cOiffed ePistle

Famous First Words: I was born in the year 1692. Daniel DeFoe Robinson Cursoe

2 weeks ago I didn't realize that today would be World Penguin Day and I spent all my penguin jokes on tariffs. Well, almost all. Happily today is also Hairstylists Appreciation Day. My haircut is called, “I have kids”. ₼ She had hair so big it had its own zip code. ₼ Be nice to your hairdresser, he knows all your secrets.

Trust us! We're Penguins. We have experience with iceholes.

..........To hate all the people your relatives hate..........John Kerr …..You've Got To Be Taught (South Pacific)

We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty. When the loyal opposition dies, I think the soul of America dies with it. --Edward R Murrow

It is a Gray Friday morning. The sky is a solid gray without features or variations of any kind. A 12 mph north wind cuts the 59°F temperature a little and gracefully flings around the willow branches. Puck is snoring on my sweater; they are tiny snorts, only audible if I am very quiet. The birds that sang so happily when I woke up are silent now and no fauna -wild or domestic – is making its way through the grass that desperately needs mowing. The world still smells of damp soil and cement. I am sipping decaf and nibbling pepperoni. Ah, sparrow voices can be heard again. It is a very nice morning, indeed.

Hope your weekend includes your best hair day ever, shear perfectionists.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: headline: Nation Can't Believe It's On Harvard's Side. --The Onion

I'm not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde. --Dolly Parton ₼ I love my pillow; it gives me a new hairstyle everyday. ₼ Be nice to your hairdresser, she's only charging she cleaning up after you paid your aunt $15 dollars to give you a $5 box permanent.

No tariffs on tuxedos.

..........I'm tired of bein' poor and, even worse, I'm black..........2Pac …..Changes

Trivia Questions: 139 year ago Freud opened his medical practice. Well, isn't that nice.

1. What training did Freud have?

2. What then legal substance did Freud briefly believe to be a miracle drug?

3. What sea animal's sex life did Freud study at the university?

4. What was Freud's reaction to German Nazi's burning his books?

5. What was the public's reaction to Freud's Interpretation of Dreams?

Big Hello: Namaste – Sanskrit https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A philosopher sneezed near a time machine and accidentally invented jazz. --Submitted by 42 Collective

Image of the Week: My Front Window

Insult of the Week: If your brains were dynamite there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off. --Kurt Vonnegut Timequake

Today I faced what I feared most - my very first grey hair appeared. It stood out boldly in my hair. I couldn't believe that it was there. I hated it, if truth be told, it shouted to me, “Gee, you're old”. I was not about to scream and shout; instead, I pulled the sucker out. ₼ Man bun? Or Douche knot? ₼ Be nice to your hairdresser she dyeing to make you beautiful.

Tariff threats are like a box of chocolates. The penguins never know what they're going to get.

..........Black bodies swinging in a southern breeze..........Billie Holiday …..Strange Fruit

Moonbeam: You will have found Christ when you are concerned with other people's sufferings and not your own. --Flannery O'Connor

Blasphemy of the Week: Jesus' entire rap in 21 words: Be generous, merciful, compassionate, Don't judge, fret, or be attached to things. God cares for everybody, no exceptions. You can too. --Submitted by MMS

Coffee Joke of the Week: I'm sorry. Can I call you back in a couple of cups of coffee?

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: you gotta meet me after your ego death. I won't make sense before. The Goddess Vibe

Gracie made a fortune. She invented a method for removing back hair and replanting on the head. ₼ She had a PHD – Pentecostal Hair Do. ₼ Be nice to your hairdresser remember beauty comes from inside – his salon.

Tariffs! Seriously? Just Make Ice Free Again!

..........School children sitting in jail..........Nina Simone …..Mississippi Goddam

1) Freud obtained a medical degree from the University of Vienna in 1881. His emphasis was physiology and neurology. He interned at the Medical Center of Vienna and studied neurology under Jean Martin Charcot in Paris.

Almanac: It is Friday, April 25, 2025. The moon will be new on Sunday (4/27) and is in Aries. Today is Malaria Awareness Day, DNA Day, East Meets West Day aja Ekbe Day, Hairstylists Appreciation Day, Hug a Plumber Day, International Delegate's Day, International Procurement Day, License Plates Day, National Hairball Awareness Day, National Historic Marker Day, Parental Alienation Day, Red Hat Society Day, Undiagnosed Children's Awareness Day, and World Penguin Day. Because it is the final Friday it is also Arbor Day.

Among those born on this day were Louis IX (France, 1214), Edward II (England, 1284), Felix Klein (1849), Walter De la Mare (1873), Elsa Maxwell (1883), Edward R. Murrow (1908), Ella Fitzgerald (1918), Albert King (1923), Flannery O'Connor (1925), Meadowlark Lemon (1932), Al Pacino (1940), and Talia Shire (1946), Robinson Crusoe was published (1719), Signmund Freud opened his practice (1886), USA and Canada drop the gold standard (1933), the first seeing eye dog went to work (1938), and the United Negro College Fund incorporated (1944).

Night Sky, 4/25: This is the time of year when, as the last of twilight fades away, the dim Little Dipper extends to the right from Polaris and slightly up. High above the Little Dipper's bowl, you'll find the Big Dipper's bowl http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: The backside of the Manette Bridge Protest of 4/5

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: “You're acting weird.” Okay, well, first I'm not acting.

This Week: Saturday, April 26 – Audubon Day & Bob Wills Day & Independent Bookstore Day & National Dance Day

Sunday, April 27 – Deaf Parents Day & Morse Code Day & World Tapir Day

Night Sky, 4/27: Arcturus is the brightest star high in the east these evenings. Spica shines lower right of it by about three fists at arm's length. To the right of Spica by half that distance is the distinctive four-star constellation Corvus, the springtime Crow. Vega, the Summer Star, the zero-magnitude equal of Arcturus, is now twinkling low in the northeast at nightfall. . . depending on your latitude. The farther north you are the higher Vega will be. If you're in the latitudes of the southern US, you'll have to wait until a bit later for it to appear. New Moon (exact at 3:31 p.m. EDT).

Monday, April 28 – Save the Frogs Day & Workers Memorial Day & World Day for Safety and Health at Work

Tuesday, April 29 – International Almanac Appreciation Day & Peace Rose Day & World Wish Day & Zipper Day

Wednesday, April 30 – Beltane & Denim Day & International Jazz Day & National Honesty Day

Night Sky, 4/30: Venus itself, magnitude –4.7, rises at the very beginning of dawn before the others. For skywatchers at mid-northern latitudes, Venus will continue to rise at the start of dawn for the rest of April and May. In a telescope as dawn grows bright, Venus is a shrinking, thickening crescent. It will fill out to become half lit around the end of May. How far into broad daylight can you follow Venus with your scope?

Thursday, May 1 – Beltane & Hug Your Cat Day & Global Love Day & International Guerilla Sunflower Gardening Day & Law Day

Rocking the mullet; your mane event. ₼ I threw a party for my mullet, but it was a split decision whether to invite the bangs. ₼ My last hair cut will be a fringe because I want to go out with a bang.

I'm going to build a wall around Antarctica and the penguins are going to pay for it.

..........That itty bitty basket was a joy of mine..........Ella Fitzgerald …..A-tisket, A-tasket

2) In the 1880s, Freud grew interested in a little-known, legal drug being used by a German military doctor to rejuvenate exhausted troops—cocaine. Freud experimented with the drug and found his digestion and spirits improved. However, when Freud gave cocaine to close friend Ernst von Fleischl-Marxow to wean him from his morphine addiction and relieve chronic pain, his friend instead developed a cocaine addiction. With news of other addictions and overdose deaths spreading, Freud stopped advocating cocaine’s medical benefits.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I'm just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction. https://www.facebook.com/mygayday

Moonbeam: Existence is a party. You join in after it's started and leave before it's finished. --Elsa Maxwell

Fun Fact of the Week: Happy National Hairball Awareness Day: A hairball by any other name is still gross. In this case, the scientific term is trichobezoar. The root, trich, is Greek for "hair." A bezoar is any mass found in the stomach or intestines. It comes from the Persian word for "antidote."

Video of the Week: Meadowlark Lemon Highlights (1:06) https://youtu.be/P9GMHk9Bh04

No one can terrorize a whole nation, unless we are all his accomplices. --Edward R Murrow

Beware! Next they'll come for the krill.

The Ponytail became a chef because she was fascinated by hair loom recipes. ₼ Ponytail was always going to parties to “let her hair down”. ₼ Be nice to your hairdresser all those questions are just Do Diligence.

..........if you ain't warm as a breath of spring..........Albert King …..I'll Be Doggone

3) While enrolled at the University of Vienna, a young Freud studied zoology. On a research trip to Trieste to study the sexual organs of eels, his professor assigned him the task of finding the gonads of the male of the species, a discovery that had eluded scientists for centuries. Freud spent many hours dissecting eels to no avail. “All the eels I have cut open are of the tenderer sex,” he reported.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The thing about that “first they came for” poem is that we're at least 2-3 lines deep and it's not a very long poem. --Submitted by jc of wa

Weird Word of the Week: Deodand – A deodand was an item of property that, however coincidentally, caused the death of a human being. https://www.worldwidewords.org/ww-deo1.html

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean carpet. Use a capful of any scent of Clairol Herbal Essences Shampoo in your carpet shampooer to clean carpet, simultaneously scenting your home. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/clairol.html

What are they gonna do, send us to El Salvador?

The Mohawk was invented by a barber just trying to align some sideburns. ₼ An electrician was arrested for forcing a hairdresser to give his clients mohawks. One victim said it was a hair-raising experience. ₼ Be nice to your hairdresser remember what your hair looked like when you tried to dye the gray out.

...........The color of his skin was black, and his name was Emmett Till..........Bob Dylan …..The Death of Emmett Till

4) Although an atheist himself, Freud was born into a Jewish family and became a particular target of the Nazis when they rose to power. His books were among those burned by the Nazis in 1933, which caused him to quip: “What progress we are making. In the Middle Ages, they would have burnt me; nowadays they are content with burning my books.”

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Cats will amusingly tolerate humans only until someone comes up with a can opener that can be operated with a paw. --Terry Pratchett

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Concinnity 25 (25^th, Milwaukee, WI) Hosted by the Milwaukee School of Engineering https://www.facebook.com/Concinnitycon/

Extreme Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I ordered new coats for my children, In the name of efficiency, I had them shipped directly to the school's Lost and Found room.

Musing of the Week: I was totally wrong about the new suggested substitute for the word Protest . They wanted to change it to Protect. But I still prefer Vanguard for the New American Democracy much better. We've learned a lot in 250 years. We can do democracy much better. We can provide for our citizens, we can protect ourselves from future dictators and coups, we can figure ways forward so that we get closer to liberty and justice for all than any state ever has.

I shot the tariff. But I did not shoot the subsidy.

It's almost National Jamaican Hairstyle Day; everyone's dreadin' it. ₼ Since they don't get their hair cut, guys with dreads save lots of money – mostly on dates. ₼ Be nice to your hairdresser, he can't help it if the hot flashes melt your beehive.

..........Stole from me, lied to me, nation hypocrisy..........Beyonce …..Freedom

5) The book Freud considered his “most significant work” produced little fanfare when it was published in 1899. Only 351 copies of The Interpretation of Dreams were sold in its first six years, and a second edition was not published until 1909.

Protest Sign of the Week: The Only Good Billionaire Is A Fictional One. (held by a man in a bat suit)

Child's Protest Sign of the Week: I'm also 6' 3” & 230 lbs.

Better Protest Sign of the Week: Why Protest? It's easier than hiding a family in your attic.

Quote of the Week: Many powerful people don't want peace because they live off war. Some powerful people make their living with the production of arms. It's the industry of death. --Pope Francis

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The interesting thing about capitalism is that it's entirely incompatible with the future. So we've just decided to get rid of the future and keep capitalism for a short while. --Submitted by MMS

Today's Peace of History: April 25, 1974: A peaceful uprising by the army and civilians, known as the Carnation Revolution (RevoluÇÃo dos Cravos), ended 48 years of fascism in Portugal.

Penguins in the US who support the penguins of Heard Island are seceding from the US and starting their own country. They mean to call it USB.

When I became a dad I got a buzz cut...because doing my hair in the morning was just overhead. ₼ All the bees I've ever met had buzz cuts. ₼ Be nice to your hairdresser, she can ruin your self-esteem for the next 6 months with an “oops” of the shears.

..........'Cause they thinking, “Yeah, you're all the same”..........Solange …..F.U.B.U. (By Us For Us)

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, April 15, 2025, cOiffed ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: All day long the door of the subconscious remains just ajar; we slip through to the other side, and return again, as easily and secretly as a cat. --Walter de La Mare

Cost of War:

As of 04/24/25 State Department Costs: $263,411,286,784

As of 04/17/25 State Department Costs: $262,843,179,790

As of 04/24/25 Homeland Security: $1,197,826,674,316

As of 04/17/25 Homeland Security: $1,197,208,770,336

As of 04/24/25 Interest on War Debt: $1,294,840,148,647

As of 04/17/25 Interest on War Debt: $1,293,251,269,649

As of 04/24/25 Military Costs: $3,142,804,705,313

As of 04/17/25 Military Costs: $3,141,598,319,958

As of 04/24/25 Veterans Care:$4,240,482,064,848

As of 04/17/25 Veterans Care: $4,228,439,167,835

As of 04/24/25 Total Cost of Wars: $10,139,368,804,767

As of 04/17/25 Total Cost of Wars: $10,123,342,093,092

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home. --Edward R Murrow

Famous Last Words: Good night and Good Luck --Edward R Murrow

.........Justice for all just ain't specific enough..........Common & John Legend …..Glory (Selma)

You have to admit that the penguins have made the trade war much more adorable.

Having a bad hair day? Braid it away ₼ A good braid pun is like fine hairtistry. ₼ Braids go in and out of style, but braid puns are a lifelong treasure. ₼ Always be nice to the person holding scissors near your head.

May Peace define your soul

And Joy describe your heart

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: 

gUided ePistle

Famous First Words: Adult Autism Awareness Day is... Website

“And we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere … and to everyone else out there, the secret is to band to rocks together, guys. ₾ Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now? --Douglas Adams Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

..........When the moon's kinda dreamy.........Billie Holiday …..The Blues Are Brewin'

In order to promote international cooperation and to achieve international peace and security by the acceptance of obligations not to resort to war. --Covenant of the League of Nations

It is a cloudy Friday morning. The sky is heavily overcast with smooth gray so thick that the new sun cannot penetrate it. A wind whips around the willow branches now fully green and even empties the fluffy white dandelions. It makes the 56°F feel a little chilly. Puck is sitting outside the open back door sniffing and barking – his two favorite pastimes. Veronica is waiting for him at the door. She likes to whack him on the ear as he comes back in. But when the crows show up and start making noise, she retreats. The world almost, but not quite smells like rain. I'm not sure that is a prediction, however. I leave the door open a while just to smell it. I am home from my doctor visit (I'm still alive and doing well) and I'm sipping decaf and eating a doughnut – raised with white icing and pastel sprinkles. Great morning so far...

Hope your weekend is out of the world, Galaxy Surfers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If you have a billion dollars and still can't find a way to be happy, you are a loser and you always will be. --Steve Hofstetter

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. ₾ “I like the cover,” he said, “Don't Panic. It's the first helpful or intelligible thing anybody's said to me all day.” --Douglas Adams Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

..........I see your face in every flower..........Billie Holiday …..The Very Thought Of You

Trivia Questions: It's Goodbye Panama Canal Day

1. Who headed and eventually bankrupted the French effort to dig a Panama Canal?

2. How did the US acquire the remains of the French effort?

3. How many workers lost their lives constructing the Panama Canal?

4. How many ships go through the Panama Canal annually?

5. How long does the trip through the canal take?

Big Hello: Bara mo – Sango (Central African Republic, Chad, and Democratic Republic of the Congo) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: For every major mistake America has made in the last 30 years there is a video of Bernie Sanders trying to stop it. --Submitted by rhb of ks

Image of the Week: 9^th & Mass, Lawrence, KS 4/5/25 

Insult of the Week: The cheese has slid so far off this guy's cracker that it hit the floor and the dog ate it. --Rex Huppke

Did I do anything wrong today, “ he said, “or has the world always been like this and I've been too wrapped up in myself to notice? ₾ “We are now cruising at a level of two to the power of twenty-five thousand to one against and falling, and we will be restoring normality just as soon as we are sure what is normal anyway.”--Douglas Adams Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

..........Oh, long to be in stat number, yeah.........Louis Armstrong …..When The Saints Go Marching In

Moonbeam: True patriotism hates injustice in its own land more than anywhere else. --Clarence Darrow

Blasphemy of the Week: Christianity should be the biggest voice speaking out against Christian Nationalism. --Submitted by MMS

Coffee Joke of the Week: May this morning coffee give you the strength to make it to your mid-morning coffee.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Why is everyone against sugar? Who stood beside you when things went wrong and you were sad? It wasn't lettuce, for sure. --Goddess Vibe

“Ford”, he said, “there's an infinite number of monkeys outside who want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they've worked out.” ₾ “Do you find coming to terms with the mindless tedium of it all presents an interesting challenge?” --Douglas Adams Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

..........Blowing down the river, down to New Orleans...........Louis Armstrong …..Basin Street Blues

1) 1881: Ferdinand De Lesseps (Suez Canal) and Gustave Eiffel (Eiffel tower) attempted to create the Panama Canal. They spent $250 million and moved 70 million cubic yards of earth and went bankrupt in 1889.

Almanac: It is Friday, April 18, 2025. The moon will enter the last quarter on Sunday (4/20) and is in Sagittarius. Today is Adult Autism Day, Good Friday, International Day for Monuments and Sites, Nabisco Animal Cracker Day, National Columnists' Day, National Lineman Appreciation Day, Pet Owners Independence Day, Pinata Day, World Amateur Radio Day, and World Marbles Day, which is always on Good Friday. Because it is the third Friday it is also National Clean Out Your Medicine Cabinet Day.

Among those born on this day were Lucretia Borgia (1480), Clarence Darrow (1857), Max Weber (1881), Barbara Hale (1921), Clarence "Gatemouth" Brown (1924), Hayley Mills (1946), James Woods (1947), Conan O'Brien (1963), Rick Moranis (1953) and Melissa Joan Hart (1976).

On April eighteenth Paul Revere rode (1775), France and Austria signed a ceasefire (1797), the San Francisco Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals was formed (1868), Joan of Arc was canonized (1909), the ballet "Fancy Free" premiered (1944), the League of Nations dissolved (1946), the US recognized Tito's Yugoslavia (1946), the movie New Orleans premiered (1947), the first Walk/Don't Walk sign was installed (1955), Side by Side premiered (1977), and the US Senate voted to return the canal to Panama (1978).

Night Sky, 4/18: Want to catch a glimpse of the elusive Mercury? It reaches its highest altitude the morning of the 19^th. 9° above the horizon at sunrise.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Little boys and big feet

This Week: Saturday, April 19 – Bicycle Day & National Garlic Day & Record Store Day

Sunday, April 20 – Easter & Chinese Language Day & National Pot Smokers Day

Night Sky, 4/20: Neptune is hidden in the glare of dawn behind Mercury and Saturn. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Monday, April 21 – Boston Marathon & Kindergarten Day & World Creativity and Innovation Day

Tuesday, April 22 – Earth Day & Beagle Day National Jelly Bean Day

Night Sky, 4/22: Lyrid meteor shower peaks every year around 4/22. It produces up to 18 meteors per hour. https://www.timeanddate.com/news/astronomy/lyrids-meteors-2025

Wednesday, April 23 – England Language Day & Movie Theater Day & Talk Like Shakespeare Day

Thursday, April 24 – Take Your Children To Work Day & World Day for Animals in Laboratories

What's so unpleasant about being drunk?” “Ask a glass of water!” ₾ The President of the Universe holds no real power. His sole purpose is to take attention away from where the power truly exists. --Douglas Adams Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

..........Open up the window, let that bad air out..........Louis Armstrong …..Buddy Bolden's Blues

2) The 1902 Congress approved money to build the canal. We paid $40 million to France for their Panama Canal property. We also paid $10 million to Panama.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: And, in the end, mankind used so much toilet paper that they wiped themselves out. --Submitted by Laughing Librarian

Moonbeam: The pursuit of truth will set you free; even if you never catch up with it. --Clarence Darrow

Fun Fact of the Week: Crows are known to visit their aging parents, even years after leaving the nest, usually to get their laundry done.

Video of the Week: Clarence Darrow on causes of crime (:37) https://youtu.be/YQmCvDEV2to

...the League recognises that the maintenance of peace requires the reduction of national armaments to the lowest point consistent with national safety... --Covenant of the League of Nations

Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say “hang the sense of it” and just keep yourself occupied. ₾ He's spending a year dead for tax reasons. --Douglas Adams Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

..........It's a secret.........Louis Armstrong …..Endie

3) Malaria, Yellow Fever, and accidents accounted for 20,000 deaths during the French attempt and 5600 died while the US continued the work.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Men will literally start a trade war with every other nation on earth instead of going to therapy. --Ken Jennings

Weird Word of the Week: Cachinnatory ('Kækinǝ,tǝri): loud or immoderate laughter. https://www.worldwidewords.org/ww-cac2.html

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Remove ring-around-the-collar. Since the dirt rings in collars are generally sebum oil stains from your hair, rub oily hair shampoo (Like Clairol Herbal Essences) into the fabric and rinse clean. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/clairol.html

Ford...you're turning into a penguin. Stop it. ₾ “We demand defined areas of doubt and uncertainty.” --Douglas Adams Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

...........For you maybe, I'm a fool.........Billie Holiday …..The Very Thought Of You

4) Between 13,000 and 14,000 ships use the canal every year. Most are from the Americas followed by China, Japan, and South Korea.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Millions of young people hate Elon Musk, and “those are just his kids” --Stephen Colbert

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Norwescon 2025 (17-20, Seattle, WA) ..science fiction, fantasy, horror, related fictional genres, and science... https://www.norwescon.org/about/#mission

Musing of the Week: Someone online suggested that the word Protester has been so maligned that it automatically triggers people to suspicion and fear. They suggested we stop calling ourselves Protestors OF American Democracy and instead say Protesters FOR American Democracy. This doesn't seem to me to be an improvement at all. For one thing, it's the lack of American Democracy that I'm complaining about. So I have decided that I am part of the Vanguard of the New American Democracy. Second Musing: My recent idea for vanguard signs – The Burma Shave Model. 4 people in a row holding signs. Each sign is one half of a line of a couplet. Burma Shave example: Don't Stick Your Head / Out Too Far / It Might Go Home / In Another Car / Burma Shave My Example: Insider Trading / Made Them Fatter / Sank Your Savings / Left Them Flatter Nyet.

Spark of Joy of the Week: Philosophers learning the answer to the ultimate question Life, the universe, and everything. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy https://youtu.be/5ZLtcTZP2js

“You know,” said Author, “it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.” “Why, what did she tell you?” “I don't know, I didn't listen.” ₾ Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. --Douglas Adams Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

..........And I'd like to see the lazy Mississippi..........Louis Armstrong …..Where The Blue Were Born In New Orleans

5) On average, it takes a ship 8 to 10 hours to pass through the canal. The locks raise each ship 85 feet above sea level. In 2010 the 1 millionth vessel crossed the canal since it first opened in 1914.

Protest Sign of the Week: The Boston Tea Party Was About Tariffs

Quote of the Week: When an interviewer asked Art Spiegelman if he thought a comic book about the Holocaust was in bad taste, he replied, “No, I think the Holocaust was in bad taste”.

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A planet once tried therapy. Now it's a gas giant. --The 42 Collective

Today's Peace of History: April 18, 1941: Bus companies in New York City agreed to hire 200 black drivers and mechanics after a four-week boycott by riders led by Reverend Adam Clayton Powell, Jr. of Harlem’s Abyssinian Baptist Church.

I'd rather be happy than right any day. ₾ “I don't want to die now!” he yelled, “I've still got a headache! I don't want to go to heaven with a headache, I'd be all cross and wouldn't enjoy it.” --Douglas Adams Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

..........The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night.........Louis Armstrong …...What A Wonderful World

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, April 18, 2025, gUided ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Justice has nothing to do with what goes on in a courtroom; Justice is what comes out of a courtroom. --Clarence Darrow

Cost of War:

As of 04/17/25 State Department Costs: $262,843,179,790

As of 04/10/25 State Department Costs: $262,292,224,688

As of 04/17/25 Homeland Security: $1,197,208,770,336

As of 04/10/25 Homeland Security: $1,196,610,545,212

As of 04/17/25 Interest on War Debt: $1,293,251,269,649

As of 04/10/25 Interest on War Debt: $1,291,712,940,563

As of 04/17/25 Military Costs: $3,141,598,319,958

As of 04/10/25 Military Costs: $3,140,430,275,291

As of 04/17/25 Veterans Care: $4,228,439,167,835

As of 04/10/25 Veterans Care: $4,216,776,248,269

As of 04/17/25 Total Cost of Wars: $10,123,342,093,092

As of 04/10/25 Total Cost of Wars: $10,107,824,116,749

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Nothing in this Covenant shall be deemed to affect the validity of international engagements, such as treaties of arbitration or regional understandings like the Monroe doctrine, for securing the maintenance of peace. --Covenant of the League of Nations

Famous Last Words: And the midnight message of Paul Revere. --Henry W Longfellow Paul Revere's Ride

..........No use complaining, blue skies follow rain.........Louis Armstrong & Billie Holiday …..Farewell To Storyville Many of today's songs are from the movie New Orleans starring Louis Armstrong and Billie Holiday.

So long, and thanks for all the fish. ₾ Don't Panic! --Douglas Adams Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

May Peace rule your galaxy

And Joy govern your universe

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

mAcroni ePistle

Famous First Words: I'm getting chilled to the bone... Bernard Shaw Opening line of Pygmalion

What's black and white and red all over? A Penguin angry about tariffs. ₧ The president of the richest, most powerful nation on earth wants to impose 10% tariffs on us, a frozen island inhabited only by penguins. What could he possibly think we have? Eggs! ₧ Flippers Up! I stand with the Heard and McDonald Penguins! ₱ Oh, no, have you ever heard a penguin speak Russian?

..........Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome..........Joel Grey …..Willkommen (Cabaret)

When forced to summarize the general theory of relativity in one sentence: Time and space and gravitation have no separate existence from matter. --Albert Einstein The Theory of Relativity

It is a bright Friday morning. The sun is shining; the wind is blowing. The sky holds few clouds to cast shadows. Birds have been up and singing all morning...happy morning songs, calls and responses, conversations. Busy, busy, busy. Both Puck and Veronica have been out this morning – briefly, but out. Now Puck is asleep on my foot and Veronica has disappeared. The north wind at 11 mph makes the 56°F seem chilly but the greens and purples and yellow of flowers adds a little warmth. I am sipping doctored decaf while a scented candle adds a cinnamon flavor to the air. What a delightful morning.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND, Happy Feet. (When penguins communicate vocally, they are loud and bray or emit shrill screams.)

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Sorry, I'm a little behind. Was it DEI or a trans athlete that crashed the stock market? --Submitted by 1stKAFB

The penguin prime minister needs to determine whether to begin preparing for war with the United States over “Economic Attacks”! ₱ Drat! Do we think they've discovered that we're the ones smuggling in all that fentanyl? ₧ You don't want to know what happens when you trigger a flightless bird's fight or flight response.

..........Alive and Well and Thriving..........Joel Grey …..I'll Be Here Tomorrow (Grand Tour)

Trivia Questions: Happy Barbershop Quartet Day

1. What are the four voices in Barbershop Quartets?

2. What does the SPEBSQSA stand for?

3. Which star of Diagnosis, Murder frequently sang with a Barbershop Quartet on the show?

4. Approximately how many men are registered as Barbershoppers in North America?

5. Which musical by Meredith Willson features a Barbershop quartet as the school board?

Big Hello: Svēks – Samogitian (Lituania) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Mexico says that the best way to stop Rapists & Criminals getting a foothold in America, is not to elect them president. --Submitted by sb of ar

Image of the Week: This is my granddaughter, my daughter, and my 2 great grandsons at the Hands Off Demonstration in Bremerton, WA. Not pictured are my grandson and his wife who were in the demonstration in Washington, DC. On my birthday.

Sentimental Moment of the Week: When my daughter posted this picture on facebook, this is what she wrote. Protesting runs in our family. Fun fact today is my mother’s birthday who took me to my first political event when I was two. February Sisters at the University of Kansas - check it out! She thought this was an awesome birthday gift.

Not So Fun Fact of the Week: Humans now only make up 38.5% of internet traffic. The other 61.5% is non-human (bots, hacking tools, etc). Happy National Robotics Week (5-13)

Have the penguins ever once said Thank You to us for letting them live there? I don't think so. --Vixen Vance ₱ The penguins amassed great wealth as they “looted, pillaged, raped, and plundered” the United States through unfair trade practices. ₧ Lawyers for the protesting penguins at the St Louis got their bail reduced pointing out that they are not a flight risk. ₱ What are you going to do? Deport us? We've been dealing with ICE for centuries.

..........Take away the sense of drama..........Joel Grey …..The Plum Is Too Ripe (Fantastics)

Moonbeam: The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it. --Leo Rosten

Blasphemy of the Week: The Church often domesticated Jesus into a mascot rather than following him as a revolutionary. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61554307011761

Coffee Joke of the Week: To Do: 1) Drink Coffee 2) Be Awesome

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I can't believe it's been over a 100 years since Einstein proposed the Theory of Relativity. Feels like only yesterday.

Well at least, the penguin was wearing a classier suit than anyone in the US delegation. ₱ I understand that the penguins are meeting with Zelinsky at this moment. ₱ This ePistle is marked safe from penguins – and their totally unfair trade policies.

..........You can take my father's crown and pack it..........Joel Grey …..Goodtime Charley (Goodtime Charley)

1) The four voice parts in Barbershop Quartet are Tenor, Lead, Baritone, and Bass

Almanac: It is Friday, April 11, 2025. The moon will be full (Pink) on Sunday (4/13) and is in Libra. Today is Barbershop Quartet Day, International "Louie Louie" Day, National Cheese Fondue Day, National Clean Up Your Pantry Day, National Donate Life (Blue & Green) Day, National Pet Day, National Ranch Water Day, National Teach Children to Save Day, Submarine Day, and World Parkinson's Disease Day.

Among those born on this day were William W. Campbell (1862), Dean Acheson (1893), Paul Douglas (1907), Leo Rosten (1908), Oleg Cassini (1913), Ethel Kennedy (Skakel, 1928), Joel Grey (1932), Louise Lasser (1939), and Peter Riegert (1947),

On April eleventh the Peace of Troyes was signed (1564), Napoleon was exiled (1814), the Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks was organized (1876), Spelman College was founded (1881), Ellis Island was designated as an immigration station (1890), the Treaty of Paris was ratified (1899), Einstein introduced his Theory of Relativity (1906), Pygmalion premiered (1914), the first state cigarette tax was levied (IA, 1921), the first weather satellite was launched (Tiros I, 1960), Dylan first appeared at Folk City (1961), Apollo 13 did not land on the moon (1970), Idi Amin was overthrown (1979), and Haley's comet came within 63 trillion km of Earth (1986),

Night Sky, 4/11: At this time of year, the two Dog Stars stand vertically aligned around the end of twilight. Look southwest. Brilliant Sirius in Canis Major is below, and Procyon in Canis Minor is about two fists above. http://www.skyandtelescope.com/observing/sky-at-a-glance/

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Dinosaur Boys

This Week: Saturday, April 12 – Big Wind Day & International Day of Human Space Flight & Passover & World Circus Day

Sunday, April 13 – Scrabble Day & Palm Sunday & Make Lunch Count Day

Night Sky, 4/13: Vega, the bright "Summer Star," rises in the northeast late these evenings. How early or late depends on your latitude and also on your longitude within your time zone. Exactly where should you watch for Vega to come up? Spot the Big Dipper almost overhead in the northeast. Look at Mizar at the bend of its handle. If you can see Mizar's tiny, close companion Alcor (binoculars show it easily), follow a line from Mizar through Alcor all the way down to the horizon. That's where Vega will make its appearance!

Monday, April 14 – International Moment of Laughter Day & National Gardening Day & Vaisakhi (Sikh New Year)

Tuesday, April 15 – Income Tax Day & National ASL Day (American Sign Language) & Take A Wild Guess Day

Wednesday, April 16 – Emancipation Day & National Orchid Day & World Voice Day

Night Sky, 4/16: Mercury and Saturn are all but undetectable very deep in the glow of sunrise; both are about 6° or 7° below Venus all week. Mercury brightens to a mere magnitude +1.0 near week's end, while Saturn holds at magnitude +1.2. Maybe try for them with a telescope if you have a very flat east horizon?

Thursday, April 17 – Bat Appreciation Day & Ellis Island Family History Day & Herbalist Day

Krill Capitalism: No Krill No Deal ... Our GDP is 12 fish and a shiny rock. ₱ Someone just reported that a waddle of penguins set fire to a cyber truck. ₧ I think it's because Melania was having an affair with a penguin while the Orange One was on the campaign trail. ₧ The Heard Island penguins have already made a new trade deal...with Canada

..........I was merely blown here by the winds of chance..........Joel Grey …..Wonderful (Wicked)

2) SPEBSQSA – Society for Preservation and Encouragement of BarberShop Quartet Singing in America aka American Barbershop Harmony Society

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: This is really unfair to everyone who just voted for him for the racism. --Ken Jennings

Moonbeam: I never cease being dumbfounded by the unbelievable things people believe. --Leo Rosten

Fun Fact of the Week: Happy Submarine Day! The first recorded submarine was constructed in 1620 by Cornelius Drebbel, a Dutch inventor. It used oars for propulsion. Images

Video of the Week: Penguin leader responds to Genghis Don's tariffs: https://www.facebook.com/search/top/?q=penguin%20tariff%20jokes

Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the word. --Albert Einstein The Theory of Relativity

This morning at the Lincoln Park Zoo all the penguins were wearing No Tariffs signs on their backs ₱ The Flipper Rights movement is training birds of all species to discern Tesla cars for bathroom messaging. ₧ Who speaks for the penguins?

..........That's why I do the best I can..........Joel Grey …..A Sentimental Man (Wicked)

3) Dick Van Dyke sang with a quartet named Metropolis, and they were the 2003 third place medallists in SPEBSQSA's International Quartet Competition.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The difference between Jim Jones and The Not-So-Great Pumpkin is that the president will charge you for the kool aid.

Penguin Fact of the Week: The Heard & McDonald Islands are inhabited by the southern elephant seal and macaroni, gentoo, king, and eastern rockhopper penguins. My favorite is the macaroni which is called the crested penguin anywhere else in the world Here's a Picture

Weird Word of the Week: Blustrification – action of celebrating boisterously https://www.worldwidewords.org/ww-abs1.html

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Shave. If you run out of shaving cream, slater on Cheez Whiz. The oils in the cheez Whiz lubricate the skin for a close shave and a unique scent. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cheezwhiz.html

A mysterious message has appeared in the snows of McDonald Island. It appears to be made of penguin shit and says YANKEE GO HOME ₱ The Penguins shouldn't feel so bad, he also set tariffs on Narnia, Hogwarts, Asgard, and Wakanda. But not on Mordor or Mars. ₧ Help the penguins pay their tariffs. Send fish to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave Washington DC

...........Just a perfect blendship..........Joel Grey …..Friendship (Anything Goes)

4) About 20,000 men are officially into barbershop harmony in North America.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: A little girl and her mom were looking at me at the coffee shop this morning and I hear her mom say, “go on, it's ok!” and the little girl shuffled up to me and said, “excuse me plea, do you have to put on your tattoos by yourself every day or dores you mom help you? https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100081967500272

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: InterGalactic ConQuest 2025 (11-13, Sacramento, CA) ...exciting array of board games, role playing games, and large scale miniature games! https://scificons.com/events/info/23934/intergalactic-conquest-2025

Musing of the Week: I was uplifted by today's (Saturday, 4/5) demonstrations. I read the number is 3.5 million people. (By Tuesday it was estimated at 5 million) My daughter and her daughter and her two grandsons and her son and her daughter in law all went to demonstrations on either side of the continent. From the demonstration in Kansas City at Mill Creek Park -where I have protested many times- the first of several pictures was a little old lady – no, not as old as me, but gray haired – was holding a sign that said F*CK TR*MP (without asterisks). And I remembered that the very first demonstration I went to was an anti-draft vigil in front of the Draft Office downtown Lawrence, KS. And Kimbel (George, I think, the sports writer) was busted for carrying a F*CK THE DR*FT...well, not a sign. He had written it on a piece of paper (I don't even think it was a full sized sheet) and was carrying it where only those of us standing vigil could see. Except for a policeman who saw it and arrested him. That was 1964 or 65. So 60 years later people can carry such a sign. Later in the series there was a picture of the same sign in the arms of one of the Plaza's adorable Easter Bunny statues that come out only at the time of year. I quote The Dead: What a long strange trip it's been.

Spark of Joy of the Week: Livestream African Penguin Cam https://www.georgiaaquarium.org/webcam/african-penguin-cam/

First they came for the LGBTQ+ community because they're homophobic. Then they came for people of different races because they're racist. Then they came for the poor because they're rich. Now they've come for the penguins and I'm just confused. ₱ Actually, the penguins only don't need the stuff we export because they don't have thumbs. Why should the American taxpayer suffer because penguins don't have thumbs?

..........You got the huggin'est arms..........Joel Grey …..Shoppin' Around (1957)

5) The Music Man featured the Buffalo Bills singing Good Night, Ladies, It's You, and Lida Rose

Protest Sign of the Week: So Many ISSUES So Little CARDBOARD

Better Protest Sign of the Week: Hands On To Give Me A Hug (carried by Ollie)

Best Protest Sign of the Week: I Was Accidentally Added To This Protest By A Signal Group Chat.

Another Really Good Protest Sign of the Week: Two Paths Diverged In the Wood And America Took The Psycho Path

Quote of the Week: Somehow (the Head Traffic Cone) has managed to transform the stock market into Kanye West. --Jimmy Kimmel

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: In the beginning there was nothing, Which exploded. --Terry Pratchett Lords and Ladies

Today's Peace of History: April 11, 1968: the Civil Rights Act of 1968 was signed into law.

I hope Fox is making a TV movie about the decision making process for putting tariffs on penguins. I hope Danny DeVito plays the penguin foreign minister. ₱ Penguin Protest: Unfair Trade! Make Fish Cheap Again! No tariffs on Tuxedos! ₱ McDonald Island just ordered 5,000 very small Guy Fawkes masks.

..........Cause you can look right through me..........Joel Grey …..Mr Cellophane (Chicago)

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, April 11, 2025, mAcaroni ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Humor is the affectionate communication of insight. --Leo Rosten

Cost of War: As of 04/10/25 State Department Costs: $262,292,224,688

As of 04/03/25 State Department Costs: $261,744,745,476

As of 04/10/25 Homeland Security: $1,196,610,545,212

As of 04/03/25 Homeland Security: $1,196,015,933,585

As of 04/10/25 Interest on War Debt: $1,291,712,940,563

As of 04/03/25 Interest on War Debt: $1,290,184,012,817

As of 04/10/25 Military Costs: $3,140,430,275,291

As of 04/03/25 Military Costs: $3,139,269,433,213

As of 04/10/25 Veterans Care: $4,216,776,248,269

As of 04/03/25 Veterans Care: $4,205,186,909,447,

As of 04/10/25 Total Cost of Wars: $10,107,824,116,747

As of 04/03/25 Total Cost of Wars: $10,092,403,192,668

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

God does not play dice. (with the universe) --Albert Einstein The Theory of Relativity

Famous Last Words: ...in the year of our Lord one thousand eighteen hundred and ninety-eight. --Treaty of Paris..wait for it...1898

..........And say that I'll be there e'er long..........Joel Grey …..Give Me Regards To Broadway (George M)

I want a flag that says Don't Tread On Me with a picture of a penguin ₱ The McDonald Island penguins have just imposed their own 10% tariff on US imports – shiny stones, non tuxedo clothing, nonsense, and hot air. They expect the entire population will be able to retire to the south of France by fall. ₱ Apparently the authors of Project 2025 were frightened by Chilly Willy at a very young age.

May Peace Pay Your Tariffs

And Joy Join Your Gang

prairie mama

christine

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