(not so) mIraculous ePistle

 Famous First Words: It awakens you... Luisa  --Verdi's Lusia Miller

Happy Hanukkah! It was Hanukkah and the tiny village was in fear of not having any latkes because they had run out of flour. Rudi, the rabbi, was called upon to help solve the problem. He said, "Don't worry, you can substitute matzo meal for the flour and the latkes will be just as delicious!" Sheila looked to her husband and said, "Morty...you think it'll work?" Morty said, "Of course! Everybody knows…Rudolph, the Rab, knows grain, dear!"

..........Who can make the sunrise.........Sammy Davis Jr …..Candy Man

There's a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious—makes you so sick at heart—that you can't take part. You can't even passively take part. And you've got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus, and you've got to make it stop. --Mario Savio

It is a foggy Friday morning. There is no wind and the willow – now devoid of leaves – is motionless against the gray sky that extends to the ground. A dog is barking somewhere in a lost and lonely voice. Not Puck, he is deep in his early morning nap. Trees are still and so are power lines and birdlanes and the bare limbs of shrubs. 40°F is not cold but the stillness is eerie and makes one long for birdsong or car motors. Fog mutes the colors of the redwood fence and the yellow siding and even the blue of the storage shed up close. I brew my coffee and sit down at my computer. Long, slow sips bring me out of the sense of being in a world frozen in a dawn moment. The warm liquid clears my throat and sinuses and frees my brain to write to you.

Hope your weekend lasts 8 days, ePistlers, in a good way.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When you usher in December by kicking out the scammers in your life, that's called the Santos Clause. --Submitted by IIWSPIBH

Miriam goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Hanukkah cards. She says to the cashier, "Please may I have 50 Hanukkah stamps?" The cashier asks, "What denomination?" Miriam says, "Oy vey, has it come to this? Give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform."

..........It's the wrong time and the wrong place..........Jimmy Smith …..It's Alright By Me

Trivia Questions: It's Pretend to Be A Time Traveler Day. What do we know about time travel?

• ^ What fairy tale writer wrote the very early time travel story, The Galoshes of Fortune?
• ^^ Besides the Time Machine, Wells wrote another time travel story. Do you know what it is?
• ^^^ What do the letters of Dr Who's TARDIS stand for?
• ^^^^ What time travel novel did Mark Twain write?
• ^^^^^ How many actors have played the role of The Doctor so far?

Big Hello: Buoris – Lule Sámi (Norway & Sweden) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Image of the Week: Lawrence Old Fashioned Christmas Parade 2023 ~~?Reindeer mules?

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Park Rangers caught a camper leaving his garbage lying around for the third time, so he was tranquilized and relocated back to the city.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: Turns out the best way to communicate with the Ghost of Christmas Past is via the library fax machine. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Last December, a grandmother was giving directions to her grown grandson who was coming to visit with his wife. “You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T.” She continued, “There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.” “Grandma, that sounds easy,” replied the grandson, “but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow”? To which she answered, “You’re coming empty handed?”

..........Please share my umbrella.........The Hollies with Bobby Eliot …..Bus Stop

Moonbeam: Cease to inquire what the future has in store and take as a gift whatever the day brings forth. --Horace

Question of the Week: If you could create your own holiday, what would it be? https://www.teachingexpertise.com/classroom-ideas/funny-philosophical-questions/

Puzzle of the Week: From listener Tom Helfrick, of Sacramento. Think of a common sign seen along a highway (4,4). Rearrange the letters to name something inside a car (4,4).

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm in denial about my accent until I hear myself on video & I sound like a bale of hay. --Submitted by RHOZ

During the first day of Hanukah, two elderly Jewish men were sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in New York City. They were talking amongst themselves in Yiddish – the colorful language of Jews who came over from Eastern Europe. A Chinese waiter, only one year in New York, came up and in fluent impeccable Yiddish asked them if everything was okay and if they were enjoying the holiday. The Jewish men were dumbfounded. “Where did he ever learn such perfect Yiddish?” they both thought. After they paid the bill they asked the restaurant manager, an old friend of theirs, “Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?” The manager looked around and leaned in so no one else would hear and said… “Shh. He thinks we’re teaching him English.”

..........Into this world we're born.........Doors with Jim Morrison …...Riders On The Storm

^ "The Galoshes of Fortune" is a literary fairy tale by Hans Christian Andersen about a set of time-traveling boots, 1838

Almanac: It is Friday, December 8, 2023. The moon was in the last quarter last Tuesday (12/5) and is in Libra. It is Bodhi Day and Pretend To Be A Time Traveler Day. Because it is the second Friday in December it is also Official Lost & Found Day.

Among those born on this day were Horace (65 BCE), Queen Christina (1626), Eli Whitney (1765), John Fawcett (1789), Bjornstjerne Bjornson (1832), William Durant (1861), Paul Klee (1879), Diego Rivera (1886), James Thurber (1894), Lee J Cobb (1911), Lucian Freud (1922), Sammy Davis Jr (1925), Jimmy Smith (1925), Maximilian Schell (1930), Mario Savio (1942), Bobby Elliot (Hollies, 1942), Jim Morrison (1943), Gregg Allman (1947), Sam Kinison (1952), Kim Basinger (1953), and Sinead O'Connor (1966).

On December eighth Beethoven's 7th Symphony premiered (1813), Berlioz's La Damnation de Faust premiered (1846), Verdi's Luisa Miller premiered (1849), Vatican I opened (1869), Jesse James gang robbed a train in Muncie, Kansas (1874), the American Federation of Labor (AFL) was formed by 26 craft unions (1886), Olliver Wendel Holmes joined the Supreme Count (1902), the bird banding society was founded (1909), Sibelius' 5th Symphony premiered (1915), Porter's NYCers premiered (1930), coaxial cable was patented (1931), the NAACP filed a suit to equalize the salaries of black and white teachers (1936), Jordan annexed Arabic Palestine (1948), Styne's Gentlemen Prefer Blondes premiered (1949), I Love Lucy revealed Lucy's pregnancy (1952), Beatles Magical Mystery Tour was released (1967), and the Irish Republican Socialist Party was formed (1974).

Night Sky, 12/8 : Before and during dawn Saturday morning the 9th, catch the lovely meetup of Venus and the thin crescent Moon: Astarte and Diana, respectively, for the classically minded. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Max & Ollie in the glow of their own Christmas tree

Extra Funniest Thing I Heard of the Week: Al Capone was the greatest of all time, if you like criminals. --Donald Trump

This Week: Saturday, December 9 – International Anti-Corruption Day & National Day of the Horse & World Techno Day

Sunday, December 10 – Dewey Decimal Day & International Traffic Light Day & Nobel Prize Day & Jane Addams Day

Night Sky, 12/10: Orion is coming into view low in the east-southeast after dinner time now. And that means Gemini is also coming upon its left (for the world's mid-northern latitudes). The head stars of the Gemini twins, Castor and Pollux, are at the left end of the Gemini constellation — one over the other, with Castor on top.

Monday, December 11 – Green Monday & Kaleidoscope Day & National Sobriety Day & UNICEF's birthday

Tuesday, December 12 – National Ding-a-ling Day & Cocoa Day & Poinsettia Day

Wednesday, December 13 – Pick A Pathologist Pal Day & Day of the Horse

Night Sky, 12/13: The 2023 Geminid meteor shower peaks in the evening of Dec. 14, with meteors also visible on Dec. 13. The Geminids are expected to produce up to 120 meteors per hour at a dark site. The waxing crescent Moon won't interfere with dark skies, making this year's shower good for viewing.

Thursday, December 14 – Money Day & Yoga Day & US Park Police Day

Chanukah Songs: Oy to the World, Schlepping Through a Winter Wonderland; Silent Night? I Should Be So Lucky; Come on Baby, Light My Menorah

..........I've got one more silver dollar.........Gregg Allman …..Midnight Rider

^^ H G Wells: The Chronic Argonauts: An inventor takes a companion in his time machine. The companion narrates the story of the subsequent adventures. 1888

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Never forget where you came from, because that's probably where you left your phone. --Submitted by bu of ks

Moonbeam: The political machine triumphs because it is a united minority acting against a divided majority. --Will Durant

Video of the Week: MC Flo: Pot In The Latkes (3:03) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2GOrdxCm6Q

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: Elon Musk. Now it's hard to blame him for being a little off balance since up until now he's been able to say, "Look, I know I'm not the worst person in the world, Henry Kissinger is right there." --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 12/2/23

You can't disobey the rules every time you disapprove. However, when you're considering something that constitutes an extreme abridgment of your rights, conscience is the court of last resort. --Mario Savio

How can you recognize a Hanuka hippie? He's the one with his hair in dreidel-locks. / What's the best gift for the person who has everything? A burglar alarm.

..........I hope you'll understand.........Gregg Allman …..Ramblin' Man

^^^ TARDIS is an acronym for Time And Related Dimensions In Space.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Wrapping presents is folding laundry's asshole cousin. --Submitted by dr of oh

Weird Word of the Week: Rizz – charisma and charm (perhaps after Betty “Rizz” Rizzo in Grease) This is the Oxford English Dictionary Word of the Year 2023. Long Address

Dragon of the Week: The Nine Dragons River in Vietnam

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Stuff a scarecrow. Bubble Wrap makes excellent stuffing to fill the pants and shirt when making a scarecrow. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/bubblewrap2.html

What's the difference between Channukah and a dragon? One lasted for eight nights and the other just ate knights. / A Jewish guy's mother gives him two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time he visits her, he makes sure to wear one. As he walks into the house, his mother frowns and asks, "What – you didn't like the other one?"

...........Try to set the night on fire.........The Doors with Jim Morrison …..Light My Fire

^^^^ Twain's book was named A Yankee in King Arthur's Count & A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, & A Yankee in the Court of King Arthur at various times. In the book, an engineer from Connecticut named Hank Morgan receives a severe blow to the head and is somehow transported in time and space to England during the reign of King Arthur. 1889 As far as I can tell this was the first time travel movie made in 1921 as a silent film and again in 1931 as a talkie and in 1949 as a musical.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: What's something that feels British but isn't? The contents of the British Museum. --Submitted by bc of tx

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: CosPlay Expo (8-10, Las Vegas) ...cosplay, anime, video games, comic books, popular culture, science fiction, and other forms of fantasy entertainment. https://www.cosplayexpo.com/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: 77^th PostGraduate Assembly in Anesthesiology (8-11, NYC) ...evidence-based knowledge of primary clinical relevance. https://www.nyssa-pga.org/events/77th-postgraduate-assembly-in-anesthesiology-pga/

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Rest Area → Rear Seat

Chanukablanca: It's still the same old Torah, It's still the same menorah, We've latkes still to fry. December's when I feel most Jewish, as time goes by. / A phone lasting all day on 1% battery is a modern day reboot of the Chanuka story. --MyQ Kaplan

..........Makin' life worthwhile.........The Hollies with Bobby Eliot …...Don't Let Me Down

^^^^^ While there are officially 15 numbered Doctors, due to alternative versions of the character there have been 19 different incarnations of the Time Lord over the years. https://www.dexerto.com/tv-movies/doctor-who-every-doctor-and-actor-who-has-played-them-2030888/

Worthless Fact of the Week: On Episode 1 of Jeopardy, the Final Jeopardy! answer was in the category "Holidays": "The third Monday of January starting in 1986" ~~All three contestants got it right – Martin Luther King Jr Day.

Quote of the Week: "The number in 2022 is the highest ever recorded in the U.S." --Sally Curtin, a statistician at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Center for Health Statistics, regarding a new report she authored that found that at least 49,449 people died from suicide last year in the U.S., a 3 percent increase from the year prior. The report is based on provisional data, so Curtin expects the final number to actually be higher than the current amount. (NPR — Nov. 29, 2023)

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Okay listen, hear me out: Rocky Horror Muppet Show. --Submitted by INRITH

Today's Peace of History, December 8, 1961: The people of France voted to grant Algeria its independence in a referendum. This followed more than 130 years of French colonial control of the north African country. The result was a clear majority for self-determination, with 75% voting in favor.

The true hanukkah miracle is that there was only supposed to be one spelling but turns out there are enough letters for eight different spellings! happy hanukkah, hanukah, chanuka, chanukah, chanukkah, blitzen, vixen, & rudolph! --MyQ Kaplan / A remake of 16 Candles would be called Two Chanukkas. --MyQ Kaplan

..........Gonna build a heaven from a little hell..........Sammy Davis Jr …..Gonna Build A Mountain

Extra Plus Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I just checked my account balance at the ATM. It printed me a coupon for Ramen Noodles. --Submitted by bc of tx

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, December 8, 2023, (not so) mIraculous ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. --Sam Kenison

Cost of War:

• As of 12/07/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $223,365,261,949.
• As of 11/30/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $222,823,280,690.
• As of 12/07/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,182,985,835,444.
• As of 11/30/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,151,472,031,378.
• As of 12/07/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,154,327,863,677.
• As of 11/30/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,153,739,165,521.
• As of 12/07/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,392,598,258,132.
• As of 11/30/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,381,122,848,903.
• As of 12/07/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,057,878,420,741.
• As of 11/30/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,056,728,977,283.
• As of 12/07/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $9,011,157,122,419.
• As of 11/30/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,995,888,476,487.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

I'm tired of reading about history, I want to make it. --Mario Savio

Famous Last Words: Love is all you need. --Final line of the final song on the Beatles Magical Mystery Tour LP.

..........Shaved her leg and then he was a she.........Jimmy Smith …..Walk On The Wild Side

The real reason there are 8 days of Hanukkah is that there is one day for each spelling. / Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us. We survived. Nu, let's eat.

May Peace light your candles
And Joy keep them burning
prairie mama
christine

Last Laugh: --Submitted by PsyDe

hOopy ePistle

 Famous First Words: HELLO USA --First words written in the sky above the US.

Happy Basketball Day! The athletic department at Watsmotta U doesn't have a website because they can't put together three w's in a row. (Rocky & Bullwinkle) / The difference between a baby and Barnell College Basketball fans is that the baby will eventually stop whining. (Raiders of the Lost Ark)

..........He had a boogie style that no one else could play.........Bette Midler …..Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy

I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear. --Rosa Parks

It is late on a Friday morning. I have been to the doctor. The good news is I'm still alive; the bad news is I'm still old. The sky is gray without wind. The world is chilly and looks as if it will start raining at any moment. And Kansas, playing at home in Allen Fieldhouse, is predicted to win by only 3 points. Have a great day!

Hope your weekend takes home the championship, ePistlers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The same crowd that have carried a grudge against Jane Fonda for fifty years think we should “get past” Jan 6. --Submitted by Lawrence Liberals

How many University of Los Angeles basketball players does it take to change a tire? One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up. (Fresh Prince of Bel-Air) / The Hudson University basketball team missed so many dunks they call them the Alley Whoops. (Law and Order)

..........Happy and free. Living and loving for me..........Lou Rawls …..Natural Man

Trivia Questions: It was 136 years ago that the world first met Sherlock Holmes.

• ^ What was the first story to be published?
• ^^ Sherlock Holmes is the most portrayed fictional human. How many actors have been Holmes?
• ^^^ Where did Sherlock live?
• ^^^^ Who was Holmes' landlady?
• ^^^^^ How many Holmes stories are out there?

Big Hello: Gyebake ko – Luganda (Uganda) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Secular Confectionist: doesn't believe in a deity but faithfully observes all holidays that involve baked goods or candy. --Submitted by akb of kc

Image of the Week: The is Max and Ollie Brault with that grandma

Explanation of Image of the Week: I introduced myself to the boys as “grandma christine”. Later in the visit when Ollie was asked a question to which grandma christine was the answer, he said “that grandma” and pointed with a long outstretched arm and finger. I wished to be known as “that grandma” from now on. Thanks

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 99.9% of books about time management are returned late. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

What happened to the 2013 Perkins School for the Blind basketball team ? They became referees. (Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall) / The difference between time and the Penn Brook University basketball team is that time passes. (Higher Learning)

..........I say love, it is a flower..........Bette Midler …..The Rose

Moonbeam: I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying till I get it right. --Richard Pryor

Question(s) of the Week: Do birds choose which cars to poop on? If they do, how do they decide? – https://www.teachingexpertise.com/classroom-ideas/funny-philosophical-questions/

Puzzle of the Week: From Joseph Young, who conducts the blog Puzzleria!. Name a musical instrument + part of that instrument. Drop the last letter of the instrument. Then rearrange all the remaining letters to name another musical instrument. What is it? --NPR Sunday Puzzle 11/25/23

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: After 45 years of research and study, the best advice I can give to people is to be a little kinder to each other. --Aldous Huxley

When the Faber University basketball team won the national championship, the fans turned off the Xbox and went to bed. (Animal House) / The Hillman College basketball team is in transition this year, going from bad to worse. (Different World)

..........It's been a long, a long time coming..........Lou Rawls …..A Change Is Gonna Come

^ The first Holmes novel, A Study in Scarlet, was published in the 1887 Beeton's Christmas Annual. Doyle was just 27 at the time and claimed it took him only three weeks to write the entire thing.

Almanac: It is Friday, December 1, 2023. The moon will go into the last quarter on Tuesday (12/5) and is in Cancer. The United Nations has declared this World AIDS Day. It is Antarctica Day, Basketball Day, Civil Air Patrol Day, Clark Kent's Birthday (Superman), Day Without Art, Mawlid Al Nabi, Rosa Parks Day, and Faux Fur Friday. Because it is the first Friday in December it is also National Salesperson Day.

Among those born on this day were Juan de Padilla (1605), Quellien (1634), Francesco Stradivari (1671), John Keill (1671), Bernhard Weber (1712), Oliver Wolcott (1726), Martin Klaproth (1743), Pyotr Turchainov (1779), Princess Alexandra (1844), Rex Stout (1886), Ernst Toller (1893), Robert Welch (1899), Charles Finney (1905), Ike Isaacs (1919), Leon Biriotti (1929), Woody Allen (Allen Stuart Konigsberg, 1935), Lou Rawls (1935 or 36), Richard Pryor (1940), and Bette Midler (1945).

On December first the Lombard League was formed (1167), first manual training school opened in north America (Maryland, 1750), Santo Domingo proclaimed independence from Spain (1821), Hans Christian Andersen published his first book of fairy tales (1835), the first telephone was installed in the white house (1878)**, Sherlock Holmes first appeared in print (1887), Naismith created basketball (1891), Boys Town was founded (1917), Milne's "Mr Pim Passes By" premiered (Manchester, 1919), Lady Nancy Astor was sworn-in as the first female member of the British Parliament (1919), the US saw its first skywriting (1922), BINGO was invented (1929), gasoline was rationed (1942), Rosa Parks was arrested for refusing to move to the back of the bus (1955), Flower Drum Song opened (1958), the People's Democratic Republic of Yemen changed its name (from Independent People's Republic of South Yemen, 1970), Angola was admitted to the UN (1976), Thriller was released (1982), the Musee d'orsay opened (Paris, 1986), the Ukrainian people voted for independence (1991), and Westinghouse formally changed its name to CBS (1997).

**One (1) was the first telephone number for the White House. The phone was in the telegraph room. In fact, the Treasury Department possessed the only other direct phone line to the White House at that time. (Hoover was the first to have a real phone in the oval office. -1929)

Night Sky, 12/1: Two faint fuzzies naked-eye: The Andromeda Galaxy (M31) and the Perseus Double Cluster are two of the most famous deep-sky objects. They're both cataloged as 4th magnitude, and in a fairly good sky you can see each with the unaided eye. Binoculars make them easier. They're located only 22° apart, very high toward the east early these evenings — to the right of Cassiopeia and closer below Cassiopeia, respectively. But they look rather different, the more so the darker your sky. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Max and Ollie and their grandpa John

This Week: Saturday, December 2 – Bike Shop Saturday & National Mutt Day & Play Outside Day

Sunday, December 3 – Be A Blessing Day & International Baboon Day & International Day of Person With Disabilities

Night Sky, 12/3: Polaris is, as always, due north. This is the time of year when the Little Dipper extends lower left from it in the early evening. The only moderately bright stars of the Little Dipper are Polaris and Kochab, the star marking the lip of its bowl. Both are 2nd magnitude. They're 17° apart. How much of the rest of the faint Little Dipper can you make out between them, if any, given the quality of your sky? By about 11 pm. Kochab has swung to be straight under Polaris.

Monday, December 4 – National Cheetah Day & National Cookie Day & National Sock Day

Tuesday, December 5 – AFL-CIO Day &World Soil Day & Krampusnacht

Wednesday, December 6 – International Day to End Femicide & Mitten Tree Day

Night Sky, 12/6: Mercury, magnitude –0.4, glimmers very low in the southwest in early twilight. Look for it about 30 or 40 minutes after sunset. Binoculars help. Nothing else in that area is nearly as bright.

Thursday, December 7 – Chanukah & National Cotton Candy Day & Brune's New Heart Day

I used to be addicted to college basketball, but I've rebounded. / A snake from the biology lab at Phogbound University swallowed a basketball. It was a bounding baby boa. (Li'l Abner)

..........Did you ever know that you're my hero..........Bette Midler …..The Wind Beneath My Wings

^^ 70 actors have played Sherlock Holmes.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Creationism: The belief that Kirk Cameron knows more than Stephen Hawking. --Submitted by IIWSPIBH

Moonbeam: I have never regarded myself as this or that. --Rex Stout

Video of the Week: The Ike Isaac's Trio: Walk On By (3:02) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygEc7xvKaBw

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: I'm the guy who makes a black hat with a buckle look sexy. I'm your Billgrim, Bill Kurtis. ... You wouldn't believe the crazy stuff that's in Leviticus. Did you know it's a sin to have a voice this sultry? --Bill Kurtis Heh, heh, heh, I'm your bievil twin. --Bill Kurtis This message will self-destruct in 5 seconds. It's Mission Impossibill. --Bill Kurtis --Wait Wait Don't Tell Me ...various episodes.

You must never be fearful about what you are doing when it is right. --Rosa Parks

The star player on the Imperial Academy basketball team is Kobe Wan Kenobi. (Star Wars) / I don't usually roll a joint, but when I do it's my ankle.

..........What in the world do you think I see..........Lou Rawls …..Season Of The Witch

^^^ Holmes lived at 221B Baker Street in London.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If money is the root of all evil, how come they ask for it in church? --Submitted by ff of ks

Weird Word of the Week: Petrichor – the earthy smell produced when rain hits the ground. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petrichor ~~The original Greek seems to mean stone soup.

Dragon of the Week: Southlake Carroll High School Basketball Dragon

FYI of the Week: If I had pictures of Max and Ollie in dragon costumes, they would have been here instead of this lightning breathing lizard with a mane.

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Help outdoor potted plants survive the winter. Place the pot inside a Glad Trash Bag, fill the bag with Bubble Wrap to insulate the plant roots and the pot (to prevent cracking). Seal the bag tightly around the truck of the plant, and set the pot on top of a wood block so it is raised off the ground. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/bubblewrap2.html

What do the stock market and the StarFleet Academy basketball team season ticket holders have in common? They both get negative returns. (Star Trek) / The Monster University basketball team made cheese on the side to pay for expenses. It was called Swish Cheese. (Monster U)

...........Raising Cain until we got exiled..........Bette Midler …..The Witches Are Back

^^^^ Mrs Hudson rented rooms to Sherlock Holmes.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: While trying to figure out if insurance would cover her medical bills, Flo's mind wandered to simpler topics like quantum physics. --Submitted by ff of ks

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: MCM Comic Con (1-3, Birmingham, AL) Here's everything you need for a family day out. https://www.mcmcomiccon.com/birmingham/en-us/home.html

Actual Science Conference of the Week: ~~Apparently STEM people party so hardy at Thanksgiving that they need a couple of weeks to recoup. There are no math or science events that I could find.

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Cello + Bow → cowbell

The South Harmon Institute of Technology basketball team is considering changing their name to the Possums because they play dead at home and die on the road. (Accepted) / The Tech University basketball team only eats that they can dunk. (He's Got Game)

..........Beneath a hazy purple sky..........Lou Rawls …..I Wish It Were Yesterday

^^^^^ The original Sherlock Holmes stories officially consist of 4 novels and 56 short stories.

Should Have Been in Last Week's gRateful ePistle of the Week: While it's not commonly mentioned, the Pilgrims and the Natives were thankful to Keith Richards for providing the entertainment. --Submitted by cj of ks

Quote of the Week: Fox news did to our parents what our parents were afraid video games would do to us. --Stephen King

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Getting older might slow me down but it certainly hasn't shut me up. --Submitted by ss of kc

Today's Peace of History, December 1, 1966: Comedian Dick Gregory was convicted in Olympia, WA for his participation in a Nisqually Native American fishing rights protest.

The Adams University basketball team is like a treasury bond except that bonds eventually mature. (Revenge of the Nerds) / A pumpkin is playing point gourd for the Academe of Pure and Applied Sciences basketball team. (Signal to Noise)

..........Hug and kiss all through the night..........Bette Midler …..Do You Want To Dance

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, December 1, 2023, ePistle hOops. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: The fixed stars appear to be of different bignesses, not because they really are so, but because they are not all equally distant from us; those that are nearest will excel in Luster and Bigness; the more remote stars will give a fainter Light, and appear smaller to the eye. --John Keill

• Cost of War:
• As of 11/30/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $222,823,280,690.
• As of 11/24/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $222,324,929,987.
• As of 11/30/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,151,472,031,378.
• As of 11/24/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,180,080,058,153.
• As of 11/30/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,153,739,165,521.
• As of 11/24/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,153,197,831,389.
• As of 11/30/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,381,122,848,903.
• As of 11/24/23 Veterans Care since 2001:$3,370,570,897,351.
• As of 11/30/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,056,728,977,283.
• As of 11/24/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,055,672,054,470.
• As of 11/30/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,995,888,476,487.
• As of 11/24/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,981,847,505,421.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

I believe we are here on the planet Earth to live, grow up, and do what we can to make this world a better place for all people to enjoy freedom. --Rosa Parks

Famous Last Words: We need the eggs. --Woody Allen Annie Hall

..........You know, it's not easy to keep love flowing smooth..........Lou Rawls …..Lady Love

During the last national championship game the refs had to carry mops and buckets because there was so much dribbling. / The Trump University basketball team (Go, Golden Chickens!) never won anything because they committed to many fowls. (fake university, real life)

May Peace make your points
And Joy run your court
prairie mama
christine

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gRateful ePistle

 Famous First Words: Alexa! Say grace.

Hope you had a great Thanksgiving. I can't cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal and maybe toast. --Charlie Brown / Thanksgiving Day, man – not a good day to be my pants. --Kevin James

….......Traveled down the road and back again.........Andrew Gold …..Thank You For Being A Friend

Even if one takes every reefer madness allegation of the prohibitionists at face value, marijuana prohibition has done far more harm to far more people than marijuana ever could. --William F Buckley Jr

It is a breezy Friday morning and I am waiting... I am waiting for a visit from Max and Ollie and their mom (my granddaughter) and dad and maybe David, my grandson, and his wife. I'm too excited to care about the wind in the willow or the lack of leaves on the mulberry. I am waiting until I find and remove child hazards that only exist in an all adult house. I am still concerned about hazards. I am waiting to proof this ePistle because I spent my editing day cooking turkey and eating. I am apologizing in advance for the typos and mistakes. I am waiting for Ferlinghetti to come and haunt me for using his poetry this way. Love you all...

Hope your weekend gives you reason to be thankful, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You can't just leave those who created the problem in charge of the solution. --Tyree Scott

The turkey. The sweet potatoes. The stuffing. The pumpkin pie. Is there anything else we all can agree so vehemently about? I don't think so. --Nora Ephron / Thanksgiving: bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1836. ==Unknown

..........Dance to the music all night long.........Sly & the Family Stone …..Thank You

Trivia Questions: The National Rifle Association turns 152 today.

• ^ What was the reason for founding the NRA?
• ^^ Who chartered the NRA?
• ^^^ What was the reaction of the NRA to the first gun control bill, National Firearms Act of 1934?
• ^^^^ When did the NRA become a political organization?
• ^^^^^ Do you know who currently runs the NRA?

Big Hello: Mlumeleng - Lozi (Zimbabwe, Botswana, Democratic Republic of the Congo, & Namibia) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We don't have to go to war every time the CEO of Raytheon needs to buy a new house for his mistress.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 72% of librarians just want to hear that someone enjoyed their book recommendation. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year. --R P O'Rourke / Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover that once a year is way too often. --Johnny Carson

….......I could sing these songs, as I often do.........Brandon Lake …..Gratitude

Moonbeam: In all disputes between conflicting governments, it is our interest not less than our duty to remain strictly neutral. --Zachary Taylor

Question of the Week: Why does it take so long for quicksand to work? https://liveboldandbloom.com/04/self-improvement/funny-philosophical

Puzzle of the Week: Name a certain country. Change one letter in its name to a new letter and rearrange the result to name another country's capital. Then change one letter in that and rearrange the result to name another country. What geographical names are these?

Next Good Thing I Read of the Week: Grief hits hard around this time of year. Remember to BE KIND. -- mby cf of ks

A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear them consider saying, “that smells good” to be helping. --Jimmy Fallon / You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. --Jay Leno

..........And everything you do.........Otis Redding …..I Want To Thank You

^ The National Rifle Association of America (NRA) was founded in New York state in 1871 as a governing body for the sport of shooting with rifles and pistols.

Almanac: It is Friday, November 24, 2023. The moon will be full (Beaver) on Monday and is in Aries. It is Brownielocks Day, Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day, D.B. Cooper Day, Random Acts of Kindness Friday, and in Massachusetts it is John F Kennedy Day (1963).

Among those born on this day were Spinoza (1632), Laurence Sterne (1713), Zachary Taylor (1784), Frances Hodgson Burnett (1849), Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec (1864), Scott Joplin (1868), Dale Carnegie (1888), John Lindsay (1921), William F Buckley, Jr. (1925), Ted Bundy (1946), and Denise Crosby (1957).

On November twenty-eighth the Era of Maccabees began (166 BC), Tasman "discovered" Tasmania (1642), Vesuvius erupted (1759), Darwin published "On the Origin of Species" (1859), the National Rifle Association was organized (NYC, 1871), barbed wire was patented (1874), The Mousetrap opened in London (1952), Ruby shot Oswald (1963), Apollo 12 returned to Earth (1969), and the Communist Party in Czechoslovakia resigned (1989).

Night Sky, 11/24: Does the Sun already seem to be setting about as early as it ever will? Correct. We're still a month from the winter solstice — but the Sun sets its earliest around December 7^th if you're near latitude 40° north, and already the Sun sets within only about 2 minutes of that time. A surprising result of this: The Sun actually sets a trace earlier on Thanksgiving than on Christmas — even though Christmas is famously close to solstice time! This offset of the earliest sunset from the solstice date is balanced out by the opposite happening at sunrise: The Sun doesn't rise its latest until January 4th. Blame the tilt of Earth's axis and the eccentricity of Earth's orbit . http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: The fireman and the lizard boy...The ghostbuster and the dragon...The policeman and the Kermit...Indiana Jones and Sir Gawain the Green Knight...The First Responder and the Dinosaur

This Week: Saturday, November 25 – Blase' Day & International Hat Day & Small Business Saturday

Sunday, November 26 – National Milk Day & Artist's Sunday & World Olive Tree Day

Night Sky, 11/26 : The Moon is full both this evening and tomorrow evening (because it's exactly full at 4:16 am. Monday morning EST). This evening, the glary Moon is just 1° or 2° from the Pleiades for North America. Bring binoculars.

Monday, November 27 – Slinky Day

Tuesday, November 28 – Giving Tuesday & Red Planet Day

Wednesday, November 29 – Square Dancing Day & Electronic Greetings Day & Catterntide

Night Sky, 11/29: Saturn (magnitude +0.8, in dim Aquarius) glows yellowish high in the south at nightfall. It moves lower toward the southwest as evening grows late. Fomalhaut, similarly bright, twinkles almost two fists at arm's length to Saturn's lower left.

Thursday, November 30 – Cities For Life Day & Native Women's Equal Pay Day & Stay Home Because You're Well Day

For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to grang. --Andy Borowitz / Cooking tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out. --Nicole Hollander

..........Me has bendecido con tu gracia..........Ozuna …..Gracias

^^ The National Rifle Association of America was chartered in the State of New York on November 17, 1871 by Army and Navy Journal editor William Conant Church and Captain George Wood Wingate. On November 25, 1871, the group voted to elect its first corporate officers. Union Army Civil War General Ambrose Burnside, who had worked as a Rhode Island gunsmith, was elected president

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The longer I live, the more convinced I am that this planet is used by other planets as a l lunatic asylum. --Submitted by cf of ks

Moonbeam: Only the brave know how to forgive...a coward never forgave; it is not in his nature. --Laurence Sterne

Video of the Week: Dan Rather reporting on Jack Ruby shooting Lee Harvey Oswald https://www.britannica.com/video/166057/Dan-Rather-shooting-Lee-Harvey-Oswald-Jack-September-1964 (1:11)

The best defense against usurpatory government is an assertive citizenry. --William F Buckley Jr

Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence. --Erma Bombeck / Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home. --Melanie White

..........E sei viva, sei viva.........Gino Paoli …..Grazie

^^^ Karl Frederick, NRA president in 1934, during congressional NFA hearings testified "I have never believed in the general practice of carrying weapons. I seldom carry one. I have when I felt it was desirable to do so for my own protection. I know that applies in most of the instances where guns are used effectively in self-defense or in places of business and in the home. I do not believe in the general promiscuous toting of guns. I think it should be sharply restricted and only under licenses." Four years later, the NRA backed the Federal Firearms Act of 1938.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: This house marked safe from the WKRP Turkey drop.

Weird Word of the Week: kibibytes: kibi-a prefix for multiples of 1,024. byte-measure of memory size. https://www.worldwidewords.org/turnsofphrase/tp-kib1.htm

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Protect plastic, wood, and fiberglass planters left outside during the winter months. Wrap the planter with Bubble Wrap and secure in place with Scotch Packaging Tape. The extra insulation helps protect both the plant and the planter. Or before planting, out a piece of Bubble Wrap to fit around the inside of a trera-cotta pot before filing with oil to insulate plant roots and prevent constant freezing and thawing. (Do not line the bottom of the planter to allow for drainage.) https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/bubblewrap2.html

Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. --Michael Dresser / I like football. I find it's an exciting strategic game. It's a great way to void conversation with your family at Thanksgiving. -Craig Ferguson

...........For shining your light on me.........Alicia Myers …..I Want To Thank You

^^^^ Until the 1970s, the NRA was nonpartisan. Previously, the NRA mainly focused on sportsmen, hunters, and target shooters, and downplayed gun control issues. During the 1970s, it became increasingly aligned with the Republican Party. After 1977, the organization expanded its membership by focusing heavily on political issues and forming coalitions with conservative politicians. Most of these are Republicans.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Is the Keebler Elf Cookie Monster's candyman?

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Collectorabilia Con (25^th, Green Bay, WI) ...TV/Movie Memorabilia, antiques and much much more!! https://comic-cons.xyz/event/collectorabilia-green-bay-wisconsin/

Actual Science Conference of the Week: 27^th International Electronic Conference on Synthetic Organic Chemistry (15-30, Online event out of Seattle, WA) Bioorganic, Medicinal and Natural Products Chemistry... https://www.clocate.com/the-international-electronic-conference-on-synthetic-organic-chemistry/100245/

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Spain --> Paris --> Syria

I'm looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family. --Damien Fahey / Overeating at Thanksgiving is a case in point. It''s a national tradition. --Eric Samuel Timm

.........it's so free this kind of feeling.........Beastie Boys …..Gratitude

^^^^^ The incumbent president of the NFA of America is Charles L Cotton (born November 28, 1949). He is an American attorney and gun rights advocate who has served as president of the National Rifle Association of America (NRA) since 2021. Cotton is also the moderator of TexasCHLForum.com, an online discussion forum about gun ownership.

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Every night around 10 pm, I realize it's only 5:30.

Today's Peace of History, November 24, 1869: Women and men from 21 states met in Cleveland to organize the American Women Suffrage Association, led by Lucy Stone, Henry Blackwell, Thomas Wentworth Higginson, and Julia Ward Howe. The group’s approach to enfranchisement for women was through acquiring the right to vote state-by-state.

I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it. -Robert Brault / It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring. --Friends

..........you never turned away.........Boys II Men …..Thank You

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, 2023, gRateful ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Hang in there. It is astonishing how short a time it can take for very wonderful things to happen. --Frances Hodgson Burnett

Cost of War: 

• As of 11/24/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $222, 324,929,987.
• As of 11/16/23 State Department War Costs since 2001: $221,694,850,216.
• As of 11/24/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,180,080,058,153.
• As of 11/16/23 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,178,320,284.859.
• As of 11/24/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,153,197,831,389.
• As of 11/16/23 Homeland Security since 2001: $1,152,513,482,262.
• As of 11/24/23 Veterans Care since 2001:$3,370,570,897,351.
• As of 11/16/23 Veterans Care since 2001: $3,357,231,711,941.
• As of 11/24/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,055,672,054,470.
• As of 11/16/23 Military Costs since 2001: $3,054,335,974,510.
• As of 11/24/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $,8,981,847,505,421.
• As of 11/16/23 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $8,964,098,427,547.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob. --William F Buckley Jr

Famous Last Words: Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

..........In my life I've loved them all.........The Beatles …..In My Life

The Thankstini: A Fun and delicious new novelty drink I invented. Cranberry juice, potato vodka, and a bouillon cube. Tastes just like a turkey dinner. --Barney Stinson / There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey. --Unknown

May Peace be your entree

And Joy be your dessert

prairie mama

christine

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