Sacral ePistle

 Famous First Words: Roll Up Roll Up ..The Beatles Magical Mystery Tour

It's National Bible Week (22-29) Where was Solomon's temple? On the side of his head. / Noah was a great financier. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

..........middle of the afternoon..........Eddie Rabbit …..Early in the Morning

I believe in social dislocation and creative trouble. --Bayard Rustin, founder of Southern Christian Leadership Conference

It is a cold (36°F), but sunny morning. The willow branches are swaying gently in a northern breeze and there is not a cloud to be seen in the pale blue sky. Bruno is checking the perimeter of his yard and Puck is asleep in a chair in the other room. As the sun rises the shadow of a pergola moves down the side of Bruno's house like a horizontal ladder. I can hear no birdsong from inside my room, just the hum of the computer and the click of the keys. Our thanksgiving was quiet and wonderful. Kirsten, my daughter from Seattle is in town against all advise. Yesterday we zoomed for a while with 18 people in 4 states and 8 or 9 locations. It was fun. We didn't try to eat on zoom – just visited. Max and Ollie were there – looking cute – and according to their grandma, very smart also. Today we are having boiled shrimp, stuffed mushrooms, and home cooked hush puppies. Ahhhh. Hope you too had a Thanksgiving worth being thankful for...

May your weekend give you a chance to relax and digest, ePistliers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I just read a list of “100 Things To Do Before You Die”... I was quite surprised that “Yell for help” wasn't one of them. – Submitted by FNOG

Judging from his net income Peter was a poor man. / Adam won the gold medal from being first in the human race.

..........if you can just get your mind together.........Jimi Hendrix …..Are You Experienced

Trivia Questions: It's National Flossing Day

^ How much floss do you need for one tooth brushing session?

^^ Any idea what the 2 types of floss are?

^^^About what percentage of your tooth is cleaned by flossing?

^^^^ Why might you use waxed floss?

^^^^^ Care to guess how much floss is used in the US each year?

Big Hello: min-ga-la-ba – Burmese https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm This is what it looks like in the Burmese alphabet: မဂႆလာပၝ . It reminds me of Gallifreyan.

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's better to have your nose in a book, than in someone else's business. --Adam Stanley --Submitted by ss of mo

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 60% of librarians are exhibiting signs of new conference tote bag withdrawal. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Samson was such a great comedian he brought the house down. / I have a friend who says he only believes 12.5% of the Bible. He calls himself an eighth theist.

..........Way up in my tree I'm sitting by my fire.........Jimi Hendrix …..Gypsy Eyes

Moonbeam: The mere attempt to examine my own confusion would consume volumes. --James Agee

Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: Pumpkin

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Singing in the shower is great until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it's just a soap opera. --Submitted by sw of ks

Week of the Week: National Game & Puzzle Week (22-28) --Video games ruined my life. Good thing I have two extra lives. / Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in only 3 moves.

The Holy Bible is proven to be 100% accurate especially when thrown a close range. / Trump's twitter is like the Bible, both believers and nonbelievers read it to reinforce their views.

..........the unbroken pieces of yesterday's life.........Jimi Hendrix …..The Wind Cries Mary

^ To floss properly, you need to use between 18 and 20 inches of floss. This helps ensure that you have enough clean floss to use, and that it is firmly grasped while in use.

Almanac: It is Friday, November 27, 2020. The moon will be full next Monday and is in Taurus. It is National Craft Jerky Day and Sinkie Day. Because it is the Friday after Thanksgiving it is also Black Friday, Buy Nothing Day, Flossing Day, Fur Free Friday, Maize Day, National Day of Listening, National Native American Heritage Day, Random Acts of Kindness Friday, and You're Welcome-giving Day.

Among those born on this day were Anders Celsius (1701), Julius Benedict (1804), Charles Scott Sherrington (1857), James Agee (1909), David Merrick (1912), Alexander Dubcek (1921), Bruce Lee (1940), Jimi Hendrix (1942), Eddie Rabbit (1944), Jayne Kennedy (1951), and Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg (1957).

On November twenty-seventh Krakow, Poland was declared a free republic (1815), the American Statistical Association was organized (1839), the NY Times declared baseball The National Game (1870), the first driving permit was issued (1889), Pins and Needles, a musical produced by International Ladies Garment Workers Union, opened (1937), the army withdrew from Little Rock, AR, after Central High School was integrated (1957), Magical Mystery Tour was released (1967), Soviet Mars2 crashed on the surface (1971), and the Undertaker beat Hulk Hogan to become the new WWE (then WWF) champion (1991).

Night Sky, 11/27: This evening the bright, almost-full Moon shines between Aldebaran below it and the Pleiades above it. Off to their left, bright Capella looks on. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Max Picture of the Week: Chef Max decorating Christmas Cookies

This Week: Saturday, November 28 – International Aura Awareness Day & Small Business Saturday

Sunday, November 29 – Electronic Greetings Day & Square Dancing Day

Monday, November 30 – Cider Monday & National Mason Jar Day & Stay Home Because You're Well Day

Night Sky, 11/30: Penumbral Lunar Eclipse: Visible throughout North America. I have the times for Lawrence – you'll have to extrapolate your local time. Eclipse begins 1:32 am Maximum at 3:43 am Ends at 4:43 am. Penumbral Lunar Eclipse on November 29–30, 2020 – Where and When to See (timeanddate.com)

Tuesday, December 1 – Basketball Day & Rosa Parks Day & World Trick Shot Day

Wednesday, December 2 – National Mutt Day & Safety Razor Day & Special Education Day

Thursday, December 3 – Be A Blessing Day & International Baboon Day

The parts of the Bible without Moses are called Mosn't. / The Bible being a best seller around the world is very prophetable.

..........Might even raise a little sand.........Jimi Hendrix …..Voodoo Child

^^ The 2 main types of floss are monofilament and multifilament. Mono-filament is made of plastics and rubber, while multi-filament is mainly composed of nylon and silk.

'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Books: Your best defense against unwanted conversation.

Moonbeam: The brain is waking and with it the mind is returning. It is as if the Milky Way entered upon some cosmic dance. Swiftly the head mass becomes an enchanted loom where millions of flashing shuttles weave a dissolving pattern, always a meaningful pattern though never an abiding one; a shifting harmony of subpatterns. -- Charles Scott Sherrington

Second-Cousin-Once-Removed of 'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: What's the difference between Hanukkah and a dragon? One last eight days the other last ate knights.

Late Night Snacks of the Week: Rudy Giuliani is filing a last ditch legal claim that our current president’s legal name has always been Joe Biden --Stephen Colbert / It’s a real CrackerJack team of attorneys he put together here, in that he appears to actually have found them in boxes of CrackerJacks. --Jimmy Kimmel

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie...like totally ready for Thanksgiving dinner

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: This is the great thing because just as you heard Bill say, the Moderna vaccine - the new, even more effective one that came out this week - the research into it was funded in part by Dolly Parton. She donated a million dollars - plus, of course, a sample of her own blood, which can heal any problem from COVID to your truck breaking down or your dog dying. And it's such a great story. We should be thankful that we live in America, which funds its health care system by making life so miserable for so many people that some of them grow up to become country music superstars who sing about their problems and then donate that money to help make vaccines. Beat that, Bernie Sanders.--Peter Sagal Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me 11/21

I'm sick and tired of black and white people of good intent giving aspirin to a society that is dying of a cancerous disease. --Ralph Abernathy, founder of SCLC

Moses was a biker; the Bible says “And lo, the roar of Moses' triumph was heard throughout Israel”. / The Bible has so many fantastic stories. It's unbelievable.

..........And I'm tryin' to get on the other side of town.........Jimi Hendrix …..Crosstown Traffic

^^^ If you don't floss, you miss cleaning 35% of your tooth surface.

Worthless Fact of the Week: The average human body carries the same number of bacterial cells as human cells. Scientists Bust Myth That Our Bodies Have More Bacteria Than Human Cells - Scientific American

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You've got more loose screws than a hardware store in an earthquake. --Submitted by gd of nm

Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When a kid says, “Daddy, I want mommy” that's the kid version of “I'd like to speak to your supervisor.” – Submitted by #RHOZ

Weird Word of the Week: Tappen – The plug by which the rectum of a bear is closed during hibernation. Weird And Wonderful Words | Lexico

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Store screws, nuts, and bolts. Organize nuts, bolts, drill bits, nails, washers, and screws in the workshop. Ziploc® Storage Bags: Wacky Uses

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The definition of insanity is counting the same votes over and over and expecting a different result.

There's a new cult that burns pages from the bible and shoots the ashes up with a syringe; I think that's taking the Lord's name in vein./ Do you think the two tablets God gave to Moses were Xanax?

...........I know what I want.........Jimi Hendrix ….Manic Depression

^^^^ Waxed floss is easier to slide between closely spaced teeth. If your teeth are very close together, we suggest flossing with thin waxed floss.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Do y'all think he will pardon the entire turkey this year or just the white meat? Asking for a friend. --Submitted by ss of mo

Science Fiction Joke of the Week: How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb? All of them

Actual Science Joke of the Week: What does a subatomic duck say? Quark

Quote of the Week: He was so learned that he could name a horse in nine languages – so ignorant that he bought a cow to ride on. --Benjamin Franklin

If the Bible was so successful why is there no Bible 2? / My Grandma had a Bible for the blind. We called it her Holy Braille.

..........No reason to get excited.........Jimi Hendrix …..All Along the Watchtower

^^^^^ Over three million miles of dental floss is purchased in North America each year.

Month of the Week: November is Sweet Potato Awareness Month --We transport our sweet potatoes to market on Yam Trak. / Sweet potatoes sleep in their yammies.

Recreating Famous Painting With Anything You Can Find of the Week:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: In the bathtub of history the truth is harder to hold than the soap and much more difficult to find. --Terry Pratchett

Today's Peace of History, November 27, 1967: Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. announced the formation of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference’s Poor People’s Campaign, a movement to broadly address economic inequalities with nonviolent direct action. "It must not be just black people," argued King, "it must be all poor people. We must include American Indians, Puerto Ricans, Mexicans, and even poor whites."

The thief that stole my diary and my Bible died today. My thoughts and prayers are with his family. / How is Pi (π) like the Bible. Most people think that one of them has a proven value while the other is irrational.

..........'Scuse me while I kiss the sky.........Jimi Hendrix …..Purple Haze

Masthead of the Week: Friday November 27, 2020: Sacral ePistle Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Serenity, Slapstick, and Sacrilege Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: You can crush the flowers, but you can't stop the spring. --Alexander Dubcek

Cost of War:

As of 11/26/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,082,226,087,687.

As of 11/19/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,080,258,231,391.

As of 11/26/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,004,027,363,515.

As of 11/19/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,002,1689,997,793.

As of 11/26/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $811,862,844,570.

As of 11/19/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $810,181,869,913.

As of 11/26/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $340,150,628,403.

As of 11/19/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $339,768,628,447.

As of 11/26/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,238,267,794,475.

As of 11/19/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,232,899,579,966.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

You have to be prepared to die before you can begin to live. --Fred Shuttlesworth, founder of SCLC

Famous Last Words: Love is all you need --Beatles final song on the Magical Mystery Tour album.

..........It 's such a beautiful sight.........Eddie Rabbitt …..I Love a Rainy Night

The ark was three stories but only the top one had a window for light. The other two levels used flood lights. / Award for Greatest Sinner in the Bible: Moses he broke all ten commandments at once,

May Peace calm your heart

And Joy rouse your soul

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Submitted by #RHOZ

Informed ePistle

 Famous First Words: Jetzt, schätzchen (at last, my idol) --Beethoven Fidelio ~~Another translator says it means: Now, honey

It is American Education Week! My daughter received this email from a prospective student prior to the start of the semester: “Dear Professor, I won’t be able to come to any of your classes or meet for any of the tests. Is this a problem?” —Carol Harper / Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge. --Mark Twain

What's the difference between a banjo and... a chain saw has a more dynamic range.

..........When the wind is strummin' a sagebrush guitar..........Judy Canova …..Along the Navajo Trail

I'd rather see America save her soul than her face. --Norman Thomas

It is a warmish (54°F) Friday morning. The sky is smeared with clouds leaving only small patches of blue amid curly gray and white. There is no breeze to move the branches of the bare trees so the back yard looks like a painting not a movie. Both Puck and Bruno are inside not adding movement to the scene. Spirited birdsong can be heard but no birds can be seen. It smells of fall, of damp leaves and dying foliage...the very opposite of flowers. So I return indoors to my cup of decaf which I lovingly doctor with sweetener and cream. Now I sit thinking of how pleasant the morning is and how much better it will be when I write to you.

Hope your weekend is safe and sound wherever you go, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There should be a horror movie where Waldo finds you. --Submitted by Thunder Dungeon (TD)

The homework assignment for my Spanish class was to write a paragraph. When I returned their papers, I asked one student if he had used Google Translate or any other online translator to write his paper. He categorically denied doing so. That led to my next question: “Then why is this in French?”. / I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. --Woody Allen

What's the difference between a banjo and...you can tune a Harley Davidson

..........Fill my heart with song.........Kaye Ballard …..In Other Words

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to president-elect Joe R. Biden.

^ Do you know his full name?

^^ Know anything about his very early life?

^^^ Where did his childhood nickname “Joe Impedimenta” come from?

^^^^ What high school did Joe work to attend?

^^^^^ Any idea to what office was Joe first elected?

Big Hello: Zdravehte- Bulgarian https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup on top of my car. Now everyone waves at me. --Submitted by ss of mo

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 12% of librarian's first word was 'cardigan'. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Just before the final exam in my college finance class, a less-than-stellar student approached me. “Can you tell me what grade I would need to get on the exam to pass the course?” he asked. I gave him the bad news. “The exam is worth 100 points. You would need 113 points to earn a D.” “OK,” he said. “And how many points would I need to get a C?” --Aimee Prawitz / Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. --Garry Trudeau

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion... no one cries when you cut up a banjo

..........We ain't fakin'.........Jerry Lee Lewis …..Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On ~~This is the first song that was played on American Bandstand – in honor of Dick Clark's birthday

Moonbeam: Knowledge and liberty are so prevalent in this country, that I do not believe that the United States would ever be disposed to establish one religious sect, and lay all others under legal disabilities. But as we know not what may take place hereafter, and any such test would be exceedingly injurious to the rights of free citizens, I cannot think it altogether superfluous to have added a clause, which secures us from the possibility of such oppression. --Oliver Wolcott

Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: Fall trees

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Proposition: from this day forward instead of saying “between a rock and a hard place” we say “Between a dildo shop and a crematorium”.

Week of the Week: Medical Cannabis Week (16-20) –Medical Marijuana because laughter is the best medicine. / The next person to mention medical marijuana to me better actually have some.

Student: I don’t understand why my grade was so low. How did I do on my research paper? Teacher: Actually, you didn’t turn in a research paper. You turned in a random assemblage of sentences. In fact, the sentences you apparently kidnapped in the dead of night and forced into this violent and arbitrary plan of yours clearly seemed to be placed on the pages against their will. Reading your paper was like watching unfamiliar, uncomfortable people interacting at a cocktail party that no one wanted to attend in the first place. You didn’t submit a research paper. You submitted a hostage situation. / Absolute Zero: The lowest grade attainable on a test.

What's the difference between a banjo and... you have to take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

..........I just want to get to the song.........Dick Smothers …..Boil That Cabbage Down

^ Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. is an American politician and the president-elect of the United States.

Almanac: It is Friday, November 20, 2020. The moon will be in the first quarter tomorrow and is in Aquarius. The United Nations has designated this as Africa Industrialization Day (A/RES/44/237). It is also Name Your Computer Day, National Peanut Butter Fudge Day, Transgender Day of Remembrance, and Universal Children's Day. In Mexico it is Revolution Day (1910). World wide it is Globally Organized Hug A Runner Day aka G.O.H.A.R.D and Rights of the Child Day.

Among those born on this day were Peregrine White (aboard the Mayflower, 1620), Oliver Wolcott (1726), Selma Lagerlof (1858), Daniel Gregory Mason (1873), Norman Thomas (1884), Edwin Hubble (1889), Fran Allison (1907), Judy Canova (1916), Gene Tierney (1920), Robert Kennedy (1927), Kaye Ballard (1926), Estelle Parsons (1927), Dick Clark (1929), Richard Dawson (1932), Dick Smothers (1939), Joseph R. Biden (1942), Norman Greenbaum (1942), Duane Allman (1946), Joe Walsh (1947), and Bo Derek (1956).

On November twentieth Edward I was proclaimed King of England (1272), New Jersey became the first state to ratify the Bill of Rights (1789), Fidelio opened in Vienna (1805), Howard University was founded (1866), the timecard clock was patented (1888), the first municipally owned airport opened (Tucson, 1919), commercial teletype service began (1931), Meet the Press made its network debut (1947), the Cuban blockade was lifted (1962), the first solar-powered flight was made (Ptacek, 1980), and the World Health Organization began a global effort to combat AIDS (1986).

Night Sky, 11/20: Whenever Fomalhaut is "southing" (crossing the meridian due south, which it does around 7 pm. this week), the first stars of Orion are just about to rise above the east horizon for skywatchers in the world's mid-northern latitudes. And, the Pointers of the Big Dipper stand upright low due north, straight below Polaris. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Max Picture of the Week: Max the Popcorn Man at family movie night.

This Week: Saturday, November 21 – World Hello Day & National Adoption Day & World Television Day

Sunday, November 22 – Do Dah Day & Humane Society Day & National Family Pajama Night

Night Sky, 11/22: The bowl of the Little Dipper descends in the evening at this time of year, left or lower left of Polaris. By about 11 p.m. it hangs straight down from Polaris.

Monday, November 23 – Dr Who Day & Fibonacci Day & National Espresso Day

Tuesday, November 24 – Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day

Wednesday, November 25 – International Hat Day & National Play With Dad Day & Tie One On Day

Night Sky, 11/25: As dawn brightens Mercury is still nicely visible in the east-southeast. Look for it lower left of Venus. Next week it will descend from sight down to the dawn horizon.

Thursday, November 26 - Thanksgiving

I’m now in high school, so when I ran into my third-grade teacher, I doubted she would remember me. “Hi, Miss Butcher,” I said. “Hi, Eddie,” she replied. “So you do remember me?” I asked. “Sure. You don’t always leave a good impression, but it is a lasting one.” --Edward McMurray / Bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats if you get 'em laminated.

How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? 5 – one to screw it in and 4 to complain that it's electric.

..........You were in the chocolate and you yelled “fire”.........Dick Smothers …..Chocolate

^^ Joe grew up in the blue-collar city of Scranton in northeast Pennsylvania. His father, Joseph Biden Sr., worked cleaning furnaces and as a used car salesman. His mother was Catherine Eugenia "Jean" Finnegan. Biden attended St. Paul's Elementary School in Scranton. In 1955, when he was 13 years old, the family moved to Mayfield, Delaware—a rapidly growing middle-class community sustained primarily by the nearby DuPont chemical company.

'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I saw a lady at the grocery store today take her mask off to read a label. --Submitted by ay of ca

Moonbeam: Never repeat a rumor before you have verified it. And if it is true, hold your tongue all the more. --Selma Lagerlӧf

Late Night Snacks of the Week: It’s like cracking open A Tale of Two Cities and stopping after ‘it was the best of times.’ --Seth Meyers / No one expected Trump to immediately, cheerfully accept the results, He’s incapable of cheerfully accepting anything apart from blowjobs, Nazi endorsements, and the opportunity to scream inside a stranger’s truck, --John Oliver / It is interesting how now all the Trump supporters are suddenly OK with protesting and blocking traffic. How quickly their attitudes have changed. I bet we’re only three months away from them kneeling at football games like, "I will not stand for the anthem of a country that does not support my Maga-ness" --Trevor Noah. /... the digital equivalent of waking up to find grandpa screaming on the lawn in his underwear. You can’t give him a standard mental cognition test because the first question is ‘Who is the president? --Stephen Colbert

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie watches the shadows as dusk descends.

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The terrible, fake Irish accents that are apparently in the new movie "Wild Mountain Thyme," at least judging from its trailer. I will quote the Irish Times film critic Donald Clark. (Imitating Irish accent) "What in the name of Holy Bejaysus and all the suffering saints...Is this benighted cowpat?" --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me 11/14/20

How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? 5 – one to screw it in and four to lament how much they miss the old one.

He who would save liberty must put his trust in democracy. --Norman Thomas

“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” the teacher instructed her second-grade student. “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant,” he answered. “Umm … Do you know what pregnant means?” “Yes,” said the boy. “It means carrying a child.” --Earl B. Child, Roy, Utah / They say you never forget your first school teacher, I had mine like 4 years in a row… I was dating her by the time I got out of that joint.

How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? 5 – one to screw it in and four to ask what tuning is being used.

..........I'm gonna go to the place that's the best.........Norman Greenbaum …..Spirit in the Sky

^^^ As a child, Biden struggled with a stutter. He eventually overcame his speech impediment by memorizing long passages of poetry and reciting them out loud in front of the mirror.

Worthless Fact of the Week: Despite all the attention it gets and how important it is to our daily lives, gravity is actually the weakest of the universe’s four fundamental forces. Even though it sounds surprising, it makes sense when we remember our own ability to thwart gravity’s plans. Every time you pick up or catch an object using your own strength, you’re defeating gravity.

Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It took “Click it or Ticket” to get people to wear a seat belt. I wonder if “Mask it or Casket” might work? --Submitted by sb of ar

Weird Word of the Week: Screenager: a person in their teens or twenties with an aptitude for using computers and the internet. https://www.lexico.com/explore/weird-and-wonderful-words

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Store jigsaw puzzles. Keep all the pieces in a Ziploc Storage Bag so you never lose that one pivotal piece of the puzzle again. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/ziploc.html

"How do you spell toad?" one of my first-grade students asked. "We just read a story about a toad," I said, then helped him spell it out: "T-O-A-D." Satisfied, he finished writing the story he'd begun, then read it aloud: "I toad my mama I wanted a dog for my birthday." / Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

...........And I don't own the clothes I'm wearing.........Duane & Gregg Allman …..Midnight Ride

How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? 5 – one to screw it in and four to argue what year it was made.

^^^^ Biden attended the St. Helena School until he gained acceptance into the prestigious Archmere Academy. Although he had to work by washing the school windows and weeding the gardens to help his family afford tuition, Biden had long dreamed of attending the school, which he called "the object of my deepest desire, my Oz." At Archmere, Biden was a solid student and, despite his small size, a standout receiver on the football team. "He was a skinny kid," his coach remembered, "but he was one of the best pass receivers I had in 16 years as a coach." Biden graduated from Archmere in 1961.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Dear people that complain about Christmas music being played too early, I don't see y'all writing any Thanksgiving bangers. --Submitted by #RHOZ

Science Fiction Joke of the Week: Steampunk is nothing more than what happens when Goths discover brown. --Charles Stross

Actual Science Joke of the Week: The Unjust Salary Theorem asserts that scientists can never earn as much as sales people. This theorem is proved as follows. Start by using the physics formula: Power = Work / Time. Now you probably have heard that Knowledge is Power and Time is Money. Substitute these tautologies into the formula for power to obtain: Knowledge = Work/Money. Solving for Money, one finds: Money = Work / Knowledge. Therefore, the less you know, the more you make.

Quote of the Week: If we want security, let us give security. If we want life, let us give life. If we want opportunities, let us provide opportunities. --Pope Francis

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If the legal gathering size gets any smaller, I'ma need someone to come get a few of these kids.... -_Submitted by #RHOZ

A month after Donald MacDonald started at Harvard, his mother called from Scotland. "And how are the American students, Donald?" she asked. "They’re so noisy," he complained. "One neighbor endlessly bangs his head against the wall, while another screams all night." "How do you put up with it?" "I just ignore them and play my bagpipes." / I took a physics course that was so hard I couldn't find the classroom.

.........let that mean woman make me a fool.........Duane & Gregg Allman …..Whipping Post

How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? 5 – one to screw it in and four to stand around a watch.

^^^^^ After graduating from law school in 1968, Biden moved to Wilmington, Delaware to begin practicing at a law firm. He also became an active member of the Democratic Party, and in 1970 he was elected to the New Castle County Council. While serving as councilman, in 1971, Biden started his own law firm.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Every day around midnight, I'm shocked to find out it's only 6 pm. --Submitted by INRITH

Recreating Famous Painting With Anything You Can Find of the Week:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps. --Submitted by bu of ks

Today's Peace of History, November 20, 1945: The International War Crimes Tribunal began in Nuremberg, Germany, and continued until October 1, 1946, establishing that military and political subordinates are responsible for their own actions even if ordered by their superiors.

During my eighth-grade sex education class, no one could answer the question "What happens to a young woman during puberty?" So I rephrased it: "What happens to young women as they mature?" One student answered: "They start to carry a purse." / College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 or they'll send your kid back.

..........I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.........Joe Walsh & the Eagles …...Life's Been Good To Me

Banjos are better than guitars because they burn longer.

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle November 20, 2020, Informed ePistle. Teachers, Treasures, and Taunts Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: Science is the one human activity that is truly progressive. The body of positive knowledge is transmitted from generation to generation. ―Edwin Powell Hubble,

Cost of War:

As of 11/19/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,080,258,231,391.

As of 11/12/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,078,294,873,695.

As of 11/19/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,002,689,997,793.

As of 11/12/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,001,355,810,581.

As of 11/19/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $810,181,869,913.

As of 11/12/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $808,504,541,283.

As of 11/19/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $339,768,628,447.

As of 11/12/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $339,387,408,968.

As of 11/19/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,232,899,579,966.

As of 11/12/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,227,543,345,518.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Peace will never be entirely secure until men everywhere have learned to conquer poverty without sacrificing liberty or security. --Norman Thomas

Famous Last Words: Remember in radio – it's RCA ... Victor --Fran Allison Kulka, Fran, & Ollie sign off

Why are all those banjo jokes so darned simple? That's so bass players can understand them too.

..........Got myself hung up on you.........Joe Walsh & the James Gang …..Walk Away

Seen outside a professor's door at Georgetown College: "Psychology 376: Dying, Grieving, and Coping. Take for your major or minor, or as a fun elective." / As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools

May Peace inform your doings

And Joy school your restings

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

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gElastic ePistle

Famous First Words: Zilah, one of the prizes... Opening line The Shiek

Did you hear that Xerox and Wurlitzer are merging? They are going to manufacture a reproductive organ. /
Computers can never completely replace humans. They may become capable of artificial intelligence, but they will never master real stupidity.

..........There's more to see than can ever been seen..........Rafiki & Company …..The Circle of Life

In the year 1840, the year of the organization of the Liberty Party, about 230 anti-slavery votes were cast in this county....

It is a cool (34°F), sunny Friday morning. The ePistle is late because I had a doctor appointment this morning. I have lost 19 pounds. I thought I had lost 6 or 8, but it was 19 and that's all I need to know to make this a great day. Hope you get wonderful news today too.

Hope your weekend gives you fun that is funny, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Britain is responsible for Independence Day celebrations in 63 countries. --Submitted by FNOG

Did you ever hear about the Norwegian who loved his wife so much he almost told her? / I got an A in philosophy last semester by proving that my professor doesn't exist.

From the year that brought you “8 months of March”, welcome to Tuesday, Part 4.

..........Plus a hint of sycophancy on the side.........Zazu, Simba, & Mufasa …..The Morning Report

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to the National Bowling Association !

^ Of the ten pins, which one is the kingpin?

^^ Know how many feet it is from the foul line to the head pin?

^^^ What is the average weight of a bowling ball?

^^^^ Any idea where the National Bowling Stadium is located?

^^^^^ Who won the 2019 PBA National Championship?

Big Hello: Salud – Breton (France) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Secular Confectionist: I don't believe in a deity, but I faithfully observe all holidays that involve baked goods or candy. --Submitted by llr of ks

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: Every library has at least one cardigan that appears on the back of random chairs but belongs to no one. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

A pickle walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, you're a pickle! What are you doing here?" The pickle says, "Well for starters, I'm celebrating the fact that I can walk." / A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. He told the bartender that the newt's name was Tiny. "Why?" asks the bartender. "Because he's my newt!" replied the man.

Finally! I get the “sleepy Joe” meaning. We elect Biden. We get some sleep.

..........mama wele le hay.........Lionesses …..The Lioness Hunt

Moonbeam: An unjust law is no law at all. --Augustine of Hippo

Naturally Occurring Mandala of the Week: Apple Pie

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Imagine how much sound a centipede would make if it wore tiny flip flops. --Submitted by INRITH

Week of the Week: National Split Pea Soup Week (9-14) --What's the difference between split pea soup and roast beef? Anyone can roast beef. It's much harder to pee soup.

An elephant and a giraffe were walking through the jungle when the elephant saw a turtle sitting on a log. He said, "Hey, you're the same turtle who bit me 45 years ago." And he kicked the turtle and it flew a hundred feet and bounced off a tree and into the river. And the giraffe said, "Wow, you've got quite a memory" and the elephant said, "I have turtle recall." / What do you get if you cross a Jehovah's Witness and a Unitarian: Someone who goes around knocking on doors but isn't sure why. / Intelligence is like four-wheel drive. It only allows you to get stuck in more remote places.

My wife and I dined on lame duck ala orange last night. It was both timely and delicious.

..........When you're so edible..........Shenzi, Banzai, Ed, & Company …..Chow Down

^ The 5 pin is considered the kingpin because it is surrounded or protected by all the other pins.

Almanac: It is Friday, November 13, 2020. The moon will be new on Sunday and is in Scorpio. It is World Kindness Day. In Grenada and New Zealand it is Remembrance Day and in Laos they celebrate the King's Birthday.

Among those born on this day were Augustine of Hippo (354), Edward III (1312), Edwin Booth (1822), Joseph F. Smith (1838), Robert Louis Stevenson (1850), Louis Brandeis (1856), Robert Sterling (1917), Madeleine Sherwood (1922), Oskar Werner (1922), Richard Mulligan (1932), Joe Mantegna (1947), and Whoopi Goldberg (1949).

On November thirteenth Oliver Wendel Holmes published "Old Ironsides" (1830), the Liberty Party convened (US first anti-slavery party, 1839), Mt, Rainier erupted (1843), the PT Barnum New American museum opened (1865), the American Philological Association and the National Bowling Association were organized (1875), The Sheik with Valentino was released (1921), Hattie Caraway (D-AK) was appointed the first US female senator (1931), the first modern "sit down" strike in the US (Hormel, 1933) took place, Fantasia was released (1940), the draft age was lowered from 21 to 18 (1942), the supreme court struck down segreation on public transportation (1956), and the Vietnam War Memorial was dedicated (DC, 1982).

Night Sky, 11/13: Spot Altair high in the southwest soon after dark. Brighter Vega shines three or four fists to its right. Two distinctive little constellations lurk above Altair: Delphinus the Dolphin, hardly more than a fist at arm's length to its upper left, and smaller, fainter Sagitta the Arrow, slightly less far to Altair's upper right. Sky too bright? Use binoculars! http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Max Picture of the Week: Artist Max and his Clay

This Week: Saturday, November 14 – Diwali & Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day & World Diabetes Day

Sunday, November 15 – America Recycles Day & I Love To Write Day

Night Sky, 11/15: Draw a line from Altair to Vega, continue the line onward by half as far, and you hit the Lozenge: the pointy-nosed head of Draco, the Dragon. Its brightest star is orange Eltanin, the tip of the Dragon's nose, always pointing toward Vega.

Monday, November 16 – International Day for Tolerance & National Button Day

Night Sky, 11/16: Leonids Meteor Storm: up to 15/hour, midnight to dawn.

Tuesday, November 17 – Homemade Bread Day & Parents Day & National Unfriend Day

Wednesday, November 18 – Mickey Mouse Day & National Princess Day

Night Sky, 11/18: Jupiter and Saturn tilt down in the west-southwest during and after twilight. Get your telescope on them early, even in twilight, before they sink lower toward the southwest. But don't expect much.

Thursday, November 19 – Equality Opportunity Day & Great American Smokeout & International Men's Day

Viagra stolen. It’s in the news. Hardened criminals on the loose. / Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we've gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota.

This will not be a peaceful transition. Anyone who has had to pull a toddler out of Chucky Cheese knows this. --Submitted by pj of ks

..........meticulous planning, tenacity spanning.........Scar, Shenzi, Banzai, Ed, & Company …..Be Prepared

^^ Ten-pin bowling lanes are 60 feet from the foul line to the center of the head pin.

'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sadly, my universal remote control does not control the universe, not even remotely. --Submitted by INRITH

Moonbeam: If we desire respect for the law, we must first make the law respectable. --Louis Brandeis

Late Night Snacks of the Week: Now, my blood pressure is within normal range – for a truck tire. You could roll my aorta over a gravel road, I wouldn’t feel a bump. --Stephen Colbert / It is genuinely hard to overstate the level of relief that has been flying around parts of this country, especially at the end of a truly draining week of constant electoral map news coverage that was basically the equivalent of watching security footage of a Best Buy for four straight days. --John Oliver / Why would the Democrats have cheated and stolen the presidency but given up the Senate and House seats on the same ballot? Are we supposed to believe there’s a universe in which Nancy Pelosi could’ve sent Mitch McConnell back to the exotic pets store he came from and she chose not to? --Jimmy Kimmel

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie and the Great Green Bubble Bath

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Of the platypus, one thing I know. They lay eggs. But to mammals, they grow. But now here's a write-up that they also light up. Just turn off the light, and they glow. New research shows that the fur of the platypus glows green and blue under UV light. They theorize that the glow might help these nocturnal animals in low-light conditions such as raves. Now, last year, the same team of researchers discovered biofluorescence in flying squirrels, yet another triumph for the Northland College Department of Shining a Black Light on Everything. ...There should be a house music DJ named Platypus. Do we have that or no? --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 11/77/20

I saw now, for the first time, and I was surprised that I had not seen it before, that no National party in this country, whether ecclesiastical or political, is, so long as the system of American slavery endures, to be trusted on the question of slavery.

How many consultants does it take to change a lightbulb? I’ll have an estimate for you a week from Monday. / How many pessimists does it take to change a lightbulb? Never mind. Nobody would get the joke anyway.

Live your life in such a way that the entire planet doesn't dance in the street when you lose your job.

..........yona, yona, yona..........The Company …..The Stampede

^^^ Bowling balls weights range from 6 to 16 lbs. Men tend to have 12-16 lb bowling balls and women average 10-14 lbs.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A Catholic, a woman of color, a teacher, and a Jew walk into the White House with a rescue dog... Submitted by gr of oh

Worthless Fact of the Week: DNA is the blueprint of a human being, and its strands contain the code that determines everything about who you are. All humans share 99.9% of their DNA. You had better hope you get a 0.1% that you like, because everything about who you are as an individual depends on it. http://www.genomenewsnetwork.org/resources/whats_a_genome/Chp4_1.shtml

Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Kids really overestimate how much parents want to guess things.

Weird Word of the Week: Shavetail – A Newly commissioned officer or any inexperienced person (US Military Slang) https://www.lexico.com/explore/weird-and-wonderful-words

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Make potpourri. Collect dried roses, juniper sprigs, tiny pine cones, strips of orange rind, bay leaves, cinnamon sticks, whole cloves, and allspice berries. Mix a few drops of rose, cinnamon, and balsam oils with orris root (available at your local crafts store). Add all ingredients and seal in a Ziploc Storage Bag for a few weeks to mellow, turning the bag occasionally. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/ziploc.html

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Remember when there used to be all these articles about how people in Europe live longer than Americans because they drink red wine and eat more olive oil or bullshit like that? Turns out it was universal healthcare the whole time. --Submitted by llr of ks

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car.\ James Brown goes to the pearly gates and meets St. Peter who takes him to a room where Jerry Garcia is playing with Jimi Hendricks and Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin is looking at sheet music. James Brown says, “I was worried maybe I was going to hell, but I guess not.” Jerry Garcia says “You think this is heaven?” Just then Lawrence Welk walks in and says “All right, one more time. ‘The Anniversary Waltz.’ And a one and two… …

Mike Pence should be quite relieved that he doesn't have to be forced to talk to women anymore. --Submitted by bm of mo

...........It's a problem free philosophy..........Timon, Pumbaa, Young Simba, Simba, and Ensemble …..Hakuna Matata

^^^^ The National Bowling Stadium is a 363,000 square foot ten-pin bowling stadium in Reno, NV. It is recognizable for an 80 ft aluminum geodesic dome in its facade built to resemble a large bowling ball.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Just remember: You never want to be the one who was born on second base but thinks he hit a triple. --Submitted by mgs of ks

Science Fiction Joke of the Week: What's ET short for? So he can fit in the spaceship.

Actual Science Joke of the Week: Remember kids, the only difference between screwing around and science is writing it down. --Adam Savage Mythbusters

Quote of the Week: My mother would say: “Don't sit around and complain about things. Do something.” So I did something. --Kamala Harris

You know the reason that farts smell is so deaf people can enjoy ‘em as well. / There was a man named Scraggs bought two dozen condoms a week. The drugstore clerk said nothing for months and finally she had to speak. What do you do with all those condoms? It’s simple, said Mr. Scraggs. I feed them to my poodle Now she poops in plastic bags.

The ticket eater at Chuck E Cheese would have counted them ballots already.

..........The leaves have fallen.........Nala and Company …..Shadowland

^^^^^ Ryan Mouw is a 39 year old right hander who won the 2019 bowling championship for the second year in a row.

Month of the Week: National Pomegranate Month – Pomegranate is not a fruit; it's a task. / What do you call a hand made of stone. A pomegranate

Recreating Famous Painting With Anything You Can Find of the Week: Mona Lisa by Artist Max

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Procaffeinating (n.) the tendency to not start anything until you've had a cup of coffee. --Submitted by llr of ks

Today's Peace of History,November 13, 1956: The US Supreme Court ruled segregation unconstitutional in public transportation. The case, Browder v. Gayle, was brought by four women, Aurelia Browder, Susie McDonald, Claudette Colvin and Mary Louise Smith, who had refused to surrender their bus seats to whites in Montgomery (months before Rosa Parks had done so), and had been arrested for violating Alabama law which required segregation on public buses.

Did you hear about the hurricane that hit New Jersey? It did $11 million worth of improvements. / The drag queen walks into a Catholic church as the priest is coming down the aisle swinging the incense pot. And he says to the priest, “Oh, honey, I love your dress, but did you know your handbag is on fire?”

The human body was not made to expend this much energy thinking about Pennsylvania. --Stephen Colbert

..........It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer.........Timon, Pumbaa, Simba, Nala, & Company …..Can You Feel The Love Tonight

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle November 13, 2020, gElastic ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Peace, puns, and bad jokes. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant. --Robert Louis Stevenson

Cost of War: As of 11/12/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,078,294,873,695.

As of 11/5/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,076,304,103,291.

As of 11/12/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,001,355,810,581.

As of 11/5/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,000,002,870,969.

As of 11/12/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $808,504,541,283.

As of 11/5/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $806,803,699,174.

As of 11/12/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $339,387,408,968.

As of 11/5/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $339,000,856,159.

As of 11/12/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,227,543,345,518.

As of 11/5/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,222,112,294,353.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

We have pursued slavery, hotly and unsparingly, into all its hiding places, whether in the Church or in the State. ~~Today's quotes are from literature written and released by The Liberty Party in 1840.

Famous Last Words: ...into thine hands I commend my spirit. --St. Nicholas, Bishop of Myra (aka Pope Nicholas and Nicholas, the Great) who died on this date in 867 CE

..........When will the dawning break….......Simba & Company …..Endless Night ~~Tonight's songs are from The Lion King musical which opened on Broadway on this date in 1997.

Rumor has it that Alec Baldwin is refusing to leave SNL. --Submitted by sb of ar

I have seen the truth and it makes no sense. / The nice thing about Alzheimer’s, men, You enjoy the same jokes again and again and again and again and again……… --Pretty Good Jokes by Garrison Keillor

May Peace give you song

And Joy make you smile

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: