Famous
First Words: Did you hear what I was playing... Oscar Wilde
The Importance of Being Ernest
It's
National Condom Week (14-17) !! What do you do with
365 used condoms? Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear
/ When is the best time to wear a condom? On every conceivable
occasion. / Doc Brown to Marty McFly: You've
gotta go back to 1945, find Donald Trump's father and give him a
condom!
..........It's
got groove; it's got meaning.........Chorus …..Grease
Power
concedes nothing without a demand. It never did and it never will
–Frederick Douglass
It
is a bitter cold (6°F) Friday morning. The sun is bright, the wind
is just strong enough to insist we feel the bitterness clear to the
bone. Puck is so light he walks across the frozen snow like a
prophet on water but I sink down with a crunch with every step. A
rabbit races quickly out of the yard as we pass but Puck does not
notice and keeps his silence. The house too is bright and filled
with the smell of brewing Moose Munch. It is warm (68°F) and boasts
sleeping dogs and Jeffrey's belonging piling up in anticipation of
tomorrow's move. I remove layers of outdoor clothes and put on a
layer of indoor outer wear. (In winter an actual percentage of one's
time is spent putting on and taking off heavy clothing – coats,
scarves, hats, gloves, sweaters, shawls.) The sun sneaks into the
room and into my eyes through the blinds behind my computer. It is
so cheerful and yet the day is so cold. I doctor up a cup of decaf –
sweetener and half and half – take a long, lovely sip, and sit down
to write to you. I may make it through this winter yet.
Hope
your weekend is filled with love and valentines, ePistlers.
First
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: What part of “I don't
want to spend anymore money” don't I understand.
Father
and son in supermarket. "Dad, what are these?" "That's
a 3 pack of condoms son for secondary school lads. 1 for Friday
night, 1 for Saturday night and 1 for Sunday night." "What
about the 6 pack dad?" "Those are for University lads. 2
for Friday night, 2 for Satuday night, and 2 for Sunday night."
"Well dad, what about the 12 pack then?" "Married men
son. 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March ..."
..........my
heart is saying don't let go.........Sandy …..Hopelessly Devoted
Trivia
Questions: Congratulations to Wilt Chamberlain for achieving
one of his many records !!
^
What is Wilt's real, whole name anyway?
^^
What pro teams did Wilt play for?
^^^
How tall was Wilt, more or less?
^^^^
Care to guess how many NBA records Wilt holds?
^^^^^
What is the film by Kevin Wilmott about Wilt and his time in
Lawrence?
Big
Hello:
Ngurrju mayinpa – Warlpiri (Australia) (
https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm
Second
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: One
would think and all-powerful, all-knowing God would be able to
further his own agenda without legislative assistance.
Fake
Library Statistic of the Week:
A librarian sighs an average of 430 times per work day.
https://www.facebook.com/FakeLibStats/?fref=ts
Use
a condom – come in peace. / Condoms don't guarantee safe sex
anymore...a freind of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the
soman's husband.
..........Missed
your mid-terms and flunked shampoo.........Teen Angel …..Beauty
School Dropout
Moonbeam:
Modesty is my best quality. --Jack Benny
Naturally
Occurring Mandala of the Week: a crater
lake
Next
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If
men could get pregnant, abortion clinics would be like Starbucks.
There would be two on every block and four in every airport – and
the morning after pill would come in different flavors like sea salt
and cool ranch. --Submitted by pl of hi
Week
of the Week: Jell-O Week (9-15) --Why
do hipsters drink their Jello? Because they want to have it before
it's cool.
Maggie
and Grace were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it
started to rain. Grace pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it
over her cigarette and continued smoking. Maggie: "What's that?"
Grace: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."
Maggie: "Where did you get it?" Grace: "You can get
them at any drugstore." The next day ... Maggie hobbles herself
into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she
wants a box of condoms. The guy politely asks what brand she prefers.
Maggie: "It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel."
..........I
don't drink or swear, I don't rat my hair.........Rizzo …..Look at
me, I'm Sandra Dee
^
Wilton Norman Chamberlain was born 8/21/36 in Philadelphia, PA.
Almanac:
It is Friday, February 14, 2020. The moon will be third quarter
tomorrow and is in Scorpio. It is St. Valentine's
Feast, Ferris Wheel Day, National Heart to Heart Day, Frederick
Douglass Day, Pet Theft Awareness Day, National Have a Heart Day,
National Condom Day, World Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Day,
League of Women Voters Day, National Women's Heart Day, National Call
In Single Day, Race Relations Day, National Donor Day, Quirky Alone
Day, and World Marriage Day. In Bulgaria
it is Viticulturists' Day/Trifon Zarezan, cult of Dionysus and in
Denmark it is Gaekkebrev/Fjörtende Februar-gift exchanges by school
kids. Finally
Mexico observes the Day of National Mourning (Vincent Guerrero-1831) .
Mexico observes the Day of National Mourning (Vincent Guerrero-1831) .
Among
those born on this day are Frederick Douglass
(1817), Charles Wilson (1869), Jack Benny (1894), Crash Corrigan
(1902), Thelma Ritter (1905), Jimmy Hoffa (1913), Mel Allen (1913),
Hugh Downs (1921), Skeezix (1921), Florence Henderson (1934), Paul
Tsongas (1941), and Drew Bledsoe (1972).
On
February fourteenth Oregon was admitted as the 33rd state (1859),
Morehouse College was organized (1867), New Jersey legalized labor
unions (1883), The Importance of Being
Earnest
opened (1895), the US Department of Commerce and Labor was
established (1903), Arizona became the 48th state (1912), the League
of Women Voters formed (1920), Reflections
in a Golden Eye
was published (1941), the Bank of England was nationalized (1946),
the first Knesset opened (1949), Georgia segregated baseball (1957),
Wilt Chamberlain broke NBA scoring record at 20,994 (1966), Grease
opened
off-Broadway, where it ran for the next decade (3,388 performances,
1972), the microchip was patented (1978), and the Somalia cease fire
began (1992).
Night
Sky, 2/14:
By
8 or 9 pm now, the Big Dipper stands vertically on its handle in the
northeast. In the northwest, Cassiopeia also stands on end at about
the same height. Between them is Polaris. The end of winter is in
sight.
http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/
Max
Picture of the Week:
Captain Max flying...
This
Week: Saturday, February 15 –
National Hippo Day & Susan B Anthony Day & Lupercalia
Sunday,
February 16 – National Almond Day & Daytona 500
Night
Sky, 2/16: Under
the feet of Orion hides Lepus the Hare. Like Canis Major, this is a
constellation with a connect-the-dots that really looks like what
it's supposed to be. He's a crouching bunny with his nose pointing
lower right, his faint ears extending up toward Rigel (Orion's
western foot), and his body bunched to the left. His brightest two
stars, 3rd-magnitude Beta and Alpha Leporis, form the front and back
of his neck.
Monday,
February 17 – President's Day & Random Acts of Kindness
Day & World Human Spirit Day
Tuesday,
February 18 – Battery Day & Pluto Day & National
Drink Wine Day
Wednesday,
February 19 – Best Friends Day
& National Lashes Day
Night
Sky, 2/19
:
Sirius
the Dog Star, brightest of Canis Major, blazes high in the southeast
after dinnertime to the lower left of Orion. Sirius is not only the
brightest star (after the Sun), it's also the nearest
that's
ever visible to the unaided eye from mid-northern latitudes. It's
just 8.6 light-years away.
Thursday,
February 20 – Introduce a Girl to Engineering Day &
World Day for Social Justice
The
government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an
eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the
government's political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts
production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks,
and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being
screwed. Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.
..........Go,
go, go, go,go, go, go, go, go, go..........Zuko and Kenickie
…..Greased Lightning
^^
Wilt played for the Harlem Globetrotters, Philadelphia/San Francisco
Warriors, the Philadelphia 76ers, and the Los Angeles Lakers.
'Nother
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I think we should call this
the Age of Unenlightenment aka the Age of Darkening
Moonbeam:
Hors D'oevuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces. --Jack Benny
Late
Night Snacks of the Week: We all know the
president was guilty, but as Drumpf lawyer and Jeffrey Epstein BFF
Alan Dershowitz pointed out: nothing fucking matters! Drumpf’s
legal team may not believe abusing your power is an abuse of power,
but the spineless betas in Congress do, and don’t care. --Samatha
Bee / It’s official: nothing means anything, right is wrong, up is
down, Missouri is Kansas,” --Stephen Colbert / It’s shocking to
hear a Republican talk about living with their conscience. Most
Republicans filed for divorce from their consciences several years
ago. --Seth Meyers / Meanwhile, Donald Drumpf Jr, so desperate for
Daddy’s love, posted a picture of Romney in jeans on Instagram with
the caption “Mom Jeans, because you’re a p***y. If Mitt Romney
really was that, your father would’ve grabbed him by now/ --Jimmy
Kimmel
Not
So Late Night Snacks of the Week: So what was
the result of the Iowa caucuses? Everybody's been waiting. Nobody
knows. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. This brand-new
phone app meant to make the results easy to report didn't work. Well,
maybe they shouldn't have bought a product called Shadow...On
Wednesday, they put out more results, but then they had to put out a
retraction. They promise they will have the official guaranteed
verified results by the time Trump is reelected. --Peter Sagal
Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me
2/8/20
It
is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.
--Frederick Douglass
The
husband says to wife: "My Olympic condoms have arrived. Think I
will wear gold tonight." The wife says: "Why don't you wear
silver and cum in second for a change?". / Have you heard about
the new super-sensitive condoms? They hang around after the man
leaves and talks to the woman.
..........Sends
a thrill right through me..........Doody
…..Those Magic Changes
^^^
Chamberlain stood 7 feet 1 inch tall.
Worthless
Fact of the Week: On
this day in 1957, the Senate in the state of Georgia voted
unanimously to prohibit integrated baseball anywhere in the state,
excluding at religious gatherings.
Wicked
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
Revised Serenity Prayer: God grant me the strength to accept the
things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and
wonderful and devoted friends who will post my bail when I finally
snap. --Submitted by ss of ks
Weird
Word of the Week:
Haruspex - A
haruspex in ancient Rome was a religious official who interpreted
omens by inspecting the entrails of sacrificial animals. The
haruspices were part of a group of seers or auguries whose official
function was not so much to foretell the future as to work out
whether the gods approved of some proposed course of political or
military action.
http://www.worldwidewords.org/weirdwords/ww-har1.htm
Wacky
Uses for Common Products:
Remove a ring stuck on a finger. Smear on some Wish-Bone Thousand
Island Dressing and slide the ring off.
http://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/wishbone.html
The
condom flew across the room because it got pissed off. / Boy: It's
awkward buying condoms. Girl: It's awkward walking round pregnant
too.
...........Cause
the bebop stork was about to arrive.........Chorus ….Born to Hand
Jive
^^^^
Chamberlain
holds 72
NBA records,
68 by himself. Among his records are several that are considered
unbreakable, such as averaging 22.9 rebounds for a career or 50.4
points per game in a season, scoring 100 points or 55 rebounds in a
single game, scoring 65 or more points 15 times, 50 or more points
118 times.
Penultimate
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I was
asked, “what's the dumbest thing you've ever done?” I was a
little miffed that they thought I've already peaked?
Science
Fiction Convention of the Week:
Gallifrey One 2020 (14-16, Los Angeles) the
world’s largest and longest-running annual Doctor
Who
fan
convention
http://www.gallifreyone.com/
Actual
Science Convention of the Week:
Celebrating the Legacy of the Spitzer Space Telescope (11-13,
Pasadena, CA) https://conference.ipac.caltech.edu/legacyofspitzer
Puck
the Brave Episode of the Week:
Here's our fearless Puck and his sidekick, Justice, searching
backyards in the case of the Missing Bruno.
Condoms
with dirt in them are called organ grinders. / Know why cowboys wear
denim condoms? Because they shrink to fit.
..........somehow,
someway, our two worlds will be one.........Zuko ….Sandy
^^^^^
A
new movie about Chamberlain’s brief time at KU is the subject of a
film by Kansas filmmaker Kevin Willmott. It’s called Jayhawkers.
https://www.kcur.org/post/wilt-chamberlain-featured-kevin-willmotts-jayhawkers#stream/0
~~It will be playing at Liberty Hall in Lawrence on February 27th
at 7 pm.
Month
of the Week:
February is National Enrolled
Agents
Month --A
nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor
who was reviewing his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed,
"Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live
and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay
taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."
"Thank
goodness," returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin on his face from
ear to ear. "I thought you were going to want me to pay with
cash."
Final
Funniest Thing I Read of the Week:
Valentine's Day plan: 1) Breakfast in bed 2) Chocolates 3) Watch
Movie 4) Dinner for two 5) Regret eating two dinners
Today's
Peace of History, February
14, 1957: The organization that would
shortly be called the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC)
chose its leadership at a meeting in New Orleans. Martin Luther
King, Jr. and Ralph David Abernathy led the group which sought to
coordinate civil rights protests throughout the South.
A
representative for a condom company was on her way to an
international condom convention. While rushing through the airport,
she dropped her briefcase carrying her samples, scattering condoms
across the floor. She noticed passersby looking at her as she tried
to get the condoms back into her briefcase. "It's okay,"
she said. "I'm going to a convention."
..........I
could stay home every night wait around for Mr Right.........Rizzo
….There Are Worse Things I Could Do
Masthead
of the Week:
Friday ePistle February 14, 2020,
Astroglide ePistle. Peace, Love and Protection. Online at:
http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/
Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. 2511 Morningside Dr. Lawrence,
KS 66047
Moonbeam:
I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the
Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too. --Jack
Benny
Cost
of War:
As
of 2/13/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $3,001,247,044,972.
As
of 2/6/20 Military Costs of War since 2001: $2,999,263,541,284.
As
of 2/13/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $948,993,193,796.
As
of 2/6/20 Homeland Security Costs since 2001: $947,645,191,315.
As
of 2/13/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $742,677,241,548.
As
of 2/6/20 Interest on War Debt since 2001: $740,982,598,676.
As
of 2/13/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $324,426,660,344.
As
of 2/6/20 Veterans Care since 2001: $324,041,541,862.
As
of 2/13/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,017,344,843,013.
As
of 2/6/20 Total Cost of Wars since 2001: $5,011,933,019,554.
The
life of the nation is secure only while the nation is honest,
truthful, and virtuous. ---Frederick Douglass
..........Like
rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga dong.........Sandy & Danny ….We
Go Together
A
little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to
find out anyway. Your mum and I got together in a chat room at Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mum and we met up at
cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, I upgraded my floppy
disk to a stiffy and then your mum agreed to do a download from my
hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that
neither one of had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit
the delete button, nine months later, a blessed little pop-up
appeared and said: "You've got Male!"
Famous
Last Words: I'll see you on television.
--Jack Benny The Jack Benny Radio
Program
May
Peace protect you
And
Joy guard you
prairie
mama
christine
Last
Laugh:
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