Go ePistle Go

Famous First Words: It's alright. You can come out now. –-Billie Burke as Glinda the Good Witch in The Wizard of Oz

August is National Cheerleading Safety Month. Cheerleader: I Do My Own Stunts ѦѦ My dog thinks he's a cheerleader. He's a pompomeranian.

..........all the people, living life in peace.........John Lennon …..Imagine

There are no warlike people, just warlike leaders. --Ralph Bunche

When I got up, less than an hour ago, the world was a funny color. I don't know how to describe it – yellow, perhaps, or a non-color like glowing or dawn. Now the sky is totally hidden by clouds. Wind is picking up and waving the pom pom tops of the willows like the game is tied in the last few seconds. The neighbors hammack is nearly horizontal like a flag. Predictions expect a little rain for an hour, starting soon, and stopping well before noon. Everything is green, not just the tree leaves and the regularly watered lawns, but everything – surviving hollyhocks, unwatered grass, baby trees. In fact only the tall stalks of catnip seem dry and done. The rabbit and the three squirrels on the back patio nibbling away seem to be watching the weather, looking towards the sky, sniffing the air. It makes for a morning of motion and excitement. But not nearly as exciting as writing to you.

Hope your weekend is worth cheering about, ePistlers.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: You know what they say, if you weird enough people out, eventually you're bound to weird a few of them in. --thisoneOverhere https://www.facebook.com/JonathanEdwardDurham

Herkimer was so ugly he was a cheerleader at an online university. ѦѦ Well, she lead her résumé with the fact that she was head cheerleader in high school.

..........When peace like a river attendeth my way.........Spafford & Bliss …..It Is Well With My Soul

Trivia Questions: Happy Birthday to the Peace Bridge!

1. From where and/or to where does the Peace Bridge go?

2. How long did it take to build the Peace Bridge?

3. Which officials attended the dedication?

4. What was special about the historic broadcast of the dedication?

5. Is the Peace Bridge a toll bridge?

Big Hello: Hej – Westrobothnian (Sweden) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's not gray hair that reveals my age. It's my use of complete sentences and punctuation when I text. --Submitted by rl of ca

Image of the Week: 2 bunnies & 2 squirrels – eventually there were 3 rabbits, 4 squirrels and 3 birds

Bella was so good at cheerleading that she set up a personal cheerleader business. People hired her to cheer for them at work. ѦѦ Cheerleader: Warning I Might Flip

..........Put a song in our heart..........Eddie Money …..Peace In Our Time

Moonbeam: To die, to sleep, to pass into nothingness, what does it matter. Everything is an illusion. --Mata Hari

Blasphemy of the Week: Every religion has three things: special hats, suspiciously specific snacks, and one guy who has completely misunderstood the assignment. --Submitted by Blasphemy Memes

Coffee Joke of the Week: Coffee: I'm awake. That's as far as this miracle goes.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: In the near future, AI is going to tell a woman that she is wrong and to calm down...and that, my friends, will be the end of AI. --Aunty Acid --Submitted by cp of ks

I was born to Lead Cheers. I am forced to work. ѦѦ The town's high school basketball team only bothered to show up for the cheerleaders.

..........A light to guide you through the dark.........The Eagles …..I Wish You Peace

1) The Peace Bridge is an international crossing from Buffalo, NY to Fort Erie, Ontario. It spans 5,800 feet across the Niagara River.

Almanac: It is Friday, August 7, 2026. The moon entered its last quarter on Wednesday (8/5) and is in Gemini. Today is Lighthouse Day, Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day, Professional Speakers Day, Purple Heart Day, and US Postal Inspection Service Day. Because it is the first Friday in August it is also Braham Pie Day aka Homemade Pie Day, International Beer Day, National Water Balloon Day, and Tomboy Tools Day. Because it is the first full Weekend it is Twins Day.

Among those born on this day were Contantius II ( 317), Georg Stiernhielm (1598), Mata Hari (1876), Billie Burke (1885), Louis Leakey (1903), Ralph Bunche (1904), Stan Freberg (1926), Jenny Craig (1932), Jerry Pournelle (1933), Helen Caldicott (1938), Garrison Keillor (1942), Robert Mueller (1944), David Duchovny (1960), and Charlize Theron (1975).

On August seventh Columbus arrived in the Caribbean (1498), Kepler's mother was arrested for witchcraft (1620), The US War Department was established (1789), Potatoes were first planted in Hawaii (1820), The Peace Bridge (US & Canada) was dedicated (1927), The first computer chess tournament was held (1970), and The Apollo 15 returned to Earth (1971).

Night Sky, 8/7: If you can get away from light pollution, the Milky Way is beautiful in the southern sky.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: The boys meet R2D2

This Week: Saturday, August 8 – Dalek Day, International Cat Day & Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor's Porch Night

Night Sky, 8/8: The pre-dawn planets are Mercury & Venus & Jupiter.

Sunday, August 9 – Bagel Day & Book Lovers Day & Smokey Bear's Birthday & Global Sleep Under the Stars Night

Monday, August 10 – Agent Orange Awareness Day & Paul Bunyan Day & Smithsonian Day & World Lion Day

Night Sky, 8/10: Sunrise: 6:29 am Sunset: 8:23 pm 13 hours and 53 minutes of daylight. Moonrise: 4:58 am Moonset: 7:56 pm

Tuesday, August 11 – National Hip Hop Day & Popsicle Day & Global Kinetic Sand Day & World Steelpan Day

Night Sky, 8/11: 1^st night of the Perseid meteor shower peak. 50-100 meteors/hour.

Wednesday, August 12 – Middle Child Day & Milkman Day & Vinyl Records Day & World Elephant Day

Night Sky, 8/12: 2^nd night of the Perseid meteor shower peak. 50-100 meteors/hour.

Thursday, August 13 – International Lefthanders Day & International Wolf Day & National Prosecco Day

Night Sky, 8/13: Final night of the Perseid meteor shower peak.

Talk about spirit, Hogwarts has an All Ghost Cheerleading Squad. ѦѦ Cheerleaders spell a lot. Maybe they should cheer at the Spelling Bee. Wait, would that be cheating?

..........Give me peace on earth.........George Harrison …..Give Me Love

2) The Peace Bridge groundbreaking began on 8/17/1925 and the bridge officially opened June 1, 1927. So, it took just under 2 years to build. It was dedicated on 8/7/1927.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: People blame the devil for everything, Sometimes Satan didn't hide your keys. Sometimes you put them in the refrigerator while holding a yogurt. --Submitted by Blasphemy Memes

Moonbeam: Superstition shall cease; the madness of sacrifices shall be abolished. --Constantius II

Fun Facts of the Week: The Oyster Awards were a satirical creation by Consumer Reports launched in the mid-2000 aughts to shame products with the hardest-to-open, most frustrating plastic clamshell packaging. The awards were named after the hard-to-crack mollusk to highlight extreme "wrap rage" . Oral-B Sonic Complete Toothbrush Kit (2007 Winner): Took over three minutes to open with a box cutter, leaving a table full of sharp plastic shards because scissors could not grip the tight seams. Bratz Sisterz Dolls (2007 Contender): Required nearly 8.5 minutes to open, featuring an astounding 50 separate restraints including rubber bands, tape, and molded plastic covers.

Video of the Week: Ralph Bunche was the first black man to receive a Nobel Peace Prize: Here's his story on MSNBC (5:00)

Horrible Pun of the Week: Can a bad altarnator cause the Catholic converter to go bad? --Submitted by Wittenburg Door

It is only by patient, persistent, undismayed effort...that peace can be won. --Ralph Bunche

If all the cheerleaders were laid end to end I wouldn't be surprised. --Thanks to Dorothy Parker ѦѦ Jewels and Jim were flyers on the cheer squad at my high school and they both became astronauts because they had already spent all that time floating around in space.

..........Dreamin' about the world as one.........Yusuf aka Cat Stevens …..Peace Train

3) The dedication was High-profile with US Vice President, Charls G Dawes, British Prime Minister, Stanley Baldwin, Canadian Prime Minister, W L Mackenzie King, and the Prince of Wales (Future Edward VIII) Prince George attending.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: When am I next free, you ask? I'm forever incarcerated in my own personal flesh prison so I am never truly “free”, but I don't have plans on Wednesday. --Submitted by MMS

Weird Word of the Week: Cornobble (v) – to slap or beat another person with a fish. https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cornobble

Dragon of the Week: Mosaic and artist

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean road film from a car windshield. Open a can or bottle of Coca-Cola, pour the Real Thing over the grease and grime on the windshield, being careful not to let the Coca-Cola come in contact with the paint. Then rinse clean with water. (It's okay to drink but not to touch the paint?????) https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola3.html

Cheerleader: Able to count and spell at an early age. ѦѦ They used to call him Banana because he was the only one that could do the splits.

...........Allen Ginsberg, Hare Krishna.........The Plastic Ono Band …..Give Peace A Chance

4) The Peace Bridge dedication was simultaneously transmitted by radio in both countries, marking one of the earliest international joint radio broadcasts.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Not only are we denying you tenure – we're closing your department and setting the entire university of fire just to be safe. --Elizabeth Boleman-Herring

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Rebel Scum Con 2026 (7-9, Frisco, TX) Don't miss your chance to be part of the action.

Whatever This Is of the Week: Well, I found a CD player and the CD marked ePistle 07 was blank.

Spark of Joy of the Week: If you smoke weed, you get high. If you read books, you get educated. If you do both you get …... Highly Educated. –-https://www.facebook.com/TheHobbitHoleAtArchInn

After every game every cheerleader would come to the Cozy Cafe and say, “Give me a Tea!” ѦѦ It feels like if you know ten cheerleaders, twelve of them have a “worlds” ring from Orlando.

..........Let's get together and feel right.........Bob Marley & the Wailers …..One Love

5) After several years of paying one-way tolls already, new toll facilities were installed on the Canadian side as of January 20, 2002, the Peace Bridge became the first E-Z Pass facility outside the United States. The average car toll is $4. There are no fees for entering the US.

Protest Sign of the Week: Sorry For Being Weird. This Is My First Dictatorship

Quote of the Week: Better sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian. --Herman Melvinne (b. 8/1/1819)

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Breaking: A brand new “Christian men's gym” in Georgia that bans women so pious men can have “lust-free workouts” lasted just 6 days before three men were caught “violating Leviticus in the locker room.” --Ohwoisme https://www.facebook.com/groups/288544190546353/user/100011096044205/

Today's Peace of History: August 7, 1995: Four experienced Plowshares activists, Michele Naar-Obed, Erin Sieber and Rick Sieber, hammered and poured their blood on the USS Greeneville, a fast-attack submarine in production at the Newport News, Virginia, shipyard.

What do you think of classifying cheerleading as a sport? Fine with me, now that “you throw like a girl” has been discredited. ѦѦ If cheerleading were easy, they'd call it football.

..........Come on, people, now smile on your brother.........The Youngbloods …..Get Together

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, August 7, 2026: Go ePistle Go. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Teachers, I believe, are the most responsible and important members of society because their professional efforts affect the fate of the earth. --Helen Caldicott

Cost of War: Pentagon Spending 8/6/26: $864,530,913,011 ~~Sixteen billion, Seven hundred and fifty-four million, Four hundred and fifty-five thousand, Nine hundred dollars spent in one week.

Pentagon Spending 8/1/26: $847,776,457,111

You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. --Indira Gandhi

Pentagon Spending in July 2026: $85,053,017,282

Pentagon Spending in June 2026: $82,621,957,422

Pentagon Spending in May 2026: $87,601,145,719

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

To make our way, we must have firm resolve, persistence, and tenacity. We must gear ourselves to work hard all the way. We can never let up. --Ralph Bunche

Famous Last Words: ...heretofore established by the United States Congress' assembled. --Act Creating the Department of War 8/7/1898

..........A time for peace, I swear it's not too late.........The Byrds …..Turn! Turn! Turn!

Cheerleader: I don't need an hour long game to prove what I do is a sport. Give me two minutes and thirty second and I'll blow your mind. ѦѦ Cheerleader: jumps 20 feet in the air, defies gravity, does 10 backflips, defeats Voldemort, comes back to a perfect landing while fireworks go off in the background. Me: Falls on my face trying to put my socks on.

May Peace surround you

And Joy enfold you

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

ePistle sPelled

Famous First Words: Yes, Aunt Petunia --First words spoken by Harry Potter in The Sorcerer's Stone

It's Harry Potter Day. Both J K Rowling (1965) and Harry Potter (1980) were born on July 31^st. The Malfoy family tree is a cactus; everyone on it is a prick. Ĩ One of the biggest problems in any school of magic is spelling errors.

..........Deep in the night on a murky brae..........Chorus …..Brigadoon/Once In The Highlands ~~Brigadoon closed at the Ziegfeld Theatre after 581 performance on 7/31/48

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. --Milton Friedman

It is a relatively cool (68°F) Friday morning. Last night's rain left the aroma of damp cement and foliage in the air and it washed the patio clean of shells, sunflower seeds, and peanuts. The sky is clearing to a sparkly blue and a new offering of seeds and nuts are attracting squirrels and birds. Temperatures are creeping up toward unpleasant but aren't there yet. Everything looks shiny and clean; even the blue of the jay and the red of the young cardinal seem cleaner and brighter. Bird song suggests that happy wildlife is enjoying summer's bounty. Even my decaf tastes of summer and heat and over abundance. Such a great morning; and writing to you makes it perfect.

Hope your weekend is magical, fellow muggles.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If “socialism” caused widespread poverty & starvation, Reagan would have flooded the inner-cities with socialism instead of crack cocaine, you idiots. --Terri Aguilar --Submitted by Comrade Punisher

How many wizards does it take to change a light bulb? 2. One to hold the bulb in place and another to spin the room around. Ĩ Yo mama so fat the Sorting Hat put here in the House of Pancakes.

..........That there's a laddie weary and wanderin' free.........Fiona …..Waitin' For My Dearie

Trivia Questions: Wishing you a most Happy, Happy National Orgasm Day!

1. True or False: Orgasm is a natural painkiller?

2. How long does it take the average woman and/or the average man to reach climax?

3. What part(s) of your brain close down during orgasm?

4. What effect does paying attention (mindfulness) have on orgasm?

5. True or False: Orgasms affect your sense of smell? Click Here for 4 more fun facts on the female orgasm

Big Hello: Helô - Welsh https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: They discovered a new species of cat that's like an ocelot but smaller and they DID NOT name it the ocelittle. What are you doing, biologists?? --Gwen C Katz https://www.facebook.com/therealcrediblehulk

Image of the Week: Stitches gone. If anyone asks, it's an old bar fight injury.

Whatever This Is of the Week: The scariest thing about being an English major was looking at the crop of graduate students and realizing that in 20 years they were going to be the people deciding what is good literature and what is just fiction. I am absolutely certain that they would have been the people who claimed James Joyce, the king of run-on sentences, was worthy of the attention of college sophomores.

When Ron got a cold the twins called him ginger ail. ĩ Moaning Myrtle is the only person who is 14 years old but was born 60 years ago.

..........Come ye in the glen..........Chorus …..Down on MacConnachy Square

Moonbeam: Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic –-J K Rowling via Albus Dumbledore

Blasphemy of the Week: If it ain't King James 1611, it ain't Bible. --Submitted by Wittenburg Door

Coffee Joke of the Week: A Poem For Mornings --by N Crosby

Coffee,coffee coffee,

Coffee,

Coffee, coffee,

Everyone shut up.

Coffee.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's easy to think of Ayn Rand as a terrible person with an evil philosophy, but if you've ever read her books you'd know she was also a terrible writer. --Ayn Rand

A quidditch team collectively is called broomers. ĩ So who wants to be the one to tell Snape he should smile more?

..........With bonnie Jean my days will fly.........Charlie …..I'll Go Home With Bonnie Jean

1) According to research published by the International Headache Society, 60% of migraine sufferers experienced moderate or complete relief after an orgasm. As well as helping to shift migraines, female orgasms can also help to increase your pain tolerance. When we orgasm, the body releases oxytocin and other mood-boosting endorphins, which help to increase tolerance of pain.

Almanac: It is Friday, July 31, 2026. The moon was full (Buck) last Wednesday (7/29) and is in Aquarius. Today is National Avocado Day, National Mutt Day, National Orgasm Day, Uncommon Instruments Awareness Day, and World Ranger Day. Because it is the last Friday, it is also National Get Gnarly Day, National Talk in* An Elevator Day, and System Administrator Appreciation Day.

*My various grammar checks could not decide whether it should be on the elevator or in the elevator. I cannot think of a more boring activity than an AI grammar war. Perhaps such a war would destroy both spelling and grammar and free us from the chains being imposed upon us by Gutenberg's press since 1440.

Among those born on this day were Philip the Good (1396), Elmo Roper (1900). Milton Friedman (1912), Bill Todman (1916), Don Murray (1929), Barbara Gittings (1932), Stanley Jaffe (1940), Gary Lewis (1946). Evonne Goolagong Cawley (1951), Bill Berry (1958), Wesley Snipes (1962), J K Rowling (1965), and Harry Potter (1980).

On July thirty-first: Columbus landed on Trinidad (1498). The US prohibited movies & photos of boxing (1912). Idlewild Field was dedicated (1948). The Department of Health, Education & Welfare was created (1953). Chet Huntley retired (1970).

Night Sky, 7/31 : Southern Delta Aquariids & Alpha Capricornids meteor showers will be spitting out 25-30 meteors per hour.

Fraternal Flashback Picture of the Week: Max giving Ollie a bottle – 2020 ~~Too Cute!

This Week: Saturday, August 1 – National Sunflower Day & Lammas Day & Rounds Resounding Day

Sunday, August 2 – Friendship Day & National Coloring Book Day & National Doll Day

Night Sky, 8/2: Pluto is positioned for observation with a good telescope.

Monday, August 3 – National Picnic Day & National Hair Glass Day & Watermelon Day

Tuesday, August 4 – International Clouded Leopard Day & Single Working Women's Day & National Night Out

Night Sky, 8/4: Sunrise: 6:24 am Sunset: 8:20 pm 13 hours and 56 minutes of daylight Moonset: 12:30 pm Moonrise: 11:21 pm

Wednesday, June 5 – Dolly Parton Day & National Oyster Day & National Underwear Day

Thursday, August 6 – Hiroshima Day

Night Sky, 8/6: The moon enters its last quarter and is in Taurus.

The Hogwarts nurse uses Quit-Itch for rashes. ĩ Witches don't get mugged; they get muggled.

..........So take my hand and let's go roamin'..........Tommy …..The Heather On The Hill

2) The average woman needs 20 minutes of stimulation to reach climax, whereas men typically require between 2-10 minutes. It's worth noting, however, that the time it takes to reach orgasm can vary significantly from person to person.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If people can go to prison for lying to Congress, then shouldn't members of Congress go to prison for lying to the people? --Submitted by Catsonacouch

Moonbeam: No, Harry. Even in the wizarding world, hearing voices isn't a good sign. --J K Rowling via Hermione Granger

Fun Fact of the Week: Swiss scientist Fritz Zwicky coined the term “dark matter”, which is impressive; but he also coined the term “spherical bastard” to describe people who are bastards no matter which way you look at them, and I think that should be celebrated more. --Submitted by @iamdad.bsky.social

Video of the Week: The last 4 minutes of the last Huntley-Brinkley Report 7/31/1970 https://x.com/BeschlossDC/status/1289203268262887431

Inflation is the one form of taxation that can be imposed without legislation. --Milton Friedman

Hermione has a sampler in her kitchen that says, “I Solemnly Swear That My Cooking Tastes Good. ĩ Why can't Harry tell the difference between his best friend and his potion pot? They're both cauldron.

..........I'm not. In fact, I shouldna be surprised..........Fiona …..From This Day On

3) A lot happens in your body during orgasm, especially in the brain. It has been shown that when you reach climax, the area behind your left eye, known as the lateral orbitofrontal cortex, shuts down. This is why it's hard to focus on anything else at that moment.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: They moved on from Lindsey Graham's death so quickly you'd think he died in a school shooting. --Submitted by 98%

Weird Word of the Week: Eudaimonia: a state of contentment and happiness that comes from living a meaningful life. https://www.britannica.com/topic/eudaimonia

Dragon of the Week: I have no information about this dragon like where it is or who carved it.

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean insects off a car windshield. Pour a can or bottle of carbonated Coca-Cola over the windshield and squeegee clean. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola3.html

Hermoine: If Harry or Ron see me reading Twilight, I'll never live it down. ĩ Hogwarts students and staff use A Dobby Photoshop to edit their pictures.

...........I thought as I thanked all the stars in the sky..........Tommy …..There But For You Go I

4) According to research published in the Journal of Sexual Research, women's ability to orgasm increased by 30% after taking park in mindfulness programs. Meditation also seems to help.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bumper Sticker: Honk If You Love Peace & Quiet

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Pulpfest 2026 (7/30-8/2, Pittsburgh, PA) Celebrating

Mystery, Adventure, Science Fiction and More... https://pulpfest.com/

First Strange Request of the Last 19 Years: I only have saved electronic ePistles since 2016. I found a cd labelled ePistles '07. Technology has moved on and I no longer have a cd player on my computer. If someone still has one, could you download (upload, transfer, copy) it to a flash disc which I will supply? This was before Bruce's transplant when he was so sick. My memories from that are crowding out things like the ePistle...jokes, sections, pictures...what software I wrote it in. Thank you!

Spark of Joy of the Week: A reminder: Persephone is the goddess of Flowers and is also the Queen of Hell, so don't ever think you have to fit into just one mold. --Submitted by WWRWM

Everyone knew when Voldemort arrived. He wore way too much cologne. And he still couldn't smell it. ĩ Little Known Backstory: Voldemort once consulted with Pinocchio about how to grow a nose.

..........I gave him my heart, an' a few other things.........Meg …..The Love of My Life

5) During female orgasm, the hormone prolactin is released. This stimulates the brain to produce more neurons in the olfactory bulb, where our sense of smell is controlled.

Protest Sign of the Week: Trump is a KRUEL Korrupt KILLER & Racist Rat! --Lawrence, KS 7/26/26

Quote of the Week: In the US, you have to be a deviant or die of boredom. --William S Burroughs

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Do cats understand what static shock is, or does my cat think I have a mildly painful defensive ability that I sometimes use on him for no reason. --drizzylitfw --Submitted by Writers, Readers and General Tomfoolery

Today's Peace of History: July 31, 1896: The National Association of Colored Women (NACW) was established in Washington, D.C. Its two leading members were Josephine Ruffin and Mary Church Terrell. Founders also included some of the most renowned African-American women educators, community leaders, and civil-rights activists in America, including Harriet Tubman, Frances E W Harper, Margaret Murray Washington, and Ida B. Wells-Barnett.

The price for the Wizard's World Cup game was a quid each. ĩ Every single Slytherin has an account on Snapechat.

..........What a rare mood I'm in.........Tommy …..Almost Like Being In Love

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, July 31, 2026: ePistle sPelled. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Tidbit of the Week: Accio is a summoning spell from the Harry Potter books. It is the only spell I thought I might actually use. “Accio keys.” “Accio breakfast.”

Moonbeam: Are you mental? --J K Rowling via Ron Weasley

Cost of War: Pentagon Spending in July 2026: 85,053,017,282 That's eighty-five billion, fifty-three million, seventeen thousand, two hundred and eighty-two dollar this month.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love. --St Francis of Assisi

Pentagon Spending in June 2026: $82,621,957,422

Pentagon Spending in May 2026: $87,601,145,719

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

The only relevant test of the validity of a hypothesis is comparison of prediction with experience. --Milton friedman

Famous Last Words: There. That's better. --M'lynn Last line of Steel Magnolias which closed at the Lyceum Theatre 7/31/05

..........This must not end tonight..........Tommy …..The Chase

How many witches does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on what you want to change it into. ĩ I heard Hermoine has her own reality show called Granger Things.

May Peace be your magic

And Joy be your spell

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

A Conditioned ePistle

Famous First Words: This is the place! --Brigham Young ~Legend says when Brigham and the 148 pioneers with him, got halfway down that Emigration Canyon, he said “this is the place” and that's why the Mormons stayed in Salt Lake. There's a park with a monument and there is or was a wonderful roadhouse (rare in Utah) with a picture of the proprietor standing by the Wrens that were outside the Wren Building in downtown Lawrence, KS. ~~Utah takes a holiday every 24^th of July (Pioneer Day) with a biiiiiigggggg parade. (biiiiiigggggg is defined as every high school band in the state and everybody who can ride a horse.)

It's Air Conditioning Appreciation Days (7/3-8/15). Good timing! It's so hot that when the temperature dropped to 95°, I put on a jacket /\ It's so hot I saw a funeral procession pull through Dairy Queen. \/ It's so hot my dream house is at the South Pole.

..........Nothing to say, but what a day..........Beatles …..Good Morning, Good Morning

Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel. --Bella Abzug

It is a rainy Friday morning. The sky is gray and dark. There is no breeze. Tree leaves only move when drops of water hit them. Dropping water splashes in tiny puddles on the patio; they plunk against the patio table and plink against the metal water bowl; and they clink against the chimney. h I hear it as I sit at my desk drinking my decaf. Birds and squirrels and the baby rabbit are staying home, waiting for the shower to lift before they sing or squeal or eat sunflower seeds and peanuts. The rain is welcome. In the night I was aware of thunder and lightning. Neither the dog nor the cat were bothered by it. I simply fell back to sleep. But the world is cool (68°F), it is wet, and it provides a soundtrack for the morning. Writing to you makes it even better.

Hope your weekend is super cool, on a lot of levels, snowbirds.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Which amendment protects us from the Supreme Court? --Burns https://www.facebook.com/christopher.monley.7

First Funniest Thing I Remembered of the Week: When it gets too hot for comfort and you can't get ice cream cones, it ain't no sin to take off your skin and dance around in your bones. --Song my mother used to sing sung here by Fred Hall, 1930

It's so hot the squirrels eating sunflower seeds on my back patio are wearing crocs. \/ It's so hot in DC, they installed a fan in the debt ceiling. /\ It's so hot the asphalt on I-35 turned to liquid and ran down to Oklahoma. \/ It's so hot my chicken laid an omelet.

..........I need somebody to love..........Beatles …..With A Little Help From My Friends

Trivia Questions: Happy National Drive-Thru Day!

1. When or where did the first drive-thru in the US open?

2. What percentage of drive-thru revenue comes from “fast food”?

3. How did drive-thru change the menus of drive-ins?

4. What new automobile accessory was fueled by drive-thru restaurants?

5. How many drive-thrus are there in the US?

Big Hello: Ajaa – Wayuu (...an Arawakan language spoken in Venezuela & Colombia) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Intergalactic News: Earth is still trying to unlock the achievement “Basic Common Sense”. --Submitted by Club42

Image of the Week:

It's so hot I've started putting crushed ice in my waterbed. \/ It's so hot, Wyandotte County Lake shipped their fish to Seattle lest they forget how to swim. /\ It's so hot Adam and Eve traded their fig leaves for ice packs.

..........Give me a wink and make me think of you..........Beatles …..Lovely Rita

Moonbeam: History, n. An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools. --Ambrose Bierce The Devil's Dictionary

Blasphemy of the Week: Unicorns are mentioned 9 times in the bible. Cats are mentioned 0 times. That's all I need to know about the bible. https://www.facebook.com/blasphemememes

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bob's Burgers Burger Of The Day: Release the Epstein Files – Served cold and with ketchup on the walls. --realusapatriot.bsky.social

Coffee Joke of the Week: I am NOT emotionally equipped to fight the dark side without caffeine. https://www.facebook.com/maythecoffeebewithyou

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Be like all your friends, express your individuality. --Wiley Miles Non Sequitur 7/21/26 ~~Doubling as Oxymoronic Ad of the Week:

It's so hot, Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner. /\ It's so hot I saw a guy with a sign that said, “Will Work For Shade”. \/ It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buying an air conditioner.

..........Where I belong I'm right..........Beatles …..Fixing The Hole

1) According to most accounts, the first drive-thru restaurant was opened 7/24/1947. Red’s Giant Hamburg (the sign couldn’t fit the entire word “hamburger”) was in Springfield, MO, on the fabled Route 66

Almanac: It is Friday, July 24, 2026. The moon will be full (Buck) on Tuesday (7/28) and is in Sagittarius. Today is Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Pioneer Day, Cousins Day, International Self Care Day, National Drive-Thru Day, National Frozen Margarita Day, National Tequila Day, National Thermal Engineers Day aka the hottest day of the year, and Tell An Old Joke Day. Because it is the last full weekend it is Lumberjack Days.

Among those born on this day were Simon Bolivar (1783), Alexandre Dumas, pere (1802), Ambrose Bierce (1842), Alice Ball (1892), Robert Graves (1895), Amelia Earhart (1897), Zelda Fitzgerald (1900), Kenneth B. Clark (1914), John D. MacDonald (1916), Bella Abzug (1920), William D. Ruckelshaus (1932), Ruth Buzzi (1936), Chris Sarandon (1942), Michael Richards (1949), Lynda Carter (1951). Claire McCaskill (1953), and Karl Malone aka The Mailman (1963),

On July twenty-fourth The French first settled in "Detroit" (1701). The Mormons settled in Salt Lake City (1847). The rotary printing press was patented (1847). Tennessee was readmitted to the Union (1866). US troops were first used against strikers (1877). Hoover proclaimed the Kellogg-Briand Pact which renounced war (1929). Nixon & Khrushchev held the Kitchen Debate (1959). Apollo 11 returned to earth (1969). Nixon's tapes were liberated by the Supreme Court (1974). Sgt Pepper's Lonely ... Band movie debuted (1978). George Brett's pine tar incident (1983). MS Magazine returned (1990).

Night Sky, 7/24: Moon – 77.3% illumination. Visible from late afternoon through the morning. Constellation currently dominating the skies is the Summer Triangle with Vega, Altair, & Deneb as the brightest stars.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Abuela Kirsten, Ollie, Mom Aleena, Max, and a camper to be named later.

This Week: Saturday, July 25 – Carousel Day aka Merry-Go-Round Day & Hire A Veteran Day & Red Shoe Day

Sunday, July 26 – National Body Painting Day & National Parents Day & One Voice

Night Sky, 7/26: In the south Scorpius & Sagittarius. Sagittarius is pointing directly to the center of the Milky Way.

Monday, July 27 – Love Is Kind Day & Take Your Houseplant For A Walk Day & Walk On Stilts Day

Tuesday, July 28 – Buffalo Soldiers Day & National Waterpark Day & National Milk Chocolate Day

Night Sky, 7/28: Sunrise: 6:15 am Sunset: 8:34 pm (14 hours and 22 minutes of daylight) Moonset: 89:28 am Moonrise: 5:51 pm

Wednesday, July 29 – Global Tiger Day & Lasagna Day & National Lipstick Day & Rain Day

Night Sky, 7/29: Full moon (Buck) in Aquarius.

Thursday, July 30 – Friendship Day aka International Day of Friendship & National Share A Hug Day

It's so hot Mormon missionaries have started telemarketing. /\ It's so hot both water taps run hot. \/ It's so hot our Independence Day fireworks lit themselves.

..........Will you still need me, will you still feed me..........Beatles …..When I'm 64

2) It’s easy to see why people prefer to use the drive-thru lane for fast food — it’s fast and convenient. It’s also easy to see why so many fast-food restaurants make room for the drive-thru lane — it generates a whopping 70% – 80% of their business.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Catcher to Pitcher: Throw him a fastball so he hits a walk-off homerun, they win the World Series, and we don't have to go to the White House.

Moonbeam: Once, adj. Enough. --Ambrose Bierce The Devil's Dictionary

Old Joke of the Week: Happy Old Joke Day! A Kymaean is swimming in the sea when it starts to rain – so he dives underwater to avoid getting wet. --Philogelos Joke #164 The Philogelos, typically translated as “the joker” or “the one who loves laughs”, is an ancient Greek collection of 265 jokes

Video of the Week: Ruth Buzzi and the Smothers Brothers on Laugh-In (:19)

We are bringing women into politics to change the nature of politics, to change the vision, to change the institutions. Women are not wedded to the policies of the past. We didn't craft them. They didn't let us. --Bella Abzug

It's so hot Kansas dairy farmers say cows are giving evaporated milk. \/ It's so hot Siri asked to be dipped in a glass of ice water. /\ It's so hot my artificial flower wilted.

..........Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers..........Beatles …..Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds

3) Before Red’s Giant Hamburg, drive-in restaurants and diners offered a wider variety of menu offerings in addition to burgers. However, once chains like Jack-in-the-Box and In-and-Out Burger started serving directly to driver’s side windows, some changes had to be made. Soups, chili, and pie a la mode were out, and finger foods like fries and chicken strips took their place.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We put all our politicians in prison as soon as they're elected...” “Why?” “It saves time.” --Terry Pratchett The Last Continent

Weird Word of the Week: Selcouth: describes something that is unfamiliar, strange, and yet marvelous at the same time.

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Remove a stubborn hubcap. Take a bottle or can of Coca-Cola, uncap it or pop it open, shake it up while holding your thumb over the opening, and then spray the Coca-Cola around the hubcap. Let it sit for a few minutes to let the Real Thing soften any grease and grime, and then remove the hubcap with ease. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola3.html

It's so hot Kansas thought they had fire ants, but they were actual ants who were actually on fire. /\ It's so hot the new thermometers have new levels above 120°: -Are You Kidding Me? -Seriously? -Move North! \/ It's so hot I invited my ex to dinner just to be around someone shady.

...........A splendid time is guaranteed for all..........Beatles …..Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite

4) As a result of the drive-thru and eating in the car or on-the-go, you could understand why people needed a place to put down their drinks when they were eating in their car. Hence the introduction of the cup holder.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Tate Brothers Vehemently Deny They Did Anything Consensual. --the Onion @theonion.com

Spark Of Joy of the Week: I also treat my body like a temple; an ancient structure in desperate need of repair, long ignored and of rapidly decreasing significance to a largely indifferent society. --Asher The New Yorker

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Diversicon 33 (24-26, Plymouth, MN) Past to the future. https://diversicon33.mnstf.org/

Whatever This Is of the Week: Kebena Ethiopian Restaurant opens at 11:00 AM on Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Thursday. Kebena Ethiopian Restaurant opens at 12:00 PM on Sunday. ~~As a previous technical writer I wanted to share this with you. --Submitted by ky of wa

My first advice to tech writers has ALWAYS been Never Translate (instructions from another language). Work the software and Write It From Scratch. But I don't think that's the problem here.

It's so hot I had two hobbits throw a ring off my roof into my yard. \/ It's so hot the Miami Beach beach is now glass. /\ It's so hot I have to use a spatula to get my clothes off.

..........But they're guaranteed to raise a smile..........Beatles …..Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

5) It is estimated that 200,000 to 220,000 drive-thru restaurants are operating in the United States.

Protest Sign of the Week: So Is The Ballroom For Storing GOP Testicles? --from Seattle area perhaps on the Bremerton Bridge.

Better Protest Sign of the Week: I'm Hoping SATAN Runs in 2028 And Splits The Republican Vote. --Elayne Boosler

Quote of the Week: The way of peace is the way of love. Love is the greatest power on earth. It conquers all things. --Peace Pilgrim (born 8/18/1908)

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Do you know why we can fly a helicopter on Mars but we can't keep the lights on in Texas. Because scientists are in charge of Mars. Republicans are in charge of Texas. @jan199.bsky.social

Today's Peace of History: July 24, 1974: The United States Supreme Court (U.S. v. Nixon) unanimously ordered President Richard Nixon to surrender tape recordings of White House conversations regarding the Watergate affair. Speaking for the Supreme Court in front of a packed and hushed courtroom, Chief Justice Warren E. Burger (a Nixon appointee) rejected President Nixon's claims of executive privilege (virtually total confidentiality for the White House) because the need for fair administration of criminal justice must prevail.

It's so hot I saw a heatwave and waved back. /\ It's so hot you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time. \/ It's so hot everybody's sweating like a politician on election day.

..........Me hiding my head in the sand..........Beatles …..Getting Better

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, July 24, 2026: A Conditioned ePistle . Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding. --Ambrose Bierce The Devil's Dictionary

Cost of War: Pentagon Spending as of 7/23/26: $825,302,261,875.

That's Nineteen billion, four hundred and ninety-two million, seven hundred and forty-three thousand, seven hundred and seven dollars this week.

Pentagon Spending as of 7/16/26: $805,809,518,168

Pentagon Spending as of 7/9/26: $785,113,033,122

Pentagon Spending as of 7/2/26: $766,664,729,346

The beauty of peace is in trying to find solutions together.— Dekha Ibrahim Abdi

Pentagon Spending in June 2026: $82,621,957,422

Pentagon Spending in May 2026: $87,601,145,719

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

The establishment is made up of little men, very frightened. --Bella Abzug

Famous Last Words: ...blessed is the fruit of your womb. --Angelus Prayer spoken by St John Boste at his beheading in 1594, England

..........Try to realise it all within yourself..........Beatles …..Within You And Without You

It's so hot the zoo is reporting that water buffalo are evaporating. \/ It's so hot my campfire lit itself. /\ It's so hot they've relabeled all the Tabasco sauce “mild”.

May Peace cool your body

And Joy warm your soul

prairie mama

christine

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