dEclassifed ePistle

 Famous First Words: Bereshit Bara Elohim... In the beginning God created The Pentateuch ~~bara is translated created but it is only used with Elohim (gods)

1t has been 16 years since the International Astronomical Union (IAU) Declassified Pluto. Pluto never made a full orbit around the sun between discovery and declassification...We named a planet after a cartoon dog, and before it even turned one in doggy years, we put it down. / Size matters - ask Pluto

..........I thought you'd last forever, but you came and you went..........My Brightest Diamond …..To Pluto's Moon

For what is done or learned by one class of women becomes, by virtue of their common womanhood, the property of all women. --Elizabeth Blackwell

It is a cold (20°F) Friday morning. The sun is shining, off and on, through a series of stringy clouds reaching from the north down to the south. Each row is a glossy gold. There is little wind to insist on this cold but still it seeps in between the glove and coat sleeve. There is the noise of a motor grinding, painfully coming to life, but I cannot find the source; it drowns out birdsong and squirrel chatter. I hurry through my chores and return to the house as fast as I can. Inside the air smells of brewing coffee (2 different kinds) and tension. Puck spent the time I was gone dog-splaining his rules for the house, much to the dismay of the two cats and one human in ear shot. But he is quiet now, sleeping on his blanket. And the coffee is done and I sweeten and cream it and carry it to my desk. I breathe in the warmth and steam to clear my nose and my head. That first slow, long sip is so satisfying but not nearly so much as writing to you.

Hope your weekend is big enough to classify, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I read the book of Job last night. I don't think God comes out well in it. --Virginia Woolf

I think Pluto was relieved to be declassified. For one thing it could stop being secret. For another, it takes off the pressure to act like an adult planet. / Most people found out about Pluto's demotion in the Orbituaries.

..........They've just reported you've been overthrown (aah ahh ahh) from your solar throne for good..........Clare & the Reasons …..Pluto

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday, Liechtenstein!

^ How big is little Liechtenstein?

^^ What is Liechtenstein's biggest city?

^^^ Liechtenstein is double landlocked by what 2 nations?

^^^^ In what 20^th century decade were women in Liechtenstein granted suffrage?

^^^^^ What do you know about crime in Liechtenstein?

Big Hello: Kabkaaw – Iloko (Luzon & Mindanao) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My Harold was thinking about becoming a Buddhist, but then his knee went out and he couldn't sit that way, so he became a Methodist. --Submitted by MMS

Max Picture of the Week: Max and the beautiful smile

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: On Monday morning librarians will overstate how much they read over the weekend by at least 47%. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

The inner planets are such snobs - we have oxygen...we have water. and the outer planets are so big they never wanted Pluto on their teams. So how is not being a planet any different. / Pluto: It's Self Ex-Planetary.

..........Four of us live in the Kuiper belt.........Kids Learning Tube …..Dwarf Planet Blues

Moonbeam: Television – a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done.

Meditation of the Week: If people made up a conspiracy theory about you, what would it be?

Puzzle of the Week: From listener Jay Feldman, of Davis, Calif. What three common five-letter nicknames — one girl's, two boys' — have the same last four letters and alphabetically consecutive initial letters. Or to put it another way... Think of three common five-letter nicknames — one girl's, two boys' — that have alphabetically consecutive initial letters and the same last four letters. What common nicknames are these? --NPR Puzzle Sunday 1/23/22

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Wisconsin GOP has just banned teaching about the Green Bay Packers loss in schools. Submitted by jm

Week of the Week: National Handwriting Analysis Week (23-29) If you cross a green monster with a fountain pen you get the Ink-credible Hulk. / A mother asked her daughter why the writing in her thank you letter to grandpa was so large. She explained it was because grandpa was deaf and she wanted to write loud. ~~Always the week than includes John Hancock's birthday (23)

There are 8 planets but there are an unknown number of (the current guess is 120) dwarf planets. It's much easier to find someone whith which it really clicks. / And the parties are way better.

..........Pluto, silly goose, why did you hide.........Sufjan Stevens …..Pluto

^ Liechtenstein is Europe's fourth-smallest country, with an area of just over 160 square kilometers (62 square miles) and a population of 38,749 (in 2019). The state of Connecticut is 78 times larger than Liechtenstein. Vatican City has about the same population.

Almanac: It is Friday. January 28, 2022. The moon will be new on Tuesday and is in Sagittarius. It is Data Privacy Day, National Kazoo Day, and Thank A Plugin Developer Day.

Among those born on this day were, Edouard Manet (1832), Ernst Abbe (1840), Han Heinrich Hochberg (1843), Frank Carlson (1893), Humphrey Bogart (1899), Konstanty I Galczynski (1905), Dan Duryea (1907), Dan Smith (1911), Ernie Kovacs (1919), Walter M. Miller, Jr (1923), Jeanne Moreau (1928), Rutger Hauer (1944), and Patrick Simmons (1950).

On January twenty-eighth the Islamic calendar began (638), the Pentateuch was first printed (1492), the Royal Exchange in London opened (1571), the Triple Alliance was signed (England, Netherlands & Sweden, 1668),

Liechtenstein was created (1719), Georgetown University was founded (1789), Mrs. Elizabeth Blackwell became the first US female physician (1849), the National Archery Association formed (IN, 1879), the Great God Brown premiered (1926), Tombaugh photographed Pluto for the first time (1930), the 20th Amendment passed changing the inauguration date. (1933), Paderewski became premier of the Polish government in exile (1940), Jerusalem was named capital of Israel (1950), the 24th amendment passed outlawing poll tax in federal elections (1964), After the Fall premiered (1964), the entire population of Istanbul was put under 24 hour house arrest (1972), Barney Miller premiered (ABC, 1975), Roots premiered (ABC, 1977), the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inducted it's first artists (1986), the second Julian Period will begin (3268).

Night Sky, 1/28: The big Northern Cross in Cygnus, topped by Deneb, stands nearly upright over the northwest horizon after dark. As evening grows late it sinks to the horizon and down into it, like a sword plunging into the ground. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Dashiell's new car – 2022 Toyota Corolla

This Week: Saturday, January 29 – Freethinkers Day & Fruitcake Toss Day & National Seed Swap Day

Sunday, January 30 – Inane Answering Message Day & Croissant Day

Night Sky, 1/30: Spot the equilateral Winter Triangle in the southeast. Sirius is its brightest and lowest star. Betelgeuse stands above Sirius by about two fists at arm's length. To the left of their midpoint is Procyon. Can you discern their colors? Sirius (spectral type A0) is cold white, Betelgeuse (M2) is pale orange, and Procyon (F5) is much paler yellowish white.

Monday, January 31 – Appreciate Your Social Security Check Day & Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day & Street Children Day

Tuesday, February 1 – African American Coaches Day & Chinese New Year 2022 & Freedom Day

Wednesday, February 2 – Candlemas aka Imbolc & Groundhog (Marmot, Hedgehog) Day & Sled Dog Day

Night Sky, 2/2: Meanwhile, the Great Square of Pegasus is sinking low in the west, tipped onto one corner. And the Big Dipper is creeping up in the north-northeast, tipped up on its handle.

Thursday, February 3 – Feed the Birds Day & National Sweater Day & Optimist Day

First Test: Pluto passed the first test. It has that sexy round shape that gravity creates. So, the size wasn't the problem, afterall, and the breathalator was negative. / Pluto is not a planet; he's a dyslexic god.

..........a smallish ball of frozen rock...methane and nitrogen.........Christine Lavin …..Planet X

^^ Liechtenstein’s capital city, Vaduz, has a population of around 5,425, but its largest city is the mostly unheard-of town of Schaan, barely eking out a victory with about 583 more people than Vaduz.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I thought the dryer was making my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator. --Submitted by bc of tx

Moonbeam: One should be embarrassed to speak of God in the third person. --Walter M Miller Jr

Strange Fact of the Week: Dear Sneeze: If you’re going to happen, happen. Don’t just put a stupid look on my face and then leave.

Video of the Week: The Mos Eisley Kazoo Orchestra playing the themes from Star Wars https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29hWXkk4bb0

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: In a corporate mascot merger the Michelin man is deflating his tires and becoming a Weight Watchers spokesperson --Mo Rocca Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 1/22/22

It is not easy to be a pioneer – but oh, it is fascinating. --Elizabeth Blackwell

Test 2: Pluto has not yet cleared the neighborhood of its orbit. This makes it sound like a dirty room scenario...You can't be called a grown up while there is mold growing on the laundry stacked in your room. / Planets are expected to be gravitationally aggressive and make moons out of any rock in their orbit. So Pluto was both small and a pacifist.

..........Once a planet but now a pseudo.........Cyne …..Never Forget Pluto

^^^ Both of the countries that border Liechtenstein—Austria to the north and east and Switzerland to the south and west—are themselves landlocked. The only other double land locked country is Uzbekistan.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help. --Submitted by bc of tx

Weird Word of the Week: dekko - a slang term for a quick look. From the Hindi dekho see https://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-dek1.htm

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie and Mickey ~~another great smile

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Deodorize cloth diapers. Mix one-half cup Arm & Hammer Baking Soda in two quarts of water and soak diapers in the solution. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/armhammer.html

I was catfished once. For thirty years Pluto had me convinced it was a planet. / Mickey's dog was named Pluto because he wasn't a planet. / Dear NASA, I was big enough for your mother. Pluto

...........Say you wanna go to Pluto, me and you, we are the same.........Astronaut Chick …..Future

^^^^ After three previous referendums failed, Liechtensteinerinnen (female residents of Liechtenstein) were granted the right to vote in national elections in 1984. The referendum involved only male voters, obviously, and passed by a mere 51.3%. And despite that, women STILL couldn’t vote in local elections until 1986.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Anyone who has time to clean is not reading nearly enough.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Star Trek The Cruise VI: An Unconventional Voyage (1/26-2/5) - Port Canaveral, Nassau, San Juan, St Maarten https://www.startrekthecruise.com/

Vintage Players One Liner of the Week: I'm more confused than a chameleon in a bag of Skittles.

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Conference on Automation and Control Engineering (28-29, NYC) Events will run over a span of time during the conference depending on the number and length of the presentations. https://waset.org/automation-and-control-engineering-conference-in-january-2022-in-new-york

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Jenny, Kenny, & Lenny

The real reason the planets dumped Pluto: Pluto struck a deal with Neal DeGrasse Tyson so it could hide while it amassed weapons for an ultimate take over of the galaxy. / NASA says the New Horizons probe found that Pluto is remote, hostile, and barren, this means it's now the front-runnter to run Trump's 2024 presidential campaign.

..........You're going where no man has gone before........Dead Kennedys …..One Way Ticket to Pluto

^^^^^ Liechtenstein has one of the world’s lowest crime rates, with its last murder occurring in 1997 and its prison holding very few inmates. Citizens who are given prison sentences longer than two years are transferred over to Austria. The crime rate is so low that the average Liechtenstein resident reportedly doesn’t even lock her front door.

My Own Writing of the Week: I was probably one of those who felt like the negotiating team was facing the enemy; but I was aware that this was not the stance of the sisters. Sitting through that session was a defining moment in my life. It was both enlightening and disheartening. The pinnacle of power of a major university was a bunch of boys with their own personal and collective agendas, their needy egos and their insecurities. Their humanness showed. To this day when I think of that meeting I ask: Is that all there is? In their defense, they had been up all night, in meetings all night. Their Friday night plans had been spoiled. They were tired, perhaps hungry. But then, we had been up all night too. We were tired but hardly foggy. --from An Act Surprising ...a memoir of a February Sister **The February Sisters negotiating with SENEX – 2/5/72

Quote of the Week: One idiot is one idiot. Two idiots are two idiots. Ten thousand idiots are a political party. --Franz Kafka

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Well, they just got engaged, but there's 200 pages left so it's not looking good. --my daughter on Jane Eyre --Submitted by writer's relief

Today's Peace of History, January 28, 1995: Over 100 members of the Committee of Soldiers' Mothers of Russia went to a Red Army training camp to reclaim their sons. Since its founding in 1989 the Soldiers' Mothers Committee has worked to expose human rights violations within the Russian military and has consistently supported a true alternative service option for conscientious objectors.

Poor Pluto is 4.5 billion years old and still sitting at the kids' table. / Disney scientists have determined that Pluto is too small to be a dog.

..........Oh My God..........Lil Uzi Vert …..Baby Pluto

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle January 28, 2022, dEclassified ePistle Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: Ask for an omen, then stone it when it comes – de essentia hominum. --Watler M Miller, Jr

Cost of War:

As of 1/20/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,943,459,646,812.

As of 1/20/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,942,287,582,459.

As of 1/27/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,095,723,197,960.

As of 1/20/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,095,122,932,855.

As of 1/27/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $169,411,937,124.

As of 1/20/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $168,859,267,217.

As of 1/27/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,032,288,421,518.

As of 1/20/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,030,744,542,734.

As of 1/27/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,250,270,493,668 .

As of 1/20/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,238,569,272,067 .

As of 1/27/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,491,157,842,006.

As of 1/20/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,475,587,847,612.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Prejudice is more violent the blinder it is... --Elizabeth Blackwell

Famous Last Words: How d'yah spell it? --Captain The Great God Brown by Eugene O'Neill

..........The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see are moving at a million miles a day In an outer spiral arm, at forty thousand miles an hour of the galaxy we call the 'milky way'..........Monty Python .....The Galaxy Song

Planet or Dwarf it's still icy, bitter, and small / Don't feel bad, Pluto, I'm not a planet either.

May Peace paint your walls

And Joy pave your walk

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

ePistle Topper

Famous First Words: Gem juletræet godt … (Save the Christmas tree well) Ibsen's Et dukkehjem

Happy Hat Day ! A dinosaur in a cowboy hat is called Tyrannosaurus Tex. / Hat puns are beanie-th me.

..........Sunshine left upon my face.........Richie Havens …..Morning, Morning

Peace has never come from dropping bombs. Real peace comes from enlightenment and educating people to behave more in a divine manner. --Carlos Santana

It is a frigid Friday morning. The sun is bright and working hard, the temperature has gone from 4° to 7°F since I got up. The sky is void of clouds and radiates a pale blue in the sunlight. Puck's outside water bowl is frozen solid and a round bowl shaped piece of ice remains beside it; it is from an earlier attempt to keep liquid in it. There is little wind to animate the willow branches that droop sadly when they can't dance. Birds are up and singing to the sun. We did not go for a walk in this cold, but I stand at the patio door while Puck does his business and barks a few times in case there are other dogs out; there don't seem to be. He returns quickly and drinks the somehow inferior indoor water and settles into the recliner for a morning nap. I doctor a cup of Vanilla Nut decaf but before I sit down, I find my sweater to ward off chill. My room is comfortable but the idea of cold is everywhere. Now the thought of writing to you warms me and makes me smile.

Hope your weekend knocks your hat off, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You can't read all day....if you don't start in the morning.

Magicians wear top hats so the audience won't see their hare. / If you throw a white hat into the Red Sea it becomes wet. / A snake in a hard hat is called a boa constructor.

..........Sometimes I feel like a motherless child.........Richie Havens …..Freedom

Trivia Questions: Happy 223^rd Birthday to the Smallpox Vaccine

^ What exactly is smallpox?

^^ Would you like to guess how many cases of smallpox were reported each year in the 1950s?

^^^ When and/or where was the last case of smallpox?

^^^^ What was the criteria for declaring smallpox eradicated?

^^^^^ When did smallpox vaccination stop being routinely given?

Big Hello: Ndeewo – Igbo (Benin, Nigeria, Cameroon) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Some people say the problem with Christianity is that it is not taught in schools. I think the problem with Christianity is that it is not taught in churches.

Max Picture of the Week: Max recreating Bell's geometrical kites – from the inside out

Meditation of the Week: Do the past and the future really exist?

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 18% of librarians are now having wordle nightmares. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Crazy hat ladies live in Mad-hat-tan. / When my boss wears his flag hat to work we call him supervisor.

..........She's wild warm and tender.........Mac Davis …..One Hell of a Woman

Moonbeam: Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control have already been born. --Benny Hill

Puzzle of the Week: Last week's challenge came from Joseph Young, who conducts the blog "Puzzleria!" Let A = 1, B = 2, C = 3, etc. Think of a five-letter word whose letters' values add up to 51. Now take this word's last two letters. Add their values. (For example A and C would total 4.) Change these two letters to the single letter of the alphabet that represents their total. (In this case, D.) The result will be a new word that is the opposite of the original.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory. --Franklin P Adams

Week of the Week: Hunt for Happiness Week (16-22) --When my daughter turned 4, she was so crazy with happiness, I took her to the doctor who said: Euphoria. / A meme that produces joy and happiness is a dope-a-meme.

Frogs leave their hats in the croak-room. / You look so fedora-ble in that hat.

..........With my favorite jeans and a cheap guitar.........Mac Davis …..Texas in My Rear View Mirror

^ Smallpox is a systemic disease caused by infection with the Variola major virus, whose only reservoir was infected humans. The infection was usually transmitted via inhalation of droplets. After an average incubation period of 12 days, a high fever accompanied by non-specific general symptoms abruptly appeared. The fever then receded and a characteristic skin eruption appeared. Subsequently the fever rose again, and serious complications generally developed (pulmonary, cardio-circulatory, neurological, etc.), resulting in death in up to 50% of cases. Survivors who overcame this phase would see the rash resolving, leaving permanent scars. No effective therapy is available.

Almanac: It is Friday, January 21, 2022. The moon will be at the last quarter on Tuesday and is in Leo. It is International Sweatpants Day, National Cheesy Socks Day, National Hugging Day, and National Hug Your Puppy Day.. In Florida it is Arbor Day and in the Dominican Republic it is Nuestra Senora de Altagracia Day. Because it is the third, it is also Hat Day and International Fetish Day.

Among those born on this day were John Fremont (1813), Stonewall Jackson (1824), Christian Dior (1905), Paul Scofield (1922), Benny Hill (1924), Telly Savalas (1924), Steve Reeves (1926), Wolfman Jack (Bob Smith, 1938), Jack Nicklaus (1940), Placido Domingo (1941), Richie Havens (1941), Mac Davis (1942), Joseph Tanner (1950), Geena Davis (1957), and Hakeem Abdul Oljuwon (1963).

On January twenty-first The Power of Sympathy became the first novel published in the United States (1789), the smallpox vaccination was introduced (1799), Freedom Journal became the first black newspaper published in the US (1827), the envelope-folding machine was patented (1853), Ibsen's Et Dukkehjem premiered (Copenhagen, 1879), Wizard of Oz opened on Broadway (1903), Houdini escaped from the police station in Halvemaansteeg (1903), NYC outlawed smoking for women (1908), Kiwanis International was founded (Detroit, 1915), the first figure skating championships were held in the US (1939), Britian banned the Daily Worker (1941), the Bronx outlawed pinball machines (1942), T S Eliot's The Cocktail Party opened (1950), snow fell in San Francisco (1962), BB King donated his 7,000 record collection to Ole Miss (1987), Lorena Bobbitt was declared to have been temporarily insane when she chopped of her spouse's penis (1994), and Pope John Paul II visited Cuba (1998).

Night Sky 1/21: Now that the waning Moon doesn't rise until about 9 pm, is your early-evening sky dark enough for you to see the winter Milky Way? After dinner time it runs vertically from Canis Major low in the southeast, up between Orion and Gemini, through Auriga and Perseus overhead, and down through Cassiopeia, Cepheus, and Cygnus to the northwest horizon. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Winter storm Izzy in Charlotte, NC

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We don't need pictures of your back porch. It snowed. It's January. No one cares. --Submitted by INRITH

This Week: Saturday, January 22 – Answer Your Cat's Questions Day & Local Quilt Shop Day

Sunday, January 23 – National Handwriting Day & National Pie Day

Night Sky, 1/23: After dark, face east and look very high. The bright star there is Capella, the Goat Star. To the right of it, by a couple of finger-widths at arm's length, is a small, narrow triangle of 3rd and 4th magnitude stars known as "the Kids." Though they're not exactly eye-grabbing, they form a never-forgotten aster-ism with Capella.

Monday, January 24 – Belly Laugh Day & National Compliment Day & Talk Like a Grizzled Prospector Day

Tuesday, January 25 – A Room of One's Own Day & National Irish Coffee Day & Opposite Day

Wednesday, January 26 – Library Shelfie Day & National Green Juice Day

Night Sky, 1/26: Venus (magnitude –4.3) emerges into dawn view. Look for it low in the east-southeast about 45 or 30 minutes before sunrise. It gets higher every day. In a telescope or good binoculars it's a thin crescent, as it was a few weeks ago in the evening sky. But now it's getting thicker every day, not thinner.

Thursday, January 27: - Viet Nam Peace Day & Holocaust Memorial Day

Hat lovers have their own social media platform, it's called hat-tag. / I told dad that buying a new hat for a dollar is a small price toupee.

..........And your deck of cards missing the jack and the ace.........Richie Havens …..Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands

^^ 1950s - Worldwide, 15 million cases of smallpox are reported each year.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: And if you are ever stopped for marijuana possession, it's recommended that you plead guilty to the lesser charge of trying to overthrow the US government. --Submitted by sb of ar

Moonbeam: Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect. --Benny Hill

Strange Fact of the Week: When I was ten I fell off my bike and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because we didn’t have social media then.

Video of the Week: Plácido Domingo at the Arena di Verona https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zjgfg9SvNWE

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Rich Parents: Animals just like people benefit from inherited wealth. For example, squirrels pass down their store of nuts to their children ... you know they're so like bragging about it at college, they're like I'm going to go visit my parents but in their summer tree. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 1/15/22

'Cause you and I know what love is worth. We're gonna build a heaven on Earth. --Eddie Money

You looked good in the beret but with this hat you'll be adora-bowler. / The queen should wear a teacup-shaped hat since she's royal-tea.

..........When I heard Jerry Lee Lewis singing.........Mac Davis …..Hooked on Music

^^^ 1977 - The last naturally occurring case of smallpox in the world occured in Somalia.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: What a great time to be alive if you love the theater of the absurd. --David Lynch who turned 76 this week.

Weird Word of the Week: Catoptromancy – divination by means of mirrors. https://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-cat2.htm

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie..Sometimes you need to dance barefoot on the table

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Maintain your septic tank. Flush one cup Arm & Hammer Baking Soda down the toilet once a week. Baking soda helps maintain proper pH and alkalinity, controlling sulfide odors. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/armhammer.html

It's a gnome fact that gnomes wear pointy beanie hats. / You can make any boat into a hat, just flip it over and it's cap sized.

...........A little more bite and a little less bark.........Mac Davis …..A Little Less Conversation

^^^^ 1979 - Smallpox met the criteria for eradication by having no natural cases for two years. 1980 - The World Health Organization announced the official eradication of smallpox.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Suffering is not a superpower. --Black Lives Matter - Lawrence

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: ConFusion 2022 (21-23, Detroit) Another year, another fabulous #ConFusionSF https://2022.confusionsf.org/

Vintage Players One Liner of the Week: My moods don't just swing. They bounce, pivot, oscillate, fluctuate, and occasionally, pirouette.

Actual Science Conference of the Week: AACR Special Conference: Precision Prevention, Early Detection, and Interception of Cancer 2022. (21-23, Austin, TX) It has been estimated that 50-60% of cancers could be prevented if known strategies were optimally employed. https://www.emedevents.com/c/medical-conferences-2022/precision-prevention-early-detection-and-interception-of-cancer

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Thick → Thin

My beer came with a hat, a bottle cap. / When coffee wears a hat it's called cap-a-ccino.

..........In the field of a make believe farm.........Mac Davis …..Biff, the Friendly Purple Bear

^^^^^ By 1972, the smallpox vaccine was no longer given routinely in the United States. As a result, most people born in the United States after 1972 have not been vaccinated against the disease. Some people have been vaccinated through the military or because they were part of Smallpox Response Teams that were formed after the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

My Own Writing of the Week: It is said that the Kiowa people begin each prayer by holding up to the One-Who-Calls all the prayers that all Kiowa have uttered in the past. This second negotiation** meeting was such an invocation for me. All the meetings that had come before were held up again, meetings from years ago and from the inception. All the women who had asked for justice from the time the university was founded were with us. All the requests, the hurts and rejections small and large were there. These constituted our hidden agenda. I think we were all very aware of this at the time. --from An Act Surprising ...a memoir of a February Sister **The February Sisters negotiating with SENEX – 2/5/72

Quote of the Week: There is frequently more to be learned from the unexpected questions of a child than the discourses of men. --John Locke

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I've been hiding from exercise. I'm in the fitness protection program.

Today's Peace of History, January 21, 1661: The Quaker (Society of Friends) Peace Testimony was presented to King Charles II of England. The testimony begins: "We utterly deny all outward wars and strife and fightings with outward weapons, for any end or under any pretence whatsoever. And this is our testimony to the whole world....”

After I walked home in the blizzard I found I was wearing an icecap. / All hats are top hats; if they were bottom hats, they'd be shoes.

..........For the old man is comin' just to carry you to freedom .........Richie Havens …..Follow The Drinking Gourd

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle January 21, 2022, ePistle Topper. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: Never play leapfrog with a unicorn. --Benny Hill

Cost of War:

As of 1/20/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,942,287,582,459.

As of 1/13/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,939,914,250,810.

As of 1/20/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,095,122,932,855.

As of 1/13/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,093,907,353,403.

As of 1/20/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $168,859,267,217.

As of 1/13/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $168,299,846,283.

As of 1/20/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,030,744,542,734.

As of 1/13/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,029,182,240,182.

As of 1/20/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,238,569,272,067 .

As of 1/13/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,226,726,589,146 .

As of 1/20/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,475,587,847,612.

As of 1/13/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,459,827,585,773.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

To change the world you must first change your mind. --Jimi Hendrix

Famous Last Words: A little kiss on your ear. --Wolfman Jack in the movie American Graffiti

..........Gasping at glimpses of gentle true spirit.........Richie Havens …..Helplessly Hoping

Yo momma so fat the sorting hat put her in all the houses. / I have a nightgown with a matching bonnet; it's called a nightcap.

May Peace guide your future

And Joy lead your present

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

ePistemic ePistle

 Famous First Words: Along with the Pilgrim Code of Law... Constitution of Connecticut 1639

It's World Logic Day! Logic 101 – Nothing is better than eternal happiness. A cheese sandwich is better than nothing. Therefore, a cheese sandwich is better than eternal happiness. / No one uses logic anymore; I miss the Godel days. / Some people ask ‘why’ to determine a motive, I ask ‘why’ because I don’t believe there’s any logical reason to do anything.” -Nietzsche on the habits of road crossing chickens

..........I got a girl but she won't be true..........Elmore James …..Shake Your Money Maker

Compassion, in which all ethics must take root, can only attain its full breadth and depth if it embraces all living creatures and does not limit itself to mankind. --Albert Sweitzer

It is 4 am on a chilly Friday morning. Puck has been sick. He woke me up at 12:30 to let him out for a long drink and a pee and another long drink. He got in bed with me and coughed and coughed and coughed. Then, he woke me up again a little while ago to let him out again and while I was stumbling around in the dark, I stepped in dog vomit left on the clothes I had taken off and left on the floor by my bed. Puck is sleeping peacefully and I am wide awake, The clothes are rinsed and in the hamper. I just put on a pot of coffee and I'm smoking a joint while I wait. … Meanwhile: Omicron is so ubiquitous in Lawrence that the February Sisters Fiftieth Anniversary program has been postponed until April. That gives me a little more time to find another panelist who was in on the planning. AND We have a new car – brand new white Toyota Corolla. It smells like a new car and it has wonderful technology like a rear view screen when it's in reverse, and a gauge that tells how many miles you can go before you run out of gas. … ahhh. The creamy sweet decaf that soothes the soul and keeps me from yelling at my dog who looks so damned comfortable. Here's to a new day, must get better 'cause it can't get worse; it's only logical.

Hope your weekend goes right through logical to completely awesome, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Teaching is the subtle art of shaping young minds without losing your own.

A professor in a logic class says “Alright class, if you know what 'affirming the consequent” means, then raise your hand. A student raises her hand. The professor says, “Ah, yes. You know what it is?” The student answers, “No, why would you think so?” / Logic: The amount of people who don't know the difference between too and to is two damned high.

..........Great gosh a' mighty my baby tall.........Blue Brothers …..She Caught The Katy

Trivia Questions: Happy International Kite Day! I think the southern hemisphere thought this up – not kite flying weather here. Some statistics to guess at...

^ The fastest recorded speed of a kite?

^^ What is the largest number of kites flown in a single line?

^^^ What is the highest a single kite has ever reached?

^^^^ How big is the world's biggest kite?

^^^^^ How many kites are sold in the US in a year?

Big Hello: Halló – Icelandic https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I think we need to invent a game called shatner: when someone yells “SHATNER” at you, you have to overact whatever you were currently doing.--Submitted by INRITH

Max Picture of the Week: Max and his very first snowman

Meditation of the Week: If there's any real truth, it's that the entire multidimensional infinity of the Universe is almost certainly being run by a bunch of maniacs. --Douglas Adams

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: By weight, a librarian's clothes are 14% pet hair. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Three university employees decided to go to the nude beach. They are a history professor, a political science graduate assistant, and a lecturer in logic. They are sitting in the sand enjoying the sun when they see the dean of the school coming their way. The history teacher and the grad student quickly cover their groins with a newspaper while the logic professor covers his face with his towel. After the dean has passed by, the two ask the logic guy why he covered his face,, “she could clearly see your junk”. The logic lecturer replied, “yeah, but I'm mostly recognized by my face.”

..........It's in him and it got to come out.........John Lee Hooker …..Boogie Chillen

Moonbeam: We work to eat to get the strength to work to eat to get the strength to work. ---John Dos Passos

Puzzle of the Week: This week's challenge comes from listener David Yanover, of South Pasadena, Calif. Take the name of a certain vegetable. Move the 7th, 5th, and 6th letters — in that order — to the front of the word. Phonetically you'll name another vegetable. What vegetables are these? NPR Puzzle Sunday 1/9/22

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Can we get whoever figured out how to mail 20 free AOL CDs to every man, woman, and child in the US out of retirement to get this test distribution thing under control? --Submitted by bd of ny

Week of the Week: National Mocktails Week (9-15) Mocktails: You suck so much, you need a straw. / You're as deep as a kiddie pool

A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife says, 'Is it a boy or a girl?' The logician says, 'Yes.' / Don’t argue with the logic of a sonogram technician: It’s ultrasound.

..........Hidee hidee hidee hi hode hode hode ho.........Cab Calloway …..Minnie The Moocher

^ The fastest recorded speed of a kite is 120+ mph.

Almanac: It is Friday, January 14, 2022. The moon will be full (wolf) on Monday and is in Gemini. It is Bean Day, Caesarean Section Day, International Kite Day, Organize Your Home Day, and World Logic Day.

Among those born on this day were Angelo Notari (1566), Angelo Predieri (1655), Benedict Arnold (1741), Albert Schweitzer (1875), Hugh Lofting (1886), Hal Roach (1892), John dos Passos (1896), Cecil Beaton (1904), William Bendix (1906), Andy Rooney (1919), Guy Williams (1924), Julian Bond (1940), Faye Dunaway (1941), LL Cool J (James Todd Smith, 1968), and Dave Grohl (1969).

On January fourteenth Connecticut adopted its first constitution (1639), the clarinet was invented (Germany, 1690), the US ratified a peace treaty with England ending the Revolutionary War (1783), Maryland ratified the US constitution (1784), the Supreme Court ruled segregation by race on trains unconstitutional (1878), Tosca premiered (1900), Ford opened the first assembly line plant (1914), the Today Show premiered (Dave Garroway & Jack Lescoulie, 1952). Little Richard released Tutti Frutti (1956), first Human Be-In was (San Francisco, 1967), The Blues Brothers movie opened (1980), and The Simpsons premiered (1990).

Night Sky, 1/14: Zero-magnitude Capella high overhead, and equally bright Rigel in Orion's foot, have almost the same right ascension. This means they cross your sky’s meridian at almost exactly the same time: around 9 or 10 pm now, depending on how far east or west you live in your time zone. So whenever Capella passes its very highest, Rigel always marks true south over your landscape, and vice versa. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Alexander Graham Bell created several geometric kites. This is one and this is where you can see pictures of others. Happy International Kite Day

This Week: Saturday, January 15 – Humanitarian Day & National Bagel Day & National Hat Day

Sunday, January 16 – Appreciate A Dragon Day & National Nothing Day & World Snow Day

Night Sky, 1/16: Here it is the coldest very bottom of the year, but the Summer Star, Vega, is still barely hanging in. Look for it twinkling over the northwest horizon during and shortly after nightfall. The farther north you are the higher it will be. If you're as far south as Florida, it's already gone.

Monday, January 17 – Martin Luther King, Jr Day & Judgment Day & Hot Heads Chili Day One

Tuesday, January 18 – National Disc Jockey Day & Pooh Day & Thesaurus Day

Wednesday, January 19 – Popcorn Day & Tin Can Day & World Quark Day

Night Sky, 1/19: Mars, in the feet of Ophiuchus, is low in the southeast in early dawn. It's far and faint at magnitude +1.5. To its right or upper right, Mars-colored Antares twinkles a little brighter at magnitude +1.0. Mars and Antares are nearly 10° apart on the morning of January 8th, widening to 13° by the 15th. Mars is on the far side of its orbit from us, so in a telescope it's just a tiny shimmering blob 4 arcseconds wide.

Thursday, January 20 – Penguin Awareness Day & Camcorder Day & Tech Day

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

..........The time will come when you'll be blue.........Hank Williams …..Your Cheatin' Heart

^^ The largest number of kites flown in a single line is 11,284. The record is held by a Japanese kite maker.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you think things are bad now, rumor has it that the next variant plays the accordion. --Submitted by jm of ??

Moonbeam: Life is to be used, not just held in the hand like a box of bonbons that nobody eats. --John Dos Passos

Strange Fact of the Week: When all this pandemic stuff is over, I still plan to wear a mask. It hides the perpetual look of annoyance I have for most people.

Video of the Week: It is Cuckoo Dancing Week (11-17) which celebrates the comedy of Laurel & Hardy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vq9W-3OE5nM

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The first anniversary of a coup attempt is the pipe-bomb anniversary. We expect, based on what happened this week, this to become an annual tradition eventually with lots of bargains at the Macy's Insurrection Day Sale. And all the children waiting for Riot Claus to break a window and storm in with presents. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 1/8/22

I can do no other than be reverent before everything that is called life. I can do no other than to have compassion for all that is called life. --Albert Sweitzer

A Logical Conclusion: They say a camera adds 10 pounds. After my last look in the mirror, I must be under heavy surveillance. / How do you program a computer to make beef stew? You use bullion logic.

..........I'm waiting for your company.........Fats Domino …..I'm Walkin'

^^^ The record for the highest single kite flown is 2801 meters or 12,471 feet.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in your pan? You take away their little brooms.

Weird Word of the Week: Backronym: a reverse acronym......A classic example is the Apgar score to test the health of newborns. It was named after physician Virginia Apgar but to help student doctors and nurses remember the system, it has been changed to the acronym “Appearance, Pulse, Grimace, Activity, and Respiration”.

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie ignoring the snowman

Miracle of the Week: Jeff got a doctor's form to get a handicapped card that you can hang on the rear view mirror. We went to the county treasurer's office prepared for a day in the queue. There were 2 clerks, one was talking to a guy who had obviously finished his business and was chatting. The other clerk waved us in, and we were back out on the street in about 10 minutes. Wow!

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean Bathroom Tile. Sprinkle Arm & Hammer Baking Soda on a damp sponge, scrub, and rinse clean. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/armhammer.html

Perfume is a very logical profession. It always makes scents. / Canadian COVID Logic: If I can hit you with a Hockey Stick...(And I will)...you're too close.

...........Playin' games and takin' scores.........Aretha Franklin …..Think

^^^^ The largest kite in the world is the Megabite, 55.22 meters (630 square meters or 6,781.26 square feet) ~~I tried to find a picture of it, but I failed.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Nelson was 5'4” tall. His statue in London is 16' tall. That's Horatio of 3:1.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Chattacon XLVII (14-16, Chattanooga, TN) --Chattacon is a convention for fans of science fiction and fantasy in all media https://chattacon.org/

Vintage Players One Liner of the Week: Sometimes it takes all day for me to get nothing done.

Actual Science Conference of the Week: International Conference & Exhibition on Traditional & Alternative Medicine (14, Miami, FL) a global platform for researchers and academicians to ... nurture new ideas and innovations in science and technology. https://allconferencealert.net/eventdetails.php?id=1507929

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Kohlrabi --> brakohli --> broccoli

I've just discovered that I have a logic fetish. I can't stop coming to conclusions. / My ex told me we broke up because I'm too reliant on logic and refuse to acknowledge my emotions. I told him, correlation is not causation.

..........Rollin', rollin', rollin'..........The Blues Brothers …..Theme from Rawhide

^^^^^ There are over 50 million kites sold in the US every year.

My Own Writing of the Week: Apollo was a nickname I assigned to tall lovers. To some I revealed the sobriquet and with others it was my secret label. I had other lovers that weren't Apollos and weren't tall and I had a couple of tall lovers that did not earn the epithet. I do not know if it was their height that gave the Apollos that extra dollop of sexual zest or if it was their height that gave me an extra dollop of sexual desire; but the tall ones pretty much became Apollo.

I once woke up in the night next to a golden Apollo. He was lean and had golden brown hair just a tad longer than the fashion of the time. He slept beautifully, obviously oblivious of the lure that radiated from him. He practically glowed in the dark with it. I took a moment and propped on my arm to watch and meditate on his breathing. Umm Ummm Um

I thought it would be a delight for him to wake up rock hard in my mouth. So I carefully shifted around under the covers moving slowly and in tiny increments. Then, I began to make love to the source of the lucidly lurid energy. I started slowly from the bottom to the top making it wet, making it hard with my hands and my mouth and finally even with my hair. His cock was long and lean like his body and it responded deliciously.

After a while in this titillating eternity, his body shuttered softly but he did not move. A moment later, I heard his voice and I froze. "Which bounteous gift thou shouldst in bounty cherish...", he was mumbling. Shakespeare, really? Sonnets? Wanting no truck with lit-er-a-ture in the middle of the night or the middle of the blow job, for that matter, I returned to my savory chore and in exactly sixteen easy strokes arrived at the desired result. --from Always Surrender: Memories, Observations, Micro-stories, Fantasies, and Lies from my Life as an Insurgent in the Sexual Revolution

Quote of the Week: The border between the Real and the Unreal is not fixed, but just marks the last place where rival gangs of shamans fought each other to a standstill. --Robert Anton Wilson --Submitted by MMS

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bats now use the term “Trumpshit Crazy” --Submitted by jm or??

Today's Peace of History, January 14, 1941: Philip Randolph, president of the Brotherhood of Sleeping Car Porters union, and widely considered de facto chief spokesperson for the African-American working class, called for a march on Washington, demanding racial integration of the military and equal access to defense-industry jobs.

Fiction Logic: How many anime dudes does it take to change a lightbulb? One... But it takes him 10 damned episodes./ What's the most logical building in the USA? The US Mint.. it makes a lot of cents.

..........Baby, don't you want to go.........The Blues Brothers …..Sweet Home Chicago

Masthead of the Week: Friday January 14, 2022, ePistemic ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: If there is a special Hades for writers it would be in the forced contemplation of their own works. --John Dos Passos

Cost of War:

As of 1/13/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,939,914,250,810.

As of 1/06/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,941,101,147,060.

As of 1/13/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,093,907,353,403.

As of 1/06/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,094,515,254,907.

As of 1/13/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $168,299,846,283.

As of 1/06/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $167,740,205,350.

As of 1/13/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,029,182,240,182.

As of 1/06/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,027,618,011,594.

As of 1/13/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,226,726,589,146 .

As of 1/06/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,214,878,196,642 .

As of 1/13/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,459,827,585,773.

As of 1/06/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,444,060,054,960.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

The demands of Jesus are difficult because they require us to do something extraordinary. At the same time He asks us to regard these [acts of goodness] as something usual, ordinary.compassion for all that is called life. --Albert Sweitzer

Famous Last Words: Peace. --Dave Garroway sign off for the Today Show

..........Bugsy turned to Shifty and he said, “Nix nix” …......The Blues Brothers with James Brown, Cab Calloway, Ray Charles, Aretha Franklin and the “crew” …..Jailhouse Rock ~~All of today's songs are from The Blues Brothers soundtrack.

Logical fallacies are annoying. Therefore, people that don't know about them are annoying. / I must have a fetish for circular logic because I just came to this conclusion.

May Peace quiet your soul

And Joy color your mind

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: