ePistle Florentine

 Famous First Words: No eggs. No eggs. --Robert from Saint Joan by Bernard Shaw

Happy Spinach Day! When Spinach drinks, it's at the Salad Bar. / They call it Popeye's cause they cook it in Olive Oyl.

..........with a classy kind of sassy.........Aerosmith (Steven Tyler) …..Walk This Way

There's another way to survive. Mutual trust and help. --James T Kirk

It is a foggy Friday morning. Humidity has turned the backyard into an impressionist painting of early spring. 34°F is chilly with a hint of warmth to come. There is no breeze and the willow branches in their new frocks are hanging like green Spanish moss. The earth smells of damp soil and rain. There is no movement...no squirrels or birds, no cars or bicycles, not even a dog, just this misty landscape. The sun looks as if it wants to rise and chase away this low hanging cloud, but so far it is only a light spot in the east. So Puck comes inside and I stretch my body and settle down in front of my computer. My decaf is hot and creamy and artificially sweet. I think about the day and ePistliers and sound of distant birdsong but my eyes are drawn back to the painting that is the world.

Hope your weekend is strong to the finich, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Some people are solving major world problems, and I'm over here all excited because I found my missing sock inside a pair of my underwear. --Submitted by INRITH

Brutus lost his fight with Popeye; he didn't expect the Spinach Acquisition. / This spinach is so fresh it has an auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.

The Popeye Theme Song ~~In case you've forgotten

..........Her dog day's just begun........Aerosmith (Steven Tyler) …..Water Song

Trivia Questions: It is the 217^th anniversary of the Indian Removal Act.

^ Which president proposed the Indian Removal Act?

^^ How did the “removal” work?

^^^ How was Kansas connected to the plan?

^^^^ Which eastern state began pushing for not so voluntary removal from president John Quincy Adams?

^^^^^ Under which president did the whole plan go south – or west, as it were?

Big Hello: Kopivosian – Coastal Kadazan (Borneo) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Don't allow men who hate women to define feminism as women who hate men.

Max Picture of the Week: Max playing Jeff Healey style guitar for an appreciative Ollie. ~~Max has an excellent expression for playing the blues.

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 89% of a librarian's current bookmarks are receipts from the liquor store. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

One day two spinach leaves, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over. The uninjured spinach leaf called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured spinach leaf was taken to the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured spinach leaf, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through." "The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life". / Popeye drinks his martini with one olive on the rocks.

..........Oooh, it's a sunny day outside my window........Aerosmith (Steven Tyler) …..Uncle Salty

Moonbeam: The coffee was so strong it snarled as it lurched out of the pot. --Betty MacDonald

Meditation Seed of the Week: Dare we face the question of just how much of the darkness around us is our own making? --Betty MacDonald

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I was happily watching the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra, when the guy on triangle disappeared. --Submitted by INRITH

Week of the Week: National Agriculture Week (21-27) – Farmer Jane is having a terrible year. Her organic vegetables are dying of natural causes. Her strawberries are crying because their ma is in a jam. And her corn is suing her for pulling their ears.

Fun fact: Popeye isn't actually that strong by Danish or Norwegian standards but he's strong to the Finnish. / My mother taught me about patience: You'll sit there until you finish all your spinach.

..........All these lines on my face getting clearer........Aerosmith (Steven Tyler) …..Dream On

^ At the time of the Louisiana Purchase (1803), President Thomas Jefferson believed that American Indians could be moved from the East to lands in the new territory. This would free up lands in demand by white settlers.

Almanac: It is Friday, March 26, 2021. The moon will be full (Worm) on Sunday and is in Virgo. It is Legal Assistants Day, Live Long And Prosper Day, Make Up Your Own Holiday Day, Purple Day, and Spinach Day. Hawaii honors Prince Jonah Kuhio Kalanianole with Regatta Day and Bangladesh celebrates Independence Day (1971). In Hampshire, England it is the charity festival called Tichborne Dole (1150); while in Lesotho, Spain it is Arbor Day aka Fiesta del Arbol (1895) and Taiwan celebrates the Birthday of Kuan Yin, Goddess of Mercy.

Among those born on this day were Benjamin Thompson (1753), Nathaniel Bowditch (1773), Louise Otto (1819), Betsy Perk (1833), Edward Bellamy (1850), A E Housman (1859), Robert Frost (1874), Duncan Hines (1880), Manes B Conant (1899), Joseph Campbell (1904), Betty MacDonald (1908), Tennessee Williams (1911), Sterling Hayden (1916), Bob Elliot (1923), Gregory Corso (1930), Leonard Nimoy (1931), Alan Arkin (1934), Nancy Pelosi (1940), Erica Jong (1942), Bob Woodward 91943), Diana Ross (1944), Steven Tyler (1948), Martin Short (1950), Marcus Allen (1960), and James T Kirk (2233). ~~My two sons were born on March 26^th, 17 years apart...because I was very slow to learn how to not celebrate Independence Day.

On March twenty-sixth the University of Utrecht opened (1636), Congress offered to remove Indians tribes east of the Mississippi (1804), Vulcan (a planet thought to orbit inside Mercury) was first sighted (1859), Stringberg's Bjalb-jarle-ti premiered (Stockholm, 1909), Shaw's Saint Joan premiered (London, (1924), Spinach growers dedicated a statue to Popeye (Texas, 1937), and The Young and the Restless premiered (1973).

Night Sky, 3/26: Now that spring is under way, Orion has taken up his early-spring posture in the southwest evenings. He's tipping westward, and his three-star Belt is turning horizontal. When does Orion's Belt appear exactly horizontal? That depends on where you live east-west in your time zone, and on your latitude. How well can you time this event? If you're near your time zone's standard longitude, expect it around 8:40 this evening (daylight-saving time). . . more or less. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Here is Ingenuity the helicopter that flies reconnaissance for Mar's Perseverance. ~I think it should be named Mosquito ~~~~A swatch of fabric from the Wright brothers' first airplane is on Mars. It's tucked abroad Ingenuity

This Week: Saturday, March 27 – Earth Hour Day & National Scribble Day & Passover begins

Sunday, March 28 – Weed Appreciation Day & Barnum & Bailey Day

Night Sky, 3/28 : March’s full moon reaches peak illumination at 2:50 pm EDT. Look for the spectacularly bright Moon as it rises above the horizon that evening

Monday, March 29 – Smoke and Mirrors Day & World Piano Day

Tuesday, March 30 – Pencil Day & World Bi-polar Day & International Laundry Folding Day

Wednesday, March 31 – Bunsen Burner Day & Cesar Chavez Day & National Crayon Day

Night Sky, 3/31: Mercury has sunk out of sight into the glow of sunrise. Venus is out of sight in conjunction with the sun. Neptune is hidden in the glare of the sun.

Thursday, April 1 – All Fools Day & Library Snapshot Day & Reading is Funny Day

What do you call it when you put kale, spinach, and romaine together? A spinage è trois. / Popeye visited France and fell in love with the cuisine, especially escargot. In fact he gave up spinach and became known as Popeye the Snailerman

..........Now I'm never, never, never gonna be the same........Aerosmith (Steven Tyler) …..Crazy

^^ The plan was voluntary and was considered a failure—some tribes participated, others refused.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

Moonbeam: A grudge will soon rot the pocket you carry it in. --Betty MacDonald

Late Night Snacks of the Week: Let’s be clear here: Covid is not over. All right? Some random dude can’t declare the end of the pandemic by dressing up like the Joker and making it rain. It’s not a thing. Only Dr Fauci can declare the end of the pandemic by dressing up like the Joker and making it rain. --Trevor Noah / Despite vaccines becoming more available, there’s still one thing holding Americans back: Americans...Not everything is political! How do we convince you that you want it? Would it feel safer if the vaccine was administered by an AR-15?” --Stephen Colbert / The Boulder shooting happened six days after a white man in Atlanta targeted Asian spas in Atlanta, killing eight amid a wave of anti-Asian violence, all while the pandemic continues and your top story is the president tripping on the stairs? Get your priorities straight. --Seth Meyers

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Rev Ollie is laying hands on a, hopefully appreciative, Max

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: People are already starting to receive their $1,400 stimulus checks, which is amazingly efficient. It was slow going at first. President Biden insisted on signing the checks himself, but he kept writing 1963 in the date line. Americans are going nuts. And they're, like, let's log onto Amazon. They're buying extravagant luxuries like half a month's rent and food. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 3/20/21

No one wants war. --James T Kirk

Led Zeppelin threw Popeye out of the band because he kept singing “Olive my love”. / A rabbit walks into a cake shop. He walks up to the counter and asks " Do you have a birthday cake with spinach?" "No, I'm sorry, we don't" says the store clerk. "Ok" says the rabbit and promptly bounces out of the store. The rabbit comes back a couple of times and asks the same question and gets the same answer so the store owner decides to make a spinach cake for the rabbit assuming his birthday is around the corner. The next day the rabbit comes in and asks: "do you have a birthday cake with spinach?" "Yes we do" replies the store owner. "That must be a really disgusting birthday cake" says the rabbit and leaves the store.

..........There's something wrong with the world today........Aerosmith (Steven Tyler) …..Livin' on the Edge

^^^ Before statehood, Kansas was part of the original “Indian Territory” west of the Mississippi River–envisioned as the permanent home for Indian tribes that were removed from the eastern United States.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: This beautiful weather has inspired me to stop sitting on the couch and go outside and sit on a bench. --Submitted by INRITH

Weird Word of the Week: Jaculation – the act of throwing or hurling something. It appeared about 1610, at almost exactly the same date as its close relative ejaculation. Both are from the Latin verb jaculari, to hurl. World Wide Words: Jaculation

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Protect artwork. When sprayed on a chalk drawing, Alberto VO5 Hair Spray acts as a fixative, preventing artwork from fading. Alberto VO5® Hair Spray: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: This challenge came from Joseph Young of St. Cloud, MN. I'm looking for the names of two companies. One of them has a two-part name (5,5). The other has a three-part name (5,7,5). The last five-letter part of the two names is the same. And the first five-letter part of the first company's name is something the second company wants. What are they? --NPR Sunday Puzzle 3/7/21

A man ordered a spinach omelette and asked his waitress if she had some hollandaise sauce to go along with his omelette, she said "I sure do, and I'll even bring it on our special chrome dishes." He was confused a bit, but he didn't say anything. A few minutes later he got his omelette and sure enough, it was on a dish made entirely out of chrome. The man was very curious. He noticed he was the only one in the diner who had a dish like that. He finished his omelette and when the waitress came by to leave the check he stopped her. "Excuse me Miss, but I've gotta ask you, why did you serve my omelette on a chrome dish?" "You ordered it with hollandaise sauce right?" "Yes" "Well silly, everyone knows there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise." / His death was a horrible accident. He ate 2 Popeye biscuits and then realized he had nothing to drink.

...........But I just couldn't tell her so, no, no,no........Aerosmith (Steven Tyler) …..Train Kept A Rollin'

^^^^ In the mid-1820s some southern and western states demanded that the national government take a larger role in Native American affairs. This process began in Georgia, where the governor and the state legislature tried to pressure Pres. John Quincy Adams to remove Creek and Cherokee populations from the state. By the fall of 1827, Illinois, Gov. Ninian Edwards had also begun calling on the Adams administration to remove the remaining Indians from his state.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Perks of being my friend. You'll be the normal one. --Submitted by INRITH

Science Fiction Joke of the Week: For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for nature cannot be fooled. --Richard P. Feynman

Actual Science Joke of the Week: The most exciting phrase to hear in science is not “Eureka!” but “That's funny...” --Isaac Asimov

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Oscar Mayer / Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer

A woman treated her dry hair with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave a smell, she washed her hair with shampoo several times. That night, in bed, she asked her husband, "Do I smell like Olive Oil?" Puzzled, he asked "Why? Do I smell like Popeye?" / These jokes are like spinach. They were forced on us when we were children.

..........Lovin' it up 'til I hit the ground........Aerosmith (Steven Tyler) …..Love In An Elevator

^^^^^ Andrew Jackson, who succeeded Adams as president in March 1829, already had a long history of challenging federal Indian policy—as both a general and a commissioner charged with negotiating land cessions. He believed strongly that it was in the interest of both Native Americans and whites that any eastern Indians who wanted to remain a member of a tribe and practice a native culture should move beyond the Mississippi.

Recreating Famous Painting With Anything You Can Find of the Week:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Experts: Your children will model the behavior they see. Me: Really? “Cuz my kids have seen me fold laundry. They don't fold laundry. --Submitted by #RHOZ

Today's Peace of History, March 26, 1979: In a ceremony at the White House, Egyptian President Anwar el-Sadat and Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin signed a peace agreement they had worked out with the assistance of President Jimmy Carter at Camp David.

I get a lot of solicitors at my house, salespeople, charity seekers, Jehovah's Witnesses, I've seen them all. But today I got someone at my door asking if I eat enough vegetables. I wasn't expecting some sort of spinach inquisition! / Popeye's favorite breakfast is egg-egg-egg-egg-egg-egg-egg-egg-egg

..........Like throwin' away an old toy........Aerosmith (Steven Tyler) …..Rag Doll

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle March 26, 2021, ePistle Florentine. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Quote of the Week: I like taxes. With them, I purchase civilization. --Oliver Wendell Holmes

Moonbeam: I learned that a stiff test for friendship is: “Would she be pleasant to have t.b. with?” --Betty MacDonald

Cost of War: As of 3/25/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,115,795,906,911.

As of 3/18/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,113,855,640,518.

As of 3/25/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,026,841,818,315.

As of 3/18/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,025,523,113,680.

As of 3/25/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $840,543,920,221.

As of 3/18/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $838,886,101,617.

As of 3/25/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $346,669,052,117.

As of 3/18/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $346,292,276,475.

As of 3/25/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,329,851,360,335.

As of 3/18/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,324,557,868,926.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Caring for each other, being happy with each other, being good to each other. That's what we call love. --James T Kirk

Famous Last Words: ...to be paid out of any money in the treasury, not otherwise appropriated. Indian Removal Act, 1830

..........Can't say I'll be back soon........Aerosmith (Steven Tyler) …..Seasons of Wither

At the end of the poetry slam, Popeye said, “I've had all I can stanza and can't stanza no more. / People always ask me what’s the best pastry. I tell them it’s quiche but with a special ingredient and it’s best at a certain time of the year but they never believe me. No one expects the Spinach in Quiche Season

May Peace make you strong

And Joy make you fresh

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

bLoomin' ePistle

 Famous First Words: The following words... Charter of the City of Boston, MA

It is the day before the Spring Equinox. It is the Festival of the Goddess of Fertility. You know you're struggling with infertility when the phrase “Hey sweetie, I'm ovulating” becomes foreplay.

Now listen to the words of the Great Star Mother,
In days long past called by one name or tuther,

tune of the Beverly Hillbillies Theme

..........I was down in the valley where the shadows are long.........Jefferson Starship …..Harp Tree Lament Today's songs are from the playlist of their first tour

Make peace, create peace, be the example of peace. We need peace in the world. --Pope Francis

It is a crisp (32°F) Friday morning. The sky is blue, the sun is abundant, and there is very little breeze to blow such bliss away. The world is greening. Lawns are looking like lawns. The thin willow branches are bursting with new leaves and hiding the stately evergreen. Only the old staid trees are still without hint of foliage. A streak of blue flashes across the scene and a jay lands briefly on the fence before darting off the morning's chores. No other birds are in sight and no bird sounds can be heard...only distant motors racing off to work and a lone dog arguing...probably with squirrels. As the freeze warms off, the smell of damp soil and new growth fills the air with hope and newness. But I hustle Puck back inside and close the door against the chill so I can sip nearly hot decaf – sweetened and creamed – and think about you.

Hope the weekend multiplies your fun, ePistlers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The real losers of the Harry and Meghan drama is the people of Sussex, who, left leaderless without their Duke, are now defenseless against incursions from Hampshire and Kent.

In Vito Fertilization: taking the fun out of procreation since 1978.

"I am your Mammy, Queen of Earth, Air, Fire, Sea,
So you better quit your yappin' an' listen to me."

..........You must try some of my purple berries.........Jefferson Starship …..Wooden Ships

Trivia Questions: Happy World Sleep Day

^ Any idea how the full moon affects our sleep patterns?

^^ About how long should it take you to fall asleep?

^^^ What breed of dog can also experience sleep apnea?

^^^^ What percentage of us dream in color?

^^^^^ Is there a relationship between appetite and sleep and if so, what is it?

Big Hello: Guuten takh – Cimbrian (northern Italy) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I was feeling mopey, until I remembered that I have a degree in English...Now I'm feeling forlorn. --Submitted by cmr of ks

Max Picture of the Week: Frogman Max in The Hunt For Green Kermit

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: A decade later 99% of librarians will still feel guilty about a reference question where they gave out incorrect information https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

How do I want my eggs? Fertilized, please.

(Isis that is, Astarte, Cerridwen)

..........It will be black and white in the dead of night.........Jefferson Starship …..Ride The Tiger

Moonbeam: No one can earn a million dollars honestly. --William Jennings Bryan

Meditation Seed of the Week: What are you pretending not to know?

Observation of the Week: To those who still wear their mask below the nose, it's been almost a year now; it takes less time to potty train a toddler. --Submitted by ss of mo

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Spaniards harvested crystals and sent them by ship back to Europe. And that's when we first determined how many quartz are in a galleon. --Submitted by HPF

Week of the Week: National Fix a Leak Week (15-210 --Here's the Beatles singing Fixing A Hole

Spent thousands on birth control over the years only to find out my uterus is childproof anyway.

"Now y'all listen up, 'cause I'd hate to be a bitch,
When we have our shindigs t'aint none should wear a stitch.

..........He only has the moves of a knight.........Jefferson Starship …..Devil's Den

^ Research shows that in the days leading up to a full moon, people go to bed later and sleep less, although the reasons are unclear.

Almanac: It is Friday, March 19, 2021. The moon will be first quarter on Sunday and is in Gemini. It is National Certified Nurses Day, National Chocolate Caramel Day, National Day of Action Against Bullying and Violence, National Farm Rescuer Day, National Poultry Day, Operation Iraqi Freedom Day, and Swallows Return to San Juan Capistrano Day. Because it is the Friday of the second full week it is World Sleep Day, Further because it is the Day before the Spring Equinox it is also Goddess of Fertility Day.

Among those born on this day were William Bradford (1589), Alonza Cano (1501), Aleksei Romanov (1629), Thomas McKean (1734), David Livingstone (1813), Richard Burton (1821), William Allingham (1821), Wyatt Earp (1848), William Jennings Bryan (1860), Joseph Haas (1879), Earl Warren (1891), Moms Mabley (1894), John J K Sirica (1904), Adolf Eichmann (1906), Irving Wallace (1916), Philip Roth (1933), Ursula Andress (1936), Lynda Bird Johnson Robb (1944), Glenn Close (1947), and Walter Bruce Willis (1955).

On March nineteenth the first lunar eclipse was recorded (Babylon, 721 BCE), the Peace of Amboise was signed (1563), Massachusetts colony was founded (1628), Haydn's Die Schöpfung premiered (Vienna, 1799), Boston, MA was incorporated (1822), Pluto was first photographed (1915), the 8-Hour work week was upheld by the Supreme Court (1917), Congress established time zones and approved daylight savings time (1918), the US Senate refused to ratify the Treaty of Versailles because of the League of Nations clause (1920), Nevada legalized gambling (1931), the Thoroughbred Racing Association was formed (1942), the Atomic Energy museum opened (Oak Ridge, TN, 1949), Wouk's Caine Mutiny was published (1951), William's Camino Real premiered (1953), the Chicago 8 were indicted (1969), the Jefferson Starship nee Airplane began their first tour (1974), 40,000 demonstrated against the neutron bomb (Amsterdam, 1978), and the KC Royals put Bo Jackson on waivers (1991).

Night Sky, 3/19: Pollux and Castor in Gemini pass nearly overhead around 7 pm this week if you live in the world's mid-northern latitudes. They go smack overhead as seen from near latitude 30° N: Austin, Houston, the US Gulf Coast, northernmost Africa, Tibet, Shanghai. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Deb Haaland became the first native American Secretary of the Interior and in fact the first ever in the cabinet.

This Week: Saturday, March 20 – Spring Equinox & International Day of Happiness & Great American MeatOut Day

Night Sky, 3/20: Earth crosses the March equinox point on its orbit at 5:37 am EDT. This is when the Sun crosses the equator (both Earth's equator and, equivalently, the celestial equator), heading north. Spring begins in the Northern Hemisphere, fall in the Southern Hemisphere. And no, eggs don't balance today any better than they usually do, in case someone tries to tell you that.

Sunday, March 21 – International Colour Day & Memory Day & National Fragrance Day

Night Sky, 3/21 : Now the Moon shines between the horn tips of Taurus, Beta and Zeta Tauri. These two stars form a long rectangle with Mars and Aldebaran: a temporary asterism special to mid-March 2021.

Monday, March 22 – International Day of the Seal & National Goof-Off Day & Talk Like William Shatner Day

Tuesday, March 23 – National Puppy Day & OK Day & World Meteorological Day

Wednesday, March 24 – National Equal Pay Day & World Tuberculosis Day

Thursday, March 25 – Tolkien Reading Day & Pecan Day

Is there fertility therapy for seedless watermelons?

Y'all will eat an' drink an' dance an' love, to show that you're free,
'Cause all acts of pleasure are sacred to me."

..........A hot stop and real fine sugar.........Jefferson Starship …..Better Lying Down

^^ If it takes you less than five minutes to fall asleep at night, you’re probably sleep-deprived. Ideally, falling asleep should take 10 to 15 minutes.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The legendary cellist Pablo Casals was asked why he continued to practice at age 90. “Because I think I'm making progress,” he replied.

Moonbeam: I think my father felt very strongly that when there was bigotry anywhere, prejudice anywhere, all of us lose out. --Lynda Bird Johnson Robb

Late Night Snacks of the Week: “It is interesting who gets to be ‘American citizens who came to their own conclusions’ and who gets to be ‘criminal mobs who destroy what the rest of us have built'. It does seem like the dividing line for Tucker Carlson on that question is ‘how easily can you sunburn?’ --John Oliver / These accusations are some serious shit. From bullying to a Mad Men office culture that encouraged women to wear dresses and heels, it “sounds like Cuomo basically thought of himself as a bouncer outside a nightclub. Which is convenient for him, because that might be his job in a couple months. --Trevor Noah / Can we now agree that the term ‘cancel culture’ is now officially meaningless? Andrew Cuomo is using the same line as the people who spent the last three weeks getting mad about the Muppets, Mr Potato Head, and Looney Tunes. --Seth Meyers / Which is it? Is Trump not getting the credit he deserves for manufacturing the vaccine? Or is this how Bill Gates controls our minds? --Jimmy Kimmel / It doesn’t have to be one thing on its own – America is a rich tapestry of mass shooting motivations. --Stephen Colbert

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie, the real boss, driving his smiling Little Tykes Pink Cadillac

Not So Late Night Snack of the Week: From the blockbuster Meghan and Harry interview with Oprah this week. As you heard, Prince William said, of course, the royal family isn't racist. No, they judge people on the content of their character and their bloodline going back at least 10 generations. The American Kennel Club is less concerned with breeding than these people. This is true. I don't know if you know this. Shortly after the interview, the royal family's Instagram feed started featuring pictures of Prince Charles with people of color. That's true. Of course...They didn't really have any of those ready to go, so they just posted the negatives of the pictures they already had. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 3/13/21

Many powerful people don't want peace because they live off war. --Pope Francis

Clomid, the gateway drug. Next thing you know … you're poppin' Estace and shootin' up Progesterone.

(Skyclad that is, Great Rite, Cakes an' Wine)

..........Circles in the ring of fire, where do you go.........Jefferson Starship …..Hyperdrive

^^^ English bulldogs are the only canines known to experience sleep apnea, a breathing disorder. Their unusual airway anatomy (short snouts and underbites) is likely the reason.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Nothing is impossible. I disagree. I'm doing nothing right now and it's totally possible. --Submitted by INRITH

Weird Word of the Week: Infandous – unspeakable or too odious to be expressed or mentioned. From the Old English World Wide Words: Infandous

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Immobilize flying insects. Spray Alberto VO5 Hair Spray on the flying insect to stiffen its wings, bringing the pest spiraling to the ground. ~~I'm sorry – wacky uses aren't generally gory. You would also have hairspray floating around on the air. Ick. Alberto VO5® Hair Spray: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: Last week's challenge comes from listener Mark Scott, of Seattle. Think of a country with a one-word name. You can rearrange its letters to identify a member of one of our country's armed forces. Who is that, and what's the country? National Public Radio Sunday Puzzle 3/14/21

Want to see something really scary? Give me 10 straight days of hormone injections and then tell me we're out of chocolate. – https://www.attainfertility.com

"If you wanna know my secrets, then look in your own hide,
'Cause if what you seek ain't there, well, it won't be found outside.

...........Moon rise above the Rio Grande.........Jefferson Starship …..All Fly Away

^^^^ Today, 75% of us dream in color. Before color television, just 15% of us did. ~~There are as many opinions about this as there are colors in a 64 crayon box.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A saint is a dead liberal who is worshiped by living conservatives.

Science Fiction Joke of the Week: How many Klingons does it take to change a light bulb? A) Just one. A Klingon would never display such dishonor by allowing someone else to help them with such a remedial task. B) Two. One to change it, and the other to shoot 'em and take the credit.

Great Question of the Week: Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of Worcestershire Sauce? --Submitted by ss of mo

Actual Science Joke of the Week: 300,000,000,000 photons can hit you per second and you don't even flinch, because they are so light. / I bought a book about photons the other day for a bit of light reading.

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Suriname -> U.S. Marine OR Myanmar -> Army man OR Armenia -> A marine

How would you like your eggs, Inseminated, frozen, or sunny side up.

The greatest Mysteries t'aint really dread nor dire,
I'm with you at the start, and at the end of desire."

..........Got a revolution. Got a revolution.........Jefferson Starship …..Volunteers

^^^^^ Going without sleep is likely to make you hungry as levels of leptin, an appetite-regulating hormone, fall.

Quote of the Week: There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are. --Somerset Maugham --Submitted by dr of oh

Recreating Famous Paintings With Anything You Can Find of the Week:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: McConnell threatens to grind senate to halt if dems don't let him keep grinding senate to halt. --Submitted by rk of ks

Today's Peace of History, June 19, 1990: The first world ice hockey tournament for women was held in Ottawa. Switzerland won it.

What is the fetal position of a test tube baby?

(That's right, listen to your heart. Y'all will come back now, y'hear?)

..........When the truth is found to be lies.........Jefferson Starship …..Somebody to Love

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle March 19, 2021, Blooming ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: If it is a mistake of the head and not the heart don't worry about it, that's the way we learn. --Earl Warrren

Cost of War:

As of 3/18/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,113,855,640,518.

As of 3/11/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,111,845,228,391.

As of 3/18/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,025,523,113,680.

As of 3/11/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,024,157,029,601.

As of 3/18/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $838,886,101,617.

As of 3/11/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $837,158,950,932.

As of 3/18/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $346,292,276,475.

As of 3/11/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $345,902,054,114.

As of 3/18/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,324,557,868,926.

As of 3/11/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,319,074,147,132.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Peace is the language we must speak. --Pope Francis

Famous Last Words: ...er bleibt in Ewigkeit. Amen -Haydn's Die Schöpfung (It will stay forever. Amen)

..........Think of the times you have sat by yourself and wondered.........Jefferson Starship …..That's for Sure

You know you're struggling with infertility when your phone auto-corrects “I've” to IVF.

May your Peace blossom

And your Joy multiply

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Gone ePistle

 Famous First Words: I've been to the zoo. Edward Albee Zoo Story

Kerouac would have turned 99 today. -- Money means nothing to him. On the other hand, he doesn't mean anything to money either. / We're all bozos on the bus, so might as well sit back. --Wavy Gravy

..........I'm handy with love and I'm no fool..........James Taylor …..Handy Man

There's no problem on the planet that can't be solved without violence. That's the lesson of the civil rights movement. --Andrew Young

It is a gray Friday morning. The sky is kind of no color and shows no texture or variation in the cloud cover. Wind comes in gusts so that one moment the willow branches are hanging still and are camouflaged among the other tree trunks and then without warning they are dancing wildly with the evergreen beside them. Birds dart in and out of trees and yards and piles of leaves building nests and enjoying the 48°F temperature. But the grass is not yet green and there are no flowers blooming in my line of sight. So the grayness of the morning is not oppressive but joyful like a spring morning should be. The chattering of a chattering of starlings can be heard but not seen adding a slightly spooky element to the day. It does smell like a rain that has not yet arrived. A single squirrel makes its way across the utility wires onto the bare limbs of the tree of unknown species to the evergreen hanging on while it dips and bends with the weight. And I sip my steamy coffee and watch the drama from my window as I type. laissez le bon temps rouler !

Hope your weekend makes the scene, daddy-0.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila mockingbird --Submitted by msh of bc

I don't care how much you denounce conformity – something beautiful went out of our life when you quit working steady. I think it's called cash. / I'd rather be a lightning rod than a seismograph. --Ken Kesey

..........I want to stop and thank you, baby..........James Taylor …..How Sweet It Is

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday, Girl Scouts !

^ Who was the founder of the Girl Scouts?

^^ Any idea where they first assembled?

^^^ More or less, how many girls scouts are there today?

^^^^ What do you think they mean by worldwide?

^^^^^ Know about when they start selling cookies?

Big Hello: Canam – Chuvash (Russia) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I am forever disappointed that chef Bobby Flay didn't name his daughter Sue. --Submitted by INRITH

Max Picture of the Week: Dr Max and a patient patient

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 49% of library science is saying, “I don't know, but I can find out.” https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Gee, it's such a nice day out, Oswald, why don't you sit right down and write something despondent. / All of life is a foreign country. --Jack Kerouac

..........Well, I'm a demolition derby, yeah..........James Taylor …..Steamroller

Moonbeam: I left Earth three times and found no other place to go... Wally Schirra

Meditation Seed of the Week: What does it mean to live a good life?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Pregnancy Q&A Should I have a baby after 35? No, 35 children is enough. --Submitted by FNOG

Week of the Week: Celebrate Your Name Week (7-13) –Consider the characters in Catch-22: Major Major Major – who held the rank of Major / Lieutenant Colonel Korn / Milo Minderbinder / and Lieutenant Scheisskopf (German for shit head). If you have to go real world...Dweezil and Moon Unit Zappa

The beatnik burnt his tongue drinking espresso before it was cool. / Avoid the world, it's just a lot of dust and drag and means nothing in the end. --Jack Kerouac

..........On the roof, it's peaceful as can be..........James Taylor …..You've Got A Friend

^ Juliette Gordon Low was 51 years old and nearly deaf when she sparked a worldwide movement inspiring girls.

Almanac: It is Friday, March 12, 2021. The moon will be new tomorrow and is in Pisces. It is Girl Scout Birthday Day. Because it is the Friday of First Full Week in March it is also Middle Name Pride Day.**

**Christine is my middle name. My first name is Mary. When I was about 2 years old I found out that I had a middle name and that it was Christine and, according to legend, I thought it was the most beautiful name in the world. So I changed my name to Christine (my aunt Bobby called me Mary till the day she died). It worked quite well until I went to first grade and there was another Christine so I went back to Mary until 7^th grade when another Mary joined our class. (It was a rural school; we went to 8 elementary grades and 4 high school years.) So I went back to Christine and have stayed there ever since. I have only one friend that I allow to call me Chrissy.

Among those born on this day were Thomas Arne (1710), Pierre J Davdi (David d'Angers, 1788), Clement Studebaker (1831), Jane Delano (1862), Vaslav Nijinsky (1890), Gordon MacRae (1921), Jack Kerouac (1922), Walter Schirra. Jr (1923), Edward Albee (1928), Andrew Young (1932), Elizabeth Vaughan (1937), Millie Perkins (1938), Liza Minnelli (`1946), James Taylor (1948), Darryl Strawberry (1962), John Andretti (1963), and Rex Walters (1970).

On March twelfth the University of Vienna was founded (1365), Tasman reached New Zealand (1642), the American colonies enacted the first naturalization laws (1664), New Jersey became a British colony (1664), the US Post Office was established (1789), the Second French Republic was established (1799), Verdi's Simon Boccanegra premiered (1857), the last French troops left Mexico (1967), the first US state college was established (Mississippi, 1884), Denmark began unilateral disarmament (1926), and the Dow-Jones closed above 500 for the first time (1956).

Night Sky, 3/12: Spot Arcturus, the Spring Star, very low in the east-northeast after night fall and higher in the east later in the evening. By modern measurements Arcturus is of visual magnitude –0.05, making it the fourth-brightest nighttime star. It's bested only by Sirius, Canopus, and Alpha Centauri (counting the combined light of Alpha Cen A and B; they appear as one to the unaided eye). For northerners who can never see Canopus or Alpha Cen, Arcturus is bested by Sirius alone. However, Vega and Capella are very close on its heels. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Artist Florian Mehnert designed “social distance stacks” for the Stuttgart Ballet.

This Week: Saturday, March 13 – Genealogy Day & L Ron Hubbard Day & Smart and Sexy Day

Sunday, March 14 – Potato Chip Day & Pi Day & Save A Spider Day & Write Your Story Day

Daylight Savings Time begins at 2 am – Spring ahead one hour

Night Sky, 3/14 : The Big Dipper glitters softly high in the northeast these evenings, standing on its handle. You probably know that the two stars forming the front of the Dipper's bowl (currently on top) are the Pointers; they point to Polaris, currently to their left or lower left. And, you may know that if you follow the curve of the Dipper's handle out and around by a little more than a Dipper length, you'll arc to Arcturus, now rising in the east

Monday, March 15 – Beware the Ides of March

Tuesday, March 16 – Campfire Girls Day & Black Press Day & Goddard Day & Panda Day

Wednesday, March 17 – Small Business Development Day & St Patrick's Day

Night Sky, 3/17: Mars (magnitude +1.0, in Taurus) passes the Pleiades early this week. Left of Mars shines Aldebaran, essentially the twin of Mars in brightness now and very nearly so in color. Their separation shrinks from 11° to 9° this week. They'll be passing 7° apart at the turn of spring on March 20th..

Thursday, March 18 – Awkward Moments Day & National Biodiesel Day

If a tree falls in the wood and nobody's around to hear it, a beatnik would buy the soundtrack. / Madness is a confusion of levels of fact. --William Burroughs

..........Your way and my way seem to be one and the same..........James Taylor …..Country Road

^^ Juliette, affectionately known as Daisy, gathered 18 girls in her hometown of Savannah, Georgia, to share what she had learned abroad about a new outdoor and educational program for youth, and with this, the Girl Scout Movement was born.

Lost Count of the Funniest Things I Read of the Week: Waiting for the day Walmart puts a bar in their stores. That'll take people watching to a whole new level. --Submitted by INRITH

Moonbeam: Nursing is not alone caring for the sick, the prevention of infection often constitutes as important a duty as the actual care of the patient. --Jane Delano

Late Night Snacks of the Week: The president’s dogs have been sent back to the family home in Delaware after one of them bit a member of staff in the White House. Under the last administration, that kind of behaviour would have made you press secretary. --Seth Meyers / Piers Morgan is such a baby someone at Buckingham Palace just asked what colour he’s going to be. --Stephen Colbert / No Republicans voted for the bill in either the House or the Senate, even though more than 70% of Americans support it. The only other bill 70% of Americans support is Murray. --Jimmy Kimmel / Economists generally agree that unemployment insurance is one of the most effective policies to aid recovery. Which does make sense because when you give the unemployed money, they tend not to hoard it offshore in the Caymans; they spend it on shit they need. --John Oliver

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: The patient patient says, No, No, in my mouth

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Vaccine production is up. More Americans are getting the shot every day. Nothing can stop America's path to recovery. Wait. Texas, what are you doing? No. No. Governor Greg Abbott of Texas announced on Tuesday that he was lifting all mask requirements. He's going to allow all businesses to open. And just for good measure, he's requiring all residents to greet each other with something called the Fort Worth face lick. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 3/6/21

Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it. --Andrew Young

A beatnik decided to take up Zen. He asked the master how long it might take to reach enlightenment and was told ten year. “What if I work real hard”, he asked. “Twenty years” / Americans should know the universe itself as a road, as many roads, as roads for traveling souls. --Walt Whitman

..........It doesn't much matter why.........James Taylor …..Sunny Skies

^^^ The small gathering of girls Low hosted over a century ago has grown into a global movement that today includes 2.6 million Girl Scouts

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Instead of calling them “anti-vaxxers” we should call them plague enthusiasts. --submitted by sk of ks

Weird Word of the Week: Hebetude – dullness or lethargy. World Wide Words: Hebetude

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Protect your dog or cat's paw pads. Rub in a little Alberto VO5 Conditioning Hairdressing before sending our pets outdoors. Alberto VO5®: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: This challenge came from listener Andrew Chaikin of San Francisco. Think of a famous philosopher — first and last names. Change one letter in the first name to get a popular dish. Drop two letters from the last name and rearrange the result to get the kind of cuisine of this dish. What is it? Public Radio Sunday Puzzle 3/7/21

His real ambition is to become the first man in history to write a folk song under water with a ballpoint pen. / constipation of the brain and diarrhea of the mouth. --Jack Kerouac

...........It does you no good to pretend, child..........James Taylor …..Rainy Day Man

^^^^ There are girl scout organizations in 92 countries.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: What do you mean you forgot where you parked? You're shopping online.

Science Fiction Joke of the Week: We've successfully visited a parallel universe but had to return prematurely because we couldn't find a place to park.

Actual Science Joke of the Week: NASA tweet: I'm safe on Mars. Perseverance will get you anywhere. / Sure it's all fun and games now, but you won't be so happy when Mars returns the favor.

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Friedrich Nietzsche – Fried rice, Chinese

A real gone chick wanted to break up with her jazz playing boyfriend but he sax was too good. / I forgave everybody, I gave up, I got drunk. --Jack Kerouac

..........Maybe the friend of a friend of a friend..........James Taylor …..Her Town Too

^^^^^ The sale of cookies as a way to finance troop activities began as early as 1917, five years after Juliette Gordon Low started Girl Scouts in the United States, when the Mistletoe Troop in Muskogee, Oklahoma, baked cookies and sold them in its high school cafeteria as a service project.

Something Good About 2020 of the Week: There was positive news when it came to HIV and Aids New diagnoses of HIV among gay and bisexual men in England have dropped to their lowest level in 20 years, according to a Public Health England update in November. A PHE report revealed that overall, across all genders and sexualities, the number of people with a new HIV diagnosis dropped by 10 per cent, from 4,580 cases in 2018 to 4,139 in 2019.

Recreating Art With Anything You Can Find of the Week:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes. I turned to a local and said, “That lizard's really funny”. The man replied, “That's not a lizard, he's a stand up chameleon.--Submitted by FNOG

Today's Peace of History, March 12, 1912: Workers led by the Industrial Workers of the World (IWW) won the Lawrence, Massachusetts, "Bread & Roses" textile strike after 32,000 workers (mostly young female immigrants who spoke 25 different languages, half between the ages of 14 and 18) stayed out for nine weeks.

A beatnik goes into a diner and asks for a slice of apple pie. The waitress says, “Sorry, the apple pie is gone”. The beatnik says, “I dig it, give me two slices.” / Exterminate all rational thought. --William Burroughs

..........I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end..........James Taylor …..Fire And Rain

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle March 12, 2021, the gone epistle. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ . 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: The only source of my power are the pages you hold and the words written thereon. As you read them, I hope the magic starts to work between my words and your imagination. ― Elizabeth Vaughan

Cost of War:

As of 3/11/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,111,845,228,391.

As of 3/4/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,109,860,942,569.

As of 3/11/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,024,157,029,601.

As of 3/4/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,022,808,469,241.

As of 3/11/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $837,158,950,932.

As of 3/4/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $835,473,590,062.

As of 3/11/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $345,902,054,114.

As of 3/4/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $345,516,753,416.

As of 3/11/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,319,074,147,132.

As of 3/4/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,313,660,985,261.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Freedom is a struggle, and we do it together. Not only together as black citizens, but black and white together. --Andrew Young

Famous Last Words: I think of Dean Moriarty. --Jack Kerouac On the Road

..........Goodnight you moonlight ladies.........James Taylor …..Sweet Baby James

The hitchhiker was concerned that the beatnik's car was old and might not make it through North Dakota. But the driver said not to worry, he had Triple Eh. / If you're too open-minded your brains will fall out. --Lawrence Ferlinghetti

May Peace play your melody

And Joy keep the tempo

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: