Deluded ePistle

Famous First Words: Vi, Frederik den Syvende, af Guds Naade, Konge til Danmark. ...Constitution of Denmark under the monarchy (1849) “We, Frederik the Seventh, by the Grace of God, King of Denmark...”

It's The Day of Popular Delusions! Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also, great news world hunger is over because I just ate. --Stephen Colbert §§ Childhood Delusion: Snails suffered in the rain. So I would take out a large umbrella and sit under it and hold it over the garden to protect the snails.

..........'Cause when you worry your face will frown.........Bobby McFarin …..Don't Worry, Be Happy

Simon and Garfunkel have reunited to announce they will not be playing the Freedom 250 concert and then promptly broke up again.

Words ought to be a little wild, for they are the assaults of thoughts on the unthinking. --John Maynard Keynes

It is a windy (10-15 mph ssw) Friday morning. Trees and flags and flowers are all dancing silently. The sky is filled with fluffly white clouds whose tops catch the rising sun and glow while thin gray clouds below them run ahead of the breeze like they are frightened. I was standing at my back door watching a bluejay sitting on a power line and a squirrel sitting on the roof of the shed watching me; waiting for me to leave so they could break fast on peanuts and sunflower seeds. They pretend not to be watching me. Earth smells like rain although none has fallen recently nor is any predicted; humidity just rises unseen to tease the nose. I am drinking doctored decaf and breathing slowly to help Puck over his coughing as he sleeps under my feet. And I'm writing to you. It has the makings of a delightful morning.

Hope your weekend is real enough to remember but delusional enough to be fun, weekenders

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There is no physical evidence to say that today is Friday, we all just have to trust that someone kept count since the first one. --FM Chauncy --Submitted by Laughing Librarian

Your delusional behavior really solidifies my belief in the statement, “You can't argue with crazy”. §§ One of the most famous historical psychiatric quirks was the glass delusion. Prominent nobles, including King Charles VI of France, genuinely believed their bodies—or sometimes just their buttocks—were made of delicate glass. They wrapped themselves in heavy blankets to prevent shattering and, in Charles's case, had iron rods sewn into their clothes!

..........Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth.........William Pharrell …..Happy

Emmet Otter's Jugband announced they will not perform at the Freedom 250 event. (Neither will Kermit, Animal, or Miss Piggy.)

Trivia Questions: Happy Donut Day aka Doughnut Day

1. The “modern” doughnut was invented in 1847. Do you know who invented it?

2. Which American writer was the first writer to wax lyrical about donuts?

3. Which doughnuts did Voodoo Donuts name “medicinal”?

4. Which east coast city has the most doughnut shops per person?

5. How many donuts are made in the US every year – more or less?

Big Hello: Aa – Venda (South Africa & Zimbabwe) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When I said I wanted to be mysterious and fascinating, I didn't mean medically. --Submitted by INRITH

Image of the Week: This squirrel laid on the top of the chain link fence for at least 5 minutes while I got my phone and finally got the camera up and working.

85 Year Old Protest Song of the Week: When That Man Is Dead And Gone written by Irving Berlin performed by the Glenn Miller orchestra https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4IUesQQKKQ ~~”That man” was Hitler.

Have you thought about therapy for your delusions of grandeur? Yes, but I can't find a therapist who's really good enough. §§ During a time of extreme stress and forced celibacy, convents occasionally became ground zero for mass hysteria. In one famous French convent, a nun started meowing, and soon the entire convent joined in on the caterwauling. It became an organized, daily ritual where they would all meow together at structured times for several hours.

..........What a good place to be.........Housemartins …..Happy Hour

Breaking: The B Sharps featuring Homer Simpson have just pulled out of the Freedom 250 concert.

Moonbeam: The purpose of anthropology is to make the world safe for human differences. --Ruth Benedict

Blasphemy of the Week: Anyone who doesn't understand why freedom of religion should also include freedom from religion, doesn't understand freedom. --https://www.facebook.com/blasphemememes

Coffee Joke of the Week: My coffee isn't a drink. It's a tiny brown restraining order between me and society. https://www.facebook.com/maythecoffeebewithyou

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right...there is a 90% change you'll get it wrong. --Submitted by Laughing Librarian

I need someone to explain why it's always “if you can't pay rent, buy fewer lattes and avocado toasts” and not “if you can't pay employees a living wage, buy fewer yachts and real estate”. §§ Following the exile and death of Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte, Europe experienced a massive surge in "Napoleons." Dozens of men in asylums across France suffered from a delusion of grandeur, firmly believing they were the Emperor himself. These asylums essentially became full-scale royal courts where dozens of Napoleons had to navigate coexisting in the same room.

.........Never blew a second chance..........Rolling Stones …..Happy

Wyld Stallyins (aka Bill and Ted) confirm bogus errors in communication. They will NOT be playing the most heinous Freedom 250 concert.

1) 16 year old sea captain Hanson Gregory was frustrated by the raw dough center so he punched a hole using the spokes of his ship's wheel so the pastry would fry evenly. ~~This was the origin story I grew up with. But I have a problem with it. How did a 16 year old get to a sea captain? Also one source claims Gregory's mother used to make the pastries and send them to the crew.

Almanac: It is Friday June 5, 2026. The moon will enter its 4^th quarter on Monday (6/8) and will also enter Aquarius today. Today is Festival of Popular Delusions Day, HIV Long Term Survivors Awareness Day, Hot Air Balloon Day, International Day for The Fight Against Illegal (Unreported and Unregulated Fishing), National Gun Violence Awareness Day, National Moonshine Day, National Veggie Burgers Day, and World Environment Day. Because it is the first weekend in June it is also Doughnut Day aka Donut Day and Horseradish Days.

Among those born on this day were Thomas Chippendale (1718 – the furniture maker not the stripper), Adam Smith (1723), John Couch Adams (1819), Pancho Villa (1878), John Maynard Keynes (1883), Ruth Benedict (1887), William Boyd (1895), Federico Gracia Lorca (1898), Bill Moyers (1934), Waylon Jennings (1937), Ken Follett (1939), Kenny G (1956), Ron Livingston (1967), and Jack Smith (1969).

On June fifth Denmark became a constitutional monarchy (1849), the US went off the gold standard (1933), the Baker Street Irregulars met for the first time (NYC, 1934), the American Negro Theater organized (1940), Denmark adopted a new constitution (1953), segregation on buses was outlawed nationally (1956), Bobby Kennedy was shot (1968), and the waterfront streetcar began running in Seattle (1982).

Night Sky, 6/5: Jupiter and Venus are tightening up. Mercury is low in the west-northwest right behind them. The Milky Way core rises brightly after midnight.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Ollie, Max and the Big Dice

This Week: Saturday, June 6 – The Belmont Stakes & Drawing or Pencil Day & YoYo Day & National Prairie Day

Sunday, June 7 – National Animal Rights Day & World Caring Day & World Naturist Day

Night Sky, 6/7: Venus moves to within 2.3° of Jupiter.

Monday, June 8 – Ghostbusters Day & Upsy Daisy Day & World Oceans Day & National Best Friends Day

Night Sky, 6/8: Sunrise: 5:55 am CDT Sunset: 8:44 pm CDT (14 Hours and 49 minutes of daylight) Moonrise: 7:24 am CDT Moonset: 4:26 pm CDT

Tuesday, June 9 – Donald Duck Day & International Celtic Art Day & Toy Industry Day

Wednesday, June 10 – AA Founders Day & Ball Point Pen Day & Iced Tea Day

Night Sky, 6/10: Saturn-Moon Conjunction 5° East at midnight Day Sky, 6/10: Arietids Meteor Shower (Daytime) 60-200/hour in Aries. We can't see it, but they will be tracked on various computer sites. https://theskylive.com/meteorshower-daytimearietids

Thursday, June 11 – National Get Outdoors Day & National Making Life Beautiful Day

All my children's children are beautiful and take after their grandmother. §§ Despite the July heat in 1518, Frau Troffea began silently dancing in the streets of Strasbourg, France. She'd kept up her bizarre dance marathon for nearly a week when suddenly other citizens began joining her. Soon the streets were filled with three dozen dancers. By August, an astounding 400 were shimmying and shaking nonstop all over the city.

..........Brush off the clouds and cheer up.........Dick VanDyke & Janet Leigh …..Put On A Happy Face

Gus Polinski (John Candy) just announced that the Kenosha Kickers Polka Band have pulled out of the Great American State Fair.

2) Washington Irving lists the doughnut along with crullers and olykoek as part of the legendary Van Tassel feast.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There was a young lady named Bright, Whose speed was far faster than light. She went out one day, In a relative way, And returned the previous night. --Submitted by Laughing Librarian

Moonbeam: Our faith in the present dies out long before our faith in the future. --Ruth Benedict

Fun Fact of the Week: Happy National Moonshine Day! You've seen cartoons that depict moonshine as a jug with xxx on it. The x's indicate how many times the liquor was processed through the still. The more xs the stronger.

Video of the Week: Segregation on buses was outlawed by the supreme court in 1955. Yet Freedom Riders on interstate buses were nearly murdered in 1961. Here are some of their stories. (3:34)

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward. --John Maynard Keynes

Your extremely delusional beliefs about your nonexistent greatness make you an excellent candidate for immediate psychiatric intervention. §§ In March of 1954 the town of Bellingham in northwest Washington the population began noticing tiny pockmarks on their car windshields. By mid-April, Seattle was reeling from the problem. Theories blamed sand fleas and/or H-bomb fallout. When the police investigated 15,000 cars they found that 5% of the damage was due to hoodlumism and the other 95% was mere hysteria. The damage was due to normal, non-nefarious wear and tear.

That banjo playing kid from Deliverance doesn't see himself going to the Freedom 250 concert.

..........The skies above are clear again.........Barbra Streisand …..Happy Days Are Here Again

3) Portland, Oregon-based Voodoo Doughnut is famous for its wild doughnut flavors. For a while, the doughnut shop even offered NyQuil- and Pepto Bismol-coated doughnuts (the latter were dipped in Pepto Bismol, sprinkled with Tums, and marketed to customers who’d had too much to drink and wanted a snack that was easy on the stomach). The doughnut shop was eventually forced to retire its medicinal flavors after the FDA stepped in.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You can not use someone else's map to find yourself. --Submitted by ma of va

Weird Word of the Week: Mellisonant: something that is sweet and pleasing to the ear. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/mellisonant

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Boost a compost bin. Pouring flat Coca-Cola into the compost pile helps jumpstart the micro-organisms. The Real Thing increases the acidity and the sugar feeds the micro-organisms increasing the organic matter in the compost. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola2.html

I live in a delusional world dipped in chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate §§ Doctor, I have a terrible problem. Every time I eat chocolate, I suffer from the delusion that the candy bar is magically multiplying! Don't worry, that's just a classic case of Obsessive Chocolate Disorder.

I heard neither Lawrence Welk nor his bubble machine will be at the Freedom 250 Great American State Fair.

...........No such thing as gone too far.........Blake Sheldon …..Happy Anywhere

4) Boston, MA has a donut shop for every 2,480 in the city.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw shit. --Stephen King

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Narrativity 2025 (4-7, Plymouth, MN) A Convention for the Art and Craft of Writing https://www.narrativity.fun/Audio

Audio of the Week: The Bootstrap Boys: All You Fascists Bound To Lose https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAcMfCvX3Qs

Spark of Joy of the Week: The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. --Thich Nhat Hanh

A friend accused me of being delusional. I almost fell off my unicorn. §§ I aspire to be as delusional as a vegan ordering a cauliflower chicken wing. They put the lemon pepper on there and look you dead in the eye, fully believing they are biting into a buffalo wing. I love optimism!

Vanilla Ice wants to bring back the 90s...Unfortunately, Trump wants them to be the 1890s. --Tom Kitchen Jr

..........Now I'm havin' so much fun..........Blood Sweat and Tears …..You Make Me So Very Happy

5) Over 10 billion donuts are made every year in the US.

Protest Sign of the Week: Stop Watching Start Acting

Quote of the Week: You guys....we made it all up. ALL of it. Everything. Money. Bills. Gender. Capitalism. Femininity. Masculinity. Body image. The 5 day workweek. Three meals a day. School. College. Fashion, Expectations. Institutions. Holidays. Traditions. Literally every single thing that we take for granted as “just the way it's done” is f*cking made up and I just feel like it's really important that we remember that. --mamaoffthegrid --Submitted by TPWJS

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The delusion of MAGA is they think kicking out immigrants will make capitalism work again. The delusion of liberals is they think electing a Democrat president will make capitalism work again. They're both wrong. The world is in decay because capitalism only works for the rich. --Power to the People --Submitted by cjj of ks

Today's Peace of History: June 5, 1972: Jane Briggs Hart, the wife of Senator Philip A. Hart (D-Michigan), informed the Internal Revenue Service that she wouldn’t pay some of her taxes; instead, she deposited her quarterly estimated tax of $6,200 in a special bank account. She wrote: "I cannot contribute one more dollar toward the purchase of more bombs and bullets.

But you don't have delusions. The idea that you have them is merely a delusion. §§ When the overly confident donkey looked into the mirror she saw a majestic lioness. By the way, she had a serious self-perception delusion.

The fart sound made from a hand in the armpit has announced it will not perform at Trump's 250^th concert. --Submitted by cj of ks

..........When whatever here is done.........Bruce Springsteen …..Happy

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, June 5, 2026: Deluded ePistle . Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: I long to speak out the intense inspiration that comes to me from the lives of strong women. --Ruth Benedict

Cost of War:

Pentagon Spending as of 6/04/26: $689,074,081,940

Pentagon Spending as of 6/01/26: $680,101,472,407 ~~That comes to 2 billion, 253 million, 152 thousand 383 dollars and 25 cents EVERY DAY in just 4 days.

Pentagon Spending in May 2026: $87,601,145,719

An additional 7 and one half billion more than last month.

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/category/military/

Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone. --John Maynard Keynes

Famous Last Words: This Act shall come into operation at the same time as the Constitution of the Kingdom of Denmark Act, 5th June, 1953. --Danish Constitution of 1953

The Von Trapp family announced that they have been through this before and they will not be performing at the Freedom 250 concert.

..........Until we meet again.........Roy Rogers …..Happy Trails

Life is too short to have anything but delusional notions about yourself. --Gene Simmons §§ Don't Humor Me! I'm Delusional!

May your Peace be real

And your Joy be solid

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

What ePistle?

Famous First Words: Anno Domini 1630: march 29, mundaye. --John Winthrop's History of New England

May is Mystery Month! Armed and humorous: Beware! Jokes here may be criminally funny. ... My Agatha Christie themed bakery only sells mystery muffins; you never know what's inside, a real who doughnut.

..........I'm trying to explain.........Melissa Etheridge …..I'm the Only One

The liberties of a people never were, nor ever will be secure, when the transactions of their rulers may be concealed from them. --Patrick Henry

It is a rainy Friday morning. The sky is a solid white with the very occasional wisp of a gray idea of a cloud sailing under it wafted by a breeze that barely moves the tree branches. Those branches are filled with birds. I can see them on the tops of the willow trees that have been stripped of leaves by the intense winds of 2026. Yet there is little birdsong in the air. Instead I hear motor cars and a distant siren. 68°F is cool but muggy from the light drizzle. Veronica was reluctant to lay her little cat paws on the wet concrete of the patio. Puck had already been out, did his business, and returned immediately shaking tiny water drops from his fur. Apparently it wore him out since he is now sleeping deeply and snoring lightly. Now and then I can hear a drop of rain on the chimney but mostly the world is silent and I get to sit, to sip my coffee, and to write to you. What a morning!

Hope your weekend unfolds before you like a clever mystery, Armchair Sleuths.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: OK, hear me out: An old-fashioned candy necklace but with tums and ibuprofen. --Submitted by ks of ks

Another year, another crime scene of fun. … If I had a bookstore, I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.

..........Can't you see I'm out of control.........Melissa Etheridge …..Bring Me Some Water

Trivia Questions: Happy 178^th Birthday to Wisconsin?

1. We all know Wiscosin is “America's Dairyland”. Do you know any other of its nicknames?

2. Which motorcycle company began in and is headquartered in Milwaukee, WI?

3. Which American Indian tribes make up the majority of the native the population?

4. What imaginary Wisconsin town does Barbie hail from?

5. What or where or how much was the record snowfall that earned Wisconsin the name The Frozen Tundra?

Big Hello: Assalomu Alaykum – Uzbek ( https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The president and the vice president starring in a live action Beavis and Butthead movie. --Submitted by Catsonacouch

Image of the Week: This is one of 10,000 postcards that will be mailed to Kansas voters in June. In the 1950s the Kansas Supreme Court was so corrupt that the constitution was changed to selection of judges by a committee dedicated to good law not big money. Now Kansas republicans want to change it back ~~ My guess is because they didn't like the way the entire state voted on the abortion issue; so they want to be able to overturn voter decisions by buying judges.

Geezer Joke of the Week: I'm so old that I'm still kind of scared to put spaces in files names. --Jason K Pargin --Submitted by UUHS

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change the bulb, and the other to give it an unusual twist at the end. … That new detective who seems to solve crimes by accident is called Sheer Luck Holmes.

..........Longing for home again.........Melissa Etheridge …..Breathe

Moonbeam: The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. --John F Kennedy, Jr

Blasphemy of the Week: Both the Bible and Quran tell us to love one another. The Kama Sutra is a bit more specific...and has caused ZERO wars. https://www.facebook.com/churchoftheeternalsinner

Coffee Joke of the Week: At work we call coffee break fluid.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: There is no “we” in chocolate. --Submitted by Writers, Readers and General Tomfoolery

Some mystery person keeps adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens. … Ghosts would make great detectives. They can see right through people.

..........Well show a little faith, there's magic in the night.........Melissa Etheridge …..Thunder Road

1) Wisconsin has 7 other nicknames, but a couple seem like repeats. 1) America's Dairyland 2) Badger State 3) The Copper State 4) The Forward State 5) Cheese State 6) Dairy State 7) The Frozen Tundra

Almanac: It is Friday, May 29, 2026. The moon will be full on Sunday (5/31, Blue) and is in Scorpio. The United Nations has declared this International Day of UN Peacekeepers. Today is Learn About Composting Day, National 529 Day, National Alligator Day, and Put a Pillow on Your Fridge Day. Because it is the last Friday in May it is Heat Awareness Day.

Among those born on this day were Charles II (1630), Louis Daubenton (1716), Patrick Henry (1736), Ebenezer Butterick (1826), Hans Makart (1840), Alfonsina Storni (1892), Bob Hope (Leslie Townes,1903), Neil R. Jones (1909), John F. Kennedy (1917), Al Unser (1939), Danny Elfman (1953), LaToya Jackson (1956), Annette Bening (1958), and Melissa Etheridge (1961).

On May twenty-ninth Winthrop began writing 'History of New England" (1630), Rhode Island became the last of the the original 13 colonies to ratify the Constitution (1790), Wisconsin became the 30th state (1848), the current constitution of Switzerland took effect (1874), Frank "Home Run" Baker hit his first career home run (1909), the Supreme Court exempted baseball from antitrust laws (1922), Crosby recorded "White Christmas" (1942), Hillary and Norgay reached the summit of Everest (1953), de Gaulle formed a French government (1959), "Truth in Lending" became law (1968), A J Foyt won the Indianapolis 500 for a record 4th time (1977), 1st class postage rose to 15 cents (1978), and Russia elected Yeltsin (1990).

Night Sky, 5/29: The gibbous moon is 90% illuminated and sits 2°-3° from bright, orange-red Antares, the star at the “heart of the scorpion”.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Waiting for the ferry

This Week: Saturday, May 30 – International Day of the Potato & National Creativity Day & the Anniversary of the Indianapolis 500 auto race. (1911)

Sunday, May 31 – National Smile Day & Save Your Hearing Day & World Parrot Day

Night Sky, 5/31: Tau Herculids Meteor Shower peaks after midnight. Called a “modest” meteor shower.

Monday, June 1 – National Go Barefoot Day & World Reef Awareness Day & Oscar the Grouch Day

Tuesday, June 2 – National VW Bus Day & National Gun Violence Awareness Day

Night Sky, 6/2: Jupiter enters Cancer Venus and Jupiter are close together in the northwest sky soon after sunset and Mercury is near Venus. They are the 3 brightest stars in the west.

Wednesday, June 3 – World Bicycle Day & National Egg Day & Global Running Day

Night Sky, 6/3: Sunrise: 5:56 am Sunset: 8:42 pm (14 Hours and 46 Minutes of daylight) Moonrise: 11:47 pm Moonset: 8:19 am

Thursday, June 4 – Hug Your Cat Day & National Punk Day & National Cheese Day

I'm writing a mystery novel, or am I? … PP (Possible Plot): Remember, it's only murder if they find a body.

..........My love still lives and breathes.........Melissa Etheridge …..Testify

2) Harley-Davidson's first factory opened in 1903 at 3700 W Juneau Ave and its headquarters is still at that address.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: So Orange Julius Caesar and the Pope are standing on the balcony and the Pope says “with one wave of my hand I can make this crowd go crazy cheering.” Trump says, “No way, that's impossible.” The Pope says “Can too” Trump says, “OK, prove it.” So the Pope slaps him.

Moonbeam: There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction. --John F Kennedy, Jr

Fun Facts of the Week: It's Learn About Composting Day. George Washington is best known as a Founding Father and the President of the USA. What’s not as well known was that he had an early appreciation for the soil – abandoning the cultivation of tobacco because it ruined the fertility of the land- and was an avid composter, performing experiments to find the best way to turn dung into compost. In his quest for fertility, Washington pursued numerous experiments and even constructed a stercorary or “dung repository” specifically designed for composting. ~~The man ran a shit library. You can't say you didn't learn something about composing today. https://www.compostmagazine.com/composting-facts/

Video of the Week: Bing Crosby singing White Christmas from the movie Holiday Inn (3:01) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJ36gbGlm8Y

I have many anxieties for our commonwealth, principally occasioned by the depreciation of our money. --Patrick Henry

Sherlock Holmes was always reluctant to take credit for solving a mystery. Oh, it was nothing, he would say. The police would have solved it in time. Everyone knew he was just being modest. Be he ever so humble, there's no police like Holmes.

..........Go on and close your eyes, imagine me there.........Melissa Etheridge …..Similar Features

3) 1: Chippewa 2: Potawatomi 3: Ho-Chunk 4: Menominee 5: Oneida 6: Mohican All have real estate and communities in Wisconsin.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. https://www.facebook.com/embodypeaceandlove

Weird Word of the Week: halation: The halo-like effect produced by light in photographs. https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/halation

Dragon of the Week: ~~Seems like a lot of work for a cat bed.

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Get rid of fruit flies. Use an electric drill with a one-quarter inch bit to drill a hole in the cap of a two liter Coke bottle. Leave one inch of Coke (not diet or caffeine-free) in the bottom of the bottle, and set outside. Fruit flies will crawl into the bottle to enjoy the Real Thing, but won't be able to get back out. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola2.html

The NSW Police have found a large number of dead crows on the Sturt Highway just outside Wagga Wagga early this morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with motorbikes, while only 2% were killed by cars. The investigators then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of motorbike kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat roadkill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "bike".

...........wait by the light of the moon.........Melissa Etheridge …..Come to My Window

4) Barbie hails from Willows, WI. If you are an aficionado a tour of the Fennimore Doll and Toy Museum might be a fun day out.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: They gave him a colonoscopy and found half of congress. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61576677326539

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: ConCarolinas 2026 (29-31, Charlotte, NC) ...artists, authors, gamers, and geeks... https://concarolinas.org/

Unknown Origin of the Week: Every man has a natural right to be stupid. But Dwight McDonald abuses the privilege. ~~Of uncertain origin, (originally attributed to Trotsky) but always applicable. Just fill in the name that fits. --Submitted by lh of ks

Spark of Joy of the Week: I can't think of a group of people who need to watch Sesame Street MORE than the Republican party. --Jon Stewart

There's a chicken writing mystery novels. She calls herself Eggatha Christie. … Agatha Christie would write one mystery novel after another without pause until her arms ached. She was diagnosed with marple tunnel syndrome

..........To hell with the consequence.........Melissa Etheridge …..I Want to Come Over

5) In the winter of 1996-97 a record 277.7 inches of snow fell in Hurley, WI.

Protest Sign of the Week: WE ALL LOST THE ELECTION ~~Offices of Sen Moran, Olathe, KS 5/22/26

Quote of the Week: Those who invited me to speak always pointed out that we were to be commended for our breadlines and our charity to the poor, rather than for our attempts to achieve justice through the nonviolent weapon of the strike. --Dorothy Day

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I just wanted to let you know that if we were both birds, I would still want to be your friend so we could poop on people together. --Submitted by bu of ks

Today's Peace of History: May 29, 1932: In the depths of the Great Depression, the “Bonus Expeditionary Force,” a group of 1000 World War I veterans seeking to cash in their veterans’ bonus certificates, arrived in Washington, D.C. Though issued to the veterans in 1924, the certificates were not scheduled to be paid until 1945. By mid-June, the vets had set up a massive “Hooverville,” a contemporary term for an encampment of the homeless.

A prison mystery: Why were you sent to prison? Bribery And how did you get out after just a month? What do you think? ... There was a mystery involving an officer worker and a small bag. It was a brief case.

..........Something's gotta give somewhere.........Melissa Etheridge …..All American Girl

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, May 29, 2026: What ePistle? Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. --John F Kennedy, Jr

Cost of War:

Pentagon Spending as of 5/28/26 $669,094,565,457 ...That's 19 billion, 957 million, 663 thousand 715 dollars spent this week. What have we bought with it?

Pentagon Spending as of 5/21/26: $649,136,901,742

Pentagon Spending as of 5/14/26: $629,922,819,748

Pentagon Spending as of 5/07/26: $610,538,452,895

Pentagon Spending as of 5/01/26: $592,500,326,688

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $ 81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/category/military/

Number of US casualties since Trump's Iran War began: 423 https://theintercept.com/2026/05/26/us-iran-war-casualties-ceasefire/ (The official number is 13, by the way. https://www.militarytimes.com/news/your-military/2026/04/08/pentagon-data-13-us-troops-killed-346-wounded-in-operation-epic-fury/ )

Number of Iran casualties since Trump's Iran War began: 3,375 also 2,702 in Lebanon, and 28 in various other states https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/3/1/us-israel-attacks-on-iran-death-toll-and-injuries-live-tracker

If this be treason, make the most of it! --Patrick Henry

Famous Last Words: Any money so appropriated shall remain available to the Commission until the date of its expiration, as fixed by section 40G. --Truth In Lending Act passed 5/29/1968

..........Oh, how lovely it was.........Bob Hope …..Thanks for the Memory

We're trying to come up with a name for our flock of mystery solving chickens. Pop calls them the Clue Clucks Clan. … A university creative writing class was assigned a story containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex, and mystery. The prize-winner was, “My God,” said the Queen, “I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is!”

May Peace ever amaze you

And Joy take your breath away

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: Happy National Alligator Day

Bleak** ePistle

Famous First Words: The gravity of the situation which confronts the world today... Harry S Truman, Speech introducing the Truman Doctrine.

Oh, my goth, It's World Goth Day! Goth: romanticizing my existential crisis. … My playlist is so goth it turns the lights off. … Roses are red, violets are blue, my heart is black, and so is my mood.

..........Don't punish me with brutality.........Marvin Gaye …..What's Going On ~~It's National Title Track Day and these are the top ten title track songs picked out by some person or people who are arrogant enough to think they know the ten best title tracks. Starting at #10.

**Bleak: Used to describe music, meaning good, because that's how we like it; ie “Hollow Hills is nice and bleak”. --The Goth Dictionary

The moral development of a civilization is measured by the breadth of its sense of community. --Anatol Rapoport

It is a gray Friday morning. The sky is a solid light gray without texture, without those thin clouds that often float beneath a solid bank of dense humidity. 59°F with very little wind makes the world comfortable for walks or sitting outside or spreading sunflower seeds across the patio for the birds and squirrels and the baby bunny rabbit that lives under the shed. It is quiet now; the crows have moved on and the sparrows are too busy eating breakfast to make much conversation. I stand at the window watching squirrels devour seeds, throw empty shells to the wind, and switch their tails to unheard music. A stick of jasmine incense sends spirals of smoke above my desk and fills the room with serenity and the hope for a pleasant day. So I raise my cup of doctored decaf to you, the reader, and say, Good morning to you and pleasant hours to fill your day.

Hope your weekend is filled with sunshine and color, hippies*. *Hippy is an “opposite” of goth.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Taste your words before you spit them out. Blessed Be! https://www.facebook.com/coexistmystical

Wednesday nights at the local pub is Goth Night. You get 5 points if you can make a Goth smile and 2,500 points if you can make 'em laugh. … The goth chef's secret ingredient is the tears of the misunderstood. … This outfit is so dark it's practically a black hole.

..........We'll run 'til we drop, and we'll never go back.........Bruce Springsteen …..Born To Run

Trivia Questions: It's Sherlock Holmes Day!

1. Do you know what real person Sherlock Holmes was based on?

2. Do you remember Holmes' address?

3. Who gave Holmes his distinctive deerstalker hat?

4. How often, really, did Holmes say “Elementary, my dear Watson” in the books, not the movies?

5. What was Holmes' original name?

Big Hello: Ässalamu äläykum – Uyghur (China) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Interesting....my weather app now refers to rainwater as liquid accumulation. --Submitted by db of ks

Image AND Protest Sign of the Week: Lawrence, KS 5/17/26

Faux Rant of the Week: The realization that apparently millions of people have spent the last 161 years planning in great detail how they can bully a people back into being slaves. Whole lives and lifetimes spent hating people who won't even be born for another century. Life is so wonderful, bright and noisy and moving. What a waste to spend it steeped in hate. To miss a sunset or a rich conversation just to use your energy creating schemes to ruin the lives of people they will never meet. Yikes, buy a vibrator, Karen, or two or several.

Goth today, dramatic forever. … I invited my goth friend to my beach party. She wore SPF 1000. … It's not eyeliner; it's soul liner.

..........I'm a power pack.........AC DC …..Back In Black

Moonbeam: Joy is not in things; it is in us. --Richard Wagner

Blasphemy of the Week: The poor are the ambassadors of God. --Peter Maurin

Coffee Joke of the Week: Worst drink at the goth coffee shop? Crap-uccino

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The Christian notion of the possibility of redemption is incomprehensible to the computer. --Vance Packard

Happy goth: A myth … Gabriel Goth won the school essay contest with “Why Existence Is Overrated”. … My goth grandpa replaced the kings in his chess set with the Grim Reaper.

..........I only wanted one time to see you laughing.........Prince …..Purple Rain

1) Arthur Conan Doyle based Holmes on his teacher, Dr. Joseph Bell, a surgeon at the Royal Infirmary of Edinburgh, who was renowned for using keen observation to diagnose patients.

Almanac: It is Friday, May 22, 2026. The moon will enter its first quarter tomorrow (5/23) and is in Leo. The United Nations has declared this International Day for Biological Diversity. It is also Canadian Immigrants Day, Dandelion Day, Harvey Milk Day, International Being You Day, National Craft Distillery Day, National Maritime Day, Sherlock Holmes Day, US Colored Troops Day, US Maritime Day, Walk Safely to School Day, World Goth Day, and World Paloma Day. Because it's the fourth Friday it is also National Title Track Day. And the Friday before Memorial Day makes it Don't Fry Day, National Cooler Day, and National Wig Out Day. Finally Memorial Day Weekend includes National Polka Day and National Road Trip Day.

Among those born on this day were Ram Mohan Roy (1772), Richard Wagner (1813), Mary Cassatt (1844), Arthur Conan Doyle (1859), Robert Gordon Sproul (1891), Laurence Olivier (1907), Anatol Rapoport (1911), Vance Packard (1914), T Boone Pickens (1928), Richard Benjamin (1938), Bernie Taupin (1950), and Naomi Campbell (1970).

On May twenty-second the Peace of Goulet began (1200), the first atlas was published (1570), the first life insurance policy was issued (1761), the first public library opened (CT, 1803), the Associated Press organized (1900), the Truman Doctrine went into effect (1947), Bob Dylan was Bar Mitzvahed (Robert Zimmerman, 1954), the last "Bob Hope Show" aired on tv (1956), Willie Stargel hit 3 home runs, a double and a single (1968), Ceylon became the Republic of Sri Lanka (1972), Windows 3.0 was released (1990), and Johnny Carson did his last Tonight Show (1992).

Night Sky, 5/22: The waxing moon is 38% illuminated and is moving through the constellation Leo after sunset. In the early morning hours the moon will be halfway between Saturn and Venus.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Heck's Angels

This Week: Saturday, May 23 – World Turtle Day & National Learn to Swim Day & World Fish Migration Day

Sunday, May 24 – Brother's Day & Morse Code Day & Neighbor Day & Yucatan Shrimp Day

Night Sky, 5/24: Venus sets at 11:06 pm in the west northwest. Jupiter follows at 12:12 am

Monday, May 25 – Cookie Monster's Birthday & Memorial Day & Towel Day & National Tap Dance Day

Tuesday, May 26 – National Paper Airplane Day & Women's Golf Day & World Lindy Hop Day

Wednesday, May 27 – Joe Cool Day & World Otter Day & National Senior Health and Fitness Day

Night Sky, 5/27: Sunrise: 5:59 am Sunset: 8:37 (14 Hours and 37 minutes of daylight.) Moonrise: 9:43 pm Moonset: 10:30 am

Thursday, May 28 – Amnesty International Founders Day & Sierra Club Day & US Border Patrol Day

My glow up is entirely matte black. … My goth alarm clock doesn't ring; it whispers discouraging words. … I'm so goth my aura is 99% midnight.

..........The ice age is comin', the sun's zoomin' in.........The Clash …..London Calling

2) 221 Baker Street: There is no 221B Baker St in London. There was no 221B Baker St. in late 1880 when Sir Arthur Conan Doyle created Holmes, and technically speaking, there is still no such address. Today, you can find The Sherlock Holmes Museum at 221B Baker Street. However, physically, the museum sits between 237 and 241 Baker Street.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: T-shirt with Mike Johnson's picture and caption: Because Trump can't lick his own balls.

Moonbeam: The outstanding feature of behavior is that it is often quite easy to recognize but extremely difficult or impossible to describe with precision. --Anatol Rapoport

Fun Facts of the Week: It's National Unicycle Week (17-23). There are about one million people in the US who can ride a unicycle. Frederick Myers patented the “velocipede” in 1869 and Battista Scuri patented his unicycle in 1881 using the same name. But once people began calling two-wheelers bicycles the unicycle got its true name.

Video of the Week: Billy Bragg singing Woody's All You Fascists Bound To Lose https://youtu.be/SFPL97m2dsw

Women should be someone and not something. --Mary Cassatt

I'm so goth, I shit bats. … Goth diet: black coffee, black licorice, black despair. … My personality is 50% sarcasm, 50% cemetery chic.

..........Something evil's lurking from the dark.........Michael Jackson ….Thriller

3) The hat that we immediately picture Sherlock Holmes in was never once mentioned by Doyle in the novels. So then where did this distinguished image of the detective in a deerstalker come from? Sidney Paget. Works by illustrator Sidney Paget were published alongside a few of Doyle’s short stories in Strand magazine in the late 1800s. She created the look that we all know best.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I just uttered the phrase “struggling to exercise good discernment regarding sharing his opinions”, so if you're ever wondering what “that jack*** needs to shut the f***up” sounds like in Quaker, now you know. --@LeeFlower --Submitted by UUHS

Weird Word of the Week: Flâneur: A person who walks the city streets with no particular purpose, often just observing and experiencing the city life. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fl%C3%A2neur

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Strip paint off metal patio furniture. Cover the spot you wish to strip for one week with a bath towel saturated with Coca-Cola. Add more Coke every day to keep the towel wet. The paint strips right off. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola2.html ~~And we drink this stuff.

I'm so goth, I wear sunglasses at night to avoid the moonlight. … My playlist is so goth, even Spotify needed a therapy session. … I wear black because it matches my thoughts.

...........all the people livin' life in peace.........John Lennon …..Imagine

4) Unfortunately, that famous line that Holmes supposedly says all the time, “Elementary, my dear Watson,” was also fiction, just like his cap. The character did in fact say “Elementary” and “my dear Watson” both separately, at separate times. However they were never spoken all at once by Holmes in the pages of Doyle’s books.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it. --Dorothy Parker

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Midwest Conquest 2026 (22-24, Raytown, MO) Hosted by The Heroic Morale 40K Club https://www.midwestconquest.com/

Updated Title of the Week: Alexandre Dumas: The Count of Dodgy Crypto --Christopher Ramsay

Spark of Joy of the Week: The horrors persist but so do libraries, books, iced coffee, sunsets, trees, the word “fuck”, the moon, and the sea. --Nadine Antoinette --Submitted by MMS

Goth: Sad but aesthetically pleasing. … Too goth to function, too cute to care. … My wardrobe is so dark, it absorbs light bulbs.

..........This could be heaven or this could be hell.........The Eagles …..Hotel California

5) Doyle originally named his beloved detective “Sherrinford.” Thankfully, Doyle’s love for cricket is what led him to “Sherlock.” The author renamed the character after one of his favorite cricket players.

Irony of the Week: Congress is making a strong case that minimum wage should start at $174,000/year –Fight for a Union --Submitted by Catsonacouch ~~Protest Sign OTW was cruelly yanked from its customary spot and fused with image of the week.

Quote of the Week: Give us a peace that dares us to be wise. Give us a peace that dares us to be strong... Give Us Our Peace by Langston Hughes who died May 22, 1967 This is my favorite Peace Poem.

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Dinosaurs died out and their bodies turned into oil over millions of years. Humans pumped up that oil and refined it into plastic, and then used that plastic to manufacture toy dinosaurs. --Submitted by Club42

Today's Peace of History: May 22, 1968: Federal marshals entered Boston’s Arlington Street Unitarian-Universalist Church to arrest Robert Talmanson, who had been convicted of refusing induction into the U.S. Armed Forces. He had been offered sanctuary there by the leaders of the church who shared his opposition to the Vietnam War. When the marshals tried to remove him, access to their car was blocked by 200-300 nonviolent sanctuary supporters.

I'm so goth that I don't buy black clothes; I just put them on and they turn black. ... Everyone wants a goth girl friend until they realize we basically only look like Queens of the Night 10% of the time; the rest is spent lurking around in Nightmare Before Christmas pajamas and hissing until we get snacks.

..........And keep your eyes wide the chance won't come again..........Bob Dylan …..The Times They Are A'changin'

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, May 22, 2026: Bleak** ePistle. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: The actor should be able to create the universe in the palm of his hand. --Laurence Olivier

Cost of War:

Pentagon Spending as of 5/21/26: $649,136,901,742 This week: 19 billion 214 million 81 thousand 994 dollars for war.

Pentagon Spending as of 5/14/26: $629,922,819,748

Pentagon Spending as of 5/07/26: $610,538,452,895

Pentagon Spending as of 5/01/26: $592,500,326,688

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $ 81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/category/military/

To abuse and insult, is inconsistent with reason and justice. --Ram Mohan Roy

Famous Last Words: Good night everybody! ...Final words of the the final The Late Show with Stephen Colbert 5/21/26

..........Sit back and let the evening go.........The Beatles …..Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

I'll stop wearing black when they make a darker color. ... All my jokes are cries for help. … I don't smile often but when I do, it's sarcastic.

May Peace brighten your days

And Joy light up your nights

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: