Friday, December 11, 2020

Shamash ePistle

 Famous First Words: In the name of God, Amen... The Mayflower Compact

Happy Hanukkah ! Which hand is best for lightening the menorah. Neither, the best way to light it is with a candle. / Top 10 reasons to like Hanukkah: No roof damage from reindeer.

..........wearing sandals, lighting candles by the sea..........Tom Leher …..I'm Spending Hanukkah in Santa Monica

Education is the most valuable thing in life to change you and take you to another level. --UNICEF

It is a cool (41°F), dank Friday morning. The sky is mottled in grays and whites and darker grays, each looking almost, but not like rain. Any grass that is still green is hidden underneath a blanket of brown and yellow leaves. Even Bruno's pin oak is nearly devoid of foliage. There is no breeze and the willow branches hang, graceful and motionless. Birds flit about silently and the hum of my computer is all I hear. My coffee cup steams the smell of coffee and cream to my nose and clears my sinuses. I take a long sip and hold the warm liquid in my mouth to savor the bitter sweetness before I drain it down my throat. That first sip is always so pleasant.

Hope your weekend lasts eight nights, teyere khbrim (I think this is Dear Friends in Yiddish)

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest. --Submitted by INRITH

You know he's the Hanukkah hippie because he has his hair in dreidel-locks. / Top 10 reasons to like Hanukkah: Never a silent night when you're among your loved ones.

..........We have eight crazy nights..........Adam Sandler …..The Chanukah Song

Quote of the Week: The shamash is the candle that lights the others. Be a shamash. --Rabbi David Wolpe

Trivia Questions: International Mountain Day !

^ Denali is the highest peak in North America, any idea how high it is?

^^ Which state contains 9 of the 10 highest peaks in the US?

^^^ Who declares their mountains have the “best snow on earth”?

^^^^ What is the most mountainous country in the world?

^^^^^ Any idea which New Zealand mountain lost 30 meter in height in 1991 due to a landslide?

Big Hello: Hola – Catalan (Spain, Andorra, and France) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Fun Fact: Before crowbars were invented, most crows drank at home... Submitted by FNOG

Irony of the Week: A San Francisco billionaire is donating $30 million to the University of California (SF) to research root causes of homelessness and potential solutions. --Submitted by BLM-LFK

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: Librarian's favorite white noise: 40% - HVAC, 25% - quiet typing 20% Passive aggressive paper shuffling https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

The best Hanukkah present for the person with everything is a burglar alarm. / Top 10 reasons to like Hanukkah: If someone screws up on their gift, there are seven more days to correct it.

..........I'm feelin' pretty great, got latkes on my plate.........Taylor Swift …..Chanukah Shake Off

Moonbeam: There is no Democratic or Republican way of cleaning the streets. --Fiorello LaGuardia

Naturally Occurring of the Week: Christmas Tree Ornament

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Please tip your musicians! Musicians are so broke...I saw 4 in the parking lot sharing the same cigarette. --Submitted by the Nace Brothers

Week of the Week: Older Driver Safety Awareness Week (7-11) --A senior citizen is driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there is a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!'' Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!''

Whenever my brother's Nerf ball fell into the latke pan, mom yelled, “Unidentified Frying Object.” / Top 10 reasons to like Hanukkah:You can bet Hanukkah gelt on candle wax races.

..........Let's ;have a party, let's dance the hora.........Jack Black …..Oh, Hanukkah

^ The summit of Denali is 20,310 feet above sea level.

Almanac: It is Friday, December 11, 2020. The moon will be new on Monday and is in Scorpio. The United Nations has declared this International Mountain Day. It is the birthday of UNICEF (1946). Because it is the second Friday it is also Official Lost & Found Day. In Indiana they celebrate Admission Day (1816) and in Upper Volta it is Republic Day (1958).

Among those born on this day were Manuel Cardoso (1566), Johann Georg Weichenberger (1676), David Brewster (1781), Hector Lou Berlioz (1803), Kemal Bey (1840), Georgi V. Plechanov (1856), Annie Jump Cannon (1863), Mieczyslaw Karlowicz (1876), Fiorello La Guardia (1882), Max Born (1882), Nagib Machfus (1911), Alexandr Solzhenitsyn (1918), Big Mama Thornton (1926), Rita Mareno (1931), Tom Hayden (1939), Lynda Dey George (1944), Teri Garr (1946), Jermaine Jackson (1954), and Danan Hughes (1970).

On December eleventh the Mayflower with 103 pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock (1620), the Aurora Borealis was first described in literature (1719), Indiana became the nineteenth state (1816), nitrous oxide was first used in dentistry (1844), he first yacht race across the Atlantic was sailed (1866), the first transatlantic radio signal was sent (1901), the Boll Weevil Monument was dedicated (Enterprise, AL 1919), King Edward VIII abdicated to marry Wallis Simpson (1936), the United Nations International Children Emergency Fund (UNICEF) was established (1946), MacLeish's "JB" premiered (1958), the People's front for the Liberation of Palestine (PFLP) was established (1967), Libya adopted a constitution (1969), first class postage rose to $.13 (1975), and Muhammad Ali fought his last fight (61st, lost to Trevor Bervick, 1981).

Night Sky, 12/11: Moon and Venus at dawn. As day begins to break Saturday morning, look southeast for the thin crescent Moon with Venus some 4° or 5° to its lower left (for North America).Several hours later the Moon will occult Venus in broad daylight for telescope users in the Pacific time zone. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Max Picture of the Week: Philosopher Max thinking about thanks...

Hanukkah Joke of the Week: Hanukkah is the most American holiday because it's a celebration of burning oil that we don't have. --Andy Borowitz

This Week: Saturday, December 12 – National Ding-A-Ling Day & Poinsettia Day & National Day of the Horse

Sunday, December 13 – Worldwide Candle Lighting Day & World Choral Day

Night Sky, 12/13: The Geminid meteor shower – always a highlight of the meteor year – is expected to peak on the night of December 13-14 (Sunday evening until dawn Monday)

Monday, December 14 – Green Monday & Yoga Day & Monkey Day

Night Sky, 12/14: This total solar eclipse, the last eclipse of 2020, is visible from Chile and some parts of Argentina in the afternoon. Some regions in southern South America, south-west Africa, and Antarctica will see a partial solar eclipse, if the weather permits. Total Solar Eclipse on December 14, 2020 (timeanddate.com)

Tuesday, December 15 – Bill of Rights Day & National Cupcake Day & National Wear Your Pearls Day

Wednesday, December 16 – National Chocolate-Covered Anything Day

Thursday, December 17 – Clean Air Day & Wright Brothers Day

What did the candles say when the menorah complained about getting too hot? Whoa, a talking menorah. / Top 10 reasons to like Hanukkah: You can use your fireplace.

..........How many nights for Hanukkah.........The Klezmatics …..Happy Joyous Hanukkah

^^ Alaska has the highest I9 mountains: Denali, Mt St Elias, Mt Foraker, Mt Bona, Mt Blackburn, Mt Sanford, Mt Fairweather, Mt Bear, and Mt Hunter.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I've started investing in stocks: beef, chicken, and vegetable...One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.

Moonbeam: If the God of revelation is most appropriately worshipped in the temple of religion, the God of nature may be equally honored in the temple of science. Even from its lofty minarets the philosopher may summon the faithful to prayer, and the priest and sage exchange altars without the compromise of faith or knowledge. --David Brewster

Late Night Snacks of the Week: Now you might be wondering, why hasn’t President Trump also offered to take the vaccine with these other presidents? Well, by the time the vaccines are available, he’ll also be a former president. But don’t forget, he beat corona already, so he’s already immune. Also, he can’t go before the other presidents, because he’ll take all the lollipops. — Trevor Noah / That’s must-see, baby. Forget ‘The Mandalorian’ — people really want to watch next year’s biggest hit, ‘Someone Else’s Doctor Appointment.’ — Stephen Colbert / ...the most boring pay-per-view event of our lives. -- Jimmy Kimmel

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie – lead reindeer

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The Baltimore Ravens have more than 20 sick players. The Denver Broncos don't have a single quarterback who could play. Even Hank Williams Jr. was like, are you ready for some football? And they were like, no. --Maz Jobrani Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me 12/5/20

The cause of making the world a better place for children unites us all. --Liam Neeson for UNICEF

The broom was late to the Hanukkah party because it over swept. / Top 10 reasons to like Hanukkah: strip dreidel games.

..........I was stuck in a Hanukkah, Cannabis high...........MC Flow …..Pot in the Latkes

^^^ Utahans claim to have the best snow for skiing – powder. It's because they have no moisture in the air or in the snow. They used to complain about the humidity when it got into 2 digits.

Worthless Fact of the Week: Butterflies rely on their feet to taste food. Their feet have taste sensors on them that help to locate food for their caterpillars. https://www.cbc.ca/kidscbc2/the-feed/five-fun-facts-about-butterflies

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Trump is a golfer; he believes low score wins.

Weird Word of the Week: Vidiot – N Amer. Informal - a habitual, undiscriminating watcher of television or videotapes. Weird And Wonderful Words | Lexico

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Store leftover garden seeds. Seal seeds and put them in a cool, dry place until ready for planting. Ziploc® Storage Bags: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: This challenge came from listener Eric Berlin of Milford, Ct. There are several words that consist of the consonants N, P and R and an assortment of vowels. For example, APRON, PIONEER and EUROPEAN. But there is only one common phrase that contains exactly two N's, two P's and two R's with no other consonants. You can add vowels as needed. What phrase is this? --NPR Sunday Puzzle 11/15/20 (answer below)

It was quite a party, the loaves of bread were yelling “Happy Challah”, the dreidel drank so much it got dizzy, and Simba was singing Hanukkah matata. / Top 10 reasons to like Hanukkah: Fun waxy buildup on the menorah.

...........Now we sing while lights glow.........six 13 …..Bohemian Chanukah

^^^^ Bhutan has an average elevation of 10,760 feet making it the most mountainous.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Nothing can be said about our politics that has not already been said about hemorrhoids.

Science Fiction Joke of the Week: For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much — the wheel, New York, wars, and so on — whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man — for precisely the same reasons. --Douglas Adams

Actual Science Joke of the Week: Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. --Albert Einstein

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Proper Noun

A guy's mother gives him two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time he visits her, he makes sure to wear one. As he walks into the house, his mother frowns and asks, "What – you didn't like the blue one?" / Top 10 reasons to like Hanukkah: No awkward explanations of the virgin birth.

..........I made it out of clay..........Debbie Friedman …..The Dreidel Song

^^^^^ CRUMBLED: In 1991 a massive slip aka landslide changed the height of Mt Cook. Aoraki aka Mt Cook might still be the tallest peak in the country, but it is now officially 30 metres shorter than before.

Month of the Week: December is Tie Month --A man gets a tie for Christmas but within a few days he takes it back to the shop. The salesperson asks him what was wrong and he says, one end is longer than the other./ I'm thinking of opening a store that only sells neckties. I'd name it Thailand.

Recreating Famous Painting With Anything You Can Find of the Week:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself. --Submitted by dr of oh

Today's Peace of History, December 11, 1984: More than 20,000 women turned out for an anti-nuclear demonstration at Greenham Common Air Base in England, where US nuclear-armed cruise missiles were deployed. Some tried to rip down the fence surrounding the base.

Admiring the Christmas trees displayed in his neighbour's windows, Nathan asks his father, 'Daddy, can we have a Hanukkah bush?' 'What? No, of course not.' says his father. 'Why not?' asks Nathan again. A little agitated, his father replies, 'Well, Nathan, the last time we had dealings with a bush that was lit up, we spent 40 years in the wilderness.' / Top 10 reasons to like Hanukkah:cheer is optional.

..........Baaruch atah Adonai, eloheinu..........Barenaked Ladies …..Hanukkah Blessing

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle December 11, 2020, Shamash ePistle. Hanisim, Humor, and Hanukkiyah Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart? --Alexandr Solzhenitsyn

Cost of War:

As of 12/10/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,086,168,882,146.

As of 12/3/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,084,184,665,745.

As of 12/10/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,006,707,065,631.

As of 12/3/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,005,358,427,496.

As of 12/10/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $815,231,874,421.

As of 12/3/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $813,536,193,771.

As of 12/10/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $340,916,349,113.

As of 12/3/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $340,530,928,679.

As of 12/10/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,249,024,999,377.

As of 12/3/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,243,610,901,747.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Every child has the right to be safe, grow, learn play. --UNICEF

Famous Last Words: We'll know. We'll know. --spoken by Sarah JB by Archibald MacLeish

..........Don't let the light go out.........Peter, Paul, & Mary …..Light One Candle

It was Hanukkah and the tiny village was in fear of not having any latkes because they had run out of flour. Rudi, the rabbi, was called upon to help solve the problem. He said, "Don't worry, you can substitute matzo meal for the flour and the latkes will be just as delicious!" Sheila looked to her husband and said, "Morty...you think it'll work?" Morty said, "Of course! Everybody knows…Rudolph, the Rav, knows grain dear!" / And the top reason to like Hanukkah: No Irving Berlin songs.

May Peace be your oil

And Joy be your flame

prairie mama

christine



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