Friday, August 25, 2017

eCho-lOcated ePistle

Famous First Words: I HAVE today issued an Executive order, providing for taking over the country's railroads... Harry S Truman
This is International Bat Night: What's the best way to hold a bat? By the handle. / Softball games are played at night because bats sleep during the day.
..........Time is today.........Kiss …..Love Gun
Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means. --Ronald Reagan
It is a gorgeous Friday morning. 65°F is perfect for walking or hanging out and the light breeze impresses that fact on the cheek and other exposed parts. Grass is down right wet with dew and smells of wet grass without the underlying odor of damp soil that usually accompanies it. This morning's sky is lightly hazy with clouds occasionally bumping up like buttermilk skies and on the horizons gather to look like actual clouds. Puck discussed something heatedly with a creature in the next yard whom I never saw or heard. Birdsong is more prevalent than the birds themselves who are not yet gathering for breakfast. There is a lot of traffic this morning that interrupts the birdsong and moves quickly on down the line. Everything is so green for late August. There are no brown patches of burned grass – not even in the micro-park out front where they never water the lawn. Puck finally ends his exchange and settles on the deck – alert but relaxed and enjoying the morning air. We are retired, the dog and I, and get up when the light slants through the window just so. These days we're up late enough to meet the children waiting for the bus; nevertheless, it is time for coffee and so we retreat to the house, to the smell of coffee and breakfast, indoor aromas. Wow! What a fine day and now – artificially sweetened and heavily creamed decaf in hand and mouth – I get to write to you.
Hope your weekend flies by night, ePistliers.
Is a baby bat called a battle? / Bruce Wayne's date did go well; she claimed he had bat breath.
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. --Dick Gregory ~~I will miss Dick!
..........now that your picture's in the paper being rhythmically admired...........Elvis Costello …..Welcome to the Working Week
Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday, Walt (Walter Crawford Kelly, Jr.).
^ What is Walt Kelly's most famous comic strip character?
^^ Where did it live?
^^^When did the strip first appear, more or less?
^^^^ What is the most famous quote from the Walt Kelly strip?
^^^^^^ And what is its most famous Christmas song?
First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: July 9, 1776: New Yorkers “Destroy history” by toppling a statue of George III. And that's why nobody knows who won the American Revolutionary War. --Submitted by rhb of ks
Senior Moment of the Week: I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed fit.
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 99% of patrons can never remember if it's 40 or 50 zeros in the middle of their library card number. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
The local blood bank was robbed last night; the police suspect bats. / My Mentor told me to dress for the job I want so I'm here at a job interview dressed as batman.
I never learned hate at home, or shame. I had to go to school for that. --Dick Gregory
..........Golden halos radiating higher..........Judas Priest …..Solar Angels
Moonbeam: Never a lip is curved with pain that can't be kissed into smiles again. --Bret Harte
Something to Think About of the Week:

Big Hello: Caɲam! (Salam) - Kyrgyz
Week of the Week: National American Organic Brewers Week (August 24 - 27): About 6 months ago I decided to join the craze and I set up a brewery on my back porch. I used only organically grown hops and corn for the mash. I used only distilled water. With a little luck and some trial and error, I finally got a good balance of taste and buzz. So I sent a sample to the KU chemistry department for analysis. A week letter I got an email saying “your yeti is menopausal”.


Being white is a job in America. You take that away, you better get the soldiers out. --Dick Gregory
..........You're a family man............Leonard Bernstein …...Jet Song
^ Pogo is the title and central character of a long-running daily American comic strip, created by Walt Kelly (1913–1973) and distributed by the Post-Hall Syndicate.
Almanac: It is Friday, August 25, 2017. The moon was new last Monday, duh, and is in Libra. It is Kiss and Make Up Day, National Park Service Day, National Second-hand Wardrobe Day, and World Daffodil Day. France celebrates Liberation Day (1944) and in Uruguay it is Independence Day (1825). Because it is the Last Full Weekend it is also International Bat Night.
Among those born on this date were Ivan the Termible (aka IV, 1530), George Stubbs (1724), Allan Pinkerton (1819), Bret Harte (1836), Michael Rennie (1909), Walt Kelly (1913), Van Johnson (1916), Mel Ferrer (1917), Leonard Bernstein (1918), George Wallace (1919), Monty Hall (1923), Sean Connery (1930), Regis Philbin (1931), Tom Skerritt (1933), Gene Simmons (KISS, 1949), Rob Halford (Judas Priest, 1951), and Elvis Costello (1954).
On August twenty-fifth Galileo demonstrated his first telescope (1609), New Orleans was founded (1718), Uruguay declared independence from Brazil (1825), Belgium revolted against Netherlands (1830), the first international polo meet was held (1886), the US National Park Services was established (1916), US and Germany signed a peace treaty (1921), Paris was liberated (1944), Truman nationalized the railroads to avoid a strike (1950), US/USSR signed a $10 billion grain pact (1983), and Carl Lewis ran 100m in 9.86 seconds (1991).
Night Sky, 8/25: Look low in the west in twilight for the waxing crescent moon. It forms a triangle with Jupiter & Spica.
This Week: Saturday, August 26 – Women's Equality Day & International Tongue Twister Day
Sunday, August 27- Just Because Day (Just Because)
Night Sky, 8/27: The actual Little Dipper is tipping over leftward in the north. It's only 40% as long as the Andromegasus Dipper and most of it is much fainter.
Monday, August 28- Race Your Mouse Around the Icons Day
Tuesday, August 29- According to Hoyle Day & International Day Against Nuclear Tests
Night Sky, 8/29: Mercury & Mars are still hidden by the sun. Earth is best visible in the daytime, centered below you.
Wednesday, August 30 – National Holistic Pet Day & National Toasted Marshmallow Day & Tug-of-War Day
Thursday, August 31- National Diatomaceous Earth Day & Love Litigating Lawyers Day
Night Sky, 8/31: Venus, Uranus and Neptune are visible in the morning sky while Saturn is visible in the evening.
The vampire children play bat's cradle. / Is that the Dark Knight? No, it's just a bat pun.
If it weren't for Abe Lincoln, I'd still be on the open market. --Dick Gregory
..........Breeze it, buzz it, easy does it............Leonard Bernstein …...Cool
^^ Set in the Okefenokee Swamp of the southeastern United States, the strip often engaged in social and political satire through the adventures of its anthropomorphic funny animal characters.
Funniest thing I read of the Week: I hate when people say "Act like an adult". Have you seen adults lately? That's horrible advice. --Morgan Freeman
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Bubonicon 49:Albuquerque, NM, August 25-27. This year's theme: Back In Time... http://bubonicon.com/
Moonbeam: Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the year been complaining? --George Wallace
Late Night Snacks: Chief of Staff John Kelly pressed Drumpf to make another public statement. Grudgingly, Mr. Drumpf agreed. "OK, I'll say Nazis are bad, but you can't make me mean it. OK? Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed. I call Nazi backsies." --Stephen Colbert / While President Drumpf fielded questions yesterday about Charlottesville, White House Chief of Staff John Kelly was seen staring at the ground with his arms crossed. And after hearing the press conference, so was the Statue of Liberty. --Seth Meyers / President Drumpf tweeted this morning that he’s “sad” over the removal of our “beautiful statues.” Of course, Drumpf may just be sticking up for his fellow bronze-colored symbols of hate. --Conan O'Brien / Speaking of statues, did you see this today? The president tweeted that removing Confederate statues takes beauty out of our parks that can never be replaced. Then he said, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go cut down a bunch of trees to build a hotel and golf course.” --Jimmy Fallon / Drumpf thinks these 100-year-old Confederate monuments are beautiful. Which is weird. Usually Drumpf doesn’t call anything beautiful if it’s over 30 years old. --James Corden / President Drumpf is having an historically bad week, which he kept going strong with a string of combative tweets this morning. He makes one good point. If we’re going to start taking down every monument that pays tribute to racists, we should probably take down every building with the name “Drumpf” on it. --Jimmy Kimmel
Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable. -- John F. Kennedy
Three pastors were having lunch at a diner. The first one said, "You know, since the summer started I've been having a lot of trouble with bats in the loft and attic at my church. I've tried everything - noise, spray, cats - nothing seems to scare them away." The second pastor replied, "Me too. I've got hundreds of those things living in my belfry and in the narthex attic. I had the whole place fumigated, but they still won’t go away." The third pastor then said, "I had that problem a while ago. So I baptized them and made them members of the church. Haven't seen one back since!"
Everything we do we should look at in terms of millions of people who can't afford it. --Dick Gregory
..........It's alarming how charming I feel............Leonard Bernstein …...I Feel Pretty
^^^ Kelly created the characters of Pogo the possum and Albert the alligator in 1941 for issue #1 of Dell's Animal Comics, in the story "Albert Takes the Cake".
Worthless Fact of the Week: The first international polo game was played in Newport, RI and was won by England (10-4 / 14-2) over the US.
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: License Plate: VLAD THE with a border plate that say IMPALA. --Submitted by jm of ks
Weird Word of the Week: Yaoi – This word is only now beginning to appear in general publications, though it has been around in its specialist area for some years. Japanese - Manga or anime – focus on male-to-male sexual relationships. http://www.worldwidewords.org/turnsofphrase/tp-yao1.htm
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Soak up car oil and transmission fluid. Tidy Cats works as an absorbent to pick up transmission leaks from garage floors. Pour a thick layer of unused Tidy Cats over the puddle, wait 24 hours, and sweep up with a broom. Scrub clean with a solution of detergent and hot water. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/tidycats.html

I wouldn't mind paying taxes if I knew they were going to a friendly country. ---Dick Gregory
...........Leapin' lizards! That's why I'm so bad............Leonard Bernstein …...Gee, Officer Krupke
^^^^ "We have met the enemy and he is us."
Word Shakespeare Made Up of the Week: Marketable – able or fit to be sold. As You Like It Act I Scene II: Celia: All the better; we shall be the more marketable.
Best YouTube on the Internet of the Week: A pride of at least 15 lions (all females and children) block the road in Kruger Park, South Africa. They are quite deliberate and laid back about it too. We should run protests like this. It would be very effective. It's kind of long so you can just check out the first few seconds - until the lion turns her head so the camera gets her good side – and move on. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8i0hjegneY
Language of Peace of the Week: Āxšti – Avestan (extinct) from Iran.
Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck testing out his new personal eye-shield wipers in the case of the Rain-Drenched Rashon.
Two bats were hanging upside down on a branch discussing philosophy. What is the worst evil you ever encountered? One asked. “Diarrhea” was the quick answer./ Since Ben Afleck's Playing Batman, the commissioner changed the bat signal to the Red Sox logo.
In most places in the country, voting is looked upon as a right and a duty, but in Chicago it's a sport. --Dick Gregory.
..........I've been waiting here to be your guide.........Kiss …..Psycho Circus
^^^^^ Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower alley-garoo!
Month of the Week: August is Read a Romance Novel Month – Rejected Romance Novel Titles – Compensating for Something / Lord of the Hissy-Fit / The Man Who Walked Away From Facebook
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Maybe if we told congress that global warming is reducing sperm counts, they would do something about it. --Sumbitted by cs of ks
Most Beautiful Thing in the State: Grotto of the Redemption, West Bend, IA. The Grotto is frequently considered the “Eighth Wonder of the World” and The Iowan magazine has described the Grotto as a “Miracle in Stone.” The location was placed on the National Register of Historical Places in 2001 and has been included in such features as Roadside America and Disney’s The Straight Story. A composite of nine seperate grottos, each portrays a scene in the life of Christ. The largest man-made Grotto in the world, the Grotto contains the largest collection of precious stones and gems found anywhere in one location! http://www.westbendgrotto.com/
Today's Peace of History, August 25, 1969: Company A of the 3rd Battalion, the 196th Light Brigade, refused to advance further into the Songchang Valley of Vietnam after five days of heavy casualties; their number had been reduced from 150 to 60. This was one of hundreds of mutinies among troops during the war.
How many Batmen does it take to change a light bulb? None, they like the dark. / Chocula's teacher wrote a note to his parents about his battitude.
I buy about $1,500 worth of papers every month. Not that I trust them. I'm looking for the crack in the fabric. --Dick Gregory
..........Everyone was in peace of mind.........Judas Priest …..Dreamer Deceiver
Masthead of the Week: fRiday ePistle August 25, 2017. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Peace & Humor and Batshit Craziness! Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 1800 Goodell Ct. Lawrence, KS 66046
Moonbeam: To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time. --Leonard Bernstein
Cost of War:
Tax dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 8/24/17: $781,433,751,907
Tax dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 8/17/17: $780,748,937,911.
Tax dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 8/24/17: $820,770,432,173.
Tax dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 8/17/17: $820,750,416,021.
Tax dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 8/24/17: $16,481,992,468.
Tax dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 8/17/17: $16,376,751,082.
Tax dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 8/24/17: $157,903,302,729
Tax dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 8/17/17: $157,317,682,776
Tax dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 8/24/17: $1,781,699,733,340.
Tax dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 8/17/17: $1,780,269,620,852.
Peace is the best time for improvement and preparation of every kind; it is in peace that our commerce flourishes most, that taxes are most easily paid, and that the revenue is most productive. --James Monroe
..........But we all cheered wildly.........Elvis Costello …..Peace In Our Time
Batman and Robin fought a steamroller and became Flatman and Ribbon. / Merry Mouse was walking with her daughter Joy when a bat flew over. “Look!” said Joy, “an angel.”
Famous Last Words: ...and have hereunto affixed their seals. --US Peace Treaty with Germany
May Peace grace your nights
And Joy permeate your days
prairie mama
christine


Last Laugh:

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Friday, August 18, 2017

ePistle eJector

Famous First Words: AN ACT making appropriations for sundry civil expenses... Immigration Laws and Regulations of 1894
This week the students at the University of Kansas come back to a campus where open carry (without license or permit) is allowed on campus. Some people are making book on when the first death will occur. I have “after the first big sports loss”./ Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one. --Andy Borowitz
..........With targets not much bigger than a pinpoint I'm number one.........Irving Berlin …..You Can't Get a Man with a Gun
We do not need guns and bombs to bring peace, we need love and compassion. --Mother Teresa
It is a beautiful Friday morning. The sky is nearly covered in thick clouds decorated with curly-cues and valleys and mountains and streaks of white with gray on the bottom. Yet the newly rising sun peeks through here and there and highlights the tops of trees or the side of a house. The clouds are moving steadily to the east but the breeze at ground level flows from north to south, gently; it makes the young trees dance but the older ones just jiggle the leaves at the end their branches. It wafts the smell of tea roses about the yard. There are no birds about and so no birdsong. But the sound of distant trash trucks grinding and lifting and banging back down provides a muted sound track. Puck and Pax are distracted from their deck play by a pedestrian with a large, brown dog attached to his belt with a roll-out leash. The barking becomes raucous but the brown dog never speaks. At least the fountain, lost from time to time in other noise, provides splashing joy. The sky is getting darker and so we retreat indoors. It is warmish here so I turn on the fan. And now I sit sweetened tartness in my cup and thoughts of you in my head.
Hope your weekend makes you laugh so hard tears run down your leg, ePistliers.
Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. History according to Sara Palin --Bill Maher / "I suggest putting a teacher in every gun store." -Jeff Johnson
..........But I wouldn't shoot without a cause.........Jerry Douglas …..Don't Take Your Guns to Town
Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to the Late Berlin Wall !!
^ How long was the Berlin Wall, anyway?
^^ What constituted the “Death Zone”?
^^^ How high was the wall?
^^^^ How many people escaped over, around, or under the wall?
^^^^^ When did the wall come down?
Ejector - A spring-activated mechanism for the ejection of ammunition or and empty shell casing. On doubles, each barrel has a separate ejector.  ~~After I had already sent this out to my friends and relations, I realized I should have named it ePistol.
Senior Moment of the Week: Welcome to the age where your secrets are safe with your friends...they can't remember them either.
First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Somewhere in the dark corners of the internet, the alt-left is planning universal healthcare and community gardens!!! --Submitted by mj of ks
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: You aren't a real librarian until you've been shushed by a patron. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
If women took up arms to defend their reproductive rights, the GOP would ban assault rifles yesterday --Steve Marmel / Oh, you need a magazine that holds 30 rounds? Is that in case the deer starts shooting back? --Everlasting GOP Stoppers
..........'Cause I've got you in the sight of my love gun.........Paul Rodgers …..The Hunter
Moonbeam: Give the lady what she wants! --Marshall Field
Something to Think About of the Week:

Big Hello: Sillaw – Kurdish (Sorani)
Week of the Week: National Resurrect Romance Week (August 13-19) - Boy: Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day? Girl: Yes, February 14th.
Is the daisy powerline 856 BB gun good for squirrels? No, it is too long to hide in their nest and the trigger is too far forward for their paws to be able to hold and fire at the same time. Most of the squirrels in my hood just carry a small handgun, like a Glock 26 or 27. Hope this helps. --Submitted by sb of ak
..........Got a barrel that's blue and cold.........Lynyrd Skynyrd …..Saturday Night Special
^ The completed wall was a zigzag path of 96 miles (177.79 kilometers). Of that 27 miles (50 km) divided Eastern Berlin from the west, the rest of the barriers was separating Western Berlin from the rural areas of Eastern Germany.
Almanac: It is Friday, August 18, 2017. The moon will be new on Tuesday and is in Cancer. It is Bad Poetry Day, Birth Control Pills Day, Mail Order Catalog Day, and Serendipity Day. In Hawaii it is Admission Day (1959).
Among those born on this day were Virginia Dare (1587), Brook Taylor (1685), Antonio Salieri (1750), Marshall Field (1834), Max Factor, Jr. (1904), Caspar Weinberger (1917), Rosalynn Carter (1927), Robert Redford (1937), and Martin Mull (1943).
On August eighteenth Mt Vesuvius erupted (1834), the Bureau of Immigration was created (1894), the Golf Writers Association of America was formed (1946), Nabokov published Lolita (1958), construction of the Berlin Wall began (1961), and James Meredith became the first black American to graduate from Ole Miss (1963).
Night Sky, 8/18: In early dawn Saturday morning the 19th, the waning Moon is under Venus low in the east. Pollux and Castor are still to Venus's left or upper left.
This Week: Saturday, August 19 – Aviation Day & International Orangutan Day & World Photo Day
Night Sky, 8/19: August is prime Milky Way time, and the evening sky is now moonless. After dark, the Milky Way runs from Sagittarius in the south, up and left across Aquila and through the big Summer Triangle very high in the east, and on down through Cassiopeia to Perseus rising low in the north-northeast.
Sunday, August 20 – Chef Appreciation Day & National Radio Day
Monday, August 21 – Poet's Day & Senior Citizen's Day
Night Sky, 8/21: Jupiter is very low in the WSW during twilight. Saturn (in the legs of Ophiuchus) glows in the south at dusk. Mercury and Mars are hidden in the glare of the sun.
Tuesday, August 22 – Be An Angel Day & National Boa Day
Night Sky, 8/22: Uranus and Neptune are well up in the SE in the hours before dawn.
Wednesday, August 23 – Valentino Day
Thursday, August 24 – Knife Day & Vesuvius Day & National Waffle Iron Day
Oh, keeping God in schools would have prevented the recent shooting? Please tell me how many cases of child molestation He's prevented in churches. / How many NRA spokesmen do you need to change a light bulb? More guns
..........Mother Superior jump the gun..........The Beatles …..Happiness Is a Warm Gun
^^ On August 13th, 1961 the first embodiment of the wall was made out of barbed wire between rows of buildings. It was ultimately consolidated by combining subsidiaries walls, trenches, electric fences and a “death zone” made of two parallel walls closely supervised by armed guards from the 302 watchtowers that were built for that purpose.
Funniest thing I read of the Week: Nazis are like cats. If they like you, it's probably because you're feeding them. --John Oliver
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: The Starfleet International Conference, New Orleans, August 18-20. I'm sorry to say this is one of the most boring pages for a con that I have ever encountered. http://www.ic2017.org/
Moonbeam: Here rests to soul of our nation – here also should be our conscience. --Caspar Weinberger
Late Night Snacks: Fox News host Eric Bolling has been suspended following reports that he sent lewd photos to multiple female coworkers. Or as Fox News is reporting it: “Did Hillary Frame Eric Bolling?” --Seth Meyers / We reached an important milestone today, because it was Donald Drumpf’s 200th day in the White House today. Whooo! Of course, he celebrated in his favorite way, by not going to work at the White House. --James Corden / As of Friday, Donald Drumpf is on a 17-day vacation at his golf club in Bedminster, New Jersey. He’s there to relax after months of grueling golf at Mar-a-Lago. --Stephen Colbert / According to The New York Times, Vice President Mike Pence is planning on running for president if Drumpf doesn’t run for a second term. But he issued a statement strongly denying the article, saying it was disgraceful, offensive to me, my family and our entire team. He said to suggest he is running for president in 2020 is laughable and absurd. Right, why would Mike Pence want to be president in 2020? He’s going to be president much, much sooner than that. --Jimmy Kimmel / I read that the US has a plan to launch a cyberattack on North Korea. It’s pretty serious. They say it could affect both of North Korea’s computers. --Jimmy Fallon / Archaeologists have just uncovered evidence of a Native American civilization that vanished, completely vanished in the 13th century. Isn’t that amazing? Apparently they died out months after selecting their new leader, Chief Drumpf. Then they were gone. --Conan O'Brien
Not So Late Night Snack of the Week: During the first week of President Trump's three-week vacation at his golf club, observers noted that his behavior was correlated to the weather. When it rained and he couldn't golf, he sent angry tweets. Well, on Wednesday, it must have been hailing turds from the sky...because the president decided to threaten North Korea with nuclear war. Now, we found out later that the president was quote, "improvising," when he made that statement you heard. None of his advisers knew he was going to say it. Well, the two things you do not want to hear improvise are a jazz musician and Donald Trump. --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me
To achieve a lasting peace in the Middle East takes guts, not guns. --Queen Rania of Jordan
Women aspire to the same rights as guns. / Armed Guards in the Schools: Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays. --Stephen Colbert
..........And the notches on his pistol numbered one and nineteen more.........Marty Robbins …..Big Iron
^^^ The wall was 11.81 feet tall.
Worthless Facts of the Week: Born on June 25, 1933, a former serviceman in the U.S. Air Force, James Meredith applied and was accepted to the University of Mississippi in 1962, but his admission was revoked when the registrar learned of his race. A federal court ordered “Ole Miss” to admit him, but when he tried to register on September 20, 1962, he found the entrance to the office blocked by Mississippi Governor, Ross Barnett. On September 28, the governor was found guilty of civil contempt and was ordered to cease his interference with desegregation at the university or face arrest and a fine of $10,000 a day. Two days later, Meredith was escorted onto the Ole Miss campus by U.S. Marshals, setting off riots that resulted in the deaths of two students. He returned the next day and began classes. Meredith, who was a transfer student from all-black Jackson State College, graduated the next year.
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Be like Panda – He's White, he's Black, he's Asian.
Weird Word of the Week: Widdiful – Somebody who deserved to be hanged. From a northern English & Scottish word widdy or widdie – branch of a tree. “Will you shut the bloody noise off, you bloody widdiful!” Philips said in a shout... The Reachers by David Drake, 2003. http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-wid1.htm
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Prevent grease fires in barbecue grills. Cover the bottom of the grill with a one-inch layer of unused Tidy Cats box filler to reduce fires. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/tidycats.html
"No one's taking away ALL the guns. But now I get it, now I see what's happening. So this is what it is. Their paranoid fear of a possible dystopic future prevents us from addressing our actual dystopic present. We can't even begin to address 30,000 gun deaths that are actually, in reality, happening in this country every year because a few of us must remain vigilant against the rise of imaginary Hitler." --Jon Stewart
...........Where you going with that gun in your hand.........Jimi Hendrix …..Hey, Joe
^^^^ At least 138 people died trying to cross the border. While some did make it safely across, it is unclear how many people exactly reached the western part. Before the wall was erected, 1,000 per day (1961) were escaping.
Word Shakespeare Made Up of the Week: Majestic – having or showing impressive beauty or dignity. Julius Caesar Act I Scene II Cassius: It doth amaze me a man of such a feeble temper should so get the start of the majestic world and bear the palm alone.
Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Not many presidents could make threatening nuclear war the second worst thing he did in a week. --Gady Epstein
Language of Peace of the Week: In the Afar language of Ethiopia, Eritrea, & Djibouti Salaamata means peace.
Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck walking away from a situation in the case of the Armed Aryan Molossus.
"Impeach President Reagan retroactively for agreeing with Obama on the assault weapons ban." -John Fugelsang / Birth control and reproductive health services are harder to get than bullets. What is that about? Guns don't kill people – vaginas do? --Shannyn Moore
..........I've been dodgin' bullets, I've been hiding in the dark.........Carrie Underwood …..Cupid's Got a Shotgun
^^^^^ On the night of November 9, 1989, East German authorities suddenly opened the border crossing, and thousands of jubilant Germans celebrated by dancing on top of the wall and chipping away at it with hammers and chisels.
Month of the Week: August is National Truancy Prevention Month ~~because it is much easier to prevent truancy in a month when school is out. ...You might be a redneck if you and your truant officer shoot pool during school hours.
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: In preparation for an upcoming neo-Nazi march in the small Bavarian town of Wunsiedel, local residents decided to fight back in a hilariously perfect way: by sponsoring each of the 250 fascist participants. According to Heeb Magazine, "For every metre they walked, €10 went to a programme called EXIT Deutschland, which helps people escape extremist groups." The anti-semitic walkers didn't figure out the town's scheme until they had already started their march, and by that time, it was too late to turn back. The end result? The neo-Nazis raised more than $12,000 to fund programs to put an end to neo-Nazis.  --Submitted by gd or az or nm, I'm not sure where he is, apparently.
Most Beautiful Thing in the State: Cataract Falls, Indiana The largest waterfall in the state of Indiana can be found inside Cataract State Park. Cataract Falls drops for a total of 86 feet, with the upper falls making up 20 feet of this figure. The hike to the falls is of moderate difficulty and less than three miles in length, with the best time to visit between December and May. As Cataract Falls is made up a long series of cascades, many of the trails within Cataract State Park are within site of the beautiful falling water. https://www.thecrazytourist.com/15-most-beautiful-places-to-visit-in-indiana/
Today's Peace of History: Today's Peace of History, August 18, 1920: Women throughout the US won the right to vote when the Tennessee legislature approved the 19th amendment to the Constitution (the last of 36 states then required to approve it). An amendment for universal suffrage was first introduced in Congress in 1878, and Wyoming had granted suffrage in state law by 1890.
Of course I believe that background checks should be mandatory before the NRA can buy a senator. / The only way background checks take away your 2nd Amendment rights are, my friends, if you're a criminal, a terrorist, or insane. And if you're all three, you're probably already a lobbyists for the NRA. --John Fugelsang
..........She ain't never gonna be the same.........Aerosmith …..Janie's Got a Gun
Masthead of the Week: fRiday ePistle August 18, 2017. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ The Smoking Gun of Humor and Peace. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 1800 Goodell Ct. Lawrence, KS 66046
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sign in the zoo: Please do not feed the wild animals. They become reliant and will soon want cell phones.
Moonbeam: Do what you can to show you care about other people, and you will make our world a better place. --Rosalynn Carter
Cost of War:
Tax dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 8/17/17: $780,748,937,646911.
Tax dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 8/9/17: $780,080,140,911.
Tax dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 8/17/17: $820,750,416,021.
Tax dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 8/9/17: $820,730,870,304.
Tax dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 8/17/17: $16,376,751,082.
Tax dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 8/9/17: $16,273,956,956.
Tax dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 8/17/17: $157,317,682,776
Tax dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 8/9/17: $156,745,706,012
Tax dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 8/17/17: $1,780,269,620,852.
Tax dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 8/9/17: $1,778,872,920,608.
The path of violence has not yielded anything. Shed guns and adopt the path of peace, unity, goodwill, and brotherhood. --Narendra Modi
..........How was I to know she was with the Russians too?........Warren Zevon …..Lawyers, Guns and Money
I'm going to tell people that the president is going to take away our math and science books. Maybe the same folks hoarding guns and ammo will buy these too. / "One failed attempt at a shoe bomb and we all take off our shoes at the airport. Thirty-one school shootings since Columbine and no change in our regulation of guns." --John Oliver
Famous Last Words: this is the only immortality you and I may share, my Lolita. –Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita


May Peace prevail
And Joy succeed
prairie mama
christine


Last Laugh: Wow – an anti-fascist Dr. Seuss cartoon...amazing.


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Friday, August 11, 2017

eRomanc-ed ePistle

Famous First Words: It's been a hard day's night.... The Beatles ...the song
It's National Psychic Week (August 7-11) – I almost dated a psychic once but he dumped me before we met. / One afternoon a man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune-teller's tent. Thinking that it would be a good laugh, the man went inside and sat down. "Ah..." the woman said as she looked into the depths of her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children." "That's what you think," said the man scornfully. "I'm the father of three children." The mysterious psychic grinned and replied, "That's what you think!"
..........Another runner in the night..........Manfred Mann …..Blinded By The Light
Peace can become a lens through which we see the world. Be it. Live it. Radiate it. Peace is an inside job. --Wayne Dyer
It is a spectacular Friday morning. The sky itself defines blue – sky blue, of course – and under it clouds of all sorts and sizes play; some are misty and gray on the bottom and others are puffy and happy. There is a slight breeze from the north that wafts about and makes the tree leaves wiggle and giggle. The breeze is perfect for a perfect 69°F temperature. Birds are out in flocks and quarrels singing praises to the morning; they miss not a note while the trash trucks grind by making that wasteful part of our lives disappear in a clank of machinery. Puck paced the perimeter and is now settled on the deck watching, ever watching. I do not smell anything; no dampness or heat raise aroma from the ground or the pavement and the tea roses are not a peak to spread their scents. The world is still quite green and has not burnt to brown in the August heat. But coffee calls me and we return to our rooms to the smell of brewing coffee and laundry soap. And now, encouraged by a cup of lightly sweetened, heavily creamed decaf, I get to write to you. What a morning!
I foresee fun in your weekend, ePistlers.
Note on the door: Psychic fair closed due to unforeseen circumstances. / Why did the psychic stare at the carton of orange juice? Because he needed to concentrate.
..........got a honey jar stuck on his nose..........Nitty Gritty Dirt Band …..House at Pooh Corner
Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday Packers !!
^ In 1996 Brett Favre set an NFL record when he threw how many touchdown passes in the regular season. (Extra points if you know who held the record he broke)
^^ Which packer was nicknamed the Minister of Defense?
^^^ Who were the founding fathers of the packers?
^^^^ The Packers were the first NFL team to have cheerleaders; what were they called?
^^^^^ What was the score of the very first Super Bowl anyway?
Senior Moment of the Week: Why is it I can remember the lyrics to my favorite song in high school 20 years later, but I can not remember why I came into the kitchen.
Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 25% of the time a librarian spends on committee meeting minutes is spent deciding how best to abbreviate the word 'association' https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Eromancy is divination using water vessels or air currents depending on who's defining it. It has never been used as a verb before. ...aNother fIrst fRom tHe fRiday ePistle...
Sign on the Psychic's door: You don't need an appointment; I know you're coming. / What's the difference between a psychic and a psycho? A psychic projects their mind, a psycho loses it.
..........Don't be afraid to live a little.........Iron Butterfly …..Soul Experience
Moonbeam: Either you deal with what is the reality, or you can be sure that the reality is going to deal with you. --Alex Haley
Something to Think About of the Week:

Big Hello: Rojbash – Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Week of the Week: Assistance Dog Week (August: 6-12) – Hiring a dog as your attorney will work well for your insanity defense / Employee: "Is that a licensed dog?" Handler: "No, she only has her learner's permit since she forgets to use the clutch when shifting."
I'm a skilled mind-reader. Right now, I know exactly what you're thinking, “can not”. / Why did the psychic take his time meditating before conducting a reading? He was psyching himself up.
..........We could make those tires squeal.........Nitty Gritty Dirt Band …..One Step Over the Line
^ In '96 Favre broke his own record with 39 TD passes. He threw 38 TD passes in 1995.
Almanac: It is Friday, August 11, 2017. The moon will be last quarter on Monday. It is Ingersoll Day, Presidential Joke Day, and Shop Online For Groceries Day. Chad celebrates Independence Day (1960) and in the Yukon it is Klondike Gold Day. Because this is the 2nd weekend in August it is also the Kool-Aid Days.
Among those born on this date were Robert G Ingersoll (1833), Carrie J Bond (1862), Alexander Mosolov (1900), Alex Haley (1921), Arlene Dahl (1924), Mike Douglas (1925), Claus Von Bulow (1926), Alun Hoddinott (1929), Jerry Falwell (1933), Mike Hugg (Manfred Man, 1942), Jeff Hanna (Dirt Band, 1947), Erik Brann (Iron Butterfly, 1950), Steve Wozniak (1950), and Hulk Hogan (Terry Bollea, 1953).
On August eleventh the world's first roller rink opened (RI, 1866), Mar's moon, Deimos, was discovered (1877), the Green Bay Packers football club was founded (1919), the first federal prisoners arrived at Alcatraz (1934), Hussein was proclaimed king of Jordan (1952), the French made peace in Viet Nam (1954), Chad declared independence (1960), A Hard Day's Night opened in NYC (1964), the Watts riots began (1965), the Beatles launched Apple Records (1968), Bob Tway won the PGA championship (1986), and Vorager 2 discovered 2 partial rings of Neptune (1989).
Night Sky, 8/11: The Perseid meteor shower should be at its maximum late tonight and late tomorrow night. The nearly last-quarter Moon will light the sky late at night. But the brightest meteors will still shine through the moonlight, and there's a prediction out that this year's underlying shower may be somewhat richer than usual. You may see one every couple minutes on average, depending on the brightness of your sky.
I hope someone is as offended by this cartoon as I am by these two idiots.

This Week: Saturday, August 12 – Sewing Machine Day, World Elephant Day , & National Garage Sale Day
Night Sky, 8/12: The Perseids continue. The brightest star high in the southeast these evening is Altair, with little orange Tarazed above it by a finger-width at arm's length. A little more than a fist-width to Altair's left is delicate Delphinus, the Dolphin, leaping leftward.
Sunday, August 13 – National Left Hander's Day
Monday, August 14 – International Rose Day & National Navajo Code Talkers Day
Night Sky, 8/14: The Big Dipper hangs diagonally in the northwest after dusk. From its midpoint, look to the right to find Polaris (not very bright) glimmering due north as always.
Tuesday, August 15 – National Relaxation Day & Best Friends Day
Wednesday, August 16 – Wave at Surveillance Day & National Airborne Day
Night Sky, 8/16: The W of Cassiopeia, tilted only a little, is nicely up in the northeast these evenings. Its right-hand side is the brightest. Watch it rise higher and tilt further through the night and through the next few months.
Thursday, August 17 – Black Cat Appreciation Day & National Nonprofit Day
Madame Salome was a fat psychic. They used to call here the four chin teller. / What is the longest astrology reading in the world? I don't know, but it's on a planetary scale.
..........But that's an ancient point of view.........Iron Butterfly …..Free
^^ Reggie White was the minister of defense. Reggie was an ordained Evangelical minister and a 13-time Pro Bowl selection. He played eight seasons with the Eagles, six with the Packers then retired only to come back one more season with the Carolina Panthers. He was posthumously inducted to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 2006.
Funniest thing I read of the Week: I always wondered why somebody didn't do something about that, then I realized I am somebody.
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Only one convention on my list this for this weekend – Wizard World Orlando (August 11-13). But it does feature – among many others – Nichelle Nichols aka Uhura. And media guests from television and film. http://wizardworld.com/comiccon/orlando
Moonbeam: Happiness is the only good. The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. The way to be happy is to make others so. --Robert J. Ingersoll
Late Night Snacks: This past week, a signed sketch of the Manhattan skyline drawn by Donald Drumpf in 2005 was bought at auction for nearly $30,000. Bidding started at $9,000 and went all the way up to $30,000. Making this Drumpf's only venture to ever turn a profit. --James Corden / This morning, President Drumpf announced a new immigration plan that will favor people who speak English. Which is why tonight, he had to deport himself. "I am BIGLY, BIGLY sad!" --Jimmy Fallon / Now, the bill sounds bad, but they gave it a catchy name: the Reforming American Immigration for Strong Employment (RAISE) Act. Yes, the RAISE Act. Much better marketing than the original name: Reforming American Citizenship Is Super Tough. --Stephen Colbert / He’s going to his Drumpf golf resort in New Jersey. Some people are angry he’s taking vacation for two weeks. I think it is a good thing. I mean, we’ll still have a country for two more weeks. --Jimmy Kimmel / A new Quinnipiac poll found that 33 percent of people approve of the job President Drumpf is doing. Unfortunately, they're all under investigation. --Seth Meyers
Not So Late Night Snacks: Trump unleashed...dug up the lawn, peed in the Lincoln bedroom, and a basset hound next door just had puppies with really weird hair. --Peter Sagal Wait, Wait Dont Tell Me
We're trying to sell peace, like a product, you know, and sell it like people sell soap or soft drinks. And it's the only way to get people aware that peace is possible, and it isn't just inevitable to have violence. Not just war -- all forms of violence. --John Lennon
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Adviser tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" "No," says his adviser, "in her biology class."
..........Snappin' her fingers and shufflin' her feet.........Manfred Mann …..Do Wah Diddy Diddy
^^^ The Green Bay Packers were founded by Curly Lambeau and George Whitney Calhoun. The Packers were a semi-professional team from 1919-1920.
Worthless Fact of the Week: The Watts Rebellion took place in the Watts neighborhood of Los Angeles from August 11 to 16, 1965. It was blamed principally on police racism. It was the city's worst unrest until the Rodney King unrest of 1992.
Wicked Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Roses are red / Tacos are enjoyable / Don't blame a Mexican because you're unemployable. --submitted by fb of az
Weird Word of the Week: Urtication – flogging with nettles. Once advocated for erotic stimulation...but not so much anymore. http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-urt1.htm
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Create emergency traction for automobiles. Keep a bag of Tidy Cats in your car trunk in case you get stuck in the ice or snow. When poured under the tire, it provides excellent traction. http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/tidycats.html
Alice goes to see a fortune teller, who tells her "Two men are madly in love with you!" Alice asks "Who will be the lucky one?" The fortune teller answers "Michael will marry you, and Shaun will be the lucky one."
...........and the world was just a spectrum of light.........Manfred Mann …..Questions
^^^^ The Golden Girls led the Packers fans in cheers from 1961 to 1972.
Word Shakespeare Made Up of the Week: Madcap – amusingly eccentric, an eccentric person Love's Labour's Lost Act II, Scene I Maria: That last is Biron, the merry madcap lord: not a word with him but a jest.
'Nother Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If life gives you birthdays, eat cake.
It is the Weekend of Hobo Days in Britt, IA: This is the hobo recipe for Mulligan of Happiness: Take a large bowl, fill it with sunshine. Add a bit of patience, faith, and kindness. Sift a cup of romance with a teaspoon of sympathy, a teaspoon of forgiveness, moisten with a teardrop, adding tolerance, friendship along with ambition. Mix well with stardust, fold in imagination, place in a heavenly blue pan, bake well with the light of God's candle. Serve every day and it will bring you a mulligan of Happiness. http://www.brittiowa.com/hobo/logo-symbols.htm
Puck the Brave Episode of the Week: Here's our fearless Puck kick boxing into action in the case of the Jindo's Jiu Jitsu.
Debbie visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the tarot cards laid out before her, the tarot reader delivered the bad news: "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt - prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year." Visibly shaken, Jennifer stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the tarot reader's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked: "Will I get away with it?"
..........But it won't rain.........Nitty Gritty Dirt Band …..Brass Sky
^^^^^ The Green Bay Packers beat the Kansas City Chiefs 35-10 in the first ever Super Bowl. They also won the next Super Bowl 33-14 against the Oakland Raiders.
Month of the Week: August is Crayon Collection Month – I don't understand white crayons. Why are they here? What do they want from us? / If I gave you a crayon, could you draw a conclusion?
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Dear Christians: Now would be a good time to come to your senses. --Submitted by bd of ny
Most Beautiful Thing in the State: Illinois lists Blackjack Road as their most beautiful place but there aren't a lot of pictures nor accounts of breath-taking scenes. I found complaints about ruts in the road and motorcycle accidents. Surely standing in Dune State Park looking out over Lake Michigan would be prettier than road ruts. http://www.motorcycleroads.us/roads/il_bjr.html
Today's Peace of History: August 11, 1958: A drugstore chain in Wichita, Kansas, agreed to serve all its customers after weeks of sit-ins at Dockum’s lunch counter by local African-Americans who wanted an end to segregation. On this day, as several black Wichitans were sitting at the counter even though the store refused to serve them, a white man around 40 walked in and looked at them for several minutes. Then he looked at the store manager and said, simply, “Serve them. I'm losing too much money.” He was the owner, Robert Dockum. That day the lawyer for the local NAACP branch called the company and was told by the a vice president ”he had instructed all of his managers, clerks, etc., to serve all people without regard to race, creed or color,” statewide. This was the first success of the sit-in movement which soon spread to Oklahoma City and other towns in Kansas, but is often thought to have started in Greensboro, North Carolina, in 1960.

What do you call a psychic that travels into space? An astrolonaut. / A man walks into a bar and orders a pint of whiskey. The guy next to him asks, "Are you that psychic?" Staring deeply into his drink, the man replies, "Well, I do seem to have a strong connection to spirits."
..........Everybody's gonna jump for joy.........Manfred Mann …..Mighty Quinn
Masthead of the Week: fRiday ePistle August 11, 2017. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Humor, Peace & Love. Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 1800 Goodell Ct. Lawrence, KS 66046
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If Trump wants to destroy North Korea, he should buy it and turn it into one of his casinos. --Tea Pain --Submitted by fb of az
Moonbeam: Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions. --Jerry Falwell
Cost of War: Tax dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 8/9/17: $780,080,140,911.
Tax dollars spent in Afghanistan: as of 8/3/17: $779,443,095,301.
Tax dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 8/9/17: $820,730,870,304.
Tax dollars spent on the Iraq war since 2001 as of 8/3/17: $820,712,252,335.
Tax dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 8/9/17: $16,273,956,956.
Tax dollars spent on Daesh conflict as of 8/3/17: $16,176,024,147.
Tax dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 8/9/17: $156,745,706,012
Tax dollars spent on the Pentagon Slush Fund as of 8/3/17: $156,200,803,820
Tax dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 8/9/17: $1,778,872,920,608.
Tax dollars spent on all wars since 2001 as of 8/3/17: $1,777,542,418,096.
To control aggression without inflicting injury is the Art of Peace. --Morihei Ueshiba
..........I look for the sun.........Iron Butterfly …..In the Crowds
A medium went into a store and said, "I'm a spiritual medium. I'd like a new wardrobe." The shopkeeper hesitated a moment, sizing the medium up, then said, "I'd say you're a spiritual large, and, no, you need a BIGGER wardrobe."
Famous Last Words: Great! (Nell) Hard Day's Night ...the movie
May Peace be your future
And Joy your eternal present
prairie mama
christine

Last Laugh:

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