Famous First Words: Late in the afternoon... Harriet Beecher Stowe Uncle Tom's Cabin
Welcome to World Storytelling Day! A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. They're immediately taken back to an exam room. Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill. “This must be a mistake,” the man says. “I've only been here 20 minutes.” “No mistake,” the doctor says. “It's $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan, and $50 for the medicine.
....... You're handsome, you're perfect.........Ozzie Nelson Orchestra …..And Then Some
The US is so bad right now that my friend received a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
When we look for what's best in the person we happen to be with at the moment, we're doing what God does, so in appreciating our neighbor, we're participating in something truly sacred. --Fred Rogers
It is a warm (51°F) and gorgeous Friday morning. The rising sun has turned the eastern sky to light and color and life; but out the western windows awaking is slower and less dramatic. Earth emerges from shadow to color and movement. No wind blows the tree branches but birds draw streaks across the sky and squirrels scurry to find breakfast. Grass has greened and pink and blue flowers have popped up across lawns. Willow branches now covered in pale yellow leaf buds are laying still without even a hint of wind. Puck has been out and now sleeps under my desk, snoring lightly. I am sipping decaf and enjoying spring in Kansas. Writing to you is just icing on the cake.
May your weekend be filled with wonderful stories, Raconteurs
First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You know you're from Kansas when you know “Western Kansas” starts exactly where the trees stop. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61577026063025
Marked Safe of the Week: I have relatives who live in Dayton, Ohio. I messaged them to see if they were hit by exploding meteors? This was the reply: We're in the southernmost part of Ohio, and didn't get to hear it even. Wild, though, now I wish we had been! We get the very occasional sonic boom from the air force base during the annual airshow, but nothing like that. --dr of oh
Arnold and Zach are sitting at a bar watching the 6 o'clock news. It is reporting on a man on a ledge of a tall building threatening to jump off. Zach says to Arnold, “I'll be you ten bucks that he jumps.” Arnold takes the bet, and sure enough, moments later the unfortunate man jumps off the ledge. Arnold gets out his wallet and hands a ten-dollar bill to Zach who says, “I can't take your money. I saw the story on the 5 o'clock news; I knew he was going to jump.” Arnold replied, “I saw the story on the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he'd do it again.”
..........That longhorn Caddy got a great big tank.........Stevie & Jimmy Vaughan …..Good Texan
The US is so bad right now that CEO's are playing miniature golf.
Trivia Questions: Happy World Frog Day!
How long have frogs been around?
What is the world's largest frog?
What's the smallest frog that we know about?
How many species of frogs are there?
Frogs were the first to develop what organ and lots and lots of species now use?
Big Hello: As-salamu alaykum – Tsez (Russia) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Even the most beautiful pottery began as a pile of mud. So, if you're a fucking mess, be like mud – at least be a f*cking mess with potential. --K Creek
Peace Philosophy of the Week: “Rules of war” is anti-logical. If the point of war is to destroy the other side, why do you have rules? You can shoot a plane; you cannot shoot the people in parachutes exiting the plane that was just shot; but you can shoot them again as soon as they land. See what I mean. What this suggests to me is that “they” know it's a game or a sport. War requires sportsmanship. I think the main reason why war must uphold sportsmanship is because “they” aren't fighting it and “they” know that the people who are don't have a real stake in it. Makes me liars as well as murderers. “They: anybody advocating war as anything other than the very last resort. OR anybody trying to defend war for any reason.”
So a moth goes into a podiatrist's office. The doctor asks the moth, “What seems to be the problem?” The moth says, “Doc, I don't know where to start. I feel like my whole life has been wasted. I've been at the same job for 20 years and I don't just hate it, I'm revolted by it. I can barely summon the strength to drag myself in every day but I have no choice because I'm in debt up to my compound eyes. The idea of doing this job for years just makes me sick. I've grown apart from my wife. She's no longer the woman I loved, and I can barely stand to be around her but I feel guilty for feeling that way. My son...Doc, I just don't know if I love my own son because he reminds me of everything I hate about myself. I look into his eyes and see the same disgusting, snivelling cowardice I know everyone sees in me. I feel like my entire life is nothing more than a fragile web of lies just barely holding me back from the screaming abyss.” The podiatrist says to the moth, “You do seem to have a lot of problems, but I'm just a podiatrist. You need to see a therapist, a psychiatrist even. Why did you come to me?” And the moth says, “The light was on.”
..........Peace and understand, and it happened this way..........Jimmie & Stevie Vaughan …..Tick Tock
The US is so bad right now that Exxon-Mobil laid off 26 congressmen.
Moonbeam: Never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and truth. --Henrik Ibsen
Blasphemy of the Week: Food For Thought: If Adam and Eve had been Cajuns, they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple and saved us all a lot of problems. --Submitted by Wittenburg Door
Coffee Joke of the Week: Do not tell these overused coffee jokes to your barista: Hit me with your best shot, full steam ahead, java nice day, and not your average joe.
Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number. --Submitted by LanguageNerds
An old, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on the head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, greeted me in the yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: ”I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.” The next day he arrived for his nap with a different note pinned to his collar; “He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 – he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?”
.........Bones are achin' bad thoughts in my head.........Jimmie Vaughan …..Dengue Woman Blues
The US is so bad right now that McDonald's is selling the ¼ ouncer.
1) There is evidence that frogs have roamed the Earth for more than 200 million years. That means they predate the dinosaurs.
Almanac: It is Friday, March 20, 2026. The moon was new yesterday (3/19) and is in Aries. The United Nations has declared today the International Day of Happiness. Today is also Alien Abduction Day, Bed-In for Peace Day, French Language Day, Great American MeatOut Day, International Astrology Day, National Native HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, Ostara aka Spring Equinox aka Vernal Equinox, Proposal Day, Snowman Burning Day, World Flour Day, World Frog Day, World Sparrow Day, World Daffodil Day, World Day of Theater For Children and Young People, and World Storytelling Day.
Among those born on this day were Balthasar Bekker (1634), Napoleon Bonaparte II (1811), Henrik Ibsen (1828), Edgar Buchanan (1902), Burrhus Frederic Skinner (1904), Ozzie Nelson (1906), Michael Redgrave (1908), Ray Goulding (1922), John Erlichman (1925), Mr. Fred McFeely Rogers (1928), Hal Linden (Harold Lipshitz, 1931), Jerry Reed (1937), Bobby Orr (1948), Pamela Sargent (1948), William Hurt (1950), Jimmie Vaughan (1951), Spike Lee (1957), and Holly Hunter (1958).
On March twentieth the United Dutch East India Company formed (1602), Walter Raleigh was released from the Tower of London to seek gold in Guyana (1616), Boston had a great fire (1760), the US Supreme Court affirmed its right to review state court decisions (1816), Uncle Tom's Cabin was published (1852), Michigan authorized workers' cooperatives (1865), the first recorded intercollegiate basketball game was played, Yale beat UPA 32 to 10 (1897), Captain Brassbound's Conversion premiered (1906), Babe Didrickson pitched a hitless inning for the Philadelphia A's in an exhibition game (1934), Your Hit Parade debuted on radio (1935), Gentleman's Agreement won best picture (1948), American in Paris won best picture (1952), Tunisia gained independence (1956), 156-Day strike against Westinghouse Electric Corp. ended (1956), the first Pop Art exhibit opened (1963), gold backing was removed from US paper currency (1968), John Lennon married Yoko Ono (1969), Patty Hearst was convicted of armed robbery (1976), the Lakers retired Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's number - 33 (1990).
Night Sky, 3/20: The spring equinox occurs at 9:46 am CDT. On this day the daylight/night time are nearly equal in length worldwide. There is a moon /Venus conjunction just after sunset.
Fraternal Picture of the Week: Boying the ramparts
This Week: Saturday, March 21 – International Day of Forests and The Tree & Memory Day & Walk In The Sand Day
Sunday, March 22- National Goof-off Day & Talk Like William Shatner Day & Women Arts Day
Night Sky, 3/22: The weeks surrounding the equinox are known for higher frequencies of the Aurora Borealis (Northern Lights).
Monday, March 23- Atheist Day & National Puppy Day & World Meteorological Day
Tuesday, March 24 – Diabetes Association Alert Day & National Agriculture Day
Wednesday, March 25 – All Womens' Equal Pay Day & International Balloon Animal Day & Tolkien Reading Day
Night Sky, 3/25: Sunrise: 7:17 am Sunset: 7:38 pm ( 12 hours and 21 minutes of daylight) Moonrise: 2:44 am Moonset: 11:43 am
Thursday, March 26 – Make Up Your Own Holiday Day & Spinach Day & Live Long And Prosper Day
One day mom was out and dad was in charge of the 3 year old, who had a little “tea set” as a gift. It was one of her favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when she brought him a little cup of “tea” which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, mom came home. Dad made her sit quietly in another room so she could watch the daughter bring her dad a cup of tea because she was so cute. Mom waited, and sure enough, she came walking down the hall with a cup of water for daddy. Mom watches dad drink from the tea cup. Then she said, “Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the dog's dish?”
..........Heaven done called another blues-stringer back home.........Jimmie Vaughan …..Six Strings Down
The US is so bad right now that Angelina Jolie adopted a child from Alabama.
2) The world's largest frog is the goliath frog of West Africa. It can grow to 15 inches and weigh up to 7 pounds.
Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Elon Musk's Tesla Restaurant is so empty even the protesters stopped going. https://www.facebook.com/wokeginger
Moonbeam: Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten. --B F Skinner
Fun Fact of the Week: Norway is on track to become the first country to transition to electric vehicles. 88.9% of auto sales 2024. But the most fun was that the blurb called non-electric cars fossil cars.
Video of the Week: John Erlichman (interviewed by Mike Wallace) trying to explain the list of illegal things Nixon and his minions did. Erlichman spent actual time in jail for it. (1:51) https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=736945804167051
The more we can be in a relationship with those who might seem strange to us, the more we can feel like we're neighbors and all members of the human family. --Fred Rogers
In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field. "We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear poop. Black bear poop is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear poop has little bells in it and smells like pepper."
..........We gonna do what they say can't be done.........Jerry Reed …..East Bound And Down
The US is so bad right now that parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
3) The smallest known frog species is also the smallest vertebrate. It is Paedophryne amauensis, discovered in Papua New Guinea in 2012. These tiny frogs live in leaf litter and measure only about a third of an inch (7.7 to 7.9 millimeters) long. They are a reddish-brown color with high-pitched calls.
Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I am no longer impressed that Nicholas Cage managed to steal the Declaration of Independence. --Adam Herman --Submitted by Club42
Weird Word of the Week: Clinquant: glittering or showy. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/clinquant
Dragon of the Week:
Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean stained grout. Pour Coca-Cola over the affected area, let sit for five minutes, and whip clean. The phosphoric acid in the Coke cleans the grout. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola2.html ~~Does it clean our gut the same way?
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets a suit. He decides to buy her flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers. He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line getting into the dance, so they wait and wait. Finally, they get into the dance and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for some punch, so he goes to the drink table, there is no punch line.
...........Bandit, you're reckless, and you live much too hard.........Jerry Reed …..The Bandit
The US is so bad right now that a truckload of Americans were caught sneaking into Mexico.
4) There are over 6,000 species of frogs worldwide and scientists continue to search for new ones.
Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You know it's going to be a bad day when you try to pronounce the name of your prescription but accidentally summons a demon instead. --David Hamera --Submitted by Home Groan Puns
Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Zenkaikon 2026 (20-22, Lancaster, PA) ...a melting pot of fans...and more https://zenkaikon.com/
Observation of the Week: There is the thing that bothers me about the Florida death penalty for child rape. The set limit of 12 years of younger is much too low. Mostly it sort of says it's okay if they're 13+ year old girls. FYI: I'm against the death penalty on grounds irrelevant to the crime. ~~From time to time I remind people that there are men in the world who want to decriminalize rape altogether.
Spark of Joy of the Week: I recommend no less than 4 copies of any beloved book. A paperback for margin notes and lending to friends, an eBook for reading with greasy snack fingers, an audio book so you know how character names are pronounced, and a pristine hardcover to be buried with you like a pharaoh. --Jonathan Edward Durham --Submitted by Laughing Librarian
A woman was driving down the road when a policeman stopped her. The officer looked in the back of the truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?” The woman replied, “”They are mine. They swam onto the beach while I was sunbathing and adopted me.” “You need to take them to the zoo.” the officer said. The next day that officer saw the same woman in the same truck driving down the road with the same penguins. This time they were wearing sunglasses. He pulls her over and says, “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo?” “ I did. They loved it.” the woman replied, “And today we're going to the beach.”
..........If I can keep it on the ground when I put my hammer down..........Jerry Reed …..Texas Bound And Flying
The US is so bad right now that a picture is now only worth 200 words.
5) Frogs were the first land animals with vocal cords. Male frogs have vocal sacs—pouches of skin that fill with air. These balloons resonate sounds like a megaphone, and some frog sounds can be heard from a mile away.
Protest Sign of the Week: Flush The Orange Turd
Quote of the Week: As you know, there are some countries whose leaders don't support free speech. I'm not at liberty to say which. Let's just leave it at North Korea and CBS. --Jimmy Kimmel @ the 2026 Oscars
Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Replacing “I don't know” with “unfortunately the answer would drive you to madness” in all work emails going forward. --Submitted by Laughing Librarian
Today's Peace of History: March 20, 1985: Libby Riddles became the first woman to win the Iditarod Trail Dog Sled Race.
A businessman went into the office and found a handyman painting the walls. The worker was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day. Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing parkas on such a hot day. The handman showed him the instructions on the can of paint: “For best results put on two coats.”
..........a ready-made pile of manufactured grief.........Jerry Reed …..Lord, Mr. Ford
The US is so bad right now that the Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is being managed by Somali pirates.
Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, March 20, 2026: Storied ePistle . Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.
Moonbeam: The barbarous custom of having men beaten who are suspected of having important secrets to reveal must be abolished. It has always been recognized that this way of interrogating men, by putting them to torture, produces nothing worthwhile. The poor wretches say anything that comes into their mind and what they think the interrogator wishes to know. --Napoleon
Cost of War:
Pentagon Spending as of 3/19/26: $474,262,113,271
Pentagon Spending as of 3/12/26: $453,699,187,313 – $20,562,925,958 spent this week
Pentagon Spending as of 3/05/26: $435,095,928,797 -$18,603,258,516 spent this week
https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/category/military/
Children aren't responsible for wars. --Fred Rogers
Famous Last Words: I have tried to be objective. I do not claim to be detached. --C Wright Mills (died March 20, 1962. ...this is his epitaph which he helped choose before he died.
..........Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you.........Ozzie Nelson Orchestra with Harriet Hillard Nelson …..Dream A Little Dream Of Me
Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and the father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy." The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies." A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he's been all night. The baby stork says, "Nowhere. Just scaring the hell out of college students!"
May Peace speak your narrative
And Joy play your soundtrack
prairie mama
christine
Last Laugh:
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