Mechanized ePistle

 Famous First Words: For a Labor Party: ...a statement by the Workers Party of America 1922 https://www.marxists.org/history/usa/eam/flp/farmerlaborparty.html

Happy National Mechanic's Day! Mechanic: When were your tires last rotated? --On the way home, silly. ĦĦ To be a good mechanic you need really fine motor skills.

..........Don't see the time flashin' by.........Linda Ronstadt …..Tumblin' Dice ~~All of today's songs and/or artists performed at the Freeze Nuclear Weapons Rally in Central Park (NYC) on June 12, 1982. The list of artists is incredible and I only have 10 in the ePistle.

Undoubtedly, the right of suffrage is a fundamental matter in a free and democratic society. Especially since the right to exercise the franchise in a free and unimpaired manner is preservative of other basic civil and political rights, any alleged infringement of the right of citizens to vote must be carefully and meticulously. --Justice Earl Warren

It is a beautiful Friday morning. The sun is shining and the sky is blue. I have been to my doctor appointment and had very good numbers and had lost a few more pounds. So I bought myself a rare brownie/cookie on the way home and I've sat down to write to you. What a lovely day so far.

Hope your weekend runs smoothly, gentle readers

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Although Jesus was known as a Carpenter, he never actually sang on any of their albums. --Submitted by Wittenburg Door

The mechanic asked the librarian for a book on repairing automatic gearboxes, but she only had manuals. ĦĦ When I asked the mechanic why my car was humming she suggested it didn't know the words.

..........Imagine all the people living life in peace.........Joan Baez …..Imagine

Trivia Questions: Happy National Jerky Day!

1. How long has jerky been around?

2. Why is jerky such a favorite with astronauts?

3. Where does the name “jerky” come from, anyway?

4. How much raw meat does it take to make an ounce of jerky?

5. Who thought up Jerky Day?

Big Hello: Ciao - Venetian https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I'm not procrastinating. I'm recalibrating the trajectory of my timeline. --Submitted by Club42

Image of the Week: One of my 3 hollyhock plants that survived the hard freeze after an early spring. This week it was destroyed by straight line winds.

All You Fascists of the Week: From the Piedmont Raging Grannies: All You Fascists Bound To Lose

A guy walked into the garage and said, “I'd like a gas cap for my KIA.” The mechanic thought for a moment and said, “Yeah, that's a fair trade.” ĦĦ My local garage put in a giant aquarium, right out in the garage. When I asked about it, the mechanic said, “Yep, we've got tunerfish.

..........Lookin' out at the road rushin' under my wheels.........Jackson Browne & Bruce Springsteen …..Running On Empty

Moonbeam: Let us enjoy the beautiful things we can see, my dear, and not think about those we cannot. --Johanna Spyri

Blasphemy of the Week: Satan! Because without a scapegoat you might have to take personal responsibility for your own actions. https://www.facebook.com/groups/469333204536042/

Coffee Joke of the Week: I don't want a coffee that “hints of cherry and cocoa.” I want a coffee that walks into my brain, flips a table over, and says, “Get up. We have responsibilities.” https://www.facebook.com/maythecoffeebewithyou

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The “narcoleptic Narcissist” is such a funny chap... Unless his ass is being kissed, he simply takes a nap.https://www.facebook.com/groups/1172103474568542/

Overall, I like the new uniforms for the garage. ĦĦ I watched a mechanic fixing the tailpipe of a rusty old car. It looked exhausting.

..........To brighten up even your darkest night.........James Taylor …..You've Got A Friend

1) Ancient cultures discovered that they could make meat last longer by drying and salting it, which made it much easier to store it for future consumption. The first known instances of drying meat into jerky have been traced back to the Incas in the 1500s, but it is assumed that jerky may date as far back as Ancient Egypt.

Almanac: It is Friday, June 12, 2026. Today is Crowded Nest Awareness Day, International Cachaça Day, International Falafel Day, Loving Day, Mechanics Day aka National Automotive Service, Professionals Day, National Jerky Day, National Peanut Butter Cookie Day, Superman Day, Women Veterans Recognition Day, and World Day Against Child Labor. Because it is the second Friday it is also National Movie Night. And because it is the first weekend it is Poultry Days.

Among those born on this day were Cosmos de Medici (1519), Johanna Spyri (1829), David Rockefeller (1915), George H W Bush (1924), Vic Damone (1928), Anne Frank (1929), Jim Nabors (1932), Dave Nelson (1943), and Barry Bailey (1948).

On June twelfth New Amsterdam was renamed New York (1665), the Territory of Iowa was organized 1838), the first baseball game was played (1839), the gas mask was patented (1849), the Comstock Silver lode was discovered (1959), Niagara Falls, Onatrio was incorporated (1903), Secret Service extended its protection to include the president's family (1917), the Farmer Labor Party organized (1920), the Baseball Hall of Fame opened (1939), SCOTUS ended laws against interracial marriages (1967), and 750,000 anti-nuclear demonstrators ralled in Central Park (1982).

Night Sky, 6/12: Mini planetary lineup: 30-60 minutes after sunset in the west northwestern sky: Venus – brightest of the trio Plus Jupiter - slightly above and to the left of Venus Plus Mercury – Visible just below Venus (may need binoculars for Mercury).

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Pirates of Bremerton

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Strait of Hormuz is being renamed the Strait of Schrödinger because it is both open and closed at the same time. --Andri Ana

This Week: Saturday, June 13 – Dragon Fly Day & National Kitchen Klutzes of America Day & Random Acts of Light

Sunday, June 14 – Flag Day & Children's Sunday & Race Unity Day & Family History Day

Night Sky, 6/14: The moon is nearly new and dark so Milky Way watching is at its best. The Moon passes Jupiter by less than 2°.

Monday, June 15 – Native American Citizenship Day & National Lobster Day & Worldwide Day of Giving

Tuesday, June 16 – Bloomsday & Fudge Day & World Sea Turtle Day

Wednesday, June 17 – World Crocodile Day & Islamic New Year & World Tessellation Day

Night Sky, 6/17: Sunrise: 5:26 am Sunset: 8:40 pm 14 Hours and 48 minutes of daylight. Moonrise: 12:18 am Moonset: 12:25 pm

Thursday, June 18 – Autistic Pride Day & Clark Kent's Birthday & World Tapas Day

Did you hear about the mechanic who had to push her car five miles on its hubcaps? She was tireless. ĦĦ I just finished reading a novel about aircraft mechanics. It was mostly riveting.

..........May the winds of change caress us.........Holly Near …..I Am Willing

2) Astronauts need food that is lightweight yet nutritionally dense, and that food needs to be able to be stored in zero gravity for years while taking up as little space as possible. Jerky fits the bill because it is full of nutrients like protein and iron and can be stored for a very long time. That’s why NASA began sending astronauts into space with beef jerky in 1996.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Why are less and less people using fewer? --Submitted by LanguageNerds

Moonbeam: Golllly! --Jim Nabors aka Gomer Pyle

Fun Fact of the Week: Happy International Falafel Day! The first instance of frying dough made from dried beans was recorded as a meal in Medieval Egypt, where it was enjoyed by Copts, a Christian ethnic group who at times rejected meat and adhered to a vegan diet.

Video of the Week: Opening sequence Superman (tv show in the 1950s with George Reeves) (:58)

Wesberry v. Sanders, (1964): "No right is more precious in a free country than that of having a voice in the election of those who make the laws under which, as good citizens, we must live. Other rights, even the most basic, are illusory if the right to vote is undermined --Justice Hugo Black

I ran into my mechanic at the pub and we got to chatting. I asked him if he enjoyed being a mechanic. He said, “Yes and no. Sometimes at the end of the day I feel like I've been through the engine.” ĦĦ A jumper cable goes into a bar...and the bartender says, “I'll serve you, but don't start anything.”

..........I'll pass as your comrade and we march along.........Peter, Paul & Mary …..The Cruel War

3) As we mentioned before, the first known records of jerky were traced back to the Incas in South America. These tribes spoke the language Quechua, and their name for dried, salted meat was ch’arki, which literally meant “dried meat” or “burned meat.” When the Spanish colonizers arrived, they discovered the native dish and adopted the name, which then evolved into charqui. As the delicious and convenient meal became more popular among Europeans, the name eventually evolved into jerky.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There's a thin line between “I should post that to Facebook” and “I should talk to a therapist about that.”

Weird Word of the Week: Nubivagant: wandering in the clouds, often used to describe a dreamer or someone lost in thought. https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/nubivagant

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean grease and grime off car engine parts. Soak the parts in Coca-cola for 30 minutes and then rinse clean. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola2.html

If you cross a Chrysler and a Fiat you get a big car that doesn't start. ĦĦ They made an Oscar winning film about mechanics and called it Lord of the Springs.

...........I've been pushed and I've been knocked down.........Gary US Bonds …..Hold On

4) It takes about 2.5 to 3.5 ounces of meat to make 1 ounce of finished jerky. Raw meat is 70-75% water. So a pound of meat makes roughly 4 ounces once it is fully dried.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Fascists don't want immigrants to take your jobs; they want AI to take your jobs.

Christine Update of the Week: Early in May I went to the dermatologist about a thing on my face. They took it off and sent it to the lab. A week later I got a phone call that it was squamous cell carcinoma. I also got an email that said I could get a copy of the diagnosis at some website. When I went to the site it claimed to have never heard of me. I thought it was fine they would send it to my regular doctor and he would be able to explain it. But when I went in to give blood for lab work the nurse said they did not, in fact, have the diagnosis. They had other reports and pictures, etc. but not the diagnosis. So I stopped by the office and they printed off a copy. It said I had “well differentiated” squamous cell carcinoma. I looked up all the bits on the internet. “Well differentiated means it was easy to tell the cancer cells from the skin cells. Which means it is a low-grade, slow growing cancer. Whew! I kind of feel like the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy just changed my entry from Almost harmless to Harmless.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Trek Long Island 2026 (12-14, Hauppauge, NY) ...Together we can make a difference. https://treklongisland.com/

Whatever This Is of the Week: Being bilingual means double the sad songs you can cry to. --Submitted by LanguageNerds

Spark of Joy of the Week: It's so #!*%#+# crazy to me that almost all of society's problems could be dealt with by taxing the grotesquely wealthy until they were only obscenely wealthy. --Jason Barfnett -_Submitted by gr of oh

Mechanic: They auto know better. ĦĦ My partner wrote their thesis on differences between propeller mechanics and human anatomy. I've gotta say...I'm not a fan.

..........I can feel it bubbling up.........Chaka Khan …..Sharing The Love

5) Since 2012, June 12th has been officially known as National Jerky Day in the United States. This holiday was created by the Wisconsin Beef Council to build awareness about jerky. The best way to celebrate National Jerky Day is by buying your favorite jerky and eating as much as you can throughout the day on June 12th.

Protest Sign of the Week: Trump Is The Insurrection

Second Protest Sign of the Week: Midterms: Make It Too Big To Rig

Quote of the Week: Many people hear voices when no-one is there. Some of them are called “mad” and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called “writers” and they do pretty much the same thing. --Ray Bradbury

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I get that the new world is struggling to be born but can't we get an epidural or something? --Mary Beth Janssen

Today's Peace of History: June 12, 1967: The Supreme Court struck down state miscegenation laws prohibiting interracial marriages as violations of the 14th amendment which guarantees equal protection under the law. In June of 1958, Richard Loving and Mildred Jeter had married in Washington D.C. Upon return to their home state of Virginia, the couple was arrested, convicted of a felony, and sentenced to a year in jail. Their appeal led to the decision.

I had one of those Swiss made cars, but I didn't keep it long. It kept getting stuck in neutral. ĦĦ That body shop mechanic is kind of creepy. It's like she has an auto body experience every time she works on a car.

..........Close the wound, hide the scar.........Carly Simon …..That's The Way I've Always Heard It Should Be

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, June 12, 2026: Mechanized ePistle . Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them. --George Herbert Walker Bush

Cost of War:

Pentagon Spending as of 6/11/26: $707,819,308,268 That's 18 billion 745 million 226 thousand 328 dollars spent in just one week**

**With $18 billion we could fully fund the Global Fund's plan to save 23 million lives and prevent 400 million infections from AIDS, tuberculosis, and malaria.

Pentagon Spending as of 6/04/26: $689,074,081,940

Pentagon Spending in May 2026: $87,601,145,719

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/category/military/

The right to vote too easily suffers abrasion if a fee is imposed, or a poll tax is enacted. The political franchise of voting should be completely unencumbered. --Justice William O Douglas

Famous Last Words: Turn me loose. --Medgar Evers Died 6/12/1963 by assassination

..........My life, my joy, my fear, my anger.........Sweet Honey In The Rock …..Tomorrow

You can make a mechanical frog; but you can't use bolts, you have to use rivets. ĦĦ I complained to my mechanic that the front passenger's wheel always seems to run a little flat. So he bought it a tuning fork.

May Peace tighten your bolts

And Joy loosen your screws

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Deluded ePistle

Famous First Words: Vi, Frederik den Syvende, af Guds Naade, Konge til Danmark. ...Constitution of Denmark under the monarchy (1849) “We, Frederik the Seventh, by the Grace of God, King of Denmark...”

It's The Day of Popular Delusions! Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also, great news world hunger is over because I just ate. --Stephen Colbert §§ Childhood Delusion: Snails suffered in the rain. So I would take out a large umbrella and sit under it and hold it over the garden to protect the snails.

..........'Cause when you worry your face will frown.........Bobby McFarin …..Don't Worry, Be Happy

Simon and Garfunkel have reunited to announce they will not be playing the Freedom 250 concert and then promptly broke up again.

Words ought to be a little wild, for they are the assaults of thoughts on the unthinking. --John Maynard Keynes

It is a windy (10-15 mph ssw) Friday morning. Trees and flags and flowers are all dancing silently. The sky is filled with fluffly white clouds whose tops catch the rising sun and glow while thin gray clouds below them run ahead of the breeze like they are frightened. I was standing at my back door watching a bluejay sitting on a power line and a squirrel sitting on the roof of the shed watching me; waiting for me to leave so they could break fast on peanuts and sunflower seeds. They pretend not to be watching me. Earth smells like rain although none has fallen recently nor is any predicted; humidity just rises unseen to tease the nose. I am drinking doctored decaf and breathing slowly to help Puck over his coughing as he sleeps under my feet. And I'm writing to you. It has the makings of a delightful morning.

Hope your weekend is real enough to remember but delusional enough to be fun, weekenders

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There is no physical evidence to say that today is Friday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one. --FM Chauncy --Submitted by Laughing Librarian

Your delusional behavior really solidifies my belief in the statement, “You can't argue with crazy”. §§ One of the most famous historical psychiatric quirks was the glass delusion. Prominent nobles, including King Charles VI of France, genuinely believed their bodies—or sometimes just their buttocks—were made of delicate glass. They wrapped themselves in heavy blankets to prevent shattering and, in Charles's case, had iron rods sewn into their clothes!

..........Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth.........William Pharrell …..Happy

Emmet Otter's Jugband announced they will not perform at the Freedom 250 event. (Neither will Kermit, Animal, or Miss Piggy.)

Trivia Questions: Happy Donut Day aka Doughnut Day

1. The “modern” doughnut was invented in 1847. Do you know who invented it?

2. Which American writer was the first writer to wax lyrical about donuts?

3. Which doughnuts did Voodoo Donuts name “medicinal”?

4. Which east coast city has the most doughnut shops per person?

5. How many donuts are made in the US every year – more or less?

Big Hello: Aa – Venda (South Africa & Zimbabwe) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When I said I wanted to be mysterious and fascinating, I didn't mean medically. --Submitted by INRITH

Image of the Week: This squirrel laid on the top of the chain link fence for at least 5 minutes while I got my phone and finally got the camera up and working.

85 Year Old Protest Song of the Week: When That Man Is Dead And Gone written by Irving Berlin performed by the Glenn Miller orchestra https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4IUesQQKKQ ~~”That man” was Hitler.

Have you thought about therapy for your delusions of grandeur? Yes, but I can't find a therapist who's really good enough. §§ During a time of extreme stress and forced celibacy, convents occasionally became ground zero for mass hysteria. In one famous French convent, a nun started meowing, and soon the entire convent joined in on the caterwauling. It became an organized, daily ritual where they would all meow together at structured times for several hours.

..........What a good place to be.........Housemartins …..Happy Hour

Breaking: The B Sharps featuring Homer Simpson have just pulled out of the Freedom 250 concert.

Moonbeam: The purpose of anthropology is to make the world safe for human differences. --Ruth Benedict

Blasphemy of the Week: Anyone who doesn't understand why freedom of religion should also include freedom from religion, doesn't understand freedom. --https://www.facebook.com/blasphemememes

Coffee Joke of the Week: My coffee isn't a drink. It's a tiny brown restraining order between me and society. https://www.facebook.com/maythecoffeebewithyou

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right...there is a 90% change you'll get it wrong. --Submitted by Laughing Librarian

I need someone to explain why it's always “if you can't pay rent, buy fewer lattes and avocado toasts” and not “if you can't pay employees a living wage, buy fewer yachts and real estate”. §§ Following the exile and death of Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte, Europe experienced a massive surge in "Napoleons." Dozens of men in asylums across France suffered from a delusion of grandeur, firmly believing they were the Emperor himself. These asylums essentially became full-scale royal courts where dozens of Napoleons had to navigate coexisting in the same room.

.........Never blew a second chance..........Rolling Stones …..Happy

Wyld Stallyins (aka Bill and Ted) confirm bogus errors in communication. They will NOT be playing the most heinous Freedom 250 concert.

1) 16 year old sea captain Hanson Gregory was frustrated by the raw dough center so he punched a hole using the spokes of his ship's wheel so the pastry would fry evenly. ~~This was the origin story I grew up with. But I have a problem with it. How did a 16 year old get to a sea captain? Also one source claims Gregory's mother used to make the pastries and send them to the crew.

Almanac: It is Friday June 5, 2026. The moon will enter its 4^th quarter on Monday (6/8) and will also enter Aquarius today. Today is Festival of Popular Delusions Day, HIV Long Term Survivors Awareness Day, Hot Air Balloon Day, International Day for The Fight Against Illegal (Unreported and Unregulated Fishing), National Gun Violence Awareness Day, National Moonshine Day, National Veggie Burgers Day, and World Environment Day. Because it is the first weekend in June it is also Doughnut Day aka Donut Day and Horseradish Days.

Among those born on this day were Thomas Chippendale (1718 – the furniture maker not the stripper), Adam Smith (1723), John Couch Adams (1819), Pancho Villa (1878), John Maynard Keynes (1883), Ruth Benedict (1887), William Boyd (1895), Federico Gracia Lorca (1898), Bill Moyers (1934), Waylon Jennings (1937), Ken Follett (1939), Kenny G (1956), Ron Livingston (1967), and Jack Smith (1969).

On June fifth Denmark became a constitutional monarchy (1849), the US went off the gold standard (1933), the Baker Street Irregulars met for the first time (NYC, 1934), the American Negro Theater organized (1940), Denmark adopted a new constitution (1953), segregation on buses was outlawed nationally (1956), Bobby Kennedy was shot (1968), and the waterfront streetcar began running in Seattle (1982).

Night Sky, 6/5: Jupiter and Venus are tightening up. Mercury is low in the west-northwest right behind them. The Milky Way core rises brightly after midnight.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Ollie, Max and the Big Dice

This Week: Saturday, June 6 – The Belmont Stakes & Drawing or Pencil Day & YoYo Day & National Prairie Day

Sunday, June 7 – National Animal Rights Day & World Caring Day & World Naturist Day

Night Sky, 6/7: Venus moves to within 2.3° of Jupiter.

Monday, June 8 – Ghostbusters Day & Upsy Daisy Day & World Oceans Day & National Best Friends Day

Night Sky, 6/8: Sunrise: 5:55 am CDT Sunset: 8:44 pm CDT (14 Hours and 49 minutes of daylight) Moonrise: 7:24 am CDT Moonset: 4:26 pm CDT

Tuesday, June 9 – Donald Duck Day & International Celtic Art Day & Toy Industry Day

Wednesday, June 10 – AA Founders Day & Ball Point Pen Day & Iced Tea Day

Night Sky, 6/10: Saturn-Moon Conjunction 5° East at midnight Day Sky, 6/10: Arietids Meteor Shower (Daytime) 60-200/hour in Aries. We can't see it, but they will be tracked on various computer sites. https://theskylive.com/meteorshower-daytimearietids

Thursday, June 11 – National Get Outdoors Day & National Making Life Beautiful Day

All my children's children are beautiful and take after their grandmother. §§ Despite the July heat in 1518, Frau Troffea began silently dancing in the streets of Strasbourg, France. She'd kept up her bizarre dance marathon for nearly a week when suddenly other citizens began joining her. Soon the streets were filled with three dozen dancers. By August, an astounding 400 were shimmying and shaking nonstop all over the city.

..........Brush off the clouds and cheer up.........Dick VanDyke & Janet Leigh …..Put On A Happy Face

Gus Polinski (John Candy) just announced that the Kenosha Kickers Polka Band have pulled out of the Great American State Fair.

2) Washington Irving lists the doughnut along with crullers and olykoek as part of the legendary Van Tassel feast.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There was a young lady named Bright, Whose speed was far faster than light. She went out one day, In a relative way, And returned the previous night. --Submitted by Laughing Librarian

Moonbeam: Our faith in the present dies out long before our faith in the future. --Ruth Benedict

Fun Fact of the Week: Happy National Moonshine Day! You've seen cartoons that depict moonshine as a jug with xxx on it. The x's indicate how many times the liquor was processed through the still. The more xs the stronger.

Video of the Week: Segregation on buses was outlawed by the supreme court in 1955. Yet Freedom Riders on interstate buses were nearly murdered in 1961. Here are some of their stories. (3:34)

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward. --John Maynard Keynes

Your extremely delusional beliefs about your nonexistent greatness make you an excellent candidate for immediate psychiatric intervention. §§ In March of 1954 the town of Bellingham in northwest Washington the population began noticing tiny pockmarks on their car windshields. By mid-April, Seattle was reeling from the problem. Theories blamed sand fleas and/or H-bomb fallout. When the police investigated 15,000 cars they found that 5% of the damage was due to hoodlumism and the other 95% was mere hysteria. The damage was due to normal, non-nefarious wear and tear.

That banjo playing kid from Deliverance doesn't see himself going to the Freedom 250 concert.

..........The skies above are clear again.........Barbra Streisand …..Happy Days Are Here Again

3) Portland, Oregon-based Voodoo Doughnut is famous for its wild doughnut flavors. For a while, the doughnut shop even offered NyQuil- and Pepto Bismol-coated doughnuts (the latter were dipped in Pepto Bismol, sprinkled with Tums, and marketed to customers who’d had too much to drink and wanted a snack that was easy on the stomach). The doughnut shop was eventually forced to retire its medicinal flavors after the FDA stepped in.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You can not use someone else's map to find yourself. --Submitted by ma of va

Weird Word of the Week: Mellisonant: something that is sweet and pleasing to the ear. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/mellisonant

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Boost a compost bin. Pouring flat Coca-Cola into the compost pile helps jumpstart the micro-organisms. The Real Thing increases the acidity and the sugar feeds the micro-organisms increasing the organic matter in the compost. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola2.html

I live in a delusional world dipped in chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate §§ Doctor, I have a terrible problem. Every time I eat chocolate, I suffer from the delusion that the candy bar is magically multiplying! Don't worry, that's just a classic case of Obsessive Chocolate Disorder.

I heard neither Lawrence Welk nor his bubble machine will be at the Freedom 250 Great American State Fair.

...........No such thing as gone too far.........Blake Sheldon …..Happy Anywhere

4) Boston, MA has a donut shop for every 2,480 in the city.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw shit. --Stephen King

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Narrativity 2025 (4-7, Plymouth, MN) A Convention for the Art and Craft of Writing https://www.narrativity.fun/Audio

Audio of the Week: The Bootstrap Boys: All You Fascists Bound To Lose https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAcMfCvX3Qs

Spark of Joy of the Week: The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. --Thich Nhat Hanh

A friend accused me of being delusional. I almost fell off my unicorn. §§ I aspire to be as delusional as a vegan ordering a cauliflower chicken wing. They put the lemon pepper on there and look you dead in the eye, fully believing they are biting into a buffalo wing. I love optimism!

Vanilla Ice wants to bring back the 90s...Unfortunately, Trump wants them to be the 1890s. --Tom Kitchen Jr

..........Now I'm havin' so much fun..........Blood Sweat and Tears …..You Make Me So Very Happy

5) Over 10 billion donuts are made every year in the US.

Protest Sign of the Week: Stop Watching Start Acting

Quote of the Week: You guys....we made it all up. ALL of it. Everything. Money. Bills. Gender. Capitalism. Femininity. Masculinity. Body image. The 5 day workweek. Three meals a day. School. College. Fashion, Expectations. Institutions. Holidays. Traditions. Literally every single thing that we take for granted as “just the way it's done” is f*cking made up and I just feel like it's really important that we remember that. --mamaoffthegrid --Submitted by TPWJS

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The delusion of MAGA is they think kicking out immigrants will make capitalism work again. The delusion of liberals is they think electing a Democrat president will make capitalism work again. They're both wrong. The world is in decay because capitalism only works for the rich. --Power to the People --Submitted by cjj of ks

Today's Peace of History: June 5, 1972: Jane Briggs Hart, the wife of Senator Philip A. Hart (D-Michigan), informed the Internal Revenue Service that she wouldn’t pay some of her taxes; instead, she deposited her quarterly estimated tax of $6,200 in a special bank account. She wrote: "I cannot contribute one more dollar toward the purchase of more bombs and bullets.

But you don't have delusions. The idea that you have them is merely a delusion. §§ When the overly confident donkey looked into the mirror she saw a majestic lioness. By the way, she had a serious self-perception delusion.

The fart sound made from a hand in the armpit has announced it will not perform at Trump's 250^th concert. --Submitted by cj of ks

..........When whatever here is done.........Bruce Springsteen …..Happy

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, June 5, 2026: Deluded ePistle . Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: I long to speak out the intense inspiration that comes to me from the lives of strong women. --Ruth Benedict

Cost of War:

Pentagon Spending as of 6/04/26: $689,074,081,940

Pentagon Spending as of 6/01/26: $680,101,472,407 ~~That comes to 2 billion, 253 million, 152 thousand 383 dollars and 25 cents EVERY DAY in just 4 days.

Pentagon Spending in May 2026: $87,601,145,719

An additional 7 and one half billion more than last month.

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/category/military/

Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone. --John Maynard Keynes

Famous Last Words: This Act shall come into operation at the same time as the Constitution of the Kingdom of Denmark Act, 5th June, 1953. --Danish Constitution of 1953

The Von Trapp family announced that they have been through this before and they will not be performing at the Freedom 250 concert.

..........Until we meet again.........Roy Rogers …..Happy Trails

Life is too short to have anything but delusional notions about yourself. --Gene Simmons §§ Don't Humor Me! I'm Delusional!

May your Peace be real

And your Joy be solid

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

What ePistle?

Famous First Words: Anno Domini 1630: march 29, mundaye. --John Winthrop's History of New England

May is Mystery Month! Armed and humorous: Beware! Jokes here may be criminally funny. ... My Agatha Christie themed bakery only sells mystery muffins; you never know what's inside, a real who doughnut.

..........I'm trying to explain.........Melissa Etheridge …..I'm the Only One

The liberties of a people never were, nor ever will be secure, when the transactions of their rulers may be concealed from them. --Patrick Henry

It is a rainy Friday morning. The sky is a solid white with the very occasional wisp of a gray idea of a cloud sailing under it wafted by a breeze that barely moves the tree branches. Those branches are filled with birds. I can see them on the tops of the willow trees that have been stripped of leaves by the intense winds of 2026. Yet there is little birdsong in the air. Instead I hear motor cars and a distant siren. 68°F is cool but muggy from the light drizzle. Veronica was reluctant to lay her little cat paws on the wet concrete of the patio. Puck had already been out, did his business, and returned immediately shaking tiny water drops from his fur. Apparently it wore him out since he is now sleeping deeply and snoring lightly. Now and then I can hear a drop of rain on the chimney but mostly the world is silent and I get to sit, to sip my coffee, and to write to you. What a morning!

Hope your weekend unfolds before you like a clever mystery, Armchair Sleuths.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: OK, hear me out: An old-fashioned candy necklace but with tums and ibuprofen. --Submitted by ks of ks

Another year, another crime scene of fun. … If I had a bookstore, I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.

..........Can't you see I'm out of control.........Melissa Etheridge …..Bring Me Some Water

Trivia Questions: Happy 178^th Birthday to Wisconsin?

1. We all know Wiscosin is “America's Dairyland”. Do you know any other of its nicknames?

2. Which motorcycle company began in and is headquartered in Milwaukee, WI?

3. Which American Indian tribes make up the majority of the native the population?

4. What imaginary Wisconsin town does Barbie hail from?

5. What or where or how much was the record snowfall that earned Wisconsin the name The Frozen Tundra?

Big Hello: Assalomu Alaykum – Uzbek ( https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The president and the vice president starring in a live action Beavis and Butthead movie. --Submitted by Catsonacouch

Image of the Week: This is one of 10,000 postcards that will be mailed to Kansas voters in June. In the 1950s the Kansas Supreme Court was so corrupt that the constitution was changed to selection of judges by a committee dedicated to good law not big money. Now Kansas republicans want to change it back ~~ My guess is because they didn't like the way the entire state voted on the abortion issue; so they want to be able to overturn voter decisions by buying judges.

Geezer Joke of the Week: I'm so old that I'm still kind of scared to put spaces in files names. --Jason K Pargin --Submitted by UUHS

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb, and the other to give it an unusual twist at the end. … That new detective who seems to solve crimes by accident is called Sheer Luck Holmes.

..........Longing for home again.........Melissa Etheridge …..Breathe

Moonbeam: The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. --John F Kennedy, Jr

Blasphemy of the Week: Both the Bible and Quran tell us to love one another. The Kama Sutra is a bit more specific...and has caused ZERO wars. https://www.facebook.com/churchoftheeternalsinner

Coffee Joke of the Week: At work we call coffee break fluid.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There is no “we” in chocolate. --Submitted by Writers, Readers and General Tomfoolery

Some mystery person keeps adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens. … Ghosts would make great detectives. They can see right through people.

..........Well show a little faith, there's magic in the night.........Melissa Etheridge …..Thunder Road

1) Wisconsin has 7 other nicknames, but a couple seem like repeats. 1) America's Dairyland 2) Badger State 3) The Copper State 4) The Forward State 5) Cheese State 6) Dairy State 7) The Frozen Tundra

Almanac: It is Friday, May 29, 2026. The moon will be full on Sunday (5/31, Blue) and is in Scorpio. The United Nations has declared this International Day of UN Peacekeepers. Today is Learn About Composting Day, National 529 Day, National Alligator Day, and Put a Pillow on Your Fridge Day. Because it is the last Friday in May it is Heat Awareness Day.

Among those born on this day were Charles II (1630), Louis Daubenton (1716), Patrick Henry (1736), Ebenezer Butterick (1826), Hans Makart (1840), Alfonsina Storni (1892), Bob Hope (Leslie Townes,1903), Neil R. Jones (1909), John F. Kennedy (1917), Al Unser (1939), Danny Elfman (1953), LaToya Jackson (1956), Annette Bening (1958), and Melissa Etheridge (1961).

On May twenty-ninth Winthrop began writing 'History of New England" (1630), Rhode Island became the last of the the original 13 colonies to ratify the Constitution (1790), Wisconsin became the 30th state (1848), the current constitution of Switzerland took effect (1874), Frank "Home Run" Baker hit his first career home run (1909), the Supreme Court exempted baseball from antitrust laws (1922), Crosby recorded "White Christmas" (1942), Hillary and Norgay reached the summit of Everest (1953), de Gaulle formed a French government (1959), "Truth in Lending" became law (1968), A J Foyt won the Indianapolis 500 for a record 4th time (1977), 1st class postage rose to 15 cents (1978), and Russia elected Yeltsin (1990).

Night Sky, 5/29: The gibbous moon is 90% illuminated and sits 2°-3° from bright, orange-red Antares, the star at the “heart of the scorpion”.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Waiting for the ferry

This Week: Saturday, May 30 – International Day of the Potato & National Creativity Day & the Anniversary of the Indianapolis 500 auto race. (1911)

Sunday, May 31 – National Smile Day & Save Your Hearing Day & World Parrot Day

Night Sky, 5/31: Tau Herculids Meteor Shower peaks after midnight. Called a “modest” meteor shower.

Monday, June 1 – National Go Barefoot Day & World Reef Awareness Day & Oscar the Grouch Day

Tuesday, June 2 – National VW Bus Day & National Gun Violence Awareness Day

Night Sky, 6/2: Jupiter enters Cancer Venus and Jupiter are close together in the northwest sky soon after sunset and Mercury is near Venus. They are the 3 brightest stars in the west.

Wednesday, June 3 – World Bicycle Day & National Egg Day & Global Running Day

Night Sky, 6/3: Sunrise: 5:56 am Sunset: 8:42 pm (14 Hours and 46 Minutes of daylight) Moonrise: 11:47 pm Moonset: 8:19 am

Thursday, June 4 – Hug Your Cat Day & National Punk Day & National Cheese Day

I'm writing a mystery novel, or am I? … PP (Possible Plot): Remember, it's only murder if they find a body.

..........My love still lives and breathes.........Melissa Etheridge …..Testify

2) Harley-Davidson's first factory opened in 1903 at 3700 W Juneau Ave and its headquarters is still at that address.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: So Orange Julius Caesar and the Pope are standing on the balcony and the Pope says “with one wave of my hand I can make this crowd go crazy cheering.” Trump says, “No way, that's impossible.” The Pope says “Can too” Trump says, “OK, prove it.” So the Pope slaps him.

Moonbeam: There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction. --John F Kennedy, Jr

Fun Facts of the Week: It's Learn About Composting Day. George Washington is best known as a Founding Father and the President of the USA. What’s not as well known was that he had an early appreciation for the soil – abandoning the cultivation of tobacco because it ruined the fertility of the land- and was an avid composter, performing experiments to find the best way to turn dung into compost. In his quest for fertility, Washington pursued numerous experiments and even constructed a stercorary or “dung repository” specifically designed for composting. ~~The man ran a shit library. You can't say you didn't learn something about composing today. https://www.compostmagazine.com/composting-facts/

Video of the Week: Bing Crosby singing White Christmas from the movie Holiday Inn (3:01) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJ36gbGlm8Y

I have many anxieties for our commonwealth, principally occasioned by the depreciation of our money. --Patrick Henry

Sherlock Holmes was always reluctant to take credit for solving a mystery. Oh, it was nothing, he would say. The police would have solved it in time. Everyone knew he was just being modest. Be he ever so humble, there's no police like Holmes.

..........Go on and close your eyes, imagine me there.........Melissa Etheridge …..Similar Features

3) 1: Chippewa 2: Potawatomi 3: Ho-Chunk 4: Menominee 5: Oneida 6: Mohican All have real estate and communities in Wisconsin.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. https://www.facebook.com/embodypeaceandlove

Weird Word of the Week: halation: The halo-like effect produced by light in photographs. https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/halation

Dragon of the Week: ~~Seems like a lot of work for a cat bed.

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Get rid of fruit flies. Use an electric drill with a one-quarter inch bit to drill a hole in the cap of a two liter Coke bottle. Leave one inch of Coke (not diet or caffeine-free) in the bottom of the bottle, and set outside. Fruit flies will crawl into the bottle to enjoy the Real Thing, but won't be able to get back out. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola2.html

The NSW Police have found a large number of dead crows on the Sturt Highway just outside Wagga Wagga early this morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars. The investigators then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat roadkill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "bike".

...........wait by the light of the moon.........Melissa Etheridge …..Come to My Window

4) Barbie hails from Willows, WI. If you are an aficionado a tour of the Fennimore Doll and Toy Museum might be a fun day out.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: They gave him a colonoscopy and found half of congress. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61576677326539

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: ConCarolinas 2026 (29-31, Charlotte, NC) ...artists, authors, gamers, and geeks... https://concarolinas.org/

Unknown Origin of the Week: Every man has a natural right to be stupid. But Dwight McDonald abuses the privilege. ~~Of uncertain origin, (originally attributed to Trotsky) but always applicable. Just fill in the name that fits. --Submitted by lh of ks

Spark of Joy of the Week: I can't think of a group of people who need to watch Sesame Street MORE than the Republican party. --Jon Stewart

There's a chicken writing mystery novels. She calls herself Eggatha Christie. … Agatha Christie would write one mystery novel after another without pause until her arms ached. She was diagnosed with marple tunnel syndrome

..........To hell with the consequence.........Melissa Etheridge …..I Want to Come Over

5) In the winter of 1996-97 a record 277.7 inches of snow fell in Hurley, WI.

Protest Sign of the Week: WE ALL LOST THE ELECTION ~~Offices of Sen Moran, Olathe, KS 5/22/26

Quote of the Week: Those who invited me to speak always pointed out that we were to be commended for our breadlines and our charity to the poor, rather than for our attempts to achieve justice through the nonviolent weapon of the strike. --Dorothy Day

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I just wanted to let you know that if we were both birds, I would still want to be your friend so we could poop on people together. --Submitted by bu of ks

Today's Peace of History: May 29, 1932: In the depths of the Great Depression, the “Bonus Expeditionary Force,” a group of 1000 World War I veterans seeking to cash in their veterans’ bonus certificates, arrived in Washington, D.C. Though issued to the veterans in 1924, the certificates were not scheduled to be paid until 1945. By mid-June, the vets had set up a massive “Hooverville,” a contemporary term for an encampment of the homeless.

A prison mystery: Why were you sent to prison? Bribery And how did you get out after just a month? What do you think? ... There was a mystery involving an officer worker and a small bag. It was a brief case.

..........Something's gotta give somewhere.........Melissa Etheridge …..All American Girl

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, May 29, 2026: What ePistle? Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. --John F Kennedy, Jr

Cost of War:

Pentagon Spending as of 5/28/26 $669,094,565,457 ...That's 19 billion, 957 million, 663 thousand 715 dollars spent this week. What have we bought with it?

Pentagon Spending as of 5/21/26: $649,136,901,742

Pentagon Spending as of 5/14/26: $629,922,819,748

Pentagon Spending as of 5/07/26: $610,538,452,895

Pentagon Spending as of 5/01/26: $592,500,326,688

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $ 81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/category/military/

Number of US casualties since Trump's Iran War began: 423 https://theintercept.com/2026/05/26/us-iran-war-casualties-ceasefire/ (The official number is 13, by the way. https://www.militarytimes.com/news/your-military/2026/04/08/pentagon-data-13-us-troops-killed-346-wounded-in-operation-epic-fury/ )

Number of Iran casualties since Trump's Iran War began: 3,375 also 2,702 in Lebanon, and 28 in various other states https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/3/1/us-israel-attacks-on-iran-death-toll-and-injuries-live-tracker

If this be treason, make the most of it! --Patrick Henry

Famous Last Words: Any money so appropriated shall remain available to the Commission until the date of its expiration, as fixed by section 40G. --Truth In Lending Act passed 5/29/1968

..........Oh, how lovely it was.........Bob Hope …..Thanks for the Memory

We're trying to come up with a name for our flock of mystery solving chickens. Pop calls them the Clue Clucks Clan. … A university creative writing class was assigned a story containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex, and mystery. The prize-winner was, “My God,” said the Queen, “I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is!”

May Peace ever amaze you

And Joy take your breath away

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: Happy National Alligator Day