jAcked ePistle

 Famous First Words: Whereas the Provinces of Canada, Nova Scotia, and New Brunswick... The British North American Act (1867)

Jack Benny (Benjamin Kubelsky) entertained the country for 30+ years on radio and television. Even as a kid, I thought he was funny. \\ My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. --Jack Benny ~~Benny's 47 year marriage is particularly rich because Benny maintained to the end of his life that he was only 39 years old. Bill Paley is not only the greatest boss I ever had, but he's the most brilliant, honest, and warm human being I've ever met. And I'll say that to his face – even if it costs me my job. --Jack Benny

..........You better chase all your cares away.........Judy Garland …..Get Happy

Joy is a sustained sense of well-being and internal peace – a connection to what matters. –-Oprah Winfrey

It has been a hard morning. The doctor said the x-rays said I have bone erosion and need a hip replacement. I wanted to send out the ePistle before I had a good long cry, but I'm not sure I'll make it. My hip and I have been through some good times together. I hate to start over with a new one.

Wishing you a really great weekend, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If it squirms it's Biology; if it stinks it's chemistry; if it doesn't work it's Physics, and if you can't understand it it's Mathematics. --Submitted by Heinlein Society

A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper. --Jack Benny I believe in being honest with myself. If there's one thing I hate is when a comedian is great and won't admit it. I've never met one like that, but if I did, I'd hate them. --Jack Benny

..........'cause when you worry your face will frown..........Bobby McFerrin ....Don't Worry Be Happy

Trivia Questions: Happy (what would have been the 87^th) Birthday to Billy Carter, Jimmy's beer drinking brother.

• ^ Who is Obama's oldest half-sibling and why is he an embarrassment?
• ^^ How did Grant's younger brother embarrass his administration?
• ^^^ What makes Billy Carter the poster boy for embarrassing the president?
• ^^^^ How did Nixon's brother contribute to his loss in 1960?
• ^^^^^ What did Clinton's brother do to embarrass Bill and the nation?

Big Hello: lϙkwe – Marshallese (Marshall Islands) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I made some fish tacos today. But they just ignored them and swam away. --Submitted by INRITH

Image of the Week: Texas Loves Children Day … unless they're trans

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 90% of libraries can't find any of their “Where's Waldo” books. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early. --Jack Benny As you may or may not know, in keeping with the high-class tone of Beverly Hills, our police force is probably the most snobbish group of gendarmes in the world. It is said that the Beverly Hills Police Department is so fancy that it has an unlisted number. --Jack Benny

..........Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea.........Three Dog Night …..Joy To The World

Moonbeam: I should be pleased to see all the nations on the earth prosperous and happy and rich, for it would furnish to me the best evidence of the prosperity of my native land. --John Tyler

Blasphemy of the Week: Beware of any Christian movement that demands the government be an instrument of God's wrath but never a source of God's mercy, generosity, or compassion. --Rev Benjamin Cremer

Puzzle of the Week: Everyone knows what a spoonerism is, right? That's where you switch the initial consonant sounds of one phrase to get another — like "light rain" for "right lane." Here's the puzzle: Name a well-known world leader, first and last names. Spoonerize this, and you'll get a phrase that means "to have confidence in one of the martial arts." Who's the leader, and what's the phrase? NPR Sunday Puzzle 1/5/20

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Queer Eye but with a team of butch lesbians who buy you six pairs of the same jeans because they're comfortable and point out that the reason you have no time for self care is capitalism. (Fifty Shades of GAY) --Submitted by ar of ks

It's not so much knowing when to speak, but when to pause. --Jack Benny I was born in Waukegan a long, long time ago. As a matter of fact, our rabbi was an Indian. --Jack Benny

..........You're the one that puts the laughter in my smile.........Dolly Parton …..Bubbling Over

^ Barack Obama's half-brother, Malik, was born in Kenya, but has dual citizenship with the US. President Obama's father was married three times and the president has at least five half-siblings, but Malik is the oldest. Malik Obama, who is a Muslim with numerous wives, once ran for political office in Kenya. He claims to be a staunch supporter of Donald Trump.

Almanac: It is Friday, March 29, 2024. The moon will go into the last quarter on Tuesday (4/2) and is in Scorpio. Today is the Festival of Smoke and Mirrors, Knights of Columbus Founders Day, National Day of Unplugging, National Mom & Pop Business Owners Day, and Texas celebrates Love the Children Day.

Among those born on this day were John Tyler (1790), Edwin Drake (1819), Warner Baxter (1889), Dennis O'Keefe (1908), Moon Mullican (1909), Eugene McCarthy (1916), Man O'War (1917), Pearl Bailey (1918), Billy Carter (1937), Eric Idle (1943), Karen Anne Quinlan (1954), LaToya Jackson (1956), Marina Sirtis (1959), Elle Macpherson (1964), Beverly Crusher (2334), and Deanna Troi Betazed (2336).

On March twenty-ninth Beethoven debuted his piano playing talents (1795), the British North America Act was passed (constitution of Canada, 1867), Ohio outlawed 10 hour days for children (1852), Jack Benny debuted on radio (1932), meat, butter, and cheese came under rationing (US, 1943), Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were convicted (1951), Some Like It Hot premiered (1959), the 23rd Amendment was ratified allowing DC residents to vote for president (1961), Jack Paar last appeared on the Tonight Show (1962) and the pyramidal entrance to the Louvre opened (1989).

Night Sky, 3/29: Comet Pons-Brooks is low in the west right after dark. At a predicted 5th magnitude it should be fairly easy in binoculars and very interesting in a telescope. Look right after twilight ends. This evening it's passing only about ½° from 2nd-magnitude Alpha Arietis (Hamal). Look just to the star's right or lower right. The tail points up. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: The boys exploring what appears to be an escape room or a cold sauna

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:There is nothing to be learned from the second kick of a mule. --Mark Twain

This Week: Saturday, March 30 - Doctors Day & Pencil Day & World Bi-polar Day

Earth Hour - Last Saturday in March. Millions of people around the world switch off their lights for Earth Hour at 8:30 pm local time.

Sunday, March 31 - Easter & Cesar Chavez Day & International Hug A Medievalist Day & World Backup Day

Night Sky, 3/31: Right after dark, Sirius shines brilliantly in the south-southwest. Lower left of it, by about one fist, is the triangle of Adhara, Wezen, and Aludra, from right to left. They form Canis Major's hind foot, rear end, and tail, respectively. Or, alternatively, they're the lower end and handle of the Meat Cleaver.

Monday, April 1 – All Fools Day & National Fun Day & Reading is Funny Day & St Stupid Day

Tuesday, April 2 – International Children's Book Day & National Ferret Day & World Autism Day

Wednesday, April 3 – Share A Rainbow Day & National Walk Day & Weed Out Hate Day

Night Sky, 4/3: Jupiter, magnitude –2.1 in Aries, is the bright "star" shining due west in twilight. It sinks lower after dark and sets around 10 or 11 pm. It's becoming the only easy planet in the sky.

Thursday, April 4 – National Walking Day & Vitamin C Day & World Rat Day

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces. --Jack Benny There are only five real people in Hollywood. Everyone else is Mel Blanc. --Jack Benny

..........I haven't met the new me yet.........Taylor Swift …..Happiness

^^ Orvil Lynch Grant, the corrupt younger brother of President Ulysses S. Grant, was rumored to have been a pretty shady guy who was always looking to make a quick buck. As a young man, Orvil ran the family leather shop with his other brother, Samuel, in Galena, IL, before relocating to Chicago. He also happened to be involved in one of the many scandals that rocked his brother's administration. In 1875, President Grant's Secretary of the Interior, Christopher Delano, was accused of mismanaging provisions and land in the West as well as taking bribes for land allocation. Delano allegedly gave his own son, John, and the president's brother Orvil positions within the agency, but neither man ever did any work.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Pillsbury Dough Boy is a flour child.

Moonbeam: Underwear is such an emotional thing. --Elle Macpherson

Whatever This Is of the Week: Sign: Evangelical Christianity is just Radical Islam with Pork and Beer. --Submitted by MMS

Video of the Week: Eric Idle: Always look on the bright side of life (3:10)

There may be peace without joy, and joy without peace, but the two combined make happiness. --John Buchan

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. --Jack Benny When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it. --Jack Benny

..........Brush off the clouds and cheer up.........Dick VanDyke and Janet Leigh …..Put On A Happy Face

^^^ In 1978 and 1979, Billy Carter made three trips to Libya and eventually accepted a $220,000 loan from the Libyan government, which received national and international attention. Billy was a registered agent of the Libyan government, but denied ever exercising any inappropriate political influence as Libya attempted to establish oil connections with US companies. Billy Carter was also known for his Billy Beer. In 1977, the beer-chugging "good ol' boy" persona that Billy exhibited was channeled into a marketing campaign for the product, but it didn't last long. Billy himself claimed to drink Pabst and later joked that he gave up drinking because his own beer was so bad. Billy's own reputation waned as he continued to make public appearances and say controversial things - he once even insulted Jews and urinated in front of reporters on an Atlanta runway.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Mother Nature just be throwing out temperatures like Powerball Numbers 66 40 33 58 24 13 --Submitted by RHOZ

Weird Word of the Week: Acronical or Acronychal – Literally: something happening in the evening or at nightfall. However, it's principally a moderately rare technical term in astronomy or astrology which refers to the rising or setting of a star at the same time as the sun sets. World Wide Words: Acronychal

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean grease stains from double-knit fabrics. Pour on Canada Dry Club Soda and scrub gently. Canada Dry®: Wacky Uses

I practice three hours daily on my violin so I won't get worse. --Jack Benny Any man who would walk five miles through the snow, barefoot, just to return a library book so he could save three cents – that's my kind of guy. --Jack Benny

...........Down in my heart to stay.........For King & Country …..Joy

^^^^ Donald Nixon, born Francis Donald Nixon, was the younger brother of President Richard Nixon. Born in 1914, Donald grew up in California and entered into financial dealings with millionaire Howard Hughes between 1954 and 1956. Hughes apparently loaned Donald $205,000 to bail out a failing business, though there is no record of the loan ever having been repaid. Then allegations that Hughes had been attempting to influence Richard Nixon through his brother factored into the elder Nixon's failed presidential campaign in 1960.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: In 10 minutes 10 children can pick up 5,000 Easter eggs in a yard the size of a football field' but it takes them 5 months to pick up 5 toys on the floor of a small bedroom. --Submitted by PsyDe

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Norwescon 2024 (28-31, Seattle, WA) While maintaining a primarily literary focus, Norwescon is large enough to provide a venue for many other aspects... Welcome to Norwescon! – Norwescon

Actual Science Conference of the Week: SEG/SPE/SPWLA Workshop – From Measurement to Theory: Adventures in Rock Physics, Petrophysics, and Engineering (27-29, Norman, OK) Celebrate the life of Carl Sondergeld and his contributions to Earth science and engineering SEG/SPE/SPWLA Workshop: From Measurement to Theory: Adventures in Rock Physics, Petrophysics, and Engineering - SEG

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Justin Trudeau --> trust in judo

When I give concerts, the tickets sell for five dollars to one hundred dollars, but for my concerts the five-dollar seats are down in front...the further back you go, the more you have to pay. The hundred dollar seats are the last two rows, and those tickets go like hotcakes! In fact, if you pay two hundred dollars you don't have to come at all. --Jack Benny

..........It hasn't been such a bad day at all.........Charlie Brown …..Happiness

^^^^^ Roger Clinton, Jr. - Bill Clinton's younger half-brother has been making headlines for decades. When Bill Clinton was elected governor of Arkansas, Roger was arrested for selling cocaine and spent a year in jail. Roger's connections to drugs continued once his brother became president, as the younger Clinton lobbied for pardons on behalf of drug traffickers and was even pardoned by his brother in 2001 for all of his crimes. Roger's other escapades include a failed music career and numerous ventures into film and television acting. Despite trying to keep a low profile over the past few years, Roger was arrested for a DUI offense in June 2016.

Conspiracy Theory of the Week: A spicier variant is that COVID not only escaped from a lab, but it was intentionally created by Chinese scientists as a biowarfare weapon. According to Pew Research, “nearly three-in-10 Americans believe that COVID-19 was made in a lab,” either intentionally or accidentally (the former is more popular: specifically, 23 percent believe it was developed intentionally, with only 6 percent believing it was an accident). ~~This was also a conspiracy theory about AIDS only it was Africa instead of China.

Quote of the Week: I never met a chocolate I didn't like. --Deanna Troi

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If men are so much stronger than women, how come men in video games need full plate armor while women only need a chainmail bikini? --Submitted by WEGKC

Today's Peace of History, March 29, 1925: Black leaders in Charleston, WV, protested the showing of D. W. Griffith's movie, Birth of a Nation, which was scheduled to open at the Rialto Theatre on April 1. They said it violated a 1919 state law prohibiting any entertainment which demeaned another race. Mayor W.W. Wertz and the West Virginia Supreme Court supported their argument and prevented the showing of the film; efforts to ban the film met with mixed results around the country.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid. --Jack Benny Everything good that happened to me happened by accident. --Jack Benny

..........What a glorious feeling I'm happy again..........Gene Kelly …..Singing In The Rain

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, March 29, 2024, jAcked ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. --Eugene McCarthy

Cost of War:

• As of 03/28/24 State Department Costs: $232,264,002,368.
• As of 03/21/24 State Department Costs: $231,700,492,927.
• As of 03/28/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,207,843,720,226.
• As of 03/21/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,206,266,987,415.
• As of 03/28/24 Homeland Security: $1,163,994,826,464.
• As of 03/21/24 Homeland Security: $1,106,266,987,415.
• As of 03/28/24 Veterans Care: $3,581,026,863,244.
• As of 03/21/24 Veterans Care: $3,569,074,582,114.
• As of 03/28/24 Military Costs: $3,076,751,925,305.
• As of 03/21/24 Military Costs: $3,075,554,770,468.
• As of 03/28/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,261,883,045,463.
• As of 03/21/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,245,980,591,278.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Enlightenment, peace, and joy will not be granted by someone else. The well is within us, and if we dig deeply in the present moment, the water will spring forth. --Nhat Hanh

Famous Last Words: Nobody's perfect. --Osgood Fielding III Some Like It Hot

..........You bring the sunshine into my life.........Alexia ….Happy

I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray. --Jack Benny. Modesty is my best quality. --Jack Benny

May Peace shed light on your path
And Joy spread it with rose petals
prairie mama
christine

Last Laugh:

gLobal ePistle

Famous First Words: Whereas by an Act... The Stamp Act of 1765

It is Shakespeare Week (18-24). You know, he created over 1,700 new words but didn't understand why no one would play Scrabble with him. By the pricking of my thumbs, something witty this way comes. ^^His wit's as thick as a Tewkesbury mustard. --Henry IV Pt 2 (act 2, scene 4)

..........I must wait for the sunrise..........Grizabella …..Memory

I feel within me a peace above all earthly dignities, a still and quiet conscience. --William Shakespeare.

It is a cloudy, rainless Friday morning. There is little breeze to shake the willow or blow the clouds on their way. This morning I had x-rays taken of my hip. About 5 raindrops fell on the windshield while I drove to the hospital, but the rain never came. So I am home now, eating a blueberry muffin and sipping iced water and cool coffee. It leaves a bitter sweet taste in my mouth and sustains me (hopefully) until lunch. Kansas (4 seed) squeaked by Samford (13 seed) by 4 points. For a while it seemed like the refs were reviewing every possession. It lasted way past my bedtime; so part of me just wants to take a nap. But writing to you is too seductive...

Good weekend and twenty, kind ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My apathy is at an all time whatever. -Submitted by VTSG

If you can't find the word you're looking for, invent it. ^^More of your conversation would infect my brain. --Coriolanus (act 2, scene 1)

..........That's how we laugh the day away.........Emerald City Chorus …..Merry Old Land Of Oz

Trivia Questions: Happy International Seal Day!

• ^ Seals have “Smokers' Blood”. What is that and/or what does it do?
• ^^ In what lake(s) do fresh water seals live?
• ^^^ Seals are pinnipeds. What land animals are they related to?
• ^^^^ How much seafood can a seal consume?
• ^^^^^ What is the biggest threat to seal populations?

Big Hello: Mari mari – Mapuche (Chile & Argentina) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Chemistry, microbiology, biology, geology, and astronomy are all just science with different zoom settings. --Neil deGrasse Tyson --Submitted by ff of ks

Image of the Week:

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 34% of librarians wanted to have a Pi Day program but library administration said it was irrational. #PiDay https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Shakespeare did kill off most of his characters before Game of Thrones made it cool. ^^There's no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune. --Henry IV Part 1 (act 3, scene 3)

..........Innocent body and a sinful heart.........Norma Desmond …..Salome

Moonbeam: All that's missing for Utah is a blindfold and a cigarette. --Bob Costas ~~This is especially amusing since Firing Squad is an actual choice of how to kill convicted criminals in Utah.

Blasphemy of the Week: Any god who is mine but not yours, any god concerned with me but not with you, is an idol. --Abraham J Heschel

Puzzle of the Week: Take a body part, add a letter at the beginning and end to get another body part, then add another letter at the beginning and end to get something designed to affect that body part. --NPR Sunday Puzzle 3/15/24

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy. --William Butler Yeats

Might I just point out that Mercutio got stabbed in the gut and, instead of seeking medical help, stood up and made a pun about it, then died. Exactly how I would go out. --Jeffrey the Space Walrus ^^Thine face is not worth sunburning. --Henry V (act 5, scene 2)

..........Softly, deftly, music shall surround you.........The Phantom …..Music of the Night

^ Both seals and heavy human smokers have high levels of carbon monoxide in their blood streams. While humans acquire it from burning tobacco, researchers think seals' blood carbon monoxide levels are connected to their deep dives. One study found that elephant seals' blood is around 10% carbon monoxide, which researchers attribute to the animals holding their breaths for about 75% of their lives.

Almanac: It is Friday, March 22, 2024. The moon will be full (Worm) on Monday (3/25). It is 39 & Holding Day, As Young as You Feel Day, International Day of the Seal, International Goof-Off Day, Tuskegee Airmen Day, and World Water Day (aka World Day for Water).

Among those born on this day were Kaiser Wilhelm II (1797), Randolph Caldecott (1846), Robert A. Millikan (1868), Chico Marx (Leonard, 1887), Karl Malden (1913), George Wyle (1916), Marcel Marceau (1923), Pat Robertson (1930), William Shatner (1931), Orrin Hatch (1934), May Britt (1936), Ron Carey (1936), Rudy Rucker (1946), Andrew Lloyd Webber (1948), Bob Costas (1952), and Matthew Modine (1959).

On March twenty second the Gutenberg Bible became the first printed book (1457), the League of Friendship was formed (1621), Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water (1733), the Stamp Act passed (1765), the first US nursing school was chartered (1861), Illinois became the first state to require gender equality in employment (1872), slavery was abolished in Puerto Rico (1873), Niagara Falls ran out of water due to a drought (1903), the first Masters in Augusta, GA began (1934), Liz Taylor divorced Mike Todd (her 3rd, 1958), the laser was patented (1960), the Beatles released their first album, Please Please Me (1963), Indira Gandhi resigned as PM of India (1977), Israel approved the peace treaty with Egypt (1979), and Congress overrode Reagan's veto of the civil rights bill (1988).

Fraternal Picture This Week: Storytime

This Week: Saturday, March 23 – National Puppy Day & Purim & Walk In The Sand Day & Women Arts Day

Sunday, March 24 – National Cocktail Day & Palm Sunday &

World Tuberculosis Day

Night Sky, 3/24: The signature fall-and-winter constellation Cassiopeia retreats down after dark. Look for it in the north-northwest. It's standing roughly on end. For skywatchers at mid-northern latitudes and farther north, Cassiopeia is circumpolar, never going away completely. By 1 or 2 am daylight-saving time it will be at its lowest in the north, lying like a not quite horizontal W.

Monday, March 25 – Pecan Day & Tolkien Reading Day & Vaffeldagen (Waffle Day)

Tuesday, March 26 – Legal Assistants Day & Purple Day & Spinach Day

Wednesday, March 27 – International Whisk(e)y Day & World Theatre Day & National Scribble Day

Night Sky, 3/27: If you haven't spotted Mercury yet this season, look for it lower right of Jupiter as twilight fades. Jupiter is magnitude –2.1. Mercury this evening is magnitude –0.1, meaning one sixth as bright. And that's not counting the extra atmospheric extinction that affects low objects.

Thursday, March 28 – Weed Appreciation Day & World Piano Day

Shakespeare for children: Green Eggs and Hamlet I understand that Shakespeare intended to call Hamlet, Piglet. ^^Thy sin's not accidental, but a trade. -Measure for Measure (act 3, scene 1)

..........The light is shining through..........Pearl …..Only You

^^ One of the smallest true seals, the Baikal represents the seal's evolutionary journey from terrestrial to semi-aquatic, when seals likely spent time in freshwater before making their transition from land to oceans. Lake Baikal, a freshwater lake in Siberia is home to a whole host of interesting creatures, and is both the oldest, and deepest, lake on the planet.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe; but if you remove it you get gravy. --Submitted by FNOG

Moonbeam: I do know dumb-ass questions when I see dumb-ass questions. --Orrin Hatch

Video of the Week: Piedras Blancas South Seal Cam Piedras Blancas South Seal Cam ~~Spoiler Alert: Sleeping seals look a lot like rocks.

Still in thy right hand carry gentle peace... --William Shakespeare

Commercial Shakespeare: Now Is the Winter of Our Disco Tent. Shakespeare had a side hustle selling stain remover. He called it Out Out Damned Spot. ^^Your brain is as dry as the remainder biscuit after a voyage.

Dragon of the Week: Deemed by Literary Hub as the world's most famous dragon – The Eldest from Le Guin's Wizard of Earthsea ~~I would have guessed Smaug.

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Make fluffy pancakes, waffles, and matzah balls. Substitute Canada Dry Club Soda for the liquid used in the recipes. Canada Dry®: Wacky Uses

In order to attract women I like to use this quote from Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act II, Scene IV, line 82: “Hello” / The difference between a Shakespeare play and Fox News is that one is Taming of the Shrew and the other is the Shaming of the True ^^He has not so much brain as ear-wax. --(Troilus and Cressida (act 5, scene 1)

...........Should I scream and shout.........Mary Magdalene …..I Don't Know How to Love Him

^^^^ Larger seals can eat 10 pounds of food per day. As some populations have increased in recent decades, researchers are carefully studying the impact on seal's prey, including salmon, and encouraging management practices that protect both seals and potentially threatened fisheries.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Look, Look, Up in the sky! It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Boeing debris. --Submitted by 98%

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: MidSouthCon 39 (22-24, Memphis, TN) The oldest Mid-South SF Convention. MidSouthCon – The Mid-South's oldest SF Convention!

Weird Word of the Week: Polyatheist Polyatheist – There are hundreds of Gods I don't believe in. --Submitted by IIWSPIBH

Actual Science Conference of the Week: 18^th World Congress on Controversies in Neurology (21-23, London, UK) ...debates on central contested topics in neurology... CONy 2024 Congress | March 21-23, 2024 | London, UK (comtecmed.com)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Ear → Heart → the arts

Shakespeare and his publicist thought “Shakespeare In Love” was Much Ado About Nothing ^^That kiss is as comfortless as frozen water to a starved snake –Titus Andronicus (act 3, scene 1)

..........Just give me a number instead of my name..........Joseph …..Close Every Door

^^^^^ In the last century, both the Japanese sea lion and the Caribbean monk seal have become extinct, the latter considered a harbinger of human-caused extinction in coral reef systems. Historically, seals have faced threats from hunting, accidental trapping, marine pollution, and conflicts with local people. More recently, seals face a new threat in the form of habitat loss as a result of climate change.

Question of the Week: Are single women just happier? --Submitted by VisCortex

Quote of the Week: I have a zero tolerance for sanctimonious morons who try to scare people. --Pat Robertson Also a quote from Pat Robertson: Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom (the State Department) to shake things up.

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: An oxymoron walked into a bar and the silence was deafening. --Submitted by TETD

Today's Peace of History, March 22, 1965: 3,200 civil rights demonstrators, led by the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr., and under protection of a federalized National Guard, began a third attempt at a week-long march from Selma to the state capitol at Montgomery in support of voting rights for black Americans.

It has been said that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare. Today, thanks to the internet, we know that is not true. / How many of Shakespeare's characters does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to change the light bulb, one to contemplate how a light bulb is as mortal as any human, and one to spend the afternoon debating whether to murder his uncle.

..........What kind of goddess has lived among us.........Ché …..O What a Circus

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, March 22, 2024, gLobal ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. --Wilhelm II aka Kaiser Wilhelm

Cost of War:

• As of 03/21/24 State Department Costs: $231,700,492,927.
• As of 03/14/24 State Department Costs: $231,116,374,112.
• As of 03/21/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,206,266,987,415.
• As of 03/14/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,204,775,154,572.
• As of 03/21/24 Homeland Security: $1,206,266,987,415.
• As of 03/14/24 Homeland Security: $1,162,801,480,323.
• As of 03/21/24 Veterans Care: $3,569,074,582,114.
• As of 03/14/24 Veterans Care: $3,557,766,084,098.
• As of 03/21/24 Military Costs: $3,075,554,770,468.
• As of 03/14/24 Military Costs: $3,074,422,065,453.
• As of 03/21/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,245,980,591,278.
• As of 03/14/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,230,933,061,289.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

The time of universal peace is near. Prove this a prosp'rous day, the three-nooked world shall bear the olive freely. --William Shakespeare

Famous Last Words: Enjoy International Goof Off Day INTERNATIONAL GOOF-OFF DAY - March 22, 2024 - National Today

..........And I need a moment.........Norma Desmond …..As If We Never Said Goodbye ~~All of tonight's songs are from Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals

There's a new Shakespeare video game. It's called Sonnet the Hedgehog. ^^I do desire that we may be better strangers. --As You Like It (act 3, scene 2)

May Peace sing your melody
And Joy play your harmony
prairie mama
christine

Last Laugh:

Ide_ish ePistle

Famous First Words: I will be brief. --LBJ's speech introducing the War on Poverty

Beware the Ides of March! It has been 2068 years since Caesar failed to beware. I read that his dying words were, “Name a salad after me”. / Oh remember to leave milk and cookies out from Brutus tonight.

..........Driving that train, high on cocaine.........Grateful Day with Phil Lesh …..Casey Jones

It is to be regretted that the rich and powerful too often bend the acts of government to their own selfish purposes. --Andrew Jackson

This Friday morning, I went to the doctor who set up an x-ray of my hip so hopefully, we can alleviate some of this pain when I walk. Other than that, I'm still alive and doing well. My Ides of March began yesterday afternoon when I sat down to proof the ePistle and discovered that I had used the May 15^th almanac page instead of March 15^th. The Caesar jokes were already in place. Whew! But the almanac section and the moonbeams and trivia questions had to be changed. So, if you come across something that you are sure happened in May. My bad. The weather here is perfect: cloudless blue sky, 11 mph wind to make the willow switches (now yellow with new growth) dance and the birds sing. Hope your morning is pleasant too, my loves.

Wishing you more fun this weekend that you can process, ePistliers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher...or, as his wife would have it, an idiot. --Douglas Adams

People are losing the spirit of the Ides of March. It's not about just stabbing. It's about coming together to stab in groups. / So, the plan is we walk in, stab him, and the rest, as they say, is history.

….......Please don't dominate the rap, Jack, if you got nothin' new to say.........Grateful Day with Phil Lesh …..New Speedway Boogie

Trivia Questions: Happy Buzzard's Day

• ^ What is the favored habitat of buzzards?
• ^^ Do buzzards have good eyesight?
• ^^^ Does eating infected animals harm buzzards?
• ^^^^ What other names do buzzards go by? **
• ^^^^^ How did the turkey buzzard get its name?

** Because Merriam-Webster says it's okay now...to end a sentence with a preposition

Big Hello: Kia ora - Māori https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Edam is the only cheese made backwards. --Submitted by FNOG

Image of the Week: Lawrence, Kansas has 16 Peace Poles. This one is in South Park. (The bottom half is bee trails or maybe insects generally. It has a section with dog and cat prints and at the dedication the lady who talked about that brought a dog on a leash who peed on the pole while she talked. The crowd loved it. We felt it was a mark of approval from the pet world.)

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: Unlike their book collection, 39% of librarian organize their liquor cabinet by color. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

No, what Caesar actually said as he was dying was, “It was a joke. Can't anyone take a joke anymore?” / The Roman Empire was cut in half by pair of Caesars.

..........Old like a rum drinking demon at tea.........Grateful Day with Phil Lesh …..Doin' That Rag

Moonbeam: What we were striving for was a kind of modified form of communism. --Harold L Ickes

Conspiracy Theory of the Week: The moon landing was faked. Denialism was first popularized by a 1976 Bill Kaysing's book called We Never Went to the Moon: America’s Thirty Billion Dollar Swindle. A 2019 IPSOS poll found that 11% of American millennials believe the moon landing were faked.

Puzzle of the Week: Take the last name of a Nobel Peace Prize winner. Remove the middle three letters and duplicate the last two letters to get the first name of a different Nobel Peace Prize winner. What are those two names? ---NPR Sunday Puzzle 3/9/24

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Think I'll be like a cat today and slowly push all my problems onto the floor. --Submitted by High Church Coyote

The whole Ides thing would have inspired cooler art if the senators had stabbed Caesar with light sabers. / Sure, friends murder each other all the time.

..........And my tunes were played on a harp unstrung.........Grateful Day with Phil Lesh …..Ripple

^ Buzzards live in woodlands near open fields.

Almanac: It is Friday March 15, 2024. The moon will enter the first quarter on Sunday (3/17) and is in Gemini. It is Buzzard's Day, Everything You Think Is Wrong Day, Brutus Day aka Ides of March, True Confessions Day, World Consumer Rights Day, and Freedom of Information Day. In Maine it is Admission Day (1820) and Tennessee celebrates Andrew Jackson's Birthday (1767).
Among those born on this day were Hadrian (76), Andrew Jackson (1767), Harold L. Ickes (1874), Harry James (1916), Roy Clark (1933), Jimmy Lee Swaggart (1936), Judd Hirsch (1935), Phil Lesh (Chapman, 1940), Mike Love (Beach Boys, 1941), Ry Cooder (1947) and Fabio (Lanzoni, 1961).

On March fifteenth Maine was admitted as the 23rd state (1820), the first Black newspaper was published (Freedom's Journal, 1827), the University of Toronto was chartered (1827), Louisiana became the first state of create a Health Board (1855), Finland gave women the right to vote (1907), the first presidential press conference was held (Wilson , 1913), Chicago established the first blood bank (1937), NC opened the first contraceptive clinic (1937), Billboard printed its first album list (1945), NYC hired an official "rainmaker" (1950), CBS Morning Show premiered (Walter Cronkite and Jack Paar, 1954), the Key Largo Coral Reef Preserve became the world's first underwater park (1960), LBJ declared War on Poverty (1964), and Liz Taylor married Richard Burton (1964),

Night Sky, 3/15: The Big Dipper glitters softly high in the northeast these evenings, standing on its handle. You probably know that the two stars forming the front of the Dipper's bowl (currently on top) are the Pointers; they point to Polaris, currently to their left or lower left. And, you may know that if you follow the curve of the Dipper's handle out and around by a little more than a Dipper length, you'll arc to Arcturus, now rising in the east.

http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: The grandma, the grandkids, and the food coloring

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: TikTok can avoid getting banned by simply renaming itself “Guns”. --Submitted by 98%

This Week: Saturday, March 16 – Black Press Day & Lips Appreciation Day & National Panda Day

Sunday, March 17 – Campfire Day & National Slime Day & St Patrick's Day

Night Sky, 3/17: But did you know that if you follow the Dipper's Pointers backward the opposite way, you'll land in Leo? Draw a line diagonally across the Dipper's bowl from where the handle is attached, continue far on, and you'll go to Gemini.

Monday, March 18 – Awkward Moments Day & National Biodiesel Day

Tuesday, March 19 – International Read To Me Day & Ostara & Raspberry Day

Wednesday, March 20 – Alien Abduction Day & Snowman Burning Day & World Frog Day

Night Sky, 3/20: And look at the two stars forming the open top of the Dipper's bowl. Follow this line past the bowl's lip far across the sky, and you cruise to Capella.

Thursday, March 21 – World Poetry Day & World Puppetry Day

You know, Brutus' mother cautioned him against running with Caesars. / You are mistaken. Caesar didn't want to the emperor he wanted to be Umpire of the Roman Empire.

..........Listen to the river sing sweet songs.........Grateful Day with Phil Lesh …..Brokedown Palace

^^ Buzzards can see small prey from high in the sky. They have very good eyesight.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Thank God winter is finally over, and we can kick back and enjoy tornado season. --Submitted by RHOZ

Moonbeam: The Media is ruled by Satan. But yet I wonder if many Christians fully understand that. --Jimmy Swaggart

Blasphemy of the Week: Arrogance is asking a god who wouldn't stop the Holocaust to find your car keys. --Ricky Gervais

Video of the Week: A very “camp” video of Fabio and some woman eating chicken: Click Here

If the people only understood the rank injustice of our money and banking system, there would be a revolution before morning. --Andrew Jackson

Senator Katie Britt claimed she thought Caesar was a cake made to look like Caesar. She may be telling the truth, Caesar did shout, “I'm not a cake”. / Julius was known as the first holey Roman Emperor.

..........'Cause when life looks like Easy Street there is danger at your door.........Grateful Day with Phil Lesh …..Uncle John's Band

^^^ About 50 years ago, rabbits in England became infected with a virous. Many of them died leaving less food for buzzards. Many buzzards died but not from the virus.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We did it! Daylight is saved.

Weird Word of the Week: Abatjour – a device for deflecting daylight downward as it enters a window or it can be a skylight Abat-jour Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Webster

Dragon of the Week: Enough edible dragons – Dragon Lamp

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean diamonds, rubies, sapphires, and emeralds. Simply soak the gems in Canada Dry Club Soda. Canada Dry®: Wacky Uses

Really, it was just the senator's way to unfriending Caesar. / I suppose celebrating the Ides of March by ordering Little Caesar's Pizza is appropriate. / Caesar left Brutus, all his trust issues.

...........Jump like a Willys in four-wheel drive.........Grateful Day with Phil Lesh …..Sugar Magnolia

^^^ Vultures are in a category of scavenging birds of prey (or raptors) that feed exclusively on carrion. This means that vultures only feed on the decaying carcasses of dead animals. Vultures in the United States are a critical part of the ecosystem and clean up carrion, which helps control disease spread. Vultures are also essential for nutrient recycling, returning nutrients from carcasses back into the ecosystem.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I never needed a mood ring. I had a face. --Judy Brynds --Submitted by sj of ks

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: GalaxyCon Richmond 2024 (15-17, Richmond, VA) Festival of Fandom GalaxyCon Richmond

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Emerging Researchers National (ERN) Conference (14-16, Washington, DC) Enhance your science communication skills... ERN: Emerging Researchers National Conference in STEM (emerging-researchers.org)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Nelson MANDELA -->MALALA Yousafzai

If I had a denarius for every misquote and misattributed meme about me on the internet, I'd have been able to invade Gaul without raising taxes. --Julius Caesar / By the way, any salad is a Caesar salad if you use 23 knives.

..........Set out runnin' but I take my time.........Grateful Day with Phil Lesh …..Friend of the Devil

^^^^^ Turkey Vultures (Cathartes aura) are named for their red, featherless heads that bear resemblance to wild turkeys. Turkey vultures have a six-foot wingspan and weigh between 3.5 and 5 pounds.

Discussion Topic of the Week: If you are choosing between the lesser of two evils, how easy is it to forget you chose evil?

Quote of the Week: If you must break the law, do it to seize power: in all other cases observe it. --Julius Caesar

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Living with a dog consists of 90% following each other around, watching each other potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth. --Submitted by INRITH

Today's Peace of History, March 15, 1963: Students from South Carolina State and Claflin College organized to integrate the lunch counter at Kresge 5& 10 in Orangeburg, South Carolina. Though their efforts were disciplined and peaceful, 400 were attacked by police then herded behind fences in the largest mass arrest of the civil rights movement.

Caesar's tragic death is further proof that knife crime has spun out of control on the streets of Rome! / What Caesar didn't understand was that all politics are local.

.........Walk into splintered sunlight..........Grateful Day with Phil Lesh …..Box of Rain

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, March 15, 2024, Ide_ish ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Anger and hate can make you brave, make you strong, but they also make you stupid. --Hadrian

Cost of War:

• As of 03/14/24 State Department Costs: $231,116,374,112.
• As of 03/07/24 State Department Costs: $230,603,743,800.
• As of 03/14/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,204,775,154,572.
• As of 03/07/24 Interest on War Debt: $1,203,203,673,241.
• As of 03/14/24 Homeland Security: $1,162,801,480,323.
• As of 03/07/24 Homeland Security: $1,162,190,357,489.
• As of 03/14/24 Veterans Care: $3,557,766,084,098.
• As of 03/07/24 Veterans Care: $3,545,854,708,930.
• As of 03/14/24 Military Costs: $3,074,422,065,453.
• As of 03/07/24 Military Costs: $3,073,229,010,119.
• As of 03/14/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,230,933,061,289.
• As of 03/07/24 Total Cost of Wars: $9,215,084,778,555.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

There are no necessary evils in government. Its evils exist only in its abuses. --Andrew Jackson

Famous Last Words: Oh, no, not again! -The pot of petunias. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

..........One of these day, you know, I've gotta get going.........Grateful Day with Phil Lesh …..Truckin'

Start the Ides with a doughnut. In face, eat two, Brute. / This Ides of March, remember NOT to stab anyone in groups. Keep a 1 meter distance. Longswords only.

May Peace give you grace

And Joy give you patience

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: