archys epistle

 Famous First Words: To provide for research into problems of flight within... National Aeronautics and Space Act of 1958

Happy Birthday to Don Marquis – father of Archy & Mehitabel. The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race. --Don Marquis / myself i would rather have half the happiness and twice the longevity --mehitabel the alley cat

~~In case you are unfamiliar with Don Marquis and Archy and Mehitabel. Archy is a cockroach who typed out columns by jumping from one typewriter key to the next. That is why there are no capitals and no punctuation that would require 2 keys at once. archy was a friend of mehitabel and told her stories in the column publisher under the name of Don Marquis.

I need to get my life together. This weather made me realize I can't go to hell. --RHOZ

..........Let the toast start.........Sigmund Romberg …..Drink Drink Drink (The Student Prince)

“The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money.” --Alexis de Tocqueville

It is a comfortable Friday morning. 75°F is a comfortable temperature and mixed clouds with visible sky is beautiful as well as shielding from the sun without the threat of rain. Puck and I walked this morning to the sound of bird chatter and motor cars. Then I took Jeff to the bank and the tobacco shop and his physical therapy appointment. And now I am home, Puck has settled at my feet. In order to relax into my sending out the ePistle mood, I am sipping fresh decaf with a French Vanilla creamer (we're out of ½ n ½) and enjoying a bite of blueberry muffin. A couple of days of rain has greened up the lawns that were beginning to show brown or unhealthy looking yellow grass. The muffin is finished and so is my prep...welcome to archys epistle.

Hope your weekend is wild, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Forget dancing like noone is watching. Dance like a toddler. They don't even care if there's music. --Submitted by ks of kc

An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe it. --Don Marquis / you want to know whether i believe in ghosts of course i do not believe in them if you had known as many of them as I have you would not believe in them either. --archy the cockroach

I just saw the devil in Wal-Mart buying an air conditioner.

..........the moon was new and so was love.........Sigmund Romberg …..Lover Come Back (New Moon)

Trivia Questions: Happy Lasagna Day!

• ^ Do you have any idea where the word lasagna comes from?
• ^^ More or less in what century does lasagna appear in print?
• ^^^ What is the plural of lasagna?
• ^^^^ Just how heavy was the largest lasagna ever made?
• ^^^^^ What cartoon character is a lasagna lover?

Big Hello: Bonjour – French https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If Adam & Eve had been Cajuns, they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple and saved us all a lot of trouble. --Submitted by bc of tx

Max Picture of the Week: Max in Violin of the Red Mask

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: It's so hot, 45% of librarians have removed their outer cardigan layer. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

I never think at all when I write; nobody can do two things at the same time and do them both well. --Don Marquis / Life if one damned kitten after another. --Mehitabel the alley cat

I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.

..........shoulder to shoulder and bolder and bolder.........Sigmund Romberg …..Stout Hearted Men (Desert Song)

Moonbeam: Peacekeeping is not a job for soldiers, but only soldiers can do it. --Dag Hammarskjold

Meditation of the Week: Do we have free will? --Democritus

Puzzle of the Week: This challenge comes from Adam Cohen, of Brooklyn. Name a food item in seven letters. Move the first letter to the fifth position and you'll get two words that are synonyms. What are they? --NPR Puzzle Sunday 7/24/22

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You know...with everything I've been through, I'm really proud to say I've never been featured on The First 48 or America's Most Wanted.

Week of the Week: National Tequila Week (24-30) --I always keep salt and tequila handy, in case life hands me lemons. / One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Fishing: a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes. --Don Marquis / personally my ambition is to get my time as a cockroach shortened for good behavior and be promoted to a revenue officer, it is not much of a step up but I am humble. --archy the cockroach

I put a DVD of Frozen in the machine and it played Waterworld.

..........And we'll always see you through.........Sigmund Romberg …..Your Land and My Land (My Maryland)

^ The word “lasagna” referred to the pot in which the food was cooked. It is thought that the word “lasagna” is derived from the Greek word for “chamber pot.

Almanac: It is Friday, July 29, 2022. The moon was new yesterday (7/28) and is in Leo. It is Lasagna Day, National Chicken Wing Day, Rain Day, System Administrator Appreciation Day, and

Tiger Day. In Gilroy, California it is the weekend of the Garlic Festival and in Norway it is Olsok Eve Festival (celebrated since 1030). Because it is the last Friday in July it is also National Talk in An Elevator Day and Lumberjack Day.

Among those born on this day were Alexis de Tocqueville (1805), Alica Roosevelt (1861), Rasputin (1871), Don Marquis III (1878), Benito Mussolini (1883), Sigmund Romberg (1887), William Powell (1892), Isidor Isaac Rabi (1898), Clara Bow (1905), Dag Hammarskjold (1905), Professor Irwin Corey (1914), Richard Egan (1921), Mikis Theodorakis (1925), Nancy Kassebaum (1932), Elizabeth Dole (1936), and Peter Jennings (1938).

On July twenty-ninth the Spanish Armada was defeated (1588), the first sugar plantation in Hawaii began (1935), the Southern California Golf Association was formed (1899), the first transcontinental phone link was made (NYC to SF, 1914), Disney's Steamboat Willie was released (1928), Olympic National Park was established (1938), the 14th modern Olympic games opened (London, 1948), the International Atomic Energy Agency was established (UN, 1957), Jack Paar's Tonight show premiered (1957), the Space Act and NASA were signed into law (1958), Help staring the Beatles premiered (1965), the Greeks chose a republic over a monarchy (1973), Pioneer 11 transmitted images of Saturn and its rings (1978), Bonnie Prince Charlie married lady Diana (1981), and the last Playboy Club in the US closed (1988).

Night Sky, 7/29: The Big Dipper hangs diagonally in the northwest after dark. From its midpoint, look to the right to find Polaris (not very bright) glimmering due north as always. Polaris is the end of the Little Dipper's handle. The only other Little Dipper stars that are even moderately bright are the two forming the outer end of its bowl: 2nd-magnitude Kochab and 3rd-magnitude Pherkad. Find them to Polaris's upper left, one over the other, by about a fist and a half at arm's length. They're called the Guardians of the Pole, since they ceaselessly circle around Polaris through the night and through the year. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Basket of Brothers

This Week: Saturday, July 30 – National Share A Hug Day & Cheesecake Day & Paperback Book Day

Sunday, July 31 – National Mutt Day & National Avocado Day & National Orgasm Day

Night Sky, 7/31: Face southeast after darkness is complete. Look a little more than halfway from horizontal to overhead, and there's Altair, the brightest star in that immediate area. A finger-width above it is its little sidekick Tarazed (Gamma Aquilae), two magnitudes fainter and far in the background. Tarazed is actually 100 times more luminous than Altair — it's an orange giant — but it's 390 light-years away compared to Altair's distance of just 17 light-years.

Monday, August 1 – Lammas Day (Merry Loaf mass) & Girlfriend's Day & National Mahjongg Day

Tuesday, August 2 – National Coloring Book Day & National Night Out

Wednesday, August 3 – Friendship Day & Watermelon Day

Night Sky, 8/3 : Saturn, magnitude +0.4 in western Capricornus, rises in twilight and glows low in the east-southeast after dark. The little star 1½° below it is Delta Capricorni, magnitude 2.8. Saturn is highest in the south for best telescopic viewing around 2 a.m. Saturn's rings appear roughly as wide, end to end, as Jupiter's disk.

Thursday, August 4 – Coast Guard Day & Single Working Women's Day

An optimist is a man who has never had much experience. --Don Marquis / i once heard the survivors of a colony of ants that had been partially obliterated by a cow's foot seriously debating the intention of the gods towards their civilization. --mehitabel the alley cat

New York City just approved a million dollars in deodorant for the Statue of Liberty.

..........I'll love you in life's gray December.........Sigmund Romberg …..Will You Remember (Maytime)

^^ The oldest transcribed text about lasagna appears in 1282 in the Memoriali Bolognesi ("Bolognesi Memorials"), in which lasagna was mentioned in a poem transcribed by a Bolognese notary.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Have you ever accidentally woken up at 5 am and had the horrifying realization that some people do this on purpose to exercise? --Submitted by INRITH

Moonbeam: Friendship needs no words. --Dag Hammarskjold

Video of the Week: Happy Lumberjack Day Here's Monty Python with The Lumberjack Song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FshU58nI0Ts

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The authors of the study say no one should drink until they are 40. This is 19 years later than when people currently begin drinking, 23 years if you were cool. --Tom Papa Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 7/23/22

In politics, shared hatreds are almost always the basis of friendships. --Alexis de Tocqueville

A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. --Don Marquis / every cloud has its silver lining but sometimes a little difficult to get to the mint. --archy the cockroach

It's a good thing there's no snow. Imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

..........It is the drum, drum, drum.........Sigmund Romberg …..The Riff Song (Desert Song)

^^^ The plural of lasagna is lasagne. It refers to the lasagna noodle, not to the baked entree.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Seeking One Night Stand – maybe two, I have two lamps. --Submitted by bc of tx

Weird Word of the Week: Zymurgy – the art or practice of fermentation... http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-zai1.htm

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie, Grandma, and the Mermaid

~~It seems to me there are way more interesting places to take children than when I was entertaining children.

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Make maple frosting. Combine one stick of margarine, one-third cup of Aunt Jemina Original Syrup, and three to four cups powdered sugar. Beat until desired thickness. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/auntjemima.html

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. --Don Marquis / if you make people think they're thinking they'll love you but if you really make them think they'll hate you --mehitabel the alley cat

Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.

...........And the moon up above and a thing called love.........Sigmund Romberg …..The Birds and the Bees (Up In Central Park)

^^^^ Polish chefs constructed a mindbogglingly large lasagna to honor the Italian soccer team’s run in the 2012 Euro Cup. Weighing in at 5.29 tons, it trumped the previous world record: 4.09 tons.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere , may be happy. – H L Mencken

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Confluence (29-31, Pittsburgh, PA) --The most underrated writing conference around. https://confluence-sff.org/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: 1152nd International conference on Law and Society (ICLS) (28-29, Philadelphia, PA) --scientific information interchange between researchers, engineers, scientists, academicians, developers, students, and practitioners

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Brisket → risk, bet

Publishing a book of poetry is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo. --Don Marquis / pity the meek for they shall inherit the earth. --archy the cockroach

It's hotter than a Plan B pill at an evangelical bible camp.

..........Happy surprise that the sun shines on today.........Sigmund Romberg …..I'll Be With You in Apple Blossom Time (Blossom Time)

^^^^^ Garfield the cat...loves lasagna...hates Mondays.

My Own Writing of the Week: Apollo and Daphne's was a brief affair, hardly more than a millennium. It was, naturally, whirlwindish and noisy.

Apollo had just finished Divinity School and was on holiday before settling down to the work of forming his worship, choosing a priesthood, writing liturgies, and the other endless administrative tasks of godheadhood. He was backpacking in the mountains and had set up camp under a laurel tree.

Yeah, you guessed it. The tree was really Daphne getting a moon tan. She watched with growing interest and lust (causing her leaves to make giggling movements) as he did his evening exercises which consisted of gleaming various colors. He was as yet still learning and on occasion still got greens and browns mixed with the pure pinks and purples. Since it was a holiday and he wasn't serious, he soon began shooting beams at clouds to see if he could set them aflame. --Daphne & Apollo by Christine Smith

Quote of the Week: Everyone thinks of changing the world but no one thinks of changing himself. --Leo Tolstoy

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm no cactus expert but I know a prick when I see one.

Today's Peace of History: July 29, 1970: After a 5-year strike, the United Farm Workers (UFW) signed a contract with the table grape growers in California, ending the first grape boycott.

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: Whose? --Don Marquis / prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into. --archy the cockroach

Alaska is shipping sunscreen to the polar bears.

..........consoles you in blue reflections.........Sigmund Romberg …..The Phantom Waltz (Poor Little Ritz Girl)

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle July 29, 2022, archys epistle Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS

Moonbeam: For all that has been, Thanks. To all that shall be, Yes. --Dag Hammarskjold

Cost of War:

• As of 7/28/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $183,868,571,309.
• As of 7/21/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $183,344,217,996.
• As of 7/28/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,072,667,541,706.
• As of 7/21/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,071,202,904,206.
• As of 7/28/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,111,426,299,963.
• As of 7/21/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,110,856,735,277.
• As of 7/28/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,556,357,104,044.
• As of 7/21/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,545,255,789,522.
• As of 7/28/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,974,118,219,940.
• As of 7/21/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,973,006,161,059.
• As of 7/28/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,898,441,516,211.
• As of 7/21/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,883,668,375,561.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

There are no nations! There is only humanity. And if we don't come to understand that right soon, there will be no nations, because there will be no humanity. ” --Isaac Asimov

Famous Last Words: You have been peachy to me always. --Jack Paar ~~Just before walking off the set of his show forever

..........the light of love comes stealing.........Sigmund Romberg …..Softly As The Morning Sunrise (The New Moon)

Even my artificial flowers are wilting.

A hypocrite is person who – but who isn't? --Don Marquis /it is better to be a part of beauty for one instant and then cease to exist than to exist forever and never be a part of beauty --mehitabel the alley cat

May Peace fill your soul

And Joy fill your heart

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Zoic ePistle

 Famous First Words: This Charter, together with all amendments, if any, --Charter of the City of Albany

It's National Zoo Keeper Week (17-23): I went to the zoo and I saw a baguette in a cage. I asked Zeta the zookeeper about it. She said it was bread in captivity. / Zechariah the zookeeper lost one of the elephants. He put a personal ad in all the local newspapers, but elephants can't read, so it didn't do any good.

.......wild-eyed pistol wavers who ain't afraid to die.........Don Henley …..All She Wants To Do Is Dance

The world is now too small for anything but brotherhood. --Arthur Powell Davies

It is a gorgeous Friday morning. The thermometer is currently at 76°F on its march upward. Today's sky is a restful slate blue with tiny wisps of clouds, or decaying jet streams, or parties of water molecules gathered together for a leisurely flight south. Birds are flitting about and I can hear them chirp but it is cicada humming that dominates the soundtrack. While the soil is beginning to crack under the foliage, the lawns and flower beds and gardens are green and lush. Puck coaxes me across the street to greet the cleaning crews that meet down the block before venturing into today's dirty houses. He sniffs the bag and it is only bottles of cleaning stuff so he moves on back towards home. And home feels cooler than the world and smells of coffee and incense. It is friendly and familiar. Puck drinks his saucer of ½ and ½ while I doctor up my decaf, Now he is curled at my feet sleeping off the vigorous exercise of a walk down the block and back. I sip the hot sweet liquid, mmuum. Even better, now I get to sit almost still and think about you.

Have a wise prinning weekend, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Charcuterie is French for “I'd like a sandwich, but I don't have any bread.”

Zoey the Zookeeper works in the zoo's new replacement Pachyderm Palace. It was still brand new and only open to the public on Tuesdays. It's a periodic stable of elephants.

..........where the tree of life in eternal bloom.........Don Henley …..The Unclouded Day

Trivia Questions: Alex Trebek would have turned 82 today.

• ^ We all know that Alex was Canadian; in what city was he born?
• ^^ What was Alex's full name?
• ^^^ Do you know anything about Alex's higher education?
• ^^^^ What was Alex's early experience in broadcasting?
• ^^^^^ What other game shows did Trebek host?

Big Hello: Terve – Finnish https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A tawny owl has taken over the kids' old paddling pool. Now it's a #hoottub

Max Picture of the Week: Spiderman Max plays the harp

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 14% of librarians have an “emergency reading” book they use in high anxiety situations. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Zebulon the Zookeeper called the kitchen and said, “we're out of camel food”. And the animal chef said, “Alpaca lunch”. / Elephants at the Gage Park Zoo in Topeka are wrinkly because Zuzie the zookeeper refuses to iron them.

..........The poor stay poor, the rich get rich.........Don Henley …..Everybody Knows

Moonbeam: The energy of an electron after the collision is studied by determining the retarding potential which it can still overcome. --Gustav Ludwig Hertz

Meditation of the Week: How do you decide what is right and what is wrong? --David Hume

Puzzle of the Week: Write down the last names of two U.S. Presidents (6,4). Move a letter from the second name into the first one. You'll name a vehicle that's used for special occasions. What is it? --NPR Sunday Puzzle 7/17/22

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Philosophy is when you add the term “itself” to anything you say and the more often you use it, the philosophier it is. – Immanuel Kant

Insult of the Week: Intelligent thoughts have always followed him but he was faster. --Russian

Zara the zookeeper lost her job at the San Diego zoo. She didn't think it was fair. There were signs everywhere saying “Do Not Feed the Animals”. So she didn't. / Ziggy the zookeeper could take his elephant on vacation because her trunk wouldn't fit under the seat in front.

..........Too many blessings, too little appreciation.........Don Henley …..My Thanksgiving

^ Alex was born in Sudbury, Ontario, Canada.

Almanac: It is Friday, July 22, 2022. The moon went into the last quarter last Wednesday (7/20) and is in Taurus. It is Fragile X Awareness Day, National Penuche Fudge Day, Rat-catchers Day, Spooners (Spoonerism) Day, and Pi Approximation Day (22/7) aka Casual Pi Day. In Poland it is Liberation Day (1944) and in Swaziland they celebrate the King's Birthday.

Among those born on this day were Philip the Handsome (1506), Gregor Mendel (1822), **William Archibald Spooner (1844), Emma Lazarus (1849), Edward Hopper (1882), Gustav Hertz (1887), Raymond Chandler (1888), Alexander Calder (1898), Robert Dole (1923), Margaret Whiting (1924), Orsen Bean (1928), Yuri P Artyukhin (1930), Oscar de la Renta (1932), Alex Trebek (1940), George Clinton (1941), Sparky Lyle (1944), Bobby Sherman (1945), Albert Brooks (1947), Don Henley (1947), and Willem Dafoe (1955). **Wise Prinning is a Spoonerism for Prize Winning

On July twenty-second the second Roanoke Island colony was established (1587), the City of Albany was chartered (NY, 1686), Cleveland was founded (OH, 1796), the 5th modern Olympics closed (Stockholm, 1912), Kerensky became Russian PM (1917), Caterina Jarboro sang Aida and became the first negro prima donna in the US (1933), Wiley Post completed the first round-the-world solo flight (1933), Jane Matilda Bolin became the first black female judge (NYC, 1939), Poland adopted its constitution (1952), Sonny Liston KOed Floyd Robinson (1963), Aretha Franklin was arrested for distrubing the peace (Detroit, 1969), and Venera 8 landed softly on Venus (1972).

Night Sky, 7/22: Bright Arcturus is still pretty high after dark, but as summer progresses, it moves down the western side of the evening sky. Its pale ginger-ale tint always helps identify it. Off to its right is the Big Dipper. Arcturus forms the bottom point of the Kite of Bootes. The Kite, rather narrow, extends upper right from Arcturus by 23°, about two fists at arm's length. The lower side of the kite is dented inward, as if some invisible celestial intruder banged into it. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Brothers Picture of the Week: Ollie and Max staring out the window of an airborne plane

This Week: Saturday, July 23 – Gorgeous Grandma Day & Hot Enough For Ya Day

Sunday, July 24 – Pioneer Day (Utah – This must be the place) & Cousins Day & Tequila Day & Tell An Old Joke Day

Night Sky, 7/24: Mars, magnitude +0.3 in Aries, rises around 1 am and hangs high in the east-southeast as dawn begins. It's about three fists lower left of bright Jupiter. Mars is still very small in a telescope, 8 arcseconds in apparent diameter.

Monday, July 25 – Carousel Day aka Merry-Go-Round Day & Hire A Veteran Day & Red Shoe Day for Lyme Disease

Tuesday, July 26 – Americans With Disabilities Day & Aunts and Uncles Day & Bagelfest Day

Wednesday, July 27 – Love Is Kind Day & National Korean Armistice Day & Take Your Houseplant For A Walk Day

Night Sky, 7/27: Saturn, magnitude +0.4 in western Capricornus, rises in the east-southeast in late twilight. It's highest in the south for best telescopic viewing in the two hours before dawn (4:19 am cdt). (Dawn begins now about 2 hours before sunrise.)

Thursday, July 28 – Buffalo Soldiers Day & National Waterpark Day

Zane the new zookeeper was killed at work. Moral: No lion on your resume / Zally the zookeeper couldn't remember what to call the elephants. Her boss said, “it's irelephant”

..........But you can't teach my heart to forget.........Don Henley & Dolly Parton …..When I Stop Dreaming

^^ He was born George Alexander Trebek.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Remember, I am under no obligation to make sense to you. --Submitted by Where My Demons Hide

Suggestion of the Week: We should start naming heat waves after fossil fuel companies. --Submitted by MMS ~~The first in line alphabetically is British Petroleum known as BP or beepee. Let's call this one Beepee.

Moonbeam: If you're hanging around with nothing to do and the zoo is closed, come over to the Senate. You'll get the same kind of feeling and you won't have to pay. --Robert Dole

Video of the Week: Next weekend Little Feat is coming to KC on a reunion tour. Here's Little Feat doing Don't Bogart That Joint (the one minute version, not the ten minute one –you're welcome) Little Feat (Live) "Don't Bogart That Joint" (1978) - YouTube

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: What will we see next from the James West Telescope? The reason we don't know exactly how old the universe is, is because it's had work done. --Adam Burke Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 7/16/22

Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace. --Amelia Earhart

Zelda the zookeeper caught me smoking a camel. I told her I'd kill a giraffe too if she didn't keep his mouth shut./ Zamuel the zookeeper cared for an elephant with such a long trunk they called it a smellephant.

..........And I play it as it lays.........Don Henley …..The Cost Of Living

^^^ Trebek graduated from the University of Ottawa with a degree in philosophy in 1961.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There are no white people in the Bible. Take all the time you need with this...

Weird Word of the Week: Yedsirag – foreman, crew head ...from Oxfordshire, England World Wide Words: Yedsirag

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie meets the Hula Hoop

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Condition hair and prevent split ends and frizzes. Massage Aunt Jemima Original Syrup into dry hair, cover hair with a shower cap (or wrap your head in Saran Wrap_ for thirty minutes, then shampoo and rinse thoroughly. Aunt Jemima® Original Syrup: Wacky Uses

One of the jobs of Zachariah the Zookeeper was to groom the koalas. When Kelly the Koala saw her reflection in a mirror she said, “Eucalyptus!”. / Zuri the zookeeper was appointed curator of the Zoo's Tooth Museum because she's a multi-tusker.

...........You know the boys in the newsroom got a running bet.........Don Henley …..Dirty Laundry

^^^^ "I went to school (college) in the mornings and worked at nights; I did everything, at one time replacing every announcer in every possible job." He would eventually read the CBC national radio news and cover a wide range of special events for Canadian Broadcasting Company radio and television including curling and horse racing.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Absurdity is the state assigning you The Grapes of Wrath at 16 and tear gassing you at 26 for understanding it. --Aren R LeBrun

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: ConGregate 8 (22-24, Winston-Salem, NC) Speculative fiction convention in the Piedmont Triad region. ConGregate 8 (con-gregate.com)

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Collective Nouns: A large group of Karens is called a Homeowners' Association. --Submitted by rk of ks

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Conference on Science and Technology (21-22, Tokyo, Japan) academic scientists, researchers and research scholars to exchange and share their experiences and research results International Conference on Science and Technology ICST in July 2022 in Tokyo (waset.org)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Carter, Bush --> Charter bus

The bear in our local zoo is losing his eyesight, so Zain the zookeeper decided to try some prescription glasses on him. It's quite a grizzly spectacle. / Zara the zookeeper was famous for her Pachyderm Float. 2 scoops of ice cream, banana soda, and enough elephant to fill the glass.

..........And there ain't enough whiskey in Texas.........Don Henley …..You're Not Drinking Enough

^^^^^ Alex has hosted The Wizard of Odds (73), High Rollers (75-76 & 78-80), Double Dare (not the one on Nickelodeon, 77), The Pillsbury Bake-Off (94), The $128,000 Question (98). He began hosting Jeopardy in 1984.

My Own Writing of the Week: I became convinced that any woman could enjoy sex and be good or bad for wholly other reasons. Many women enjoy sex and are good women, in spite of the allegedly morally corrosive nature of it. Why did society teach us not to enjoy it? If you enjoy your time in the bedroom, you might begin to want to enjoy yourself at work, in the kitchen, in your life in general. It could lead to women wanting meaningful jobs and adequate pay. My own sainted mother once said that while she didn't much like being pregnant she did like "making babies". (By the way, she said this when I was well into my adult years and had children of my own, not when I was a teenager and could have used a little direction.)

Among those of us trying to cope with this mess the most common response was to pretend to not like sex. Lots of women tried this; many had affairs later so they didn't have to pretend all the time. Some let their husbands in on the joke. But we still didn't talk about it.

Things haven't changed a whole lot, women on television today (comedy and drama) are allowed to be doctors and lawyers and pilots but the men around them, men who are doctors or lawyers are so totally disgusted by words like period and blood that they resort to noises and lowering their eyes. So we're still telling girls to be ashamed of their bodies. --Always Surrender: Memories, observations, micro-stories, fantasies, and lies from my life as an insurgent in the sexual revolution

Quote of the Week: This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. --Dorothy Parker in her review of Atlas Shrugged.

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Archaeologists working at the ancient city of Pompeii Italy uncovered the ruins of the house Keith Richards grew up in.

Today's Peace of History, July 22, 1987: President Ronald Reagan signed into law the Stewart B. McKinney Homeless Assistance Act (named for a member of Congress from Connecticut) which provided emergency relief provisions for shelter, food, mobile health care, and transitional housing for homeless Americans.

Zookeeper Kevin failed so badly by letting the lions escape, he lost his pride. / Zephyr the zookeeper was trying to explain to her boss how the baby elephant fell into the pond. “What was the first thing that happened after he fell in?, she asked. “He got wet”, Zephyr replied.

..........to Six Flags Over Jesus.........Don Henley …..Little Tin God

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle July 22, 2022, Zoic ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS

Moonbeam: He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food. --Raymond Chandler

Cost of War:

• As of 7/21/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $183,344,217,996.
• As of 7/14/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $182,758,771,043.
• As of 7/21/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,071,202,904,206.
• As of 7/14/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,069,567,707,119.
• As of 7/21/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,110,856,735,277.
• As of 7/14/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,110,220,810,080.
• As of 7/21/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,545,255,789,522.
• As of 7/14/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,532,860,725,142.
• As of 7/21/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,973,006,161,059.
• As of 7/14/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,971,754,259,362.
• As of 7/21/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,883,668,375,561.
• As of 7/14/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,867,175,351,792.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Let us bring equality, justice, and peace for all. Not just the politicians and the world leaders, we all need to contribute. Me. You. It is our duty. --Malala Yousafzai

Famous Last Words: See, brightly opens the sky, an endless morrow; there all unshadowed eternal shall glow! --Aida's final words

..........Your pain and your hunger, they're driving you home.........The Eagles with Don Henley …..Desperado

Last month Zander applied for a zookeeper position in Australia. Today, he received a rejection letter. They said he didn't have the right koalafications. / Zoolander the zookeeper was in charge of “enrichment” for the elephants. He invented elevision.

May Peace fill your heart

And Joy fill your mind

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Legendary ePistle

Famous First Words: Charles the Second, by the grace of God... Charter of the Royal Society of London

Happy Birthday to Thomas Bulfinch – the original myth buster. Greek Mythology in 5 words: Unfortunately, Zeus was feeling horny. / I wish Medusa would stop objectifying people.

..........I'll beg his forgiveness on bended knee..........Linda Ronstadt …..You're No Good

Gratitude is the memory of the heart. --St Mary MacKillop

It is a very welcome rainy Friday. The sky is an artwork of clouds – thick and billowy here, thick, smooth slate gray there, and now and again thin enough to let the sun light them from behind. Birds are mostly silent and the raindrops are soft and make no sound as they find the ground. So car motors compose the soundtrack. Jeff and I ran some errands early while Puck sulked under the bed. He still has not come out to greet me. I take a deep breath as I close the garage door; it smells of damp soil and happy foliage and summer. Inside, the house smells of brewing coffee and unhappy animals. Onyx runs out the door as soon as it is open, then runs right back in. I doctor a cup of the very decaf that makes the house smell welcoming and bring it close to my face so that I can absorb the aroma with the steam. I sit down and my computer, let a small, warm gulp roll down my throat and smile, because now I get to think about you.

Hope your weekend is legendary, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Dammit, I wish one of my personalities liked to clean.

My lack of knowledge of Greek Mythology was a real Achilles' elbow in Classics 101. / Oh, to be an oracle who spends all day making cryptic prophecies for people to woefully misinterpret.

..........I've been cheated, been mistreated..........Linda Ronstadt …..When Will I Be Loved

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to San Francisco's Merchant's Exchange!

• ^ Exactly what is the Merchant's Exchange?
• ^^ What unique service did the watchmen on the roof provide?
• ^^^ Before moving to their current location at 465 California St, where was the exchange located?
• ^^^^ What famous or infamous club was on the 15^th floor of the new skyscraper?
• ^^^^^ And who was Julia Morgan?

Big Hello: Bula – Fijian https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Existence is a scam made up by philosophers to sell more philosophy. --Submitted by Philosophy Matters

Max Picture of the Week: Max and a rare shot of Spiderman's mom

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: The hardest part of the morning for a librarian is deciding which library or literary-themed article of clothing to wear to work https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

The gods at 4:20: Zeus (hits joint) “Okay so like, it's gonna have a duck bill. But an otter body, okay, and then a beaver tail. It's a mammal, but it lays eggs! Hades (passes joint back) “Wait, give it poison. Make it poisonous. / Athena (lights a new one) You mean venomous. Poseidon (Bogarting the joint) It should be aquatic.

..........And I dare not drown my sorrow in the warm glow of your wine..........Linda Ronstadt …..Silver Pins and Golden Needles

Moonbeam: We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality. --Iris Murdoch

Meditation of the Week: Which way does a Cyclops wing its eyeliner?

Puzzle of the Week: Name a well-known fictional character in two words. Remove two letters from the first word in the name. The result is the plural form of the second word. What character is this? --NPR Sunday Puzzle 7/10/22

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Don't touch that. It's my emotional support stack of unused notebooks. --Submitted by Writer's Relief

Week of the Week: Hemp History Week (13-19) –The Senate will never smoke weed during session because it would mean passing something. / "Sarah Palin has revealed she has tried marijuana, but she did not like it. You know, it's amazing: 200 million Americans have smoked marijuana. The only ones who don't like it seem to be elected officials. Ever notice that?" –Jay Leno

The chief of gods, Seus, wrote Cyclops in the Hat and Hera Hears A Who. / Poseidon's GPA never rose above Sea-Level

..........You can't see the forest for the trees..........Linda Ronstadt …..Different Drum

^ The Merchants Exchange was an association of city traders and businessmen.

Almanac: It is Friday, July 15, 2022. The moon was full (Wolf) last Wednesday (7/13) and is in Aquarius. It is United Nations: World Youth Skills Day (A/RES/69/145), Be A Dork Day, Gummy Worm Day, and National Pet Fire Safety Day. In Brunei they celebrate the Sultan's Birthday. In Japan it is the Bon Festival aka Feast of Lanterns and Black Ship Day (1853). Pakistan commemorates Mohammed's Ascension.

Among those born on this day were Inigo Jones (1573), Rembrandt (1606), Clement Clarke Moore (1779), Thomas Bulfinch (1796), Mother Cabrini (1850), Iris Murdoch (1919), Harrison Birtwistle (1934), Alex Karras (1935), Linda Ronstadt (1946), and Kathy Kreiner (1956).

On July fifteenth the Royal Society was chartered (1662), the San Francisco Merchant's Exchange opened (1867), Commodore Perry arrived in Japan (1893), the first Buddhist temple in the US was established (LA, 1904), the first airport hotel opened (CA, 1929), the first transatlantic helicopter flight took off (1952), Paul McCartney got a speeding ticket (1963), Goldwater was nominated for president (Republican, 1964), the first close ups of Mars were displayed (1965), One Life to Live premiered (1968), and US troops left northern Iraq (1991).

Night Sky, 7/15: The waning gibbous Moon rises around 10 pm DST, with Saturn above it. They rise higher through the night and shine highest in the south before dawn on the 16th, with Saturn now to the Moon's right. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Berkeley solar car in and around Lawrence. A comment says someone saw 3 such cars on K10 recently.

This Week: Saturday, July 16 – Strawberry Rhubarb Wine Day & Woodie Wagon Day & World Snake Day

Sunday, July 17 – National Hot Dog Day & National Ice Cream Day & World Day for International Criminal Justice

Night Sky, 7/17: With the advance of summer, the Sagittarius Teapot sits in the south-southeast after dark now. It's about the apparent size of your fist at arm's length. The Teapot is just starting to tilt to the right as if to pour. The Teapot will tilt more and more for the rest of the summer — or for much of the night if you stay out late.

Monday, July 18 – Nelson Mandela International Day & Record Store Day

Tuesday, July 19 – Flitch Day & Words With Friends Day

Wednesday, July 20 – Moon Day & Space Exploration Day & World Chess Day

Night Sky, 7/20: As dawn brightens, look for Venus low in the east-northeast. If the sky isn't too bright yet, try for Aldebaran to Venus's upper right by a fist at arm's length or a little more. And maybe even the Pleiades above Aldebaran. Brighter Capella shines farther to Venus's upper left.

Thursday, July 21 – National Be Someone Day & World Body Painting Day

Prometheus would make a good letter carrier because it's a job with a lot of de-livering. / Why couldn't Hades park his chariot at Olympus. He failed to put money in D'meter.

..........Put me through some changes, lord, sort of like a Waring blender..........Linda Ronstadt …..Poor Poor Pitiful Me

^^ Watchmen on the roof would relay messages of arriving ships to the merchants in the meeting room below, so they could then rush to the docks to meet them.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. --Submitted by nh of ks

Moonbeam: The impressions of childhood are never obliterated. --Mother Cabrini

Video of the Week: Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney and everybody else... Here's To The Nights .Facebook

The video features cameos from Patton Oswalt, Taika Waititi, Vanessa Bayer, Mark Hamill, Sam Richardson, Atsuko Okatsuka, Rosanna Arquette, Brandon Wardell, Anders Holm, Moshe Kasher, Natasha Legerro, Reggie Watts, Tim Heidecker, Paul Scheer, Darren Criss, and "Weird Al" Yankovic.

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: It is built in what is quite a beautiful decommissioned public restroom, there in Bristol, England, and it's for everybody who's ever walked into one of these and goes what's brewing in here? --Peter Sagal --Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 7/9/22

Nothing great is ever achieved without enduring much. --St Catherine of Siena

Oedipus is the original mother f*cker. / Achilles ran a house cleaning business. The secret of his success was Ajax.

..........So many questions left unanswered..........Linda Ronstadt & Aaron Neville …..Don't Know Much

^^^ The original Battery Street building was a three-story brick structure built in 1851. It had a library and a meeting room with bulletins on arriving ship Beaux-Arts style. Since it was situated more inland than its predecessor, it had a tower for the purpose of observing ships. This was succeeded by a fifteen-story skyscraper in 1904, which still stands today.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The problem is I can't tell the difference between a deeply wise, intuitive nudge from the Universe and one of my own bone headed ideas. --© Vevey

Weird Word of the Week: Wanion – an altered form of “waniand” used in certain formulas of asseveration and imprecation. World Wide Words: Wanion

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie holding down the tunnel at the park ...maybe he's holding it up

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Prolong the life of a Christmas tree. Cut an extra inch off the bottom of the tree, stand the tree in a bucket of cold water to which one cup of Aunt Jemima Original Syrup has been added, and let the tree soak for two or three days before decorating. Aunt Jemima® Original Syrup: Wacky Uses

Do you wonder if the Greeks made up Dionysus as an excuse to get absolutely wasted? / Medusa caught the eye of a street musician; now he's a rockstar.

...........Send that angel down to me..........Linda Ronstadt & Aaron Neville …..All My Life

^^^^ The Merchants Exchange's fifteenth floor was home to the Commercial Club, a chamber for the city's politicians and socialites to powwow and address issues. After the 1906 earthquake, Mayor James Rolph carried out meetings here to plan for the 1915 Pan-Pacific Exposition as well as fundraisers to finance it. Following renovations in 1995, the Club was renamed the Julia Morgan Ballroom

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Word of the Day: Etm. (abbr.) Latin abbreviation for the literal translation of “and shit”, specifically, “et merda”. Just like “etc.” (and so forth), i.e. (that is), and “e.g.” (for example), “etm.” can be used to abbreviate “and shit”. --Philosophy Matters

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: MetroCon 2022 (15-17, Tampa, FL) Florida's largest Anime Convention … Once-in-a-Lifetime Experiences METROCON – Florida's Largest Anime Convention – 3 Days of Anime, Video Games, Comics, Cosplay, and more in Tampa, FL! (metroconventions.com)

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Esri User Conference (11-15, San Diego, CA) Learn, reconnect, and discover the latest advances in geographic information system (GIS) technology... Esri User Conference: July 11–15, 2022

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Mickey Mouse --> mice, mouse

Persephone was the original Hannah Montana; she had the best of both worlds. / The Queen of the Gods ran a spa as a side hustle. It was called a Hera Salon.

..........Let me make it up to you..........Linda Ronstadt …..Hurts So Bad

^^^^^ Architect Julia Morgan designed the new skylit, marble lobby, which led to the great hall. Morgan designed the hall's iconic marble columns, coffered ceiling, and vaulted skylights. She also commissioned noted maritime artist William Coulter to paint the hall's five murals.

My Own Writing of the Week: Did you know that in addition to the Independence Day shooting in Highland Park, IL there were 9 other public shootings. All together 8 were left dead and 70 were injured. The murders ranged from Sacramento CA to Boston MA and Richmond VA to Kenosha, WI. 70 people were maimed in one day so the arms industry could make a few more bucks. 8 people were killed in one day by poorly regulated militia. By the way, this does not include individual deaths and injuries either accidental (child finds gun and shoot himself, her friend, their sibling) or outright murder (angry husband, scared police officer). What's wrong with us? Why can't we cure ourselves of this need to hurt others...this need to watch suffering in the news and outside our windows...this need to frighten ourselves and people around us, even children. Are we trying to convince ourselves that we are alive by comparison to the dead? --10 Shootings by Christine Smith

Quote of the Week: When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross. --Sinclair Lewis

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We used to have a lost and found department but no one has seen it in years. --Dan Piraro

Today's Peace of History, July 15, 1978: The Longest Walk, a peaceful transcontinental trek for Native American justice, which had begun with a few hundred departing Alcatraz Island, California, ended this day when they arrived in Washington, D.C. accompanied by 30,000 marchers.

Perseus invented Gorgon-zola salad dressing. / Hercules used to love playing Hydra Go Seek at his birthday party.

..........Here I go breaking all the rules..........Linda Ronstadt …..It's So Easy

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle July 15, 2022, Legendary ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS

Moonbeam: The reader will, we apprehend, by this time have had enough of absurdities. --Thomas Bulfinch

Cost of War:

• As of 7/14/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $182,758,771,043.
• As of 7/07/22 State Department War Costs since 2001: $182,218,274,899.
• As of 7/14/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,069,567,707,119.
• As of 7/07/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,068,057,670,418.
• As of 7/14/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,110,220,810,080.
• As of 7/07/22 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,109,633,483,712.
• As of 7/14/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,532,860,725,142.
• As of 7/07/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,521,409,127,264.
• As of 7/14/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,971,754,259,362.
• As of 7/07/22 Military Costs since 2001: $2,970,617,957,452.
• As of 7/14/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,867,175,351,792.
• As of 7/07/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,851,943,709,216.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Love endures everything, love is stronger than death, love fears nothing. --St Faustina

Famous Last Words: I'm about to get so tan, you guys. --Icarus

..........Looking forward to happier times..........Linda Ronstadt …..Blue Bayou

The Argo had to pull over because it heard the sirens. / When Oedipus lost the battle with Egypt he said, “Well, this Sphinx!

May Peace heal your weariness

And Joy bless your health

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: