Famous First Words: Jetzt, schätzchen (at last, my idol) --Beethoven Fidelio ~~Another translator says it means: Now, honey
It is American Education Week! My daughter received this email from a prospective student prior to the start of the semester: “Dear Professor, I won’t be able to come to any of your classes or meet for any of the tests. Is this a problem?” —Carol Harper / Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge. --Mark Twain
What's the difference between a banjo and... a chain saw has a more dynamic range.
..........When the wind is strummin' a sagebrush guitar..........Judy Canova …..Along the Navajo Trail
I'd rather see America save her soul than her face. --Norman Thomas
It is a warmish (54°F) Friday morning. The sky is smeared with clouds leaving only small patches of blue amid curly gray and white. There is no breeze to move the branches of the bare trees so the back yard looks like a painting not a movie. Both Puck and Bruno are inside not adding movement to the scene. Spirited birdsong can be heard but no birds can be seen. It smells of fall, of damp leaves and dying foliage...the very opposite of flowers. So I return indoors to my cup of decaf which I lovingly doctor with sweetener and cream. Now I sit thinking of how pleasant the morning is and how much better it will be when I write to you.
Hope your weekend is safe and sound wherever you go, ePistliers
First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There should be a horror movie where Waldo finds you. --Submitted by Thunder Dungeon (TD)
The homework assignment for my Spanish class was to write a paragraph. When I returned their papers, I asked one student if he had used Google Translate or any other online translator to write his paper. He categorically denied doing so. That led to my next question: “Then why is this in French?”. / I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. --Woody Allen
What's the difference between a banjo and...you can tune a Harley Davidson
..........Fill my heart with song.........Kaye Ballard …..In Other Words
Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to president-elect Joe R. Biden.
^ Do you know his full name?
^^ Know anything about his very early life?
^^^ Where did his childhood nickname “Joe Impedimenta” come from?
^^^^ What high school did Joe work to attend?
^^^^^ Any idea to what office was Joe first elected?
Big Hello: Zdravehte- Bulgarian https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup on top of my car. Now everyone waves at me. --Submitted by ss of mo
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 12% of librarian's first word was 'cardigan'. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Just before the final exam in my college finance class, a less-than-stellar student approached me. “Can you tell me what grade I would need to get on the exam to pass the course?” he asked. I gave him the bad news. “The exam is worth 100 points. You would need 113 points to earn a D.” “OK,” he said. “And how many points would I need to get a C?” --Aimee Prawitz / Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. --Garry Trudeau
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion... no one cries when you cut up a banjo
..........We ain't fakin'.........Jerry Lee Lewis …..Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On ~~This is the first song that was played on American Bandstand – in honor of Dick Clark's birthday
Moonbeam: Knowledge and liberty are so prevalent in this country, that I do not believe that the United States would ever be disposed to establish one religious sect, and lay all others under legal disabilities. But as we know not what may take place hereafter, and any such test would be exceedingly injurious to the rights of free citizens, I cannot think it altogether superfluous to have added a clause, which secures us from the possibility of such oppression. --Oliver Wolcott
Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: Fall trees
Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Proposition: from this day forward instead of saying “between a rock and a hard place” we say “Between a dildo shop and a crematorium”.
Week of the Week: Medical Cannabis Week (16-20) –Medical Marijuana because laughter is the best medicine. / The next person to mention medical marijuana to me better actually have some.
Student: I don’t understand why my grade was so low. How did I do on my research paper? Teacher: Actually, you didn’t turn in a research paper. You turned in a random assemblage of sentences. In fact, the sentences you apparently kidnapped in the dead of night and forced into this violent and arbitrary plan of yours clearly seemed to be placed on the pages against their will. Reading your paper was like watching unfamiliar, uncomfortable people interacting at a cocktail party that no one wanted to attend in the first place. You didn’t submit a research paper. You submitted a hostage situation. / Absolute Zero: The lowest grade attainable on a test.
What's the difference between a banjo and... you have to take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
..........I just want to get to the song.........Dick Smothers …..Boil That Cabbage Down
^ Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. is an American politician and the president-elect of the United States.
Almanac: It is Friday, November 20, 2020. The moon will be in the first quarter tomorrow and is in Aquarius. The United Nations has designated this as Africa Industrialization Day (A/RES/44/237). It is also Name Your Computer Day, National Peanut Butter Fudge Day, Transgender Day of Remembrance, and Universal Children's Day. In Mexico it is Revolution Day (1910). World wide it is Globally Organized Hug A Runner Day aka G.O.H.A.R.D and Rights of the Child Day.
Among those born on this day were Peregrine White (aboard the Mayflower, 1620), Oliver Wolcott (1726), Selma Lagerlof (1858), Daniel Gregory Mason (1873), Norman Thomas (1884), Edwin Hubble (1889), Fran Allison (1907), Judy Canova (1916), Gene Tierney (1920), Robert Kennedy (1927), Kaye Ballard (1926), Estelle Parsons (1927), Dick Clark (1929), Richard Dawson (1932), Dick Smothers (1939), Joseph R. Biden (1942), Norman Greenbaum (1942), Duane Allman (1946), Joe Walsh (1947), and Bo Derek (1956).
On November twentieth Edward I was proclaimed King of England (1272), New Jersey became the first state to ratify the Bill of Rights (1789), Fidelio opened in Vienna (1805), Howard University was founded (1866), the timecard clock was patented (1888), the first municipally owned airport opened (Tucson, 1919), commercial teletype service began (1931), Meet the Press made its network debut (1947), the Cuban blockade was lifted (1962), the first solar-powered flight was made (Ptacek, 1980), and the World Health Organization began a global effort to combat AIDS (1986).
Night Sky, 11/20: Whenever Fomalhaut is "southing" (crossing the meridian due south, which it does around 7 pm. this week), the first stars of Orion are just about to rise above the east horizon for skywatchers in the world's mid-northern latitudes. And, the Pointers of the Big Dipper stand upright low due north, straight below Polaris. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max Picture of the Week: Max the Popcorn Man at family movie night.
This Week: Saturday, November 21 – World Hello Day & National Adoption Day & World Television Day
Sunday, November 22 – Do Dah Day & Humane Society Day & National Family Pajama Night
Night Sky, 11/22: The bowl of the Little Dipper descends in the evening at this time of year, left or lower left of Polaris. By about 11 p.m. it hangs straight down from Polaris.
Monday, November 23 – Dr Who Day & Fibonacci Day & National Espresso Day
Tuesday, November 24 – Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day
Wednesday, November 25 – International Hat Day & National Play With Dad Day & Tie One On Day
Night Sky, 11/25: As dawn brightens Mercury is still nicely visible in the east-southeast. Look for it lower left of Venus. Next week it will descend from sight down to the dawn horizon.
Thursday, November 26 - Thanksgiving
I’m now in high school, so when I ran into my third-grade teacher, I doubted she would remember me. “Hi, Miss Butcher,” I said. “Hi, Eddie,” she replied. “So you do remember me?” I asked. “Sure. You don’t always leave a good impression, but it is a lasting one.” --Edward McMurray / Bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats if you get 'em laminated.
How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? 5 – one to screw it in and 4 to complain that it's electric.
..........You were in the chocolate and you yelled “fire”.........Dick Smothers …..Chocolate
^^ Joe grew up in the blue-collar city of Scranton in northeast Pennsylvania. His father, Joseph Biden Sr., worked cleaning furnaces and as a used car salesman. His mother was Catherine Eugenia "Jean" Finnegan. Biden attended St. Paul's Elementary School in Scranton. In 1955, when he was 13 years old, the family moved to Mayfield, Delaware—a rapidly growing middle-class community sustained primarily by the nearby DuPont chemical company.
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I saw a lady at the grocery store today take her mask off to read a label. --Submitted by ay of ca
Moonbeam: Never repeat a rumor before you have verified it. And if it is true, hold your tongue all the more. --Selma Lagerlӧf
Late Night Snacks of the Week: It’s like cracking open A Tale of Two Cities and stopping after ‘it was the best of times.’ --Seth Meyers / No one expected Trump to immediately, cheerfully accept the results, He’s incapable of cheerfully accepting anything apart from blowjobs, Nazi endorsements, and the opportunity to scream inside a stranger’s truck, --John Oliver / It is interesting how now all the Trump supporters are suddenly OK with protesting and blocking traffic. How quickly their attitudes have changed. I bet we’re only three months away from them kneeling at football games like, "I will not stand for the anthem of a country that does not support my Maga-ness" --Trevor Noah. /... the digital equivalent of waking up to find grandpa screaming on the lawn in his underwear. You can’t give him a standard mental cognition test because the first question is ‘Who is the president? --Stephen Colbert
Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie watches the shadows as dusk descends.
Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The terrible, fake Irish accents that are apparently in the new movie "Wild Mountain Thyme," at least judging from its trailer. I will quote the Irish Times film critic Donald Clark. (Imitating Irish accent) "What in the name of Holy Bejaysus and all the suffering saints...Is this benighted cowpat?" --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me 11/14/20
How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? 5 – one to screw it in and four to lament how much they miss the old one.
He who would save liberty must put his trust in democracy. --Norman Thomas
“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” the teacher instructed her second-grade student. “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant,” he answered. “Umm … Do you know what pregnant means?” “Yes,” said the boy. “It means carrying a child.” --Earl B. Child, Roy, Utah / They say you never forget your first school teacher, I had mine like 4 years in a row… I was dating her by the time I got out of that joint.
How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? 5 – one to screw it in and four to ask what tuning is being used.
..........I'm gonna go to the place that's the best.........Norman Greenbaum …..Spirit in the Sky
^^^ As a child, Biden struggled with a stutter. He eventually overcame his speech impediment by memorizing long passages of poetry and reciting them out loud in front of the mirror.
Worthless Fact of the Week: Despite all the attention it gets and how important it is to our daily lives, gravity is actually the weakest of the universe’s four fundamental forces. Even though it sounds surprising, it makes sense when we remember our own ability to thwart gravity’s plans. Every time you pick up or catch an object using your own strength, you’re defeating gravity.
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It took “Click it or Ticket” to get people to wear a seat belt. I wonder if “Mask it or Casket” might work? --Submitted by sb of ar
Weird Word of the Week: Screenager: a person in their teens or twenties with an aptitude for using computers and the internet. https://www.lexico.com/explore/weird-and-wonderful-words
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Store jigsaw puzzles. Keep all the pieces in a Ziploc Storage Bag so you never lose that one pivotal piece of the puzzle again. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/ziploc.html
"How do you spell toad?" one of my first-grade students asked. "We just read a story about a toad," I said, then helped him spell it out: "T-O-A-D." Satisfied, he finished writing the story he'd begun, then read it aloud: "I toad my mama I wanted a dog for my birthday." / Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
...........And I don't own the clothes I'm wearing.........Duane & Gregg Allman …..Midnight Ride
How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? 5 – one to screw it in and four to argue what year it was made.
^^^^ Biden attended the St. Helena School until he gained acceptance into the prestigious Archmere Academy. Although he had to work by washing the school windows and weeding the gardens to help his family afford tuition, Biden had long dreamed of attending the school, which he called "the object of my deepest desire, my Oz." At Archmere, Biden was a solid student and, despite his small size, a standout receiver on the football team. "He was a skinny kid," his coach remembered, "but he was one of the best pass receivers I had in 16 years as a coach." Biden graduated from Archmere in 1961.
Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Dear people that complain about Christmas music being played too early, I don't see y'all writing any Thanksgiving bangers. --Submitted by #RHOZ
Science Fiction Joke of the Week: Steampunk is nothing more than what happens when Goths discover brown. --Charles Stross
Actual Science Joke of the Week: The Unjust Salary Theorem asserts that scientists can never earn as much as sales people. This theorem is proved as follows. Start by using the physics formula: Power = Work / Time. Now you probably have heard that Knowledge is Power and Time is Money. Substitute these tautologies into the formula for power to obtain: Knowledge = Work/Money. Solving for Money, one finds: Money = Work / Knowledge. Therefore, the less you know, the more you make.
Quote of the Week: If we want security, let us give security. If we want life, let us give life. If we want opportunities, let us provide opportunities. --Pope Francis
Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If the legal gathering size gets any smaller, I'ma need someone to come get a few of these kids.... -_Submitted by #RHOZ
A month after Donald MacDonald started at Harvard, his mother called from Scotland. "And how are the American students, Donald?" she asked. "They’re so noisy," he complained. "One neighbor endlessly bangs his head against the wall, while another screams all night." "How do you put up with it?" "I just ignore them and play my bagpipes." / I took a physics course that was so hard I couldn't find the classroom.
.........let that mean woman make me a fool.........Duane & Gregg Allman …..Whipping Post
How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? 5 – one to screw it in and four to stand around a watch.
^^^^^ After graduating from law school in 1968, Biden moved to Wilmington, Delaware to begin practicing at a law firm. He also became an active member of the Democratic Party, and in 1970 he was elected to the New Castle County Council. While serving as councilman, in 1971, Biden started his own law firm.
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Every day around midnight, I'm shocked to find out it's only 6 pm. --Submitted by INRITH
Recreating Famous Painting With Anything You Can Find of the Week:
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps. --Submitted by bu of ks
Today's Peace of History, November 20, 1945: The International War Crimes Tribunal began in Nuremberg, Germany, and continued until October 1, 1946, establishing that military and political subordinates are responsible for their own actions even if ordered by their superiors.
During my eighth-grade sex education class, no one could answer the question "What happens to a young woman during puberty?" So I rephrased it: "What happens to young women as they mature?" One student answered: "They start to carry a purse." / College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 or they'll send your kid back.
..........I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.........Joe Walsh & the Eagles …...Life's Been Good To Me
Banjos are better than guitars because they burn longer.
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle November 20, 2020, Informed ePistle. Teachers, Treasures, and Taunts Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam: Science is the one human activity that is truly progressive. The body of positive knowledge is transmitted from generation to generation. ―Edwin Powell Hubble,
Cost of War:
As of 11/19/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,080,258,231,391.
As of 11/12/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,078,294,873,695.
As of 11/19/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,002,689,997,793.
As of 11/12/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,001,355,810,581.
As of 11/19/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $810,181,869,913.
As of 11/12/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $808,504,541,283.
As of 11/19/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $339,768,628,447.
As of 11/12/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $339,387,408,968.
As of 11/19/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,232,899,579,966.
As of 11/12/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,227,543,345,518.
https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/
Peace will never be entirely secure until men everywhere have learned to conquer poverty without sacrificing liberty or security. --Norman Thomas
Famous Last Words: Remember in radio – it's RCA ... Victor --Fran Allison Kulka, Fran, & Ollie sign off
Why are all those banjo jokes so darned simple? That's so bass players can understand them too.
..........Got myself hung up on you.........Joe Walsh & the James Gang …..Walk Away
Seen outside a professor's door at Georgetown College: "Psychology 376: Dying, Grieving, and Coping. Take for your major or minor, or as a fun elective." / As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools
May Peace inform your doings
And Joy school your restings
prairie mama
christine
Last Laugh:
Submitted by INRITH
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