Purrfect ePistle

 Famous First Words: Proposing an amendment to the Constitution... US Congress Joint Bill proposing the 19^th amendment

Happy Hug Your Cat Day aka Purrthday! Good luck with that. --Wait a meowment, I'll have to put on my thinking cat.

..........And the sky is gray..........Mamas & Papas …..California Dreamin'

Peace is possible around the world and children are the answer. --Quincy Jones

It is a gorgeous Friday morning. Blue sky is brightly dotted with clouds that are fluffy and white and scattered here and there. A 75°F temperature with only a slight breeze allows shirtsleeves and sandals. The world is green and growing. Wildlife is busy enjoying the weather, skittering and flying, chirping and squealing. It smells of freshly mown grass with a hint of floral and foliage. Spring is growing into summer. Puck and I have been out enjoying it. But now he has taken his treat into his retreat under the bed. I am sipping doctored decaf and enjoying the sunshine reflecting off the nearly complete shed. And now – to top off all this joy – I get to write to you. Wow!

Have the purrfect weekend, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Kansas...where the sky craps rainbows when it's not trying to kill you. --Submitted by RHOZ

When in doubt, hug a dog. When in armor, hug a cat. / More Cat Jokes? You gotta be kitten me.

..........Every other day of the week is fine, yeah..........Mamas & Papas …..Monday, Monday

Trivia Questions: It is Gun Violence Awareness Day & SAFE Day

^ About what percentage of US households have guns?

^^ About how many small arms are held by civilians?

^^^ How many bullets can the AR-15 model shoot per minute?

^^^^ How many children are accidentally killed by guns every year in the US?

^^^^^ How many people in the US died by gun wounds in 2017?

Big Hello: Hej - Danish https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I want to rip off your logic and make passionate sense to you. --Submitted by FNOG

Max Picture of the Week: Max contemplating rock climbing

Fake Library Statistic of the Week: 75% of librarians are excited for the warmer weather so they switch to their summer-weight cardigans https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

O, great. Hissterically funny cat puns. / Never play poker with cats; there's too many cheetahs.

..........With someone to meet, some place to go..........Mamas & Papas …..Look Through My Window

Moonbeam: In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. --Robert Anderson

Meditation Seed of the Week: Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There is a mysterious and powerful force that holds the universe together and that force is love. Just Kidding – it's dark matter. --Submitted by FNOG

Week of the Week: National Marina Days (5/30-6/5) --The Marina – It's NOT San Francisco's worst neighborhood. / Sailor Sally was up for a promotion but she turned it down. Anchor Chiefs spend all their time blowing noses.

Cats are furmidable opponents. / Rum Tum Tugger hides under the bed during Hug Your Cat Day.

..........Right up through the concrete..........Mamas & Papas …..Spanish Harlem

^ One in every three households in the US has a gun stored somewhere inside.

Almanac: It is Friday, June 4, 2021. The moon was at last-quarter last Wednesday and is in Aries. It is Audacity To Hope Day, Hug Your Cat Day & International (World) Hug Your Cat Day, National Clean Beauty Day, National SAFE Day, and Old Maid's Day. Because it is the first Friday, it is National Gun Violence Awareness Day. In the Bahamas it is Labour Day and in Botswana it is Commonwealth Day. Finland celebrates Flag Day (1867) and Tonga celebrates Independence Day. Internationally it is known as The Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression. Finally because it is the first weekend we also celebrate Banana Split Days, Doughnut Day or Donut Day (Salvation Army), and Horseradish Days.

Among those born on this day were George III (1738), Heinrich Wieland (1877), Rosaland Russell (1908), Robert Anderson (1917), Dennis Weaver (1924), John Barrymore Jr (1932), Michelle Phillips (Mamas & Papas, 1944), and Roger Ball (Average White Band, 1944).

On June fourth the first total solar eclipse was recorded (China, 789 BCE), Roquefort cheese was created (1070), the first hot air balloon was launched (unmanned, 1783), the Louisiana Territory was officially renamed the Missouri Territory (1812), the third black convention met (Philadelphia, 1832), the British ceded Cyprus to Turkey (1878), Henry drove his first Ford through the streets of Detroit for the first time (1896), Massachusetts passed the first US Minimum wage law (1912), the US Senate passed the Women's Suffrage bill (1919), the US invaded Costa Rica (1919), the British evacuated Dunkirk (1940), Capitol Records opened for business (1942), and Israel attacked Lebanon (1982).

Night Sky, 6/4: For much of the spring at mid-northern latitudes, the Milky Way lies right down out of sight all around the horizon. But watch the east now. The rich Cepheus-Cygnus-Aquila stretch of the Milky Way rears up horizontally across the east late these nights, earlier and higher every week. A hint for the light-polluted: It runs horizontally under Vega, right through the bottom of the Summer Triangle. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week:

This Week: Saturday, June 5 – Belmont Stakes & Drawing or Pencil Day & National Bubbly Day

Sunday, June 6 – Atheists Pride Day & Drive-In Movie Day & Yo-Yo Day

Night Sky, 6/6: A gigantic asterism you may not know about is the Great Diamond, some 50° tall and extending over five constellations. It now leans in the south to southwest after dusk. Start with Spica, its bottom. High above Spica is bright Arcturus. Almost as far upper right from Arcturus is fainter Cor Caroli, 3rd magnitude. The same distance down from there is Denebola, the 2nd-magnitude tailtip of Leo. And then back to Spica. Robert H. Baker may have been the first to name the Great Diamond, in his 1954 book When the Stars Come Out

Monday, June 7 – Boone Day & Thank God It's Monday Day

Tuesday, June 8 – Upsy Daisy Day & World Oceans Day

Wednesday, June 9 – Donald Duck Day & Toy Industry Day

Thursday, June 10 –Ball Point Pen Day & National Egg Roll Day & Race Unity Day

Night Sky, 6/10: The annular phase of this solar eclipse is visible from parts of Russia, Greenland, and northern Canada. Weather permitting, those in Northern Asia, Europe, and the United States will see a partial eclipse. Annular Solar Eclipse on June 10, 2021 (timeanddate.com)

What's in a meowtini? Cheshire Cat Signature Paw and dry Vermouth. Meowtini - Cheshire Cat | Small Batch, Hand Distilled Artisan Gin and Rum (cheshirecatgin.co.uk) / Crookshanks has had all his shots – rum, vodka, whiskey, tequila.

..........Summer's here and the time is right..........Mamas & Papas …..Dancing In The Streets

^^ In 2018, The Small Arms Survey reported that there are over one billion small arms distributed globally, of which 857 million (about 85 percent) are in civilian hands. The Small Arms Survey stated that U.S. civilians alone account for 393 million (about 46 percent) of the worldwide total of civilian held firearms. This amounts to "120.5 firearms for every 100 residents."

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: How many times do you have to click “I Accept Cookies” before they send you the cookies. --Submitted by rhb of ks

Moonbeam: Taking joy in living is a woman's best cosmetic. --Rosalind Russell

Quote of the Week: ~~I was going to quote something from Biden's Memorial Day Speech, but he did not use the word peace once in the entire speech. So I'm assuming that Memorial Day is about war not peace. Just as Armistice Day has become about war instead of peace...

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie – the pastel tiger – with dog paw

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: A new study shows that when a male California mouse loses a partner, they'll instantly go out and find a new one, whereas a female California mouse will wait an average of 10 extra days before getting back out there in the mouse single bars. How do you help a broken-hearted female mouse get her groove back? What do you say? It's like, I know you're hurt now, but it's better than being glue trapped in a bad relationship. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell Me 5/29/21

Peace is possible. It begins with a vision or dream and comes through persistence, hard work, and belief in ourselves. --Pauline Flynn

My cat is totally litterate. / I always take my cat with me when I go drinking. Her name is Moderation.

..........Bound aboard a magic ship for a land I'd never seen..........Mamas & Papas …..Dancing Bear

^^^ The AR-15 fires up to 45 rounds per minute.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you are not resting, you will not make it. I need you to make it. --The Nap Ministry --Submitted by (3) Black Lives Matter-LFK | Facebook

Weird Word of the Week: Labretifery – the custom of wearing labrets Labrets – ornament worn through the upper or lower lip often of stone, gold, or crystal. World Wide Words: Labretifery

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Remove dry glue from bottles. Spray Alberto VO5 Hair Spray on the dry glue, wipe off, and wash the bottle in soapy water. The propanes, butanes, and acetones in Alberto VO5 Hair Spray dissolve glue. Alberto VO5® Hair Spray: Wacky Uses ~~Propane and butane and acetone...yet people spray it on their hair.

Puzzle of the Week: Last week's challenge came from listener Roger Barkan of Savage, Md. Think of an 8-letter word in which the third and sixth letters are "A." Remove the A's. The remaining six letters start a common series. What is it? And what comes next in that series? --NPR Sunday Puzzler 5/30/21

Do baby cats wear diapurrs? / You may pay the bills and feed me...but make no mistake, human, I own this house and I own you.

...........Three thousand miles, that 's how far you'll go..........Mamas & Papas …..Go Where You Wanna Go

^^^^ In 2018 73 children under age 12 died in gun accidents. This is about the same as it has been for the last 5 years.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If being gay was a choice, I'd be gayer. --Submitted by MMS

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: ConCarolinas (4-6, Charlotte, NC) –Carolina's Longest Running Multi-Fandom Con ConCarolinas 2021 – Carolina's Longest Running Multi-Fandom Con

Actual Science Convention of the Week: International Conference on Geomorphology, Rock Mechanics and Seismology (3-4, NYC) a premier interdisciplinary platform for researchers, practitioners and educators... International Conference on Geomorphology, Rock Mechanics and Seismology ICGRMS in June 2021 in New York (waset.org)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Standard --> The remaining pairs of letters — ST, ND, and RD — form the ends of 1ST, 2ND, and 3RD. The next pair of letters in the series is TH. ~~I didn't come close

Pyewacket has cattitude. / Macavity is so purrsuasive; he always gets his way.

..........I'm in way over my head..........Mamas & Papas …..I Saw Her Again

^^^^^ 39,773 people died from gun-related injuries in the US in 2017. The figure includes murders and suicides.

Video of the Week: Menopause Rhapsody Menopause Rhapsody - Bohemian Rhapsody Parody Song for every Queen - YouTube

Extreme Topiary of the Week:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Live like someone left the gate open. --Submitted by bu of ks

Today's Peace of History, June 4, 1987: New Zealand passed legislation declaring itself nuclear-free. In 1986, New Zealand had banned the entry of U.S. Navy ships from their ports in the belief that they were carrying nuclear weapons or were nuclear-powered. US government protests of the policy led to the breakup of the ANZUS (Australia-New Zealand-United States) defense alliance.

Khat drives a furrari. / Mrs Norris' favorite color is purrple

..........John and Mitchy were getting' kind of itchy..........Mamas & Papas …..Creeque Alley

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, June 4, 2021, Purrfect ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open. --John Barrymore

Cost of War:

As of 6/03/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,135,545,300,581.

As of 5/27/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,133,569,372,462.

As of 6/03/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,040,263,695,243.

As of 5/27/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,038,920,001,964.

As of 6/03/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $857,417,475,192.

As of 5/27/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $855,729,347,440.

As of 6/03/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $350,503,959,275.

As of 5/27/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $350,120,324,346.

As of 6/03/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,383,731,078,996.

As of 5/27/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,378,340,843,264.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

We stoners must be peaceful, unarmed, and open to nonviolence. It's up to us to be the example of how peace is possible. Work for peace, evolve. --Withered Tree

Famous Last Words: ...move it to a cooler 38-40F aging space, until ripe. --Recipe for making Roquefort Cheese

..........Whisper a little prayer for me, my baby..........Mamas & Papas …..Dedicated To The One I Love

Stay Calm and HugYour Cat. / Mehitable rules our house. She has her own brand of claw enforcement.

May Peace enhance your days

And Joy grace your nights

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

InScentsed ePistle

 Famous First Words: An Act to provide for an exchange of lands with the Indians... The Removal Act

It's National Fragrance Week (24-30) Macy's is selling a new perfume with a new Tesla car smell; they call it Elon Musk. / When I was young I wore Midnight Madness. Now I wear Nine O'clock Knockout.

..........I hear hurricanes a-blowing.........Creedence Clearwater Revival …..Bad Moon Rising

When we show our respect for other living things, they respond with respect for us. – Arapaho

It is a chilly(52°F) , cloudy Friday morning. The sky is a solid slate gray. A northern breeze is whipping the willow into a frenzy. Birds are staying home and sleeping in. Even Puck is refusing to get out of bed this morning. He has annexed my pillow. Outside, the air feels damp and smells of wet earth and soggy foliage. Small puddles of cold water lurk beneath grassy patches grown tall because there are still pieces of shed laying about the yard hindering mowing. The only sounds are car motors and wheels moving on pavement and the swish of blowing tree branches. But I do not stay long. I am wearing no jacket and the weather is not inviting. Inside it is warm and the coffee is hot and creamy and sweet. Inside is also quiet and free of wind. What a great morning to write to you.

Hope your weekend is a fragrant offering with a pleasing aroma, ePistliers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Be careful out there. It's “drop a house of a witch” weather and some of you don't need to take chances. --Submitted by RHOZ

Kermit is marketing a new cologne for amphibians. It's his Frogrance collection. / Do you have a perfume that smells like frying bacon?

..........Tambourines and elephants are playin' in the band.........Creedence Clearwater Revival ….Lookin' Out My Back Door

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to the Golden Gate Bridge!

^ How long is the bridge?

^^ To what does it connect?

^^^ Where does the name Golden Gate come from?

^^^^ What was the initial cost of the bridge?

^^^^^ More or less, how many vehicles cross the bridge every day?

FYI: The day before vehicle traffic was allowed, 200,000 people crossed either on foot or on roller skates

Big Hello: Ahoj – Czech https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Vaccines are a gateway drug to concerts. --Submitted by bc of tx

Max Picture of the Week: Max with wild flowers and an aura

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: Instead of a comfort animal, 39% of librarians carry a copy of their favorite novel everywhere they go. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

Which rapper has the worst perfume? 50 scent. / This may be expensive for fragrance but it's cheap for aromatherapy.

..........It ain't me, it ain't me.........Creedence Clearwater Revival ….Fortunate Son

Moonbeam: The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult; and left untried. --G K Chersterson

Meditation Seed of the Week: Can you daydream at night?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Life gave me onions...onionade sucks. --Submitted by INRITH

Week of the Week: Fleet Week in NYC (26-31) --During Fleet Week, New York City gets pretty rowdy. All that yelling, drinking, and raising hell. And then when they're done taping "The View," Fleet Week starts. / It’s Fleet Week in New York. And you know what that means: Next week is Penicillin Week.

Estee Lauder is selling an unscented perfume. It's called Noncents. / It's that bold new fragrance from the Trump Administration. It's called Ms Conduct

..........Over by the courthouse they're starting to unwind..........CCR …..Down on the Corner

^ The Golden Gate Bridge is a suspension bridge spanning a one-mile-wide strait.

Almanac: It is Friday, May 28, 2021. The moon was full (Worm) last Thursday and is in Capricorn. It is Amnesty International Founders Day, the Ascension of Baha'U'llah, Menstrual Hygiene Day, National Brisket Day, National Hamburger Day, Sierra Club Day, and Slugs Return From Capistrano Day. In Puerto Rico it is Memorial Day. Because it is the last or 4^th Friday it is also Heat Awareness Day and National Title Track Day. Finally because it is the Friday before Memorial Day it is Don't Fry Day, National Cooler Day, National Polka Day, National Road Trip Day, and National Wig Out Day.

Among those born on this day were George I (1660), William Pitt (1759), Eliza Ann Gardner (1831), G K Chesterton (1874), Milutin Milankovic (1879), Theo van Reijn (1884), Jim Thorpe (1888), Henry Ritz (1907), T-Bone Walker (1910), C Wright Mills (1916), Barry Commoner (1917), Papa John Creech (Hot Tuna, Jefferson Airplane, 1917), the Dionne Quintuplets (Annette, Cécile, Émilie, Marie, Yvonne, 1934), Gladys Knight (1944), Rudy Giuliani (1944), John Fogerty (CCR, 1945), and Wendy O Williams (Plasmatics, 1949).

On May twenty-eighth the Treaty of Nymphenburg was signed (Bavaria and Spain, 1741), the first steam-vessel in the Great Lakes was launched (1818), Congress authorized Indian removal from all states to the western prairie (1830), Sojourner Truth attended the Women's Rights Convention (1851), the Paris Communards lost (1871), Armenia declared its independence (1919), the US Customs Court was created by congress (1926), Dodge merged with Chrysler (1928), the Golden Gate Bridge opened to vehicular traffic (1937), Berlin's Louisiana Purchase premiered (1940), the first 3-D cartoon premiered (Melody, 1953), Amnesty International was founded (1961), the Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO) was founded (1964), Apollo 2 was launched into orbit (1964), and John Paul II became the first pope to visit Great Britain (1982).

Night Sky, 5/28: We're in the time of year when Leo the Lion walks downward toward the west, on his way to departing into the sunset in early summer. Right after dark, spot the brightest star fairly high in the west-southwest. That's Regulus, his forefoot. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Joan Baez and Tony Fauci at the National Kennedy Center Honors

This Week: Saturday, May 29 – International Day for UN Peacekeepers & Learn About Composting Day

Sunday, May 30 – Mint Julep Day & National Creativity Day

Night Sky, 5/30: Now look for Antares less than a fist to the right of the Moon after dark. Orange Antares is the brightest and most colorful star of upper Scorpius.

Monday, May 31 – Memorial Day & Save Your Hearing Day & National Smile Day

Tuesday, June 1 – National Go Barefoot Day & National Olive Day & Oscar the Grouch Day

Wednesday, June 2 – Leave the Office Early Day & National Gun Violence Awareness Day & National Tailors Day

Night Sky,6/2: Bright Capella sets low in the northwest fairly soon after dark these evenings (depending on your latitude). That leaves Vega and Arcturus as the brightest stars in the evening sky. Vega shines in the east-northeast. Arcturus is very high toward the south.

Thursday, June 3 – Wonder Woman Day & World Bicycle Day

The exotic perfume salesman continued to go out during lock down because he had no common scents. / When the carbon tax comes into effect fragrance manufacturers will be paying per fume.

..........Out of the gutter and into the streets..........Wendy O Williams …..The Day of the Human Is Gone

^^ The Golden Gate Bridge connects the northern tip of the San Francisco peninsula to Marin County carrying both US Route 101 and California State Route 1.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Somewhere, somebody out there is thinking of you, and the tremendous impact you made on their life. It's not me...I think you're an idiot. --Submitted by sb of ar

Moonbeam: Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves. --William Pitt the younger

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie making sure the dog's water is properly patted down.

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The CDC announced last week that vaccinated people are free to take off their masks, and everybody began to freak out. What if it's not really safe? What if we haven't brushed our teeth in 14 months, and now we can't get the moss off? I think that they can't just tell us just right away, take off your mask. We need time. Like, I'm not ready to go full-frontal with my face. Or maybe, like, we need, like, a transitional mask, something that's revealing but still provides some privacy. So basically, we need face lingerie. --Peter Sagal Wait Wait Don't Tell me 5/22/21

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice. –Cherokee

There was an explosion down by the former perfumery. It blew up the olfactory. / Benedict XVI released his new fragrance, Popepourri.

..........Ain't no use me working so hard..........Hot Tuna …..Hesitation Blues

^^^ The Golden Gate Bridge is so called because it spans the Golden Gate Strait.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Error 404:

Your haiku could not be found.

Try again later. --Submitted by sd of ks

Weird Word of the Week: Kibibyte – a thousand and twenty-four bytes. Because binary uses a 1,024 byte system instead of a 1,000 bytes measurement. See also mebi- gibi- and tebi- World Wide Words: Kibibyte

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Make wrapping paper. Spray Alberto VO5 Hair Spray on the comics section from the Sunday paper to seal in the ink and give the paper a shiny gloss. Alberto VO5® Hair Spray: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: This challenge comes from listener Robert Flood of Allen, Texas. Think of a seven-letter hyphenated word for a kind of cooking. Change the middle letter to get a new word describing a kind of music. What words are these? --NPR Puzzle Sunday 1/10/21

InterPol uncovered a plot. A group of perfume makers are trying to take over the world. Radical Cologneilists. / Latest artisan fragrance –the maker based the scent off the suffering we've all been through during the pandemic. It's called Eau de Humanity.

...........Your aluminum finish, slightly diminished.........Jefferson Airplane …..Plastic Fantastic Lover

^^^^ The Golden Gate Bridge cost around $35 million which is $523 million in 2019 dollars.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A chef on TV just said, “Where there's fat, there's flavor.” I know he was talking about food, but I still took it as a compliment.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Armageddon Christchurch 2021 (29-30, Addington, New Zealand) --Today we're going back to the year 2000... the time of dying Tamagotchi's, dusty Nintendo 64 cartridges, and the best pulp culture expo in New Zealand! Christchurch - Armageddon Expo

Actual Science Convention of the Week: Phenomenology of Black Holes in Quantum Gravity (23-28, Hangzhou, China) The existence of black holes is one of the major predictions of Einstein's theory of general relativity and has been one of the most outstanding problems in physics since 1970s, especially after Hawking in 1974 discovered that black holes can radiate thermally as a black body, and two years later found the information paradox, which shows the inconsistency of black hole evolution with the principles of quantum mechanics. 21w5091: Phenomenology of Black Holes in Quantum Gravity (Cancelled) | Banff International Research Station (birs.ca)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: bar-b-que --> baroque

A knockoff in Russia recreated the recipe for Les Royales Excusives Jardin dAmalfi's Creed. They sell it for much less than the original. It is a fragrant violation of copyright laws. / I tried to buy perfume from a vending machine but it was out of odor.

..........Go ask Alice, I think she'll know..........Jefferson Airplane …..White Rabbit

^^^^^ According to the Highway and Transportation District, about 112,000 vehicles cross the Golden Gate Bridge every day.

Quote of the Week: It is a big day for America because after years of agonizing wait finally JayLo and Ben Afflect are back together. Nature is healing. At last someone can make my movie, Batman vs Giggli, this time nobody wins. --Stephen Colbert A Late Show 5/26/21

Extreme Topiary of the Week:

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Chekhov’s Gun: A gun introduced in the first act must be fired by the last. Jack Kerouac’s Gun: If a character mentions a gun at the start of a lengthy digression, then the rest of the digression must not relate to a gun at all. More Guns

Today's Peace of History, May 28, 1982: Seven women fasted for 10 days in Springfield, Illinois, in support of ratification of the Equal Rights Amendment by the Illinois state legislature. The amendment had already been ratified by 35 other states of the 38 required.

Coco Chanel once said that you should put perfume on places where you want to be kissed by a man. But does that ever burn. / When I open my perfume store I'll name it Scents of Shame.

..........Do away with people blowin' my mind..........Jefferson Airplane …..3/5 of a Mile in 10 Seconds

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle May 28, 2021, InScentsed ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: You never agree with any one candidate 100 percent. I don't agree with myself 100 percent. --Rudy Giuliani

Cost of War:

As of 5/27/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,133,569,372,462.

As of 5/20/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,131,592,158,506.

As of 5/27/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,038,920,001,964.

As of 5/20/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,037,577,540,682.

As of 5/27/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $855,729,347,440.

As of 5/20/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $854,040,229,066.

As of 5/27/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $350,120,324,346.

As of 5/20/21 Veterans Care since 2001: $349,736,400,926.

As of 5/27/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,378,340,843,264.

As of 5/20/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,372,947,403,285.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Force, no matter how concealed, begets resistance. –Lakota

Famous Last Words: I'm going home. --Gladys Knight & the Pips Every Beat of My Heart

..........Look what's happening in the streets.........Jefferson Airplane …..Volunteers

Invest in the perfume making industry. It just makes scents. / The Catholic Church is selling perfume made from holy water. It's called Eau My God.

May Peace be your perfume

And Joy your cologne

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

ePistle aWaits

 Famous First Words: Blood Donor Shortage ..American Red Cross website ~~It can help you find a donation center near you

It's National Waitstaff Day! I complained to the waitress that my coffee tastes like mud. “It should,” she said,” it was fresh ground this morning.” / My boyfriend is a waiter who only wears Armani suits. I told him to act his wage.

..........I don't stay out late, don't care to go..........Fats Waller …..Aint' Misbehavin'

Equitable exchange and dialogue among civilizations, cultures, and peoples, based on mutual understanding and respect and the equal dignity of all cultures is the essential prerequisite for constructing social cohesion, reconciliation among peoples, and peace among nations. --UN World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue & Development.

It is another rainy Friday morning, warm (71°F) and muggy (RH 89%). The sky is completely covered with featureless white clouds that are not quite thick enough to mask the presence of the sun above them. There is a south wind that blows around the tree limbs and flower stalks and even the short grasses. Five different shades of green are revealed on one tree as it dances in the wind. I venture onto the patio in bare feet. It feels good. A hawk flies over, slowly circling. I wave to her but she does not respond. The backyard is still littered with the lumber of the soon (hopefully) to be storage shed. The wind smells not just of damp soil and wet foliage but of sodden wood. Yesterday was the eighth day in a row with measurable rainfall and Bruno's yard is beginning to look like a lake. (When does it stop being good for the farmers?) Puck does not like rain or wet patios or grass. He looks at me as if to ask: aren't you obligated to provide a dry place for me to pee? I retreat indoors where it is dry and sweeten up a cup of decaf. It is a good morning to sit down and write to you.

Hope your weekend is fast and friendly, ePistliers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: That was a cyberattack? I thought it was the latest Windows update. --Submitted by the Heinlein Society

Say what you want to say about waitresses, but they bring a lot to the table. / I'm never going back to that restaurant. The waiter body-shamed me. He told me he was sorry for my weight.

..........My mother was a tailor, she sewed my new blue jeans.........The Animals with Hilton Valentine …..House of the Rising Sun

Trivia Questions: In honor of National Pizza Party Day – What do we know about pizza?

^ Any idea when or where the “modern” pizza originated?

^^ How many slices of pizza does the US eat per, oh , let's say per second?

^^^ Care to guess how much the world's most expensive pizza costs or where to find it?

^^^^ What do you know about pizza delivery in space?

^^^^^ Who was the first known pizza delivery boy? --Yes, you do know, you just don't know you know.

Big Hello: Hello – Cuyonon (Philippines) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When spiders unite they can tie down a lion. --African Proverb

Max Picture of the Week AND Recreating art with anything at hand: Max, sans cast, says he is a pirate and I say he is The Boy With The Pearl Earring, sans earring.

Fake Library Statistics of the Week: Due to strange noises, 67% of staff refuse to be in the library alone. https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

I once dated a one legged waiter. He worked at IHOP. / I think my waitress is hungry. She keeps asking how my food is.

..........I just want to live while I'm alive.........The Animals with Hilton Valentine …..It's My Life

Moonbeam: When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both. --Al Franken

Meditation Seed of the Week: How far east can you go before you’re heading west?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person? Ask them who won the election. --Submitted by dr of oh

Week of the Week: National Transportation Week (16-22) --The saddest form of transportation? Moped / The Biden administration is obsessed with “green” transportation. So the buses are running on thyme.

Waitress, do you have lobster tails? Yes, Once upon a time there was a little lobster named Lenny and he... / The waiter asked if I had any questions about the menu but he couldn't tell me if the burger fonts were Cambria or Sitka.

..........When we're passing by, flowers droop and sigh.........Fats Waller …..Honeysuckle Rose

^ Greeks and Egyptians were cooking a pizza like flatbread and topping it with olive oil and spices. The “modern pizza” as we know it evolved in Naples Italy, when tomato was added in the late 18th century.

Almanac: It is Friday, May 21, 2021. The moon was in the first quarter on Wednesday and is in Virgo. It is American Red Cross Founder's Day, End of the World Day aka Rapture Party Day, I Need A Patch For That Day, National Waitstaff Day, Sister Maria Hummel Day, and World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue & Development. Because it is the third Friday it is also Endangered Species Day, International Virtual Assistants Day, NASCAR Day, National Bike to Work Day, and National Pizza Party Day.

Among those born on this day were Plato (427 BCE), Albrecht Dürer (1471), Alexander Pope (1688), Elizabeth Fry (1780), Léon Bourgeois (1851), Fats Waller (Thomas Wright, 1904), Robert Montgomery (1904), Harold Robbins (1916), Dennis Day (1917), Raymond Burr (1917), Peggy Cass (1924), Robert Creeley (1926), Hilton Valentine (Animals, 1943), Al Franken (1951), Judge Reinhold (1957), and Tracy Simien (1967).

On May twenty-first the Treaty of Troyes gave France to England (1420), Lady Jane Grey married Guildford Dudley (1553), the West Indian Company sold 1/3 of Suriname (1683), Lewis and Clark set out (1804), bicycles were first introduced in the US (NYC, 1819), the first Democratic National Convention was held (1832), New Zealand became a British colony (1840), Lawrence was sacked by pro-slavery forces (1856), North Carolina seceded (10th, 1861), Father Damien was ordained (Hawaii, 1864), the American Red Cross was founded (1881), US National Lawn Tennis Association was founded (1881), Greyhound Bus Company opened for business (1914), US House passed the woman suffrage amendment (1918), Lindbergh completed ths first solo transatlantic flight by a man (1917), Earhart completed first solo, transatlantic flight by a woman (1932), Oskaloosa, IA first used fingerprints in court (1934), US nuked Bikini Atoll (1956), Gypsy opened on Broadway (1959), the National Guard was mobilized to quell protests at Ohio State University (1970), the last episode of Newhart aired (1990),

Night Sky, 5/21: Vega is now nicely up in the east-northeast after dark. Look for its faint little constellation Lyra, the Lyre, dangling down from it with its bottom canted to the right. Lyra's main stars form a little equilateral triangle (Vega is one corner) and a parallelogram attached to the triangle's bottom star. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Image of the Week: Ariake Arena – Built for the Tokyo Olympics which open in a month

This Week: Saturday, May 22 – International Day for Biological Diversity & National Craft Distillery Day

Sunday, May 23 – Drinking With Chickens Day & Neighbor Day & World Turtle Day

Night Sky, 4/23: What is the oldest thing you have ever seen? For everyone in the world it's at least the Sun, age 4.6 billion years. Everything on or near Earth's surface is much younger. But Arcturus, which most people have surely seen whether they knew it or not, since it's one of the brightest stars, is even older . It's a Population II orange giant, whose age is about 7 billion years, which is just passing through our region of the Milky Way.

Monday, May 24 – Brothers' Day & Morse Code Day & Victoria Day

Tuesday, May 25 – Cookie Monster's Birthday & National Tap Dance Day & Nerd Pride Day or Geek Pride Day

Wednesday, May 26 – Day of Vesak & National Paper Airplane Day & World Otter Day

Night Sky, 5/26: If you are in Australia, parts of the western US, western South America, or in South-East Asia, you will see the Super Flower Full Moon totally eclipsed and turn a shade of red for about 14 minutes during this total lunar eclipse weather permitting. Total Lunar Eclipse on May 26, 2021 – Where and When to See (timeanddate.com)

Thursday, May 27 – Eat More Fruits and Vegetables Day

It was Terry's first time in a restaurant and he was trying to remember everything his mother had told him. He ordered off the menu, enjoyed the meal, paid the bill, and pushed his waiter down on the floor. It was all good fun but he still didn't understand why you were supposed to tip the waiter. / The waitresses at the T-Rex restaurant seemed really stressed out. I guess they must have been short-handed

..........I'll tell you once more before I get off the floor..........The Animals with Hilton Valentine …..Don't Bring Me Down

^^ The United States eats 350 slices of pizza every second.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sometimes you just need to lay on the couch and read for a couple of years.

Moonbeam: Love is a serious mental disease. --Plato

Ollie's Very Own Picture of the Week: Ollie praying over the trail mix he has already eaten.

Not So Late Night Snacks of the Week: The castle, once occupied by the man who inspired Count Dracula, is offering free puncturing services. Really, Dracula? You think anyone's going to fall for this? Reps from the castle confirmed that every weekend in May, walk-in appointments for the COVID vaccine will be available, but they cannot confirm you will walk out. --Mos Jobrani Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me 5/14/21

UNESCO’s Interreligious Dialogue programme, an essential component of Intercultural Dialogue, aims to promote dialogue among different religions, spiritual, and humanistic traditions in a world where conflicts are increasingly associated with religious belonging. --UN World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue & Development.

I was at the diner and the waiter asked me if I wanted to hear today's special. When I nodded, he said, “Today is very special.” / If you think the waitress is bad...you should see the manager.

..........You can tell all my pets, all my Harlem coquettes..........Fats Waller …..Lulu's Back in Town

^^^ Luis XIII in Salerno, Italy has the world’s most expensive pizza with a price tag of $12,000! This is no ordinary pizza, first the dough is aged perfectly before the chef arrives at your home. Yes, they will create this masterpiece in your home kitchen. Some of the ingredients include, three types of caviar, lobster from Norway, Cilento, bufala mozzarella cheese, and grains of pink Australian sea-salt from the Murray River.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Teach your kids to love music gear and they'll never have enough money to buy drugs.

Weird Word of the Week: US: Jalap or UK: Jollop – a liquid medicine of some sort, particularly cough syrup or a laxative. World Wide Words: Jollop

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Preserve floral arrangements. Spray Alberto VO5 Hair Spray on baby's breath, broom grass, and cattails to help preserve them. Hair Spray works like fixative, holding delicate buds and flowers in place. Alberto VO5® Hair Spray: Wacky Uses

Puzzle of the Week: This challenge comes from listener Jim Dale, of Plano, Texas. Think of a word with six syllables that's spelled with only 11 letters — and the four middle syllables have the same vowel. What word is it? NPR Sunday Puzzle 5/16/21

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Jooooe's Diiiiiiiner."

...........If it's the last thing we ever do...........The Animals with Hilton Valentine …..We Gotta Get Out of This Place

^^^^ In 2001, the Russian Space Agency was paid more than a million bucks to deliver a six-inch pizza to the International Space Station. Russian cosmonaut,Yuri Usachov had the honor of being the first person to receive a pizza delivery while in orbit.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: T-Shirt: I survived the great fuel shortage of Thursday.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Supanova Comic-Con & Gaming Expo (Melbourne, 22-23) Fast tracked from cinemas... Home - Supanova Comic Con & Gaming

Actual Science Convention of the Week: Bionanotechnology and Advanced Biorheology Conference (Vancouver, 20-21) ...diverse scholarly events... International Conference on Advanced Bionanotechnology, Biocatalysis and Biorheology ICABBB in May 2021 in Vancouver (waset.org)

Answer to Puzzle of the Week: Eligibility

Disgusting food. Terrible service. Drunk waiters. My uncle's hotel welcomes you. / Went to a burger joint a while ago. My son, 8 at the time, ordered sliders. When the waitress came with our orders, his plate fell and the food went everywhere. He looked at me straight-faced and said, "I guess that's why they call them sliders."

..........Here we are, out of cigarettes........Fats Waller …..Two Sleepy People

^^^^^ Future King David delivered roasted grain, bread, and cheese (that sounds like pizza to me) to his brothers on the battlefield and that's how he happened to meet and defeat Goliath. I Samuel 17

Science Quote of the Week: It's a very sobering feeling to be up in space and realize that one's safety factor was determined by the lowest bidder on a government contract. --Alan Shepard, astronaut

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Not saying lumber prices are getting out of hand but I was thinking of building a birdhouse and the bank turned down my loan. --Submitted by INRITH

Today's Peace of History, May 21, 1979: Elton John became the first western rocker to perform live in the USSR.

What do you call a Rhodes Scholar with a bottle of champagne? A waiter / Oh, waitress, there's a caterpillar in my salad.” “I'm so sorry sir, I didn't know you were vegetarian.”

..........I'm just a soul whose intentions are good.........The Animals with Hilton Valentine …..Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle May 21, 2021, ePistle aWaiting. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence, KS 66047

Moonbeam: People are not like a business. --Harold Robbins

Cost of War:

As of 5/20/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,131,592,158,506.

As of 5/13/21 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,129,633,103,397.

As of 5/20/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,037,577,540,682.

As of 5/13/21 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $1,036,245,690,807.

As of 5/20/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $854,040,229,066.

As of 5/13/21 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $852,365,911,126.

As of 5/20/21Veterans Care since 2001: $349,736,400,926.

As of 5/13/21Veterans Care since 2001: $349,355,867,211.

As of 5/20/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,372,947,403,285.

As of 5/13/21 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,367,601,364,425.

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Placing culture at the heart of development policy constitutes an essential investment in the world's future and a pre-condition to successful globalization processes that take into account the principles of cultural diversity. --UN World Day for Cultural Diversity for Dialogue & Development.

Famous Last Words: I am gently going to my grave. It is the will of God. --Father Damien's last public writing

..........Dream awhile, scheme a while..........Fats Waller …..I Can't Give You Anything But Love

The new restaurant has a science fiction theme. I was served by Darth Waiter. / I've never been in love but I imagine its similar to the feeling you get when your waitress arrives with your food.

May Peace serve you

And Joy nurture you

prairie mama

christine

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