Middle ePistle

Famous First Words: In a hole in the ground... The Hobbit JRR Tolkien

Happy Read Tolkien Day! Did you hear? Copies of The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, and The Silmarillion are considered one-of-a-kind when sold and traded. They're Non-Fungible Tolkiens

..........As grey traces of dawn tinge the eastern sky.........Rush …..The Necromancer

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. --JRR Tolkien

It is a cloudy Friday morning. The sky is curtained with thin, lacy mists that allow the sunshine through here and there, now and again. There is no breeze and the grass that has recently begun to green up is stretching its blades in a morning greeting. Birds are singing to one another across the neighborhood and into the tiny wood at the end of the street. The trees are still bare and the birds are obvious as the dart about. The ground is still wet with yesterday's rain and it smells of dampness and spring. Puck stands a moment just outside the door to take in the loveliness of the day before sending out a barked message asking who is up and out already. (The answer is Bruno, the beagle from the adjacent backyard. I stand at the open door for a while but the 42°F feels cold and I do not last long. I fix myself a cup of vanilla nut decaf and select a doughnut from the box. Gee, the only thing left is to sit down and write to you. What a great morning.

Hope your weekend is your best adventure yet, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I saw a woman that sells batteries by the playground. Yes, she sells C cells by the seesaw. --Adelaide's Coast --Submitted by mja of ks

My partner had a go at me because at night, unaware, I go on about Hobbits, Rings and Orcs. They think I'm Tolkien in my sleep..

..........Where once was light now darkness falls..........Emiliana Torrini …..Gollum's Song

Trivia Questions: Happy 338^th Birthday to Maryland

^ Do you have any idea why Maryland is called The Old Line State?

^^ Maryland is one of the small states, would you care to estimate its size?

^^^ We know Rhode Island is the smallest state, where does Maryland rank?

^^^^ Not the same: What are the capital and the largest city?

^^^^^ Can you guess the state bird of Maryland?

Big Hello: Mίyaxwen – Ivilyuat (Southern California) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I wish pets lived longer & life wasn't so expensive & cake didn't make you fat & people weren't idiots. --Submitted by ab of kc

Max Picture of the Week: This is What-Take-Your-Kid-To-Work day looks like if you work on a submarine.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: There is only a 7% chance that all the library furniture is in the same place at closing as it was at opening. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

One hobbit asks another:, “Don't you feel like we're just a figment of someone's imagination?” “I have no idea what you're tolkien about.”

..........'T was in the darkest depths of Mordor..........Led Zeppelin …..Ramble On

Moonbeam: You never know what events will transpire to get you home. --Astronaut Jim Lovell

Meditation of the Week: Why don't they make Tupperware spaghetti colored right there at the factory.

Puzzle of the Week: This week's challenge comes from Tyler Hinman, of San Francisco. Think of two four-letter words that complete the phrase "___ in the ___." Move the first letter of the second word to the start of the first word. You'll get two synonyms. What are they?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Finally, my winter fat is gone; now I have spring rolls.

Week of the Week: Shakespeare Week (21-27) Chickens never go to Shakespeare plays. They were threatened with murder most fowl. / Will's favorite breakfast is a cheese hamlet. / Lady Macbeth was really disciplining the dog, Out, damn Spot, out.

Tolkien may have had a wife and children but he also made a good batch o'lore.

..........Demons worry when the wizard is near.........Black Sabbath …..The Wizard

^ Maryland is called the Old Line State to honor the heroic fighting of a Maryland regiment, or line, in the American Revolution. George Washington was an early source of reference to the “old line” that protected his retreat from the Battle of Long Island.

Almanac: It is Friday, March 25, 2022. The moon is in its last quarter starting today and it is in Capricorn. It is United Nations: International Day of Remembrance of the Victims of Slavery and the Transatlantic Slave Trade, United Nations: and International Day of Solidarity with Detained and Missing Staff Members, National Day of Celebration of Greek & American Democracy, National Medal of Honor Day, Old New Year's Day, Pecan Day, Tolkien Reading Day, Vaffeldagen (Waffle Day), and World Marbles Day. In Greece they celebrate Independence Day (1821).

Among those born on this day were Henry II (1122), Maria Tesselschade Roemers Visscher (1594), Carl Friedrich Ebers (1770), Gutzan Borglum (1867), Rudolf Rocker (1873), Josef Capek (1887), Edward Hart (1893), Ed Begley (1901), David Lean (1908), Patrick Troughton (1920), Simone Signoret (1921), Flannery O'Connor (1925), James A Lovell, Jr. (1927), Gloria Steinem (1934), Hoyt Axton (1938), Aretha Franklin (1942), Elton John (Reginald Kenneth Dwight, 1947), Mary Gross (1953), Sarah Jessica Parker (1965), Jeff Healey (1966), and Pavel Andreivich Chekov (2184).

On March twenty-fifth March 25th is the origin of the Dionysian Incarnation of the Word (year 1). the city of Venice was founded (421), Constantine became Catholic Pope (708), the first Domesday Survey of England began (1133), Robert the Bruce was crowned king of Scotland (1306), the Council of Pisa opened (1409), Maryland colony was founded (1634), the first recorded horse race in the colonies took place (1668), railway passenger service began in England (1807), Parliament abolished the slave trade (1807), Coxey's Army of unemployed sets out from OH for DC (1894), the first modern Olympic games began (Athens, 1896), the US Socialist Pary was formed (Indianapolis, 1900), the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory burned (1911), Billboard introduced the hillbilly music chart (1939), the Selma march reached Montgomery, AL (1965), the Who and Cream made their US debut (1967), John & Yoko held their first bed in for peace (1969), and Gretzky scored 200 points in a single season (1982).

Night Sky, 3/25: Once dawn begins to brighten, catch Venus in the east-southeast forming a nearly isosceles triangle with Saturn lower left of it and Mars to Venus's right. The long side of the triangle, the Saturn-Mars side, is 7° long. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Stacy Abrams as United Earth President on Star Trek: Discovery

This Week: Saturday, March 26 – Be Mad Day & Legal Assistants Day & Purple Day & Support Women Artists Day

Sunday, March 27 – National Scribble Day & World Theatre Day

Night Sky, 3/27: Uranus (magnitude 5.8, in Aries) is low in the west right after dark.

Monday, March 28 – Barnum & Bailey Day & Weed Appreciation Day

Tuesday, March 29 – Smokes & Mirrors Day & World Piano Day

Wednesday, March 30 – Doctors Day & Pencil Day & World Bi-Polar Day

Night Sky, 3/30: Pollux and Castor in Gemini pass nearly overhead around nightfall this week if you live in the world's mid-northern latitudes. The "twin" heads of the Gemini figures are fraternal twins at best. Pollux is visibly brighter than Castor and pale orange to Castor's white. And as for their physical nature, they're not even the same species.Pollux is a single orange giant. Castor is a binary pair of two much smaller, hotter, white main-sequence stars, a fine double in amateur telescopes. Each Castor star is closely orbited by an unseen red dwarf — a marble in our scale model just a foot or so from each of the two bright primaries.

Thursday, March 31 – Bunsen Burner Day & Cesar Chavez Day & National Crayon Day

The Tolkien fruit bearing tree should be a Pear Ent.

..........Fear is like the wilderland, stepping stones or sinking sand.........Joni Mitchell …..I Think I Understand

^^ Maryland is 12,407 square miles or 7.9405 million acres with a population of 6,046,000.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Are you ok? Oh, my god, no, but for the purposes of this conversation, yes, I'm fine. --Submitted by gr of oh

Moonbeam: The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it. --Flannery O'Connor

Strange Fact of the Week: Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers ... if you do find one, what’s your plan?

Video of the Week: Leonard Nimoy singing The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3fZhJN4Tdc ~~No, apparently I have no taste or shame.

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: ...the host gave her a bill for $20. ... She paid it, she later wanted to go back over to her friend's house to ask what the whole deal was, but she couldn't get a reservation. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 3/19/22

Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. For even the very wise cannot see all ends. --JRR Tolkien

There's a new Tolkien based fighting game called Mordor Kombat.

..........Slow down and I sail on the river.........Blind Guardian …..Lord of the Rings

^^^ There are actually 8 states smaller than Maryland: Vermont, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, New Jersey, Hawai'i, Connecticut, Delaware, and Rhode Island.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's interesting growing up and learning that most adults are not smart. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn't think the situation was this dire. --Gennette Cordova

Weird Words of the Week: Two words were added to the language from Tolkein's books 1) Hobbit 2) Mithril. He also introduced dwarves as a plural of dwarf (dwarfs). https://getproofed.com/writing-tips/tolkien-reading-day-j-r-r-tolkien-in-the-dictionary/

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie meet's Ferdinand's American cousin.

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Maintain the proper alkalinity in a swimming pool. Add 1.5 pounds of baking soda for every 10,000 gallons of water in the pool to raise total alkalinity by 10 ppm (parts per million), keeping the total alkalinity of the pool within the range of 80 to 150 ppm. Maintaining a proper level of total alkalinity minimizes changes in pH when acidic or basic pool chemicals or contaminants enter the water, reducing chloramine formation and the corrosivity of water, consequently reducing eye irritation and unpleasant odors while improving bactericidal effectiveness. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/armhammer2.html ~~Just a note I have skipped and will be skipping in the future many Arm & Hammer uses that begin with Deodorize... Check the website if you have a particular thing you want to deodorize.

Clarke, Lewis and Tolkien walk into a bar arguing about how characters should travel. Clarke says they should take a spaceship and Tolkien says they should walk. Lewis says they can just step through a wardrobe. When asked how that's possible Lewis says "Narnia business"

...........Peace of mind and sanctuary by loud water's flow.......Rush …..Rivendell

^^^^ Annapolis is the capital and Baltimore is the biggest city in Maryland.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When a billionaire dies, who inherits their senators? --Amier Talai

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: HelioSphere 2022 (25-27, Piscataway, NJ) Sci-Fi and Fantasy with an edge. https://heliosphereny.org/?page_id=48

Vintage Players One Liner of the Week: The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. And how many Phillips-head screwdrivers have you bought in the last 2 years?

Actual Science Conference of the Week: Grain Elevator & Processing Society (GEAPS) Exchange (26-29, KCMO) I am excited to see all the exhibits... https://www.world-grain.com/articles/16639-geaps-exchange-returns-to-kansas-city ~~Excited about the latest grain elevator technology. Sigh.

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Hole in the Wall --> Whole and All

Before they were famous, Tolkien and Samuel Beckett collaborated on a play called Waiting for Frodo.

..........To heal my heart and drown my woe.........Billy Boyd & Sean Bean …..Merry & Pippin Drinking Song

^^^^^ The Baltimore Oriole is the state bird of Maryland.

My Own Writing of the Week: We went to the large upstairs room of the United Ministries. It was noisy and happy. A crowd filled with congratulations and pride. I don't know how many of us there were, a hundred or more, a mixed crowd. Dean Taylor was there and Professor Stokstad and all the sisters. I don't think that even at this gathering every sister was in the room. There may have been women absent even then. Women still working, women phoning, typing, copying. The February Sisters may have never all been in one place at one time. We are legion.

There were explanations of the deal, speeches, etc. There were already lists of meetings some of us would have to attend, Student Senate Executive Committee (StudEx) met Sunday evenings, for instance; we needed to talk to them about Day Care. Women volunteered; someone assigned them to meetings. No doubt food was offered. This meeting too was electric with energy running very high and spirits soaring.

We were the February Sisters and we prevailed. We had no idea anyone would remember us even a couple of years down the line. But for that moment we were power personified.

I gathered up my children and my baggage and went home.

Quote of the Week: White supremacy is kinda like high fructose corn syrup. Very few people would purchase a bottle of it for themselves, but it's cheap, palatable, effective, unhealthy, and is an ingredient in just about everything. --Submitted by aeb of kc

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The key to looking amazing is looking like crap most of the time so it's more of a surprise. --Submitted by INRITH

Today's Peace of History, March 25, 1916: Women were first allowed to attend boxing matches.

Martin Freeman (Bilbo) and Andy Serkis (Gollum) were the tolkien white guys in Black Panther.

..........Hey! Come merry dol! Derry dol! And merry-o.........Nicholas Creek …..In the House of Tom Bombadil

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle March 25, 2022, Middle ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: If dogs could talk, perhaps we would find it as hard to get along with them as we do with people. --Josef Capek

Cost of War:

As of 3/24/22 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $173,877,225,693.

As of 3/17/22 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $173,320,867,291.

As of 3/24/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,044,760,222,905.

As of 3/17/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,043,205,933,167.

As of 3/24/22 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,100,573,474,401.

As of 3/17/22 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,099,358,969,494.

As of 3/24/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,344.811,607.345 .

As of 3/17/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,333.028,139.126 .

As of 3/24/22 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,952,292,238,972.

As of 3/17/22 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,951,749,238,618.

As of 3/24/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,616,955,599,473.

As of 3/17/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,601,281,711,387.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost... --JRR Tolkien

Famous Last Words: May the hair on your toes grow even longer. --A Hobbit Blessing upon parting company

..........I will go there and back again.........Howard Stone …..The Breaking of the Fellowship

Doctor: We had to remove your appendix. JRR: But that's where I explain why elves hate dwarves.

May Peace be your map

And Joy be your guiding star

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

 

Semi-Historic ePistle

 Famous First Words: I vow, Mr. Hardcastle, you're very particular. --Mrs. Hardcastle She Stoops To Conquer

Happy Women's History Month: Stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. I think it's a mistake. Not because they can't, but because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't. --Sarah Silverman / Instead of paying women the same as men, pay men the same as women. See how angry they get.

..........It's knowing that the world will not be cursing or forgiving..........John Hartford …..Gentle On My Mind

Activism is the rent I pay for living on this planet. --Alice Walker

It is a rainy Friday morning in Lawrence. The temperature is 38°F but the wind gusts are up to 20 mph so it feels cold. The world smells wet. The thirsty ground is lapping up raindrops and smells like mud. The yellow-brown grass is drinking it up and smells of damp foliage and spring. The sky is a lumpy gray; it keeps even a hint of sunshine from escaping. I have been to the doctor (he is only in Lawrence on Fridays) and we both agreed that I was still alive and doing okay. Driving in the rain (it was never a hard rain) is not as pleasant as laying in bed listening to it drum against the window. But I am home now. Puck is asleep at my feet and I am sipping caramel cream decaf and writing to you. A pretty nice morning, all in all.

Hope your weekend avoids all those awkward moments, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: 'Beer is now cheaper than gas. Drink! Don't Drive!

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares? --Tina Fey / Underestimate me; that'll be fun.

..........There's a gentle tease in the river breeze.........John Hartford …..Old Time River Man

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday, Grover Cleveland !

^ What do you know about Cleveland's young life?

^^ The Cleveland presidency is/was unique in all administrations in what way?

^^^ Do you have any idea what number president he was? Biden is #46.

^^^^ When did Grover begin to use his middle name?

^^^^^ Grover's first career job was teaching in what New York institution?

Big Hello: Ciao - Italian https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My life is just a collection of poorly made decisions with rock music playing in the background. --Submitted by PsyDe

Max Picture of the Week: Max, the sleeping angel

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 34% of librarians wanted to have a Pi day program but library administration said it was irrational #PiDay https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

..........Sittin' on a 747 just a watchin' them clouds roll..........John Hartford …..Steam Powered Aereo Plane

Moonbeam:If you have the guts to be yourself, other people'll pay your price. --John Updike

Normal is nothing more than a cycle on a washing machine. --Whoopi Goldberg / Sometimes it takes balls to be a woman.

Meditation of the Week: If horrific means to make horrible shouldn't terrific mean to make terrible.

Puzzle of the Week: Words starting with a "kw-" sound usually start with the letters QU-, as in question, or "KW-," as in Kwanzaa. What common, non-capitalized English word(s) starting with a "kw-" sound contains none of the letters Q, U, K, or W?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Ironically, Barnum's and Bailey's respective kids – Sid and Marty – both ran away one night to join corporate America. -Larson --Submitted by ff of ks

Week of the Week: Campfire USA Birthday Week (13-19) –Camping is so in-tents. / When the llama got invited on a camping trip he said, “Yay, alpaca bag”

Live your life so that when you are being honored for your achievements, the people called upon to make laudatory comments can feel reasonably honest about their comments. Otherwise, in these times, all their words might be perceived as alternative facts, or worse yet, fake news. --Lily Tomlin

..........Cause the new one just goes Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..........John Hartford …..Good Old Electric Washing Machine

^ Stephen Grover Cleveland was born in New Jersey. He was the fifth of nine children of a Presbyterian minister. His father died while he was young and he ended his education at age 16 but passed the bar exam in NY without any formal study.

Almanac: It is Friday, March 18, 2022. The moon is full (Worm) today and is in Libra. It is Awkward Moments Day, Forgive Mom and Dad Day, and National Biodiesel Day. In Aruba and Haiti it is Flag Day/National Holiday. Also in Haiti it is University Day. In Ireland they celebrate Sheelah's Day. Finally in Wilmington NC it is the weekend of the Peanut Festival.

Among those born on this day were Raphael (1483), Frederick III (1609), Christian Goldbach (1690), Gabriel de la Concepcion Valdes (1809), Grover Cleveland (1837), Randal Cremer (1838), Rudolph C K Diesel (1858), Neville Chamberlain (1869), Edward Everett Horton (1886), Wilfred Owen (1893), Smiley Burnette (1911), Peter Graves (1925), F W de Klerk (1932), John Updike (1932), John Hartman (1950), James F Feilly II (1954), Rick "the model" Martel (1956), and Queen Latifah (Dana Owens, 1970).

On March eighteenth Parliament reinstituted the Stamp Act (1766), She Stoops to Conquer premiered (1773), the first US railroad tunnel was completed (1834), Wells and Fargo formed American Express (1850), Barnum & Bailey's Greatest Show on Earth opened (1881), Saturn's moon Phoebe was discovered (1899), Caruso became the first well-known performer to make a record (1902), the Order of DeMolay was established (KC, 1919 ... the masons say DeMolay was established in 1314 {before Kansas City was established}), the second Peace of Riga was signed (1921), the first intercollegiate indoor polo championship was played (1922), Pluto was discovered (1930), the first electric shaver went on sale (1931), North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) was ratified (1949), I Hatojama was recognized as premier of Japan (1955), Eisenhower signed the Hawaii statehood bill (1959), Poppin' Fresh, the Pillsbury Dough Boy, was introduced (1961), the Miranda Decision was handed down (1963), each of the Rolling Stones was fined (5 pounds stirling) for public urination (1965), Congress repealed the gold reserve (1968), the baseball owners lockout ended after 32 days (1990), largest art robbery in history occurred (Boston, 1990), and Leona Helmsley was sentenced to 4 years for tax evasion (1992).

Night Sky, 3/18: The Moon is full. Once it's well up late this evening, it forms a nearly right triangle with Arcturus about three fists to its left and Spica half that distance below it (for North America). http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week:

This Week: Saturday, March 19 – Goddess of Fertility Day & National Quilting Day & Save the Panther Day

Sunday, March 20 – Great American MeatOut Day & French Language Day

Night Sky, 2/20: The bright waning gibbous Moon rises around twilight's end. Once it's well up, look for Spica about 4° to its lower right (for North America), glimmering through the moonlight. Brighter Arcturus shines about three fists to their upper left.

Monday, March 21 – International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination

Tuesday, March 22 – National Goof-Off Day & Talk Like William Shatner Day

Wednesday, March 23 – Atheist Day & National Puppy Day & World Meteorological Day

Night Sky, 3/23: Venus, magnitude –4.6, is the bright "Morning Star" shining low in the southeast during dawn. Mars, vastly fainter at magnitude +1.2, continues to hang 4° lower right of Venus all week. Look for it early before dawn gets too bright; Mars currently shines with a little less than 1% of Venus's light.

Thursday, March 24 – World Tuberculosis Day

I just don't want to be hampered by my own limitations. --Barbra Streisand / A woman is only helpless as long as her nail polish is drying.

..........Now the Opry's gone and the streets are bare….......John Hartford …..Nobody Eats At Linebaughs Anymore

^^ Cleveland is the only president to serve two non-consecutive terms, 1885-89 and 1893-97.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I am so tired of people running around with a mouthful of scripture and a heart full of hate. --Submitted by 98%

Moonbeam: I want to write books that unlock the traffic jam in everybody's head. --John Updike

Strange Fact of the Week: Someone posted that they had just made synonym buns. I replied, “you mean just like the ones that grammar used to make?” I am now blocked.

Video of the Week: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUfwy3f3R4s Before the opening night performance of Verdi's Don Carlos, the audience observed a moment of silence, followed by the Ukrainian national anthem, performed by the Met Orchestra and Chorus and conducted by Music Director Yannick Nézet-Séguin.

Make a difference about something other than yourselves. --Toni Morrison

To me there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first. --Janeane Garofalo / If your phone doesn't ring, it's me.

.........And I knew when I wrote it that I'd written it for the fiddle.........John Hartford …..Vamp In The Middle

^^^ Cleveland was our 22nd and 24^th president (?presidents, uhhh)

Side Story of the Week: I first saw John Hartford at the Red Dog in Lawrence. Then he was second banana to Glen Campbell when Glen's show was summer replacement for the Smothers Brothers. Anyway, John's fiddle maker lived and worked in Merriam, KS which is the next little suburb next to Turner, where I grew up. Whenever John came to town to deal with his fiddle maker – new one, repairs, etc. – he would book himself into a small venue in Johnson County so he could write off the expense of traveling to Kansas. We saw some very nice concerts.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I love it when the kids tell me they're bored. As if the lady standing in front of a sink full of dirty dishes is where you go to get ideas about how to have a good time. --Submitted by RHOZ

Weird Word of the Week: Indundibulum: chronosynvlastic infundibulum – Kurth Vonnegut in The Sirens of Titan -”those places … where all the different kinds of truths fit together.” https://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-inf1.htm

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie and the monstrously big, very, very delicious ice cream cone

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean coffee and teapots. Wash in a solution of one-quarter cup Arm & Hammer Baking Soda and one quart warm water, then rinse clean. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/armhammer2.html

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. --Irina Dunn / Once the Republicans ban abortion in cases of rape and incest, they're going to focus on America's spiraling witch problem. --Andy Borowitz

...........I've seen sorrow all my days...........John Hartford …..A Man Of Constant Sorrows (from the soundtrack of O, Brother, Where Art Thou

^^^^ Grover dropped his first name as an adult, perhaps because he had been called "Big Steve” by friends, due to his girth, at over 250 pounds.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Russians have to watch right-wing propaganda. Americans choose to watch right-wing propaganda. --Submitted by 98%

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: MarsCon 2022 (18-20, Williamsburg, VA) Myths and Legends...Guest of Honor: Peter V Brett author of the Demon Cycle. http://www.marscon.net/wp/

Vintage Players One Liner of the Week: You are never too old for a nap.

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Conference on Automation Science and Engineering (19, Los Angeles) ...Research activities and innovative ideas... https://www.iirst.com/event/index.php?id=1506429

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Kw sound: Choir, coif, or croissant

I urge you all today, especially today during these times of chaos and war, to love yourself without reservations and to love each other without restraint. Unless you're into leather. --Margaret Cho / Taking off a sweaty sports bra should count as resistance training.

..........He's in the jailhouse now.........Soggy Bottom Boys …..Indian War Whoop

^^^^^ Cleveland was a teacher at the New York Institute for the Blind in Manhattan before deciding to pursue a legal career.

My Own Writing of the Week: Minority Opinions Forum (MOF) did an excellent job of scheduling speakers from a wide range of political ideologies. They had sponsored George Lincoln Rockwell from the American Nazi Party and Norman Thomas of the American Socialist Party. I had attended a few through the years. Student Activity ticket money was used to pay the speakers and most of us felt it was a good use of funds. It was always free to the public. Attendance varied with interest in the particular speaker.

These speeches were always given in the student union building. The union is an evolving structure. It adds on, redecorates and otherwise morphs from year to year. This night MOF was in a room with a series of accordion doors that could be opened or closed to make a single room larger or smaller. It was furnished with a hundred or so folding chairs in rows on three sides of a small dais. Robin was on the platform along with the person introducing her. I sat with friends to the speaker's right in the front row.

Anticipation was palpable. It was a typically institutional room of bland color and little adornment. Windows, if there were any, were covered with heavy drapes. The stage was exactly big enough for a podium and two chairs.

The room filled rather quickly but people were still arriving. The union staff came, opened the first set of wall-doors and began unfolding more chairs. For a while these filled almost as soon as they were placed in line. The decibel level increased with the size of the audience and the amount of activity. Everyone was dressed in layers of clothing that had to be removed and stored somewhere. Conversation to the power of hundreds provided a muted soundtrack and the clank of unfolding chairs provided counterpoint. And finally there came the adjustments to the sound system, heavy metal static and screeching. --From An Act Surprising ...Wednesday Night

Quote of the Week: Facebook officially temporarily allowing hate speech against Russia reminds me of the “Two Minutes Hate” from George Orwell's 1984. --Syma Tasaduq

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm Irish. I don't “tan”. I burn, peel, repeat.

No So Late Night Snack of the Week: Peter Sagal: How will the giant parachuting spiders make our lives better? Paula Poundstone: It'll take our minds off the nukes. Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 3/12/22

Today's Peace of History, March 18, 1871: The Paris Commune took over the city of Paris and ruled until May 28th, 1871.

Saying “yes” doesn't mean I don't know how to say no, and saying “please” doesn't mean I am waiting for permission. --Amy Poehler / Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. --Jim Carrey

..........But success is just a mess of overdues.........John Hartford …..Howard Hughes Blues

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle: Semi-historic ePistle, March 18, 2022, Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: You do things and do things and nobody really has a clue. --John Updike

Cost of War:

As of 3/17/22 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $173,320,867,291.

As of 3/10/22 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $172,758,503,378.

As of 3/17/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,043,205,933,167.

As of 3/10/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,041,635,267,719.

As of 3/17/22 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,099,358,969,494.

As of 3/10/22 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,098,235,206,265.

As of 3/17/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,333.028,139.126 .

As of 3/10/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,321.126,374.132 .

As of 3/17/22 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,951,749,238,618.

As of 3/10/22 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,950,556,558,990.

As of 3/17/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,601,281,711,387.

As of 3/10/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,585,438,728,982.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Peace, My Brother, Peace, My Sister, Peace, My Soul. --Maya Angelou

Famous Last Words: Mephisto. (Aside) Enough of all this academic chatter, Back again to devilry! --How Dr Demonology signs off on Zoom calls. --Submitted by Philosophy Matters

..........you'll pass a joint, they'll pass the wine........John Hartford …..Back In The Goodle Days

For most of history anonymous was a woman. --Virginia Woolf / Home is where you don't have to wear your bra.

May Peace soothe your aches

And Joy ease your pains

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Punnish ePistle

 Famous First Words: Here's a little song I wrote.. Bobby McFerrin Don't Worry, Be Happy

It's Words Matter Day. To prove it, here are some O'Henry Pun Off winners: Excerpt from a minute-and-a-half monologue pleading for the love of his doctor: Doctor, I’m in love with you. Actually, I’m abscessed. Now, I don’t want to throw off your arrhythmia but if you’ll do me the fever of tumor minutes of your time. Strep yourself in while I call up the relevant inflammation.

..........I'll pack my bag and load up my guitar.........Melissa Etheridge …...You Can Sleep While I Drive

“Every moment is an organizing opportunity, every person a potential activist, every minute a chance to change the world.” --Dolores Huerta

It is a very cold 22°F this Friday morning with the wind chill at 12°F. Puck went out a little ways to do his business and returned immediately. I have not been out. The snow is everywhere but the roads. Snow is sticking to the side of the fence and the patio door. Grass is covered; and even the hardy catnip plant has disappeared. Yet, even the dead end Morningside Dr out the front window is relatively clear. The snow has blown into organic shapes and piles. Some spots have only dusting and others have snow a foot deep. (I'm guessing we had 2 to 3 inches altogether) The shed is bejeweled with tiny icicles like a diamond necklace around the roof. I don't always like snow, but it is always beautiful. I am sitting at my computer sipping vanilla nut coffee. Puck is asleep across my right foot. March did come in like a lamb. Love you all...

Hope your weekend is warm and cozy, ePistlers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Music is easier to listen to than people. --Submitted by ea of ca

"Once Chopin a time, I fell in love with a Brown-Eyed Girl, but after a long journey together I had to show her the Doors. At first, I thought she was The Cure for the Hole in my Heart. I used to Billy Idolize her." — Jordan Parker .

..........Bring me a dream.........The Chordettes …..Mr Sandman

Trivia Questions: It's Middle Name Pride Day. Do you know these Middle Name people who became famous?

^ How many of the 3 US presidents went by their middle names?

^^ Can you middle name this doctor-author of children's books?

^^^ Which legally blond actress' name isn't even quite in the middle?

^^^^ Middle name the British Royal in-law who is known by her middle name?

^^^^^ Which ocean forward actor's name isn't quite in the middle?

Big Hello: Dia dhuit – Irish (Gaelic) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Black Eyed Peas can sing us a tune, but the chick peas can only hummus one.

Max Picture of the Week: Max and the other redcoats arrive in Seattle.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: On any given day 15% of librarians think to themselves, “Everything would be better if I had just one more cat.” https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Fancy to meat you. Salami tell ya, to steak my ground, I wanted a boyfriend, so I went where there's a shawarma guys — Tender. Loser or wiener, he looks like Jon Ham but butcher. --Erika Ettin using meat puns to discuss online dating

..........You always watch the sun go down..........The Rolling Stones …..Sleep Tonight

Moonbeam: “He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.” --Douglas Adams

Meditation of the Week: Do hummingbirds hum because they don't know the words?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: In the Ukrainian city of Konotop, a woman stared down a tank. She shouted at the drivers. “Do you even know where you are? This is Konotop! Here every second woman is a witch. This time tomorrow, your *ick won’t stand up!" We salute you, witches of Ukraine. May every curse you lay on the invaders hold for seven decades!

Puzzle of the Week: This week's challenge comes from listener Alan Hochbaum, of Duluth, Ga. Name a famous actor — first and last names. Remove the last letter of each name. You'll be left with an animal and an adjective that describes that animal, respectively. Who is the actor?

Still Another Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Putin says he's just taking back what used to be part of Russia. Alaska used to be part of Russia.

Week of the Week: Termite Awareness Week (6-12) –A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?” / A board termite will do anything to break up the mahogany.

Punning on diseases—we began with Ziek’s joke about star-crossed liver. “Mumps the word!” “That was a measle-y pun.”

..........Leaving all the worries all behind.........Paul Anka …..I Don't Like To Sleep Alone

^ (Stephen) Grover Cleveland, (Thomas) Woodrow Wilson, and (David) Dwight Eisenhower used their middle names.

Almanac: It is Friday, March 11, 2022. The moon went into the first quarter yesterday and is in Cancer. It is Johnny Appleseed Day (anniversary of his death in 1845), World Plumbing Day, World Sleep Day, and in New Mexico it is Arbor Day. Because it is Friday of the first full week in March it is also Middle Name Pride Day.

Among those born on this day were Torquato Tasso (1544), Hendrik Spieghel (1549), Louise-Florence d'Epinay (1726), Robert Paine (1731), Thomas Hastings (1860), Dorothy Gish (1898), Frederick IX (1899),Cornelis Jan Bakker (1904), Lawrence Welk (1908), Thomas Gray (1913), Harold Wilson (1916), F M Busby, Jr. (1921), Ralph Abernathy (1926), Rupert Murdoch (1931), Joep Straesser (1934), Antonin Scalia (1936), Bobby McFerrin (1950), Douglas Adams (1952), and John Barrowman (1968).

On March eleventh the Goths laid siege to Rome (537), Romeo wed Juliet (1302), Tebriz shah Ismail I of Persia was crowned (1502), New York guaranteed Protestants religious rights for the first time (1665), Banneker and L'Enfant began to map out DC (1789), the Royal Theatre in Drury Lane opened (1791), the Bureau of Indian Affairs was created by the US War Department (1824), the first female Medical College opened (1850), the Intercollegiate Lacrosse Association was organized (Princeton, 1882), the first public basketball game was played (1892), the Save the Redwoods League was founded (1918), the first Golden Gloves tournament was held (1927), the Bank of Canada opened (1935), Pioneer 5 was launched (1960), Mount Etna erupted (1974), Gorbachev replaced Chernenko (1985), Lithuania declared its Independence (1990), and Paul McCartney was knighted (1997).

Night Sky, 3/11: The waxing gibbous Moon this evening shines high in Gemini. When you face south after dark, Pollux and fainter Castor shine about a fist at arm's length to its left. At roughly right angles to that direction, the Moon shines almost exactly midway between Capella and Procyon (for evening in North America), about 2½ fists from each. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week:

This Week: Saturday, March 12 – Genealogy Day & Girl Scout Birthday & Working Moms Day

Night Sky, 3/12: Daylight-saving time begins at 2 am tonight for most of North America. Clocks spring forward an hour.

Sunday, March 13 – Donald Duck Day & Smart & Sexy Day

Monday, March 14 – Save A Spider Day & Napping Day & Pi Day

Tuesday, March 15 – Ides of March & National Shoe the World Day & National Equal Pay Day

Wednesday, March 16 – Black Press Day & Freedom of Information Day & Panda Day & Purim begins

Night Sky, 3/16 Missing Planets...Jupiter is lost in a conjunction with the sun and Neptune is lost in the sunset.

Thursday, March 17 – Campfire Day & St Patrick's Day & Absolutely Incredible Kid Day

“Where do cantaloupes go in the summertime? John Cougar’s Melon Camp. / I run a drive through alterations business; it's called Tailor Swift.

..........Again at the park on a nice summer day.........The Beach Boys …..I Went To Sleep

^^ Theodor Seuss Geisel aka Dr Seuss

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: M**s out there thinking that if they give us free pads and tampons we're going to “abuse the privilege” like we're making pad forts and playing tampon Jenga. --Submitted by MMS

Moonbeam: “Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?” --Douglas Adams

Strange Fact of the Week: If you see someone buying candy, popcorn, and a soda at the movies, they are a drug dealer. There’s no other explanation for that type of income.

Video of the Week: The Sunflower Seed Curse: https://www.theguardian.com/world/video/2022/feb/25/ukrainian-woman-sunflower-seeds-russian-soldiers-video

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: ...The Journal of Excessive Parenting ... Not quite grammar nazi's but grammar Hilter Youth... we pointed him toward Henry James and talked to him about semicolons. --Faith Salie Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 3/5/22

Let us wage a glorious struggle against illiteracy, poverty and terrorism. Let us pick up our books and our pens; they are the most powerful weapons.” --Malala Yousafzai

In high school Robert E Lee was voted most likely to secede. / The biggest prankster in Washington's army was Laugh-ayette.

..........I've been listenin' to your dreams.........Crystal Gayle …..Talking In Your Sleep

^^^ Laura Jeanne Reese Witherspoon

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's so windy out there, the birds are flying sideways. --Submitted by ag of ks

Weird Word of the Week: Honorificabilitudinitatibus: We are in the arena of sesquipedalian words — those a foot and a half long, whose prime characteristic is their length rather than their sense or value. Honorificabilitudinitatibus may be rendered more succinctly as “of honour”. Any word used by James Joyce (in Ulysses) and William Shakespeare (in Love’s Labour Lost) can’t be entirely dismissed from the canon of English, even though the former borrowed it from the latter, who in turn borrowed it from Latin. https://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-hon1.htm

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie giving the thumb's up for arriving in Seattle !!! Yeah

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Deodorize food containers. Mix one-quarter cup Arm & Hammer Baking Soda with one quart water, swish food containers in solution, soak overnight, then rinse clean. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/armhammer.html

The Roman Empire was cut in half by a pair of Caesars. / There was a famous Roman ruler who suffered from hay fever ; his name was Julius Sneezer.

...........Near the village, the peaceful village..........The Tokens …..The Lion Sleeps Tonight

^^^^ Rachel Meghan Markle Windsor

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Atheism-- all of the Mardi Gras, None of the Lent. --Submitted by MMS

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: AllCon, 2022 (11-13, Dallas) --ALL-CON is a community produced fandom convention with foundations built upon costuming, gaming, performances, and more since 2005. https://www.eventbrite.com/e/all-con-2022-over-400-events-what-will-you-choose-to-do-registration-140693069759

Vintage Players One Liner of the Week: I went to an antique auction and people bid on me.

Actual Science Conference of the Week: EMBO Workshop: Stroke-Immunology (9-12, Munich) --will cover key topics in brain-immune interactions in the context of stroke https://meetings.embo.org/event/22-stroke-immunology

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Rami Malek → Ram, male

Baby Vikings hang out in the Norsery. / When Vikings are reincarnated they are Bjorn again.

..........I will sing a lullaby..........The Beatles …..Golden Slumbers

^^^^^ Joseph Jason Namakaeha Momoa

My Own Writing of the Week: In March of 1965 I was a student at the University of Kansas, I lived in “approved housing” which was a bunch of big old houses broken into rooms where coeds could live and avoid the dorms. One of my housemates there was Carol. Carol was active in the Civil Rights Council which was a student organization advocating for racial equity on campus. At their Sunday afternoon meeting on March 7^th, CRC planned a sit-in for the chancellor's office the next day. They discussed tactics. They decided when and where and how. They debated demands. At that time the student newspaper, University Daily Kansan, accepted ads for apartments to rent with “Whites Only” in the copy...there was no equity in student teacher placement...a Black Studies Department. It was a serious decision that tested their involvement and their courage. They had a plan, it was good, and it was righteous. When they got home from planning that sit-it, the nightly news was showing footage of Selma's Bloody Sunday. What a mix of emotions must have passed through them while they watched. Certainly horror, we all felt that. Also, a sinking feeling of being at the end of a billy club or getting thrown out of school but knowing that you had to go on...more than ever...because we all needed it? I thank those people: 1) all 102 of them that stayed until they were arrested 2) The many, many students who marched to the chancellor's house that night 3) all the several hundreds that sat in the Chancellor's hall the next day 4) all the people outside who found lawyers and gave rides and put their houses on the line to bail out the arrested students. I knew people in all 4 groups. I was in a couple of them. Thank you all, again.

Quote of the Week: There's only one thing more precious than our time and that's who we spend it with. --Leo Christopher

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I have an Elton John pun; it's a little bit funny.

Today's Peace of History, March 11, 1988: The first of 10 days of protest and direct action demanding an end to nuclear testing at the Nevada Test Site.

It was vacation time on the farm. The sheep are going to Baaaaaahamas. The cats tried to have a poker game but one was a cheetah and the bobcat was a clawful, but the lion was always fur-tunate.

..........Sleep with one eye open,..........Metallica …..Enter Sandman

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle March 11, 2022, Punnish ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: “For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.” --Douglas Adams

Cost of War:

As of 3/10/22 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $172,758,503,378.

As of 2/28/22 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $171,992,167,897.

As of 3/10/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,041,635,267,719.

As of 2/28/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,039,494,968,127.

As of 3/10/22 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,099,358,206,265.

As of 2/28/22 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,098,525,881,613.

As of 3/10/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,321.126,374.132 .

As of 2/28//22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,304.898,807.798 .

As of 3/10/22 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,950,556,558,990.

As of 2/28/22 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,948,931,426,461.

As of 3/10/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,585,438,728,982.

As of 2/28/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,563,848,775,842.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

“If we want to reap the harvest of peace and justice in the future, we will have to sow seeds of nonviolence here and now, in the present.” --Mairead Maguire

Famous Last Words: So long, and thanks for all the fish. --The Dolphins Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

..........Tell me where did you sleep last night.........Lead Belly …..Black Girl

10Metaphors be with you. / You've sure got the write stuff. / I always get my local witch to edit my writing because she has a great spell check. ~~In honor of World Sleep Day

May Peace be your grease

And Joy be your toy

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: