eErie ePistle

 Famous First Words: Once upon a midnight dreary... Edgar Allen Poe The Raven

Blessed be your Samhain! Merry be your fall! Happy by your harvest! Joyous Halloween to all! / I belong to a dating club for unattached witches; it's called Craft Singles. / The Goddess is alive and she ate my homework.

..........It was a graveyard smash.........Bobby Picket …..Monster Mash

No peace without justice, no justice without forgiveness…Peace is essential for development, but true peace is made possible only through forgiveness. --Pope John Paul II

It is a beautiful Friday morning. A temperature of 49°F with no wind to speak of is lovely sweater weather. Sun shines across a clear blue sky. Squirrels are so very busy this time of year...running in front of cars, dashing up trees, scrambling to put away food for the winter. The air is filled with birdsong; a call and answer couple communicate across the street from one another, but the sparrows stay close together and quarrel among the quarrel. In the midst of a morning filled with other people's errands, I dropped my ballot in the box in front of the polling office. No one was watching that I could see, certainly no one with weapons. Should I be disappointed that no one cared? Now we're home again and I'm sitting with a full cup of creamy decaf and thoughts of you. Blessed Samhain, ePistliers, have a great weekend.

Hope your weekend scares the pewadden out of your neighbors, ePistlers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. -Augusten Burroughs

Wilma Witch died tragically in a broom rage incident. A vampire bat cut in front of her and she got so angry she flew off the handle. / I took a DNA test and it turns out I'm 100% that witch.

..........I don't give a damn 'cause I'm dead stone dead already..........The Kingston Trio …..Zombie Jamboree

Trivia Questions: Happy Champagne Day !

• ^ Where must the grapes grow to make the wine Champagne?
• ^^ Calorie wise how does Champagne compare with white and red wines?
• ^^^ How many bottles of Champagne are produced annually, more or less?
• ^^^^ What is the Champagne industry worth – more or less?
• ^^^^^ How do they create those bubbles?

Big Hello: Shalom - Hebrew https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don't show anyone going to work, paying their bills, or cleaning up after their kids. --Submitted by INRITH

Image of the Week: My Halloween Costume Pick of the Year – Cheech & Chong

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: A good librarian is known by name at the local bookstore, area knitting store, and every bar in town. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Half of the drinks at the witches hoodoo were microbrews. Slow cookers are just so easy. / How many witches does it take to change a light bulb? It depends on what you want it changed into.

..........From the window the moon is bright..........Roky Erickson …..Night of the Vampire

Moonbeam: Time sometimes flies like a bird, sometimes crawls like a snail; but a man is happiest when he does not even notice whether it passes swiftly or slowly. --Ivan Turgenev

Meditation of the Week: Are emotions rational or irrational?

Puzzle of the Week: From listener David Edelheit of Oyster Bay, NY. Think of a pair of two-syllable words that are pronounced the same, except one is accented on the first syllable while the other is accented on the second. The word that's accented on the first syllable is associated with confrontation, while the word that's accented on the second syllable is associated with cooperation. What words are these?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We'll be turning our clocks back soon. Gaining an extra hour in 2022 is like getting a bonus track on a Yoko Ono album. --Submitted by sb of ar

Really, is this a garage or a broom closet? / How many Druids does it take to screw in a light bulb? Druids don't screw in light bulbs, the screw in Sacred Groves.

..........You hear him howling around your kitchen door.........Warren Zevon …..Werewolves of London

^ In order to be called Champagne, the drink has to be produced in a very specific corner of France. The Champagne growing region is located in North Eastern France, and not even neighboring French regions are allowed to call their sparkling wine Champagne. The whole region is only 34,300 hectares which is double the size of the city of San Francisco.

Almanac: It is Friday, October 28, 2022. The moon was new last Tuesday and is in Sagittarius. It is Champagne Day, Francis E Willard Day aka Temperance Day, and National Chocolate Day. Because it is the last Friday, it is also International Bandanna Day and National Breadsticks Day.

Among those born on this day were Henry III (Holy Roman Emperor, 1017), Ivan Turgenev (1818), Elsa Lanchester (1902), Evelyn Waugh (1903), Edith Head (1907), Jonas Salk (1914), Dody Goodman and Joan Plowright (1929), Charlie Daniels (1936), Bruce Jenner (1949), Annie Potts (1952), and Lauren Holly (1966).

On October twenty-eighth Harvard University was established (1636), Eli Whitney applied for a patent on the cotton gin (1793), the Statue of Liberty was dedicated (Pres. Cleveland, 1886), Omega Psi Phi incorporated (1914), Czechoslovakia gained independence (1918), the Volstead Act (Prohibition) passed congress over Wilson's veto (1919), Mussolini took control of Italy (1922), ground was broken for Shea Stadium (Municipal, 1961), missiles were withdrawn from Cuba (Khrushchev, 1962), the Gateway Arch was completed (1965), Rhoda got married (1977), and Led Zeppelin released a box set of IV and Houses of the Holy (2014).

Night Sky, 10/28: This is the time of year when the Big Dipper lies down horizontal low in the north-northwest after dark. The farther south you are, the lower. Seen from 40° north (New York, Denver) even its bottom stars twinkle nearly ten degrees high. But at the latitude of Miami (26° N) the entire Dipper skims along just below the northern horizon out of sight. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Brothers of the Road 

… I understand they ride with the Braut's Angels gang

This Week: Saturday, October 29 – National Cat Day & National Hermit Day

Night Sky, 10/29: The waxing Moon crosses the Sagittarius Teapot. Using the Moon to get started, use binoculars to piece out the Teapot's stars so low so long after summer. To do it you'll need a good sense of the size of your field of view. A typical binocular's field is a little larger than the Teapot's handle.

Sunday, October 30 – Create A Great Funeral Day & National Candy Corn Day & Mischief Night & Haunted Refrigerator Night

Monday, October 31 – Beggars Night & All Hallows Eve & National UNICEF Day & Magic Day

Night Sky, 10/31: Every Halloween – and a few days before and after – the brilliant star Arcturus sets at the same time and on the same spot on the west-northwest horizon as the summer sun. What’s more, this star rises at the same time and at the same place on the east-northeast horizon as the sun does during the dog days of summer.

Tuesday, November 1 – All Hallows Day & Author's Day & Extra Mile Day & Plan Your Epitaph Day

Wednesday, November 2 – All Souls Day & Parrothead Days

Night Sky, 11/2: Mars, magnitude –1.0 in eastern Taurus, clears the east-northeast horizon around 8 or 9 p.m. and gains altitude for most of the night. Still creeping eastward, it has just passed between the horn tips of Taurus, Beta and Zeta Tauri. Orange Aldebaran, much fainter at magnitude +0.9, sparkles to Mars's upper right by about a fist and a half. A similar distance lower right of Mars is orange Betelgeuse.

Thursday, November 3 – Cliché Day & Public Television Day & Stout Day

Wilamina the Witch is prone to rashes. The neighborhood kids call her itchy witchy. / 13 witches in a hot tub are a self cleaning coven.

..........Like some otherworldly violin.........Don Henley …..Miss Ghost

^^ The average bottle of red wine contains about 625 calories, white wine averages 600, and Champagne averages 570 calories.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You never know what I have up my sleeve. Today, for example, it's a dryer sheet. --Submitted by INRITH

Moonbeam: Punctuality is the virtue of the bored. --Evelyn Waugh

Video of the Week: Dodie Goodman in a 1972 commercial for Campbell's Soups https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-11i11aJZM

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The Tories in the UK are really putting our American conservatives to shame. Because our Republicans won't accept the results of an election they lost; the Tories barely accept the results of an election they won. -- Josh Gondleman Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 10/22/22 ...On another subject Josh said “You've been able to get recreational hearing aids in California for like 5 years.”

The nations of the world are becoming more and more dependent on one another and it will not be possible to preserve a lasting peace so long as glaring economic and social imbalances persist. --Pope John 23rd

Winny Witch's broom broke down over Tonganoxie and she had to witch-hike home. / It may be an M for M&Ms every other day, but on Halloween it's a W for witch.

..........Beatniks are out to make it rich.........Donovan …..Season of the Witch

^^^ Over 300 million bottles of Champagne are produced on an annual basis. The exact number will vary depending on a variety of factors: weather, pests, and anticipated consumption.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Procter & Gamble is advertising a zero water / zero plastic / zero waste soap that can be used as hand soap, shampoo, and toilet cleaner. EC30, I'm not going to try anything that can shampoo my hair and clean my toilet bowl. Carbon Neutral Clean

Weird Word of the Week: Kludge – an ill-assorted collection of poorly-matching parts, forming a distressing whole. http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-klu1.htm

Famous Middle Words: Doom creeps in on rubber treads... Dorothea Tanning All Hallows Eve

Dragon of the Week: Welsh Iron Dragon

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Make finger paint. Let children paint with Barbasol shaving cream on a kitchen table or vinyl tablecloth. For color, sprinkle powdered tempera paint or add a drop of food coloring. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/barbasol.html

Wilene Witch was cited by the WWC (Witches & Wizards Council) for being excessively familiar with her cat. / Mr. Block down the street stole all the butterfingers he gives out on Halloween. He laughs and calls it hot chocolate.

...........Something evil's lurking in the dark.........Michael Jackson …..Thriller

^^^^ The Champagne industry has an annual revenue of over 5 billion dollars.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Thank you for contacting the Abyss. Your scream is very important to us. --Blue Berrymore --Submitted by Philosophy Matters

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: HallowCon 2022 (28-30, Dalton, GA) A FANTASY and HORROR CONVENTION http://www.hallowcon.com/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Conference on Computer Science and Technology (ICCST) (28-29, LA) ...dedicated to bringing together a significant number of diverse scholarly events... https://conferenceindex.org/event/international-conference-on-computer-science-and-technology-iccst-2022-october-los-angeles-us

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Conquer and concur

Brooms leave no carbon footprint. / Almond Joy, the Hollywood star, and Miss Kit Kat were seen giving each other Hersey's kisses on 5^th Avenue.

..........writing on the wall...........Stevie Ray Vaughan and Double Trouble …..Superstition

^^^^^ While normal (non sparkling) wine is created by a single fermentation, a double fermentation is needed to create the bubbles of Champagne that make it sparkling. The first fermentation gives a white or rosé wine. The second is when yeast and sugar is added. This process has a legal requirement of preparation of at least 15 months for a standard champagne or 3 years for a millésime champagne.

My Own Writing of the Week: Artemis was the twin sister of Apollo. She is the goddess of the wilderness, the hunt, animals, and fertility. She and Apollo were both great archers. Mostly, she is the moon goddess, the maiden of the triple goddess - maiden, matron, matriarch

For a while I dated a beautiful young woman, my Artemis. She was stunning and petite, not tall, and her skin was supple and smooth and she was soft everywhere and she smelled delicious. And she was young and nice and intelligent and amusing. Yum! When she approached ecstasy, she made sounds much deeper than her speaking voice suggested. She was sweet to taste and to see. Everywhere I went with her, I felt people were thinking how lucky I was. But she was nearly a child, so I moved on. I didn't need a grown up kid especially, one with benefits.

I once un-re-wrote the Apollo and Daphne myth. It's the one where she turns into a tree to get away from his advances. In my version they meet when he is spending spring break from god school hiking in her woods. They become lovers and then he gets bent out of shape when she expects to go off to the spring orgy "not as a couple" (for Pete sake, it's the spring orgy. Give me a break, would you go to Carnival and not dance? Would you go to a Stones concert and not smoke dope? Besides, I have official duties...) and things deteriorate from there.

I love accordion players , they hold so tight.

From Always Surrender by Christine Smith

Quote of the Week: FIFTEENTH COUNT: AND THE GRAND JURY AFORESAID, by this indictment, further accuses the defendants the Trump Corporation, d/b/a the Tramp Organization, and Allen Weisselberg of the crime of FALSIFYING BUSINESS RECORDS IN THE FIRST DEGREE, in violation of Penal Law § 175.10, committed as follows: The defendants the Trump Corporation, d/b/a the Trump Organization, and Allen ‘Weisselberg in the County of New York and elsewhere, on or about September 2016, with the intent to defraud, altered, erased, obliterated, deleted, removed and destroyed a true entry in the business records of an enterprise, to wit, DonaldJ. Trump's Detail General Ledger, and defendants’ intent to defraud included an intent to commit another crime and to aid and conceal the commission thereof. --The final count in the indictment against the Trump Organization

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Not even Carbon-14 would date you. --Submitted by Heinlein Society

Today's Peace of History, October 28, 1958: Mary Roebling became the first female director of a stock exchange, the American Stock Exchange.

Wiletta Witch claimed her broom was possessed. It didn't obey her and it had its own sweeping gestures. / Creep It Real! / Give 'em pumpkin to talk about.

..........And he vanished in the air.........the Grateful Dead …..Friend of the Devil

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle October 28, 2022, eErie ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith, Lawrence, KS

Moonbeam: Even the most beautiful legs – Marlene Dietrich's, for instance – look better when the kneecap is covered. --Edith Head

Cost of War:

• As of 10/27/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $191,118,610,845.
• As of 10/20/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $190,548,886,303.
• As of 10/27/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,092,917,596,307.
• As of 10/20/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,091,326,345,667.
• As of 10/27/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,119,301,336,375.
• As of 10/20/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,118,682,523,234.
• As of 10/27/22 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,709,858,963,140.
• As of 10/20/22 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,697,796,954,674.
• As of 10/27/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,989,493,271,628.
• As of 10/20/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,988,285,163,251.
• As of 10/27/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,102,691,035,659.
• As of 10/20/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,086,642,152,264.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Today is the World Day of Peace, “No longer slaves, but brothers and sisters.” Because war always makes slaves of us! It is a message that involves all of us. We are all called to combat every form of slavery and to build fraternity , all of us, each one according to his or her own responsibility. Remember well: peace is possible! --Pope Francis

Famous Last Words: ...among the tranquil solitudes of Sleepy Hollow. --The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving

..........She's a restless spirit on an endless flight.........The Eagles …..Witchy Woman

Riding a broom always gives me a clean getaway. / All witches wear black so you can't tell which witch is which.

May Peace be your trick

And Joy be your treat

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Salty ePistle

Famous First Words: In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure-dome decreed... Samuel Taylor Coleridge Kubla Khan

October is National Seafood Month. I went to the Seafood Disco last night and pulled a mussel. There was a big bar fight there. All kinds of fish got battered.

..........Come all without, Come all within.........Manfred Mann …..The Mighty Quinn

October 21, 1967: In Washington, DC, more than 100,000 demonstrators from all over the country surrounded the reflecting pool between the Washington and Lincoln monuments in a largely peaceful protest to end the Vietnam War.

It is a gorgeous Friday morning. The sun is rising and a light wind makes the 54°F seem a little chilly. No clouds hide the azure beauty of the sky so the birds become moving art made of shadows with flecks of white or gold. Up close a quarrel of sparrow are quarreling but somewhere unseen a murder of crows announce their arrival in harsh caws. The lack of rain is turning the lawns from green to the ubiquitous browns and yellows of fall. Leaves have begun to cover the ground and add to the fall color scheme. Skeletons have taken up residence here and there down the block – relaxing in lawn chairs, standing at attention and, of course, digging their way out of the ground. Back home, the kitchen smells of freshly brewed coffee. Puck sleeps on his pillow making occasional snorting noises to the occupants of his dreams. And I am sipping sweetened decaf and getting ready to write to you. Pretty nice morning, all in all.

Hope your weekend is a masterpiece, ePistliers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Kale is so versatile...it fits in literally any trash can.

I know I shouldn't have eaten that seafood. Now I'm feeling eel. / The new Seafood Restaurant downtown is snotty. They only serve fish from Ivy League schools.

..........I lay on my bed, cannot go to sleep.........Elvin Bishop …..Midnight Hour Blues

Trivia Questions: Happy Reptile Awareness Day

^ What is the world's longest snake?

^^ What is the most venomous snake in the world?

^^^ How many layers of skin does a chameleon have?

^^^^ What is the world's biggest reptile?

^^^^^ Is there such a thing as a warm-blooded reptile?

Big Hello: Aloha - Hawaiian https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Ricardo Montalban struggled to find acting roles after “Star Trek 2”. Nobody wanted to hire an ex-Khan. --Submitted by Heinlein Society

Image of the Week: Lord of the Rings has been playing on tv all weekend

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 50% of librarians say the glass is half full, 50% say it's half empty; 100% say you aren't allowed to have it near the computers https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Washington DC is full of lobbysters. / Would Aquaman be a model employee at Red Lobster?

..........Listen all around.........Manfred Mann …..Earth Song

Moonbeam: To oppose something is to maintain it. --Ursula Le Guin

Meditation of the Week: Who are you really? Are you sure? How do you know? --Martin Heidegger

Strange Revelation of the Week: When I first heard about reincarnation I said to myself, “I want to say just the right things to people...to comfort them...the heal them...to make them smile, so that when I come back in the next life I can sing like Maria Muldaur.”

Puzzle of the Week: From listener Melissa DePaola, of Newnan, Ga. Name two things that many houses are built with: "[blank] and [blank]." Drop the first letter of the first thing. Change the last two letters of the second thing to a "Y." And you'll name a popular animated TV show, "[blank] and [blank]." What show is it?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: One day that mailman is going to murder all of you, and I'll be like...ha ha ha, who needs to quit their barking and go lie down now? -_Submitted by mja of ks

Lydia Lobster wears seashells because she outgrew her beeshells. / The Seafood Restaurant out west is being investigated by the IRS for being a shell company in some fishy business deals.

..........From my head down to my feet.........Elvin Bishop …..Let It Flow

^ The reticulated python can grow up to a whopping 33ft (10m), with the green anaconda being second at 30 ft (9m)

Almanac: It is Friday, October 21, 2022. The moon will be new on Tuesday (10/25) and is in Virgo. It is Celebration of The Mind Day, Global Iodine Deficiency Disorder (IDD) Prevention Day, and Reptile Awareness Day. In England it is Trafalgar Day (1805) and in Hong Kong they celebrate the Kite Flying Festival. Because it is the third Friday it is also National Pharmacy Buyer Day.

Among those born on this day were Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772), Alfred B. Nobel (1833), Martin Gardner (1914), Malcolm Arnold (1921), Ursula LeGuin (1929), Manfred Mann (1940), Elvin Bishop (1942), and Carrie Fisher (1956).

On October twenty-first the first total solar eclipse was recorded (2137 BCE), Edison perfected the cotton filament light bulb (1879), women in France were "allowed" to vote (1945), the Guggenheim Museum opened (1959), and Venera 9 was launched (first craft to orbit Venus (1975).

Night Sky, 10/21: Away from the Great Square's left corner runs the main line of Andromeda: three 2nd-magnitude stars about as bright as those of the Square and spaced similarly far apart. The three include the Square's corner. This whole dipper-shaped pattern was named the Andromegasus Dipper by the late Sky & Telescope columnist George Lovi — to accompany the Big and Little Dippers, the Milk Dipper of Sagittarius (nowadays usually subsumed into the Teapot), and the tiny dipper pattern of the Pleiades. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Image of the Week: Seesaw Brothers

This Week: Saturday, October 22 – Make A Difference Day & International Stuttering Awareness Day & INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY

Sunday, October 23 – Mole Day & Mother-in-law Day & TV Talk Show Host Day

This is the day the swallows depart from Capistrano

Night Sky, 10/23: Spot bright Altair high in the southwest soon after dark. Brighter Vega is far to its right. Above Altair lurk two distinctive little constellations: Delphinus the Dolphin, hardly more than a fist at arm's length to Altair's upper left, and smaller, fainter Sagitta the Arrow, slightly less far to Altair's upper right. Sky too bright? Use binoculars!

Monday, October 24 – Accountant's Day & Diwali & Food Day & United Nations Day

Tuesday, October 25 – International Artists Day & Sourest Day & World Pasta Day

Night Sky, 10/25: Solar Eclipse (partial) Visible: Europe, South/west Asia, North/East Africa, Atlantic.

Wednesday, October 26 – Mule Day & Howl at the Moon Night

Thursday, October 27 – Black Cat Day & Navy Day

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. --Maya Angelou

The zoo trained an ape to take care of the fish exhibit. It was a shimpanzee. / Lobsters often refer to their partners as their “butter half”.

..........And you can hitchhike on the highway.........Manfred Mann …..Quit Your Low Down Ways

^^ The bite of an Oxyuranus microlepidotus, also called, appropriately, the fierce snake—delivers a veritable witch’s brew of toxins. The venom consists of taipoxin, a complex mix of neurotoxins, procoagulants, and mycotoxins that paralyze muscles, inhibit breathing, cause hemorrhaging in blood vessels and tissues, and damage muscles. It lives in eastern Australia.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Have you heard about the Great Perfume heist? A fragrant violation of the law. --Submitted by rl of ca

Random Thought of the Week: Who is it that sends out these “if you remember this you have to admit you're old” I know I'm old. I don't need people to show me pictures of wringer washers or rotary phones to know I'm old. I would like to forget about wringer washers – they were back breaking and inefficient. (But clothes dried on a line in the sunshine do smell nice – but are sometimes stiff.)

Moonbeam: There are no right answers to wrong questions. --Ursula Le Guin

Video of the Week: From a list of Physics Song: The Element Song by Tom Lehrer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2cfju6GTNs

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The study shows that the average Briton spends three hours a week sitting on the toilet and only 90 minutes exercising. --Peter Sagal Either way, they're losing weight. --Alonza Bodden --Wait Wait Don't Tell Me October 14, 2017.

October 21, 1983: In the first public action of the new Seattle Nonviolent Action Group (SNAG), 12 people blockaded the Boeing Cruise Missile plant in Kent, Washington; none were arrested.

I ate at Mary Poppins' Restaurant last night. Super cauliflower cheese, but the lobster was atrocious. / The specialty at Luigi's Seafood Hut is Cala-Mario.

..........And I don't wanna see her no more.........Elvin Bishop …..Beer Drinking Woman

^^^ Chameleons have 4 layers of skin, the epidermis, chromatophore, melanophore and nether layers.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: QANON is basically Scientology for hillbillies. --Submitted by 98%

Weird Word of the Week: Jobsworth – a censorious British term for an official who upholds rules at the expense of humanity or common sense. http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-job3.htm

Dragon of the Week: Dragon atop Gringotts Bank in Harry Potter World, Orlando, FL

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean Upholstery. Apply Barbasol shaving cream sparingly to stain and rub gently with a damp cloth. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/barbasol.html

All-You-Can-Eat seafood buffets are such a waste. It's total overkrill. / Sammy Shrimp got a job at the bread factory. He works at the crust station.

...........Love's got a hold on me.........Elvin Bishop …..Fooled Around And Fell In Love

^^^^ Crocodiles, in particular saltwater crocs, are the largest living reptiles in the world. They grow up to 20ft (6m) in length and weigh up to 2,200lb (1,000kg).

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Thanking God for sparing you in a natural disaster is a bit like sending a thank-you note to a serial killer for stabbing the family next door. --Submitted by LaughingInDisbelief

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: MileHiCon 2022 (21=23, Denver, CO) As the very culture of fandom expands, we choose to embrace this growth and change. https://milehicon.org/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: BRUTR2022 (19-21, Toronto) Largest gathering of Black Tech Professionals (Keynote speaker – Trevor Noah) Long URL to get there

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Brick and Mortar → Rick and Morty

Christie Crab because so famous she was considered a shellebrity. / Elon Musk invented a car that runs on seafood. It's very efishent.

..........And I believe it was true.........Manfred Mann …..Waiting For The Rain

^^^^^ The Argentine black and white Tegu is a warm-blooded lizard capable of raising its body temperature during their reproductive time of the year.

My Own Writing of the Week: The beautiful Young Apollo was ever a mystery to me. As we were going out one evening, he asked how he looked. There was only one description that could possibly apply; he looked like a heartache walking.

I walked into his bedroom one afternoon to find him nude in the middle of the bed in full lotus with a rock hard erection. His eyes were closed. His breathing was very even and very slow. My noises didn't move him nor did he open his eyes. So, of course, I undressed and climbed aboard. Unfortunately, the rest was quite nice but very ordinary. Maybe I should have gone for head, instead. (See, I do have some regrets!) He never would tell me how long he sat there like that before I came in nor did he ever admit that he was really waiting for me.

The next day, I sent him a postcard that said "Had a wonderful time, glad you were there".

WARNING: Some lovers are in this work under more than one nickname.

Quote of the Week: Saturday Night Live Skit: Heidi Gardner as Rep. Liz Cheney jokes: "Whether you're a Republican who's not watching or a Democrat who's nodding so hard your head is falling off, one person is responsible for this insurrection: Donald Trump. And one person will suffer the consequences: me."

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Why is that strange patch of grass dressed like a libertine and holding a whip? That's the Marquis de Sod.

I'm on a no seafood diet. It's low crab. / My grandmother gave me her fantastic seafood recipes. But I'm reluctant to try Salmon Ella.

..........Be brave and set Geronimo free.........Manfred Mann …..Geronimo's Cadillac

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle October 21, 2022, Salty ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS

Moonbeam: To light a candle is to cast a shadow. --Ursula Le Guin

Cost of War:

• As of 10/20/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $190,548,886,303.
• As of 10/13/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $190,065,284,344.
• As of 10/20/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,091,326,345,667.
• As of 10/13/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,089,810,760,025.
• As of 10/20/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,118,682,523,234.
• As of 10/13/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,118,093,115,204.
• As of 10/20/22 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,697,796,954,674.
• As of 10/13/22 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,686,307,633,537.
• As of 10/20/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,988,285,163,251.
• As of 10/13/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,987,134,295,491.
• As of 10/20/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,086,642,152,264.
• As of 10/13/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,071,354,862,611.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

October 21, 1994, In an "Agreed Framework" to "freeze" North Korea's nuclear program, the United States and North Korea (Democratic Peoples’ Republic of Korea or DPRK) agreed over the next 10 years to construct two new proliferation-resistant light water-moderated nuclear power reactors (LWRs) in exchange for the shutdown of all their existing nuclear facilities.

Famous Last Words: Finally, it is my express wish that following my death, my arteries be severed, and when this has been done and competent doctors have confirmed clear signs of death, my remains be incinerated in a crematorium. --Alfred Nobel's will.

..........Just in case we both were wrong.........Elvin Bishop …..Think

A lobster is just a crab who throws things. / I don't really like the seafood buffet, but I went for the halibut.

May Peace determine your tides

And Joy inhabit your waves

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Rocky (horror) ePistle

 Famous First Words: if everything happens that can't be done.... e e cummings

Happy Earth Science Week! I just love the way the earth rotates. It just makes my day. / Be patient with geologists. After all, we all have their faults.

..........Hey, Mister Music, sure sounds good to me..........Bob Marley …..Roots, Rock, Reggae

"I say with all the earnestness that I can command, that if American mothers will teach our children that there is no end to the fight for better relationships among the people of the world, we shall have peace." --Dwight Eisenhower

It is a chilly (46°F) Friday morning. The sky is coated with a layer of thin, lumpy clouds with gray bottoms and holes where the rising sun shines through in beautiful, unearthly patterns. 9 mph winds move the clouds to the east north east and shake the yellowing leaves. Birdsong fills the air and the local murder of crows are discussing something important. Autumn is the mellower season when even the green leaves turn to a thousand earth colors that rain down on our heads as we walk. Camus said, when every leaf is a flower. Wonderful morning, sparkling season. Now I sit in the warmth watching the world through my window. Last night's incense still colors the inside air with sandalwood as I sip my creamy coffee. But the very best of all is that I get to write to you.

Hope your weekend rocks, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: At least once a day, I walk outside and say, “Computer, end program,” just in case. --Submitted by Heinlein Society

Geology Test: Name the three types of rock: 1) Classic 2) Hard 3) Punk / You want geology jokes, give me a minute, I'll dig some up.

..........Don't let them fool you..........Bob Marley …..Could You Be Loved

Trivia Questions: Happy World Egg Day !

• ^ What determines the color of the egg shell?
• ^^ How can you tell whether an egg is boiled or raw?
• ^^^ What is the average number of eggs a hen will lay in a year?
• ^^^^ Why chicken eggs? Why not duck or turkey eggs for breakfast?
• ^^^^^ Which US state's chickens produce the most eggs?

Big Hello: Sannu – Hausa (Chad, Nigeria, Ghana, Cameroon, and Benin) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A Pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers, the passenger asks, "Why did you become a Pilot?" The Pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says "You're afraid of heights?". "No, I'm afraid of dying alone".

Image of the Week: Tonight is 2022 Late Night In The Phog. Here's a shot of Snoop Dogg's 2019 performance at Late Night

… Christine's 10^th Universal Theorems: You live in a decaying empire, enjoy.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 100% of library decisions are made when a vote gets a majority of sighs. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Earth is The Planet that tells other planets whether they are planets or not. / To impress the ladies, the biologist wore designer genes.

..........Read it in the news..........Bob Marley …..I Shot The Sheriff

Moonbeam: It is of immense importance to learn to laugh at ourselves. --Katherine Mansfield

Meditation of the Week: How far east can you travel before you are traveling west?

Puzzle of the Week: ...from listener Neville Fogarty of Newport News, Va. Think of two well-known brand names, each in eight letters, that have the same first six letters in the same order. Both brands are of products — one found in the supermarket, one for something used outdoors. And even though the first six letters of the names are the same, they're not pronounced the same. What products are these?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Tetris taught me that if you try to fit in you disappear. --Submitted by bc of tx

Since she took a class in geology, my daughter keeps saying, “May the quartz be with you.” / The scuba diver failed biology because he was always below C-level.

..........and don't be a drag..........Bob Marley …..Lively Up Yourself

^ Breed determines eggshell color. Commercial eggs are brown or white, but some breeds can also lay blue, green, or pink eggs. Egg shell and yolk color can vary but have no effect on taste or quality.

Almanac: It is Friday, October 14, 2022. The moon will go into the first quarter on Monday (10/17) and is in Gemini. It is Be Bald and Be Free Day, National Family Bowling Day (or Kids Bowl Free Day), and World Standards Day. Because it is the second Friday it is also World Egg Day.

Among those born on this day were James II (1633), William Penn (1644), Elwood Haynes (1857), Alexander von Zemlinsky (1871), Katherine Mansfield (1888), Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890), e e cummings (1894), Lillian Gish (1896), C Evertt Koop (1916), Roger Moore (1927), Ralph Lauren (1939), Justin Hayward (Moody Blues, 1946), and Harry Anderson (1952).

On October fourteenth the Battle of Hastings made William conqueror (1066), Mary, Queen of Scots, went to trial (1586), Henry Blair became the first black man to obtain a US patent (corn planter, 1834), Germany withdrew from the League of Nations (1933), Broadcast Music Incorporated (BMI) was formed (1939), Rev Sun Young Moon was released from prison (1950), Peace Corp was first suggested by JFK (1960), Martin Luther King, JR won the Nobel Peace Prize (1964), Koufax pitched his second shutout of the series (against the Twins, 1965), Apollo 7 telecast the first programming from a spacecraft (1968), the first movie from a television program was released (Rescue from Gilligan's Island, 1978), Bob Marley gave his last concert (1980), Elie Wiesel won the Nobel Peace Prize (1986), and the International Olympic Committee began staggering winter and summer games (1986).

Night Sky, 10/14: Once the waning gibbous Moon rises after about 9 pm tonight, look to its right or lower right for bright Mars. They're both between the horntip stars of Taurus (for evening in the Americas). http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Image of the Week: Doctor brothers curing dad

This Week: Saturday, October 15 – National Grouch Day & Global Handwashing Day & Sweetest Day

Sunday, October 16 – Dictionary Day & Global Cat Day & World Food Day

Night Sky, 10/16: Now that it's mid-October, Deneb has replaced Vega as the zenith star after nightfall (for skywatchers at mid-northern latitudes). Accordingly, Capricornus has replaced Sagittarius as the zodiacal constellation low in the south. Vega, meanwhile, is still that brightest star high in the west. Less high in the southwest look for Altair, not quite as bright. Just upper right of Altair, by a finger-width at arm's length, is little orange Tarazed. Down from Tarazed runs the dimmer stick-figure backbone of the constellation Aquila, the Eagle.

Monday, October 17 – National Boss's Day & National Edge Day & Wear Something Gaudy Day

Tuesday, October 18 – Newspaper Comic Strip Appreciation Day & Simchat Torah & World Menopause Day

Wednesday, October 19 – Evaluate Your Life Day & International Pronouns Day & World Statistics Day

Thursday, October 20 – Conflict Resolution Day & International Chefs Day

Night Sky, 10/20 : The 2022 Orionids are already underway and will last through November 22, peaking in the pre-dawn hours of October 21 with about 10-20 meteors per hour. For the best chance of seeing the most spectacular meteors, NASA says to gaze at the southeastern sky about 45 to 90 degrees away from the constellation Orion

To biologists an organic compound with an attitude is known as a-mean-o acid. / My geologist friend, Alex, was in the swimsuit issue of Quartz Illustrated.

..........Oh, let Jah moon come shining in..........Bob Marley …..Turn Your Lights Down Low

^^ To tell the difference between a raw egg and a hard cooked one, spin it. Hard cooked eggs spin easily, raw eggs wobble.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit go to a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asks the rabbit what his blood type is. The rabbit replies, “I'm definitely a type O.” --Submitted by nh of ks

Moonbeam: I am a writer first and a woman after. --Katherine Mansfield

Video of the Week: e e cummings reads Anyone Lived in a Pretty How Town (3:40) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTuClB9Xh6w

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: You cannot mess with the purity of professional fishing. ... Organizers first suspected there was lead in the fish because of the fish's low standardized test scores and difficulty in concentrating. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 10/8/22

"Since the advent of nuclear weapons, it seems clear that there is no longer any alternative to peace, if there is to be a happy and well world." --Dwight Eisenhower

Old geologists never die, they just recrystallize. / Lots of geologists refuse to do field work in Ireland. They have too many sham rocks.

..........See no sun, oh..........Bob Marley …..Misty Morning

^^^ An average hen lays 300 to 325 eggs per year.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Mars is the only known planet inhabited solely by robots. -- Neil Cooksley --Submitted by bc of tx

Weird Word of the Week: Isabelline – a grayish-yellow, light buff, pale cream-brown, dingy yellowish gray or drab. http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-isa1.htm

Dragon of the Week: In honor of Swap Costumes Day (2^nd Saturday) – A dragon costume from Only Dinosaurs

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Remove spots from rugs or carpets. Squirt Barbasol shaving cream on stain, scrub, and wash with water. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/barbasol.html

He claimed to be a geologist, but it turned out he was just a fan of the rolling stones. / It is said that the bacteria crossed the microscope to get to the other slide.

...........We refuse to be what you wanted us to be..........Bob Marley …..Babylon System

^^^^ There are several reasons why we commonly eat chicken eggs instead of duck or turkey eggs. Chickens lay more eggs, they need less nesting space, and they don’t have the strong mothering instincts of turkeys and ducks, which makes egg collection easier.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It occurs to me that Dr. Oz and Herschel Walker might just be using their campaigns as stepping stones to Dancing With The Stars. --Submitted by mm of ia

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: ICON: 47 –The Prime Universe (14-16, Cedar Rapids, IA) https://iowa-icon.com/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: #1AHACK4SUSTAINABILITY – Code the future of travel (14-16, Virtual event) ~~The Strange Name is written in Lego Font...is this really the future of travel? https://1ahack-4-sustainability-landing-page.bemyapp.com/?utm_source=referencing%20platform&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=bizzabo%20blog

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Michelob, Michelin

And on the eighth day, God created geologists. / What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? Au revoir.

..........No chains around my feet..........Bob Marley …..Concrete Jungle

^^^^^ When it comes to the number of eggs laid each year, Iowa leads the nation with more than 14.8 billion eggs produced annually. Ohio is the next state in line, producing 7.9 billion eggs each year. ~~I assume this is a per chicken ratio of some sort, because it never says how many chickens are in any of these states.

My Own Writing of the Week: I know some incredible things about you. I know how you sound when you utterly surrender. I know how tender your touch can be. I even know how you taste. But I don't know your middle name or where you grew up or why you were here. --note stuck on a hotel mirror

A Pantheon of young Apollos

Apollo was the twin brother of Artemis, goddess of all things wild. He is the god of music and plays a golden lyre. He taught medicine to humankind. He and Artemis both are great archers. Mostly, he is the god of Truth and Light (Sun).

Apollo was a nickname I assigned to tall lovers. To some I revealed the sobriquet and with others it was my secret label. I had other lovers that weren't Apollos and weren't tall and I had a couple of tall lovers that did not earn the epithet. I do not know if it was their height that gave the Apollos that extra dollop of sexual zest or if it was their height that gave me an extra dollop of sexual desire; but the tall ones pretty much became Apollo.

I once woke up in the night next to a golden Apollo. He was lean and had golden brown hair just a tad longer than the fashion of the time. He was a couple of years younger than I was and it seemed to show as he slept. And he slept beautifully, obviously oblivious of the lure that radiated from him. He practically glowed in the dark with it. I took a moment and propped on my arm to watch and meditate on his breathing. Umm Ummm Um!

I thought it would be a delight for him to wake up rock hard in my mouth, mid-suck, as it were. So I carefully shifted around under the covers moving slowly and in tiny increments. Then, I began to make love to the source of the lucidly lurid energy. I started slowly from the bottom to the top making it wet, making it hard with my hands and my mouth and finally even with my hair. His cock was long and lean like his body and it responded deliciously.

After a while in this titillating eternity, his body shuttered softly but he did not move. A moment later, I heard his voice and I froze. "Which bounteous gift thou shouldst in bounty cherish...", he was mumbling. Shakespeare, really? Sonnets? Wanting no truck with lit-er-a-ture in the middle of the night or the middle of the blow job, for that matter, I returned to my savory chore and in exactly sixteen easy strokes arrived at the desired result.

Next morning over breakfast, he claimed he was quoting poetry to keep himself from coming before he had gotten to the best part. Brief Encounters II from Always Surrender by Christine Smith

Quote of the Week: It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions that by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong. --Thomas Sowell.

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If my body is a temple, I want to speak to the Building Maintenance Committee

Today's Peace of History, October 14, 1979: The first national gay and lesbian march for civil rights in Washington, D.C., drew over 100,000 demanding an end to all social, economic, judicial, and legal oppression of lesbian and gay people.

That biologist is always posting cell-fies. / Rock puns were way funnier during the Stone Age.

..........Life is one big road with lots of signs..........Bob Marley …..Wake Up And Live

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle October 14, 2022, Rocky (Horror) ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS

Moonbeam: I love the rain. I want the feeling of it on my face. --Katherine Mansfield

Cost of War:

• As of 10/13/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $190,0065,284,344.
• As of 10/06/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $189,434,915,967.
• As of 10/13/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,089,810,760,025.
• As of 10/06/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,088,214,878,242
• As of 10/13/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,118,093,115,204.
• As of 10/06/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,117,472,531,650.
• As of 10/13/22 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,686,307,633,537.
• As of 10/06/22 Veterans Care since 2001: $2,674,211,746,691.
• As of 10/13/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,987,134,295,491.
• As of 10/06/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,985,922,763,504.
• As of 10/13/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,071,354,862,611.
• As of 10/06/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,055,259,645,686.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

"There can be no true disarmament without peace, and there can be no real peace without very material disarmament." --Dwight Eisenhower

Famous Last Words: I shall still go as far as any man in preserving it in all its just rights and liberties. --James II From his speech to the Privy Council about ascending to the throne of England

..........good over evil, yeah..........Bob Marley …..War

Geology jokes are pieces of schist. / Hey, that wasn't gneiss.

May Peace shine from your eyes

And Joy sing with your lips

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: