hOme sPun ePistle

 Famous First Words: He's coming. Chorus Annie Get Your Gun

In Honor of the O'Henry Pun Off, which was held last weekend in Austin, Tx, here are some Other and some Henry puns. I'm currently reading a book about the life of Henry Ford. It's an auto biography. Õ Did you hear? Henry Winkler was arrested for financial fraud. He was running a Fonzi Scheme.

The real reason that we can't have the ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal”, “Thou shalt not commit adultrey”, and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment. --George Carlin

..........You want to make love to the scene..........Velvet Underground …..European Sun (for Delmore Schwartz)

Work is about a search for daily meaning as well as daily bread, for recognition as well as cash, for astonishment rather than torpor; in short, for a sort of life rather than a Monday through Friday sort of dying. --Studs Terkel

Yesterday (Thursday, 5/15) I was sick – dizzy every time I moved my head and vomiting even though I hadn't eaten anything. Thursdays are when I proof the ePistle. Today I am still dizzy but haven't thrown up yet. I have tried to proof, but still apologise for the mess.

Have a grape day, Punsters

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's not really my thing but “Good Morning” to everyone who celebrates it. https://www.facebook.com/groups/1600248646916288/

Henry Churches is a good musician. Google Translate: Enrique Iglesias es un buen músico. Õ The most famous car maker from Norway is Henry Fjord.

Instead of Air Force One, let's call it Exhibit A.

.........Telling my whole life with his words..........Roberta Flack …..Killing Me Softly (for Don McLean)

Trivia Questions: Happy 106^th Birthday to Liberace

1. What was Liberace's given name?

2. When did Liberace begin piano lessons?

3. How did Liberace describe his music style?

4. What part did Liberace play on Batman (1966)?

5. What bathroom item did Liberace invent?

Big Hello: Halò – Scottish Gaelic https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When I worked in the academic advising department at UCA I never thought the answer to the question, “What can I do with a math major”, would be, “become pope” --Submitted by sb of ar

Image of the Week: Happy Morel Mushroom Day

Insult of the Week: He would make a lovely corpse. --Charles Dickens The Life & Adventures of Martin Chuzzlewit

One of my ancestors was hired by Henry VIII to teach his son the trumpet. He was a Tudor tooter tutor. Õ I have a friend named Henry the fourth. Unfortunately, we call him HIV.

If my name was David and I had a boy, I would have to name him Harley. That way he could introduce himself as Harley David's son.

..........Didn't you love the things that they stood for.........Dion DeMucci …..Abraham, Martin, & John (Lincoln, King, & Kennedy)

Moonbeam: I speak on due consideration because Britain, France, and Mexico have abolished slavery, and all other European states are preparing to abolish it as speedily as they can. --William H Seward

Blasphemy of the Week: If I am right, then (religious fundamentalists) will not go to Heaven, because there is no Heaven. If they are right, then they will not go to Heaven, because they are hypocrites. --Isaac Asimov

Coffee Joke of the Week: Coffee: the most important meal of the day.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you could have sex with any famous celebrities dead or alive which one would it be? Alive!

Henry VIII's second wife never came into a room quickly. She'd just Anne Boleyn. Õ Mindy, did you put the cat out? No, Henry, was she on fire?

Real quick, what is the tariff on $400M Qatar jet?

..........Nunc et in hora mortis..........Franz Shubert …..Ave Maria (Virgin Mary)

1) Mr Showmanship was born Wladziu Valentino Liberace in Wisconsin.

Almanac: It is Friday, May 15, 2025. The moon will enter the first quarter next Tuesday (5/20) and is in Capricorn. Today is Biographer's Day, Endangered Species Day, Honor Our LGBT Elders Day, International Day of Living in Peace, International Virtual Assistants Day, Morel Mushroom Day, NASCAR Day, National BBQ Day, National Bike to Work Day, National Piercing Day, National Pizza Party Day, National Sea Monkey Day, and World Eel Day.

Among those who were born on this day are William Henry Seward (1801), Eduard Hille (1822), Lily Pons (1904), Henry Fonda (1905), Studs Terkel (1912), Liberace (1919), Harry Carey Jr. (1921), Billy Martin (1928), Sputnik Spooner (1949), Pierce Brosnan (1952), and Debra Winger (1955).

On May sixteenth Mary, Queen of Scotland, fled to England (1568), Samuel Johson met James Boswell (1763), Marie Antoinette married Louis XVI (1770), Mississippi River steamboat service began (1817), Kentucky proclaimed neutrality (1861), the US Bureau of Mines was formed (1910), Joan of Arc was canonized (1920), Food stamps were first issued (1939), Annie Get Your Gun premiered (1946), Spaghetti-Os went on the market (1965), National Welfare Rights Organization began (1966), Junko Tabei became the first woman to reach the Mt, Everest summit (1975), Michael Jordan was named Rookie of the Year (1985), and the Endeavor makes its maiden voyage (1992).

Night Sky, 5/16: Vega is the brightest star in the east-northeast after dark. Look 15° (about a fist and a half at arm's length) upper left of Vega for Eltanin, the 2nd-magnitude nose of Draco the Dragon. Closer above and upper left of Eltanin are the three fainter stars that form the rest of Draco's stick-figure head, also called the Lozenge. Draco always points his nose to Vega, no matter how he's oriented. Dragons do have a thing for jewels. The faintest star of Draco's head, opposite Eltanin, is Nu Draconis. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Jurassic Park Adventure

This Week: Saturday, May 17 – Do Dah Day & National Auctioneers Day & The Preakness & World Fiddle Day

Sunday, May 18 – Buy A Musical Instrument Day & International Museum Day & Neighbor Day

Night Sky, 5/18: This is the time of year when Leo the Lion starts walking downward toward the west, on his way to departing into the sunset in early summer. Right after dark, spot the brightest star fairly high in the west-southwest. That's Regulus, his forefoot.

Monday, May 19 – Accounting Day & May Ray Day & Victoria Day

Tuesday, May 20 – Blue Jeans Day & National Streaming Day & Weights and Measures Day & World Bee Day

Wednesday, May 21 – Emergency Medical Services Day & National Memo Day & Turn Beauty Inside Out Day

Night Sky, 5/21: Mars (magnitude +1.1, in Cancer) glows high in the southwest in the evening. It's the orange dot about 1½ or 2 fist-widths upper left of Pollux and Castor, which are similar to it at magnitudes +1.1 and +1.6, respectively. Now that Mars and Pollux are the same brightness, it's an ideal time to compare their colors. Mars is more strongly tinted than pale yellow-orange Pollux, a type G8 giant star. Farther below Mars shines Procyon, magnitude +0.4.

Thursday, May 22 – Harvey Milk Day & National Maritime Day & World Goth Day

Henry V's greatest military achievement was capturing Harfleur with a single marshmallow. One s'more unto the breach, dear friends, one s'more. Õ Tiff Wimberly, who introduced herself as meteorologist Dorothy Gale, announcing "the forecast for Oztin calls for mostly punny with a chance of Blunder."

Let's sell the plane and use the cash to buy girls more dolls.

..........Nursing is an art, my friend..........English Kids Song …..Lady With The Lamp (Florence Nightingale)

2) Liberace began playing piano when he was 3 years old and soon learned to play by ear. At the age of 7 he was enrolled at the Wisconsin College of Music.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The new pope has a degree in mathematics from Villanova University. This guy doesn't just understand sin. He understands cos. --Submitted by High Church Coyote

Moonbeam: Everything good that has happened to me has happened as a direct result of something bad. --Harry Caray

Fun Fact of the Week: Cats On A Couch is a facebook page whose sole purpose in existing is to have more followers than JD Vance. It has cat gifs, jokes, cutenesses, etc. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61563851558687&sk=reels_tab

Video of the Week: Ethyl Merman singing You Can't Get A Man With A Gun (3:12) https://youtu.be/EslXq-O2moM

Hope never trickles down. It always springs up. --Studs Terkel

If we invade Canada, I'm on Canada's side.

What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the VII have in common? Same middle name. Õ Dad: Remember Henry Jones who lived on Gordon Avenue. Me: No, but I remember Gordon Johnson who lived on Henry Avenue.

..........Hollywood created a superstar..........Elton John …..Candle in the Wind (Marilyn Monroe & Princess Diana)

3) Liberace described his songs as classical music without all the boring parts.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you've never questioned your life choices while holding a cup of cold tea and staring into the abyss, are you really living? --Submitted by 42 Collective

Sports Pun of the Week: Every horse in the 2025 Kentucky Derby traces back to Secretariat. This is a clear case of Neighpotism.

Weird Word of the Week: Gelotologist: specialist in gelotology, the study of humor, laughter, and the exercising of the gelastic muscles, a deeply serious exploration of what happens to our bodies when we're exposed to humor. https://www.worldwidewords.org/ww-gel1.html

Dragon of the Week: Vritra, Hindu Serpent

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Hand wash lingerie. Mix one teaspoon Clairol Herbal Essences Shampoo in a sink filled with warm water, let the lingerie soak in the sudsy solution for five minutes, and rinse clean without wringing the items. Lay the lingerie on a white towel, roll up the towel to absorb excess moisture, and then hand up the lingerie to drip dry. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/clairol.html

I can't believe people are comparing Donny Nappleseed* to Satan. Yes, he's evil, but he's certainly not as evil as Greedy McGolfy* --Ice T

*Name replaced by one of Jimmy Kimmel's 78 nicknames for #47.

Henry the sixth was a VIKing. Õ A charcuterie spread with the meat in the shape of a peace sign is called Salaami.

...........You never combed your hair..........Elis Paul …..Albert Einstein

4) After his variety television show (called the Liberace Show) aired, he appeared on 2 episodes of Batman. He portrayed a concert pianist and his evil twin.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: All the brains in the world are powerless against the sort of stupidity that is in fashion. --Jean de La Fontaine

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: ICCCon Part VII 2025 (16-18, Nashville, TN) Welcome to the Future of Conventions https://iccollectorsconvention.com/

Spark of Joy of the Week: Jon Stewart's Ok or Not Ok Chart. https://thesarkariform.com/jon-stewarts-new-method-to-expose-trumps-endless-nonsense/ (you have to scroll down to the video) (2:22)

It is impossible to starve children to death in self defense.

Why is it called primal scream instead of scream of consciousness? Õ I dress as a road every Halloween; it's my all tar ego. Õ There are two species of palm trees that are symbionts, or you could say they're fronds with benefits.

..........I can do better..........Irving Berlin …..Anything You Can Do (Annie Oakley)

5) Liberace designed a retracting toilet that folded into the wall of a bathroom. “There's just no reason why you should walk into a bathroom and see a toilet. It's unglamorous.”

Protest Sign of the Week: Just Say No

Better Protest Sign of the Week: Without Immigrants Trump Would Have No Wives

Quote of the Week: Thank you, Pope Francis. --Pope Leon XIV

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: America now has both the pope and the antichrist. @sadmhounsters --Submitted by MMS

Today's Peace of History: May 16, 1792: Denmark became the first country to outlaw the slave trade.

Earth's application to the Galactic Federation was rejected again. Reason: Excessive reality TV.

Did Jimi Hendrix come from the Great Rift Valley: 'Cause he sure can play that guitar. Õ You can dissolve more ramen flavor packets in hot water than cold water. It's called soupersaturation.

..........Working cheap and biding time.........The Eagles …..Doolin Dalton (Bill Doolin, Bill Dalton & the Wild Bunch)

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, May 16, 2025, hOme sPun ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: There is nothing new except what has been forgotten. --Marie Antoinette

Cost of War:

As of 05/15/25 State Department Costs: $265,082,023,227

As of 05/08/25 State Department Costs: $264,521,078,217

As of 05/15/25 Homeland Security: $1,199,640,886,387

As of 05/08/25 Homeland Security: $1,199,031,549,713

As of 05/15/25 Interest on War Debt: $1,299,505,296,073

As of 05/08/25 Interest on War Debt: $1,297,938,376,92

As of 05/15/25 Military Costs: $3,146,346,757,584

As of 05/08/25 Military Costs: $3,145,156,986,265

As of 05/15/25 Veterans Care: $4,275,847,546,832

As of 05/08/25 Veterans Care:$4,263,966,336,497

As of 05/15/25 Total Cost of Wars: $10,186,426,191,563

As of 05/08/25 Total Cost of Wars: $10,170,615,810,731

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

We are living in the United States of Alzheimer's. A whole country has lost its memory. When it can't remember yesterday, a country forgets what it once wanted to be. --Studs Terkel

Famous Last Words: Jesus --Joan of Arc Burned at the stake May 30, 1431

..........Andy, are you goofing on Elvis...........R.E.M. …..Man On The Moon (Andy Kaufman) Happy Biographers Day

To be called “woke” in a world that sleeps through suffering is not an insult, it's the gospel. --Pope Leon XIV

Genghis Khan was such an effective warlord because ws always one steppe ahead of the enemy. Õ The library's Audio Books collection is cataloged in the Dewey Decibel System.

May your Peace be inner and outer

And your joy be a font

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

mOm's ePistle

Famous First Words: Whereas, By a joint proclamation... Wilson's Declaration creating Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day. It's not easy being a mom. It if was easy, fathers would do it. --Betty White Ӫ Today we honor cooks, nurses, chauffeurs, counselors, teachers, aids, and referees. In other words...moms.

The Best & Worst of Hollywood Squares: If you're going to make a parachute jump, how high should you be? Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. Submitted by jo of ks

..........It's time ole Hank paid his due.........Hank Snow …..Breakfast With The Blues

There is no separation. We are all from the same place. As long as there is respect and acknowledgement of connection things continue working. When that stops we all die. --Joy Harjo

It is a gorgeous (59°F) Friday morning. The sun is shining in an azure sky with no clouds. There is no wind to speak of and even the willow branches have switched to slow dancing. Foliage is green and growing; my hollyhock leaves are the size of Sally Rand's fans. The resident bunny rabbit is no longer hidden against the brown grass, but is quite visible munching away at the green lawn. Birds are chattering about their day. Puck stayed a while outside before returning for his early morning nap which is accompanied by tiny snorts. Veronica put in an appearance and disappeared. I lit up a cone of incense to add a bit of fragrance to the room. Now I sip my cup of toasted almond decaf. All in all a great day to write to you.

Hope your weekend is full and fine, children – new and old

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The universal language is not math. It's the exaggerated shrug. --Submitted by 42 Collective

Motherhood Inc, Human Resources: One vacation day a year? That's all I get? We call it Mother's Day but technically you still have to work. Ӫ If you want your children to call you on Mother's Day, try posting something embarrassing about them on instagram. ₿ Usually, the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty. --Julia Roberts

The Best & Worst of Hollywood Squares: Do female frogs croak? Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

..........I've breathed the mountain, air, man.........Hank Snow …..I've Been Everywhere

Trivia Questions: Happy Alphabet Magnet Day!

1) Why were alphabet magnets invented?

2) Who invented them?

3) When were alphabet magnets first sold to the public?

4) Can you wash alphabet magnets?

5) In what year was the Alphabet Magnet Day first celebrated?

Big Hello: Bona die – Sardinian (Logudorese) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When the horse comes back into town without the rider, you know something bad happened. But no one ever suspects the horse. --Bob Pease

Image of the Week: Puck: Morning Nap With Blanket

Insult of the Week: If I was as ignorant as you I wouldn't let on. --Mark Twain The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts

What do I wanna do for Mother's Day? Well, something with the kids, for sure and then for the love of God something alone, please. Ӫ Stripped of her youth, her energy, her money, she quietly reflects on the joys of motherhood. ₿ Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I'm looking forward to investigating in the future. --Amy Poehler

The Best & Worst of Hollywood Squares: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

..........You were flyin' too high for my little old sky.........Hank Snow …..I'm Movin' On

Moonbeam: The path to paradise begins in hell. --Dante Alighieri

Blasphemy of the Week: When God looks down and sees how we're acting, does He say “Medamnit!”?https://www.facebook.com/PatheticHilarious

Coffee Joke of the Week: I made my coffee with Red Bull this morning. Then I left for work and 15 minutes later, I realized I forgot the car.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Guide was recently updated to include: “If confused, nap.” --Submitted by 42 Collective

I'm sorry about all those dumb little things I did when I was a kid. Just be thankful you only know about half of them Ӫ When my children told me they were going to make breakfast for me on Mother's Day, we conducted an impromptu course on using the fire extinguisher. ₿ The majority of my diet is made up of foods that my kids didn't finish. --Carrie Underwood

The Best & Worst of Hollywood Squares: According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a strange man at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

..........Everybody look what's going down.........Buffalo Springfield with Richie Furay …..For What It's Worth

1) Although traditionally, we might think of a magnet letter as a children's toy, the first known magnet letters were actually created for the space industry. NASA needed magnetic letters and numbers for charting and tracking inside spacecraft.

Almanac: It is Friday, May 9, 2025. The moon will be full (Flower) on Monday (5/12) and it is in Libra. Today is Alphabet Magnet Day, Europe Day, Home Front Heroes Day, National Moscato Day, and National Sleepover Day. Because it's the second Friday it is also Fintastic Friday: Giving Sharks a Voice. And because it is the Friday before Mother's Day it is Child Care Provider Day, Military Spouse Appreciation Day, National Public Gardens Day, and National Provider Appreciation Day.

Among those born on this day were Dante Alighieri (1265), Abraham van Diepenbeeck (1675), Giovanni Paisiello (1740), Gaspard Monge (1746), James Pollard Espy (1785), John Brown (1800), J M Barrie (1860), Howard Carter (1874), (Clarence) Hank Snow (1914), Mike Wallace (1918), Daniel Berrigan (1921), Glenda Jackson (1936), Richie Furay (1944), Billy Joel (1949), Joy Harjo (1951), and John Corbett (1962).

On May ninth the Treaty of Windsor was ratified (Portugal & England, 1386), Columbus left Cadiz on this final trip (1502), the first newspaper political cartoon was published (1754), the American Civil War ended (1865), FYI: the North won), President Wilson proclaimed the first Mother's Day (1914), the world's first Eye Bank opened in NYC (1944), Hermann Goering was captured by US (1945), Peace Settlement (Philippines & Japan, 1956), and the final episode of Golden Girls aired (NBC, 1992).

Night Sky, 5/9: Three zero-magnitude stars shine after dark in May: Arcturus high in the southeast, Vega much lower in the northeast, and Capella in the northwest. They appear so bright because each is at least 60 times as luminous as the Sun and because they're all relatively nearby: 37, 25, and 42 light-years from us, respectively. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: They're at it again. 5/3/25 I Poulsbo, WA

This Week: Saturday, May 10 – Clean Your Room Day & Letter Carriers Stamp Out Hunger Food Drive Day

Sunday, May 11 – Eat What You Want Day & Mother's Day & Mother's At The Wall Day

Night Sky, 5/11: What is the oldest thing you have ever seen? For everyone in the world it's at least the Sun and other objects of the solar system; Earth is 4.6 billion years old. (Everything on or just under Earth's surface is much younger.) Next is Arcturus, which most people have surely seen whether they know it or not, since it's one of the brightest stars in the sky. It's a Population II orange giant, which is about 7 billion years old, just passing through our region of the Milky Way.

Monday, May 12 – Buddha Day & Day of Vesak (May Full Moon) & Limerick Day & Odometer Day

Tuesday, May 13 – American Indian Day & Indigenous Arts Day & World Cocktail Day

Wednesday, May 14 – National Chicken Dance Day & National Night Shift/Third Shift Workers Day & Underground America Day

Night Sky, 5/14: Uranus is lost in the sunset. Neptune, a mere 8th magnitude, lurks hidden in the dawn in the background of Venus and Saturn.

Thursday, May 15 – Straw Hat Day & Nylon Stockings Day & Peace Officer Memorial Day & Lag B'Omer

There is a legend that if you're taking a bath and scream out loud “Mom” three times, a nice lady appears bringing you the towel you forgot. Ӫ The week before Mother's Day my optometrist offers free exam for eyes in the back of your head. ₿ I always say if your aren't yelling at your kinds, you're not spending enough time with them. --Reese Witherspoon

The Best & Worst of Hollywood Squares: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you grow older? Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

..........We are only what we feel.........Buffalo Springfield with Richie Furay …..On The Way Home

2) Sam Hardcastle invented the fully magnetic, flexible letters and numbers that became the first rendition of alphabet magnets and space ship aids.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Happy Mother's Day to all the teachers accidentally called Mom once. --Submitted by High Church Coyote

Moonbeam: I cannot remember a night so dark as to have hindered the coming day. --John Brown

Fun Fact of the Week: The Treaty of Windsor is a diplomatic alliance signed between Portugal and England on 9 May 1386 in Windsor and sealed by the marriage of King John I of Portugal to Philippa of Lancaster, daughter of John of Gaunt, 1st Duke of Lancaster.

Video of the Week: Obituary for Father Daniel Berrigan (:20) https://youtu.be/WnVFOZ7WP9E

True power does not amass through the pain and suffering of others. --Joy Harjo

The Best & Worst of Hollywood Squares: According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

Never ask Batman what he's doing for Mother's Day. Ӫ Dear Mom, I was gonna give you an all expense paid, first-class trip to Hawaii for Mother's Day. But I knew how much you'd miss me, and I just couldn't put you through that kind of agony. ₿ The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. --Calvin Trillin

..........In time, you know my melody will haunt you.........Poco with Richie Furay …..You Better Think Twice

3) On May 9, 1972, Fisher-Price released a toy known as School Desk Days, which included the colorful, hard plastic magnetic numbers and letters. Later in the 70s they began to sell and market their Magnetic Alphabet toy separately.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I knocked over a plant in the kitchen and my cat saw me...So I had to spray myself with water to prove the law applies to everyone. https://www.facebook.com/churchmouseuk

Weird Word of the Week: Fewmet (also fewmishings) excrement or droppings from an animal hunted for game. https://www.worldwidewords.org/ww-few1.html

Dragon of the Week: Quetzalcoatl

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean hairspray build-up from a curling iron. Use a damp, soft clean cloth to rub a few drops of Clairol Herbal Essences Shampoo on a cool, unplugged curling iron. Rinse clean and dry. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/clairol.html

The Best & Worst of Hollywood Squares: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

My kids gave me a blanket for Mother's Day because I'm such a cool mom. Ӫ Cleaning with children in the house is like brushing your teeth with Oreos. ₿ Become a mom to mean means you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse. --Nia Vardalos

...........Tonight I'm gonna break away.........Poco with Richie Furay …..Crazy Love

4) To clean a magnet, you can wipe it with a clean cloth and warm, soapy water.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: For too long, we've all suffered the bizarre and oppressive policies I installed last week. --H Lin

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: I couldn't find a single Sci-Fi convention being held this weekend. I think this shows my lack of researching skills and not the state of fandom. So here's a actual science Convention instead: International Conference on Public Health and Epidemiology 9, NYC) https://www.allconferencealert.com/event/1501536

Spark of Joy of the Week: Best Penguin Moments Video (3:00) https://youtu.be/n_J3VpZbYzI

The Best & Worst of Hollywood Squares: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at a nudist camp. One is politics, what is the other? Paul Lynde: Tape measures

“It's spicy” is universal-mom-speak for “I don't want to share”. Ӫ Mums are always the best flower for Mother's Day. ₿ When my kids become wild and unruly, Iuse a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. --Erma Bombeck

..........Well, we're all in the mood for a melody.........Billy Joel …..Piano Man

(* In 2017 The Type Set Co founded Alphabet Magnet Day.

Protest Sign of the Week: I'm So Angry I Made A Sign

Better Protest Sign of the Week: Worst 100 Days Of My 82 Years. --Submitted by Feminist News

Quote of the Week: Ann Coulter said: “Would it be possible to have a cabinet meeting without the Kim Jong il-style tributes?” I could list a hundred reasons I despise Trump, but agreeing with Ann Coulter definitely cracks the top ten. https://www.facebook.com/reallyamerican

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I guess I'm going to have to bequeath this Equal Pay For Women sign to my granddaughter.

People from Chicago usually hate the Cardinals!

Today's Peace of History: May 9, 1967: In April, World Heavyweight Boxing Champion Muhammad Ali had refused induction into the U.S. Army based on his religious convictions. He claimed, "I ain't got no quarrel with those Vietcong." On this day, following his indictment by 24 hours, he was stripped of his title and his license to fight by the World Boxing Association.

The Best & Worst of Hollywood Squares: In bowling, what's a perfect score? Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy

Motherhood is like a reverse fairy tale. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people. Ӫ I hate it when I waiting for mom to fix supper and I realize I'm mom. ₿ My mother's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. --Buddy Hackett

..........She's ahead of her time.........Billy Joel …..She's Always A Woman

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, May 9, 2025, Mom's ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves. --James M Barrie

Cost of War:

As of 05/08/25 State Department Costs: $264,521,078,217

As of 05/01/25 State Department Costs: $263,957,863,358

As of 05/08/25 Homeland Security: $1,199,031,549,713

As of 05/01/25 Homeland Security: $1,198,430,706,392

As of 05/08/25 Interest on War Debt: $1,297,938,376,924

As of 05/01/25 Interest on War Debt: $1,296,393,325,364

As of 05/08/25 Military Costs: $3,145,156,986,265

As of 05/01/25 Military Costs: $3,143,983,936,719

As of 05/08/25 Veterans Care:$4,263,966,336,497

As of 05/01/25 Veterans Care: $4,252,254,046,719

As of 05/08/25 Total Cost of Wars: $10,170,615,810,731

As of 05/01/25 Total Cost of Wars: $10,155,033,128,384

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Bless the poets, the workers for justice, the dancers of ceremony, the singers of heartache, the visionaries, all makers and carriers of fresh meaning – We will all make it through, despite politics and wars, despite failures and misunderstandings. There is only love. --Joy Harjo

Famous Last Words: The love which moves the sun and the other stars. --Dante The Divine Comedy

..........They built you a temple and locked you away.........Billy Joel …..Only The Good Die Young

The Best & Worst of Hollywood Squares: Why do Hell's Angels wear leather? Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Beware! There are at least five species that eat their young. Your mom could be one of them. Ӫ If evolution really works how come mothers only have two hands. --Milton Berle

May Peace provide comfort

And Joy supply companionship

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

gRin's ePistle

Famous First Words: Be it enacted... Organic Act of 1890 creating the territory of Oklahoma.

May is National Smile Month. These classic jokes are the funniest according to Reader's Digest. A grandmother is watching her grandson at the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, “Please, God, save my grandson. I beg of you to bring him back.” With that a big wave washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. The grandmother looks up to heaven and said, “He had a hat.”

It's International Harry Potter Day! Harry had to throw out half his potions stash because they had passed their hexpiration date.

..........The whole world smiles with you...........Louis Armstrong …..When You're Smiling

Without freedom of choice, there is no creativity. Without creativity, there is no life. --Dr Benjamin Spock

It is a cloudy Friday morning. The sun is obstructed by big puffy white clouds, and by thin gray clouds, and by passing clouds sailing along on the 13 mph winds. Now and then the world lights up as a thick cloud travels on. The birdsong rises and falls independent of the clouds. The birds, apparently, are pleased with how the day is going so far; singing and flying around. Puck and Veronica have been out and returned for early morning naps. The sounds of the neighborhood awakening and going off to work has just picked up...car doors slamming, motors revving, early prayers to the gods of commerce. The wind cools the 57°F temperature and sets the willow to dancing. The sun filtered through the clouds is subdued and unpredictable. But my coffee is warm and creamy, my dog is asleep on my foot, and I get to write to you. These are all the makings of a great day.

Hope your weekend brings a smile to your face and the faces of those you see, Uśmiech-ers. (Polish for smile{-ers})

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: English is not a language; it's three languages wearing a trench coat pretending to be one. --Submitted by LaughingInDisbelief

In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks. God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.” With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great! The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complains. “That’s true,” says God. “So what happened?” God shrugs. “I didn’t recognize you.” --Submitted by Hank Chawansky

You can find Dumbledore's Army up his sleevey.

..........Somewhere in her smile she knows..........The Beatles …..Something

Trivia Questions: Happy Space Day!

1. What was the first (that we know of) human built object rocketed into space?

2. Who launched Luna 2 which crashed into the moon?

3. Who was the first human in space?

4. The next big space leap was a walk on the moon. What do you know about it?

5. What was the first manufactured item (that we know of) to leave the solar system?

The 5 missions included in today's trivia have been deemed the most important space events by a group which is not NASA. https://www.realshepower.in/top-10-space-exploration-missions/

Big Hello: Saludi – Sardinian (Campidanese) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: April showers bring moderate to severe joint pain. --Submitted by cmp of ks

Image of the Week: Pink Black Hole (NASA)

Insult of the Week: I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result. --Oscar Wilde The Importance of Being Earnest

Every 10 years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.” “I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.” —Submitted by Alan Lynch

Nearly Headless Nick was a poorly executed character.

..........It's worth all that's lost........Tim McGraw …..Just To See You Smile

Moonbeam: A great wind is blowing, and that gives you either imagination or a headache. --Catherine the Great

Blasphemy of the Week: There's a gang in my area who recruit new members by threatening them with all kinds of punishments if they don't join. But enough about the church... https://www.facebook.com/groups/903685330166072

Coffee Joke of the Week: I don't know what I'd do without coffee but I figure 25 to life.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Now we know the answer to “Would it kill you to spend five minutes with JD Vance. --Submitted by LaughingInDisbelief

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in. “So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog. “I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.” The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?” The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!” —Submitted by Harry Nelson

Harry Potter fans are like “I wanna go to Hogwarts”. The Wardrobe fans are like “I wanna go to Narnia”. Hunger Games fans are like, “No, I'm good”.

..........Life is still worthwhile...........Diana Ross …..Smile

1) 1957 Sputnik 1: Sputnik means “fellow traveler” in Russian. It became the world's first artificial satellite and kickstarted the “space age”.

Almanac: It is Friday, May 2, 2025. The moon will enter the first quarter on Sunday (5/4) and is in Cancer. Today is International Harry Potter Day, Life Insurance Day, Roberts Rule of Order Day, Scurvy Awareness Day, US Capitol Police Day, and World Tuna Day. Because it is the first Friday in May it is also School Lunch Hero Day, International Space Day aka Space Day, and Tuba Day.

Among those born on this day were Catherine II (the Great, 1729), Theodor Herzl (1840), Elijah McCoy (1844), E. E. "Doc" Smith (1890), The Red Baron (1892), Benjamin Spock (1903), Pinky Lee (1907), Theodore Bikel (1924), Larry Gatlin (1948), and Christine Baranski (1952).

On May second the Peace of Vervins between England and Spain was signed (1598), the first Peace of Aken (aka Treaty of Aix-la-Chapelle) was signed (1668), the "Great Covenant" was signed (1703), Xi Ursae Majoris was discovered (1780), the Hippodrome opened in NYC (1853), the first issue of "Good Housekeeping" was published (1885), the Territory of Oklahoma was created (1890), the first science fiction movie was released (A Trip to the Moon, 1902), the Jack Benny Show premiered on radio (1932), Emperor Haile Selassie fled Abyssinia (1936), Moon for the Misbegotten premiered (1947), Cage's Water Music was first performed (1952), Feisal II became king of Iraq (1953), Hussein I became king of Jordan (1953), and the Methodist church disallowed segregation (1956),

Night Sky, 5/2: Look for the Moon forming a gently curving line with Pollux and Castor. Mars looks on from their upper left. Although it's May now, wintry Sirius still twinkles very low in the west-southwest at the end of twilight. It sets soon after. How much longer into the spring can you keep Sirius in view? In other words, what will be its date of "heliacal setting" as seen by you? http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Max & Ollie indulging a favorite Seattle past time, rain watching

This Week: Saturday, May 3 – National Fitness Day & Public Radio Day & Sun Day & Wild Koala Day & World Press Freedom Day

Night Sky, 5/3-4: Eta Aquariid meteor shower- This meteor shower comes from Halley’s comet. It happens twice a year with a time interval of six months, and along its path you can see up to 50 shooting stars per hour. In 2025 the shower will take place from April 20 to May 21, with the peak from May 3 to 4.

Sunday, May 4 – May the Fourth Be With You Lemonade Day & Blessing of the Bikes Day & World Laughter Day

Monday, May 5 – Cartoonists Day & Cinco de Mayo & National Astronaut Day & Silence the Shame Day

Tuesday, May 6 – Foster Care Day & National Teacher Day & No Diet Day & Russell Stover Candies Day

Wednesday, May 7 – Beaufort Scale Day (Wind) & National Deaf Interpreter Day & School Nurse Day

Night Sky, 5/7: Jupiter (magnitude –2.0, in Taurus) shines bright white in the west in the early evening, 44° lower right of Mars along the ecliptic. Jupiter continues to form a shrinking triangle with Taurus's two horntip stars, Beta and fainter Zeta Tauri. The triangle will turn into a straight line on May 15th. Jupiter sets in the west-northwest around 11 p.m. daylight-saving time.

Thursday, May 8 – National Cruelty Free Day & No Socks Day & Student Nurse Day & World Red Cross Day

A Potterhead on a horse is called a Troterhead.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. “I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?” The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There’s silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “Okay, now what?” —Submitted by Gerald Dok

..........Your clothes may be Beau Brummelly..........Healy (Annie) …..You're Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile

2) In 1959, hot on the heels of Sputnik 1, the Soviets scored another space first with Luna 2. No soft landing was planned; the spacecraft deliberately crashed onto or into the lunar surface.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The most stable object in the known universe is a British teacup during a crisis. --Submitted by 42 Collective

Moonbeam: The murder of a man is still murder, even in wartime. --Manfred (the red baron) von Richthofen

Fun Fact of the Week: The Hippodrome was built in 1852. Franconi Schottisch built it for mammoth entertainments and amusements. It was torn down in 1856 to make way for the Fifth Avenue Hotel.

Video of the Week: Jack Benny & Mel Blanc at the airport (2:11) https://youtu.be/O9s8U0O0XPE

Having a good time together is the essence of lovingness and the best means of increasing it. --Dr Benjamin Spock

A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle says, “I don't know. It all happened so fast.” --Submitted by Debby Carter

Dobby got a job as a bellboy in a hotel. But he quit because everybody called him the Dobby in the Lobby.

..........I couldn't stop laughing.........Lily Allen …..Smile

3) In 1961 history was made when Yuri Gargarin, a young Soviet cosmonaut, became the first human to journey into space aboard his capsule, Vostok 1. His flight lasted 108 minutes.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I watch people and wonder how some of them found their way out of the birth canal.

Weird Word of the Week: Eellogofusciouhipoppokunurious – extra good or fine https://www.worldwidewords.org/ww-eel1.html

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Wash dishes. If you run out of dishwashing soap, wash your dishes in the kitchen sink with Clairol Herbal Essences Shampoo. It's perfect for camping since it is biodegradable. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/clairol.html

Dementors freshen their breath with Dementos.

A man is walking in a graveyard when he hears the Third Symphony playing backwards. When it's over, the Second Symphony starts playing, also backwards, and then the First. “What's going on?” he asks a cemetery worker. “It's Beethoven,” says the woman, “He's decomposing”. --Submitted by Jeremy Hone

...........Today's a new day.........Kirk Franklin …..I Smile

4) Apollo 11, launched in 1960. It carried Neil Armstrong, Michael Collins, and Buzz Aldrin. The lunar module was The Eagle. Armstrong and Aldrin walked about 300 feet from The Eagle and set up scientific equipment. The one piece of equipment still “working” is the Laser Ranging Retroreflector. A small array of special mirrors that reflects laser beams sent to it from earth. (I assume no moving parts)

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: American English is so hard. There's a silent K in “Knight”, only one silent K in “Knickerbocker”, but 3 silent Ks in “Republican”. https://www.facebook.com/USdems

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Nope, I can't go to hell. Satan still has a restraining order against me. --Submitted by rc of tx

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Wonderplace Alpha 2025 (2-4, Lake George, NY) Steampunk Event... https://scificons.com/events/info/25764/wonderplace-alpha-2025

Spark of Joy of the Week: Neil Young's new electric cars song for Elon Musk Let's Roll Again

Gee, you must be a dementor. You sure took my breath away.

A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer and I’m as jittery as a cat.” “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie. “I can’t,” says the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.” —Submitted by L.B. Weinstein

..........I would do it all over again.........Avril Lavigne …..Smile

5) Launched in 1972 and 1973 respectively, Pioneer 10 and 11 were like intrepid space explorers, venturing further than any human-made object before them. These twin spacecraft hurtled past Jupiter and Saturn, snapping incredible close-up photos and revealing new details about these gas giants. But their journey didn’t end there. Pioneer 10 and 11 achieved a remarkable feat – they became the first spacecraft to escape our solar system entirely, venturing into the vast unknown interstellar space.

Protest Sign of the Week: Don't Agonize, Organize!

Quote of the Week: Activism is my rent for living on the planet. --Alice Walker

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: William Henry Harrison had a better first 100 days, and he spent 70 of them dead. --Submitted by sb of ar

Today's Peace of History: Today's Peace of History, May 2, 1964: Hundreds of children ranging in age from six to eighteen were arrested in Birmingham, Alabama, as they marched from Kelly Ingram Park**, across from 16th Street Baptist Church, to downtown singing, “We Shall Overcome.”

**If you ever have a reason to be in Birmingham, go to Kelly Ingram Park. It is an incredible experience. They have statues of angry dogs snarling at you and water hoses pointed at you, and lots of historical markers.

Snape: Harry is failing potions. Dumbledore: Are you serious? Snape: No, I'm Serverus

A king, wanting to host an elaborate wedding for his daughter, raised taxes on all citizens of the kingdom by thirty pieces of gold. Everybody paid, except for one young count. The king sent a tax collector, but the count refused. “This is unfair, and I shall not pay!” The king sent the sheriff, but the count refused. “I will not support the king’s new tax!” Finally, the king had the count arrested, and thrown in the dungeon. He explained to the count that failure to pay was treason, and he would be executed, yet still, the count refused. So, the king had him brought to the top of the tower, and neck on the block, with the executioner’s axe raised. The king asked the count to pay. He defiantly shouted, “Never!” Then, as the executioner’s axe began to fall, the count shouted “OK! I’ll pay!”. But it was too late, the executioner couldn’t stop the heavy axe, and the count was killed. The moral of this story? Don’t hatchet your counts before they chicken.

..........You steal away the rain.........Uncle Kracker …..Smile

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, May 2, 2025, gRin's ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: I have always striven to raise the voice of hope for a world where hate gives way to respect and oppression to liberation. --Theodore Bikel

Cost of War:

As of 05/01/25 State Department Costs: $263,957,863,358

As of 04/24/25 State Department Costs: $263,411,286,784

As of 05/01/25 Homeland Security: $1,198,430,706,392

As of 04/24/25 Homeland Security: $1,197,826,674,316

As of 05/01/25 Interest on War Debt: $1,296,393,325,364

As of 04/24/25 Interest on War Debt: $1,294,840,148,647

As of 05/01/25 Military Costs: $3,143,983,936,719

As of 04/24/25 Military Costs: $3,142,804,705,313

As of 05/01/25 Veterans Care: $4,252,254,046,719

As of 04/24/25 Veterans Care:$4,240,482,064,848

As of 05/01/25 Total Cost of Wars: $10,155,033,128,384

As of 04/24/25 Total Cost of Wars: $10,139,368,804,767

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

It's up to each of us to help create a better world for our children. --Dr Benjamin Spock

Famous Last Words: Goodbye—and God Bless You. Tyrone A Moon for the Misbegotten

..........Whenever skies are gray don't worry or fret.........Bing Crosby …..Let A Smile Be Your Umbrella

I named my lizard Harry because then I get to say, Harry, you're a lizard everyday.

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop in town to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t’ close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh and only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

May Peace give you a smile

And Joy make you laugh out loud

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: