bLoomin' ePistle

 Famous First Words: The following words... Charter of the City of Boston, MA

It is the day before the Spring Equinox. It is the Festival of the Goddess of Fertility. You know you're struggling with infertility when the phrase “Hey sweetie, I'm ovulating” becomes foreplay.

Now listen to the words of the Great Star Mother,
In days long past called by one name or tuther,

tune of the Beverly Hillbillies Theme

..........I was down in the valley where the shadows are long.........Jefferson Starship …..Harp Tree Lament Today's songs are from the playlist of their first tour

Make peace, create peace, be the example of peace. We need peace in the world. --Pope Francis

It is a crisp (32°F) Friday morning. The sky is blue, the sun is abundant, and there is very little breeze to blow such bliss away. The world is greening. Lawns are looking like lawns. The thin willow branches are bursting with new leaves and hiding the stately evergreen. Only the old staid trees are still without hint of foliage. A streak of blue flashes across the scene and a jay lands briefly on the fence before darting off the morning's chores. No other birds are in sight and no bird sounds can be heard...only distant motors racing off to work and a lone dog arguing...probably with squirrels. As the freeze warms off, the smell of damp soil and new growth fills the air with hope and newness. But I hustle Puck back inside and close the door against the chill so I can sip nearly hot decaf – sweetened and creamed – and think about you.

Hope the weekend multiplies your fun, ePistlers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The real losers of the Harry and Meghan drama is the people of Sussex, who, left leaderless without their Duke, are now defenseless against incursions from Hampshire and Kent.

In Vito Fertilization: taking the fun out of procreation since 1978.

"I am your Mammy, Queen of Earth, Air, Fire, Sea,
So you better quit your yappin' an' listen to me."

..........You must try some of my purple berries.........Jefferson Starship …..Wooden Ships

Trivia Questions: Happy World Sleep Day

^ Any idea how the full moon affects our sleep patterns?

^^ About how long should it take you to fall asleep?

^^^ What breed of dog can also experience sleep apnea?

^^^^ What percentage of us dream in color?

^^^^^ Is there a relationship between appetite and sleep and if so, what is it?

Big Hello: Guuten takh – Cimbrian (northern Italy) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I was feeling mopey, until I remembered that I have a degree in English...Now I'm feeling forlorn. --Submitted by cmr of ks

Max Picture of the Week: Frogman Max in The Hunt For Green Kermit

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: A decade later 99% of librarians will still feel guilty about a reference question where they gave out incorrect information https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

How do I want my eggs? Fertilized, please.

(Isis that is, Astarte, Cerridwen)

..........It will be black and white in the dead of night.........Jefferson Starship …..Ride The Tiger

Moonbeam: No one can earn a million dollars honestly. --William Jennings Bryan

Meditation Seed of the Week: What are you pretending not to know?

Observation of the Week: To those who still wear their mask below the nose, it's been almost a year now; it takes less time to potty train a toddler. --Submitted by ss of mo

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Spaniards harvested crystals and sent them by ship back to Europe. And that's when we first determined how many quartz are in a galleon. --Submitted by HPF

Week of the Week: National Fix a Leak Week (15-210 --Here's the Beatles singing Fixing A Hole

Spent thousands on birth control over the years only to find out my uterus is childproof anyway.

"Now y'all listen up, 'cause I'd hate to be a bitch,
When we have our shindigs t'aint none should wear a stitch.

..........He only has the moves of a knight.........Jefferson Starship …..Devil's Den

^ Research shows that in the days leading up to a full moon, people go to bed later and sleep less, although the reasons are unclear.

Almanac: It is Friday, March 19, 2021. The moon will be first quarter on Sunday and is in Gemini. It is National Certified Nurses Day, National Chocolate Caramel Day, National Day of Action Against Bullying and Violence, National Farm Rescuer Day, National Poultry Day, Operation Iraqi Freedom Day, and Swallows Return to San Juan Capistrano Day. Because it is the Friday of the second full week it is World Sleep Day, Further because it is the Day before the Spring Equinox it is also Goddess of Fertility Day.

Among those born on this day were William Bradford (1589), Alonza Cano (1501), Aleksei Romanov (1629), Thomas McKean (1734), David Livingstone (1813), Richard Burton (1821), William Allingham (1821), Wyatt Earp (1848), William Jennings Bryan (1860), Joseph Haas (1879), Earl Warren (1891), Moms Mabley (1894), John J K Sirica (1904), Adolf Eichmann (1906), Irving Wallace (1916), Philip Roth (1933), Ursula Andress (1936), Lynda Bird Johnson Robb (1944), Glenn Close (1947), and Walter Bruce Willis (1955).

On March nineteenth the first lunar eclipse was recorded (Babylon, 721 BCE), the Peace of Amboise was signed (1563), Massachusetts colony was founded (1628), Haydn's Die Schöpfung premiered (Vienna, 1799), Boston, MA was incorporated (1822), Pluto was first photographed (1915), the 8-Hour work week was upheld by the Supreme Court (1917), Congress established time zones and approved daylight savings time (1918), the US Senate refused to ratify the Treaty of Versailles because of the League of Nations clause (1920), Nevada legalized gambling (1931), the Thoroughbred Racing Association was formed (1942), the Atomic Energy museum opened (Oak Ridge, TN, 1949), Wouk's Caine Mutiny was published (1951), William's Camino Real premiered (1953), the Chicago 8 were indicted (1969), the Jefferson Starship nee Airplane began their first tour (1974), 40,000 demonstrated against the neutron bomb (Amsterdam, 1978), and the KC Royals put Bo Jackson on waivers (1991).

Night Sky, 3/19: Pollux and Castor in Gemini pass nearly overhead around 7 pm this week if you live in the world's mid-northern latitudes. They go smack overhead as seen from near latitude 30° N: Austin, Houston, the US Gulf Coast, northernmost Africa, Tibet, Shanghai. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Deb Haaland became the first native American Secretary of the Interior and in fact the first ever in the cabinet.

This Week: Saturday, March 20 – Spring Equinox & International Day of Happiness & Great American MeatOut Day

Night Sky, 3/20: Earth crosses the March equinox point on its orbit at 5:37 am EDT. This is when the Sun crosses the equator (both Earth's equator and, equivalently, the celestial equator), heading north. Spring begins in the Northern Hemisphere, fall in the Southern Hemisphere. And no, eggs don't balance today any better than they usually do, in case someone tries to tell you that.

Sunday, March 21 – International Colour Day & Memory Day & National Fragrance Day

Night Sky, 3/21 : Now the Moon shines between the horn tips of Taurus, Beta and Zeta Tauri. These two stars form a long rectangle with Mars and Aldebaran: a temporary asterism special to mid-March 2021.

Monday, March 22 – International Day of the Seal & National Goof-Off Day & Talk Like William Shatner Day

Tuesday, March 23 – National Puppy Day & OK Day & World Meteorological Day

Wednesday, March 24 – National Equal Pay Day & World Tuberculosis Day

Thursday, March 25 – Tolkien Reading Day & Pecan Day

Is there fertility therapy for seedless watermelons?

Y'all will eat an' drink an' dance an' love, to show that you're free,
'Cause all acts of pleasure are sacred to me."

..........A hot stop and real fine sugar.........Jefferson Starship …..Better Lying Down

^^ If it takes you less than five minutes to fall asleep at night, you’re probably sleep-deprived. Ideally, falling asleep should take 10 to 15 minutes.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The legendary cellist Pablo Casals was asked why he continued to practice at age 90. “Because I think I'm making progress,” he replied.

Moonbeam: I think my father felt very strongly that when there was bigotry anywhere, prejudice anywhere, all of us lose out. --Lynda Bird Johnson Robb

Late Night Snacks of the Week: “It is interesting who gets to be ‘American citizens who came to their own conclusions’ and who gets to be ‘criminal mobs who destroy what the rest of us have built'. It does seem like the dividing line for Tucker Carlson on that question is ‘how easily can you sunburn?’ --John Oliver / These accusations are some serious shit. From bullying to a Mad Men office culture that encouraged women to wear dresses and heels, it “sounds like Cuomo basically thought of himself as a bouncer outside a nightclub. Which is convenient for him, because that might be his job in a couple months. --Trevor Noah / Can we now agree that the term ‘cancel culture’ is now officially meaningless? Andrew Cuomo is using the same line as the people who spent the last three weeks getting mad about the Muppets, Mr Potato Head, and Looney Tunes. --Seth Meyers / Which is it? Is Trump not getting the credit he deserves for manufacturing the vaccine? Or is this how Bill Gates controls our minds? --Jimmy Kimmel / It doesn’t have to be one thing on its own – America is a rich tapestry of mass shooting motivations. --Stephen Colbert

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie, the real boss, driving his smiling Little Tykes Pink Cadillac

Not So Late Night Snack of the Week: From the blockbuster Meghan and Harry interview with Oprah this week. As you heard, Prince William said, of course, the royal family isn't racist. No, they judge people on the content of their character and their bloodline going back at least 10 generations. The American Kennel Club is less concerned with breeding than these people. This is true. I don't know if you know this. Shortly after the interview, the royal family's Instagram feed started featuring pictures of Prince Charles with people of color. That's true. Of course...They didn't really have any of those ready to go, so they just posted the negatives of the pictures they already had. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 3/13/21

Many powerful people don't want peace because they live off war. --Pope Francis

Clomid, the gateway drug. Next thing you know … you're poppin' Estace and shootin' up Progesterone.

(Skyclad that is, Great Rite, Cakes an' Wine)

..........Circles in the ring of fire, where do you go.........Jefferson Starship …..Hyperdrive

^^^ English bulldogs are the only canines known to experience sleep apnea, a breathing disorder. Their unusual airway anatomy (short snouts and underbites) is likely the reason.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Nothing is impossible. I disagree. I'm doing nothing right now and it's totally possible. --Submitted by INRITH

Weird Word of the Week: Infandous – unspeakable or too odious to be expressed or mentioned. From the Old English World Wide Words: Infandous

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Immobilize flying insects. Spray Alberto VO5 Hair Spray on the flying insect to stiffen its wings, bringing the pest spiraling to the ground. ~~I'm sorry – wacky uses aren't generally gory. You would also have hairspray floating around on the air. Ick. Alberto VO5® Hair Spray: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: Last week's challenge comes from listener Mark Scott, of Seattle. Think of a country with a one-word name. You can rearrange its letters to identify a member of one of our country's armed forces. Who is that, and what's the country? National Public Radio Sunday Puzzle 3/14/21

Want to see something really scary? Give me 10 straight days of hormone injections and then tell me we're out of chocolate. – https://www.attainfertility.com

"If you wanna know my secrets, then look in your own hide,
'Cause if what you seek ain't there, well, it won't be found outside.

...........Moon rise above the Rio Grande.........Jefferson Starship …..All Fly Away

^^^^ Today, 75% of us dream in color. Before color television, just 15% of us did. ~~There are as many opinions about this as there are colors in a 64 crayon box.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A saint is a dead liberal who is worshiped by living conservatives.

Science Fiction Joke of the Week: How many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb? A) Just one. A Klingon would never display such dishonor by allowing someone else to help them with such a remedial task. B) Two. One to change it, and the other to shoot 'em and take the credit.

Great Question of the Week: Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of Worcestershire Sauce? --Submitted by ss of mo

Actual Science Joke of the Week: 300,000,000,000 photons can hit you per second and you don't even flinch, because they are so light. / I bought a book about photons the other day for a bit of light reading.

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Suriname -> U.S. Marine OR Myanmar -> Army man OR Armenia -> A marine

How would you like your eggs, Inseminated, frozen, or sunny side up.

The greatest Mysteries t'aint really dread nor dire,
I'm with you at the start, and at the end of desire."

..........Got a revolution. Got a revolution.........Jefferson Starship …..Volunteers

^^^^^ Going without sleep is likely to make you hungry as levels of leptin, an appetite-regulating hormone, fall.

Quote of the Week: There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are. --Somerset Maugham --Submitted by dr of oh

Recreating Famous Paintings With Anything You Can Find of the Week:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: McConnell threatens to grind senate to halt if dems don't let him keep grinding senate to halt. --Submitted by rk of ks

Today's Peace of History, June 19, 1990: The first world ice hockey tournament for women was held in Ottawa. Switzerland won it.

What is the fetal position of a test tube baby?

(That's right, listen to your heart. Y'all will come back now, y'hear?)

..........When the truth is found to be lies.........Jefferson Starship …..Somebody to Love

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle March 19, 2021, Blooming ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: If it is a mistake of the head and not the heart don't worry about it, that's the way we learn. --Earl Warrren

Cost of War:

As of 3/18/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,113,855,640,518.

As of 3/11/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,111,845,228,391.

As of 3/18/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,025,523,113,680.

As of 3/11/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,024,157,029,601.

As of 3/18/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $838,886,101,617.

As of 3/11/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $837,158,950,932.

As of 3/18/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $346,292,276,475.

As of 3/11/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $345,902,054,114.

As of 3/18/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,324,557,868,926.

As of 3/11/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,319,074,147,132.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Peace is the language we must speak. --Pope Francis

Famous Last Words: ...er bleibt in Ewigkeit. Amen -Haydn's Die Schöpfung (It will stay forever. Amen)

..........Think of the times you have sat by yourself and wondered.........Jefferson Starship …..That's for Sure

You know you're struggling with infertility when your phone auto-corrects “I've” to IVF.

May your Peace blossom

And your Joy multiply

prairie mama

christine

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