Ludicrous ePistle

Famous First Words: Balloon Tying for Christ was the cheapest balloon manual I could find. --Clown Girl by Monica Drake

Happy Reading Is Funny Day! Here are some amusing passages to prove it. As a boy, I wanted to be a train. --Machine Man by Max Barry / For the better part of my childhood, my professional aspirations were simple,--I wanted to be an intergalactic princess. --Seven Up by Janet Evanovich

..........That's the way to relax.........Willie Dixon …..Walkin' the Blues

Look, all administrations, all governments lie, all officials lie and nothing they say is to be believed. That's a pretty good rule. --Daniel Ellsberg (born April 7, 1931)

It is a cool (41°F) but sunny Friday morning. The cloud is painted with small puffy clouds and the birds are singing pictures to the day. The birdsong varies; here is a small conversation from a couple of unknown ethnicity who are flipping an old abandoned nest. The only heated part of the discussion seemed to be about where to hang the Picasso. And a murder of crows passing through sing matins of praise of the sun which remained veiled for several days past. Nice to see you, my shiny friend, nice to feel your warm smile. The world still smells of the rain, damp ground, new growth foliage, and wet dog feet. The aroma of spring – organic, earthy, so not-stuck-in-the-house “eau d' outdoors”. But I am in now, done with my errands, freshly fortified with decaf (vanilla nut cream) and ready to wish you a Silly April Fool's Day !!!!

Hope your weekend is foolishly wonderful or wonderfully foolish, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Don't tell me how to be a witch. If I wanted rules, I'd go to church. --Submitted by MMS

It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression “As pretty as an airport” --The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul by Douglas Adams / If you're going to read this, don't bother. --Choke by Chuck Palahniuk

..........Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind.......Jimmy Cliff …....I Can See Clearly Now

Trivia Questions: It's Yo-yo's birthday!

^ The yo-yo is obviously older than 93 years, how old do you think it is?

^^ Do you know which budding capitalist popularized the yo-yo in the US?

^^^ What are yo-yos made out of?

^^^^ The Challenger took several toys including a yo-yo into space. What happened?

^^^^^ How many yo-yos were sold in the US last year?

Big Hello: Komosta – Cuyonon (Philippines) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: In the 1950s, somebody or other warned us that children growing up reading comic books would become serial killers and/or slackers. But that wasn't the real danger; the real results are that 70 years later our politicians can only think in tiny speech bubbles and every other movie made has a comic book theme.

Max Picture of the Week: Max and the Teeny, Tiny Puddle

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: 76% of library staff have had a sword fight with those old-fashioned newspaper sticks. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

I come from Des Moines. Somebody has to. --The Lost Continent by Bill Bryson / Oh, how I regret not having worn a bikini for the entire year I was twenty-six. If anyone young is reading this, go, right this minute, put on a bikini, and don't take it off until you're thirty-four. --I Feel Bad About My Neck by Nora Ephron

..........Good enough for me.........Willie Dixon …..Spoonful

Moonbeam: The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes. --Nikolai Gogol

Meditation of the Week: What if all that we see, and seem to see, is just God's little April fools joke on us.

Puzzle of the Week: Challenge based on an idea by listener Jeff Lande, of Minneapolis. If a BOY is 5,839, and a COW is 6,874, how much is a FISH? --NPR Puzzle Sunday 3/27/22

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Welcome to Spring where no matter what jacket you pick, you're wrong. --Submitted by INRITH

Week of the Week: Laugh At Work Week (1-7) –Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. / I had a job at Minute Maid but I got fired because I couldn't concentrate.

There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it. --The Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C S Lewis / If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdhlaseu yt[bn[ oasdkgjgasdfasdf. --Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid by Lemony Snicket

..........But I can't seem to find my way over........Jimmy Cliff …..Many Rivers To Cross

^ There's a Greek vase painting from around 500 BC that shows a boy playing with a yo-yo — that's over 2,500 years old! They made their yo-yos from wood, metal, and terracotta. During the 18th century, the yo-yo became very popular all over Europe. Everyone liked playing with yo-yos and there are reports of young King Louis XVII playing with one, Napoleon and his army had yo-yos at their famous Battle of Waterloo, and even the Prince of Wales played with them.

Almanac: It is Friday, April 1, 2022. The moon is full today (1:27 or 1:25 am CDT ~~both claim to be “exact”) and is in Aries. It is April Fools Day aka All Fools Day aka St Stupid Day, Atheist Day, International Tatting Day, Library Snap Shot Day, Myles Day, National Fun Day, National Fun at Work Day, Poetry & The Creative Mind Day, and Reading is Funny Day. Because it is the first Friday it is Hospital Admitting Clerks Day and National Walk To Work Day. In Massachusetts it is Student Government Day and the US Air force celebrates Academy Day. Finally in Sri Lanka it is the Sinhala/Tamil New Year.

Among those born on this day were Ludwig IV (Bavaria, 1283), William Harvey (1578), Gaspar de Crayer (1582), Franz Josef Haydn (1732), Edouard Corbiere (1793),Otto Von Bismarck (1815), Edward Austin Abbey (1852), Edmond Rostand (1868), Rachmaninov (1873), Wallace Beery (1886), Walter Kaufmann (1907), Willy Dixon (1915), Anne McCaffrey (1926), Gordon Jump (1932), Ali MacGraw (1939), Samuel R. Delany, Jr. (1942), and Jimmy Cliff (1948).

On April first English guilds came under state control (1504), Jonathan Swift published Drapier's letters (1724), the ruins of Pompeii were found (1748), the US House of Representatives met for the first full session (1789)**, the internal combustion engine was patented (1826), the San Francisco County government was established (1850), the first dishwashing machine was marketed (1889), Gauguin left Marseille for Tahiti (1891), the first national women's swimming championships were held (1916), Danish state radio made its first transmission (1925), Victrola introduced the first automatic record changer (1927), the Yo-Yo was introduced (1929), Jackie Mitchell became the first female in professional baseball (1931), Watch on the Rhine premiered (1941), Weight Watchers formed (1946), the Big Bang Theory was first proposed (1952), the US Air Force Academy was established (1954), the first world festival of black art was held (Senegal, 1966), John and Yoko formed a new country with no laws or boundaries with a national anthem of silence (Nutopia, 1973), and the Warsaw Pact officially dissolved (1991).

** The House on April Fool's Day – someone should have taken that as an omen.

Night Sky, 4/1: This is the time of year when the dim Little Dipper juts to the right from Polaris (the Little Dipper's handle-end) during late evening. The much brighter Big Dipper curls high above it, "dumping water" into it. They do the reverse water dump in the fall. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: The very strange Men's Midwestern Division Championship T-shirt with the Jayhawk Scissors (for cutting down nets)

This Week: Saturday, April 2 – International Pillow Fight Day & Reconciliation Day

Sunday, April 3 – Find a Rainbow Day & Ramadan begins & Weed Out Hate Day

Night Sky, 4/5 : Castor and Pollux shine together very high to the southwest after dark, far above Orion. Pollux is slightly the brighter of these "twins." Draw a line from Castor through Pollux, follow it farther out by a big 26° (about 2½ fist-widths at arm's length), and you're at the dim head of Hydra, the Sea Serpent.

Monday, April 4 – Vitamin C Day & World Rat Day

Tuesday, April 5 – National Library Workers Day & Read a Road Map Day

Wednesday, April 6 – National Walking Day & Tartan Day

Night Sky, 5/6: Venus, magnitude –4.4, is the bright "Morning Star" shining low in the southeast during dawn.

Thursday, April 7 – Celebrate Teen Literature Day & Metric System Day & New Beers Eve

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Clarence and Ginni Thomas: putting the coup in couple.

“There's a door,” he whispered. “Where does it go?” “It stays where it is, I think,” said Rincewind. --Eric by Terry Pratchett / Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people were always impressed by how unimpressive he was. --Catch-22 by Joseph Heller

..........You know you're my one desire.........Willie Dixon …..I Can't Quit You Baby

^^ A Filipino American man named Pedro Flores opened up a toy factory in California in the 1920s and became the first person to make modern yo-yos. They became so popular that businessman Donald Duncan bought Pedro's company and wound up making 3,600 yo-yos a year in the town of Luck, Wisconsin which is now known as the "Yo-Yo Capital of the World!"

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I just saw a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit...it was a lamb bikini.

Moonbeam: For a great nose indicates a great man. -- Edmond Rostand

Strange Fact of the Week: The more I get to know people, the more I realize why Noah only let animals on the boat.

Video of the Week: 21 seconds of Bill Self and the KU team celebrating their victory over Miami with liquids https://www.on3.com/college/kansas-jayhawks/news/bill-self-tries-locker-room-sneak-attack-during-celebration-kansas-jayhawks-celebrate-final-four-ncaa-tournament/

Shameless Self Promotion of the Week: On Tuesday, April 5, 2022 at 6:30 pm in the Centennial Room of the KS Memorial Union (1301 Jayhawk Blvd, 66045), the Women, Gender, & Sexuality Studies will present Celebrating 50 Years of the February Sisters. Robin Morgan will be projected by zoom link and a panel of the original sisters will talk about their experience and the changes in the university and the world since then. I will be one of those sisters on the panel. Come by if you can – a reception follows. I'm sure it will be online somewhere eventually and I'll probably post it in the ePistle when it shows up. Before the 6:30 program, there will be a carillon recital called Sister Songs. During the month of April there will be 3 other programs: one at the library Thursday, 4/7 about women in politics. Kathleen Sebelious will be there and Sharice Davids is sending a video. It's Called Listening To All Voices: Women in Politics. On Tuesday 4/12 at the union, WE DEMAND: The call for Healthcare, Childcare, Affirmative Action & Leadership Reforms. The final program is also in the union Thursday, 4/14: 50 Years Late: Current Student Activism at KU.

We need the courage at last to face honestly the true reality of what we are doing in the world and act responsibly to change it. --Daniel Ellsberg

There are moments, Jeeves,when one asks oneself, “Do trousers matter?” --The Code of the Woosters by P G Wodehouse / Housework, if you do it right, will kill you. –If Life Is A Bowl Of Cherries, What Am I Doing In The Pits by Erma Bombeck

..........We come together when the feeling's right.......Jimmy Cliff …..Reggae Night

^^^ Yo-Yos weren't made out of plastic until the 1960s. They were originally made out of wood, which meant they had an uneven spin because of the variations in wood density! In the 1990s, they began to make them out of metal.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Ego and Superego walk into a bar. The bartender says, “I'm gonna need to see some Id. --Submitted by Heinlein Society

Weird Word of the Week: Jobbernowl: It’s from old French jobard, from jobe, silly. That word was then added to noll, the top or crown of the head, the noddle. The first sense was of a blocky or stupid-looking head, but was soon extended to refer to the quality of the mind within. https://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-job1.htm

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie swinging with grandpa Tom

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Soothe poison ivy rash or insect bites. Make a past of Arm & Hammer Baking Soda and water, and apply to the affected area. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/armhammer2.html

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness. --The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde / Mrs Ramsay did in her own heart infinitely prefer boobies to clever men who wrote dissertations. --To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf

...........Just like a hurricane (Didn't have a chance).........Willie Dixon …..You Shook Me

^^^^ Back in 1985, NASA had a "Toys In Space" project as part of their Space Shuttle Discovery mission. They took 11 toys into space, including a yo-yo. They hoped to see what effect microgravity (aka weightlessness) would have on it. They discovered that you could release the yo-yo, but without the downward force of gravity it wouldn't "sleep" (that's where it keeps spinning at the end of the string) and would come back up the string. The most fun thing about this short video is that the yo-yo goes out instead of down. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzSt8t7jsdo

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If religions advocate peace, then why aren't their extremists extremely peaceful? --Submitted by MMS

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Earp-a-palooza 2022 (1-3, Columbus, OH) Earp-a-palooza is the first US fan convention dedicated to SYFY's hit TV show, Wynonna Earp. https://www.earpapalooza.com/

Vintage Players One Liner of the Week: Have you ever noticed: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.

Actual Science Conference of the Week: 37^th Annual Space Symposium: (4-7, Colorado Springs, CO) --Year after year, the Space Symposium keeps up its reputation as the "must attend" space industry event.
Come see what everyone's talking about. Website

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: FISH = 953,161. You get the answer from looking at corresponding numbers on the periodic table of the elements. For example, B stands for boron (#5), O stands for oxygen (#8), and Y stands for yttrium (#39), which go together to make 5,839. Similarly, F is fluorine (#9), I is iodine (#53), S is sulfur (#16), and H is hydrogen (#1), which go together to make the answer.

We stared into the face of Death and Death blinked first. You'd think that would make us feel brave and invincible. It didn't. --The Fifth Wave by Rick Yancey / Almost any concept of idea in the world can be expressed through comparison with a classic Warner Brothers cartoon. --The Fold by Peter Clines

..........Beautiful people.......Jimmy Cliff …..Wonderful World

^^^^^ As recently as 1985, fewer than 500,000 yo-yos were sold. Last year, roughly 12 million were sold, the majority of them made at the Duncan factory. The company’s slogan is, “If it’s not a Duncan, it’s not a yo-yo”/

My Own Writing of the Week: Apollo and Daphne's was a brief affair, hardly more than a millennium. It was, naturally, whirlwindish and noisy.

Apollo had just finished Divinity School and was on holiday before settling down to the work of forming his worship, choosing a priesthood, writing liturgies, and the other endless administrative tasks of godheadhood. He was backpacking in the mountains and had set up camp under a laurel tree.

Yeah, you guessed it. The tree was really Daphne getting a moon tan. She watched with growing interest and lust (causing her leaves to make giggling movements) as he did his evening deity exercises which consisted of gleaming various colors. He was as yet still learning and on occasion still got greens and browns mixed with the pure pinks and purples. Since it was a holiday and he wasn't serious, he soon began shooting beams at clouds to see if he could set them aflame. --From Daphne and Apollo

Quote of the Week: News is what somebody somewhere wants to suppress; all the rest is advertising. --Lord Northcliffe

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If something is not eating your plants, then your garden is not part of the ecosystem. --Submitted by bu of ks

Today's Peace of History, April 1, 1916: The first US national women's swimming championships were held. I have not been able to find the names of women who swam or winners.

I Lied!..Post Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If Trump goes to prison, does he have Secret Service protection? --Submitted by do of or (I think)

The look he shot his sister could've given her a free chemical peel. --Christmas With You by Tracey Alverez / If people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane. --Looking for Alaska by John Green

..........Look at the skies and predict the rain.........Willie Dixon …..The Seventh Son

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle April 1, 2022, Ludicrous ePistle Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS

Moonbeam: A real scientist solves problems, not wails that they are unsolvable. --Anne McCaffrey

Cost of War:

As of 3/31/22 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $174,416,133,483.

As of 3/24/22 State Department War on Terror Costs since 2001: $173,877,225,693.

As of 3/31/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,046,265,361,117.

As of 3/24/22 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $1,044,760,222,905.

As of 3/31/22 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,101,158,788,099.

As of 3/24/22 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,100,573,474,401.

As of 3/31/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,353,220,643.504 .

As of 3/24/22 Veterans Care since 2001: 2,344.811,607.345 .

As of 3/31/22 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,954,071,971,058.

As of 3/24/22 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,952,292,238,972.

As of 3/31/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,632,135,948,565.

As of 3/24/22 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $7,616,955,599,473.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

There should be at least one leak like the Pentagon Papers every year. --Daniel Ellsberg

Famous Last Words: I will do my best. --JoSHUA Watch on the Rhine by Lillian Hellman ~~Although another source says it is by Dashiell Hammett ..a mystery...

..........Take your stand where you belong.......Jimmy Cliff …..Now And Forever

I do desire we may be better strangers. --As You Like It by William Shakespeare / When you are traveling you really ought to take advantage of what you can not do at home. --Gentlemen Prefer Blondes by Anita Loos

May Peace find you ever joyful

And Joy find you ever peaceful

prairie mama

christine

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