Friday, September 13, 2019

Faulty ePistle


Famous First Words: There is nothing wrong with your television set. --Outer Limits introduction
Because it is the first Friday the 13th of 2019, it is Blame Someone Else Day. I blame Mother Earth for all these earthquakes. It always her fault. --Steve Ensley / There is no argument that video gaming is an extremely effective training tool. These young minds will be indoctrinated to homosexual relationships as normal lifestyles with homosexual characters being portrayed as heroes in warfare and in romantic situations. / We're not getting the job done; and I'm not going to blame myself. I'll be honest: They are not getting the job done. --Donald Drumpf
..........But it really doesn't matter........Mel Torme …..Isn't It A Lovely Day
Every human being, of whatever origin, of whatever station, deserves respect. We must each respect others even as we respect ourselves. --U Thant
It is a moist Friday morning. Dew covers everything and 63°F is perfect for walking. The world is green and smells of foliage and damp cement. The sky is a beautiful blue scattered with clouds and jet trails not moving across the sky. Even the willow branches are still. Puck avoids the wet grass and trots first on the sidewalk and then in the street sniffing every object in his path. He barks up the tree across the street even though there is no evidence of squirrels and he barks at a noise he hears but cannot locate. Birds are out in flocks; small ones are busy discussing the morning and large ones are flying silently high overhead. Puck stops to drink from the puddle made where a driveway meets the street and then walk on. Ah, but this is a dead end road and eventually we find ourselves at our own driveway...journeys often end where they began, I guess. And now I sit with sweetened decaf and sweetened bread and I get to write to you. What a lucky Friday the 13th.
Hope yours is the luckiest weekend this year, ePistliers.
When your ass is to blame...asphalt.
..........love those sprayed on trousers.........Nell Carter …..White Boys
Trivia Questions: A big Happy Birthday to Hadrian's Wall !!
^ Know where it is?
^^ About who build it or when?
^^^ Besides wall, what else was built there?
^^^^ What international honor does the wall enjoy?
^^^^^ Lengthwise how does Hadrian's Wall compare to other famous/infamous walls?
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Everybody's been talking about your paranoia.
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week2: I'm not sure where you learned to whisper, but I 'm guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by chainsaws. --Submitted by cmr of ks
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: Administrators decide a new librarian's starting salary by squaring their most recent bowling score. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
I blame my weight gain on my roommate. Every time it's his turn to cook, I eat out. / Mental illness and hatred pulls the trigger, not the gun. --Donald Drumpf
..........Hey, everybody, let's have some fun.........Ray Charles …..Let The Good Time Roll
Moonbeam: Havana, Cuba, in which city yellow fever had not failed to make its yearly appearance during the past one hundred and forty years... Havana was freed from yellow fever within ninety days. --Walter Reed
Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: Hurricane as seen from orbit

Big Hello: Tālofa – Tokelauan (Polynesia & New Zealand) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I have multiple favorite songs and I love them equally because I'm polyjamorous. --Submitted by ar of ks
Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week2: Adderall – Meth but for children
Week of the Week: International Housekeepers Week (8-14) --Prince's housekeeper of 20 years was offered a job as a crime scene investigator because of experience dusting for prince. / A silicon valley millionaire woke up in the morning and found that her Mexican housekeepers were gone. She asked her gardener where they went. Sven replied that Steve Jobs showed up earlier and offered them the same work at his mansion for double their previous wage. The millionaire became furious. "Damned Jobs, coming here and taking our immigrants!"
My dad didn't love me as a child, but I don't really blame him. I wasn't born until he was an adult. / Gay people exist because pregnant women have anal sex in a shocking statement. --Bishop Neophytos Masouras of Morphou
..........You're much sweeter, goodness knows.........Nell Carter …..Honeysuckle Rose
^ This is the “answer” to where is it: The original structure stretched more than 70 miles across the northern English countryside from the River Tyne near the city of Newcastle and the North Sea, west to the Irish Sea. However, a little research came up with about 100 miles southeast of Edinburgh.
Almanac: It is Friday, September 13, 2019. The moon will be full (Harvest) just before midnight tonight and is in Pisces. It is Defy Superstition Day, Blame Someone Else Day, International Chocolate Day, Kids Take Over the Kitchen Day, National Celiac Awareness Day, National Peanut Day, Roald Dahl Day, and Stand Up to Cancer Day. In Pennsylvania it is John Barry Day (1803). Rhodesia celebrates Pioneer Day (1923) and worldwide it is Dante Alighieri Day. Because it is the second Friday is it also Fisherman's Walk Day in Scotland.
Among those born on this day were Grigory Potemkin (1739), Walter Reed (1851), John J. Pershing (1860), Sherwood Anderson (1876), Roald Dahl (1916), Ray Charles (1918), Mel Torme (1925), Barbara Bain (1931), Judith Martin (1938), Jacqueline Bisset (1944), and Nell Carter (1948).
On September thirteenth work began on Hadrian's Wall (122), New York City became the capital of the nation (1788), Margaret Chase Smith became the first woman to serve in both houses of Congress (1948), the LPGA formed (1949), The Outer Limits premiered (1963), and for the first time Today was broadcast totally in color (1965).
Night Sky, 9/13: The Moon rises in the east shortly after sunset for North America, a lovely sight as twilight descends. After dark, look upper left of the Moon for the Great Square of Pegasus balancing on one corner (outside the frame above). The Square is made of 2nd- and 3rd-magnitude stars. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max Picture of the Week: Max celebrates making it through year one.

This Week: Saturday, September 14 – National Hollerin' Day & National Iguana Awareness Day
Sunday, September 15 – Greenpeace Day & International Day of Democracy & Tackle Kids Cancer Day
Night Sky, 9/15: Arcturus, the "Spring Star," shines a little lower in the west after dark each week. From Arcturus, the narrow kite-shaped pattern of Bootes extends 24° to the upper right.
Monday, September 16 – National Tattoo Story Day & Step Family Day & National Guacamole Day
Tuesday, September 17 – Citizenship Day & National Professional House Cleaners Day
Night Sky, 9/15: Mercury,Venus, and Mars are out of sight behind the glare of the Sun.
Wednesday, September 18 – National Respect Day & Hug A Greeting Card Writer Day
Thursday, September 19 – National Ask An Atheist Day & Talk Like A Pirate Day & National PawPaw Day**
**Lawrence has ripe PawPaw at the Lawrence Community Orchard, 800 Garfield St, 66044. And here is a YouTube of Picking Up PawPaws – a song our mother sang frequently and loudly. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnpLS5PNZpw
How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they prefer to sit in the dark and blame liberals. / Fake News has contributed greatly to the anger and rage that has built up over many years. --Donald Dumpf
..........Somewhere there's music, it's where you are..........Mel Torme ….How High The Moon
^^ Hadrian’s Wall is the remains of stone fortifications built by the Roman Empire following its conquest of Britain in the second century CE. Hadrian came to power in 117 CE.
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I googled my symptoms turned out I just need “a new president”. --Submitted by pj of ks
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week2: The First Rule of Passive Aggressive Club is...you know what, never mind. It's fine. --Submitted by am of va
Moonbeam: We shall remain American and go into battle with Old Glory over our heads. I will not parcel out American boys. --John J Pershing
Late Night Snacks of the Week: Filibuster: There is nothing about a 60-vote threshold for legislation in the constitution, nothing about it in the Federalist Papers, nothing in Jefferson’s private letters, and nothing skillfully rapped by Alexander Hamilton to the delight of everyone within earshot. The first filibuster wasn’t used until 1837, and therefore it was categorically not part of the founders’ original vision. It’s like claiming the day Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he also sent the first dick pic. --John Oliver / Meanwhile, Drumpf has been taking heat for charges of corruption, since Pence and members of the US military have recently stayed at Drumpf properties in Europe. People say that as commander-in-chief, Drumpf is self-dealing to his own businesses. Drumpf’s defense: “Yeah, but I’m rich.” --Stephen Colbert / It’s another Monday in the Drumpf era, which means we all awoke to another fever dream of cruelty, stupidity and corruption. In the past few days, the president has: launched a “deranged” attack on John Legend and Chrissy Teigen on Twitter, come under House investigation for the military’s use of Drumpf property in Scotland, announced and scrapped a secret meeting with the Taliban at Camp David that upended months of peace talks, and mocked the former South Carolina governor Mark Sanford for once having an Argentinian mistress. Or, as Drumpf phrased it on Twitter, Sanford “was found in Argentina with his Flaming Dancer friend”. Now we think he meant to type Flamingo Dancer, which also would have been wrong, because it’s Flamenco Dancer, which also would’ve been wrong, because there’s no evidence that Sanford’s former mistress had ever been a flamenco dancer. It’s like a seven-layer dip of presidential insanity. --Seth Meyers / The prospects for the Amazon seem dire – a situation calling for an unlikely hero: Donald Drumpf. We need to get the president to pull out that magic Sharpie of his, and we need to get him to send that hurricane down from Alabama all the way to Brazil to fan out the flames. Come on, Mr Drumpf, use your power for good! --Trevor Noah
Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: I'm Tom Papa, and I'm filling in for Peter Segal, who is currently volunteering with storm cleanup in Alabama. Have you ever smoked weed and thought, am I doing this right? Am I being polite? Am I peeing my pants, and do all my friends hate me? Well, pick up the new marijuana manners handbook called "Higher Etiquette." It covers how to behave in dispensaries, how to label the weed you provide for guests and when to use your salad joint and when to use your dessert joint. --Tom Papa Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me 9/7
Wars being in the minds of men, and in those minds, love and compassion would have built the defenses of peace. --U Thant
I'm terrified of bats, but I blame my childhood for that. My dad often took a swing at me. / To err is human. To blame someone else is politics. --Hubert H Humphrey
..........We all must do our share.........Nell Carter …..Cash For Your Trash
^^^ Historians believe the original plan was to build a wall of stone or turf, fronted by a wide, deep ditch. It would feature a guarded gate every mile, with two observation towers in between each gate. Ultimately, 14 forts were added to the wall, and were augmented by an “earthwork” known as the Vallum to the south. It is essentially a large mound designed to serve as another defensive bulwark. Of all of these structures, only a portion of the original wall and the Vallum remain.
Worthless Fact of the Week: The LPGA was founded by a group of 13 golfers: Alice Bauer, Patty Berg, Bettye Danoff, Helen Dettweiler, Marlene Bauer Hagge, Helen Hicks, Opal Hill, Betty Jameson, Sally Sessions, Marilynn Smith, Shirley Spork, Louise Suggs, and Babe Zaharias.
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I'm not used to consuming wine in pill form.
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week2: I have to admit that I did not have “secretly invite the Taliban to Camp David 3 days before 9/11” on my Donald Trump Batshittery Bingo Card. --Jeff Teidrich
Weird Word of the Week: Honorificabilitudinitatibus “We are in the arena of sesquipedalian words — those a foot and a half long, whose prime characteristic is their length rather than their sense or value. Honorificabilitudinitatibus may be rendered more succinctly as “of honour”. Any word used by James Joyce (in Ulysses) and William Shakespeare (in Love’s Labour Lost) can’t be entirely dismissed from the canon of English. http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-hon1.htm
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Break in a new baseball mitt. Rub a few drops of Wesson Vegetable Oil into the palm of the glove, place a baseball in the glove, fold the mitt around it, and secure with rubber bands. Tuck the mitt under a mattress and leave overnight. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wesson.html
It's true that only a bad chef blames his tools, but you try filleting a fish with a spoon. / Now let's hear from Legal Revision, who will explain how the results of my decisions aren't my fault. --Wiley Miller
...........I never saw rainbows in my wine.........Mel Torme …..I'm Beginning To See The Light
^^^^ Hadrian's Wall is a UNESCO World Heritage Site. It is a striking example of the organisation of a military zone and illustrates the defensive techniques and geopolitical strategies of ancient Rome. Now, it's part of a much larger and more ambitious Site: the Frontiers of the Roman Empire (FRE), a ‘transnational’ Site: the result of the German Limes being added in 2005, and the Antonine Wall (between the Forth and the Clyde, in Scotland) in 2008.
Capitalist Meme of the Week: Nestle: Turns Water Into Capitalism.
Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Grant me the courage to change the things I can, and a Sharpie to change the rest. --Submitted by ma of va
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week2:
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: ScareFest Horror & Paranormal Con (12-15, Lexington, KY) Axes, Brews and Booze with the stars https://thescarefest.com/
Actual Science Convention of the Week: 10th Euro-Mediterranean Symposium of Laser=Induced Breakdown Spectroscopy (8-13, Brno, Czech Republic) promising technique for analysis and characterization of the composition of a broad variety of objects of cultural heritage including painted artworks, icons, polychromes, pottery, sculpture, and metal, glass, and stone artifacts. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00216-006-0908-1
Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck charming the socks off a client in the case of the tedious tabby

As a mom, it breaks my heart to see how quickly my children blame someone else. They get it from their father. / Fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face. --Gen J D Ripper
..........I'm happy on the shelf........Nell Carter …..Ain't Misbehavin'
^^^^^ Great Wall of China - 13,170 miles / Donald's Taj MaWall – 1,969 / Berlin Wall - 124 miles / Great Wall of Gorgon - 121 miles / Hadrian's Wall - 70-80 miles
Month of the Week: September is International Square Dancing Month -Hipsters hate Square dancing. / How many square dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb? * - Square dancers do everything in groups of 8.
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie. --Submitted by msh of bc
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week-1: There are almost 5,000 gods being worshiped by humanity. But don't worry, only yours is right. --Submitted by sb of ar
Grammar Joke of the Week: A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian orgin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.
Today's Peace of History, September 13, 1982: The European Parliament voted to phase out promotion and advertising of war toys throughout the 25 countries of the European Union (formerly European Economic Community).
I blame gravity for my low grades in school; it was always pulling me down. / You can't blames things for being dark if the light bulbs aren't working. --Tony Evans
..........I wanna happy ending.........Nell Carter …..Gimme A Break
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle September 13, 2019, Faulty ePistle. Laughs, Love, and a clear conscience. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam: I am a lover and have not found my thing to love. --Sherwood Anderson
Cost of War: As of 9/13/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,958,036,064,960.
As of 9/06/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,956,048,895,515.
As of 9/13/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $919,626,375,431.
As of 9/06/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $918,276,067,458.
As of 9/13/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $705,758,786,899.
As of 9/06/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $704,061,445,914.
As of 9/13/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $316,036,066,043.
As of 9/06/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $315,650,352,411.
As of 9/13/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,899,458,089,717.
As of 9/06/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,894,037,751,400.
The war we have to wage today has only one goal and that is to make the world safe for diversity. --U Thant
..........It's all over now......... Ray Charles …..I'm Movin' On
Blaming all stringrays for Steve Irwin's death is a clear example of Ray-cism. / I don't believe Hurricane Harvey is God's punishment for Houston electing a lesbian mayor. But that is more credible than 'climate change' --Ann Coulter
Famous Last Words: Those who don't believe in magic will never find it. --Roald Dahl Minpins
May Peace soak up your guilt
And Joy blot out your fault
prairie mama
christine


Last Laugh:


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Friday, September 6, 2019

Feline ePistle


Famous First Words: Empowering the World to Defeat Hunger...Global FoodBanking Networking
September is Happy Cat Month! Purranoia – the fear that the cat is is up something. / The wisdom of Mehitable the Cat by Don Marquis: When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him, Whose?
..........I look at the world and I notice it's turning.........While My Guitar Gently Weeps …..The Beatles with Eric Clapton
Friendship needs no words – it is solitude delivered from the anguish of loneliness. --Dag Hammarskjold
It is a lovely (73°F) Friday morning. The sky shows no trace of cloud or jet trail. Even the birds are absent; yet their song joins the cicadas and a lone cricket in singing matins. Puck funks it up by barking at children coming out of houses and making their way to school. Everything is so green for early September; there are even lawns that need to be mowed and a hint of cut grass catches the light breeze now and then. Puck stops before we reach the cul-de-sac and suggests we turn back home. He may feel he should be herding the children off the block. So I return to my coffee and computer. Puck is sleeping under my desk and I am sipping decaf, smiling, and writing to you. As good as it gets
Hope you have a purrfect weekend, ePistliers.
My cat is so old I took her with me to an antique auction and 6 people bid on her. / The wisdom of Mehitable the Cat by Don Marquis: Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
..........looking for release from limitation.........Sour Milk Sea …..Jackie Lomax with Eric Clapton and George Harrison
Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday, Elsie, Queen of Evaporated Milk
^ What constitutes “evaporated” milk anyway?
^^ Any clue, how much whole milk it takes to produce a pound of evaporated milk? ~~Because I always measure milk by the pound, myself.
^^^ Know who first evaporated milk for commercial use?
^^^^ So, what then is “condensed” milk?
^^^^^ How or when is evaporated milk preferred to regular milk?
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Someone has coined a new word for Trump's Twitter rampages...Donorrhea. --Seniors for a Democratic Society
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 90% of librarians have a favorite book they'll tell you and a real favorite book they won't tell you. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
I found a birthday gift for my Siamese in the catalog. / The wisdom of Mehitable the Cat by Don Marquis: Publishing a book of poetry is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.
..........Don't you notice how the wheel goes 'round.........Badge …..Cream with George Harrison
Moonbeam: He may be president, but he still comes home and swipes my socks. –Joseph P Kennedy
Naturally occurring Mandala of the Week: Campestris

Big Hello: selam – Tigrinya (east Africa) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: On the beach and in the sea, animals do not leave trash; humans do. Please, behave like animals. --Sign on the beach --Submitted by eg of mt
Week of the Week: National Waffle Week (1-7) – Waffles: Pancakes with Abs / Pancakes with Syrup Traps
Felix was a cathletic. One day he jumped the fence in a mighty swish and was gone. Furtunately he returned the next day with purrty furend. / The wisdom of Mehitable the Cat by Don Marquis: A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
..........learn how to help each one another..........That's The Way God Planned It …..Billy Preston with Eric Clapton and George Harrison
^ An unsweetened, canned milk, evaporated milk is fresh homogenized milk with 60% of its water removed by evaporation. It contains 7.9% milk fat.
Almanac: It is Friday, September 6, 2019. The moon is first quarter this evening and is in Sagittarius. It is Fight Procrastination Day and National Lazy Mom Day. Because it is the first Friday in September it is also Bring Your Manners To Work Day, National Food Bank Day, and Stand Up to Cancer Day. In Swaziland it is Somhlolo Day aka Independence Day (1968).
Among those born on this day were Heinrich M. Muhlenbert (1711), Marquis de Lafayette (1757), Alexander Tilloch Galt (1817), Joseph P. Kennedy (1888), Jo Anne Worley (1937), Swoosie Kurtz (1944), and Jane Curtin (1947).
On September sixth the pilgrims set sail (1620), the first lighthouse in north America was built (Boston, 1716), the National Black Convention opened (1848), Carnation processed its first can of evaporated milk (1899), Eric Clapton played on the Beatle's "While My Guitar Gently Weeps", and Begin and Sadat met at Camp David (1978).
Night Sky, 9/6: The two brightest stars (not planets) of September evenings are Vega high overhead and Arcturus in the west, both magnitude 0. Draw a line from Vega down to Arcturus. A third of the way down you cross the dim Keystone of Hercules. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max Picture of the Week: Max auditioning for The Dark Knight

This Week: Saturday, September 7 – Grandma Moses Day & Neither Snow Nor Rain Day & National Tailgating Day
Night Sky, 9/6: Look left of the gibbous Moon at dusk for Saturn. Below the Moon, can you piece out the Sagittarius Teapot?
Sunday, September 8 – International Literacy Day & Pet Rock Day & Pardon Day
Monday, September 9 – International Buy A Priest A Beer Day
Night Sky: Northern Lights Forecast: https://www.swpc.noaa.gov/products/aurora-3-day-forecast
Tuesday, September 10 – Swap Ideas Day & World Suicide Prevention Day
Night Sky, 9/6: The Southern Taurids are the long-lasting meteor shower that reaches a barely noticeable maximum on 10/10. The shower is active for more than two months but rarely produces more than five shower members per hour, even at maximum activity. The Taurids are rich in fireballs and are often responsible for increased number of fireball reports from September through November.
Wednesday, September 11 – Remember Freedom Day & Libraries Remember Day
Thursday, September 12 – National Day of Encouragement & National Police Woman's Day & Video Games Day
My cat loves long walks, especially when I taken them without him. / The wisdom of Mehitable the Cat by Don Marquis: An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe it.
The difference between Greenland and Moscow Mitch is that Greenland isn't for sale.
..........the temperature's rising, the fever is high.........Cold Turkey …..Plastic Ono Band with Eric Clapton and Ringo Starr
^^ It takes about 2.1 pounds of whole milk to make 1 pound of evaporated milk.
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The guy who invented constellations was like “see those 4 stars? That's a bear” and everyone else was just too busy trying to not die from the plague to fight him on it.
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week2: It's 97 degrees outside keep your pumpkin spice away from my margarita. --RHWO
Moonbeam: More men die of jealousy than of cancer. --Joseph P Kennedy
Late Night Snacks of the Week: It’s not that the president wasn’t aware of the storm, Drumpf tweeted 122 times about it over the weekend. It’s just that he had no idea what he was talking about; at one point, he even tweeted that Alabama should brace for landfall. The National Weather Service then tweeted a correction, since Alabama was not near the storm’s predicted path. You know things are bad when the National Weather Service has to factcheck the president. --Stephen Colbert / I know we’re used to it by now, but it still amazes me how often the government has to tell you not to pay attention to the president. Drumpf is like your friend who you’re driving home from a wisdom teeth surgery. He’s all drugged up, yelling crazy shit out the next window like: ‘There’s a dragon in the next car!'. --Trevor Noah / What other correction is the government going to have to put out as Drumpf’s brain continues to deteriorate? We’re like a week away from the justice department tweeting: ‘Contrary to the president’s tweet, the Joker is NOT a threat, he’s a character in a movie played by Joaquin Phoenix. There is no evacuation of Gotham under way nor is Gotham a real place.’ --Seth Meyers / Nancy Pelosi today said canceling the military construction projects they’ll now have to cut is going to undermine our national security and the quality of life of our troops, which may be true. But on the other hand, now we’ll have a wall. His Taj Ma-wall. --Jimmy Kimmel
Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: ...what the president got really excited about was next year's meeting, which the US is hosting. And it turns out, after a nationwide search of possible venues, amazingly, the best possible choice is a Trump hotel - specifically the Miami Trump Doral golf resort. And among its many advantages, said the president - in addition to having no bedbugs, it has, quote, "lots of parking," unquote. Do not laugh. This is very important to international summitry. --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me 8/31/19
Never, for the sake of peace and quiet, deny your own experience or convictions. --Dag Hammarskjold
My cat came home last night all scratched up and ragged. She had even lost her tail. Furtunately, we live near a retail store. / The wisdom of Mehitable the Cat by Don Marquis: The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race.
..........Almighty TV plugged, my brid empty brain......The Art of Dying …..Gojira with Eric Clapton and George Harrison
^^^ Gail Borden was a surveyor, inventor, and businessman. After several failed attempts, he finally developed a method to make condensed milk.
Worthless Fact of the Week: Before Jo Anne Worley graced the cast of Laugh-In, she played Myrtle Tarantino on The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The good news is KC is having a “Senior Expo” the bad news is it's being held at the Longview Funeral Home and Cemetery. https://www.facebook.com/events/2351973895019006/
Weird Word of the Week: Gafiate – acronym GAFIA – Getting Away From It All “We heard you'd gafiated.” “Fafiated.” She looked him straight in the eye, daring him to disagree. She hadn’t gotten away from it all; she’d been forced away from it all. --Fallen Angels, by Larry Niven, Jerry Pournelle and Michael Flynn http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-gaf1.htm
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Remove a splinter. Soak the wounded area in Wesson Vegetable Oil for a few minutes to soften the skin before trying to remove the splinter. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wesson.html
Garfield ate a bunch of cheese and then waited for a mouse with baited breath./ The wisdom of Mehitable the Cat by Don Marquis: Life is one damned kitten after another.
...........Let me roll it to you.........I'D Have You Anytime …..George Harrison with Eric Clapton
^^^^ Condensed milk or, more accurately, sweetened condensed milk, is made through a similar process as evaporated milk. The one extra step to the process is adding sugar to it, to sweeten it, obviously. So, you shouldn’t substitute one for the other.
Capitalist Meme of the Week: Capitalist: I pay you as much as I can afford in this economy, nobody's forcing you to stay. Voluntarily associate with someone else if you don't like it. Oh, except union members, socialists, the Poor People's Campaign, Black Lives Matter, Democrats, or communists.
Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Don't let anyone tell you that standardized tests are not accurate measures. The truth of the matter is they offer a remarkably precise method for gauging the size of the houses near the school where the test is administered. --Alfie Kohn
Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bernie 2020 ...To Boldly Go Where We Should Have Been All Along --Submitted by md of ks
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If Trump gets any more incoherent, the right wing evangelicals will claim he is speaking in tongues. --Submitted by ksz of kc
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Rusty Con 2019 (6-8, Seattle) --the best little gathering this hotel can handle! https://www.rustycon.org/2019/
Actual Science Convention of the Week: 26th Annual NewsMakers in the Biotech Industry: (6, NYC) hand-picked group of public biotech companies whose corporate and regulatory milestones will drive stock prices...https://www.globenewswire.com/news-release/2019/08/12/1900636/0/en/AB-Science-to-present-at-two-upcoming-conferences-in-September-2019-the-NewsMakers-2019-Healthcare-conference-and-the-H-C-Wainwright-Healthcare-Conference.html
Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck sleeping under my desk in the case that never happened.

Holly's cat, Cat, always got his way because he was very purrsuasive. Holly used a catacomb to groom him. / The wisdom of Mehitable the Cat by Don Marquis: Fishing: a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.
..........Go down easy and let me take my time.........Roll It Over …..Derek and the Dominos with George Harrison
^^^^^ With more than half the water removed, the texture of evaporated milk is a bit thicker and creamier than fresh milk. That's why it's often used to enhance custards, frozen desserts, pie fillings, and rich sauces. If allowed to freeze slightly, evaporated milk can be whipped into a creamy topping.
Month of the Week: September is Great American Breakfast Month –The French only eat one egg for breakfast because one is enoeuf. / Bacon and Eggs walk into a bar. The bartender takes one look at t hem and says, “Sorry, we don't serve breakfast.”
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A little know fact...Before the crowbar was invented, most crows drank at home. --Submitted by msh of bc
Grammar Joke of the Week: either, “We had to let the n go, he gave us no choice”. ….N
Today's Peace of History, September 6, 1963: Anti-nuclear marchers who began in Glasgow, Scotland, arrived in London and attempted to present a dummy missile to the British Imperial War Museum. ~~Here's a wonderful audio of a bunch of Scots singing Ding Dong Dollar – written for this very march. O the dollars they will jingle, there'll be no a lassie single
Dinah was watching The Sound of Mewsic when Alice came in and tossed a copy of Good Mousekeeping next to her. Dinah pitched a hissy fit until Alice gave her a mice cream cone. / The wisdom of Mehitable the Cat by Don Marquis: Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.
..........Black cat just cross my trail.........I Ain't Superstitious …..Howlin' Wolf with Eric Clapton and Ringo Starr
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle September 6, 2019, Feline ePistle. Love, Laughs, and Cats. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Warning of the Week: Doctors warn that drinking a shot every time Trump lies during his speech could result in death. --Submitted by ma of va
Moonbeam: Don't buy a single vote more than necessary. I'll be damned if I'm going to pay for a landslide. --Joseph P. Kennedy
Cost of War:
As of 9/6/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,956,048,895,515.
As of 8/29/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,953,806,010,934.
As of 9/6/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $918,276,067,458.
As of 8/29/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $916,752,432,084.
As of 9/6/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $704,061,445,914.
As of 8/29/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $702,146,014,466.
As of 9/6/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $315,650,352,411.
As of 8/29/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $315,215,051,599.
As of 9/6/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,894,037,751,400.
As of 8/29/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,887,921,896,147.
The more we do, the more we can do. --Dag Hammarskjold
..........I swear to God it's true..........Ain't That Cute …..Doris Troy with Eric Clapton and George Harrison
Crookshank got a job in claw enforcement. He called his house the scratch pad and use to wish Hermione “Mice Day” every morning. / The wisdom of Mehitable the Cat by Don Marquis: Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it.
Famous Last Words: Dowd knew he could not bring himself to say to the president, you’re a [expletive] liar. --Bob Woodward Fear: The Trump White House
May Peace purr for you
And Joy curl up on your lap
prairie mama
christine


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