offended by school children being slaughtered with automatic weapons. --Submitted by bh of ks

Moonbeam: The main object of religion is not to get a man into heaven, but to get heaven into him. --Thomas Hardy

Video of the Week: Dana Carvey as the Church Lady in Church Chat 11/15/86 (3:16) https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=599687227320541

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The next company to change their name? After much public demand, Starbucks is officially changing its name to Public Restroom. -Hari Kondabolu Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 5/27/23

The greatest affliction we have to suffer is the lack of trial by jury when accused of crime. Lynching of Negroes is growing to be a Southern pastime. When reproved for their barbarity they say, “The only way to stop lynching is to stop the crime which leads to lynching.” --Rev Graham ~~Today this task falls to the police who shoot black people dead for allegedly stealing a pack of cigarettes which must be a “lynching crime”.

Don't swim in the rivers of Paris; that would be In Seine. / Those little streams that run off the river in Cairo are called JuveNiles.

..........Brighter than a lucky penny.........Leslie Gore …..Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows

^^^ Henry VIIIs longest marriage was to Katherine of Aragon, daughter of King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain. Eight years before her marriage to Henry in 1509, Katherine was married to Henry's elder brother, Arthur, who died of sickness at just 15 years old.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Do you think I reference dinosaurs too much when I write?” I asked. She was silent, like the p in pterodactyl, but it said everything. --The English Teacher's Daughter

About the Font of the Week: I used to send out the ePistle in Times New Roman font. It's a good font, a workhorse of fonts, steady and faithful. Ah, but I wanted more...more excitement, more pizzazz. So I decided to change fonts. But I was told that the Comic Sans (used the last week or two) was hard to read on the phone. One person mentioned it and when I asked at Scrabble Monday, others agreed. I never read anything on my phone if I can help it because it is so small. So this font is Bahnschrift, ”a brand new digitization of the famous DIN 1451 character design standard”, in case you were wondering. I like its clean lines (and lack of pizzazz). It has been phone tested and approved.

Weird Word of the Week: Obnixely – earnestly, strenuously https://www.wordnik.com/words/obnixely

Dragon of the Week: Yuan Dynasty (1279-1368) Porcelain Dragon

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Line the inside of the crisper drawers. A sheet of Bounty Paper Towels not only absorbs moisture, keeping fruit and vegetables fresh longer, but the towels make the drawers easy to clean. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/bounty.html

June is Student Safety Month. In the US Student Safety itself is a joke. / The best part about summer vacation is three months with no school shootings..

...........My head says go and find the door..........Robert Klein …..Fallin' (They're Playing Our Song)

^^^^ Anne of Cleves' innocence and Henry's impatience, combined with his apparently intermittent impotence, meant the marriage was not consummated. Henry persisted for four nights before blaming Anne's unattractive physical appearance for his failure to 'do his duty'. The marriage was annulled after six months.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I heard Mars has no atmosphere. Could we create an atmosphere by dimming the lights and playing smooth jazz?

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: ConQuest 54 (2-4, Kansas City) The ConQuesT Dealers Room is a treasure trove of science fiction and fantasy merchandise! Open the general public, and shoppers don’t need a con badge. https://conquestkc.org/event/conquest-54/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Conference on NanoScience and Nanotechnology (1-2, Salalah, Oman) https://10times.com/ic-n-salalah

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Stromboli (the volcanic island off the coast of Sicily) → Storm and oil

In Texas the legislation is considering a bill that will automatically tattoo a bullseye on their back. / People in the US do make jokes about school shootings but we can't hear them over the gunfire.

..........But don't the public have a right to know.........Chorus …..Dirt (Sweet Smell of Success)

^^^^^ Catherine Parr was Queen of England and Ireland as the last of the six wives of King Henry VIII from their marriage on 12 July 1543 until Henry's death on 28 January 1547. Catherine was the final queen consort of the House of Tudor, and outlived Henry by a year and eight months

Quote of the Week: I want to see the writers strike because the writers, god bless them, are the only true commies we have in Hollywood. --Ned Beatty

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sometimes you just need to throw I in the cauldron and watch it burn. --Submitted by STC (Stirring the Cauldron)

Today's Peace of History, June 2, 1952: The U.S. Supreme court ruled President Truman's order two months earlier for the Army to seize the nation's steel mills in order to avert a strike during the Korean war as illegal.

June is International Surf Music Month: When The Beach Boys came on, the barber ran. / There should be more Beach Boy jokes...wouldn't it be nice.

..........Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind.........Barbra Streisand …..The Way We Were (The Way We Were)

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle June 2, 2023, mIsc ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Nobody is interested in sweetness and light. --Hedda hopper

Cost of War:

• As of 06/01/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $208,335,999,478.
• As of 05/25/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $207,790,249,357.
• As of 06/01/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,141,007,553,704.
• As of 05/25/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,139,483,258,671.
• As of 06/01/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,138,002,972,671.
• As of 05/25/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,137,410,215,336.
• As of 06/01/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,074,391,867,827.
• As of 05/25/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,062,838,123,356.
• As of 06/01/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,026,085,916,236.
• As of 05/25/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,024,848,655,576.
• As of 06/01/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,587,747,945,225.
• As of 05/25/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,572,372,374,138.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Many innocent men are thus hanged or burned alive just because American prejudice refuses them a trial by their peers. --Rev Graham

Famous Last Words: The things which I have here before promised, I will perform and keep. So help be God. --Oath of Elizabeth II at her coronation

..........And I want to remember.........Melissa Manchester …..Through The Eyes Of Love (Ice Castles) --all of today's songs were in my Marvin Hamlisch

June is Dairy Month: Farmer Fanny had a big herd of small cows that produced condensed milk. / Why did Cleopatra bathe in milk? She couldn't find a cow tall enough for a shower.

May Peace warm your heart

And Joy cool your jets

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

not so dRy ePistle

 Famous First Words: And now, particularly on account of these things... The Edict of Worms

93 years ago today, the Supreme Court voted against prohibition... Once, during prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. --W C Fields / Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can't tell me that's just a coincidence.

..........a drunkard's dream, if I ever did see one..........The Band with Levon Helm …..Up On Cripple Creek

Virtue can only flourish among equals. --Mary Wollstonecraft

It is a beautiful Friday morning. A 67°F temperature and a sky without a cloud set the mood. Breezes from the east gusting at 10 mph set the trees to dancing and the willow branches to a frenzy. Birds singly and in groups come and go – on the shed roof, on the mulberry bush, to the utility wires; they sing songs and make shadows across the yard. In the distance a dog barks lazily and does not get a response; Puck sleeps through it. There is a young bird settled onto a branch in the middle of the mulberry. She has not moved for quite a while and is so dappled by shadows of leaves that I am not sure of her species. Perhaps it's a game of hide and seek or a morning meditation or just waitin' for a friend. I sip my flavored coffee which has cooled considerably since I sat down. But it still smells chocolatey and tastes delicious...as delicious as this morning.

Hope your weekend is 180 proof, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I keep hitting the escape key...but I'm still here. --Submitted by PsyDe

Prohibition has made nothing but trouble. --Al Capone / There's a new Tom Cruise movie about making moonshine during prohibition. It's called Whiskey Business.

..........I'm feelin' mellow.........George Thorogood & the Destroyers …..One Scotch, One Bourbon, One Beer

Trivia Questions: Best of Luck to the O'Henry Pun-Off in Texas this weekend.

• ^ How would you define “pun”?
• ^^ What are the three basic pun types?
• ^^^ What makes a pun good?
• ^^^^ And where in the brain does the pun reside? No , seriously.
• ^^^^^ What is the O'Henry Pun-Off anyway?

Big Hello: Sälem – Kazakh https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Maturity is realizing how many things don't require your opinion. --Submitted by ma of va

Image of the Week: I went looking for a celebrity holding a Writers Guild on Strike sign. 

Here is a lot of neat copyrighted pictures of celebrities on the picket line: https://people.com/tv/rob-lowe-aidy-bryant-more-stars-support-wga-strike-2023/

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 16% of librarians are really just a cat in disguise. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

For every prohibition you create, you also create an underground. --Jello Biafra / Remember, both the French Revolution and Prohibition got rid of the Bourbon.

..........and one more for the road.........Etta James …..One For My Baby

Moonbeam: What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. --Nora Ephron

Question of the Week: How much effort does it take to achieve nothingness?

Puzzle of the Week: From Ed Pegg Jr., who runs the website mathpuzzle.com. Think of an animal in which the singular form of the female and the plural form of the male sound like synonyms. What animal is it? NPR Sunday Puzzle 5/20/23

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I told CHATGPT to write a sign and it sucked --Writers Guild on Strike

Prohibition didn't work in the Garden of Eden. Adam ate the apple. --Vicente Fox / From the Period: A man had a bottle in his back pocket. When he fell down, he heard something break and reached to find the back of his pants were wet. Before he looked to see what it was, he fervently prayed, “Let it be blood”.

..........a total stranger to myself.........Jeff Beck …..I've Been Drinking

^Pun definition: A play on words. By experimenting with the sounds and/or meanings of a word, the author of a pun uses language in a novel, surprising, and often humorous way. Another word for pun is “paronomasia,” a Greek word translated as “to call something by a slight change of name.” If two wanderers saw a really witty pun, then would a pair of nomads see a paronomasia?

Almanac: It is Friday, May 26, 2023. The moon will go into the first quarter tomorrow (5/27) and is in Leo. It is National Blueberry Cheesecake Day, and National Chardonnay Day. Because it is the Friday before Memorial Day, it is National Don't Fry Day and National Wig Out Day. Because it is the last Friday, it is also National Heat Awareness Day and National Title Track Day.

Among those born on this day were Pope Clement VII (Giulio de'Medici, 1478), Dirck Janszoon Sweelinck (1591), Mary Wortley Montagu (1689), Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin (1759), Alexander Pushkin (1799), Felipe Gutierrez y Espinoza (1825), Monroe Althouse (1853), A E Houseman (1859), Queen Mary (Great Britain/North Ireland, 1867), Isadora Duncan (1877), Al Jolson (Asa Yoelson, 1886), Gerard Bertouille (1898), Estes Kefauver (1903), John Wayne (Marion Morrison, 1907), Peter Cushing (1913), Jay Silverheels (1919), Peggy Lee (Norma Egstrom, 1920), James Arnesss (1923), Victor Herbert (1924), Miles Davis (1926), Levon Helm (1942), Stevie Nicks (Stephanie Lynn, 1948), Hank Williams Jr and Pam Grier (1949), Bobcat Goldthwait (1962), and Lenny Kravitz (1964).

On May twenty-sixth Otto II crowned king of Germany (961), Edict of Worms outlawed Lutherans (1521), Lewis and Clark saw their first Rocky Mountain (1805), Napoleon was crowned (1805), the Portuguese civil war ended (1834), Nicholas II was crowned (1896), the Archaeological Institute of America was founded (1906), Actors' Equity Association was formed (1913), Lenin suffered a stroke (1922), the Socialist Workers Youth International formed (Hamburg, 1923), Lebanon adopted its constitution (1926), the Supreme Court ruled against prohibition (1930), the Gold Gate Bridge opened (1937), a patent for the H-Bomb was filed (1946), The Freedom Ride Coordinating Committee was established (1961), the Apollo 10 astronauts returned to Earth (1969), SALT accords signed (1972), and Star Wars debuted (1977).

Night Sky, 5/26: The Moon, very nearly first quarter, shines in the Sickle of Leo after dusk. It's almost between the Sickle's two brightest stars: Regulus, lower left of the Moon, and fainter Gamma Leonis or Algieba, to the Moon's upper right. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes. --Dana Gould

This Week: Saturday, May 27 – Joe Cool Day & National Learn To Swim Day

Sunday, May 28 – Slugs Return From Capistrano Day & National Hamburger Day

Night Sky, 5/28: Have you ever seen Alpha Centauri? At declination –61° our brilliant, magnitude-zero neighbor is permanently out of sight if you're north of latitude 29°. But if you're at the latitude of San Antonio, Orlando, or points south, Alpha Cen skims just above your true southern horizon for a little while late these evenings. When does this happen? Just about when Alpha Librae, the lower-right of Libra's two brightest stars, is due south over your landscape. At that time, drop your gaze straight down from there.

Monday, May 29 – Memorial Day & National Alligator Day

Tuesday, May 30 – Mint Julep Day & National Marina Day & World MS Day

Wednesday, May 31 – National Smile Day & World No-Tobacco Day & World Otter Day

Night Sky, 5/31: Bright Capella sets low in the northwest fairly soon after dark these evenings (depending on your latitude). That leaves Vega and Arcturus as the brightest stars in the evening sky. Vega shines in the east-northeast. Arcturus is way up very high toward the south. A third of the way from Arcturus to Vega, look for semicircular Corona Borealis, the Northern Crown, with 2nd-magnitude Alphecca as its one moderately bright star. It's the jewel on the front of the tiara.

Thursday, June 1 - Heimlich Maneuver Day & National Go Barefoot Day & Say Something Nice Day & Oscar, The Grouch Day

Prohibition is better than no liquor at all. --Will Rogers / If drinking alcohol makes you alcoholic does drinking Fanta make you fantastic?

..........the carpet needs a haircut.........Tom Waits …..The Piano Has Been Drinking

^^ There are three basic categories of puns: those that play with sound, those that play with meaning, and those that play with both.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I may not be your cup of tea but I'm totally your 10^th shot of tequila.

Moonbeam: So long as little children are allowed to suffer, there is no true love in this world. --Isadora Duncan

Video of the Week: Three Drunken Maidens with Tim Hart & Maddy Prior (2:15) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W45HnwhDZB0

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The NYT, paper of record, the gray lady, they finally said out loud what we were all thinking, spring is just impossible to dress for. This is what we get for trusting a groundhog to tell us what to wear --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 5/20/23

The divine right of husbands, like the divine right of kings, may, it is hoped, in this enlightened age, be contested without danger. --Mary Wollstonecraft

Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into. --Don Marquis / I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost 3 days already.

..........Makes the spirit more willing.........Punch Brothers …..Rye Whiskey

^^^ A good pun should be appropriate for the audience and context, and not be offensive or hurtful.

Did Schrödinger have a closed casket funeral?

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I've been a woman for a little over 50 years and have gotten over my initial astonishment. --Nadia Boulanger ..on being asked how it felt to be a woman conductor.

Weird Word of the Week: Pyknic – a short and fat person. A body type associated with short, fat people. http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-pyc1.htm

Dragon of the Week: Dragon Decanter

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Fry Bacon. After frying bacon, drain the excess grease from the strips by placing them on a sheet of Bounty Paper Towels (or between two sheets), allowing the quicker-picker-upper to absorb the fat. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/bounty.html

I knew San Francisco when it was a wild place during Prohibition. There were more speakeasies than churches, and you could always get a drink. --Jackie Coogan / Raising children takes a village, preferably one with many vineyards.

...........Lord, I drink all night but the next day I still feel blue.........Janis Joplin …..What Good Can Drinkin' Do

^^^^ Although it can seem like punny people aren’t using their brains at all, it actually takes both the right and left hemispheres of the brain to tell a joke, researchsuggests. The left side, or the linguistic hemisphere, processes the basic language of the pun, and then the right side kicks in right after to reveal the surprise double-meaning — the punchline.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When I lived on the gulf of Mexico, the seasons were: Mosquito, Love bug, Horse fly, and Sand crab. --Mike Shimko --Submitted by FNOG

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Fargo CoreCon (25-28, Fargo NC) Portals to Fantastic Worlds... https://www.fargocorecon.org/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Energy & Environment Fair: (24-26, Istanbul) Our Energy market is now in the development and maturation phase after having made investments totaling 95 billion dollars, https://www.cantonfair.net/event/6185-international-energy-environment-fair-and-conference

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Deer (doe, bucks --> dough, bucks)

It is certainly accurate, as it has often been said and as his letters reveal, that Grandpa supplied his tenth college reunion with alcohol in 1922 at the height of Prohibition. --Jean Kennedy Smith / Friends bring happiness into your life. Best friends bring wine.

..........But ev'rything's cool 'cause they's just tight.........ZZ Top …..Beer Drinkers & Hell Raisers

^^^^^ The O. Henry Pun-Off World Championships is a yearly spoken word competition that has taken place every May since 1978 at the O. Henry Museum in Austin, Texas. A support group of former and current contestants was formed in 1990 to formalize the unwritten rules of the competition(s) and provide guidance and support for future events. It goes under the umbrella title of "Punsters United Nearly Yearly" (a.k.a. PUNY).

My Own Writing of the Week: Last week was the end of the second memoir and my own writing mostly. I'm not sure what to put here instead.

Quote of the Week: Never forget justice is what love looks like in public. --Cornel West

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Until a drag queen walks into a school and beats eight kids to death with a copy of “To Kill A Mocking Bird”, I think you're focusing on the wrong shit. --Wanda Sykes

Today's Peace of History, May 26, 1991: 20,000 Israeli Jews and Palestinians participated in a peace rally in Israel’s capital, Tel Aviv.

Stop trying to make everybody happy. You're not beer. / The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart

..........But I was never gonna be the same.........Frankie Valli …..Oh, What A Night

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle May 26, 2023, dRy ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: And malt does more than Milton can to justify God's way to man. --A E Housman

Cost of War:

• As of 05/25/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $207,790,249,357.
• As of 05/18/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $207,244,231,101.
• As of 05/25/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,139,483,258,671.
• As of 05/18/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,137,958,106,863.
• As of 05/25/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,137,410,215,336.
• As of 05/18/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,136,817,073,927.
• As of 05/25/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,062,838,123,356.
• As of 05/18/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,051,276,239,278.
• As of 05/25/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,024,848,655,576.
• As of 05/18/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,023,690,601,511.
• As of 05/25/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,572,372,374,138.
• As of 05/18/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,556,988,264,356.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

It is justice, not charity, that is wanting in the world. --Mary Wollstonecraft

Famous Last Words: ...to reduce the risk of outbreak of nuclear war. --SALT (II) Accords

..........you gotta thrill my soul, alright.........The Doors …..Roadhouse Blues

Here's to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life. – F Scott Fitzgerald / Alcohol is a perfect solvent: it dissolves marriages, families, and careers.

May Peace relax your mind

And Joy unwind your soul

prairie mama

christine

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pErused ePistle

 Famous First Words: The shipment or transportation, in any manner or by any means whatsoever... Webb Act of 1913 The Webb-Kenyon Act

It's Reading Is Fundamental Week (14-20)! I spent all day reading, it was bound to happen. / Reading, now there's a novel idea.

..........Just because we get around........The Who (Peter Townsend) …..My Generation

You show me a capitalist and I'll show you a bloodsucker. --Malcolm X

It is a very gray Friday morning with wind gusts whipping the willow branches. 66°F is pleasant enough but at the bottom of my computer screen it says “rain coming”. It has a cute umbrella icon perhaps to ward off the rather sinister “rain coming” that sounds like it's borrowed from campfire ghost stories. A gust of wind just blew willow branches into a frenzy and I'm bringing up the weather channel because I DO need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows. In this case it blows from the north. I hear birds, but I don't see any.* Puck's early morning nap snoring drowns out the bird. As the first drops grace my window, I get up to freshen my coffee and stretch before sitting and writing to you. What a beautiful morning.

*Diversion: This week our storage shed roof became a flight school for a family of sparrows. Mama was still feeding the little ones mouth to mouth. For a long time the little ones just walked around the roof stretching their feathers. Then they attempted to fly from roof edge to tree branch – maybe a foot. It wasn't very windy. Initial landings were awkward but successful. Several landings involved smashing into a parent. The next morning, they all gathered on the roof and flew off together and they haven't been back.

Hope your weekend earns a Pulitzer, dear hearts and gentle people

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Some people are wise; some people are otherwise. --Submitted by INRITH

I tried to read a book on gravity but it was too heavy. / I started reading this book on anti-gravity machines; I couldn't put it down.

..........Daddy never sleeps at night........The Who (Peter Townsend) …..Squeeze Box

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to the Postcard!

• ^ Do you have any idea what a “mailed card” refers to?
• ^^ How does a piece of mail qualify as a postcard?
• ^^^ When was the first US postcard patented?
• ^^^^ About how many postcards did the Post Office handle last year?
• ^^^^^ How much does it cost to mail a postcard these days.

Correction of the Week: I believe Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy's ancestors came from County Limerick' not her descendants; they came from Massachusetts with a little bit of leftover Limerick behind that. Not the other way around. Sorry and thanks to jb of ks

Big Hello: Hagare'enaam – Kawailsu (California) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I prefer my kale with a silent k. --Submitted by bc of tx

Image of the Week: The Exploratorium in San Francisco was free this Mother's Day. This is one of the giant inflatable sculptures exhibited there.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 60% of librarians can't go out tonight because their cat is sick. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

February can't March but April May. / Hope these reading puns tickle your spine.

..........Smile and grin at the change all around........The Who (Peter Townsend) …..Won't Get Fooled Again

Moonbeam: The first rule in opera is the first rule in life: see to everything yourself. --Nellie Melba

Question of the Week: What's next?

Puzzle of the Week: From listener Mark Isaak, of Sunnyvale, Calif. Think of part of the human body whose name is a compound word (like fingertip or toenail). Add an N and rearrange the result to get another part of the body whose name is also a compound word. What body parts are these? NPR Sunday Puzzle 5/14/23

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Prophecy Class has been canceled due to unforeseen circumstances. --Submitted by TETD

I love to sit in the sun with a good book; it makes me, well, red. / I spent the summer barefoot in the Park reading fantasy and it became a hobbit.

..........And freedom tastes of reality........The Who (Peter Townsend) …..I'm Free

^ Envelopes were produced with pictures on them, and some people speculate that postcards are the direct descendants of these picture envelopes.

Almanac: It is Friday, May 19, 2023. The moon is new today and is in Taurus. It is May Ray Day, National Asian & Pacific Islander HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, National Bike to Work Day, National Chocolate Chip Day, National Hepatitis Testing Day, National Scooter Day, and Peace Officers Memorial Day. Because it is the third Friday it is also International Virtual Assistants Day, NASCAR Day, National Bike to Work Day, National Defense Transportation Day, National Pizza Party Day, and the O'Henry Pun-Off.

Among those born on this day were Giovanni della Robbia (1469), Innocent XI (1611), John Hopkins (1795), Alice Mary Smith (1839), Nellie Melba (1859), Waldorf Astor (1879), Ho CHi Minh (1890), Pol Pot (1915), Florence Chadwick (1918), David McLean (1922), Malcolm X (Little, 1925), Harvey Cox (1929), James Lehrer (1934), Nora Ephron (1941), Peter Townshend (1945), Phillip Rudd (1946), Grace Jones (1948), Dusty Hill (1949), and Yazz (1963).

On May nineteenth, Elizabeth I arrested Mary Queen of Scots (1568), Massachusetts Bay, Plymouth, Connecticut, & Hew Harbor formed the United Colonies of New England (1643), the French Legion of Honor formed (1802), Mexico ceded Texas to the US (1848), the Ringling Brothers premiered their circus (1884), Rice Institute became Rice University (1891), the Post Office authorized the use of privately printed postcards (1898), the Webb Act outlawed Japanese ownership of land (1913), the first annual Frog Jumping Jubilee was held (1928), White women won suffrage in South Africa (1930), and Pinter's Birthday Party premiered (1958).

Night Sky, 5/19: Bright Vega is now nicely up in the east-northeast after dark. Look for its faint little constellation Lyra, the Lyre, hanging down from it with its bottom canted to the right. Lyra's stars form a little equilateral triangle (Vega is one corner) and a parallelogram attached to the triangle's bottom. AND New Moon (exact at 11:53 am EDT). http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. --Alice Walker ...cattails in winter

This Week: Saturday, May 20 – Morel Mushroom Day & National Rescue Dog Day & World Bee Day & World Fiddle Day

Sunday, May 21 – International Tea Day & Ride A Unicycle Day & World Day for Cultural Diversity

Night Sky, 5/21: This is the time of year when Leo the Lion starts walking downward toward the west right after dark, on his way to departing into the sunset in early summer. After nightfall, spot the brightest star fairly high in the west-southwest. That's Regulus, his forefoot. Regulus is also the bottom of the Sickle of Leo: a backward question mark about a fist and a half tall that outlines the lion's leading foot, chest, and mane.

Monday, May 22 – Harvey Milk Day & Sherlock Holmes Day & World Goth Day

Tuesday, May 23 – National Best Friend-in-Law Day & World Turtle Day

Wednesday, May 24 – Brother's Day & Morse Code Day

Night Sky, 5/24: Venus (passing Pollux and Castor in Gemini) is the brilliant "Evening Star" in the west from twilight through late evening. This month it shines about as high in the dusk as it ever gets. It doesn't set until a good 2½ hours after dark. In a telescope Venus is a dazzling little gibbous globe, 60% sunlit and 19 arc seconds in diameter. It's enlarging a little more every day while waning in phase. It'll be 50% lit in late May and will become a bigger, dramatically thinning crescent dropping low from mid-June through mid-July.

Thursday, May 25 – Cookie Monster's Birthday & National Tap Dance Day & Towel Day

I just finished a book on the ford Edsel with lots of details; it's an auto biography. / Escalator Literature: A step by step guide to reaching new levels.

..........I wanna drive my bus to my baby each day........The Who (Peter Townsend) …..Magic Bus

^^ To qualify as a postcard, a mail piece must be rectangular and meet these dimensions: At least 3-1/2” high X 5” long X 0.007” thick. No more than 4-1/4” high X 6” long X 0.016” thick, have finished corners that do not exceed a radius of 0.125”

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Do something with your life that will piss off a mediocre white man. --aeb of ??

Moonbeam: Never marry a man you wouldn't want to be divorced from. --Nora Ephron

Video of the Week: Katherine Hepburn as Mary Queen of Scots Long Address (3:53)

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: I wear a thick cottony high waisted brief...one of the things that's good about it is that it's big enough that if the plane goes down and, say, I survived and we're on a mountaintop or in the wilderness, my underwear is large enough that I can actually make a pup tent out of it. --Paul Poundstone Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 5/13/23

There is no more apartheid in South Africa than in the United States. --Malcolm X

I like to go into the woods and sit in the shade and read poet-tree. / The good witch couldn't read the spell book because it was written in curs-ive.

..........got such a supple wrist........The Who (Peter Townsend) …..Pinball Wizard

^^^ In 1861 the US Congress passed an act that allowed privately printed cards, weighing one ounce or under, to be sent in the mail. That same year John P. Charlton (other places seen as Carlton) copyrighted the first postcard in America.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Having kids makes you realize how dumb your lies used to sound to your parents.. --jm of ks

Weird Word of the Week: Fernweh – (n) wanderlust; an ache for distant places or a strong desire to travel. Germanic https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Fernweh

Dragon of the Week: Dragon from Templo Wat Karon in Thailand

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Store meats, chicken**, or fish in the freezer. Before wrapping meats, chicken**, or fish for the freezer, use a sheet of Bounty Paper Towel to pat dry any moist surfaces. **If chicken isn't “meat”, what is it? https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/bounty.html

Better read than dead. / I'm reading a book of magic spells. It was fact checked by the Hazel's Spell Check App.

...........I know that you have 'cause there's magic in my eyes........The Who (Peter Townsend) …..I Can See For Miles

^^^^ In 2022 413,159,000 postcards and stamped cards were mailed in the US.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Do regular dogs see police dogs and think “Oh, no, it's a cop?” --Submitted by INRITH

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Fantasy Basel 2023 (18-20, Basel, Switzerland) .The most beautiful and versatile Comic Con in the universe https://fantasybasel.ch/en

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Habitat Expo 2023 (18-20, Mexico City, Mexico) Allies with a strategic purpose. https://www.cantonfair.net/event/5047-habitat-expo

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Eardrum → Underarm

Our music teacher told us to read band books. / Writing about time travel means you have to think outside the clocks.

..........I felt a little like a dying clown........The Who (Peter Townsend) …..Who Are You

^^^^^ The price of the postcard stamp rose from 40¢ to 44¢ in July 2022.

My Own Writing of the Week: I had two husbands but for the 20 years in-between I had no live-in lovers. My own creaming in my own time and under my own control was too important to me to share all my time with someone who thought it was their job to get me off. This did not prevent me from having a number of delightful affairs before, between, and after marriage. (And in my hippie, open, first marriage, during marriage.) I believe sex with other people was enhanced by my experience and knowledge of my own cunt.

I gave it up when I got married, for a while, at least. Vaguely, I felt that it would make me unfaithful, in some way that I could not have defined then and would have even less success defining today. I gave up the notion when I realized how little sex there actually is in marriage – at the time, it was the only respectable sex one was allowed and then, turns out, it wasn't much at all. I did not give it up for the second husband. I probably would have done it in front of him, if he had ever thought to ask.

The other promise I make to you and to myself is that I will not wallow in regret. There were men...and women too, for that matter...that I wanted and didn't have. If the memories aren't pleasant, forget 'em. The ones that worked made up a lifetime of love and was sufficient wherever the enough line fell.

I do not promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. The whole truth would include way too much boring stuff. I am writing from memory. Memory has its own notions of truth. When I broke up with my first, we both swore that the green corduroy shirt had belonged to us before we were together. Truth is susceptible to corrosion when it sits too long in memory. And memory rewrites truth to improve the image to the ego; it rewrites it when we sleep and dream, when we feel inadequate or guilty. The stories I've written, I remember as the truth with perhaps better dialogue. A few are exaggerated for the sake of humor or skewed to protect the innocent. Probably a few are way off base due to memory tricks or years of wishful thinking.

I began this writing out of a winter meditation. I believe that nature's longest -dark tea time of the soul- night is a night to look into your dark side, get out all the stuff one has stuck in their subconscious all year because they didn't want to look at it. Empty your head, throw that stuff away and let the dark bubble up and out and flow off into the long night and be gone. One year when I did that, all these stories came to mind. I had not stored them as ego trash; but I had not sat down and remembered them, one by one, for decades and they poured out of my mind into my fingers and onto the pages.

From Always Surrender by Christine Smith

Quote of the Week: I have great faith in the intelligence of the American viewer and reader to put two and two together and come up with four. --Jim Lehrer

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Live so that if your life were turned into a book, Florida would ban it.

Today's Peace of History, History, May 19, 1952: Playwright and activist Lillian Hellman advised the U.S. House Committee on Un-American Activities (HUAC) that she refused to testify against friends and associates, saying, “I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.”

I read that new psychology book and now I'm feeling forever Jung/ The new bar owner is a big reader; that's why the signature drink is Tequila Mockingbird.

..........I lovingly mock you noble lords........The Who (Peter Townsend) …..A Man In A Purple Dress

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, May 19, 2023, pErused ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Summer bachelors, like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be. --Nora Ephron

Cost of War:

• As of 05/18/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $207,244,231,101.
• As of 05/11/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $206,679,367,513.
• As of 05/18/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,137,958,106,863.
• As of 05/11/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,136,380,395,167.

• As of 05/18/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,136,817,073,927.
• As of 05/11/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,136,203,516,561.
• As of 05/18/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,051,276,239,278.
• As of 05/11/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,039,316,785,493.

• As of 05/18/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,023,690,601,511.
• As of 05/11/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,022,492,714,863.
• As of 05/18/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,556,988,264,356.
• As of 05/11/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,541,074,632,744.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

America is the first country...that can actually have a bloodless revolution. --Malcolm X

Famous Last Words: I know I was. --Harold Pinter The Birthday Party

..........Forgive me one more time........The Who (Peter Townsend) …..I Can't Explain

I'd love to hang out but my weekend is fully booked. / Metaphors be with you.

May Peace define your narrative

And Joy inform your plot

prairie mama

christine

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