ePistle sPelled

Famous First Words: Yes, Aunt Petunia --First words spoken by Harry Potter in The Sorcerer's Stone

It's Harry Potter Day. Both J K Rowling (1965) and Harry Potter (1980) were born on July 31^st. The Malfoy family tree is a cactus; everyone on it is a prick. Ĩ One of the biggest problems in any school of magic is spelling errors.

..........Deep in the night on a murky brae..........Chorus …..Brigadoon/Once In The Highlands ~~Brigadoon closed at the Ziegfeld Theatre after 581 performance on 7/31/48

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. --Milton Friedman

It is a relatively cool (68°F) Friday morning. Last night's rain left the aroma of damp cement and foliage in the air and it washed the patio clean of shells, sunflower seeds, and peanuts. The sky is clearing to a sparkly blue and a new offering of seeds and nuts are attracting squirrels and birds. Temperatures are creeping up toward unpleasant but aren't there yet. Everything looks shiny and clean; even the blue of the jay and the red of the young cardinal seem cleaner and brighter. Bird song suggests that happy wildlife is enjoying summer's bounty. Even my decaf tastes of summer and heat and over abundance. Such a great morning; and writing to you makes it perfect.

Hope your weekend is magical, fellow muggles.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If “socialism” caused widespread poverty & starvation, Reagan would have flooded the inner-cities with socialism instead of crack cocaine, you idiots. --Terri Aguilar --Submitted by Comrade Punisher

How many wizards does it take to change a light bulb? 2. One to hold the bulb in place and another to spin the room around. Ĩ Yo mama so fat the Sorting Hat put here in the House of Pancakes.

..........That there's a laddie weary and wanderin' free.........Fiona …..Waitin' For My Dearie

Trivia Questions: Wishing you a most Happy, Happy National Orgasm Day!

1. True or False: Orgasm is a natural painkiller?

2. How long does it take the average woman and/or the average man to reach climax?

3. What part(s) of your brain close down during orgasm?

4. What effect does paying attention (mindfulness) have on orgasm?

5. True or False: Orgasms affect your sense of smell? Click Here for 4 more fun facts on the female orgasm

Big Hello: Helô - Welsh https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: They discovered a new species of cat that's like an ocelot but smaller and they DID NOT name it the ocelittle. What are you doing, biologists?? --Gwen C Katz https://www.facebook.com/therealcrediblehulk

Image of the Week: Stitches gone. If anyone asks, it's an old bar fight injury.

Whatever This Is of the Week: The scariest thing about being an English major was looking at the crop of graduate students and realizing that in 20 years they were going to be the people deciding what is good literature and what is just fiction. I am absolutely certain that they would have been the people who claimed James Joyce, the king of run-on sentences, was worthy of the attention of college sophomores.

When Ron got a cold the twins called him ginger ail. ĩ Moaning Myrtle is the only person who is 14 years old but was born 60 years ago.

..........Come ye in the glen..........Chorus …..Down on MacConnachy Square

Moonbeam: Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic –-J K Rowling via Albus Dumbledore

Blasphemy of the Week: If it ain't King James 1611, it ain't Bible. --Submitted by Wittenburg Door

Coffee Joke of the Week: A Poem For Mornings --by N Crosby

Coffee,coffee coffee,

Coffee,

Coffee, coffee,

Everyone shut up.

Coffee.

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: It's easy to think of Ayn Rand as a terrible person with an evil philosophy, but if you've ever read her books you'd know she was also a terrible writer. --Ayn Rand

A quidditch team collectively is called broomers. ĩ So who wants to be the one to tell Snape he should smile more?

..........With bonnie Jean my days will fly.........Charlie …..I'll Go Home With Bonnie Jean

1) According to research published by the International Headache Society, 60% of migraine sufferers experienced moderate or complete relief after an orgasm. As well as helping to shift migraines, female orgasms can also help to increase your pain tolerance. When we orgasm, the body releases oxytocin and other mood-boosting endorphins, which help to increase tolerance of pain.

Almanac: It is Friday, July 31, 2026. The moon was full (Buck) last Wednesday (7/29) and is in Aquarius. Today is National Avocado Day, National Mutt Day, National Orgasm Day, Uncommon Instruments Awareness Day, and World Ranger Day. Because it is the last Friday, it is also National Get Gnarly Day, National Talk in* An Elevator Day, and System Administrator Appreciation Day.

*My various grammar checks could not decide whether it should be on the elevator or in the elevator. I cannot think of a more boring activity than an AI grammar war. Perhaps such a war would destroy both spelling and grammar and free us from the chains being imposed upon us by Gutenberg's press since 1440.

Among those born on this day were Philip the Good (1396), Elmo Roper (1900). Milton Friedman (1912), Bill Todman (1916), Don Murray (1929), Barbara Gittings (1932), Stanley Jaffe (1940), Gary Lewis (1946). Evonne Goolagong Cawley (1951), Bill Berry (1958), Wesley Snipes (1962), J K Rowling (1965), and Harry Potter (1980).

On July thirty-first: Columbus landed on Trinidad (1498). The US prohibited movies & photos of boxing (1912). Idlewild Field was dedicated (1948). The Department of Health, Education & Welfare was created (1953). Chet Huntley retired (1970).

Night Sky, 7/31 : Southern Delta Aquariids & Alpha Capricornids meteor showers will be spitting out 25-30 meteors per hour.

Fraternal Flashback Picture of the Week: Max giving Ollie a bottle – 2020 ~~Too Cute!

This Week: Saturday, August 1 – National Sunflower Day & Lammas Day & Rounds Resounding Day

Sunday, August 2 – Friendship Day & National Coloring Book Day & National Doll Day

Night Sky, 8/2: Pluto is positioned for observation with a good telescope.

Monday, August 3 – National Picnic Day & National Hair Glass Day & Watermelon Day

Tuesday, August 4 – International Clouded Leopard Day & Single Working Women's Day & National Night Out

Night Sky, 8/4: Sunrise: 6:24 am Sunset: 8:20 pm 13 hours and 56 minutes of daylight Moonset: 12:30 pm Moonrise: 11:21 pm

Wednesday, June 5 – Dolly Parton Day & National Oyster Day & National Underwear Day

Thursday, August 6 – Hiroshima Day

Night Sky, 8/6: The moon enters its last quarter and is in Taurus.

The Hogwarts nurse uses Quit-Itch for rashes. ĩ Witches don't get mugged; they get muggled.

..........So take my hand and let's go roamin'..........Tommy …..The Heather On The Hill

2) The average woman needs 20 minutes of stimulation to reach climax, whereas men typically require between 2-10 minutes. It's worth noting, however, that the time it takes to reach orgasm can vary significantly from person to person.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If people can go to prison for lying to Congress, then shouldn't members of Congress go to prison for lying to the people? --Submitted by Catsonacouch

Moonbeam: No, Harry. Even in the wizarding world, hearing voices isn't a good sign. --J K Rowling via Hermione Granger

Fun Fact of the Week: Swiss scientist Fritz Zwicky coined the term “dark matter”, which is impressive; but he also coined the term “spherical bastard” to describe people who are bastards no matter which way you look at them, and I think that should be celebrated more. --Submitted by @iamdad.bsky.social

Video of the Week: The last 4 minutes of the last Huntley-Brinkley Report 7/31/1970 https://x.com/BeschlossDC/status/1289203268262887431

Inflation is the one form of taxation that can be imposed without legislation. --Milton Friedman

Hermione has a sampler in her kitchen that says, “I Solemnly Swear That My Cooking Tastes Good. ĩ Why can't Harry tell the difference between his best friend and his potion pot? They're both cauldron.

..........I'm not. In fact, I shouldna be surprised..........Fiona …..From This Day On

3) A lot happens in your body during orgasm, especially in the brain. It has been shown that when you reach climax, the area behind your left eye, known as the lateral orbitofrontal cortex, shuts down. This is why it's hard to focus on anything else at that moment.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: They moved on from Lindsey Graham's death so quickly you'd think he died in a school shooting. --Submitted by 98%

Weird Word of the Week: Eudaimonia: a state of contentment and happiness that comes from living a meaningful life. https://www.britannica.com/topic/eudaimonia

Dragon of the Week: I have no information about this dragon like where it is or who carved it.

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Clean insects off a car windshield. Pour a can or bottle of carbonated Coca-Cola over the windshield and squeegee clean. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola3.html

Hermoine: If Harry or Ron see me reading Twilight, I'll never live it down. ĩ Hogwarts students and staff use A Dobby Photoshop to edit their pictures.

...........I thought as I thanked all the stars in the sky..........Tommy …..There But For You Go I

4) According to research published in the Journal of Sexual Research, women's ability to orgasm increased by 30% after taking park in mindfulness programs. Meditation also seems to help.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bumper Sticker: Honk If You Love Peace & Quiet

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Pulpfest 2026 (7/30-8/2, Pittsburgh, PA) Celebrating

Mystery, Adventure, Science Fiction and More... https://pulpfest.com/

First Strange Request of the Last 19 Years: I only have saved electronic ePistles since 2016. I found a cd labelled ePistles '07. Technology has moved on and I no longer have a cd player on my computer. If someone still has one, could you download (upload, transfer, copy) it to a flash disc which I will supply? This was before Bruce's transplant when he was so sick. My memories from that are crowding out things like the ePistle...jokes, sections, pictures...what software I wrote it in. Thank you!

Spark of Joy of the Week: A reminder: Persephone is the goddess of Flowers and is also the Queen of Hell, so don't ever think you have to fit into just one mold. --Submitted by WWRWM

Everyone knew when Voldemort arrived. He wore way too much cologne. And he still couldn't smell it. ĩ Little Known Backstory: Voldemort once consulted with Pinocchio about how to grow a nose.

..........I gave him my heart, an' a few other things.........Meg …..The Love of My Life

5) During female orgasm, the hormone prolactin is released. This stimulates the brain to produce more neurons in the olfactory bulb, where our sense of smell is controlled.

Protest Sign of the Week: Trump is a KRUEL Korrupt KILLER & Racist Rat! --Lawrence, KS 7/26/26

Quote of the Week: In the US, you have to be a deviant or die of boredom. --William S Burroughs

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Do cats understand what static shock is, or does my cat think I have a mildly painful defensive ability that I sometimes use on him for no reason. --drizzylitfw --Submitted by Writers, Readers and General Tomfoolery

Today's Peace of History: July 31, 1896: The National Association of Colored Women (NACW) was established in Washington, D.C. Its two leading members were Josephine Ruffin and Mary Church Terrell. Founders also included some of the most renowned African-American women educators, community leaders, and civil-rights activists in America, including Harriet Tubman, Frances E W Harper, Margaret Murray Washington, and Ida B. Wells-Barnett.

The price for the Wizard's World Cup game was a quid each. ĩ Every single Slytherin has an account on Snapechat.

..........What a rare mood I'm in.........Tommy …..Almost Like Being In Love

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, July 31, 2026: ePistle sPelled. Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Tidbit of the Week: Accio is a summoning spell from the Harry Potter books. It is the only spell I thought I might actually use. “Accio keys.” “Accio breakfast.”

Moonbeam: Are you mental? --J K Rowling via Ron Weasley

Cost of War: Pentagon Spending in July 2026: 85,053,017,282 That's eighty-five billion, fifty-three million, seventeen thousand, two hundred and eighty-two dollar this month.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love. --St Francis of Assisi

Pentagon Spending in June 2026: $82,621,957,422

Pentagon Spending in May 2026: $87,601,145,719

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

The only relevant test of the validity of a hypothesis is comparison of prediction with experience. --Milton friedman

Famous Last Words: There. That's better. --M'lynn Last line of Steel Magnolias which closed at the Lyceum Theatre 7/31/05

..........This must not end tonight..........Tommy …..The Chase

How many witches does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on what you want to change it into. ĩ I heard Hermoine has her own reality show called Granger Things.

May Peace be your magic

And Joy be your spell

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

A Conditioned ePistle

Famous First Words: This is the place! --Brigham Young ~Legend says when Brigham and the 148 pioneers with him, got halfway down that Emigration Canyon, he said “this is the place” and that's why the Mormons stayed in Salt Lake. There's a park with a monument and there is or was a wonderful roadhouse (rare in Utah) with a picture of the proprietor standing by the Wrens that were outside the Wren Building in downtown Lawrence, KS. ~~Utah takes a holiday every 24^th of July (Pioneer Day) with a biiiiiigggggg parade. (biiiiiigggggg is defined as every high school band in the state and everybody who can ride a horse.)

It's Air Conditioning Appreciation Days (7/3-8/15). Good timing! It's so hot that when the temperature dropped to 95°, I put on a jacket /\ It's so hot I saw a funeral procession pull through Dairy Queen. \/ It's so hot my dream house is at the South Pole.

..........Nothing to say, but what a day..........Beatles …..Good Morning, Good Morning

Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel. --Bella Abzug

It is a rainy Friday morning. The sky is gray and dark. There is no breeze. Tree leaves only move when drops of water hit them. Dropping water splashes in tiny puddles on the patio; they plunk against the patio table and plink against the metal water bowl; and they clink against the chimney. h I hear it as I sit at my desk drinking my decaf. Birds and squirrels and the baby rabbit are staying home, waiting for the shower to lift before they sing or squeal or eat sunflower seeds and peanuts. The rain is welcome. In the night I was aware of thunder and lightning. Neither the dog nor the cat were bothered by it. I simply fell back to sleep. But the world is cool (68°F), it is wet, and it provides a soundtrack for the morning. Writing to you makes it even better.

Hope your weekend is super cool, on a lot of levels, snowbirds.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Which amendment protects us from the Supreme Court? --Burns https://www.facebook.com/christopher.monley.7

First Funniest Thing I Remembered of the Week: When it gets too hot for comfort and you can't get ice cream cones, it ain't no sin to take off your skin and dance around in your bones. --Song my mother used to sing sung here by Fred Hall, 1930

It's so hot the squirrels eating sunflower seeds on my back patio are wearing crocs. \/ It's so hot in DC, they installed a fan in the debt ceiling. /\ It's so hot the asphalt on I-35 turned to liquid and ran down to Oklahoma. \/ It's so hot my chicken laid an omelet.

..........I need somebody to love..........Beatles …..With A Little Help From My Friends

Trivia Questions: Happy National Drive-Thru Day!

1. When or where did the first drive-thru in the US open?

2. What percentage of drive-thru revenue comes from “fast food”?

3. How did drive-thru change the menus of drive-ins?

4. What new automobile accessory was fueled by drive-thru restaurants?

5. How many drive-thrus are there in the US?

Big Hello: Ajaa – Wayuu (...an Arawakan language spoken in Venezuela & Colombia) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Intergalactic News: Earth is still trying to unlock the achievement “Basic Common Sense”. --Submitted by Club42

Image of the Week:

It's so hot I've started putting crushed ice in my waterbed. \/ It's so hot, Wyandotte County Lake shipped their fish to Seattle lest they forget how to swim. /\ It's so hot Adam and Eve traded their fig leaves for ice packs.

..........Give me a wink and make me think of you..........Beatles …..Lovely Rita

Moonbeam: History, n. An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools. --Ambrose Bierce The Devil's Dictionary

Blasphemy of the Week: Unicorns are mentioned 9 times in the bible. Cats are mentioned 0 times. That's all I need to know about the bible. https://www.facebook.com/blasphemememes

Extra Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Bob's Burgers Burger Of The Day: Release the Epstein Files – Served cold and with ketchup on the walls. --realusapatriot.bsky.social

Coffee Joke of the Week: I am NOT emotionally equipped to fight the dark side without caffeine. https://www.facebook.com/maythecoffeebewithyou

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Be like all your friends, express your individuality. --Wiley Miles Non Sequitur 7/21/26 ~~Doubling as Oxymoronic Ad of the Week:

It's so hot, Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner. /\ It's so hot I saw a guy with a sign that said, “Will Work For Shade”. \/ It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buying an air conditioner.

..........Where I belong I'm right..........Beatles …..Fixing The Hole

1) According to most accounts, the first drive-thru restaurant was opened 7/24/1947. Red’s Giant Hamburg (the sign couldn’t fit the entire word “hamburger”) was in Springfield, MO, on the fabled Route 66

Almanac: It is Friday, July 24, 2026. The moon will be full (Buck) on Tuesday (7/28) and is in Sagittarius. Today is Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Pioneer Day, Cousins Day, International Self Care Day, National Drive-Thru Day, National Frozen Margarita Day, National Tequila Day, National Thermal Engineers Day aka the hottest day of the year, and Tell An Old Joke Day. Because it is the last full weekend it is Lumberjack Days.

Among those born on this day were Simon Bolivar (1783), Alexandre Dumas, pere (1802), Ambrose Bierce (1842), Alice Ball (1892), Robert Graves (1895), Amelia Earhart (1897), Zelda Fitzgerald (1900), Kenneth B. Clark (1914), John D. MacDonald (1916), Bella Abzug (1920), William D. Ruckelshaus (1932), Ruth Buzzi (1936), Chris Sarandon (1942), Michael Richards (1949), Lynda Carter (1951). Claire McCaskill (1953), and Karl Malone aka The Mailman (1963),

On July twenty-fourth The French first settled in "Detroit" (1701). The Mormons settled in Salt Lake City (1847). The rotary printing press was patented (1847). Tennessee was readmitted to the Union (1866). US troops were first used against strikers (1877). Hoover proclaimed the Kellogg-Briand Pact which renounced war (1929). Nixon & Khrushchev held the Kitchen Debate (1959). Apollo 11 returned to earth (1969). Nixon's tapes were liberated by the Supreme Court (1974). Sgt Pepper's Lonely ... Band movie debuted (1978). George Brett's pine tar incident (1983). MS Magazine returned (1990).

Night Sky, 7/24: Moon – 77.3% illumination. Visible from late afternoon through the morning. Constellation currently dominating the skies is the Summer Triangle with Vega, Altair, & Deneb as the brightest stars.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Abuela Kirsten, Ollie, Mom Aleena, Max, and a camper to be named later.

This Week: Saturday, July 25 – Carousel Day aka Merry-Go-Round Day & Hire A Veteran Day & Red Shoe Day

Sunday, July 26 – National Body Painting Day & National Parents Day & One Voice

Night Sky, 7/26: In the south Scorpius & Sagittarius. Sagittarius is pointing directly to the center of the Milky Way.

Monday, July 27 – Love Is Kind Day & Take Your Houseplant For A Walk Day & Walk On Stilts Day

Tuesday, July 28 – Buffalo Soldiers Day & National Waterpark Day & National Milk Chocolate Day

Night Sky, 7/28: Sunrise: 6:15 am Sunset: 8:34 pm (14 hours and 22 minutes of daylight) Moonset: 89:28 am Moonrise: 5:51 pm

Wednesday, July 29 – Global Tiger Day & Lasagna Day & National Lipstick Day & Rain Day

Night Sky, 7/29: Full moon (Buck) in Aquarius.

Thursday, July 30 – Friendship Day aka International Day of Friendship & National Share A Hug Day

It's so hot Mormon missionaries have started telemarketing. /\ It's so hot both water taps run hot. \/ It's so hot our Independence Day fireworks lit themselves.

..........Will you still need me, will you still feed me..........Beatles …..When I'm 64

2) It’s easy to see why people prefer to use the drive-thru lane for fast food — it’s fast and convenient. It’s also easy to see why so many fast-food restaurants make room for the drive-thru lane — it generates a whopping 70% – 80% of their business.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Catcher to Pitcher: Throw him a fastball so he hits a walk-off homerun, they win the World Series, and we don't have to go to the White House.

Moonbeam: Once, adj. Enough. --Ambrose Bierce The Devil's Dictionary

Old Joke of the Week: Happy Old Joke Day! A Kymaean is swimming in the sea when it starts to rain – so he dives underwater to avoid getting wet. --Philogelos Joke #164 The Philogelos, typically translated as “the joker” or “the one who loves laughs”, is an ancient Greek collection of 265 jokes

Video of the Week: Ruth Buzzi and the Smothers Brothers on Laugh-In (:19)

We are bringing women into politics to change the nature of politics, to change the vision, to change the institutions. Women are not wedded to the policies of the past. We didn't craft them. They didn't let us. --Bella Abzug

It's so hot Kansas dairy farmers say cows are giving evaporated milk. \/ It's so hot Siri asked to be dipped in a glass of ice water. /\ It's so hot my artificial flower wilted.

..........Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers..........Beatles …..Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds

3) Before Red’s Giant Hamburg, drive-in restaurants and diners offered a wider variety of menu offerings in addition to burgers. However, once chains like Jack-in-the-Box and In-and-Out Burger started serving directly to driver’s side windows, some changes had to be made. Soups, chili, and pie a la mode were out, and finger foods like fries and chicken strips took their place.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: We put all our politicians in prison as soon as they're elected...” “Why?” “It saves time.” --Terry Pratchett The Last Continent

Weird Word of the Week: Selcouth: describes something that is unfamiliar, strange, and yet marvelous at the same time.

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Remove a stubborn hubcap. Take a bottle or can of Coca-Cola, uncap it or pop it open, shake it up while holding your thumb over the opening, and then spray the Coca-Cola around the hubcap. Let it sit for a few minutes to let the Real Thing soften any grease and grime, and then remove the hubcap with ease. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola3.html

It's so hot Kansas thought they had fire ants, but they were actual ants who were actually on fire. /\ It's so hot the new thermometers have new levels above 120°: -Are You Kidding Me? -Seriously? -Move North! \/ It's so hot I invited my ex to dinner just to be around someone shady.

...........A splendid time is guaranteed for all..........Beatles …..Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite

4) As a result of the drive-thru and eating in the car or on-the-go, you could understand why people needed a place to put down their drinks when they were eating in their car. Hence the introduction of the cup holder.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Tate Brothers Vehemently Deny They Did Anything Consensual. --the Onion @theonion.com

Spark Of Joy of the Week: I also treat my body like a temple; an ancient structure in desperate need of repair, long ignored and of rapidly decreasing significance to a largely indifferent society. --Asher The New Yorker

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: Diversicon 33 (24-26, Plymouth, MN) Past to the future. https://diversicon33.mnstf.org/

Whatever This Is of the Week: Kebena Ethiopian Restaurant opens at 11:00 AM on Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Thursday. Kebena Ethiopian Restaurant opens at 12:00 PM on Sunday. ~~As a previous technical writer I wanted to share this with you. --Submitted by ky of wa

My first advice to tech writers has ALWAYS been Never Translate (instructions from another language). Work the software and Write It From Scratch. But I don't think that's the problem here.

It's so hot I had two hobbits throw a ring off my roof into my yard. \/ It's so hot the Miami Beach beach is now glass. /\ It's so hot I have to use a spatula to get my clothes off.

..........But they're guaranteed to raise a smile..........Beatles …..Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

5) It is estimated that 200,000 to 220,000 drive-thru restaurants are operating in the United States.

Protest Sign of the Week: So Is The Ballroom For Storing GOP Testicles? --from Seattle area perhaps on the Bremerton Bridge.

Better Protest Sign of the Week: I'm Hoping SATAN Runs in 2028 And Splits The Republican Vote. --Elayne Boosler

Quote of the Week: The way of peace is the way of love. Love is the greatest power on earth. It conquers all things. --Peace Pilgrim (born 8/18/1908)

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Do you know why we can fly a helicopter on Mars but we can't keep the lights on in Texas. Because scientists are in charge of Mars. Republicans are in charge of Texas. @jan199.bsky.social

Today's Peace of History: July 24, 1974: The United States Supreme Court (U.S. v. Nixon) unanimously ordered President Richard Nixon to surrender tape recordings of White House conversations regarding the Watergate affair. Speaking for the Supreme Court in front of a packed and hushed courtroom, Chief Justice Warren E. Burger (a Nixon appointee) rejected President Nixon's claims of executive privilege (virtually total confidentiality for the White House) because the need for fair administration of criminal justice must prevail.

It's so hot I saw a heatwave and waved back. /\ It's so hot you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time. \/ It's so hot everybody's sweating like a politician on election day.

..........Me hiding my head in the sand..........Beatles …..Getting Better

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, July 24, 2026: A Conditioned ePistle . Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding. --Ambrose Bierce The Devil's Dictionary

Cost of War: Pentagon Spending as of 7/23/26: $825,302,261,875.

That's Nineteen billion, four hundred and ninety-two million, seven hundred and forty-three thousand, seven hundred and seven dollars this week.

Pentagon Spending as of 7/16/26: $805,809,518,168

Pentagon Spending as of 7/9/26: $785,113,033,122

Pentagon Spending as of 7/2/26: $766,664,729,346

The beauty of peace is in trying to find solutions together.— Dekha Ibrahim Abdi

Pentagon Spending in June 2026: $82,621,957,422

Pentagon Spending in May 2026: $87,601,145,719

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

The establishment is made up of little men, very frightened. --Bella Abzug

Famous Last Words: ...blessed is the fruit of your womb. --Angelus Prayer spoken by St John Boste at his beheading in 1594, England

..........Try to realise it all within yourself..........Beatles …..Within You And Without You

It's so hot the zoo is reporting that water buffalo are evaporating. \/ It's so hot my campfire lit itself. /\ It's so hot they've relabeled all the Tabasco sauce “mild”.

May Peace cool your body

And Joy warm your soul

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh:

Quite Right ePistle

Famous First Words: GOP Security Aide Among 5 Arrested In Bugging Affair. --Headline Page 1 Washington Post 7/18/1972

Wishing a So-So Birthday to the Republican Party!! (Because they don't want anyone, including themselves, to be happy; that's why.) How many Republicans does it take to change a light? Change? No, that's socialism. --- You can tell Republicans from Ukranians because Ukranians defend their capital.

..........Hurrah for the choice of the nation.........Jesse Hutchinson …..Lincoln and Liberty --Used in Lincoln's first presidential campaign

That, with our Republican fathers, we hold it to be a self-evident truth, that all men are endowed with the inalienable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and that the primary object and ulterior design of our Federal Government were to secure these rights to all persons under its exclusive jurisdiction... --Republican Party Platform 1856

It is a beautiful Friday morning. The sky is a clear blue, a light breeze invites the willow to dance a slow waltz, the pokeweed is taller than I am with its yellow flowers and thick green leaves. A squirrel is doing fancy flips with his tail to impress the baby girl cardinal as the two consume sunflower seeds. There is no birdsong from outside and only Puck's irregular breathing in here. It is 73°F, lovely weather for a morning walk. The sun is just coming up over the rooftops and through the trees to dapple the shed, the yard, the leaves themselves into a masterpiece of light and shadow. The scene suggests Louis Armstrong's gravelly voice crooning, “it's a wonderful world”. I raise my coffee cup to you, this fine morning, and hope this day brings all that its morning promises.

Hope your weekend is safe from crocodiles, gentle reader.

First Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Just remember that given the abundance of neurodivergent people in science, it's far more likely that autism causes vaccines. --Christopher Penn

Strangely Appropriate Random Posting of the Week: I feel my dancing on Lindsey Graham’s grave has been tempered by the need to preserve energy for Mitch McConnell. --Two Shed Jackson

Republicans removed Jehovah's Witnesses from the list of accepted religions because Republicans don't want any witnesses. --- Republicans had a hard time with COVID-19 because people who can't breathe turn blue.

How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb? None, they only talk about change. ~~To be fair and balanced, that's why.

..........Charles Lindbergh flew that little plane....Joe Glazer .....If He's Good Enough For Lindy --Herbert Hoover's campaign (Charles Lindsbergh never publicly gave support to Hitler's party, but he also never came out with a statement against it and was called a Nazi sympathizer by some contemporaries.)

Trivia Questions: Happy World Crocodile Day!

1. How long have crocodiles been around on earth, anyway?

2. What makes crocodile teeth different from other animals' teeth?

3. What does the crocodile have on its snout to help it hunt?

4. How fast can a crocodile swim?

5. What unique adaptations make crocodiles formidable predators?

Big Hello: Ngurra mayinpa – Warlpiri (Australia) https://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hello.htm

Second Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: “Are you a communist?” “No, I am an anti-fascist.” “For a long time?” “Since I have understood fascism.” --Ernest Hemingway For Whom The Bell Tolls

Image of the Week: Over an inch of stitches near my eye

Whatever This Is of the Week: We should only speak good of the dead. He's dead. Good. --Dorothy Parker

A woman in a hot-air balloon is lost, so she shouts to a man below, "Excuse me. I promised a friend I would meet him, but I don’t know where I am." "You’re at 31 degrees, 14.57 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude," he replies. "You must be a Democrat." "I am. How did you know?" "Because everything you told me is technically correct, but the information is useless, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve been no help." "You must be a Republican." "Yes. How did you know?" "You’ve risen to where you are due to a lot of hot air, you made a promise you couldn’t keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault."

The Democratic nominee walks into a bar because the current Republican party set it so low.

….......He will lead us all ..........Irving Berlin …..I like Ike --Eisenhower's campaign

Moonbeam: Prayer is where the action is. --John Wesley

Blasphemy of the Week: Don't tell me how to be a Pagan. If I wanted rules, I'd go to church. --Submitted by MMS

Coffee Joke of the Week: I took one sip of coffee and immediately remembered I have responsibilities. Horrible feature. Terrible design. One star. --Submitted by MTCBWY

Next Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: That heat wave on the eastern seaboard is now explained … The GATES OF HELL were kicked open by the most recent member. Beelzebub reportedly remarked, “There goes the neighborhood.” --Jim Dembowski --Submitted by Catsonacouch ~~I like the idea that heat waves are caused by really awful people entering hell. It has great comedic potential.

Republicans are the true snowflakes. They're white, they're cold, and if you put enough of them together they'll shut down public schools. --- Democrats have formed a plan to make the Republicans sound stupid. The code name is “Just Let Them Talk”.

The Democratic Caucus has released a new gum flavor, Orange n' Peach Mint.

..........It's something great to see..........Oscar Brand …..I'm Feeling Good About America --Used in Gerald Ford's campaign

1) Crocodiles have a remarkable evolutionary history and are often referred to as living fossils. They have remained relatively unchanged for over 200 million years, making them one of the oldest reptile lineages on Earth.

Almanac: It is Friday, July 17, 2026. The moon was new last Tuesday (7/14) and is in Virgo. Today is Islamic New Year, LGBTQIA+ Equal Pay Awareness Day, National Garbage Man Day, Stewart's Root Beer Day, World Crocodile Day, World Day To Combat Desertification and Drought, and World Tessellation Day.

Among those born on this day were Edward I 1239, John Wesley 1703, Jon Sigurdsson 1811, John Robert Gregg 1867, Igor Stravinsky 1882, M C Escher 1898, Ralph Bellamy 1904, John Hersey 1914, James Brown 1928, Barry Manilow 1943, and Joe Piscopo 1951.

On July seventeenth Drake landed in California (1579). Goodyear obtained his first patent (1837). The Republican Party opened its first convention (1856). The Statue of Liberty arrived in NYC (1885). The first kidney was transplanted (1950). Julius & Ethel Rosenberg received a stay of execution (1953). Blacks began boycotting city stores in Tuskegee (1957). Brazil won the 7th World Cup (1962). Bible reading & prayer in public schools was outlawed (1963). 5 people were arrested burglarizing Democratic Party Headquarters at Watergate (1972).

Night Sky, 7/17 : During the day, the Moon will pass in front of Venus, casting a lunar occultation visible in the contiguous United States.

Fraternal Picture of the Week: Sharing breakfast

'Nother Strangely Appropriate Random Posting of the Week: Butthole COVID Sweeps America! America Gets Diarrhea...CDC has no money. --The Daily Show

This Week: Saturday, July 18 – Insurance Nerd Day & Woodie Wagon Day & World Listening Day

Sunday, July 19 – National Ice Cream Day & Lake Superior Day & International Karaoke Day

Night Sky, 7/19: Jupiter & Venus & Mercury are visible in the west at sunset.

Monday, July 20 – Space Exploration Day & World Chess Day & Moon Day

Tuesday, July 21 -Back Women's Equal Pay Day & National Be Someone Day & No Pet Store Puppies Day

Night Sky, 7/21: Mars and Saturn rise before sunrise. Binoculars may be necessary.

Wednesday, July 22 – Casual Pi Day & National Be A Good Teammate Day & Spoonerism Day

Thursday, July 23 – Gorgeous Grandma Day & Hot Enough For Ya Day & National Sprinkle Day

Night Sky, /23: Sunrise: 5:46 am Sunset: 8:26 pm 14 hours and 40 minutes of daylight. Moonrise: 9:32 am Moonset: 10:35 pm

A democrat and a Republican were out for a walk in the desert and found an ancient lamp. As a gag, they rubbed and, sure enough, a genie appeared. The genie said "I will grant one wish per person". The Republican immediately jumped forward and said "I wish all Republicans and conservatives had their own planet, separate from all these libs." The genie nodded and the Republican vanished. The Democrat then asked "Are they all on their own planet?" "Yes," said the genie. "Are you sure? All of them?" The genie said "Yes" one more time. Then the Democrat said "I guess I'll just have a glass of water then."

..........Right back where I started from.........Al Jolson …..California, Here I Come --Reagan's campaign song

2) Crocodiles have a unique tooth replacement system. They have a specialised groove in their jaws that allows new teeth to grow to replace the ones they lose. Over their lifetime, they can grow and replace thousands of teeth.

Preantepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: I think women should decide what to do with Mitch McConnell's body since he decided what to do with theirs. --Submitted by 98%

Moonbeam: Learning starts with failure; the first failure is the beginning of education. --John Hersey

Oxymoron of the Week: Ruler of the free world.

Video of the Week: Animated M C Escher art Stairways (1:05)

The Constitution ... contain ample provision for the protection of the life, liberty, and property of every citizen, the dearest Constitutional rights of the people of Kansas have been fraudulently and violently taken from them. --Republican Party Platform 1856

I take strong offense with anyone saying the Republican Party has no standards now. In fact, they have double standards. --- There's actually a mathematical formula to describe all the Republicans lining up to pretend like the January 6^th attack didn't happen. It's called the Fibbing Nazi Sequence.

..........Bitch, I'm from Texas.........Macklemore …..The George Bush Song --Used by Geroge H W Bush in his campaign

3) On the skin of a crocodile's snout, they have tiny pits called 'integumentary sensory organs'. These pits are sensitive to pressure changes in the water, allowing the crocodile to detect even the smallest disturbances made by potential prey or threats.

Antepenultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: If your name is Sarah and you're not telling people it's short for Triceratops, what are you even doing with our life. --Dianne Zalman Doty --Submitted by Writers, Readers and General Tomfoolery

Weird Word of the Week: Saudade: A deep feeling of longing for something that one has lost or that has never existed. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saudade

Dragon of the Week:

Wacky Uses for Common Products: Loosen rusty nuts and bolts. Apply a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes. https://www.wackyuses.com/wacky/cocacola3.html

A Republican walks into a college bookstore and says to the clerk, “I'm looking for Trump's new book on illegal immigration. Do you have it?” The manager hears this, stomps over to the customer and yells, “GET THE F*CK OUT!” The Republican response, “Yeah, that's the one.” --- How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Twelve to investigate Obama’s involvement in the failure of the old bulb, 23 to deregulate the lightbulb industry and 51 to pass a tax credit for light bulb changes.

Democratic AI isn't very accurate. It has inconvenient Algorerhythms.

...........And he hates Bill from Little Rock.........Sam Moore …..Dole Man --take off of Soul Man used by Dole in the 1992 campaign

4) Despite their large size and seemingly clumsy appearance on land, crocodiles are excellent swimmers. They use their powerful tails to propel themselves through the water and can reach impressive speeds, sometimes exceeding 20/32 miles/kilometres per hour.

Penultimate Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: The NSA: A government agency that actually listens to you.

Science Fiction Convention of the Week: JoMoCon 2016 (18-19, Joplin, MO) ...Now Two Days! https://www.jomocon.org/

Another Strangely Appropriate Random Posting of the Week: If John Fetterman leaves the Democrats for the Republicans, he will be the first senator in US history to simultaneously raise the average IQ of both parties. https://www.facebook.com/USdems

Spark of Joy of the Week: I should not have to pay this much money for clothes...People should be paying ME to not be naked. --Mommy Needs Vodka

I'm dressing as the Republican healthcare bill for halloween. I won't be leaving the house. (Or you could just dress as the grim reaper.) --- Of course Republicans are pro-life. You can't molest what isn't born.

How do Democrats apply sunscreen? Liberally.

..........Come on, it's everything.........Van Halen ..Right Now --Campaign of George W Bush

5) Crocodiles have several adaptations that make them formidable predators. Their eyes and nostrils are positioned on top of their heads, allowing them to stay partially submerged while observing their surroundings. They also have a valve in their throat that keeps their mouth closed underwater, enabling them to capture prey without swallowing water.

Protest Sign of the Week: We're Not From The Left Or The Right. We're From The Bottom And We Are Coming For Those On Top.

Quote of the Week: Trump's State Fair is so empty, you'd think it was a movie theater showing Melania. --jamie bonkiewicz

Final Funniest Thing I Read of the Week: Your daily reminder that the universe is mostly empty space. So there's room for improvement. --Submitted by Club42

Today's Peace of History: July 17, 1970: The Young Lords Party entered the Lincoln Hospital in the South Bronx, NYC. The hospital, located in a condemned and dilapidated building, was filled with pain, degradation, neglect, flies, and humiliation. The YLP set up care units in the Hospital, and drew attention to the abysmal conditions. The direct-action takeover prompted a response by the government, and the building of a new Lincoln Hospital.

The problem with Trump jokes is that Republicans don't think they're funny and Democrats don't think they're jokes. --- Republicans will never find the antifascists' plans; they've hidden them in science textbooks.

If there weren't any democrats...then who would be left?

..........Honey, I'm still free.........Abba …..Take A Chance On Me --John McCain's campaign

Masthead of the Week: Friday ePistle, July 17, 2026: Quite Right ePistle . Online at: http://fridayepistle.blogspot.com/ Exclusive editor: Christine Smith. Lawrence, KS.

Moonbeam: It's a failure of national vision when you regard children as weapons, and talents as materials you can mine, assay, and fabricate for profit and defense. --John Hersey

Cost of War: Pentagon Spending as of 7/16/26: $805,809,518,168

That's twenty billion, six hundred and ninety-six million, four hundred and eighty-five thousand, forty-six dollars in one week.

Pentagon Spending as of 7/9/26: $785,113,033,122

Pentagon Spending as of 7/2/26: $766,664,729,346

*** Real peace is not the absence of anything. Real peace is the presence of something beautiful. --Prem Rawat

Pentagon Spending in June 2026: $82,621,957,422

Pentagon Spending in May 2026: $87,601,145,719

Pentagon Spending in April 2026: $81,264,897,194

https://www.nationalpriorities.org/cost-of/

Measles Cases in the US: As of 7/9/26 there are 2231 confirmed measles cases in the US. That's 231 new cases this month.

June 16: 2073 confirmed cases (158 new cases)

May 26: 1,842 confirmed cases (231 new cases)

April 26: 1,748 confirmed cases. (94 new cases)

March 26: 1,362 confirmed cases. (386 new cases)

In the entire year 2010 there were only 63 confirmed cases.

https://www.cdc.gov/measles/data-research/index.html

That Kansas should be immediately admitted as a state of this Union, with her present Free Constitution, as at once the most effectual way of securing to her citizens the enjoyment of the rights and privileges to which they are entitled, and of ending the civil strife now raging in her territory. --Republican Party Platform 1856

Famous Last Words: Someone waits for me. --Final line of When The Blue Of The Night (Meets The Gold Of The Day) Bing Crosby's theme song which he recorded July 17, 1945.

..........You can hang out with all the boys.........The Village People …..Y M C A --Trump campaign song

It must be hard for people learning to spell in English. For example, there is one silent K in “Knight”, four silent Ks in “knickknack”. , and there are three silent Ks in “Republican:. --- A Republican Senator and a Democratic Senator are drowning and you can only save one. Do you...a: Have lunch or b: Browse reddit.

May Peace play your Matins

And Joy sing your Lullaby

prairie mama

christine

Last Laugh: