Automated ePistle

 Famous First Words: In accordance with the substance of my letter... Terms of Surrender of Gen R E Lee.

It's National Robotics Week (2-10) The Japanese are marketing a therapy dog named Qoobo. The question is does it byte?

I turned 78 this week. A man gave his wife a coffin for her 77^th birthday. When she turned 78 she asked why he hadn't given her a gift. He replied, “you haven't used the one I gave you last year.

..........Down in my old magnetic soled shoes.........The Incredible String Band …..Robot Blues

We must think differently, look at things a different way. Peace requires a world of new concepts, new definitions. --Yitzhak Rabin

It is a cold (35°F) Friday morning. The sky is hung with thick clouds that mask every ray of sunshine. Sidewalks are damp but no precipitation seems to be falling. I have run errands and done dishes and made breakfast, finally, I get to sit down and write to you. About time, I say.

Hope the weekend warms your cockles, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If all the atheists & agnostics left America, they'd lose 93% of The National Academy of Science and less than 1% of the prison population. --Submitted by LaughingInDisbelief

Ruby Robot chose her own epitaph: Rust In Peace.

For those getting texts from me, here's my updated texting codes: ATD – at the doctor's . BTW – bring the wheelchair / BYOT – bring your own teeth

..........We are programmed just to do anything you want us to.........Kraftwerk …..The Robots

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to Gautama the Buddha

^ What is today's name for the country in which the Buddha was born?

^^ What does the term Buddha mean?

^^^ Into what dominant religion was Gautama born?

^^^^ How many followers of Buddhism are there worldwide, more or less?

^^^^^ What are the four noble truths?

Big Hello: Ahoi – Czech https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If really good-looking people are “eye candy”, I guess that puts me somewhere around the “eye broccoli” category. --Matt Reynolds --Submitted by bc of tx

Max Picture of the Week: Max caught up in Jayhawk fever.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 99% of librarians have a favorite book that they’ll only tell you about if they’ve had too much to drink https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

I attended a Robot Convention. It was very aluminum-ating.

Every decade I have my birthday dinner at Lakeview. For my 48^th I had it because the waiters were cute and wore tight pants. For my 58^th, I went back because the prices are reasonable and the wine list is good. For my 68th birthday, I chose Lakeview because it's quiet and offers a nice view. For my 78^th birthday I went to Lakeview because I wanted to try someplace new.

..........There's a yellow glass dragon who's chasing you around.........Patrick Watson …..Love Songs for Robots

Moonbeam: To the things themselves! --Edmund Husserl

Meditation of the Week: Why do your lips not touch when you say-‘Touch’ but they do when you say-‘Separate’?

Puzzle of the Week: From listener Alan Hochbaum, of Duluth, Ga. Name part of the human body. Insert the name of another part of the human body. You'll get a brand name found at the supermarket. What is it?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of Worcestershire sauce? --Submitted by RHOZ

Week of the Week: Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of Worcestershire sauce? --Submitted by RHOZ

Good luck trying to date a robot. They're only attracted to magnets.

At 78 you become more appreciative of “the big things in life”. For example, large print crossword puzzles.

..........Flaws in the design, a sign of the time.........Dan Mangan …..Robot

^ Siddhartha was born in the village of Lumbini in modern-day Nepal. It is now an archaeology site and a place of pilgrimage.

Almanac: It is Friday, April 8, 2022. The moon goes into the first quarter tomorrow and is in Cancer. It is Buddha Day (Historical Birth Date), Draw A Bird Day, International Roma Day, National Dog Fighting Awareness Day, and Trading Cards For Grown-ups Day

Among those born on this day were Gautama Buddha (563 BCE), Ponce de león (1460), Phienas Fletcher (1582), Louis de Vadder (1605), El Greco (Domenikos Theotokopoulos , 1614), Edmund Husserl (1859), Mary Pickford (Gladys Louise Smith, 1893), Ilka Chase (1903), George Dixon (1909), Sonja Henie (1912), Carmen McRae (1920), John Gavin (1928), Douglas Trumbull (1942), Robin Wright Penn (1966), and Patricia Arquette (1968).

On April eighth the first US synagogue gathered (1730), the first fire escape was patented (1766), Catharina II of Russia annexed the Krim (1783), the aerosol dispenser was patented (1862), Lee surrendered at Appomattox (1865), milk was first sold in glass bottles (1879), the 17th amendment, requiring direct election of senators, was ratified (1913), Norway approved active and passive female suffrage (1916), the League of Nations met for the last time (1946), Truman seized the steel mills to prevent a strike (1952), Gemini 1 was launched (1964), Hank Aaron hit his 715th home run (1974), Yitzhak Rabin resigned (1977), Clint Eastwood was elected mayor of Carmel, CA (1986), Jimmy Swaggart was defrocked (1988), and Discovery F(STS-56) was launched (1993).

Night Sky, 4/8: The first-quarter Moon this evening forms a tall, nearly isosceles triangle with Pollux and Castor above it: the two top stars of the Arch of Spring. The Moon is about 8° from each. The stars are 4½° apart. The rest of the Arch of Spring consists of Procyon to the stars' lower left, and Menkalinan and then bright Capella farther to their lower right. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Celebrating a victory Kansas Style: Crowd surfing in a grocery cart

This Week: Saturday, April 9 – National Catch and Release Day & National Unicorn Day & World Circus Day

Sunday, April 10 – Global Day to End Child Sexual Abuse & Safety Pin Day & ASPCA Day

Night Sky, 4/10: Right after dark, Orion is still well up in the southwest in his spring orientation: striding down to the right, with his belt horizontal. The belt points left toward Sirius and right toward Aldebaran and, farther on, the Pleiades.

Monday, April 11 – Barbershop Quartet Day & National Pet Day & Submarine Day

Tuesday, April 12 – Big Wind Day & National D.E.A.R. (Drop Everything And Red) Day

Wednesday, April 13 – Scrabble Day & Make Lunch Count Day & Thomas Jefferson Day

Night Sky, 4/13: Uranus (magnitude 5.9 in Aries) is disappearing into the afterglow of sunset.

Thursday, April 14 – National Dolphin Day & National Pecan Day & Pan American Day

I had a robot professor in college. It taught history and it just droned on and on.

Did you know that you could prevent old age sagging by simply eating until the wrinkles disappear.

...........Domo arigato misuta Robotto.........Styx …...Mr Roboto

^^ Buddha is the past participle of the Sanskrit root budh meaning to awaken or to know.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I found $20 in the parking lot and I thought to myself: What Would Jesus Do? So, I turned it into wine. --Submitted by bc of tx

Moonbeam: Pure phenomenology claims to be the science of pure phenomena. --Edmund Husserl ~~It's sometimes hard to take philosophers seriously.

Strange Fact of the Week: I never make the same mistake twice. I do it like, five or six times, you know, to make sure.

Video of the Week: Roy Zimmerman singing Thoughts & Prayers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hdX1MUOgQw ~~Zimmerman is giving a free online concert on April 14, 5 pm PDT. Here's the link: https://youtu.be/NpXR5Oriewg

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: It starts out like you'd expect...lots of calls to Rudy Guilianni via the white house switchboard and then a call to Steven Miller by drawing a pentagram on the floor. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 4/2/22 ~~On Trump's 7 1/2 hour gaps in phone calls.

 Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed, but I do say no more than 10 to 20 million killed, tops! Uh, depending on the breaks. --Dr Strangelove

The KU crew team now allows androids to join. They call them rowbots.

78 is the new... ah … wait ... what was I saying?

..........Scientists and engineers have already invented.........Alberto Camerini …..Rock 'n' Roll Robot

^^^ The dominant religion in India at the time was Hinduism (Sanatan Dharma, “Eternal Order”) but a number of thinkers of the period had begun to question its validity and the authority of the Vedas (the Hindu scriptures) as well as the practices of the priests.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: At our age, we can hide our own Easter Eggs, wait half an hour, and have no clue where we put them. --Submitted by ss of kc

Weird Word of the Week: Kibibyte – 1,024, i.e. 2 to the power of 10. (ki – kilo plus bi – binary plus bytes) https://www.worldwidewords.org/turnsofphrase/tp-kib1.htm

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie chair dancing

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Soothe sunburn, windburn, and prickly heat. Dissolve one-half cup baking soda in a tepid bath. Soak in the bath for fifteen minutes. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/armhammer2.html

Roy Robot never gets the right answer to math problems you give him. It's because his intelligence is artificial.

78 is only 25/ ½ in Celcius.

...........the dust and the screaming.........Radiohead …..Paranoid Android

^^^^ According to scholar Peter Harvey, the number of adherents of Eastern Buddhism (Mahayana) is 360 million, Southern Buddhism (Theravada) 150 million, and Northern Buddhism (Vajrayana) 18.2 million. Seven million additional Buddhists are found outside Asia. This equals 525.2 million. This ranks fifth behind Christianity, Islam, Unaffiliated, and Hinduism.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Fact: Easter Egg Hunts prove that your children can find things when they want to! --Submitted by RHOZ

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: 2022 FanExpo (8-10, Philadelphia) Three days of fun-filled, fan culture. https://fanexpohq.com/fanexpophiladelphia/

Vintage Players One Liner of the Week: I've traveled a long way and a lot of the roads were not paved.

Actual Science Conference of the Week: World Conference on Sustainability, Energy & Environment (8-10, Paris, France) ...the scientific committee of STECONF hand-picks the most relevant and pressing issues that can make the biggest impact... https://www.steconf.org/conference/world-conference-on-sustainability-energy-and-environment/

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: arm, chin → Charmin

The team of prosecutors has a robot member, It's used for robot-tals.

At 78, your candles cost more than your cake.

..........and I like to dance and clap and jump.........Kymberly Stewart …..I Am A Robot

^^^^^ 4 Noble Truths: 1) The truth of suffering 2) the truth of the cause of suffering 3) the truth of the end of suffering 4) the truth of the path that leads to an end to suffering.

My Own Writing of the Week: Therapy Poem Rewound

Right here

in Kansas City

at 31st & Holmes

I found a shop that offers

among other services -

appliance repair and

motor overhaul -

REWINDING

And I realized that

for some time now

without my really knowing it

I have needed

to be

REWOUND!

Quote of the Week: Librarian...because Research Wizard isn't an official title. --The Caffeinated Bookworm

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Bible changed my life completely. It made me an atheist. --Submitted by LaughingInDisbelief

Today's Peace of History, April 8, 1952: President Harry S. Truman attempted to nationalize the steel industry in order to avert a nationwide strike. He was concerned about a shortage of steel needed for the war effort in Korea. A strike by the United Steelworkers of America was scheduled to begin on April 9, 1952, but President Harry S Truman nationalized the American steel industry hours before the workers walked out. The steel companies sued to regain control of their facilities. On June 2, 1952, in a landmark decision, the United States Supreme Court ruled in Youngstown Sheet & Tube Co. v. Sawyer, 343 U.S. 579 (1952), that the president lacked the authority to seize the steel mills. The Steelworkers struck to win a wage increase. The strike lasted 53 days, and ended on July 24, 1952, on essentially the same terms the union had proposed four months earlier.

Japan is developing a ninja robot. It can make noodles and fight wars. It's called the Ramen-nator.

Despite all the recent advances in medical science there is still not cure for turning 78.

..........I'll be waitin'.........Klaypex …..Robot Love

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle April 8, 2022, Automated ePistle, Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS

Moonbeam: We would be in a nasty position indeed if empirical science were the only kind of science possible. --Edmund Husserl

Cost of War:

As of 4/07/22 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $174,974,683,258

As of 3/31/22 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $174,416,133,483.

As of 4/07/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,047,825,954,294.

As of 3/31/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,046,265,361,117.

As of 4/07/22 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,101,765,802,900.

As of 3/31/22 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,101,158,788,099.

As of 4/07/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,368,052,120.646 .

As of 3/31/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,353,220,643.504 .

As of 4/07/22 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,955,256,885,644.

As of 3/31/22 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,954,071,971,058.

As of 4/07/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,647,875,242,653.

As of 3/31/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,632,135,948,565.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

It is necessary to love peace and sacrifice for it. --Martin Luther King Jr.

Famous Last Words: ...it becomes valid as part of the Constitution. The 17^th Amendment to the US Constitution

..........An oily tear he's crying.........Pornophonique …..Sad Robot

Being this awesome took 77 years of practice.

Freddie made his robot out of wood because it was organic.

May Peace attend your years

And Joy celebrate you moments

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Ludicrous ePistle

Famous First Words: Balloon Tying for Christ was the cheapest balloon manual I could find. --Clown Girl by Monica Drake

Happy Reading Is Funny Day! Here are some amusing passages to prove it. As a boy, I wanted to be a train. --Machine Man by Max Barry / For the better part of my childhood, my professional aspirations were simple,--I wanted to be an intergalactic princess. --Seven Up by Janet Evanovich

..........That's the way to relax.........Willie Dixon …..Walkin' the Blues

Look, all administrations, all governments lie, all officials lie and nothing they say is to be believed. That's a pretty good rule. --Daniel Ellsberg (born April 7, 1931)

It is a cool (41°F) but sunny Friday morning. The cloud is painted with small puffy clouds and the birds are singing pictures to the day. The birdsong varies; here is a small conversation from a couple of unknown ethnicity who are flipping an old abandoned nest. The only heated part of the discussion seemed to be about where to hang the Picasso. And a murder of crows passing through sing matins of praise of the sun which remained veiled for several days past. Nice to see you, my shiny friend, nice to feel your warm smile. The world still smells of the rain, damp ground, new growth foliage, and wet dog feet. The aroma of spring – organic, earthy, so not-stuck-in-the-house “eau d' outdoors”. But I am in now, done with my errands, freshly fortified with decaf (vanilla nut cream) and ready to wish you a Silly April Fool's Day !!!!

Hope your weekend is foolishly wonderful or wonderfully foolish, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Don't tell me how to be a witch. If I wanted rules, I'd go to church. --Submitted by MMS

It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression “As pretty as an airport” --The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul by Douglas Adams / If you're going to read this, don't bother. --Choke by Chuck Palahniuk

..........Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind.......Jimmy Cliff …....I Can See Clearly Now

Trivia Questions: It's Yo-yo's birthday!

^ The yo-yo is obviously older than 93 years, how old do you think it is?

^^ Do you know which budding capitalist popularized the yo-yo in the US?

^^^ What are yo-yos made out of?

^^^^ The Challenger took several toys including a yo-yo into space. What happened?

^^^^^ How many yo-yos were sold in the US last year?

Big Hello: Komosta – Cuyonon (Philippines) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: In the 1950s, somebody or other warned us that children growing up reading comic books would become serial killers and/or slackers. But that wasn't the real danger; the real results are that 70 years later our politicians can only think in tiny speech bubbles and every other movie made has a comic book theme.

Max Picture of the Week: Max and the Teeny, Tiny Puddle

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 76% of library staff have had a sword fight with those old-fashioned newspaper sticks. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

I come from Des Moines. Somebody has to. --The Lost Continent by Bill Bryson / Oh, how I regret not having worn a bikini for the entire year I was twenty-six. If anyone young is reading this, go, right this minute, put on a bikini, and don't take it off until you're thirty-four. --I Feel Bad About My Neck by Nora Ephron

..........Good enough for me.........Willie Dixon …..Spoonful

Moonbeam: The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes. --Nikolai Gogol

Meditation of the Week: What if all that we see, and seem to see, is just God's little April fools joke on us.

Puzzle of the Week: Challenge based on an idea by listener Jeff Lande, of Minneapolis. If a BOY is 5,839, and a COW is 6,874, how much is a FISH? --NPR Puzzle Sunday 3/27/22

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Welcome to Spring where no matter what jacket you pick, you're wrong. --Submitted by INRITH

Week of the Week: Laugh At Work Week (1-7) –Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. / I had a job at Minute Maid but I got fired because I couldn't concentrate.

There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it. --The Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C S Lewis / If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdhlaseu yt[bn[ oasdkgjgasdfasdf. --Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid by Lemony Snicket

..........But I can't seem to find my way over........Jimmy Cliff …..Many Rivers To Cross

^ There's a Greek vase painting from around 500 BC that shows a boy playing with a yo-yo — that's over 2,500 years old! They made their yo-yos from wood, metal, and terracotta. During the 18th century, the yo-yo became very popular all over Europe. Everyone liked playing with yo-yos and there are reports of young King Louis XVII playing with one, Napoleon and his army had yo-yos at their famous Battle of Waterloo, and even the Prince of Wales played with them.

Almanac: It is Friday, April 1, 2022. The moon is full today (1:27 or 1:25 am CDT ~~both claim to be “exact”) and is in Aries. It is April Fools Day aka All Fools Day aka St Stupid Day, Atheist Day, International Tatting Day, Library Snap Shot Day, Myles Day, National Fun Day, National Fun at Work Day, Poetry & The Creative Mind Day, and Reading is Funny Day. Because it is the first Friday it is Hospital Admitting Clerks Day and National Walk To Work Day. In Massachusetts it is Student Government Day and the US Air force celebrates Academy Day. Finally in Sri Lanka it is the Sinhala/Tamil New Year.

Among those born on this day were Ludwig IV (Bavaria, 1283), William Harvey (1578), Gaspar de Crayer (1582), Franz Josef Haydn (1732), Edouard Corbiere (1793),Otto Von Bismarck (1815), Edward Austin Abbey (1852), Edmond Rostand (1868), Rachmaninov (1873), Wallace Beery (1886), Walter Kaufmann (1907), Willy Dixon (1915), Anne McCaffrey (1926), Gordon Jump (1932), Ali MacGraw (1939), Samuel R. Delany, Jr. (1942), and Jimmy Cliff (1948).

On April first English guilds came under state control (1504), Jonathan Swift published Drapier's letters (1724), the ruins of Pompeii were found (1748), the US House of Representatives met for the first full session (1789)**, the internal combustion engine was patented (1826), the San Francisco County government was established (1850), the first dishwashing machine was marketed (1889), Gauguin left Marseille for Tahiti (1891), the first national women's swimming championships were held (1916), Danish state radio made its first transmission (1925), Victrola introduced the first automatic record changer (1927), the Yo-Yo was introduced (1929), Jackie Mitchell became the first female in professional baseball (1931), Watch on the Rhine premiered (1941), Weight Watchers formed (1946), the Big Bang Theory was first proposed (1952), the US Air Force Academy was established (1954), the first world festival of black art was held (Senegal, 1966), John and Yoko formed a new country with no laws or boundaries with a national anthem of silence (Nutopia, 1973), and the Warsaw Pact officially dissolved (1991).

** The House on April Fool's Day – someone should have taken that as an omen.

Night Sky, 4/1: This is the time of year when the dim Little Dipper juts to the right from Polaris (the Little Dipper's handle-end) during late evening. The much brighter Big Dipper curls high above it, "dumping water" into it. They do the reverse water dump in the fall. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: The very strange Men's Midwestern Division Championship T-shirt with the Jayhawk Scissors (for cutting down nets)

This Week: Saturday, April 2 – International Pillow Fight Day & Reconciliation Day

Sunday, April 3 – Find a Rainbow Day & Ramadan begins & Weed Out Hate Day

Night Sky, 4/5 : Castor and Pollux shine together very high to the southwest after dark, far above Orion. Pollux is slightly the brighter of these "twins." Draw a line from Castor through Pollux, follow it farther out by a big 26° (about 2½ fist-widths at arm's length), and you're at the dim head of Hydra, the Sea Serpent.

Monday, April 4 – Vitamin C Day & World Rat Day

Tuesday, April 5 – National Library Workers Day & Read a Road Map Day

Wednesday, April 6 – National Walking Day & Tartan Day

Night Sky, 5/6: Venus, magnitude –4.4, is the bright "Morning Star" shining low in the southeast during dawn.

Thursday, April 7 – Celebrate Teen Literature Day & Metric System Day & New Beers Eve

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Clarence and Ginni Thomas: putting the coup in couple.

“There's a door,” he whispered. “Where does it go?” “It stays where it is, I think,” said Rincewind. --Eric by Terry Pratchett / Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people were always impressed by how unimpressive he was. --Catch-22 by Joseph Heller

..........You know you're my one desire.........Willie Dixon …..I Can't Quit You Baby

^^ A Filipino American man named Pedro Flores opened up a toy factory in California in the 1920s and became the first person to make modern yo-yos. They became so popular that businessman Donald Duncan bought Pedro's company and wound up making 3,600 yo-yos a year in the town of Luck, Wisconsin which is now known as the "Yo-Yo Capital of the World!"

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I just saw a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit...it was a lamb bikini.

Moonbeam: For a great nose indicates a great man. -- Edmond Rostand

Strange Fact of the Week: The more I get to know people, the more I realize why Noah only let animals on the boat.

Video of the Week: 21 seconds of Bill Self and the KU team celebrating their victory over Miami with liquids https://www.on3.com/college/kansas-jayhawks/news/bill-self-tries-locker-room-sneak-attack-during-celebration-kansas-jayhawks-celebrate-final-four-ncaa-tournament/

Shameless Self Promotion of the Week: On Tuesday, April 5, 2022 at 6:30 pm in the Centennial Room of the KS Memorial Union (1301 Jayhawk Blvd, 66045), the Women, Gender, & Sexuality Studies will present Celebrating 50 Years of the February Sisters. Robin Morgan will be projected by zoom link and a panel of the original sisters will talk about their experience and the changes in the university and the world since then. I will be one of those sisters on the panel. Come by if you can – a reception follows. I'm sure it will be online somewhere eventually and I'll probably post it in the ePistle when it shows up. Before the 6:30 program, there will be a carillon recital called Sister Songs. During the month of April there will be 3 other programs: one at the library Thursday, 4/7 about women in politics. Kathleen Sebelious will be there and Sharice Davids is sending a video. It's Called Listening To All Voices: Women in Politics. On Tuesday 4/12 at the union, WE DEMAND: The call for Healthcare, Childcare, Affirmative Action & Leadership Reforms. The final program is also in the union Thursday, 4/14: 50 Years Late: Current Student Activism at KU.

We need the courage at last to face honestly the true reality of what we are doing in the world and act responsibly to change it. --Daniel Ellsberg

There are moments, Jeeves,when one asks oneself, “Do trousers matter?” --The Code of the Woosters by P G Wodehouse / Housework, if you do it right, will kill you. –If Life Is A Bowl Of Cherries, What Am I Doing In The Pits by Erma Bombeck

..........We come together when the feeling's right.......Jimmy Cliff …..Reggae Night

^^^ Yo-Yos weren't made out of plastic until the 1960s. They were originally made out of wood, which meant they had an uneven spin because of the variations in wood density! In the 1990s, they began to make them out of metal.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Ego and Superego walk into a bar. The bartender says, “I'm gonna need to see some Id. --Submitted by Heinlein Society

Weird Word of the Week: Jobbernowl: It’s from old French jobard, from jobe, silly. That word was then added to noll, the top or crown of the head, the noddle. The first sense was of a blocky or stupid-looking head, but was soon extended to refer to the quality of the mind within. https://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-job1.htm

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie swinging with grandpa Tom

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Soothe poison ivy rash or insect bites. Make a past of Arm & Hammer Baking Soda and water, and apply to the affected area. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/armhammer2.html

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness. --The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde / Mrs Ramsay did in her own heart infinitely prefer boobies to clever men who wrote dissertations. --To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf

...........Just like a hurricane (Didn't have a chance).........Willie Dixon …..You Shook Me

^^^^ Back in 1985, NASA had a "Toys In Space" project as part of their Space Shuttle Discovery mission. They took 11 toys into space, including a yo-yo. They hoped to see what effect microgravity (aka weightlessness) would have on it. They discovered that you could release the yo-yo, but without the downward force of gravity it wouldn't "sleep" (that's where it keeps spinning at the end of the string) and would come back up the string. The most fun thing about this short video is that the yo-yo goes out instead of down. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzSt8t7jsdo

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If religions advocate peace, then why aren't their extremists extremely peaceful? --Submitted by MMS

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Earp-a-palooza 2022 (1-3, Columbus, OH) Earp-a-palooza is the first US fan convention dedicated to SYFY's hit TV show, Wynonna Earp. https://www.earpapalooza.com/

Vintage Players One Liner of the Week: Have you ever noticed: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

Actual Science Conference of the Week: 37^th Annual Space Symposium: (4-7, Colorado Springs, CO) --Year after year, the Space Symposium keeps up its reputation as the "must attend" space industry event.
Come see what everyone's talking about. Website

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: FISH = 953,161. You get the answer from looking at corresponding numbers on the periodic table of the elements. For example, B stands for boron (#5), O stands for oxygen (#8), and Y stands for yttrium (#39), which go together to make 5,839. Similarly, F is fluorine (#9), I is iodine (#53), S is sulfur (#16), and H is hydrogen (#1), which go together to make the answer.

We stared into the face of Death and Death blinked first. You'd think that would make us feel brave and invincible. It didn't. --The Fifth Wave by Rick Yancey / Almost any concept of idea in the world can be expressed through comparison with a classic Warner Brothers cartoon. --The Fold by Peter Clines

..........Beautiful people.......Jimmy Cliff …..Wonderful World

^^^^^ As recently as 1985, fewer than 500,000 yo-yos were sold. Last year, roughly 12 million were sold, the majority of them made at the Duncan factory. The company’s slogan is, “If it’s not a Duncan, it’s not a yo-yo”/

My Own Writing of the Week: Apollo and Daphne's was a brief affair, hardly more than a millennium. It was, naturally, whirlwindish and noisy.

Apollo had just finished Divinity School and was on holiday before settling down to the work of forming his worship, choosing a priesthood, writing liturgies, and the other endless administrative tasks of godheadhood. He was backpacking in the mountains and had set up camp under a laurel tree.

Yeah, you guessed it. The tree was really Daphne getting a moon tan. She watched with growing interest and lust (causing her leaves to make giggling movements) as he did his evening deity exercises which consisted of gleaming various colors. He was as yet still learning and on occasion still got greens and browns mixed with the pure pinks and purples. Since it was a holiday and he wasn't serious, he soon began shooting beams at clouds to see if he could set them aflame. --From Daphne and Apollo

Quote of the Week: News is what somebody somewhere wants to suppress; all the rest is advertising. --Lord Northcliffe

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If something is not eating your plants, then your garden is not part of the ecosystem. --Submitted by bu of ks

Today's Peace of History, April 1, 1916: The first US national women's swimming championships were held. I have not been able to find the names of women who swam or winners.

I Lied!..Post Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If Trump goes to prison, does he have Secret Service protection? --Submitted by do of or (I think)

The look he shot his sister could've given her a free chemical peel. --Christmas With You by Tracey Alverez / If people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane. --Looking for Alaska by John Green

..........Look at the skies and predict the rain.........Willie Dixon …..The Seventh Son

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle April 1, 2022, Ludicrous ePistle Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS

Moonbeam: A real scientist solves problems, not wails that they are unsolvable. --Anne McCaffrey

Cost of War:

As of 3/31/22 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $174,416,133,483.

As of 3/24/22 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $173,877,225,693.

As of 3/31/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,046,265,361,117.

As of 3/24/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,044,760,222,905.

As of 3/31/22 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,101,158,788,099.

As of 3/24/22 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,100,573,474,401.

As of 3/31/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,353,220,643.504 .

As of 3/24/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,344.811,607.345 .

As of 3/31/22 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,954,071,971,058.

As of 3/24/22 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,952,292,238,972.

As of 3/31/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,632,135,948,565.

As of 3/24/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,616,955,599,473.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

There should be at least one leak like the Pentagon Papers every year. --Daniel Ellsberg

Famous Last Words: I will do my best. --JoSHUA Watch on the Rhine by Lillian Hellman ~~Although another source says it is by Dashiell Hammett ..a mystery...

..........Take your stand where you belong.......Jimmy Cliff …..Now And Forever

I do desire we may be better strangers. --As You Like It by William Shakespeare / When you are traveling you really ought to take advantage of what you can not do at home. --Gentlemen Prefer Blondes by Anita Loos

May Peace find you ever joyful

And Joy find you ever peaceful

prairie mama

christine

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