Hogmanay ePistle

 Famous First Words: Truckin', got my chips cashed in..... Truckin' Garcia and Weir

Best Jokes from January 2021 ePistles: A mob of the MAGA persuasion...Conducted a statehouse invasion... Though heavily armed...They parted unharmed...And that's how you know they're Caucasian. --Submitted by rhb of ks / Reason to fall in love with a Black Hole: A black hole will keep your secrets to itself, forever. / I'm staying up on New Year's Eve this year. Not to see the New Year in but to make sure this one leaves. --Submitted by INRITH

..........trying to be everybody else.........Odetta …..Hit Or Miss

Christine's Universal Theorems: 1) Fear Not

Better than a thousand hollow words, is one that brings peace. --Buddha

It is a beautiful Friday morning, The temperature has risen to 45°F with a light breeze. The sky is a clear azure with white clouds in fluffs and streams looking like Bob Ross painted them there; except they are wafting north by northeast in an unhurried trip to the new year. Three lines of ducks fly high overhead going west towards the lake. They are so noisy Puck stops and complains to them, but they just fly on. Or, maybe, they are complaining about him. When the sun peeks out, the white cloud edges glow almost golden. Dogs are barking but not Puck, that's unusual. He is busy sniffing every object laying on the greenish brown lawns...a smashed juice bottle, a colorful piece of cloth, a pile of kindling wrapped in twine. Such a lovely last day of 2021; it's as if the year is trying to redeem itself at the last minute. When we get back home, Puck settles into a first nap and I fix myself a cup of Vanilla Nut decaf (not hazel nut as I mistakenly wrote before). It smells of vanilla and cream; the steam gives my whole face a warm lift. Best of all, now I get to sit down to write to you.

Happy New Year, ePistliers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Year: Nobody claim 2022 as “your year”. We're all going to walk in real slow. Be good. Be quiet. Be cautious and respectful. Don't touch anything. --Submitted bu of ks

February 2021: The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. --Ellen DeGeneres / A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.” / My New Year's Resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about new year's resolutions.

..........Been working on the railroad, dollar and dime a day.........Odetta …..Muleskinner Blues

Christine's Universal Theorems: 2) All you have to do is straighten up

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to Jule Styne Can you name these Styne songs from the lyrics?

^ A kiss on the hand might be quite continental but ...

^^ ...I'd jump in the air and give all my toe shoes to you

^^^ ...before you came my time was running low

^^^^ ...Make just one someone happy

^^^^^ Since we've no place to go...

Questions from 2021 and before: Does the UK not pay it's prime minister enough money to get a decent haircut?

Hello: Nyob zoo – Hmong (Vietnam, Thailand & Laos) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Year: The fact that 2021 is already over is proof that time also flies when you are NOT having fun. --Submitted by aeb of kc

Max Picture of the Year: Max making the letter O

~~Every time I scanned past this picture a new caption popped into my head Max singing Opera / Max learning to whistle / Max and the giant Oops / Max discovers sour candy / Max learning German / Max blowing out a fire

Advice for the New Year: Remember to poop before midnight tonight. You don't want to carry any of this shit into the new year. --Submitted by RHOZ

Fake Library Statistic of the Year: During the winter 18% of librarians go outside during their lunch break to warm up. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

March 2021 - One day two spinach leaves, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over. The uninjured spinach leaf called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured spinach leaf was taken to the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured spinach leaf, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through." "The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life". / It is rumored that in Kansas there are still people standing on the front porch from Thanksgiving saying good-bye to relatives --Submitted by RHOZ

..........Gonna bust this rock, boy, from here to the Macon..........Odetta …..Waterboy

Christine's Universal Theorems: 3) There is a price for enlightenment; what you pay is attention

Moonbeam: Don't fight the problem, decide it. --George C Marshall

Meditation Seed of the Year: What did your pet name you?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Year: I don't want to end the year on bad terms with anyone...so apologize to me. --Submitted by INRITH

Week of the Year: It's About Time Week (25-31) –Last minute goals, deadlines, and inspirations: The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline. No one remembers where this tradition originated but every year it attracts many tourists from all over the world.

April 2021 – There are two million interesting people in New York and only eighty-eight in Los Angeles. --Neil Simon / May 2021 - The new restaurant has a science fiction theme. I was served by Darth Waiter. / I put my 2022 calendar in the freezer tonight so the year will start out cool.

..........I'd lark about them settlements and wear them foreign clothes.........Odetta …..If I Had A Ribbon Bow

Christine's Universal Theorems: 4) The only time you have is now

^ Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend written with Leo Robin for Gentlemen Prefer Blonds

Almanac: It is Friday, December 21, 2021. The moon will be new on Monday and is moon will be new on Sunday and is in Sagittarius. It is First Nights, Hogmanay, Make Up Your Mind Day, New Years Eve, Universal Hour of Peace Day, World Healing Day, and World Peace Meditation Day. Because it is the last business day of the year it is also No Interruptions Day.

Among those born on this day were Bonnie Prince Charlie (1720), Max Fiedler (1859), Robert G Aitken (1864), Henri Matisse (1869), George Marshall (1880), Colin G Fink (1881), Jule Styne (1905), Marko Rothmuller (1908), Rocky Graziano (1921), Sidney Greenbaum (1929), Odetta (1930), Anthony Hopkins (1937), Ben Kingsley (1943), Diane von Furstenberg (1946), Val Kilmer, and Bebe Neuwirth (1959),

On December thirty first Willem van Orange demanded freedom of conscience and religion (1564), ~~from whom did he demand this

On December thirty first the British East India Company was chartered (1600), France & Brandenburg signed a secret treaty (1669), France & England signed the Boyne-Treaty (1670), James Bradley reported discovery of the Earth's wobble (motion of nutation, 1744), the Mozart family moved from Vienna to Salzburg (1762), Rhode Island established wage and price controls (1776), the first US bank (Bank of North America) opened (1781), all Northern states banned import of African slaves (1783), Alabama became the first state to license dental surgeons (1841), West Virginia was admitted to the Union (1862), the incandescent lamp was demonstrated to the public for the first time (1879), Ellis Island opened as a US immigration depot (1890), Boers & British signed a peace treaty (1902), the ball in Time Square dropped for its first New Year (1907), Marie Curie received her second Nobel (1911), the last fire horse was retired (San Francisco, 1921), Hubble announced the existence of distant galactic systems (1924), Charles Darrow patented Monopoly (1935), Truman announced the end of WWII (1946), The Beach Boys performed publicly for the first time (1961), Jerry Garcia and Bob Weir played together for the first time (1963), the US left UNESCO (1984), and the Sci-Fi channel began transmitting (1990).

Night Sky, 12/31: After the noise and cheering at the turning of midnight tonight, step outside into the silent, cold dark. Shining high in the south will be Sirius, with the other stars of Canis Major to its right and below it. Sirius is the bottom star of the bright, equilateral Winter Triangle. The others are Betelgeuse in Orion's shoulder to Sirius's upper right, and Procyon the same distance to Sirius's upper left. The Triangle stands upright, just about in balance. Happy New Year. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Year: Last January's COVID Memorial

This Week: Saturday, January 1 – New Year's Day & Humane Day & Copyright Laws Day

Sunday, January 2 – National Buffet Day & National Science Fiction Day & World Introvert Day

Night Sky, 1/2: The Quadrantid meteor shower will peak overnight on January 2 (the morning of January 3). The new moon aligns with the peak activity. The Quadrantids have a zenithal hourly rate of 120 in a dark sky.

Monday, January 3 – JRR Tolkien Day & Festival of Sleep Day

Tuesday, January 4 – Tom Thumb Day & Trivia Day & World Braille Day

Wednesday, January 5 – Bird Day & Monopoly Game Day & Twelfth Night

Night Sky, 1/5: In January the bowl of the Little Dipper hangs straight down from Polaris around 8 or 9 pm, as if from a nail on the cold north wall of the winter sky

Thursday, January 6 – Epiphany aka Three Kings Day & National Shortbread Day & National Technology Day

June 2021 - Duct Tape: It can't fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound. / July 2021 - It was recently discovered that the hieroglyphs in King Tut's tomb were actually Egypt's Medicare drug plan. / Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year's Eve. It's December 31^st.

..........And that's where the trouble and the bubbling start.........Odetta …..Shame And Scandal

Christine's Universal Theorems: 5) It's all in your mind, you know

^^ If Momma Was Married written with Stephen Sondheim Gypsy

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Year: If President Biden declared breathing mandatory, half of Texas would suffocate itself on purpose. --Erin Gloria Ryan --Submitted by ss of kc

Moonbeam: Now is the time to become a myth. --Diane Von Furstenberg

Advise for the New Year: There are so many paths to contentment if you are open to self-delusion. --Submitted by MMS

Video of the Year: New Year's Day song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyJlnbn4xGc

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Year: Ollie with his Boris Johnson hairdo

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Year: And thanks as always to our fake audience, who, frankly, I'm getting so reliant on that now I play their applause when I successfully get dressed every day. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 12/25/21

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. --Buddha

August 2021 - I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you. / Little known fact: King Tut's mummy was wearing fruit-of-the-tomb underwear. / January 1st is when all the catepillers turn over a new leaf.

..........And the walls come tumblin' down.........Odetta …..Joshua

Christine's Universal Theorems: 6) Resist not evil

^^^ Just In Time with Adolph Green and Betty Comden Bells Are Ringing

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Year: Don't believe what you see in cartoons. No matter how hard you throw it a plunger will not stick to someone's face. Don't ask me how I know this. --Submitted by INRITH

Collective Nouns of the Year: A shrewdness of apes and a obstinacy of buffalo

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Boost the strength of liquid laundry detergent. Add one-half cup Arm & Hammer Baking Soda with the usual amount of detergent in your regular wash cycle. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/armhammer.html

Puzzle of the Year: This challenge came from listener Greg VanMechelen of Berkeley, Calif. Take the name of a well-known artist. The first name can be divided to form two common words that are synonyms. The last name can be anagrammed to form an antonym of those two words. Who is the artist, and what are the words? NPR Puzzle Sunday 12/26/21

September 2021 - In the World of Punctuation, Asterisks give a party. The party is for Asterisks only, and only Asterisks can enter. At some time the doorbell rings. One Asterisk opens the door and sees a Dot. The Asterisk says to the Dot: "I'm sorry, you cannot enter, this party is for Asterisks only" And the Dot says: "Idiot, it's me, Starburst. I put gel in my hair!" / Putin should declare a slightly larger marine sanctuary than ours, sparking an environmentalist “arms race” that ends with a clean unpolluted Earth. / Gluten free, diary free, fat free...the New Year's Champagne Diet.

...........I dreamed I was coming home from sea..........Odetta …..Lowlands

Christine's Universal Theorems: 7) All you need is love

^^^^ Make Someone Happy with Adolph Green and Betty Comden Do Re Mi

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Year: My son asked me if the letter W started with D. I can't stop thinking about it. --Submitted by RHOZ

Science Fiction Convention of the Year: There are no conventions this weekend – not even on Science Fiction Day

Name That Poet of the Year: All my undone actions wander naked across the calendar...

Actual Science Conference of the Year: International Conference on Animal Cloning and Transgenic Animals (30-31, Paris France) practical challenges encountered and solutions adopted … https://waset.org/animal-cloning-and-transgenic-animals-conference-in-december-2021-in-paris

Answer to Puzzle of the Year: Diego Rivera → Die, Go, Arrive

October 2021 - Does Pumpkinhead drink human spiced lattes? / October is Learn To Bowl Month. Bowling is the ideal sport. It's basically an hour of drinking beer occasionally interrupted by 6 seconds of exercise. / Here's to 2022 ! At least it can't be much worse.

..........When I laid my burden down.........Odetta …..Glory Glory

Christine's Universal Theorems: 8) We are all one

^^^^^ Let It Snow Let It Snow Let It Snow with Sammy Cahn ...because they were in California and missed winter

My Own Writing of the Year: fierce...howling...chapping...rattling Canyon winds terrorize toddlers and bite the skin of all living things. --from Canyon Winds Salt Lake City

Poet of the Year: December 31 by Robert Hoffman

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Year: To everyone who received a book from me for Christmas, -- Head's Up they're due back on January 5^th.

Today's Peace of History:, December 31, 1915: The U.S. branch of the International Fellowship of Reconciliation (FOR) was founded.

November 2021 - A monk who gets a philosophy degree is called a deep friar. / When Pierce Polar Bear learned that the Antarctic was not the same as the Arctic, he was stunned. He'd never heard of polar opposites. / Stir the eggnog. Lift the toddy. Happy New Year, Everybody.

..........Hadn't said a single word, she'd kicked up her heels and started.........Odetta …..Devilish Mary

Christine's Universal Theorems: 9) Who draws water must adorn the well

Masthead of the Year: Friday ePistle December 31, 2021, Hogmanay ePistle Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: I travel light. I think the most important thing is to be in a good mood and enjoy life, wherever you are. --Diane Von Furstenberg

Cost of War:

As of 12/30/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,938,756,451,329.

As of 12/23/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,937,575,675,806.

As of 12/30/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,092,709,430,830.

As of 12/23/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,093,314,311,710.

As of 12/30/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $167,194,236,876.

As of 12/23/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $166,637,371,624.

As of 12/30/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,026,094,177,894.

As of 12/23/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,024,538,770,275.

As of 12/30/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,203,318,175,168 .

As of 12/23/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,191,525,019,174 .

As of 12/30/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,428,679,774,665.

As of 12/23/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,412,991,947,553.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Resolutely train yourself to attain peace. --Buddha

Christine's Universal Theorems: 10) It's a dying empire, enjoy

….......I don't want your corn bread and molasses..........Odetta …..Take This Hammer

December 2020 - Why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway? / Thanks for making the longest night of the year longer by explaining why it's the longest night of the year. / Here's to 2022 - Hope it's not 2020 too.

Famous Last Words: Grrrrrrrr – Chewbacca..........The final line of the first Star War movie released which was the first program aired on the Sci Fi Channel

May Peace define your year

And Joy fill every day

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

ePistle eVe

 Famous First Words: T'was the night before Christmas... A Visit From St Nickolas by Clement Moore

Let's both be naughty and save Santa the trip. / Along with the three wise men, the shepherds, and the others who showed up at the manger, there was also a fellow on a white charger, wearing a suit of armor. But he didn’t have as good a publicity agent as those other guys, so he never got as famous as the others, only one Christmas song celebrates his part in the proceedings, “O Holy Knight.”.

Joyeux Noel ..... Buon Natale

..........Jeremiah was a bullfrog.........Three Dog Night …..Joy To The World

Glory to god in the highest and on earth peace, good-will to all --Luke 2:14

It is a beautiful Christmas Eve morning. The temperature is 51°F with a light southern breeze. The sun is shining through gossamer clouds winding like lace across the blue sky. The pavement is wet with dew and smells like a rain; the grass glistens with dew but the ground is not wet. It does not smell of fresh rain. The local murder of crows flies by and wishes us Merry Christmas with raucous voices. Puck barks a greeting back to them. A distant dog joins the conversation but Puck doesn't respond. We make it to the end of the cul-de-sac and sniff every blade of grass along the curb without getting our paws in the wet grass. Not a single car comes or goes during our walk and the noise of motors on other blocks seems muted and far away. With a final farewell bark we return to the house. It smells of brewing coffee and spent incense. Puck settles into his bed for his early morning nap and I fix coffee – today is Café Carmel – and sit down to write to you. What a great Christmas Eve.

Merry Christmas to all, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you're out today, be nice to the retail workers. It's not their fault you waited until Mary's water broke to shop. --Submitted by RHOZ

If I were the Grinch, I'd steal you. / Deck us all with Boston Charlie. --Walt Kelly / My kids said they want a cat for Christmas. Usually I serve turkey.

Frohe Weinachten … ....... Vrolijk derstfeest

..........We're dancing to the rhythm of your heart.........Rend Collective …..Joy

Gifts I Would Give You If I Could #1: All the time you need to do all the things you want to do

Trivia Questions: Do you know – or can you guess – from which country these Christmas traditions come?

^ Where (or when) was the very first recorded decorated Christmas?

^^ Where is the tradition of ringing bells on Christmas Eve to announce the devil's death enacted?

^^^ Which country celebrates La Noche Buena?

^^^^ Where is the Jolabokaflod (The Christmas Book Flood)?

^^^^^ Where does Christmas Eve dinner have to wait until the first star appears in the sky?

Big Hello: Namaste - Hindi https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Velociraptor = distranceraptor divided by timeraptor

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Liz Cheney is hunting for culprits; we've all heard how hunting with a Cheney goes.

Max Picture of the Week: Max and the complex Christmas picture: Max is exercising with the person on tv. The tree is behind a fence. So are the presents.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: The "Librarian Diet" is eating only one holiday treat each time you pass the break room. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Wanna make this a not so silent night? / Hipster Santa would prefer you leave out coconut water and a gluten free macaroon.

Wesołych świąt Bożego Narodzenia. … ......Feliz Natal

..........You move me.........Depeche Mode …..My Joy

Gifts I Would Give You If I Could #2: The apology you deserve but never got.

Moonbeam: The free thinking of one age is the common sense of the next. --Matthew Arnold

Meditation Seed of the Week: What is the ugliest Christmas ornament you ever owned or saw?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A guy goes into his dentist’s office, because something is wrong with his mouth. After a brief examination, the dentist exclaims, “Holy Smoke! That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded! What on earth have you been eating?” “Well... the only thing I can think of is this... my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it... Hollandaise sauce she called it... and doctor, I’m talkin’ DELICIOUS! I’ve never tasted anything like it, and ever since then I’ve been putting it on everything... meat, fish, toast, vegetables... you name it!” “That’s probably it,” replied the dentist “Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive. It seems as thought I’ll have to install a new plate, but made out of chrome this time.” “Why chrome?” the man asked. “Well, everyone knows that there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!”

Let's pretend to be presents and get laid under the tree. / I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. --Dick Gregory

Crăciun fericit. … ....... Geseënde Kersfees

..........Everything is on the wing..........Bonnie “Prince” Billy …..Joy And Jubilee

Gifts I Would Give You If I Could #3: The ability to talk to animals. ~~This might be a curse instead of a gift – not sure.

^ The city of Riga, Latvia holds the claim as home to history's first decorated Christmas tree, back in 1510.

Almanac: It is Friday, December 24, 2021. The moon will be in the last quarter on Sunday and is in Virgo. It is Christmas Eve and Egg Nog Day.

Among those born on this day were Johann Ernst Hartmann (1726), Kit Carson (1809), Henry Russell (1812), James P Joule (1818), Mathew Arnold (1822), Juan R Jimenez (1881), Howard Hughes (1905), I F Stone (1907), Adam Popovich (1909). Fritz Leiber, Jr (1910), Anwar El Sadat (1918), Ava Gardner (1922), Mary Higgins Clark (1927), Anthony Fauci (1940), and Mary Ramsey (1963).

On December twenty-fourth Wolsey was appointed Lord Chancellor of England (1515), Treaty of Ghent signed ending War of 1812 (1814), Silent Night was sung for the first time (1818), the first US Negro hospital was founded (Savannah, 1832), fire devastated the Library of Congress (1851), Aida premiered (1870), Caruso gave his last public performance (NYC, 1920), the London Colosseum opened (1922), La Zapatera Prodigiosa premiered (Madrid, 1930), the National Council of Negro Women was founded (1935), the first televised opera aired (Amahl & the Night Visitors, 1951), Laos gained independence (1954), and Mikhail Gorbachev resigned as head of the Soviet Union (1991).

Night Sky, 12/24: The Jupiter-Saturn-Venus line at dusk slowly continues to evolve. Saturn is now a little closer to Venus; a month ago it was closer to Jupiter. And the whole line is sliding farther to the lower right. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Another Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Who knew there was such a fine line between prosperity theology and wretched excess. --Submitted by MMS

Image of the Week: Puck in his Christmas finery.

This Week: Saturday, December 25 – A'phabet Day aka No “L” Day & Christmas

Sunday, December 26 – Boxing Day & Kwanzaa, Day One & National Thank-you Note Day

Night Sky, 12/26: Orion shines orange Aldebaran with the large, loose Hyades cluster in its background. Binoculars are the ideal instrument for this cluster given its size: its brightest stars (4th and 5th magnitude) span an area about 4° wide. Higher above, the Pleiades are hardly more than 1° across counting just the brightest stars.

Monday, December 27 – Howdy Doody Day & Visit the Zoo Day

Tuesday, December 28 – Holy Innocents Day & Endangered Species Act Day & Pledge of Allegiance Day

Wednesday, December 29 – Tick Tock Day & YMCA Day

Night Sky, 12/29 : Mars, far and faint at magnitude +1.6, is very low in the dawn this week far below high Arcturus. Mars is crossing upper Scorpius.

Thursday, December 30 – Bacon Day & Falling Needles Family Fest

I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you. / You're either Buddy the Elf or the Grinch. There is no middle ground.

Eedookh Breekha ...... .... shubho bôṛodin

..........Now my morning has broken.........Bastille …..Joy

^^ According to old English folk tales, the Devil died when Jesus was born. So some towns developed a Christmas Eve tradition of ringing the church bells near midnight to announce the Devil’s demise. In England this custom was called tolling or ringing “the Devil’s knell.”

Former Preantepenultimate Thing I Read of the Week: Sanity Saver: The last kid out of bed in the morning gets to open the first present. --Submitted by RHOZ

Moonbeam: Every government is run by liars. --I F Stone

Video of the Week: The Silent Monks sing the Hallelujah Chorus

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie on cowbell for the Jayhawks

Yet Another Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Imagine how excited Barn Owls were when humans invented barns. --Submitted by ma of va

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Christmas trees, in general, are found to improve your mental well being but the benefit falls off sharply when you buy a fake tree This is because an artificial tree is far less likely to fall on the family member causing your mental health problems. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 12/18/21

How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace. --Romans 10:15

Favorite Christmas Quote of the Week: ...a kid so stoned even the cows knew it. --Stephen Gaskin

You must be an evergreen, you look good all year around. / Reindeer games: I'll see your five golden rings and raise you three French hens.

Chag Molad Sameach ...... .... Linksmų Kalėd

..........Life is the answer to all the questions.........Soul II Soul …..Joy

^^^ In Peru, December 24th, which is known as La Noche Buena (“the Good Night”), is the main day for celebrations. After mass, families go home to feast, open gifts, and toast each other at midnight. The most important decorations are pesebre– Nativity scenes intricately carved from wood or stone. Gifts are spread around the manger rather than a tree, and it’s considered lucky to be the one chosen to put the figurine of baby Jesus into the manger on Christmas Eve.

Former Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: According to a new poll, this year the majority of people started their Christmas shopping before November. Mostly because nobody has known what month it is since March 2020. --Jimmy Fallon

Still Another Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: .It's perfectly OK to talk to yourself and it's perfectly OK to answer yourself. But it's totally sad that you have to repeat what you said because you weren't listening. --Submitted by ss of kc

Collective Nouns of the Week: An assembly of toys and a chorus of angels

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean a stainless steel sink. Sprinkle Arm & Hammer Baking Soda on a damp sponge, scrub the sink, and rinse clean. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/armhammer.html

Puzzle of the Week: Last week's challenge came from Michael Shteyman, of Freeland, Md. Think of a major US city in two words. Insert an L in the exact middle of the second word. Now read the first word forward and the second word backward, and you'll name two things associated with this time of year. What are they? --NPR Puzzle Sunday 12/19/21

I can tell you're quite the elf-a male. / Last year I gave you my heart. This year you're getting socks.

Maligayang Pasko .......... Meri Kirihimete

1. would cradle you tight in my arms, always.........Snow Patrol …..You Are My Joy

   Gifts I Would Give You If I Could #4: A Feeling of peace so profound it makes you a bit sleepy

^^^^ People in Iceland will often exchange books on Christmas Eve, then spend the rest of the night reading them and eating chocolate. The tradition is part of a season called Jolabokaflod, or “The Christmas Book Flood.” As a result, Iceland publishes more books per capita than any other country selling most of them between September and November.

I've Lost Count of Extra Funniest Things I Read of the Week: Always Jingle All The Way...Nobody likes a half-assed jingler. --Submitted by PsyDe

Former Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I watched a Hallmark movie backwards. A woman in an ugly Christmas sweater dumped her loser, small town boyfriend to pursue a law career in NYC where she lived happily ever after in pencil skirts and amazing shoes. --Crystal Lowery

Name That Poet Of The Week: I made myself a snowball As perfect as could be, I thought I'd keep it as a pet, And let it sleep with me...

Vintage Players One Liner of the Week: Have you ever noticed: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL

You must live at the north pole, because you're so cool. / Santa: Before you laugh at children for believing in me, remember there are adults that believe Donald Trump won the election.

E güeti Wïnâchte .......... Meri Kirihimete

..........Love like ours will never grow old.........Stevie Ray Vaughan …..Pride and Joy

Gifts I Would Give You If I Could #5: Permission to be imperfect

^^^^^ On Christmas Eve in Poland, dinner cannot begin until the first star appears in the night sky, symbolizing the sight of the star of Bethlehem. But tradition dictates that the breaking of the oplatek– a Polish Christmas wafer– also has to happen before everyone can eat. An oplatek is a thin, tasteless wafer that is typically rectangular in shape and is often embossed with a traditonally Christmas symbol, such as the Nativity or the Star of Bethlehem. Once everyone is gathered around the table, each person will break off a piece of the wafer as they wish each other Merry Christmas, along with wishes for peace and prosperity.

My Own Writing of the Week: Hidden in Spirit

Come sing with me a merry song and I will play for you

the harp that dwells within your soul.

Come play with me a happy song and I will stir for you

the pipes that lay silent in your mind.

Come laugh with me a joyful song and I will set to music

the quiet melodies in your spirit.

Poet of the Week: Shel Silverstein Snowball

Former Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: New Movie Idea: Small town farm boy goes to the big city and falls in love with a hotshot lawyer woman who convinces him to move into the city and start hating Christmas.

Final Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Imagine you miss a payment on a Tesla and it just drives itself right back to the dealership. --Submitted by INRITH

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Santa Fe → Santa, elf

Today's Peace of History, December 24, 1935: Extraordinary educator and political leader Mary McLeod Bethune (1875-1955) founded NCNW as an “organization of organizations” to represent national and international concerns of Black women.

Call me Rudolph, because you just sleigh me. / I know what I'm getting for Christmas, fat. I'm getting fat.

Hyvää joulua .......... Veselé Vánoce

..........Let it move you, let it move, let it move you.........For King And Country …..Joy

Gifts I Would Give You If I Could #6: Freedom from fear (and a fun pair of socks)

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle December 24, 2021, ePistle eVe. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Strange Fact of the Week: Christmas was originally celebrated as an adult form of "trick or treat," but with the "treat" consisting of booze and the threatened "trick" consisting of bodily harm or destruction of property.

Moonbeam: It is so small a thing to have enjoy'd the sun. --Matthew Arnold

Cost of War:

As of 12/23/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,937,575,675,806.

As of 12/16/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,936,378,997,958.

As of 12/23/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,092,709,430,830.

As of 12/16/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,092,096,596,936.

As of 12/23/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $166,637,371,624.

As of 12/16/21 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $166,073,110,623.

As of 12/23/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,024,538,770,275.

As of 12/16/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,022,962,910,144.

As of 12/23/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,191,525,019,174 .

As of 12/16/21 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,179,584,236,613 .

As of 12/23/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,412,991,947,553.

As of 12/16/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,397,097,854,512.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

"Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness." --James 3:18

..........Let the angel voices sing.........George Fredrick Handel ….Joy To The World

Nadelik Lowen....K K KKrismas Chibai

Yule do. / Janet was traveling to Seattle on business. Knowing how the winter weather is in that city and lacking the proper clothing, she went to a local outdoor shop to buy wet weather boots. Not finding what she was looking for at several stores, a salesman finally suggested that she go to Rudolph’s.“Rudolph’s?” Janet said. “Do you mean the Russian specialty store?” To which the salesman answered, “Rudolph the Red knows rain gear.”

Famous Last Words: Peace, I implore you! Peace, peace, peace! --Aida

May Peace enlighten your holidays

And Joy permeate your celebrations

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: