ePistle eNigma

 Famous First Words: If poverty be a title to poetry... John Gay Beggar's Opera

It's National Puzzle Day. Thanks to our mutual dislike of newspaper puzzles, my partner and I have enjoyed 30 long happy years with nary a crossword. / My family is worried that I'm addicted to dot to dot puzzles. I'm OK though; I know where to draw the line.

..........There's a bright golden haze on the meadow..........John Raitt (Curly) …..Oh, What a Beautiful Morning

There is no future for a people who deny their past. --Adam Clayton Powell Jr

It is a sunny Friday morning. The sky is free of clouds and a light breeze switches around the willow branches and accents the 35°F temperature. Bruno is walking his perimeter and keeping an eye on a workman who is going in and out from the truck to the house and back. In my room the sounds are humming computer and clicking keys. My temperature is 97.5 (I take it twice a day now) and some invisible bird with a squeaky song has come to sing a welcome to the morning. I doctor a cup of holiday cheer decaf and the bird is gone by the time I get back to the window. But I get to sip the steamy, creamy coffee with a hint of cinnamon and something else I can't identify. It warms my nose and wakes up my tongue. Wow. And KU actually won last night. Cool. This is a fine way to start a fine morning.

Hope your weekend answers all your questions, ePistliers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you cannot be positive then at least be quiet. --Submitted by HPF

The inventor of the Word Jumble puzzle died this week. They're still trying to figure out his will. / Puzzler pick up lines: You are the piece that completes my puzzle?

..........There's no red carpet at your feet..........John Raitt (Sid) ….A New Town Is A Blue Town

Trivia Questions: Neptune is likely millions of years old, however, Earthlings have only known about it for 408 years. How much have we learned about that planet.

^ What is Neptune's place in planetary closeness to the sun?

^^ Compared to earth, how big is Neptune.

^^^ How much do you know about Neptune's atmosphere?

^^^^ How many moons does Neptune have?

^^^^^ Any idea which if any spacecraft have flown by Neptune?

Big Hello: Osiyo (ᎣᏏᏲ) - Cherokee https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The key to happiness is low expectations. Lower. Nope, even lower. There you go. --Submitted by INRITH

Max Picture of the Week: Max singing a lullaby to Biscuit.

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 90% of librarians use the villains from their favorite books to give nicknames to people they don't like https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

A complete breakfast is bacon and eggs with a finished puzzle. / My friend is losing her mind over one missing piece of a 5,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. I don't know why; I'm missing 4,999 pieces.

..........He had a heart of gold and he wasn't very old...........John Raitt (Curly) ….Pore Jud Is Daid

Moonbeam: Security is a denial of life. --Germaine Greer

Meditation of the Week: Release: “Your dog is well trained and can be unleashed. . . . Let go of all effort and allow the mind to just be.” How to Bring Humor to Meditation (berkeley.edu)

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Antarctica: I am the coldest place on earth. Kansas: Hold my beer. --Submitted by #RHOZ

Something Good About 2020 of the Week: The hole in the ozone layer over Antarctica closed.

My uncle worked for a newspaper's crossword puzzle team, but only contributed one awesome clue in his career; you could say it was a one hint wonder. / He was so rude he called the bag of pork chops a Peppa Pig Jigsaw Puzzle.

..........The dashboard's genuine leather..........John Raitt (Curly) ….Surrey With The Fringe On Top

^ Neptune is the 8^th and most distant in our solar system. ~~Because they demoted out Pluto.

Almanac: It is Friday, January 29, 2021. The moon was full (wolf) yesterday and is in Leo. It is Curmudgeons Day, Fun at Work Day, Freethinkers Day, National Preschool Fitness Day, National Puzzle Day, and Thomas Paine Day. In Kansas it is Kansas Admission.

Among those born on this day were Daniel Bernoulli (1700), Carlmann Kolb (1703), Giuseppe Bonno (1711), Thomas Paine (1737), Vasili A Zjukovski (1783), Earnest E Kummer (1810), Ebenezer Howard (1850), Anton Chekhov (1860), Vicente Blasco Ibanez (1867), John D. Rockefeller, Jr. (1874), W. C. Fields (William Claude Dukenfield, 1880), Marguerite Canal (1890), Adam Clayton Powell (1908), Prof. Irwin Corey (1912), Halfdan Rasmussen (1915), John Raitt (1917), Paddy Chayevsky (1923), Bobby Scott (1937), Germaine Greer (1939), Katherine Ross (1942), Tom Selleck (1945), Oprah Winfrey (1954), Irlene Mandrell (1957), Paul McGann (1959), and Sara Gilbert (1975).

On January twenty-ninth Galileo observed Neptune but failed to recognize what he saw (1613), Beggar's Opera premiered (1728), The Raven was first published (1845), Kansas became the 34th state (1861), Benz patented the gasoline fueled car (1886), the ice cream cone rolling machine was patented (1924), the first Baseball Hall of Fame inductees were elected (1936), All My Sons premiered (1947), Paul Newman married Joanne Woodward (1958), Nauru (Pleasant Island) adopted its constitution (1968), and Emerson, Lake & Palmer disbanded (1979).

Night Sky, 1/29: The Moon, a day past full, rises in late twilight. Once it's well up, look for Regulus 4° or 5° to its lower right, and Algieba, slightly fainter, a similar distance to the Moon's left or lower left. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week:

This Week: Saturday, January 30 – Fancy Rat & Mouse Day & Fruitcake Toss Day & National Seed Swap Day

Sunday, January 31 – Inspire Your Heart With Art Day & Street Children Day

Night Sky, 1/31: Once it's fully dark, spot the equilateral Winter Triangle in the southeast. Sirius is its brightest and lowest star. Betelgeuse stands above Sirius by about two fists at arm's length. To the left of their midpoint is Procyon.

Monday, February 1 – Candy Making Day & National Get Up Day & Freedom Day

Tuesday, February 2 – Groundhog Day & Imbolc & Candlemas & Marmot Day

Wednesday, February 3 – Feed the Birds Day & National Girls and Women in Sports Day

Night Sky, 2/3: Mercury is having an excellent apparition in evening twilight. Mercury is often called "elusive," but this week it's easy. Look for it low in the west-southwest about 40 or 50 minutes after sunset. In addition to being nearly as high as it ever gets in twilight, Mercury is also brighter than usual, about magnitude –0.5 all week.

Thursday, February 4 – National Hemp Day & Quacker Day & USO Day

So sad to hear about the death of the man who invented the jigsaw puzzle. May he rest in pieces. / I bought a mystery novel about a jigsaw puzzler. I'm still trying to piece it together.

..........I'm entitled to a hell of a show..........John Raitt (Billy) …..The Highest Judge Of All

^^ Neptune is about 4 times wider than earth. If earth were a large apple, Neptune would be a basketball.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: President Biden better start insulting Ted Cruz's entire family right now or he's never going to win him over. --Polar John --Submitted by gr of oh

Moonbeam: A library is a place where you can lose your innocence without losing your virginity. --Germaine Greer

Late Night Snacks of the Week: Today we were reality-boarded --Stephen Colbert / Feels good to only have to worry about a deadly pandemic -- Jimmy Kimmel / For the next two years, we can confirm liberal judges and pass legislation that doesn’t suck. --Samatha Bee / Biden’s like the grandpa who sits quietly in the recliner all day reading the newspaper but then when it gets too cold, you have to ask him to chop the firewood because no one else knows how. --Seth Meyers / All Biden has to do is have a vaccine plan and not lie for ten minutes, and he's basically the next George Washington. --Trevor Noah

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ziggy singing a lullaby to Ollie

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Peloton bikes are, of course, linked via the Internet so that users can enjoy virtual classes and even competition with other douchebags all over the world. And some worry that if President Biden brings his Peloton to the White House, hackers could use it to get into the White House system. It seems, though, that the best security is just to leave it be. Some Russian hacks in and is confronted with a sweaty 78-year-old torso wearing a sleeveless kiss me, I'm Irish T-shirt. Nyet. Nyet. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 1/23/21

We have produced a world of contented bodies and discontented minds. --Adam Clayton Powell, Jr

How am I; well, better than a crossword. I'm not 6 down and 3 across. / I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces; and when you finish it, it says “GO OUTSIDE”.

..........You on that high flying cloud..........John Raitt (Sid) …Hey There

^^^ Neptune's atmosphere is made up mostly of molecular hydrogen, atomic helium, and methane.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There's no “WE” in fries. --Submitted by INRITH

Weird Word of the Week: Banglored – lost a job with a multinational because it moved the job to India. World Wide Words: Bangalored

Worthless Fact of the Week: At the inauguration and in all the pictures of all those women (Kamala, Hiliary, Jill, Laura, Michelle) none of them were carrying a purse.

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Prevent static electricity in your hair. Comb a dab of Alberto VO5 Conditioning Hairdressing through your hair. Alberto VO5®: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: This challenge came from listener Michael Shteyman of Freeland, MD. Name a person in 2011 world news in eight letters. Remove the third, fourth, and fifth letters. The remaining letters, in order, will name a person in 2021 world news. What names are these? --NPR Puzzle Sunday 1/17/21 Answer below

How many pieces does it take to solve an anime puzzle? One piece or Over 9000. Only a few people will understand it xD / I know this kid with Asperger. When you give him a Rubik's cube it takes him like 12 seconds to say “Thank you”

...........For many an' many a long long day..........John Raitt (Billy) …..Blow High, Blow Low

^^^^ Each of the14 moons is named for a mythological Greek water deity. Moving from closest to Neptune to furthest out, their names are Naiad, Thalassa, Despina, Galatea, Larissa, S/2004 N1 (which has yet to receive an official name), Proteus, Triton, Nereid, Halimede, Sao, Laomedeia, Psamathe, and Neso

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bernadette – the act of torching a mortgage. --Submitted by sd of ??

Science Fiction Joke of the Week: That movie Elysium, it was over my head. It happened in space, it was over all our heads.

Extra Unnamed Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Whiskey, please. Sir, this is McDonald's. OK, a McWhiskey, then. --Submitted by #RHOZ

Actual Science Joke of the Week: I'm a chemistry teacher. If I don't have a solution, I will make one up.

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Bin Laden ... Biden

I got my kids logic puzzles for Christmas because they needed some presents of mind. / Life is like a Rubik's Cube. If you get one side of it all smooth and organized, you usually mess up all the other sides in the process.

..........Your sighs are so like mine..........John Raitt (Curly) ….People Will Say We're In Love

^^^^^ Voyager 2 is the only spacecraft to have visited Neptune. None has orbited the planet for lengthy up close study.

Quotes of the Week: Sen. Hawley was doing something that was really dumbass. --Nebraska Sen. Ben Sasse / Hawley led the parade to the edge of a cliff. --KC Star

Recreating Famous Painting With Anything You Can Find of the Week:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm writing about all the things I ought to do before I die. It's my oughtobiography.

Today's Peace of History, January 29, 1926: Violette Neatly Anderson became the first black woman to practice law before the U.S. Supreme Court.

Last Halloween I went to a fancy masquerade as a jigsaw piece but I just didn't fit in. / He's been working on that jigsaw puzzle for months now...I just don't have the heart to tell him it's a box of Lucky Charms.

..........Words wouldn't come in an easy way..........John Raitt (Billy) …..If I Loved You

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle January 29, 2021, ePistle enigma. Peace, Pleasantries, & Puzzles Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: Women have very little idea how much men hate them. --Germaine Greer

Cost of War:

As of 1/28/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,099,998,995,739.

As of 1/21/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,098,096,278,294.

As of 1/28/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,016,106,178,942.

As of 1/21/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,014,813,065,947.

As of 1/28/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $827,047,871,759.

As of 1/21/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $825,422,275,921.

As of 1/28/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $343,601,802,702.

As of 1/21/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $343,232,354,722.

As of 1/28/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,286,755,692,057.

As of 1/21/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,281,564,960,727.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

No one can say Christianity has failed. It has never been tried. --Adam Clayton Powell Jr

..........Together we've so much to gain..........John Raitt (Sid) …The World Around Us ~~Today's songs are from the three musicals: Pajama Games...Oklahoma...Carousel

I bought a book of Sudoku Puzzles but they turned out to be pseudo-ku./ Did you hear about the mathematician who committed Sudoku? He really did a number on himself.

Famous Last Words: Nevermore. --Edgar Allen Poe The Raven

May Peace provide the pieces

And Joy give the answer

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Breezy ePistle

 Famous First Words: One ringy dingy... Ernestine Tomlin Laugh In

Salute to the Wind: ...Meanwhile in Kansas, we got all kinds of wind … biting wind, stinging wind, frigid wind, arctic wind, polar vortex wind, straight wind, twisty wind...

..........Now, don't hang on.........Kansas …..Dust in the Wind

Liberty is the right of every one to be honest, to think and to speak without hypocrisy. --Jose Marti

It is a sunny Friday morning. There is no breeze (how ironic) and hardly any willow branches left to display it anyway. Neither Bruno nor Puck are out to add movement to the scene and no squirrels are skittering along the power lines or fence tops. I am hurrying through my introduction today because a) the United Nations has outlawed nuclear weapons. As of today they are illegal. b) I'm going to KC to celebrate that fact. YEAH

Hope the weekend blows you away, ePistlers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It's called living. --Terry Pratchett

It was so windy my chicken laid the same egg three times. / Why is the football stadium so windy? Because of all the fans.

..........Never knowing who to cling to.........Elton John …..Candle in the Wind

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to Robert E Howard, the father of Sword & Sorcery Pulp Fiction

^ Who is Howard's most well known character

^^ Howard was invited into the “Lovecraft Circle”. Any idea what that was?

^^^ How about, where he was born?

^^^^ In what other genres (besides sword and sorcery) did Hoard write?

^^^^^ What ended Howard's life a mere 30 years after it began?

Big Hello: Caɲam (Salam) – Chechen https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The guy who flew a confederate flag in the capitol has predictably surrendered. --Submitted by gr of oh

Max Picture of the Week: Max singing I Talk To The Trees from Paint Your Wagon

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: At any given moment 43% of librarians are hiding inside a book. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

It's mad windy today. Trash is blowing everywhere. Watch out for my ex. / It's so windy today Farmer Fran is catching blewberries in a bucket as they whiz by.

..........before they're allowed to be free..........Bob Dylan …..Blowin' in the Wind

Moonbeam: Reading maketh a full man; conference a ready man; and writing an exact man. --Francis Bacon

Meditation of the Week: Refine: “Now that your young dog is properly trained, it is time to refine her skills [attend to the subtle nature of the breath].” How to Bring Humor to Meditation (berkeley.edu)

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Joe and Kamala should run off to Vegas and get inaugurated without telling us. --Randy Rainbow --Submitted by rl of ca

Week of the Week: National School Choice Week (24-30) –Everyone had better get their Betsy DeVos jokes in while people can still read. / The DeVos school funding plan: You start with $0. But if you sign up 5 kids for school, and those kids sign up 5more each, and those kids...

It is so windy there are white caps in the dog's bowl. / It was so windy Mike Pence's hair moved (but the fly hung on).

..........There were oh so many roads.........Bob Segar and the Silver Bullet …..Against the Wind

^ Robert created Conan the Barbarian aka Conan the Cimmerian in 1932 in Weird Tales magazine.

Almanac: It is Friday, January 22, 2021. The moon was first quarter last Wednesday and is in Taurus. It is Answer Your Cat's Questions Day, Celebration of Life Day, Roe vs. Wade Day, and Data Innovation Day. In the Ukraine it is Ukrainian Day aka Independence Day (1918).

Among those born on this day were Ivan III (1440), Francis Bacon (1561), George Gordon Noel Byron (1788), Ferdinand Christian Wilhelm Praeger (1815), August Strindberg (1849), D. W. Griffith (1875), Franz Alexander (1891), Ross Barnett (1898), Robert E. Howard (1906), Marie Dressler (1907), Ann Southern (1909), Howard Moss (1922), Margaret Whiting (1924), Sam Cooke (1931), Piper Laurie (1932), Bill Bixby (1934), Graham Kerr (1934), Joseph Wambaugh (1937), John Hurt (1940), Diane Lane (1963), and Hikaru Walter Sulu (2179).

On January twenty-second Robert II Stuart was crowned king of Scotland (1371), postal service between New York and Boston was inaugurated (1673), Spain ceded the Falkland Islands to Britain (1771), the National Association of Baseball Players was founded (1857), Cleopatra Needle was transplanted in Central Park (1881), Jose Marti formed La Liga (1890), Kandinsky formed Kunstlerverein (1909), the first uranium atom was split (1939), Our Town was first performed (1938), Crucible premiered (1953), the Canadian Football Council formed (1956), Pender defeated Robinson (1963), Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In premiered (1968), the Roe vs Wade decision ended women dying of backroom abortion mills (1973), Tyson TKOed Holmes (1988), and the World League of American Football became the NFL East (1998).

Night Sky, 1/22: Right after dark, face east and look very high. The bright star there is Capella, the Goat Star. To the right of it, by a couple of finger-widths at arm's length, is a small, narrow triangle of 3rd and 4th magnitude stars known as "the Kids." Though they're not exactly eye-grabbing, they form a never-forgotten asterism with Capella. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: My plan was for an inspiring picture of the lights along the reflecting pool or the inauguration or something. However, on Wednesday the power company sent in their henchmen to cut off any part of the neighbor's willow tree that might fall onto power lines. Sigh! It looks so sad.

This Week: Saturday, January 23 – Eagle Day & Local Quilt Shop Day & National Pie Day

Sunday, January 24 – Beer Can Day & Belly Laugh Day & National Bible Sunday

Night Sky, 1/24: Aldebaran shines below the waxing gibbous Moon this evening (by 4°). Spot the Pleiades farther to the Moon's upper right. Far beneath them all is Orion.

Monday, January 25 – Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day & Opposite Day & A Room of One's Own Day

Tuesday, January 26 – National Plan for a Vacation Day

Wednesday, January 27 – Holocaust Memorial Day & National Geographic Day & Tu B'Shavat

Night Sky, 1/27 : Mercury is emerging into a nice evening apparition low in the fading twilight. Look for it low in the west-southwest about 45 minutes after sunset. Jupiter (magnitude –1.9) is finally vanishing from sight in the glare of sunset. Mars (in Aries) shines at its highest in the south in late twilight. It's still high in the southwest as late as 8 or 9 pm. Uranus (also in Aries) is highest in the south right after dark, just a couple of degrees or so from eastward-flying Mars.

Thursday, January 28 – National Kazoo Day & Rubber Ducky Day

It was so windy it sand-blasted the tattoo off my arm. / You see iron blowing around in the wind these days. We call it Fe-Breeze.

..........It's blowin' peace and freedom.........The Weavers …..A Mighty Wind

^^ Howard became a member of the "Lovecraft Circle", a group of writers and friends all linked via the immense correspondence of H.P. Lovecraft, who made it a point to introduce his many like-minded friends to one another and encourage them to share stories, utilize each other's invented fictional trappings, and help each other succeed in the pulp field.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Being a mom means never buying the right amount produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week's worth is eaten in one day, or fruit flies are congregating around the bananas. --Submitted by #RHOZ

Moonbeam: I dream therefore I exist. --August Strindberg

Late Night Snacks of the Week: On Wednesday, Marjorie Taylor Greene (R, SC) wore a mask emblazoned “censored” as she addressed the House with a microphone. Do you know how dumb you look? You’re speaking on the floor of the House of Representatives and being broadcast on national television. It’s like LeBron James wearing a shirt that says 'play me, coach!'--Seth Meyers / This year’s inauguration is less democratic celebration and more military occupation. Now, if you have trouble telling your rioters in camo from the good guys in camo, the national guard will be the ones without the Confederate flags. --Stephen Colbert / When you have hair dye constantly leaking into your eyes, it’s hard to see anything coming. These two were inseparable, and now it’s come to this? It feels like Dr Frankenstein breaking up with Igor. --Jimmy Fallon / The president has reportedly refused to take Giuliani’s calls any more – now the only way for Rudy to get through is if someone says his name three times in a mirror. --Jimmy Kimmel

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie plays kangaroo in his mother's coat.

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The lead guitarist for Queen unveiled a new line of perfume that will make you smell somewhat like a badger, proving that you are not the only one having a hard time adjusting to life in quarantine. We don't really know why anyone would want to smell like a badger, an animal that literally has bad in its name. The perfume is over $200 a bottle, but a portion of the proceeds go to restore and protect badger populations in Great Britain. That seems great until you start to wonder where exactly they're getting all this badger smell from. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 1/16/21

It is necessary to make virtue fashionable. --Jose Marti

It was so windy my speedometer was going backwards./ I hate windy weather; it really blows./ You can use a news anchor to keep your newspaper from being blow away.

..........Cruise the speed of light.........Judas Priest …..Ridin on the Wind

^^^ Howard was born January 22, 1906 in Peaster, Texas, the only son of a traveling country physician, Dr. Isaac Mordecai Howard, and his wife, Hester Jane Ervin Howard. His early life was spent wandering through a variety of Texas cowtowns and boomtowns.

Unnumbered Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the internet arguing with strangers about politics. --Submitted by gr of oh

Weird Word of the Week: Adocography – good writing on a trivial base subject OR rhetorical praise of things of doubtful value. World Wide Words: Adoxography

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Soften your feet. Before going to bed, coat your feet with Albreto VO5 Conditioning Hairdressing and put on a pair of sock. Alberto VO5®: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: This challenge came from listener Dan Pitt, of Palo Alto, Calif. Take the name BUENOS AIRES. Remove one letter. The remaining letters can be rearranged to name two things that many people wish for around this time of year. What are they? NPR Sunday Puzzle 12/27/20 Answer below

It was so windy I got there a half hour before I left. / On the way home it was so windy I was passed by a butterfly while I was going down hill.

...........It might have appeared to go unnoticed.........Bette Midler …..Wind Beneath My Wings

^^^^ Howard wrote Westerns (The Horror from the Mound), Detective Fiction (shorts stories in Top Notch), and Adventure (The Daughter Erlik Khan)

Antipenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Whatever you hear about me please believe it. I no longer have time to explain myself. You can also add some if you want. --Submitted by INRITH

Science Fiction Joke of the Week: A lot of Star Wars fans come up to me and ask me to say “Luke, I am your father.” And I'll remind them that the quote is actually “No, I am your father.” Then I use the force to choke them within an inch of their life while they weep and beg for forgiveness. I love my fans. --James Earl Jones

Actual Science Joke of the Week: A group of wealthy investors wanted to be able to predict the outcome of a horse race. So they hired a group of biologists, a group of statisticians, and a group of physicists. Each group was given a year to research the issue. After one year, the groups all reported to the investors. The biologists said that they could genetically engineer an unbeatable racehorse, but it would take 200 years and $100bn. The statisticians reported next. They said that they could predict the outcome of any race, at a cost of $100m per race, and they would only be right 10% of the time. Finally, the physicists reported that they could also predict the outcome of any race, and that their process was cheap and simple. The investors listened eagerly to this proposal. The head physicist reported, "We have made several simplifying assumptions: first, let each horse be a perfect rolling sphere… "

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Bonus, Raise

The most powerful winds tend to come on Windsdays. / The tornado had to take a break; it was out of wind.

..........Wish I was a headlight on a west bound train.........Kingston Trio …..Chilly Winds

^^^^^ In June 1936, as his tubercular mother slipped into her final coma, her son maintained a death vigil with his father and friends of the family, getting little sleep, drinking huge amounts of coffee, and growing more despondent. On the morning of June 11, 1936, Howard asked one of his mother's nurses if she would ever regain consciousness. When she told him no, he walked out to his car in the driveway, took the pistol from the glove box, and shot himself in the head.

Quote of the Week: Welcome to the Brexit, sir. --A Dutch border guard to a British lorry driver after confiscating his ham sandwich because you can't bring meat into the EU.

Recreating Famous Painting With Anything You Can Find of the Week:

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Accordion to a recent study, 7 out of 10 people don't notice when a word in a sentence is replaced by a musical instrument.

Today's Peace of History, January 22, 1973: Women won control of their reproductive rights when the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in Roe v. Wade that Americans have a constitutional right to privacy, and thus women may terminate a pregnancy before the last 10 weeks. Prior to Roe v. Wade as many as 5,000 American women died annually as a direct result of unsafe abortions.

It was so windy that when it stopped everyone fell down. / Wind turbines like to make music;; they're huge metal fans.

..........I can't stay here and I'm scared to leave.........Joan Baez …..Whistle Down the Wind

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle January 22, 2021, Breezy ePistle. Wackiness, Wind, and Wonder. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: God was the original segregationist. --Ross Barnnet

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger. --Dan Rather

Cost of War:

As of 1/21/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,098,096,278,294.

As of 1/14/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,096,069,730,097.

As of 1/21/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,014,813,065,947.

As of 1/14/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,013,435,656,184.

As of 1/21/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $825,422,275,921.

As of 1/14/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $823,690,446,775.

As of 1/21/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $343,232,354,722.

As of 1/14/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $342,838,722,585.

As of 1/21/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,281,564,960,727.

As of 1/14/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,276,035,125,263.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

The vote is a trust more delicate than any other, for it involves not just the interests of the voter, but their life, honor and future as well. --Jose Marti

Famous Last Words: You get a good rest too. Good night. --Thornton Wilder Our Town

..........Let me fly away with you.........Barbra Streisand …..Wild Is the Wind

It was so windy I had to stop and have a beer. / If these winds could just blow COVID right the hell out of here, that would be great.

May Peace blow gently through you

And Joy swirl around your life

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Orderly ePistle

 Famous First Words: You're so wrong I ain't laughing. --Clifford Odets Waiting For Lefty

January is Get Organized Month: I find it helps to organize chores into categories: Things I won't do now. Things I won't do later. Things I'll never do. / My Organizing Credo: A Pile for everything and everything in it's pile.

..........and this bird cannot change.........Lynyrd Skynyrd with Ronnie Van Zant …..Free Bird

I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word. --Martin Luther King Jr.

It is a snowy Friday morning. The snow is very fine tumbling from the sky blown by gusts of wind. Backyards and roofs are colored white with brown leaves and dead stalks sticking through. Three squirrels are playing tag in Bruno's large oak tree. At one time we could hear them laughing; it made Puck bark into our silent room. Temperature is hovering around freezing (31°F) but the wind insists it is much colder. Snow blowing off rooftops looks like smoke from nonexistent chimneys. I cup my decaf and bring it close to my face so the steam can clear my nostrils. The sip I take warms my mouth and throat and even my soul. What a beautiful morning.

Hope your weekend is a whole mess of fun, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: American Airlines pilot says he'll divert plane and strand Trump supporters in Kansas if they don't behave. (Business Insider) --Submitted by abf of ks ~~Just what Kansas needs

First Cousin of First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: OK, doomscrolling is bad but have you SEEN the quality of the doom this week? / It's only doom if it comes from the Mt Doom region of Mordor. Otherwise it is just sparkling abject terror. --Submitted by dr of oh

I am not disorganized – I know exactly where everything is. The newer stuff is on top and the older stuff is on the bottom. / Yes, I keep a clean desk. Now all the mess is in my computer.

..........where the skies are so blue.........Lynyrd Skynyrd with Ronnie Van Zant …..Sweet Home Alabama

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday, Supreme Court

^ Any idea of the name of the act that created the Court?

^^ How many justices were established by the act?

^^^ How often did the act mandate that court meet?

^^^^ Know what judicial districts were created by the act?

^^^^^ When and/or why did the court have only 5 justices for a while?

Big Hello: Håfå ådai – Chamorro (Guam) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sign on a Dairy Queen: Ruining your New Year's Resolution since 1982. --Submitted by INRITH

Max Picture of the Week: Max singing to his Gingerbread House

Second Cousin of Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kind of poke it with a stick. --Submitted by INRITH

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 24% of disagreements between Public Services and Tech Services are settled by a West Side Story-like dance fight. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

I'm having a hard time getting rid of all of these old magazines. I've got issues. / I was going to include a picture of my Most Organized Employee but I can't find it.

..........Sounds like ol' son house singin' the blues.........Lynyrd Skynyrd with Ronnie Van Zant …..Gimme Three Steps

Moonbeam: Never pass by a chance to shut up. --Robert Silverberg

Meditation of the Week: Resolve: “Now the puppy (mind) is a young dog and is ready for training. During training, you resolve to firmly enforce discipline [attention], in a gentle and loving way.” How to Bring Humor to Meditation (berkeley.edu)

Irony of the Week: It has not escaped my attention that the day social media companies decided there actually is more they could do to police Trump's destructive behavior was the same day they learned Democrats would chair all the congressional committees that oversee them. --Submitted by sk of ks

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If only Giuliani were leading this riot, it would have taken place at a Capital One branch and we could move on. --Submitted by rl of ca

First Cousin Twice Removed of Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber. Ask them to pronounce “unionized”. --Submitted by ab of kc

Week of the Week: National Mocktail Week (10-16) --You know you're old when 2 mocktails make you sleepy.

You know what would make house cleaning way more fun? A maid / My house isn't messy. I've simply set up obstacles for any burglars.

..........I don't carry me no load.........Lynyrd Skynyrd with Ronnie Van Zant …..Call Me the Breeze

^ The Judiciary Act of 1789 established the federal judiciary of the US.

Almanac: It is Friday, January 15, 2021. The moon was new last Tuesday and is in Pisces. It is Humanitarian Day (Martin Luther King, Jr.'s birthday). In Japan it is Adults Day/Seijin-No-Hi; in Jordan (the country) and Florida (the state) it is Arbor Day. Venezuela celebrates Teachers' Day/Dia Del Maestro. Because it is the third Friday it is also International Fetish Day.

Among those born on this date were Moliere (1622), Joseph Lederer (1822), Jean Coralli (1779), Ferdinand G. Waldmuller (1793), Thomas Crofton Croker (1798), Pierre Joseph Proudhon (1809), Peter Asbjornsen (1812), Frederick Stanley (1841), Giovanni Sergantini (1858), Joseph Henabery (1888), Aristotle Onassis (1906), Edward Teller (1908), Gene Krupa (1909), Lloyd Bridges (1913), Gamal Abdel Nasser (1918), Norm Crosby (1927), Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929), Robert Silverberg (1935), Margaret O'Brien (1927), Captain Beefheart (Don Van Vilet, 1941), Mike Marshall (1943), Andrea Martin (1947), Ronnie Van Zant (1948), and Mario Van Peebles (1957).

On January fifteenth Henry VIII declared himself head of the English Church (1535), the British Museum opened (Montague House, 1759), the people of New Connecticut declared independence from England (Vermont, 1777), the US court system was established (1789), the University of Notre Dame received its charter in Indiana (1844), Otis patented the steam elevator (1861), the first US ski club formed (1882), Swan Lake premiered (1895), 21 drowned in a tidal wave of molasses that ran down the streets of Boston (1919), Waiting for Lefty premiered (1935), the Ford Foundation incorporated (1936), 4,000 attended a National Emergency Civil Rights Conference (DC, 1950), the Soviet Union launched Soyuz 5 (1969), Harrison released My Sweet Lord (1971), Space Mountain opened (1975), and Queen Elizabeth II fell off her horse (1994).

Night Sky, 1/15: The crescent Moon in the southwest after sunset is higher and easier to spot now. It still aims its curve down toward Mercury. Farther down, with binoculars to help, pick out Jupiter in its very narrow time window of visibility. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: This is my foster sister, Sharon Sotore, with me a couple of years ago. She died of COVID-19 this week. She was in hospital in Lee's Summit and we didn't get to go see her. She is deaf and so we didn't talk on the phone, and I didn't get to say good-bye. I will miss her.

This Week: Saturday, January 16 – Appreciate A Dragon Day & National Nothing Day

Night Sky, 1/16 : Zero-magnitude Capella high overhead, and equally bright Rigel in Orion's foot, have almost the same right ascension. This means they cross your sky’s meridian at almost exactly the same time: around 9 or 10 pm now, depending on how far east or west you live in your time zone. (Capella goes exactly through your zenith if you're at latitude 46° north: Portland, Oregon; Montreal; central France.) So, whenever Capella passes its very highest, Rigel always marks true south over your landscape, and vice versa.

Sunday, January 17 – Cable Car Day & World Snow Day & Popeye Day

Monday, January 18 – Martin Luther King Jr Day & Thesaurus Day

Tuesday, January 19 – Tin Can Day & World Day of Migrants and Refugees & World Quark Day

Wednesday, January 20 – Inauguration Day & National Cheese Lovers Day & Penguin Awareness Day

Night Sky, 1/20 : Tonight there will be a triple conjunction with Venus, Uranus, and the moon.

Thursday, January 21 – International Sweatpants Day & National Hugging Day**

**Canceled this year due to the virus.

Another Image of the Week: National guard deployed to the capitol with the statue of Rosa Parks.

Correction to Image of the Week (1/8): The picture of the senate aides carrying ballot that was featured in Starry Starry ePistle were, in that picture, carrying the ballots into session before the attack. They were the people who gathered them and took them out of harm's way, but not in that picture. Sorry

Cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places. / My local grocery organizes their shampoo aisle like Ajax...Head & Shoulders above the rest.

..........And a trip to the moon.........Lynyrd Skynyrd with Ronnie Van Zant …..The Needle and the Spoon

^^ The Act set the number of Supreme Court justices at six: one Chief Justice and five Associate Justices.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I don't need a mood ring; I have a face. --Submitted by #RHOZ

Moonbeam: Men of great spirit are at high risk at a time when small souls rule the world --Robert Silverberg

Late Night Snacks of the Week: Meyers turned on some calming music and his thickest deadpan: “Let me begin by doing my part to begin the healing process, to bring down the temperature and tone down the rhetoric by saying this: fuck you, you cretinous, insurrectionist gargoyles. --Seth Meyers / And now that we’ve had some time to learn more and see more of what happened on that terrible day last week all I can think is, ‘Oh, Stephen from last week, you sweet, naïve child, how could you have been so calm? --Stephen Colbert / And I’m all for healing, but before we heal, we need to make sure the surgery is finished, and there’s still a large, cancerous tumor that needs to be removed. --Jimmy Kimmel / Right now, writing on his border wall is the only place Trump’s allowed to post. --Jimmy Fallon ~~I am hoping this will be the last (or at the very most next to the last) week for Trump jokes.

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie is with Grandma Kirsten

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: You know, I was looking at it, and I love how the Capitol is so open, right? Like, it's the people's house, and that's why it was easy to get in. But I have to say there's a castle on the island that I'm from in Cobh, and it has, like, little slits at the top of it to pour hot oil out of. It has what's called a murder hole And it works. You know, it's worked for 2,000 years now to keep out the marauders and their terrible fashions. Maeve Higgins Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 1/9/21

The hope of a secure and livable world lies with disciplined nonconformists who are dedicated to justice, peace, and brotherhood. --Martin Luther King, Jr

Heaven is a place where the police are English, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian, and everything is organized by the Swiss. / Hell, on the other hand, is where the police are German, the cooks are English, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Americans.

..........Ain't good for nothin'.........Lynyrd Skynyrd with Ronnie Van Zant …..Saturday Night Special

^^^ The Supreme Court shall hold annually at the seat of government two sessions, the one commencing the first Monday of February, and the other the first Monday of August.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If nothing is going well, call your grandmother. --Italian Proverb

Weird Word of the Week: Zorbing - Imagine yourself suspended inside a ten-foot clear plastic sphere by nylon ropes, then rolled to the top of a slope and pushed off. No brakes, no steering, just you and gravity. World Wide Words: Zorbing

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Make cleaning up after painting or doing a messy auto grease job easy. Lightly coating your hands with Alberto VO5 Conditioning Hairdressing before painting or fixing the car, allows you to clean them off afterward without harsh solvents. Alberto VO5®: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: This challenge comes from listener Robert Flood of Allen, Texas. Think of a seven-letter hyphenated word for a kind of cooking. Change the middle letter to get a new word describing a kind of music. What words are these? NPR Sunday Puzzle 1/10/21 Answer below

How does the solar system organize a party? The planet / Never ask a felon to organize something numerically unless you're prepared to handle the con sequences.

...........I just want a little peace of mind.........Lynyrd Skynyrd with Ronnie Van Zant …..Don't Ask Me No Questions

^^^^ The Act also created 13 judicial districts within the 11 states that had then ratified the Constitution (North Carolina and Rhode Island were added as judicial districts in 1790, and other states as they were admitted to the Union). Each state comprised one district, except for Virginia and Massachusetts, each of which comprised two. Massachusetts was divided into the District of Maine (which was then part of Massachusetts) and the District of Massachusetts (which covered modern-day Massachusetts). Virginia was divided into the District of Kentucky (which was then part of Virginia) and the District of Virginia (which covered modern-day West Virginia and Virginia).

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A mob of the MAGA persuasion

Conducted a statehouse invasion.

Though heavily armed,

They parted unharmed,

And that's how you know they're Caucasian. --Submitted by rhb of ks

Science Fiction Joke of the Week: Gravity is a habit that's hard to shake. --Terry Pratchett

Actual Science Joke of the Week: Why is everything on the floor? Gravity, mom.

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Bar-b-que → baroque

What do you call a mediocre member of organized crime? A mafiososo / My weekend is looking like a poorly organized herb gardener...nothing but thyme on my hands.

..........Give me a T for Thelma.........Lynyrd Skynyrd with Ronnie Van Zant …..T for Texas

^^^^^ In 1801, President John Adams and a lame-duck Federalist Congress passed the Judiciary Act of 1801, which reduced the Court to five Justices in an attempt to limit incoming President Thomas Jefferson’s appointments to the high bench. Jefferson and his Republicans soon repealed that act, putting the Court back to six Justices. And in 1807, Jefferson and Congress added a seventh Justice when it added a seventh federal court circuit.

Quote of the Week: And how should we behave during this Apocalypse? We should be unusually kind to one another, certainly. But we should also stop being so serious. Jokes help a lot. And get a dog, if you don't already have one. --Kurt Vonnegut The Idea Killers, 1984

Recreating Famous Painting With Anything You Can Find of the Week:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It is easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. --Mark Twain

Fake Fifth Cousin of Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Elon Musk is now worth $208 billion. You want to know how he did it? He skipped 34.67 billion lattes. It's that easy. --Moses Daniel --Submitted by rhb of ks

Today's Peace of History, January 15, 1969: Janet McCloud, her husband Don and four others from the Tulalip Indian tribe were tried for one of their "fish-ins" on the Nisqually River in Washington state. The Nisqually empties into Puget sound on the Tulalip reservation. Despite century-old treaties granting them half the salmon catch in their ancestral waters, state game officials harassed and arrested Indian fishermen. However, all were found not guilty.

Having some areas in pandemic lock down and others not is like trying to organize a pissing section in a swimming pool. / Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool. I lost the Rock's paper scissor.

..........All you need is in your soul.........Lynyrd Skynyrd with Ronnie Van Zant …..Simple Man

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle January 15, 2021, Orderly ePistle. Order, Drolleries and Organization. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: I hate no one, sir. It seems a waste of emotional energy. --Robert Silverberg

Cost of War:

As of 1/14/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,096,069,730,097.

As of 1/7/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,094,130,521,116.

As of 1/14/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,013,435,656,184.

As of 1/7/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,012,117,887,521.

As of 1/14/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $823,690,446,775.

As of 1/7/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $822,033,753,773.

As of 1/14/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $342,838,722,585.

As of 1/7/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $342,462,200,391.

As of 1/14/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,276,035,125,263.

As of 1/7/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,270,744,008,972.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Violence as a way of achieving racial justice is both impractical and immoral. I am not unmindful of the fact that violence often brings about momentary results. Nations have frequently won their independence in battle. But in spite of temporary victories, violence never brings permanent peace. --Martin Luther King, Jr

Famous Last Words: Strike, Strike, Strike –Clifford Odets Waiting for Lefty

..........Say, I may be crazy, woman, but I ain't no fool.........Lynyrd Skynyrd with Ronnie Van Zant …..I Ain't the One

I tried to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are hard to find. / A boy says to his dad, “I'm considering a career in organized crime”. “Government of private sector”, his dad asks.

May Peace harmonize your life

And Joy codify your time

prairie mama

christine

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