ePistle iNquiry

 Famous First Words: Whereas section 1 of the act of Congress entitled... Executive Order 5398 – Herbert Hoover

July is Get Ready For Kindergarten Month. Did my teacher take all the arithmetic books out of the classroom because they had so many problems? / If I get my peanut butter on the doorknob, should I use the door jam?

It's so hot I saw a funeral procession pull through a Dairy Queen.

..........Dreaming about the world as one..........Cat Stevens …..Peace Train

As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold the person down, so it means you cannot soar as you otherwise might. --Marian Anderson National Federation of Afro-American Women

It is a gray, humid Friday morning. At first glance the sky seems a solid, dirty white without texture or movement; but if you look long enough you see that it has many small darker grays and blues that refuse to blend into the pale dawn heavens. Trees are restless in the 7 mph northeast wind – the willow dancing and the mulberry barely bothering to wave. Birds are heard discussing the day's plans and what flower seeds are ripe and which feeders are still full. These birds remain hidden in the lush foliage of tree limbs and bush branches but their song carries even through my window. It is 70°F with a relative humidity of 80%. I believe that I may have been in steam rooms with less humidity. The humidity enhances the odor of wet soil and damp plants; it is a spring smell in the heat of summer. I have almost given up coffee for breakfast – even decaf – and so I take a long sip of water...no flavor yet very refreshing. But the very best of all is that I get to write to you.

Hoping your weekend is cool on many, many levels, ePistiers,

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Getting old sucks big time. I just threw my back out because the toaster startled me. --Submitted by jm or ks

Do you call a sneezing locomotive achoo-choo train? / Can only twins eat pears?

It's so hot I filled my waterbed with ice cubes.

..........It's hard to get by just upon a smile..........Cat Stevens …..Wild World

Trivia Questions: It's National Drinking Age Day.

• ^ What are the percentages of underage drinking in the US?
• ^^ What was the drinking age before the Prohibition Era?
• ^^^ What about age and drinking during Prohibition?
• ^^^^ How did the end of Prohibition affect the drinking age?
• ^^^^^ What is the current status of a national drinking age?

Big Hello: Annyeong-Hasimnikka (안녕하십니까) - Korean https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Eyelashes are supposed to prevent things from going into your eyes but whenever I have something in my eye – it's always an eyelash. Eyeronic. --Submitted by INRITH

Image of the Week: Storm Damage 7/14/23 - 11^th & Pennsylvania, Lawrence KS

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: The average librarian's to-be-read pile is equal to half their height times 2. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Did Ms Biscuit have to go to the doctor because she was feeling crumby? / Do bee's wings get sticky because they use honey combs?

It's so hot congress installed a fan in the debt ceiling.

..........If my colours all run dry..........Cat Stevens …..Moonshadow

Moonbeam: Sometimes you got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun. --Robin Williams

Question of the Week: What animal would make a great driver?

Puzzle of the Week: From listener Peter Gwinn, who writes for "Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me!" Take the first name of a famous movie director. Write it in upper- and lowercase letters. Rotate the third letter of this name 180° and you'll get the name of the main character in one of this director's most popular movies. Who was it? NPR Sunday Puzzle 7/16/23

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: 93 degrees and a thunderstorm, WTF am I supposed to wear? A thong and rain boots? --Submitted by RHOZ

Wasn't the first animal in space the cow that jumped over the moon? / Do giraffes have those long necks because they have smelly feet?

It's so hot Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.

..........Keep your cotton picking fingers out my curly hair..........Cat Stevens …..Hard Headed Woman

^ Underage drinking is common and often excessive. In 2019, over 7 million 12-to 20-year-olds reported past month alcohol use, over 4 million reported past month binge drinking, and nearly 1 million reported past month heavy alcohol use.

Almanac: It is Friday, July 21, 2023. The moon goes into the first quarter on Tuesday (7/25) and is in Virgo. It is Legal Drinking Age Day and No Pet Store Puppies Day.

Among those who were born on this day were Victor Schoelcher (1804), Paul Julius Baron von Reuter (1816), Louise Blanchard Bethune (1856), Frances Folsom Cleveland (1864), Frances Parkinson Keyes (1885), Ernest Hemmingway (1899), Hart Crane (1899), Marshall McLuhan (1911), Isaac Stern (1920), Kay Starr (1922), Don Knotts (1924), Cat Stevens (1947), Robin Williams (1951), and Jon Lovitz (1957).

On July twenty first the English defeated the Spanish armada (1588), Belgium gained independence from the Netherlands (1831), the first Canadian railroad opened (1836), Jesse James robbed his first train (1873), the National Federation of Afro-American Women & the Colored Women's League merged to form National Association of Colored Women (1896), Spain ceded Guam to the US (1898),

Jenatzy set a world auto speed record at 65.79 MPH (1904), the US Veterans Administration was established (1930), the Soviet Union annexed Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania (1940), the senate ratified the North Atlantic Treaty (1946), Althea Gibson became the first black person to win a major US tennis tournament (1957), Gus Grissom was launched in the Mercury 4 (1961), Neil Armstrong stepped onto the moon (1969), Billy Martin was fired as the Texas Rangers manager (1975), the National Women's Hall of Fame was dedicated (Seneca Falls, NY, 1979), and Pink Floyd performed "The Wall" where the Berlin Wall once stood (1990).

Night Sky, 7/21: In late twilight, look about a fist at arm's length above the Moon for Denebola, Beta Leonis. That's Leo's tail tip. This late in July, Leo is going goodbye. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Where Cotton Candy is King

This Week: Saturday, July 22 – Casual Pi Day & National Cowboy Day & Spooners** Day

**Spoonerisms - bot hog duns (hot dog buns), chewing the doors (doing the chores) deeding the fog...

Sunday, July 23 – Gorgeous Grandma Day & Hot Enough for Ya Day & Body Painting Day

Night Sky, 7/23: To me, the thick waxing crescent is one of the most interesting phases for exploring the Moon's terminator with a telescope. And this evening, above or upper right of the Moon by a couple degrees is 3rd-magnitude Gamma Virginis (Porrima), a fine close telescopic double star for telescopes. Its components are 3.3 arcseconds apart this year, oriented almost north-south. They're both magnitude 3.5.

Monday, July 24 – Cousins Day & National Frozen Margarita Day & Tell An Old Joke Day^

*The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons -- “What hangs at a man’s thigh and wants to poke the hole that it’s often poked before? Answer: A key.”

Tuesday, July 25 – Carousel Day & Hire a Veteran Day & Wine and Cheese Day

Wednesday, July 26 – Americans With Disabilities Day & Aunts and Uncles Day & Bagelfest Day

Night Sky, 7/26: Jupiter (magnitude –2.3, in Aries) rises around 1 am in the east-northeast. By the beginning of dawn it shines high toward the east-southeast.

Thursday, July 27 – Black Women's Equal Pay Day & Love Is Kind Day & Walk On Stilts Day

Do milkshakes come from dancing cows? / Were the Raptor dinosaurs singers?

It's so hot Jehovah's Witnesses have started telemarketing.

..........Those politicians keep telling lies..........Cat Stevens …..All Nights, All Days

^^ Before the Prohibition Era, which began in 1919, there existed no minimum alcohol purchase or public possession age.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's easy to think of Ayn Rand as a terrible person with an evil philosophy, but if you've ever read her books you'd know she was also a terrible writer. --Submitted by Anti-Capitalist Education

Moonbeam: The only weapon we have is comedy. --Robin Williams

Video of the Week: 2½ minutes of Robin Williams being really, really funny. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmqmyYRi-lU

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Now that writers and actors are not going to work, what will be the next season's hit tv show? A test of the Emergency Broadcasting System. --Emmy Blotnik Comedians in cars driving for Uber. --Joyelle Nicole Johnson Meta reality shows like Inside Keeping Up With the Kardashians and The Making of Inside Keeping Up With the Kardashians and Son of The True History of the Making of Inside Keeping Up With the Kardashians. --Adam Felber Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 7/15/23

It is the cultivation of our own natures that is aimed at and not the imitation of the nature of another. The powers of our own mind are to be drawn out. --Hallie Quinn Brown Colored Women's League

Do all robbers wear sneakers? / If the ocean is dangerous, how come it waves?

It's so hot polar bears are wearing sunscreen.

..........I let the music take me where my heart wants to go..........Cat Stevens …..The Wind

^^^ During Prohibition, people were allowed to make their own personal alcohol (up to a certain annual limit) regardless of age. No person of any age could sell or transport alcohol.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The four seasons are Depression, Allergies, Tomatoes, and Spooky. --Submitted by StoreHouse

Weird Word of the Week: Bibble – a small smooth rounded stone -a rock fragment (smaller than a cobble but larger than a granule. https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/bibble#:~:text=Definition%20of%20'bibble'&text=a.,but%20larger%20than%20a%20granule

Dragon of the Week: Craig Silverman's three headed dragon

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Speed up the time it takes to defrost frozen meat. Place a few sheets of Bounty Paper Towels on the counter top, place a trivet (or a grill from one of the stove burners) on top of the paper towels, and place the frozen package of meat on top of that. The trivet (or grill) allows the air to circulate under the meat, speeding up the defrosting process. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/bounty2.html

Does a palm tree fit in my hand? / Do hummingbirds hum because they don't know the words?

It's so hot my seat belt evolved into a branding iron.

...........You're only dancin' on this earth for a short while..........Cat Stevens …..Oh Very Young

^^^^ When Prohibition ended in December of 1933, many states established the legal drinking age of 21 years. Some set theirs lower, at 18 or 20, but the majority used 21 years. These restrictions remained in place until the Vietnam Era, which spanned the years of 1964-1975. Some states lowered their drinking ages to correspond to Draft Age. (“Old enough to die but not to drink.”)

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind. --Albert Einstein

Political Slogan of the Week: Drag Is Free Speech!

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: BroadwayCon (21-23, Times Square, NYC) Where Broadway and Fandom Meet https://www.broadwaycon.com/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Annual World Congress of Smart Materials 2023 (22-24, Barcelona, Spain) 500+ world renowned experts... https://expotobi.com/world-congress-of-smart-materials

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Ridley (Scott), who directed "Alien," starring Sigourney Weaver as Ripley

Do ten tickles make the octopus laugh? / Do starfish only swim at night?

It's so hot when the temperature dropped below 95, I put on a sweater.

..........And take your time, think a lot..........Cat Stevens …..Father And Son

^^^^^ The Federal Uniform Drinking Age Act of 1984 sets the minimum legal drinking age to 21 and every State abides by that standard.

Quote of the Week: I keep reading that film studios are contemplating replacing writers and actors by using Artificial Intelligence to mimic their talents. Surely it would be easier and more efficient to replace executives, since they have no talent at all. --John Cleese

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm so old the first time I had sex was in the back of a chariot. --Joan Rivers

Today's Peace of History, July 21, 1925: The so-called "Monkey Trial" ended in Dayton, Tennessee, with high school teacher John T. Scopes convicted of violating a state law against teaching Darwin's theory of evolution. It was considered illegal to contradict the Bible’s description of God’s seven-day creation of the world in Genesis.

Are blueberries just sad strawberries? / Are they “roaming numerals” because they move around?

It's so hot Death Valley was officially renamed Hell.

..........I know we've come a long way..........Cat Stevens …..Where Will The Children Play

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle July 21, 2023, ePistle iNquiry. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith, Lawrence, KS

Moonbeam: Do you think God gets stoned? I think so...look at the platypus. --Robin Williams

Cost of War:

• As of 07/20/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $212.237,316,368.
• As of 07/13/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $211.698,881,407.
• As of 07/20/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,151,904,414,751.
• As of 07/13/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,150,400,460,169.
• As of 07/20/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,142,240,673,167.
• As of 07/13/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,141,655,802,945.
• As of 07/20/23 Veterans Care since 2001:$3,156,994,650,047.
• As of 07/13/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,145,593,522,812.
• As of 07/20/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,034,279,693,112.
• As of 07/13/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,033,137,692,995.
• As of 07/20/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,697,660,179,757.
• As of 07/13/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,682,488,786,207.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

I felt that one had better die fighting against injustice than to die like a dog or a rat in a trap. --Ida B Wells National Association of Colored Women

Famous Last Words: Stand still, laddy. Pink Floyd The Wall

..........Praise for them springing fresh from the world..........Cat Stevens …..Morning Has Broken

It's so hot Siri asked me to dip my phone in a glass of ice water.

Why don't grass blades cut my feet? / Is the boat at the dock because it's sick?

May Peace lead your way

And Joy be your companion

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: