Famous First Words: To Provide for Annexing the Hawaiian Islands... Newland Resolution 1900
Happy Birthday, US Army! An old army captain leans over to the guy next to him at the bar and asks, "hey, do you want to hear a Marine joke?" The guy responds, "well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I'm 6-foot tall, I weigh 200 pounds, and I'm a Marine." "The guy sitting next to me," he continues, "is 6′ 2″, weighs 250 pounds, and he's also a Marine. Now, you still wanna tell me that joke?" The captain says, "nah, I don't want to have to explain it twice." / How many officers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but they do it from 30 miles away using laser targeting at a cost of $8.3 million.
..........I'm headed for a land that's far away.........Burl Ives …..Big Rock Candy Mountain
If you tremble with indignation at every injustice, then you are a comrade of mine. --Che Guevara
It is a drizzly Friday morning. A gentle rain is falling from the high, gray clouds that are floating gently northward. Puck and Jeff and I are sitting in our room with the back door open instead of walking. We can hear bird chatter coming from the behind the billowing willow branches but no birds are flying about. The patter of rain on the patio table and the cement add to the morning symphony as do distant car motors and the splash-splash from the gutter drain. The world smells of rain and wet concrete. Wind increase brings flowing and darting leaves - some straight and narrow from the willow some fat and gold from an unknown source. Puck sits in the door way keeping an eye on the yard, waiting for, I don't know, perhaps Godot. The rhythm is gentle; it relaxes the body and soothes the soul. I fix myself a cup of sweetened, creamy decaf and sit awhile longer, sipping slowly and watching the morning roll on, roll by, roll right up to your computer.
Hope your weekend pops, everyone
The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker among themselves is because they don't speak the same language. For instance, here's what happens after they secure a building. The Army will post guards around the building. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. The Marines will kill everybody inside and then set up headquarters. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end.
..........Come sit down beside me and hear my sad story.........Burl Ives …..Cowboy's Lament
Trivia Questions: It is World Blood Donor Day!
^ About how much whole blood is given during a donation?
^^ Any idea what platelets are?
^^^ How often are you eligible to donate whole blood?
^^^^ About how long does it take donated blood to reach hospital shelves?
^^^^^ About how much blood is donated in the US anyway?
The One Before the Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I remember when I used to see a bee and go, YIKES a bee! And now I'm all, Oh wow a bee, hi! You ok there? Need anything? Can I get you a drink? A cushion? Wanna borrow the car? --Submitted by ae of mo
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Well, actually, it's only mansplaining if it comes from the Mansplain region of France. Otherwise it's just sparkling misogyny. --Submitted by sb of ar
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: The carpet in the children's department is -17% Cheerio crumbs -13% Goldfish bits -9% mysterious brown splotcheshttps://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
An old veteran walks into a grocery store. Immediately, the cashier stops him and says, "sir, your barracks door is open." At first, he pays zero attention to her because he doesn't live in the barracks. So, he continues shopping until he spots a man stocking some shelves. He tells him what the cashier said and asks what she could've meant. He tells the veteran that his fly is open. After completing his shopping, he goes back to the same cashier and says, "ma'am, you told me my barracks door was open. While you were looking, did you see a Drill Sargent standing at attention, saluting?" / Where do generals keep their armies? In their sleevies, of course.
..........They tell you of the clipper ships a'going in and out.........Burl Ives …..Blow Ye Winds
Moonbeam: The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone. --Harriet Beecher Stowe
Something to Think About of the Week: Pine cone
Big Hello: Sawubona - Swazi https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed. --Submitted by bu of ks
Week of the Week: National Automotive Service Professionals Week (9-15) –I think my mechanic is an antivaxxer. He gave me a bunch of essential oils for my broken car. / At the garage a surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his car. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?" The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So, Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running!"
A Lieutenant addressing his 30 soldiers says, "I have an easy job for the laziest man here. Put your hand up if you are indeed the laziest." Almost immediately, 29 men raise their hands. The senior chief asks the other man, "why didn't you raise your hand?" The soldier replies, "because it was too much trouble, sir." / The Sergeant was upset when her daughter got an A in math; she had obviously spent more time dividing than conquering.
..........A little green frog, doing what he oughter.........Burl Ives …..Little White Duck
^ Whole blood donation generally takes around a pint.
Almanac: It is Friday, June 14, 2019. The moon will be full (Strawberry) on Monday and is in Scorpio. It is World Blood Donor Day (WHO), Pop Goes the Weasel Day, Army's Birthday, Family History Day, Flag Day, Magic Circles Day, and Pause for the Pledge Day. In Afghanistan it is Mother's Day and in Massachusetts it's Children's Day . Finally, in Paraguay it is Chaco Peace Day (1935).
Among those born on this day were Harriet Beecher Stowe (1811), Alois Alzheimer (1864), Burl Ives (1909), Lash La Rue (1917), Dorothy McGuire (1918), Pierre Salinger (1925), Che Guevara (1928), Donald Trump (1946), and Steffi Graf (1969).
On June fourteenth the U.S. Army was founded (1775), Congress replaced the Grand Union Flag with the Stars and Stripes (1777, hence Flag Day), the first Canadian parliament opened (1841), California declared itself a republic (1946), Bunson invented his burner (1947), the player piano was patented (1881), Hawaii became a territory (1900), the Republican National Convention (in KC) nominated Herbert Hoover (1928), ground was broken for the Boeing Plant in Wichita (1941), the Canadian Library Association was established (1946), and the state of Vietnam was formed (1949).
Night Sky, 6/14: Now the bright Moon forms a not-quite-equilateral triangle with Jupiter to its lower left and Antares to its lower right. The triangle is 10° from end to end. Or try zooming in with a phone camera braced rock-steady http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max Picture of the Week: Max meets a possible alien.
This Week: Saturday, June 15 – Native American Citizenship Day & Nature Photographer Day & Prune Day
Sunday, June 16 – Father's Day & Bloomsday & Turkey Lover's Day
Night Sky, 6/16: Mercury (in Gemini) glimmers low in evening twilight. Look for it in the west-northwest about 45 to 60 minutes after sunset. Mars (a mere magnitude +1.8, in Gemini) is upper left of much-brighter Mercury as evening twilight fades away. Saturn (magnitude +0.3, in Sagittarius) rises around the end of twilight. It's the steady, pale yellowish "star" about 30° east of Jupiter
Monday, June 17 – Stewarts Root Beer Day & World Tesselation Day
Tuesday, June 18 – Autistic Pride Day & International Sushi Day & Clark Kent's Birthday
Night Sky, 6/18: Neptune (magnitude 7.9, in Aquarius) is in the east-southeast just before dawn begins, far lower right of the Great Square of Pegasus. Venus (magnitude –3.8) is very low in the dawn. About 20 minutes before sunrise, scan for it with binoculars a little above the east-northeast horizon.
Wednesday, June 19 – Juneteenth & National Watch Day & World Sauntering Day
Thursday, June 20 – Flitch of Bacon Day & American Eagle Day & Bartender Day
The Army football team should change its name to “Opossums” because they play dead at home and get killed on the road. / John refused to join the infantry because he didn't like taking care of babies.
..........Oh, for a life on the rolling sea.........Burl Ives …..The Eddystone Light
^^ Platelets are tiny cells in your blood that form clots and stop bleeding.
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art. --Stanislaw Lec --Submitted by ksz of ks
Moonbeam: Believe me, as one who has seen a number of international crises firsthand, they cannot be handled without an understanding of history. –Pierre Salinger
Late Night Snacks of the Week: Meet Boris Johnson: British politician and stunt double for Jeff Daniels in “Dumb And Dumber. It’s pretty ballsy for Boris to make fun of someone for looking like a Harry Potter character when he looks like a midlife crisis Malfoy. --Trevor Noah / He initially agreed to attend because he thought the D stood for Donald. The only beach Donald Drumpf would storm is spring break in Daytona. --Jimmy Kimmel / Because of these tariffs, Republicans are looking to speak up about it, in an act CNN Politics called “flirting with rebellion”. Flirting with rebellion? That could lead to a dalliance with integrity, maybe making eyes at governance, and then at the Christmas party, a drunken hookup with defending the constitution.” --Stephen Colbert / Equal Rights Amendment: ...80% of us think it's already in the constitution. It's like when you see baking soda at the store, you think I don't need to buy baking soda, I definitely already have baking soda, it's a staple. And then you're get home and you're baking a cake and you reach in the cupboard for baking soda and you realize, f*ck, women still aren't guaranteed equal rights under the constitution. --John Oliver
Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: According to a study out of Australia, there is an excellent chance that human civilization will be over by 2050 - which is silly because human civilization already ended when we started using fried chicken as bread for our sandwiches. You may be wondering how these scientists - who are dead serious, by the way - can be so specific. The world ends precisely in 2050. That's because research has shown the world's warranty expires in 2049. --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me 6/8/19
The true revolutionary is guided by a great feeling of love. --Che Guevara
The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husband’s first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: “Dick, when you’re finished, can you mail back my container?” / The Army football team doesn't have buckets of ice on the sidelines because the guy with the recipe graduated.
..........The owl did hoot and the birds they sang.........Burl Ives …..Froggie Went A-Courtin'
^^^ You need to wait at least 56 days before donating whole blood again.
Worthless Fact of the Week: The only known cause of crop circles is humans. Perhaps one day a mysterious, unknown source will be discovered for crop circles, but until then perhaps they are best thought of as collective public art.
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest so quickly. --Submitted by nm of ks
Wickeder Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: People from states with nice roads may never understand what it's like hitting a pothole so hard that your soul leaves your body for a moment and you feel an obligation to audibly apologize to your car. --Real Housewives of Oz
Obsolete Word of the Week: Elflock – If you have wavy hair and you wake up with it tangled and mangled, that's elflock, as though the elves have tied it into knots during the night. https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/elflock
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Add a shine to your dog's coat. Add a teaspoon of Wesson Vegetable Oil to each food serving.http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wesson.html
The Army coach gave his Army football team a few days off. Several decided to go down to Panama City Beach for fun and relaxation.Coach saw the players the first day back at practice and asked about their vacation. "Not good coach," said the players. "We never made it to the beach." "Why not," the coach asked, "car trouble?" "No," they replied, "every few miles down the interstate we saw signs that said, 'Exit, Clean Restrooms'. You have no idea how many restrooms we cleaned between West Point and Panama City. / The primary mission of the US Marine Corp is to make sure the Army never gets its feet wet.
...........Never place your affections on a green willow tree.........Burl Ives …..On Top Of Old Smoky
^^^^ Blood can take up to 3 days to be tested, processed, and available. The average is 2.5 days.
The One Before Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There should be a whiskey truck that drives around blasting bagpipe music in the evenings and we run out with our money like an ice cream truck, but, you know...with whiskey. --Submitted by gr of oh
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If your religion is worth killing for, please start with yourself.
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Cosplacon 2019 (13-15, Jefferson City, MO) --We Love Anime, We Love Cosplay, We Love Cosplacon.http://cosplacon-mo.squarespace.com/
Actual Science Convention of the Week: Current Psychiatry AACP Focus on Neuropsychiatry (14-15), Washington, DC) New to the program this year are pre-conference Addiction and Medical Cannabis workshops. https://www.globalacademycme.com/conferences/cpaacp-focus-neuropsychiatry/home
Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck who has taking the week off to compete in the Grand National Tanning Championship.
How many West Point plebes does it take to change a light bulb? None, that's a second-years course. / The least favorite month at boot camp is March.
..........Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care.........Burl Ives …..Blue Tail Fly
^^^^^ 4.5 million Americans need transfusions each year. 43,000 pints are donated daily in the US & Canada, so around 43,000 people. Someone needs blood every 2 seconds. Only 37% of the US population is eligible to donate; less than 10% do.
Month of the Week: June is Georgia Blueberry Month –I keep telling my blueberry friends that if they weren't so sweet they wouldn't get into all these jams. How many grams of protein are there in a blueberry pi? 3.14159265
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: My entire life can be described in one sentence: ”Well, that didn't go as planned.” -Submitted by msh of bc
Grammar Joke of the Week: Dr. Dan Streetmentioner's Time Traveler's Handbook of 1001 Tense Formations. It will tell you, for instance, how to describe something that was about to happen to you in the past before you avoided it by time-jumping forward two days in order to avoid it. The event will be described differently according to whether you are talking about it from the standpoint of your own natural time, from a time in the further future, or a time in the further past and is further complicated by the possibility of conducting conversations while you are actually traveling from one time to another... --Douglas Adams The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Today's Peace of History, June 14, 1968: Dr. Benjamin Spock, the pediatrician, author, and peace activist, was found guilty of aiding draft resisters during the Vietnam War.
How many army cadets does it take to change a tire? Just one, but he gets four hours credit and it counts as a lab science. / There was an accident at Ft Bliss. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed 2 kernals.
..........Thunder's louder than a horn.........Burl Ives …..The Devil's Nine Questions
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle June, 14, 2019, ePistle in a Green Beret. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Peace, laughs, and marching. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047
Moonbeam: The beauty of me is that I'm very rich. --Donald Trump
Cost of War:
As of 6/13/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,932,256,696,996.
As of 6/6/19 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,930,109,573,471.
As of 6/13/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $901,970,640,268.
As of 6/6/19 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $900,647,209,702.
As of 6/13/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $683,563,201,827.
As of 6/6/19 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $681,899,243,242.
As of 6/13/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $310,991,651,128.
As of 6/6/19 Veterans Care since 2001: $310,613,445,896.
As of 6/13/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,828,582,010,905.
As of 6/6/19 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $4,823,270,271,169.
Passion is needed for any great work, and for the revolution, passion and audacity are required in big doses. --Che Guevara
..........I'm just a going over home.........Burl Ives …..Poor Wayfaring Stranger
My grandfather was in the Great War. He survived mustard gas and pepper spray; he was a seasoned veteran. / What's the difference between the Boy Scouts and the US Army? Adult Supervision
Famous Last Words: Shoot, you are only going to kill a man. --Che Guevara's final words
May Peace be your shield
And Joy your weapon
prairie mama
christine
Last Laugh:
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